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September 2010 Archives
Is It or Is It Not the High Holy Days?
Boy #1: Dude, you know what the best time to get high would be? Right before temple.
Boy #2: No, dude, it's Yom Kippur. You'll be so hungry...
Private High School
New York, New York
Overheard by: so many things wrong with this
Categories: Drugs | Guys | Jews | New York | Questions | Religion | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Time Management | Posted 2010-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even the Preachers in Oregon Are Weirdly Crunchy and Alternative.
Freshman girl, emphatically to strangers: Roller derby saved my life! Roller derby saved all of our lives!
Eugene, Oregon
Overheard by: You've been playing for a month, shut up
...As My Grandma Knitted on a Little Pillow.
Girl: First, string cheese. Then masturbation!
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Food | Girls | Masturbation | New Jersey | Time Management | Posted 2010-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Mick Jagger's So Old
Drunk girl at party: I want to hang off his lips until I die!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Death & dying | Drunks | Girls | Mouth | Washington | Wishes | Posted 2010-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There's Never a Truce in the Trench Warfare Between the Sexes
Older lady to complete strangers: So the last guy I dated, all he wanted was sex! We were on the beach and we passed a trench, and he was like "I'll put you in that hole!"
Escondido, California
Categories: California | Old folks | Relationships | Sex | Strangers | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2010-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And, in Our Lab Session, We'll Demonstrate It.
Professor: And tomorrow, we'll talk about the suck knob.
University of Hartford
Connecticut
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Connecticut | Education | Sensory experiences | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Brother.
Sorority girl, upset: And then her other sister had sex with my sister!
University of Florida
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: really curious about the rest of that conversation
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Florida | Sex | Sexuality | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guys See Life Itself As a Huge Taco Party
Guy: What are you all doing?
Teen girl #1, waving taco: We're having a taco party.
Teen girl #2: Taco party!
Guy: Awesome! Keep on keeping on!
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: I want a Taco Party
...Has The Times Told Us Whether or Not We Like It?
Middle-aged woman: So, what's on tv tonight?
Middle-aged man: Chuck.
Middle-aged woman: Oh, do we watch that?
Middle-aged man: I don't know.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Categories: Guys | North Carolina | Questions | TV shows | Women | Posted 2010-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Christian Siriano Has Difficulty Getting Dates
College girl: We blew a fuse in our room last night. Just in our room, not the rest of the hall.
Science professor: And what did you do to solve this problem?
College girl: I cried.
Professor: That doesn't solve the problem!
College girl: Well, half of my hair was dry and the other half wasn't!
Professor: You were not bilaterally symmetrical. That can be a problem.
Keuka College
New York
Overheard by: Rachel Bz.
Who Says Kids Today Have No Goals?
12-year-old boy #1: My hobo name is Rancid Earl!
12-year-old boy #2: My hobo name is Cracker Joe!
12-year-old boy #1: Hey, I wanna be Cracker Joe...
Middlesex County Fair
New Jersey
Categories: Names | New Jersey | Tweens | Wishes | Posted 2010-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Make Their Own Mayonnaise
Drunk girl: I love the boners that sound like sandwiches! Boner on wheat, boner on rye... That's pretty much it.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Food | Illinois | Posted 2010-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Getting a Piece Of Tail Is Always a Problem in Ohio
Woman to man: She fucked the lobster?
Cincinnati, Ohio
...On Local Dining Options.
Ditzy college girl, interrupting class: Do you live in Penn Yan?
Professor: No, I live on Bluff Point.
Ditzy college girl: Oh... Did you know that Sarassin's delivers?
Professor: No, I didn't, but do you mind if I get back to my lecture?
Keuka College
New York
Overheard by: Rachel Bz.
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | New York | Questions | Sorority types | Teachers | Posted 2010-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Tulsa" Spelled Backwards Is "a Slut"-- Coincidence?
Teen girl to friend: I'm too sexy for my vulva.
Tulsa, Oklahoma
And I'm Washing It Down with Laxatives!
Model scout, handing out card to hot tall teen: I know you're probably modeling already, but take my card anyway.
Shorter teen girl to friend, after scout has left: Fuck you. The only reason he gave you his card instead of me was because I'm eating a cookie. But it's the only thing I've had to eat today!
Starbucks
Studio City, California
Overheard by: Urz
Categories: Bars & Clubs | California | Employees | Food | Friends | Insults | Jobs & Careers | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2010-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on How I Met Your Motherfucker
Very drunk 20-something girl trying to play darts: So what do I do?
30-something guy #1: Just throw 'em.
30-something guy #2: Failing that, love, just take your top off.
Very drunk 20-something girl: Cheeky motherfucker! Get me a vodka and I'll do it!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | England | Girls | Guys | Insults | Offers and requests | Sex | Posted 2010-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But She Once Wore a Paper Sombrero and Sang "La Bamba" at the School Pageant
Native American girl: Yeah, when I was in kindergarten, I was the only Mexican in class. Well, except for Reema. She's Lebanese.
High School
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Education | Geography | Girls | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Posted 2010-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Said I Hated Black People Enough for Both Of Us
Black guy to white girl: I hate black people!
White girl: You hate yourself?
Black guy: No. I just hate black people. They're always late. And they tell me to wear my pants down. I made friends with a white supremacist.
White girl: But they hate you!
Black guy: He liked me...
Norman, Oklahoma
Every. Single. One.
Girl: So do you just know everyone because you're... (pauses awkwardly)
Guy: Yeah. Well, everyone in New York is Jewish, so that's how I know them all.
Portland, Oregon
You're So Deep, Monica.
Coffee shop girl: A pig is, like, a monkey's best friend.
Missoula, Montana
Overheard by: Evan
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Girls | Montana | Relationships | Posted 2010-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Heart Will Fucking Go On, Dudebro.
Jock #1: Yo! I've grown accustomed to your face!
Jock #2: Word!
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Jocks | Minnesota | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When the Magic Mushrooms Came to Oklahoma City
Girl #1: I hallucinated that you and my boyfriend had sex in the spirit world! I think I hallucinated I was using an umbrella in the shower this morning.
Girl #2: Uh. No... Sorry, I found one in our shower.
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
One's a Very Black Sheep, Indeed
Southern belle: I basically have two brothers. Well, no, I have three. Basically three brothers.
Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: John S.
Categories: Family ties | Girls | Science | South Carolina | Posted 2010-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Is the Gist Of My Anthropology Paper.
Bro: We don't put shaving cream on our dicks, we put it on our faces.
Illinois State University
Overheard by: Eddy
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Frat boy types | Health & Hygiene | Illinois | Penis | Posted 2010-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good Thing You Issued That Disclaimer, Bob
Middle aged shop owner, as female vocalist sings pop song on the radio: I ain't no queer or nothing, but the first time I heard this song, I thought it was pretty as hell.
Waco, Texas
Categories: Bosses | Compare and contrast | Gender issues | Music | Texas | Posted 2010-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Two Girls, One Pop-Pop Did Not End Well
Girl #1: I'd totally tap your grandpa!
Girl #2: Thanks?
Girl #1: You're welcome!
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Family ties | Girls | Sex | Posted 2010-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Their Relationship Is Sweet but Sticky
Guy: I bet you taste like cotton candy. (pause) Is it okay, sometime, if I'm hungry, if I take a little nibble...
Girl: No!
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Candy | Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | Sensory experiences | Washington | Posted 2010-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because That's What My Therapist Said
20-something guy, browsing toys: So... Do I have a penis face?
Edinburgh
Scotland
Overheard by: Lena
Categories: Body parts | Guys | Penis | Questions | Scotland | Posted 2010-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Another Soccer Hooligan Comes to a Bad End
Ned to another, in thick Scottish accent: My pal's not well. His brain doesn't float around. It's stuck to his head, like.
Bus
Edinburgh
Scotland
Overheard by: Still wondering what it could be
Categories: Body parts | Bus | Health & Hygiene | Scotland | Thugs | Posted 2010-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, You're Just Still Pissed That I Stole Your Lucky Charms.
Bearded elderly Irish tramp: Fuck you! Fuck you, you hellspawn of Satan! You diseased monkey fucking dog wanking shitcunt!
Man, passing by: Pardon?
Bearded elderly Irish tramp: You heard me, you twat! You cocksucking pedophile wanker! (turning to passing woman) Excuse me my dear, I'm terribly sorry to bother you, but could you spare a pound?
Woman, passing by: Sorry, no.
Bearded elderly Irish tramp: God bless you! (turns back to passing man) Go fuck yourself, you cunt! I'll vomit on your fucking dog!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Do You Date Much?
Mother: Why are you so exhausted?
Chubby teen, out of breath: There... Was... Dog!
Mom: You ran from a dog?
Chubby teen: I ran... From Cerberus, watchdog of Hades.
Pulaski, Virginia
Little Tommy Lee Had Quite the Ego.
Seven-year-old in underwear in dressing room, doing pelvis thrusts: Look at my horse! My horse is amazing!
Target
Ithaca, New York
Good to See Kids Become Self-Mocking
Teen girl, holding candy bar: Why does it have to be so big? I can't take all this. (pause) That's what I said!
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
Most Girls Fear Being Gaynablers
Young boyfriend, trying to weasel out of seeing Legally Blonde 2: I... I just don't think I'm emotionally ready for the uncut version. Do you think I'm ready? I don't.
Young girlfriend: You should have pulled the "it might make me gay" card.
Friend: I think his way was more gay.
Young girlfriend: Which concerns me...
Scotrun, New York
Just the Classy Ones.
Girl to another: I had to just say, like, not every girl wants a photo of your asshole.
MusicFest
Allentown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Stretchen
Categories: Ass | Girls | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-09-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Superman Gets So Much Girlie Action.
Younger heavy metal guy with older coworkers: I never find the right size of long johns in the winter, so I buy women's tights instead. (older coworkers look at him in shock) What? I was kidding! Morning humor, you know.
Macho guy sitting behind: Yeah, women's tights make your junk look bigger!
Commuter Train
Stockholm
Sweden
Overheard by: strictly boxers.
...Ooo, There's That Smell Again!
Very annoyed guy eating breakfast: I love the smell of hatred in the morning.
Confused girl sitting next to him: Is it anything like coffee?
Very annoyed guy eating breakfast: What? No, it's nothing like coffee. God, you're so stupid.
College Dining Hall
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Food | Girls | Guys | Insults | New Mexico | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Posted 2010-09-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And I'm Usually Into 20-Something Honduran Men...
Law student: So, listen. He went to get a manicure the other day and I was like, you know, "how was it?" He was like, "oh, it was good and all, but she was rubbing my arm and I kinda started getting turned on." And I was like, "what?" He said "yeah, and it was kinda weird because she was this 50-year-old Asian woman."
Mississippi College School of Law
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Erections | Health & Hygiene | Mississippi | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kim Jong-il: "Wait, What?"
16-year-old male in office waiting room, to friend: You can't just solve all your problems by causing a nuclear holocaust, man!
Whatcom Community College
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: littlegirlmonkey
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Friends | Teens | Violence | Washington | Posted 2010-09-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
NASA's Committed to Mid-Century Chic
Lady on cell: No, no, no! See, the reason I bring this up is because her spaceship is covered in shag carpeting...
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Caleb
Categories: Arizona | On the phone | Stupidity | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2010-09-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Isn't That a Burger King Crown?
Drunk aboriginal man to drunk friends: I just got out of jail. My mum's been crying for me, my dog's been praying for me, my uncle Bob's been praying for me, all to get me back to Narrogin. I tell you, I'm the king of that town.
Fremantle
Australia
...Put It Away!
30-something dude: I didn't circumcise my son.
20-something dude #1: Are you circumcised?
20-something dude #2: Woah!
Cincinnati, Ohio
...Brian.
Mother of musical theater fan: Oh, I didn't know Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote that. Well, maybe I did, but you weren't my daughter then.
Canadia
Then She Turned Him Gay With Her Womanliness
Female professor: She was a lesbian...
Male student: Yeah, she was.
Female professor: But he turned her straight with his manliness...
Male student: Yeah, he did.
Appalachian State University
Boone, North Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gender issues | North Carolina | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Even with All the Wood and the Nailing?
Super peppy freshman orientation guide: What was your favorite Halloween costume?
College freshman: Well, I was a construction worker once.
Super peppy freshman orientation guide: Was it a sexy construction worker?
College freshman: Well, I was five years old... so no.
Harrisonburg, Virginia
Categories: Age and ageing | Clothing | Compare and contrast | Students | Virginia | Posted 2010-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is This More Of Your Zen Crap?
Patron #1: Yeah, but everything's different in Hawaii. You can't even buy land there unless you were born there.
Patron #2: Actually, you can.
Patron #1: Yeah, but all their laws are different than ours.
Patron #2: You know that Hawaii is a state, right?
Starbucks
California
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bosses | California | Compare and contrast | Geography | Money | Posted 2010-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...According to This Snapple Cap.
Teacher to class: You never know what you're going to find stuffed in the head of a mummified crocodile.
Metro State College
Denver, Colorado
Why I Refuse to Visit Texas: Explained.
Drunk girl: We were around the bonfire eating flamin' hot Cheetos, and then his brother ran around with the gas can, naked.
Trailer Park
Central Texas
Overheard by: HaleyJ
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Family ties | Food | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There's Only One Game in Town and It's Rigged, Dude
Young suit to crying baby he's holding at arm's length: You were a terrible investment.
Young woman: Stop saying that!
Young suit: If he doesn't stop crying, I'm literally going to give him to the next person who is willing.
Young woman, taking the baby: He should be crying. You're an idiot!
Young suit: The sale has now become two for one.
Toys R Us
Bear, Delaware
Divorce the Second Woman and Marry the First, Guys
Woman #1: I love the smell of rain.
Woman #2: The only thing I smell is elephant shit.
Alabama State Fair
Overheard by: Wendy and Joe
Categories: Alabama | Animals | Poop | Sensory experiences | Women | Posted 2010-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Thought Guys Liked Talking About Wood?
Pretty girl to boyfriend: I don't know if I have too many toothpicks, or not enough.
Boyfriend: So this is where the crazy starts?
Grocery Store
Havelock, North Carolina
Categories: Compare and contrast | Couples | Mental illnesses | North Carolina | Questions | Stores | Posted 2010-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That Chinese for "You're Hot"?
Balding nerdy guy to cute Asian arty girl: What was your name again?
Cute Asian arty chick: No.
Pioneer Square
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: curtis martin
Categories: Asians | Comebacks | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Names | Questions | Washington | Posted 2010-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Twins!
Voice #1: I'm in the wrong bathroom!
Voice #2: I'm in the wrong bathroom, too!
Airport
Minnesota
Better Than Being Spineless, I Guess.
Peasant husband in bookshop, holding up book: Hey, look at this!
Peasant wife: That's the problem with books, they make you do things.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
...That's Sick!
Tiny black girl: And then I had to have Buckley's, and you know what? It tastes exactly like jizz.
Asian girl, perplexed: You've had Buckley's?
Pub
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Asians | Bars & Clubs | Black people | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Cum | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have You Ever Felt the Stinging Shame Of a Violin Bow on Your Behind?
High school girl #1: I hate how everyone judges you based on your grades.
High school girl #2: What?
High school girl #3: Well, okay. By "everyone," I mean Asians.
Walter Johnson High School
Maryland
To Be Fair, at Least She Won't Be a Cop.
Fat female student: I'm thirty-eight years old with a criminal justice degree, and I still can't find nothin' to do in this valley. Nobody's hirin', nothin'.
Skinny female student: Couldn't you just be a cop?
Fat female student: I can't be a cop. They give me a badge an' a gun, I'd be shootin' at fags and wetbacks. I mean, in this day in age... Not to be rude or anything...
Bookstore
West Virginia University
Categories: Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Education | Fat people | Jobs & Careers | Skinny people | Students | Violence | West Virginia | Posted 2010-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Explain, Here's Elmo With the Aphabet Song
Teen girl to another, while browsing CDs: Like, alphabetical order is so confusing.
Music Store
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Justin
The BP Oil Spill? Really?
Teen girl: But let's face it: if you walk in to a porn shop handcuffed, people are going to assume that you had something to do with it.
Eugene, Oregon
Overheard by: nyssa
...When He Learns to Make a Decent Sandwich.
Black girl #1: He made me a BLT with avocado.
Black girl #2: And then he passed out?
Black girl #1: No. First, I told him to bang me like a screen door in a hurricane, then he passed out.
Black girl #2: You're always stressing out that skinny white boy.
Black girl #1: Haha, yeah. I should marry him.
Bridgeport, Connecticut
Categories: Black people | Connecticut | Food | Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2010-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But at Least You're Cheating Well.
Busy-looking female suit on cell: Face it, Carol, you just didn't marry well.
Upstate New York
Categories: Advice | Family ties | New York | On the phone | Relationships | Suits | Posted 2010-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...With My Hand Down My Pants Like This.
English teacher to class: Apostrophes and semicolons really turn me on.
Class: (horrified silence)
English teacher, to self: Maybe I shouldn't have said that.
High School
Wisconsin
They Get All Our Leftover Weather, Anyway
Old lady: Are you able to check the weather in Toronto?
Young guy: No, the internet can't reach that far.
Old lady: Oh.
Windsor
Ontario
Canadia
...They Turned Him Into a Wind Instrument!
Hipster guy to two girls with horrified looks on their faces: So it had been like a zit or a boil when he was seventeen, but because it never got treated... There was, like, a tunnel, and then... (passes out of earshot)
The Danforth
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: wondering what the hell came after the tunnel
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Hipsters | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Excellent Neck Rotation-- I Commend You
Middle-aged woman to group of friends: I was possessed once, too.
Group, murmuring: Really? When? What happened?
Middle-aged woman: Oh yeah, when I was in hospital. And I know because I went like this: wluuuhhhhh!
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Jane
Categories: Canadia | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Religion | Women | Posted 2010-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Could at Least Aquire Some Cheetah Girls.
Fat hipster girl: Do you know we didn't even get to see half the animals?
Skinny hipster guy: Dude, they don't have any sexy animals here.
Smithsonian National Zoo
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Lola Carmichael
Categories: Animals | Fat people | Hipsters | Questions | Sex | Skinny people | Washington, DC | Posted 2010-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Plot Of Every Romantic Comedy, in a Nutshell.
Loud hipster on cell, in quiet restaurant: If you went into the jungle, I wouldn't follow you because I don't trust you! (pause) Awesome! Let's hang out.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Mrs. Rollins
Categories: Canadia | Hipsters | Offers and requests | On the phone | Relationships | Restaurants | Posted 2010-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Lot Of Cocaine and a Lot Of Ego?
40-something: No one really knows just what goes into running a chicken farm.
Hebron, Kentucky
Overheard by: Let's Keep It That Way
Categories: Animals | Idiots | Kentucky | Philosophy | Posted 2010-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Georgia Lesbians Do Not Play
Teen girl in dept. store: I need to buy her a present, but it can't be jewelry. She doesn't like jewelry. She likes weapons.
Gainesville, Georgia
Vlad Has Always Had a Dark Sense Of Humor.
White Russian guy with slight accent: Something tells me my first born won't be white. That something is my penis.
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: The Sauce
...And the Hendersons
Finely bearded man, loudly and distinctly among crowd: Big. Hairy. Ballsack.
University of Illinois
Overheard by: Kelsey
Is This Quote Culinary Erotica? Discuss.
Girl #1: I don't know if I want cookie dough, I'd rather make cookies.
Girl #2: Oh, man. It's totally carnal, the things I wanna do to that cookie dough. I want it on my face.
(five minutes later)
Girl #1: Okay, I want some cookie dough.
Girl #2: I thought you didn't want any!
Girl #1: You gave such a rave review of the cookie dough on your face that I entertained the possibility that I, too, might want it on my face.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Lisa
Categories: Food | Girls | Massachusetts | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Raise Your Hand If You Know This Guy
Loud annoying guy, gesturing toward himself: Who has two thumbs and is ready to go? This guy!
Saratoga, New York
Overheard by: Ready to Go
Categories: Body parts | Guys | New York | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let Sleeping Girls Lie, Dude
Boyfriend: Hun.
Girlfriend, just waking up: Mmm?
Boyfriend, hugging her: Mine.
Girlfriend: Mmm-hmm.
Boyfriend: Am I gonna have to become an organist to understand you?
Girlfriend: Hmmm?
Boyfriend: You know, so I can understand your pitches and stuff.
Girlfriend, lower pitched: Mmmm.
Boyfriend: See? Like that!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Couples | Language barrier | New Jersey | Words | Posted 2010-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No More Hentai for You, Young Man.
Three-year-old boy: When I get older my penis is going to get so big, and then it will talk to me.
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Dr Banana Grabber
Categories: Age and ageing | Florida | Kids | Kids | Penis | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Not Proud Of Myself
Woman on cell in line for bathroom: You did all that for a jelly bean!?
Airport
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Emily
Do You Have to Say That About Everything?
Girlfriend: Those sculptures over there look nice.
Boyfriend: Baby, I think they're vaginas.
Norman, Oklahoma
Categories: Compliments | Couples | Oklahoma | Vagina | Posted 2010-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Smell the Plot Of a New Indiana Jones Movie!
Mini-skirt girl: Her name is Pearl, so she's either an 80-year-old white lady from Connecticut...
Suit: Or an 18-year-old, French-speaking lieutenant in an Asian motorcycle gang.
Mini-skirt girl: Yours is weirdly specific.
Bridgeport, Connecticut
Overheard by: Agreed
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Girls | Names | Suits | Weirdness | Posted 2010-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Just a Heads Up That Your Grades Will All Suck
Professor: We are going to talk about tea rooms. Which involve no tea. Unless by "tea," you mean "cock."
Columbus,Ohio
Overheard by: Em
Kermit: It's Not Easy Oozing Green
Bartender #1: Yeah, so I had this weird shit comin' outta my dick. It was sick, dude. Like this funky green pus-like shit oozing from the tip. Smelled like shit, too.
Bartender #2: Dude, you need to quit boning so many filthy whores. You're like rotting from the inside.
Bartender #1: Shit, man, I don't give a fuck. As long as I keep gettin' laid.
Bartender #2: You ain't gonna be doin' shit if your fuckin' nasty dick falls off.
Bartender #1: I know, right? This last chick I nailed was a total slut. I pulled down my pants and she could smell whatever's up with my cock. She goes "Ew, what stinks? Is that your dick?" And I go, "No, it's my feet, I swear!" Then I just pulled her towards me and shoved it in. It was awesome.
Bartender #2: Fuck, man. Something's definitely wrong with you.
Gaithersburg, Maryland
Overheard by: Nasty Nate
Categories: Bartenders | Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Maryland | Penis | STDs | Sensory experiences | Sex | Posted 2010-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Whatever This Is in My Eye
16-year-old: Mom, if you don't have herpes, why'd I find Valtrex in your purse?
Mother, seriously: I got Valtrex from the eye doctor for my yeast infection, Kim*.
Illinois
Categories: Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Illinois | Moms | Parenting | STDs | Teens | Posted 2010-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...In 3...2...1...
Girl: There will be a beautiful rainbow of racial harmony coming out of my vagina.
Aurora, Colorado
The Unkindest Cold Cut Of All
Young son, after burping loudly: I burped!
Father: Does it smell like baloney?
Young son: No...?
Father: Then you're not a man yet!
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: Big D.
Categories: Burping & farting | Compare and contrast | Dads | Kids | Kids | Maryland | Parenting | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-09-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait 'til You Hear My Story About the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny's Gay Orgy
Three-year-old boy: Do Santa and Batman fly in the sky together?
Mom: I hope they're careful if they do, because otherwise... Batmobile crashes into Santa's sleigh, boom! (makes explosion noises) Santa and Batman. Dead.
Three-year-old boy: (laughs hysterically)
Auntie: I'm glad he laughed at that, otherwise you were getting the "worst mom" award.
Antelope, California
Overheard by: Megan
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Family | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Pop culture | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2010-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Not Writing Your Own Vows, Are You?
Person #1: What's that movie with Tom Hanks and the volleyball?
Person #2: Castaway.
Person #1: Oh, I'm so bored... You're like the volleyball to me. I don't necessarily like you, but you're there and I'm alone.
Guam
Well I Love the Netting.
Woman to son: That's the dress Larry Bird Johnson wore to the inauguration.
First Ladies Exhibit, Smithsonian
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Dave White
Categories: About celebrities | Clothing | Kids | Moms | Sexuality | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2010-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The U.N. Delegates Have This Problem All the Time.
Smokin' hot gay guy on phone: I bought the table under the impression that it was fuck-proof. My husband challenged me last night to prove otherwise. Now my table has been fucked through and Mark* isn't talking to me right now. (pause) Yeah, it does sound like a funny problem to have, but it's really not.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: The Sauce
Categories: New York | On the phone | Queers | Sex | Shopping | Posted 2010-09-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Acck, There's One in My Pants! Get It Out! Get It Out!
Screaming woman, surrounded by children: I haven't breast fed in months! Why won't they leave me alone?!
Philadelphia Zoo
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: mammophile
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Pennsylvania | Rack | Women | Posted 2010-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember: All That Glitters Is Not Gold, Son.
Boy to father about girlfriend standing right next to him: She decorated her panties and tried to show them to me.
Father, laughing loudly at glaring people: Sorry.
Arlington National Cemetary
Arlington, Virginia
Categories: Clothing | Dads | Kids | Masturbation | Virginia | Posted 2010-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Trust Only Gay Men
Woman with three young daughters: Okay girls, we're spies... On the search for sparkly heels. Look everywhere!
Newbury Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Parenting | Shoes | Posted 2010-09-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Okay, So It Was Technically an Abortion, But Same Principle
Mom to daughter, wandering off: No, come back here, I don't want to lose you in the store. I already lost one of my kids that way, and that's enough.
Dollar Store
Sept-Îles
Canadia
Yet I Continue to Wear Pleated Khakis
Goth girl: So, basically, I broke the law in four countries...
Dundee
Scotland
Overheard by: goldfishgirl
Always Making Generalizations About Particular Groups
College chick: Oh my god! Girls are, like, so racist.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Jackie
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gender issues | Race | Sorority types | Washington | Posted 2010-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Wokker, Texas Ranger
Student to friend: Of course meat and veggies on a plate aren't supposed to touch each other! If they were then they'd be called... Uh... Uh... Starsky and Hutch!
Hillerød
Denmark
Overheard by: ?
At Least This Time We Hit Something Soft
Drunk Canadian to another: I don't get it--every time we drink in the car, something bad happens.
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: christine
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Foreigners | Stupidity | Virginia | Posted 2010-09-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Thought Old Ladies Loved Tea.
Bicyclist: So I guess your grandma didn't like the joke about your balls.
Rockland County, New York
Categories: Balls | Family ties | Guys | New York | Posted 2010-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Stripper Is Born
Middle aged lady in hospital scrubs: It's a lot of fun and great exercise.
Old toothless lady: I really admire you, I don't like to show off my fuzzy-fuzzy to just anyone.
Middle aged lady: Yeah, well, I don't either, but like I said: it's great exercise.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Karl
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Medical personnel | Old folks | Oregon | Posted 2010-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And They Know
Teen girl, incredulously: But you don't call a fattie "fat"!
Teen guy: I know!
Australia
Overheard by: PCGoneWrong
Categories: Australia | Diet & weight | Names | Teens | Posted 2010-09-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then You Wonder Why He Becomes an Interior Decorator
Mom: No! We do not throw balls at people! Do not ever let me catch you throwing a ball!
Toy Store
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: huh?
Like I Did That Time You Asked Me Out
Emo kid: Old people see me on the street with my bright pink hair and my studded collar and my eyeliner, and they hate me!
Girl: If I was old and I saw you, I would just laugh.
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: shay
Categories: Age and ageing | Fashion | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Hair | Massachusetts | Posted 2010-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now People Will Know We're Together
Obese little girl, singing: Where'd you get your body from? I got it from my mama! I got it from my mama!
Really obese mother: Shhh!
Charlestown
NSW
Australia
Categories: Australia | Diet & weight | Fat people | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Posted 2010-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And We All Vomited Discreetly Into the Shrubbery
Guy #1: Isn't there something wrong with getting smashed at a baby shower?
Guy #2: Well, it wasn't exactly a kosher baby shower...
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: intheback
The Right Is Soon-Yi
Girl: My left toenail is totally MIA.
Reading, Pennsylvania
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Music | Pennsylvania | Posted 2010-09-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
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