Archive for the ‘Default’ Category

…Which Is a Great Lead-In to My Lecture on Gonorrhea

Blonde girl: I hate horror movies, because then I get scared that those things are going to happen, cause they really do happen.
Teacher: You can't live your life like that! Those things are really rare! Like, I've been in all sorts of sketchy situations, and I'm still here.
Guy: You're just too sheltered.
Teacher: Like, when I was in Rwanda, this guy was giving us a ride and he was like “do you want to stay overnight at my house?” and we were like “okay,” and I immediately regretted that one… Toronto
Canadia

Time Gives White People the Illusion They Understand Black People

Professor talking about the Canterbury tales: So the friar has this gold pin he wears, he wears it under his neck to keep his hood closed . . . It's bling!
(class laughs)
Professor: I never want to hear anyone say I'm not up on the times. They had this article in Time magazine, it was an interview with a rapper, the guy's name was “fifty cents.”
(class laughs)
Professor: But I'm cool, and I know that it's not “fifty cents,” it's “fiddy.” Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia

Way to Ruin the Moment

Middle-aged woman: My wedding ring from my first marriage has new meaning now.
Friend: What's that?
Middle-aged woman: When I lost all that weight and it didn't fit anymore, I took it as a sign to divorce the bastard and marry Jesus Christ.
Friend: Why don't you just wear it on your toe instead? http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/455563429/that-doesnt-have-the-same-effect.html Overheard by: good lord.