Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
July 2010 Archives
Also Why Children Love the Berenstein Bears
Teen girl to teen friends: I wish I was mixed race--not really black. I mean, you're brown all year round.
Nottingham
England
Overheard by: Johnny
...Which Is What I Look For in a Gay Best Friend.
Lady who lunches to friend: He's very smart, but he's not ruthless.
Westport, Connecticut
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Connecticut | Friends | Ladies who lunch | Posted 2010-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Disney Movies Go Too Far
Tall girl: I find fault with your explanation of how penguins get the machete upgrade.
Hamden, Connecticut
Overheard by: Soy Bomb
Categories: Birds | Connecticut | Girls | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think I've Seen This Daryl Hannah Movie...
Girl #1: Well, it doesn't bother me.
Girl #2: That's because you don't have to look at it!
Girl #3: You. Look. Like. A. Whore.
Girl #4: But a mermaid whore!
University of Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Florida | Girls | Sex | Posted 2010-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Are Happy to Help a Complete Stranger Have a Trauma
Young woman #1: So we just left her in there with the stallions for like four hours. She still doesn't know anything about it.
Young woman #2: Oh my gosh, you never told her? I'm going to tell her next time I see her.
Young woman #1: No, don't tell her! She doesn't drink, so she'd just be like, "waaahhh, what did you guys do to me?"
Young woman #2: Oh, right.
Upstate New York
Categories: Lies | New York | Sensory experiences | Sex | Women | Posted 2010-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...What's Next-- You Gonna Audit Me?
Drunk girl stumbling outside bar, dropping purse and chasing after boyfriend: You are the ruiner of fun.
Provincetown, Massachusetts
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Comebacks | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Massachusetts | Relationships | Posted 2010-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Belinda Finds the Secret Of Happiness
Little girl on merry-go-round, addressing her horse: Go left!
Upstate New York
Overheard by: Coyote
Apparently You Can Be Too Casual
Gay guy in fake British accent: Isn't it funny how people who want babies so badly can't have them, and other people who have a casual fuck pop them out like Pez dispensers?
Panera Bread
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: Cristina
The Girls Totally Planned This
High school girl in hot tub #1: Ugh, my bikini won't stop falling down!
High school girl in hot tub #2: You do look a little... undersupported. Do you wanna trade tops?
High school girl in hot tub #1: Really?
High school girl in hot tub #2: Yeah, it's not like I need the support.
High school girl in hot tub #1: True.
(high school boys in hot tub stare intently)
Westchester, New York
Overheard by: Jenny Suburbs
If Grad School Has Taught Me Anything, It's That You Can.
Teen girl to teen boy: But you can't play spin the bottle with a box of wine!
Giant Eagle
Parma, Ohio
Overheard by: Tmoore
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Ohio | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2010-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why eBay Exists.
Man shopping with wife: Well, I recognize that someday I just won't need all my body parts.
Target Store
Augusta, Maine
Categories: Body parts | Clients | Maine | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Baby Steps, Sweetie
Girl: I made out with a five-year-old orphan today.
Boy: Well, I guess that's a little better.
High School
Florida
Categories: Florida | Girls | Guys | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Kids | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Homophobos, One Of Mars' Moons, Duh
Girl #1: I'm a carrier for hemophilia.
Girl #2: You're homophobic? That's fucked up!
Girl #1: What the fuck are you talking about?
Eugene, Oregon
Overheard by: Spencer and Kevin
Categories: Gender issues | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Oregon | Posted 2010-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hence The Taming Of the Jew
Girl at history class: Ohhh, I get it! So, Shakespeare got his ideas from Hitler!
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Toya Lah
A Nun Wouldn't Marry Some Prick, Honey
Little girl, pointing to picture of Jesus on card: Who's that?
Babysitter: Well, that's Jesus.
Little girl: Oh... He looks like a nice guy.
Bellevue, Washington
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Jesus | Kids | Washington | Posted 2010-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Would Enjoy Crying During My TV News Interview
High school senior girl #1: Where's Meg*?
High school senior girl #2: Getting her wisdom teeth out.
High school senior girl #1: Don't some people die from that?
High school senior girl #2: Maybe she will die.
High school senior girl #1: You'd like that, wouldn't you?
New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Death & dying | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Students | Posted 2010-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Zagat Guide Says So
Guy: You never know, perhaps he'll like it.
Girl, happily: I taste... Horrendous!
Oxford
England
Overheard by: Tim
Categories: England | Girls | Guys | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But That's Universal Health Care for You
Big burly man, earnestly: So then he said, "my wife is in labor," but I didn't exactly know what that meant.
English man, in disbelief: What? What did you think it meant?
Big burly man: I dunno... Um, like, just pregnant?
English man: So what did you say?
Big burly man: I just said, "yeah, that sucks for you."
English man: Wow, he must have thought you were a real asshole.
Big burly man: Haha, yeah. And then she had the baby in the apartment.
(long pause)
Big burly man: So, anyway, now the building's hot water's not working.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: trying not to laugh
So Now I Need a Dust Bath
Paris Hilton lookalike waif on cell, wearing tight cargo Capris and giant white sunglasses: No, the steakhouse one... (pause) Yeah, when the vultures flew out of my pants!
Trailer Park behind PETCO
New Jersey
Overheard by: IDK if I want to understand this one
Categories: Birds | Clothing | Girls | New Jersey | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, and the Fact That He Loves Her
Angry coffee drinker: He referred to his last sexual congress as "being balls-deep" in his lady.
Amused coffee drinker: Something tells me she was no lady.
Angry coffee drinker: That's what you take away from that?
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Categories: Balls | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Guys | New York | Questions | Sex | Posted 2010-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Male Equivalent Of the Old Menstrual Cramps Excuse
Mother: Take off your backpack and put it on your lap.
Five-year-old boy: No.
Mother: Put your backpack on your lap.
Five-year-old boy: No! It will hurt my balls.
Streetcar
Toronto
Canadia
...But I Haven't Seen a Starbucks for Miles!
American tourist: It's so quaint here. All the pretty houses. It's so romantic.
German host: Uh-huh.
American tourist: What I don't get, though, is why they built it if they don't even charge money for people visiting it.
German host: I think the people living here would feel weird about that.
American woman: Wait, people actually live here??
Regensburg
Germany
She'd Still Be Creepy, but She'd Have a Profession
Middle aged Midwest tourist, extremely wistfully: I wish I would've gotten her that marionette...
Wall Drug
Wall, South Dakota
Overheard by: Melissa
Categories: Gifts | South Dakota | Tourists | Wishes | Posted 2010-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, Girls Just Wanna Have Funyuns.
Woman coming out of convenience store: They ain't got no Funyuns in there!
Man standing outside store: You got a bad attitude! I'ma put you in yo' place with ya old ass!
Magazine Street
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: Flying Burrito
Thanks, Superglue!
Daughter: Come look at this booth, mom!
Mom: Just a second.
Daughter: Please, mom!
Mom: Ugh, I have like five things to keep track of, one of which is your two siblings.
Earth Day Celebration
Gresham, Oregon
Categories: Family | Family ties | Moms | Oregon | Parenting | Posted 2010-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Life Hands You Apples...
Serious guy: There is no... fucking... applesauce!
Dining Hall
UC, Santa Cruz
Overheard by: Willing to bet there's no regular applesauce either
Categories: California | Food | Fruit | Guys | Insults | Posted 2010-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's an Excellent Movie, Excellent Movie
Boy: Have you seen Rainman?
Friend: Nah.
Boy: Ohmigod, I can't believe you haven't seen Rainman! I mean I haven't seen Rainmanbut I can't believe you haven't seen Rainman!
Newcastle-Sydney Train
Australia
It Was the Best Birthday Present Ever!
Man to wife: There were monkeys all over the pile of stuff in the guest room!
Street Fair
San Francisco, California
Categories: Animals | Couples | San Francisco | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Shittiest!
Boy in AP English class, reading "The House on Mango Street": This is the most realistic book I've read since "Everybody Poops"!
New Jersey
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | New Jersey | Poop | Students | Posted 2010-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Chickenman?
Loud man on cell on bus: You know, I don't really care for turkey. Have it at Thanksgiving and sometimes Christmas, and I am sick of that shit. Now me, I like chicken. That's my thing. I'm a chicken man.
Austin, Texas
Categories: Birds | Compare and contrast | Food | Guys | On the phone | Texas | Posted 2010-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What Everyone Says. And Everyone Lies.
Woman: I'd rather do the kidnapping than be kidnapped.
Man, snorting in disbelief: Oh, puh-lease!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: MarthaQ
Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | Massachusetts | Violence | Women | Posted 2010-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The High Point Of an All-Cat Theme Park
Boyfriend: Wait! Imagine... zip-lines for cats.
Girlfriend: Yes!
Stevens Point, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Hannah
Everybody Respects a Gentleman Bandit
Professor: I could go to Mark*, for example, and say, "hey, you have to do this or I'm going to shoot you." (to Mark*) Uh, sorry.
Mark*: Well, at least you're polite about it.
Emerson College
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: S.m. Torres
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Etiquette | Massachusetts | Murder | Students | Teachers | Threats | Posted 2010-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Here's James Cameron to Explain
Cute young woman, watching tv while studying: Ew, they are kissing so deep! It's gross!
Seemingly gay guy, also studying in the table: Kay*, you don't even know what deep is.
Campinas
Brazil
Tonight on Untrue Blood...
Mother to eight-year-old: Tommy*, get in the picture with your aunt Linda!*
Tommy*: You're hungover!
Mother: Just get in and smile.
Tommy*, indignant: She's not related to me! In what way, shape or form does she share my blood?!
Havre de Grace, Maryland
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Kids | Maryland | Moms | Posted 2010-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why I Stopped Hanging Out with Meatheads.
Straight guy: Why do gay men love boobs but hate vaginas?
Gay guy: Because boobs are pretty and vaginas look like a roast beef sandwich.
Drunk guy: I could so go for Arby's right now.
Huaraz
Peru
Overheard by: Nick
Categories: Beauty | Compare and contrast | Drunks | Food | Gender issues | Guys | Queers | Rack | South America | Vagina | Posted 2010-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Test the Theory Of Post-Menopausal Invisibility
Woman to friend: I'd really like to take off my dress.
Shopping Area
Kansas City, Missouri
You Never Know When Mr. Right Will Fall Into Your Vagina
Hoochie #1: That's why I don't wear panties with tight skirts; I need maximum mass, maximum jiggle.
Hoochie #2: That's also why you always flashin' your business, looking like a ho.
Hoochie #1: So? What you doing up in that club--gettin' drunk? (laughs)
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Mistopher
Categories: California | Clothes | Clothing | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Hoochies | Posted 2010-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm the NRA and I Vote
Midwestern guy to friend: So, I'm out shootin' in my yard and I saw this pipe stickin' out the ground! So I shoot it. Now, the minute I shoot I know I shouldn't have done that. So the damn pipe explodes!
Flight over Utah
Didn't He Die?
Loud, livid woman barging through the crowd, completely serious: Move it! Get out of my way, I have to make pizza for Patrick Swayze!
Farmers Market
Culver City, California
Overheard by: Anon Y. Mouse
Categories: About celebrities | California | Food | Women | Posted 2010-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sesame Street Has, Like, Totally Opened My Eyes!
Clueless teen girl: I didn't know that New Mexico was a state, I thought it was a country!
Ditzy blonde: Ohmygod! No way!
Clueless teen girl: Yeah, I know! And did you know that "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and "The Alphabet Song" are the same?!
Ditzy blonde: No fucking way!
High School
Wisconsin
Overheard by: Genius
...And, Um, Then I Chastised Him for Being So Disrespectful!
Awkward guy: Hey, so remember when we were walking together yesterday?
Uncomfortable girl: Yeah.
Awkward guy: So my friend was all "who was that big-tittied girl you were walking with?"
Uncomfortable girl: Alright, then.
High School
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Girls | Guys | Pennsylvania | Questions | Rack | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2010-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Also Like All the Men in Troy
Girl #1: I used to shave my armpits before I even had hair, just to feel like a woman. You know?
Girl #2: (nods)
Guelph
Canadia
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Gender issues | Girls | Hair | Shaving | Posted 2010-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Hot New Game Show That's Sweeping the Globe
Artsy tourist to touristy-looking woman: More cats, more money!
Outside Museum of Turkish and Islamic Art
Istanbul
Turkey
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Middle East | Money | Tourists | Posted 2010-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's the Short Feet, Isn't It?
Guy to another: Hey, I don't want no trouble. How about you look for a new circus, and I am gonna look for a new clown?
Frankfurt
Germany
Overheard by: Alex Wipf
Then Hold On-- The Earth's Rotating Again!
Female stoner: We have to go to the Natural History Museum! Wait, where are we?
Friend, after pause: The Natural History Museum.
Washington, DC
Categories: Drugs | Stoners | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2010-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But With Bottled Water
Male college student, about 30-town boil water order: I feel like I'm in Mad Max!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Jean
Categories: Compare and contrast | Feelings | Massachusetts | Movies | Students | Posted 2010-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Gal Can Dream
Old woman shopping with friend, picking up jeans: Well, these looked good on George Strait.
Warrenton, Virginia
That's What You Said Outside That Jonas Brothers Concert!
Girl to friend, after unsuccessfully trying to open locked front doors: Maybe they'll let us in if we bang hard enough.
High School
San Francisco, California
Categories: Advice | Friends | Girls | San Francisco | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Get Me Some Of That Time-Travel Pussy
Law student: I can't wait for the future, man... I'm going to specialize in time travel law!
St. Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: Minneapolitan
Categories: Education | Minnesota | Students | Time Management | Posted 2010-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Also Don't Believe in the Existence Of John and Kate
Suspicious wife: Hey, didn't you tell me that mermaids don't really exist?
Husband: Yes. And I stand by that.
Suspicious wife: Then how cone they had a show on TLC called Mermaid Girl and it was all about a girl who was a real mermaid?
Husband: They aren't talking about the kind of mermaid that you're thinking of! It's probably just a girl with her legs fused together or something. The mermaids you're thinking of don't exist and they never have!
Suspicious wife: They exist. You lied to me!
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Momo
I Said You're Fine!
Woman to boy: Put a sweater on!
Boy's mother: No, he's fine.
Boy: I know I'm fat but I still get cold.
Sarajevo
Bosnia
Categories: Clothing | Diet & weight | Europe | Fat people | Kids | Moms | Weather | Women | Posted 2010-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Hair Totally Spoiled the Sodomy
Gay #1, to gay #2 in passing: Your hair's getting so long!
Gay #2: Thanks!
Gay #1, cheerfully: It wasn't a compliment!
Muncie, Indiana
Categories: Compliments | Hair | Indiana | Queers | Posted 2010-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Takes a While to Take a Cheez Whiz
Girl in stall with open door: I got cheese on my nipples!
Girl outside stall, to passerby: Sorry.
Girl in stall, in husky voice: I got cheese between my balls.
Girl outside stall: I'm so sorry.
Girl in stall: I'm so cheesy, sometimes I melt!
Women's Restroom, Public Library
Eugene, Oregon
Oooh, Blood!
Mother: Hey kids, look at that woman. She's puking!
Kid: Mom, it's rude to point!
Mother: Move, she'll puke on you too!
Magic Kingdom
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: lolcopter
...With a Three-Valium Chaser?
Posh-sounding, punk-looking 20-year-old girl on cell: You want to kill yourself? Oh. Have you tried having a having cup of tea?
London
England
Overheard by: Richard
...I Fuck at Least Two Girls on the Side.
Dude #1: You gotta find a girl to fuck. On the side.
Dude #2: I'm not like that. That's your game.
UCLA
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Guys | Infidelity | Sex | Posted 2010-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Vampire Style?
19-year-old girl #1: You know, I just a want a man I can sit naked with, watch Dead Poets Society, and then write a song about it afterwards.
19-year-old girl #2: Edward would totally do that for Bella.
19-year-old girl #3: You should leave Ryan.
19-year-old girl #2: Tell Ryan he can suck your dick.
Coffee Shop
Johannesburg
South Africa
Overheard by: Aeleron
But With Slightly Less Dancing
Woman to girl: What exactly is a zombie? My son wants to know. Is it like a ghost?
Girl: A zombie is the living dead. A ghost is just a spirit, while a zombie is the dead body.
Woman: Like Michael Jackson?
Girl: Yes, like Michael Jackson.
Yarmouth, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Maine | Parenting | Questions | Wishes | Women | Zombies | Posted 2010-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Julie & Julia, but Without Food
Hot gay guy: My boyfriend won't let me watch porn that doesn't have a story.
Sympathetic gay friend: Poor baby.
Hot gay guy: All porn is acting... Intense acting.
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Friends | Porn | Queers | Relationships | Posted 2010-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How the Economy Works: Explained
Teen girl #1: Omigawd, I just realized. If we borrowed five dollars from like twenty people, we'd have eighty dollars!
Teen girl #2: Haha, yeah! Wait. (long pause) Yeah, like eighty dollars!
St Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Had hope for a second, there
Also the Story Behind the KFC Double Down Sandwich
Cashier: Want to hear the lamest shit? I went to get Subway for lunch... And they were out of bread! Completely out! What the fuck is up with that?
Norman, Oklahoma
...So I'll Steal Your Wallet Respectfully.
Hobo: Can I ask for a favor?
Man: Not today, mate (walks away)
Hobo, muttering: Well, at least you're honest.
Outside Mall
West Australia
That's a Funny Name for a Ghost!
Crazy guy: Hey, June*! Do you know that my cabinets keep opening and closing by themselves?
June*: Well, do you believe in ghosts?
Crazy guy: Yes, I do!
June*: Maybe your place is haunted, and the ghosts just want to say hello.
Crazy guy, after thinking a while: No, I think it's just my schizophrenia.
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Sweenan A. Mornstuy
Categories: Crazies | Girls | Guys | Mental illnesses | Sensory experiences | Vermont | Wishes | Posted 2010-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Of Condoms?
College guy, shouting out window: She makes me jealous. She's so hot!
Friend, mumbling: 48-pack!
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: Rachel S.
Categories: Beauty | Feelings | Frat boy types | Friends | Indiana | Posted 2010-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One Unhealthy Appetite at a Time
Dude #1: This street smells like greasy food and whores!
Dude #2: I could go for some greasy food right now.
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: MF
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Guys | Michigan | Sensory experiences | Sex | Posted 2010-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have You Read The Protocols Of the Elders Of Annapolis?
Guy on phone: No I'll never join the navy. (pause) Because me joining the navy would be like Hitler joining the Jewish church!
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Kapti
Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | History | Jobs & Careers | Michigan | On the phone | Religion | Posted 2010-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
K-Fed: Explained.
Scruffy guy: Shit, I'd suck dick for money. I've always kind of wished I was a girl so I could be a stripper... or a whore.
Gainesville, Florida
Ad: Maybe She's Bored With It, Maybe It's Heroin
Girl #1: Why did they all look at you like you were on heroin?
Girl #2: I don't know. I always act like I am on heroin, but I just take Xanax.
Mall
Virginia
Ireland: Encapsulated.
20-something boyfriend with arm around girlfriend: God, we've saved a fortune not buying condoms recently.
Girlfriend: Yeah, a few more years of this and a baby will have paid for itself!
Cork
Ireland
Need a Vacation from the Metric System, Canadia?
Deli customer: Could I have a kilo of shaved black forest ham, please?
Confused deli worker: How much?
Deli customer: One kilo.
Confused deli worker: I need to know how much you want.
Deli customer, getting frustrated: One kilo of shaved black forest ham.
Confused deli worker: So, 500 grams?
Deli customer, astonished: A kilo is 1000 grams.
Confused deli worker: Um... How much do you want?
Deli customer, annoyed: One kilo.
Confused deli worker: I don't know how much you want.
Deli customer, more annoyed: One kilo. 1000 grams.
Confused deli worker, after thinking for a minute: So, two 500 gram packages?
Deli customer, astonished: Sure.
Deli customer's partner: Are you serious?
Edmonton
Canadia
Overheard by: Math is hard
Have You Even Read "Romeo and Juliet", Sir?
Priest: Their first love has brought them so many tears and grief... and black eyes. But they will love again!
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Christianity | Feelings | New Jersey | Religious fanatics | Violence | Posted 2010-07-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Haven't We All Been There?
Woman on cell in department store: She's probably trading food for underwear.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Leslie
Categories: Food | Ohio | On the phone | Undies | Women | Posted 2010-07-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Either Believe That, or Commit Suicide
Physiotherapist: I have a small wife, so a small penis is okay.
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Doctors | Penis | Stupidity | Posted 2010-07-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can't Shame Me Into the Army
College guy: I'm scared!
College girl: Just do it!
College guy: No, I'm scared!
College girl: Be a man!
College guy: I don't wanna!
Salisbury, Maryland
...In the Immortal Words Of Jack Kerouac
Old lady: I have a roof over me and clothes on my back, but I can't wash my box...
Lowell, Massachusetts
Overheard by: glad I wasn't sitting next to her
Categories: Cleanliness | Clothes | Massachusetts | Old folks | Vagina | Posted 2010-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good Job, Guys
Dad: Okay kids, here's a penny for each of you! Throw it in the fountain and make a wish! Mark*, what did you wish for?
Mark*: A cupcake!
Dad: Okay! Joe*, what did you wish for?
Joe*: A garbage can!
Zoo
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
...After Every Meal!
Little old lady to another as they part ways: Have a pleasant day, and don't forget to google!
Little old lady #2: What?
Little old lady #1: Google!
Union Station
Chicago, Illinois
It's Not Like Your GPS Has Anything Better to Do
Middle aged guy leaning against big truck: She just sounds so disappointed, you know?
Middle aged guy sitting inside big truck: Yeah, totally.
Middle aged guy leaning against big truck, sounding disappointed: Recalculating... Recalculating...
British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: Cybele
Nature: 3 Nurture: 0
Five-year-old boy, watching news about Priscilla Queen of the Desert on tv: Those ladies look very strange.
Dad: They're actually men dressed as ladies, Edward.
Five-year-old boy: I'm going to dress like that when I'm a man!
London
England
Overheard by: Murray
One Downmanship Is Fun!
Woman #1: Sorry I'm late, I had bad anxiety.
Woman #2: I have bad allergies and a hangover.
Woman #1: Well, I'm pregnant.
Woman #3, looking up suddenly: What!?
Woman #1: Top that!
Barnes & Noble
Birmingham, Alabama
...With a Preference for Manila Sex
Out-of-towner: I like being paid in envelopes; it makes me feel like a prostitute.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jonathan
Categories: Compare and contrast | Foreigners | Jobs & Careers | Money | Pennsylvania | Posted 2010-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All the Other Races Do It!
College girl to college guy: So you won't marry me but you'll procreate with me?
Glendale, Wisconsin
Categories: Frat boy types | Kids | Parenting | Pregnancy | Questions | Relationships | Sex | Sorority types | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Show on TLC, in a Nutshell.
Boy #1: Nobody wants to see that.
Boy #2: Yeah, that's nasty. Nobody wants to see that.
Boy #3: I want to see that.
Boy #2, after long pause: Yeah, me too.
Boy #1: Yeah, that would be pretty awesome to see.
High School
Texas
Categories: Kids | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Texas | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Landscaping
Attractive girl: Lesbians aren't there for your entertainment.
Young guy: Well, gays aren't there to be your shopping assistants, yet somehow you seem to have pulled that off. I figure we can do the same thing, except instead of shopping, it's sex.
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: veryinterestedin this plan
All You Need Is a Duffel Bag
Woman to coworker: You'd think if they were going to decapitate someone they wouldn't hide the evidence in their rear window.
West Lebanon, New Hampshire
Categories: Coworkers | Crimes | Murder | New Hampshire | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Last Time, It's Called a "Tax Audit"
Party girl: It's a pow-wow!
Party guy: Dude, everyone knows it's not a pow-wow without a fire.
Party girl: I have a sombrero.
Party guy: No, no, that's a fiesta!
Salisbury, Maryland
Categories: Language barrier | Maryland | Sorority types | Words | Posted 2010-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
America: Encapsulated.
Slightly obese lady on cell: Of course I'm at the gym, honey! I promised to go to the gym today, so I'm at the gym! (hangs up, talks to friend) What an idiot. I want some ice cream.
Ice Cream Shop
Missouri
Overheard by: jeeves
Categories: Diet & weight | Fat people | Food | Friends | Insults | Lies | Missouri | On the phone | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2010-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Look What Happened to Me!
Pregnant mother to son: Stop throwing daddy's meat around!
Outback Steakhouse
Parsippany, New Jersey
Categories: Family | Food | New Jersey | Parenting | Penis | Preggers | Restaurants | Posted 2010-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Agree, at Least in Principle
20-something on cell: So I said to her, "I don't care if you are my stepsister: if you shaved it, I want to see it!"
San Francisco, California
Categories: Family ties | Health & Hygiene | On the phone | San Francisco | Shaving | Vagina | Posted 2010-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Cooool...
Clueless dude on tiny bike: So... What are you?
Cute racially ambiguous girl: What am I? Like what race am I?
Dude: Uh, yeah.
Girl: What kind of question is that?! Is that how you talk to girls? I'm an alien, okay? I'm from Mars!
Boston, Massachusetts
Perilously Close to Being a Lovely Haiku.
7-year old kid #1: It's raining.
7-year old kid #2: The hurricanes are upon us, bitch!
7-year old kid #1, after long pause: It's raining.
New Jersey
Overheard by: it was raining
Categories: Insults | Kids | New Jersey | Weather | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Unless You're Ready to Make the Commitment Once and for All.
Construction worker #1, singing: I'm not talking 'bout moving in...
Construction worker #2: Shut the fuck up already!
Thibodaux, Louisiana
Categories: Comebacks | Construction workers | Insults | Louisiana | Posted 2010-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does That Explain Your Face-Condom?
College girl #1: Makeup is like a sock for your face: it covers it, but doesn't really protect it.
College girl #2: Wow... That's deep.
New Mexico
Categories: Compare and contrast | Fashion | New Mexico | Philosophy | Sorority types | Posted 2010-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mrs. Clinton's a Superb Secretary Of State
Hobo in track suit, shouting into cell: Why? Because she has no goddamn boundaries!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Hobos | Insults | Massachusetts | On the phone | Questions | Posted 2010-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Being a Termite Must Suck
Grungy teenager to group of grungy friends: And then I ate half of a cardboard box!
Olympia, Washington
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Diet & weight | Food | Friends | Teens | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Suggested I Test the Tracks by Sleeping on Them
Angry girl on cell: No, I seriously hate him. He wouldn't stop laughing at me the entire night, and I felt like an idiot. All I asked was whether real trains still run on train tracks. I mean, I just thought the tracks were antiques that got left behind or something... It's not a stupid question!
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: kgirl42
Categories: Feelings | Girls | Gripes | On the phone | Public Transportation | Questions | Stupidity | Washington | Posted 2010-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Obesity: Explained.
Little boy, pointing to a box of cereal: What's this?
Mom: Cocoa Krispies. It's chocolate-flavored Rice Krispies.
Little boy: Oh my god!
Stop & Shop
Mamaroneck, New York
Overheard by: Diana
And Treat It in Much the Same Way.
Indian girl to friend: When I have a baby, I'm going to name it after my pet rock.
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Amanda
Featuring a Bottomless Cup Of Coffee
Girl: Yeah, I work at Show Me's. It's like Hooters, only sluttier.
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Categories: Compare and contrast | Girls | Insults | Jobs & Careers | New Mexico | Posted 2010-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Read the Previous Month's Quotes!
