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June 2010 Archives
Then Maya Angelou Bitch-Slapped That Opinion Out Of Me
Woman #1: So how did the date go?
Woman #2: Well, he started telling me about his favorite books, and I was all: "you know niggas can't read!"
Georgia
...I'm Saving That for Marriage.
Girlfriend: Ugh, I can't think about hot dogs or sausages when I eat them. I can't bare to think what body parts I'm eating.
Boyfriend: Oh, hush. Look at what else you eat.
Girlfriend: I know, but I like you! And I wouldn't eat your arm!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Couples | Feelings | Food | New Jersey | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Well, This Has Been Fun. See You at Christmas!
Girl #1: Happy Easter! I love you!
Girl #2: Happy Easter! (pause) This is funny... We're both atheists.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Girls | Holidays | New Jersey | Religion | Posted 2010-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Further Evidence That College Doesn't Buy You Class
Dude #1, seeing sign reading "cum laude": Look at that sign: cum load!
Dude #2: I was just going to say that!
Mol
Belgium
What Are You Doing in Community College?
Black guy: Hey! What country you from?
Asian girl: Um... America?
Black guy: You look Chinese.
Asian girl: I am?
Community College
Godfrey, Illinois
Overheard by: M
Categories: Asians | Black people | Colleges & Universities | Illinois | Questions | Race | Posted 2010-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kirstie Alley Lights Of Up the Screen in Look Who's Tanning!
Pale girl: Sure, I'll go tanning with you. How much is it?
Dark girl: For the baby bed, only $7.
Pale girl: The baby bed? What's the baby bed?
Dark girl: What you need to do, girl!
Pale girl: Yeah, but do they, like... Put babies in it?
Drexel University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: I wouldn't know either....
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Kids | Money | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Posted 2010-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
New Yorkers: We Thought It Was Clean
Girl #1: I wonder if vegans get on the metro and, like, can't sit down because the seats are leather.
Guy: No, this is pleather.
Girl #2: If it were leather it would smell like it.
Guy: No, that's only clean leather.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Vegan sitting on the Metro
Categories: Diet & weight | Girls | Guys | Public Transportation | Sensory experiences | Washington, DC | Posted 2010-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then They Die
Girl #1: Corey's* got a treatment scheduled for Monday.
Girl #2: What's wrong with him?
Guy: Nothing.
Girl #1: He's got cancer.
Guy: He's fine. People get cancer all the time.
Nicholls State University
Thibodaux, Louisiana
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Louisiana | Maladies | Stupidity | Posted 2010-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Probably Time for Another Field Trip
Teacher: So what gets left behind when sea water evaporates?
Student: Fishies!
Melbourne
Australia
...So I Requested a Different Waiter.
Girl to friends: He looked like a Mexican vampire, and it did not work for me.
Clarksville, Maryland
Overheard by: I can see why
Categories: Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Maryland | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Given My Raspy Voice
Blonde: I like berries. Kate, you should be a berry.
Kate: That can be arranged.
California
Categories: California | Fruit | Girls | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Girl Who Wears Her Thong As a Headband Has No Shame
Girl: She came in at 5:30 in the morning. Is she like trying to beat the walk of shame rush?
University of Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Florida | Girls | Questions | Time Management | Posted 2010-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...According to Miss Manners.
Girl #1: Oh, I like your jacket.
Girl #2: Thanks, it's not mine, Julie loaned it to me. Thank god she did, because she puked on mine.
Girl #1: Is that why she loaned it to you?
Girl #2: No, I didn't tell her she puked on mine. It's not really cool to bring up stuff people did when they were having a seizure.
Cork
Ireland
Categories: Clothing | Compliments | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Ireland | Questions | Posted 2010-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Are Balls.
13-year-old boy in black "Rock On" shirt: I want a pink ball. Pink is manly.
Stephens City, Virginia
Overheard by: Tybois
Categories: Fashion | Gender issues | Teens | Virginia | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Two Types Of Party Girl, in a Nutshell
Brunette at party: We need more vodka!
Blonde: I have Ativan.
San Francisco, California
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Girls | Health & Hygiene | San Francisco | Posted 2010-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Henry VIII's Kids Had Some Serious Psychological Issues
Little girl, holding mannequin's hand: Daddy! Daddy! Look!
Dad: Is that your new mommy?
Little girl, singing: No! She doesn't have a head!
Coralville, Iowa
You Can't Get Decent Sackcloth Anymore
Crazy-religious-dude, pointing at male student: Are you free from sin?
Male student: Yes I am!
Cray-religious-dude: Sure about that? (looks student over) Then why is your shirt so tight?
Florida International University
Categories: Christianity | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Crazies | Florida | Questions | Religious fanatics | Posted 2010-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can't Unring a Bell, Babe
Male bartender: Why'd you open a new grenadine? We have an open one right here. See? Cherry drips all over it.
Female bartender: I got your cherry drips right here. (pause) Wait. Never mind.
St. Louis Park, Minnesota
Overheard by: Whelan
Categories: Bartenders | Cum | Drinking & drunks | Minnesota | Posted 2010-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ten Bucks Says He Still Tries to Sleep with Her
Serious gentleman: The historical figure from recent history that I most respect? I'd have to say... Gandhi.
Cute young woman: Gandhi? I think I've seen some of his work...
Dinner Party
London
England
It Keeps Me from Biting Myself
Teacher, about Thoreau: Who's heard about the cone of silence?
Kid: I know about the cone of shame!
Concord Museum
Concord, Massachusetts
Categories: Education | Kids | Massachusetts | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2010-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And 36C.
Girl selling coffee: Do you want sugar in this?
Guy buying coffee: How big are your cups?
Girl selling coffee, face turning red: That's a bit personal!
Scotland
Overheard by: somedaftlassie
I Just Barely Care About People
Philosophy student #1, about biomedical ethics: Yeah, we just don't know enough yet to go around screwing with genetic manipulation. Like, cloning people. That creeps me out.
Philosophy student #2: That sheep they cloned, Dolly. She died recently, didn't she? She was like five or six years old.
Philosophy student #1: Yeah. I don't think she lived very long.
Philosophy student #2: What's an average sheep lifespan?
Philosophy student #1, in defensive tone of voice: I don't know! I don't care about sheep!
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Age and ageing | Animals | Canadia | Death & dying | Philosophy | Science | Students | Posted 2010-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...You're in for One Miserable Ride.
Angry girl to group of male friends: You can sleep with my mother, you can kill my father, you can burn down my house, but if you fuck with my bike...
Harvard University
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Veli Velo
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Massachusetts | Murder | Sex | Violence | Posted 2010-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Tom Cruise Has It
White-haired 60-something lady on cell: I can't live there anymore. (pause) No, it's not that. She's trying to force her Scientology on me. (pause) Oh, you didn't know? Yeah, she's not a lesbian anymore. She joined Scientology to change her from being lesbian. (pause) They made her lesbian side go away.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Categories: Louisiana | On the phone | Religion | Sexuality | Women | Posted 2010-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess Who's Had a Little Too Much Caffeine?
Guy: I'm not exactly awake yet. Hence the espresso. (holds up cup)
Girl: Oh, you should pour it all over yourself!
Guy: I think that would be contrary to waking up.
Girl: No, no. You'd absorb the caffeine into your skin, and you'd become Awake Man! And your arch-nemesis would be the Sandman, and... and... stuff.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Food | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Promise Nothing
Guy: I'm so horny, I want a blowjob so bad...
Girl: You're not gonna cry again this time, are you?
The Poconos
Pennsylvania
Nobody Expects a Gay Guy to Carry a Speculum
Gay guy: Give me a sip of your drink!
Girl: No!
Gay guy: Give me a sip or I'll bite your cervix!
Military College
Georgia
Overheard by: Amanda
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Georgia | Girls | Offers and requests | Queers | Threats | Violence | Posted 2010-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Can Only Hope That Means Something Different in England
Mother: So where are we going now?
Young son: Poon! Wooo!
Newcastle
England
Overheard by: Cate
See? You're Obviously a New Yorker!
Nigerian guy, joking: Ha ha! Yeah, it's probably because I am black, hey.
American girl: Oh my god, you can't say that! You have to say "African-American."
Nigerian guy: But I'm not African-American; I'm Nigerian. I suppose you could say "African"?
American girl: No, look, we learned it in elementary school! It's "African-American"!
Nigerian guy: Okay... So you're Scandinavian, by that rationale.
American girl: No, I'm American! You're African-American!
English guy: Please shut the fuck up.
Cambridge
England
Overheard by: TopCat
The Episode Of MacGuyver I'd Pay to See
Weird lady getting her hair cut: The nail just wouldn't stay down on my toe. So because it was all loose, junk kept getting in there. The doctor basically told me that junk would just keep getting in there.
Stylist: Wow!
(a minute later)
Weird lady getting her hair cut: If I could have one of those guys do my wedding, I'd be all like, "here's a doily and a paper cup, see what you can do."
Stylist: Yeah.
Weird lady getting her hair cut: I mean if you can't have a bangin wedding in Puerto Rico, you might as well see what you can get from a doily and a paper cup here.
Stylist: Yeah.
Supercuts
Pennsylvania
Categories: Body parts | Clients | Compare and contrast | Employees | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Posted 2010-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Now That We've Invented These Little Wagons for Them.
Older teenager: Go get me my Clif Bar!
Little girl, eating ice cream sandwich: I will, but I don't want my ice cream to melt.
Older teenager, very annoyed: Bring it with you. You know an ice cream sandwich is portable!
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Food | Girls | New York | Offers and requests | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: Good Will Cunting
Girl to friend doing geometry worksheet: If the answer's 27.5, my vagina is a genius.
Tampa, Florida
...Wanting to Make Something Of Themselves
Ditzy girl #1: Like, I love her... but she's just so dumb.
Ditzy girl #2: I know! I mean, she wants to take the MCAT. I don't understand that kind of people.
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
I Can't Believe the Army Rejected Me
Guy #1: Hey, did you ever watch Paris Hilton's sex tape?
Guy #2: Yeah, it wasn't a turn-on though, she's in pain. Man, I couldn't wank to that.
Guy #1: Yeah, it'd be like wanking to a rape video.
Guy #3: I'd wank to that.
Glasgow
Scotland
Categories: About celebrities | Guys | Masturbation | Movies | Sex | UK | Violence | Posted 2010-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One Of Those Rare Days When the Sun Comes Out
Half-naked girl to clothed passerby: Whassup? It's just one of those days.
Clothed passerby: I hear ya.
Eugene, Oregon
Granted, We Learned About the Teacher's Sex Life...
Teen girl #1: How was econ today?
Teen girl #2, indignantly: We actually learned something, I was so bummed...
Beverly Hills High School
Beverly Hills, California
Overheard by: zen
Categories: California | Education | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2010-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Anywhere, Really
Middle aged woman to waitress: How do you stay so thin?
Waitress, serving woman dessert: I don't eat here.
Restaurant
Saskatchewan
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Diet & weight | Employees | Food | Questions | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2010-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Haven't You Seen America's Next Top Muslim?
Guy on cell: Or maybe Mohammad is just less photogenic than Jesus.
Hyde Park
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Anya
Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | Illinois | Jesus | On the phone | Religion | Posted 2010-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Casper the Friendly Ghost Has Difficulty Keeping a Girlfriend
Really stoned girl: Oh god, my first relationship was horrible. It was just six weeks of me being scared of his genitals.
Canberra
Australia
Overheard by: Boffins
Categories: Australia | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Fears | Relationships | Stoners | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Weirdest. Job Interview. Ever.
Man on cell in very quiet bus: Look. I took the pills, I put the powder in my pants, I don't have cooties anymore!
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Kat from Tacoma
Categories: Bus | Guys | Health & Hygiene | On the phone | STDs | Undies | Washington | Posted 2010-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pshaw, Maybe in Middle School.
Girl #1: Did you ever have a threesome?
Girl #2: Does a train count?
Norristown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: e
Categories: Girls | Pennsylvania | Public Transportation | Sex | Posted 2010-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hear Target Has Moms at Bargain Prices
Little girl, trying to find her mom: Mommy! Mom! Mom!
(she finds her)
Little girl: Hey, mom!
Mom, totally deadpan: I'm not your mom, you should go find your real mom.
Little girl: Mom...?
Mom: I am not your mom. It's time you go find your real mom.
Little girl: But... Mom...
Mom: Fine, what?!
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Rachel
Categories: Family ties | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Was a One-time Political Statement.
Girl #1: Did you finish your French project?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: Did you puke on it?
Girl #2: No, not this time.
Laguna Hills, California
Categories: California | Education | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Have Her Eyes, Patrick
Drunk guy #1: I don't know, I bet she was a nice-looking Irish lass back in her day.
Drunk guy #2: You keep calling my grandma a piece of ass like it's a compliment.
Bar
Syracuse, New York
Overheard by: Mike K.
Categories: Ass | Bars & Clubs | Compliments | Drunks | Family ties | New York | Posted 2010-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks So Much, You Obese Cocksucker! Love Ya!
Teenage girl to friend: You're pretty fucked up too. (pause) No, I mean in a positive way!
Melbourne
Australia
...In the Soft Porn Industry
Pretty hipster to hipster friend with iPhone: Danny! Stop taking pictures of random girls!
Hipster friend with iPhone: I can't help it, I need them for my work...
Elkhart, Indiana
Categories: Cell phones | Friends | Hipsters | Indiana | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2010-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From the Brokeback Mountain Outtakes
Guy: Stop accessorizing the tent! You're such a girl!
Old Cedar Campgrounds
Monroeville, New Jersey
Categories: Fashion | Gender issues | Guys | New Jersey | Posted 2010-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Happens After Every NAMBLA Convention
Mom to eight-year-old son: Do you want pizza tonight?
Son: No! I can't eat that, I just got pregnant!
Naperville, Illinois
Why We Drop Our Childhood Friends: Explained
Tween girl in pack of tween girls: Yes, he's my friend! He's nice! But I guess if I thought about it, I wouldn't like him.
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Isotope Feeney
Categories: Compliments | Feelings | Tweens | Vermont | Posted 2010-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on The Real Single Moms Of New Jersey
Tough, burly, tattooed mom: C'mon, honey, you'll like it!
Tearful four-year-old boy: I don't wanna!
Tough, burly, tattooed mom: Everyone loves the beer store! (pulls boy into beer kiosk)
Collingswood Auction
Farmingdale, New Jersey
Overheard by: not EVERYONE
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Education | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's on My Google Calendar!
Girl #1: Ew! Are you gonna ask her tonight? You gonna ask her?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Why she has a huge fucking bush!
Girl #2: Oh, for sure!
McGill University
Montreal
Canadia
Australian Pornos Actually Have Plots
Lady in the cafe: I stole that woman's bra, that's why her boobs were exposed.
Opera
Melbourne
Australia
No More Babysitting for You, Suzanne.
Nerdy girl to Asian friend: I mean, it was pathetic. I could've had my top off and had a sign around my neck that said "free blowjobs" and they wouldn't have noticed. They were all crowded around Mike watching him play Pokemon.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Asians | BJs | Body parts | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Friends | Games | Illinois | Posted 2010-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Final Solution to the School Year
Enthusiastic teacher: We're doing a scavenger hunt today!
Student, dubiously: A scavenger hunt?
Enthusiastic teacher, nodding: Yeah, it's like ... It's like a Nazi Easter egg hunt.
North Carolina
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | History | North Carolina | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Taco Bell, Delicious but Disgusting
Canadian woman #1: And they found DNA in it.
Canadian woman #2: What?
Canadian woman #1: Sperm.
Canadian woman #2: What?! Again?! That's it, I'm not eating there anymore.
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Rachel
Categories: Cum | Food | Foreigners | Washington | Women | Posted 2010-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Stabbing a Stranger Is Okay: An Overheard Everywhere Short Story
Indecisive young woman to stranger: It's just so hard to chose which wallet I want!
Stranger: Er, yeah. I'm shopping for a gift for a friend.
Indecisive young woman, holding up two wallets: What do you think, the red or the black?
Stranger: Ummmmm... The black.
Indecisive young woman: Hmmmm. It's just that red is so classy, you know?
Stranger: Then take the red one.
Indecisive young woman: But red doesn't go with everything... Black goes with everything.
Stranger: Then take the black one.
Indecisive young woman: I don't know. I don't like the way it looks inside. I liked that brown one over there (points) but it's a color that would just get dirty so quickly, you know?
Stranger: Mmmm-hmmm.
indecisive young woman, holding up two other wallets: What do you think, what suits me best?
Stranger: Um, they're both nice. It's hard to say which is best.
Indecisive young woman: Oh, I know... Choosing a wallet is such a personal thing, you know?
Mall
Australia
Overheard by: which is why you ask a complete stranger for their opinion
So Gay Men Aren't the Target Demograpic for That?
Straight girl: So then we were making out, and it was really good...
Gay guy #1: Wait, isn't this story supposed to be about how good he was at going down on you?
Straight girl: Oh, I'm getting there.
Gay guy #2: Yeah, okay, but this is really taking too long. Get to the point.
Gay guy #1: Seriously. I mean, we don't really like hearing about straight hookups anyway. It's gross. We're just humoring you.
Guy guy #3: This is like the longest pussy-eating story I've heard all day.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: TMI
Categories: Fag hags | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Licking | Queers | San Francisco | Sex | Sexuality | Vagina | Posted 2010-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Let a Toothless Smile Be Your Umbrella
20-something Puerto Rican female passenger: God, I hate this weather!
Young black passenger: Man, I love this weather! The rain is good.
20-something Puerto Rican female passenger: I want sunshine!
Young black passenger: No, man, the rain is great... It's perfect meth weather.
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Mia Coleman
Categories: Black people | Bus | Drugs | Feelings | Gripes | Latinas | Washington | Weather | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Close Enough.
Female student: It's a Wonderful Life... That's the one about the Holocaust, right?
Clarksville, Maryland
Overheard by: Jimmy Steward played Hitler
Why In Touch Weekly Exists: Explained.
Employee #1: Are you filling in for Jane*?
Employee #2: Yeah, is she okay?
Employee #1: Yeah, she's all right. Apparently her stalker's in town so she just had to go to the precinct and file all these reports.
Employee #2: Jane* has a stalker? That is fabulous and terrifying all at once.
Yoga Studio
Manhattan, New York
God Bless the USA!
English professor: "My wife, Bob, is pregnant." Polygamy, pregnant men, gay marriage--it's got it all!
University of Rock County
Wisconsin
Overheard by: Aku
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Pregnancy | Relationships | Sexuality | Teachers | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Slow It Is, Sir
Surgeon: Hey, I need to change the big, sticky plastic dressing on your arm. Wanna go slow or do it in one fell swoop?
Patient, looking at dressing covering length of arm: Nahhh, that ain't gon' be no wonton soup...
Jamaica Hospital
Overheard by: MS3
Categories: Body parts | Doctors | Food | Health & Hygiene | New York | Patients | Posted 2010-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...For Knowing What Guys Like
Preppy girl #1: So, Emily's a total slut.
Preppy girl #2: I know, right?
Preppy guy: Wait, what's she like?
Preppy girl #1: Umm, like, a d.
Preppy girl #2: No, no, no: double d.
Preppy guy: I was talking about her personality, but thanks...
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Gossip | Insults | New York | Preppies | Posted 2010-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Winter Olympics: Explained
Man in expensive dark suit #1, with grave look on his face: It was toasted. I should never have got it toasted. Now it's all... Cold, and crunchy. (in tone of intense disgust) Toasted.
Man in expensive dark suit #2, looking even more serious than the first: Toasted... You should know better. Never get it toasted if you're saving it.
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Sensory experiences | Suits | Weirdness | Posted 2010-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Gives the Same Answer to "Is the Bathroom Clean?"
Customer: Is this a cheese danish?
Hipster barista: It's lemon creme...kind of cheesy, I guess.
Customer: Is it good?
Hipster barista: Kind of... It's subjective.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Baristas | Customers | Food | Hipsters | Pennsylvania | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Same Reason We Don't Care Who Warthogs Mate With
Daughter: You know, they should put up a warning sign at that camp. "Warning: do not hook up with each other, you are probably second cousins. You will have mutant babies."
Mother: But they're already mutants, so it's okay.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Christianne
And Perhaps Buy a Special Bra.
Girl to friends: Mine is, like, nubby!
Friend: You should probably get that checked out...
Culver, Indiana
Categories: Advice | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Indiana | Posted 2010-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Mine Just Tells Me to Burn Things.
Mother to teenage daughter: Are you sure you don't want anything?
Skinny teenage daughter: Nah. (shrugs) My uterus isn't happy.
(mother raises a quizzical eyebrow)
Skinny teenage daughter: It's all like: "hello, I'm a uterus, and I'm going to bloat my way through for awhile, and push Ms Stomach organ out through Ms Bellybutton."
Mother: Oh.
Burger King
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: i just work here...
Categories: Body parts | Happiness | Moms | New York | Restaurants | Skinny people | Teens | Uterus | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Think Of It Like That Marijuana You Have in Your Desk
Teenage girl in the middle of high school hallway: Hold on to your virginity, Kaylee! Hold on to it, and never let it go!
Edmonton
Canadia
Categories: Advice | Canadia | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Virginity | Posted 2010-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Culinary Students Have Orgies
Tiny college girl waiting in line: The cookies are soooooo good!
Tall male friend, confused: The ice cream?
Tiny college girl: The penises!
Tall male friend: Oh!
Tiny college girl: We just didn't let them cool!
Stop & Shop
Manhattan, New York
Friends First Is the Only Way to Go With the Godhead
Orange-shirted Lutheran youth: I feel something...
Overcompensating Lutheran chaperon: What did you feel? Is it inside? Maybe it's Jesus. (pause) Is Jesus talking to you? What did he say? (waves hands in air) Praise Jesus!
Orange-shirted Lutheran youth: I think he said you should stop telling people he touches them.
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: Untouched
Categories: Jesus | Louisiana | Questions | Religious fanatics | Posted 2010-06-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I'm a B-Cup, Easy
Teenage boy to teenage girl: I have a bigger penis than you.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Gender issues | Penis | Teens | Washington | Posted 2010-06-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Seen in Little People, Big Bummer
Very tall boy on Taipei subway: You don't need to diet, you need to grow taller.
Very short girl: I would if I could.
Very tall boy: Do you want to go to the concert?
Very short girl: I don't go to concerts.
Very tall boy: Why not?
Very short girl: I can never see anything.
Shout-out: talovich.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Yugan Dali
Categories: Advice | Diet & weight | Girls | Guys | Other sites | Taiwan | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...When I Asked Them to Unplug the Faxierphone.
Ditzy new student: People don't think I'm smart. But I just don't, like, like big words. I don't use them. I used one of them once at work and no one knew what I was talking about!
University of South Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Jobs & Careers | Students | Words | Posted 2010-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least It's My Tuxedo Speedo.
Flamboyantly gay guy in teeny Speedo, looking at bride in hotel lobby: Ummmm... Is there a wedding here?
Front desk agent, also looking at bride: Yup.
Gay guy, disgusted: God, I feel so silly in my Speedo.
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: proud to be... an idiot?
Categories: Arizona | Clothing | Employees | Queers | Relationships | Posted 2010-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Although You're Kind Of Taking the Choice Out Of My Hands Right Now.
40-something pant suit lady #1: I've been trying to cut back on my calories.
40-something pant suit lady #2: Well, you should try...
40-something pant suit lady #3, interrupting: You should try eating a lot of fruit.
40-something pant suit lady #1: Yeah, that sounds like a great idea, my friend told me about...
40-something pant suit lady #2, interrupting: No one ever listens to me! You're always ignoring what I'm saying, and I have a lot of good things to say. (turns to 20-something male at next table) You would listen to me wouldn't you?
20-something male, looking annoyed: No.
Panera
Norfolk, Virginia
Overheard by: Sweedie
It's More About the Attitude Than the Plumbing
Gay guy to female friend: Just because I have testicles doesn't mean I'm any less of a woman.
Saskatchewan
Canadia
Categories: Balls | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Gender issues | Queers | Posted 2010-06-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As We Learned in Biology Class
Drunk dude to girl: You will get absolutely no penis in your life! None!
Transit Train
New Jersey
Overheard by: Russ
...Mmm, Okay, Leave the Shirt Off.
Girl #1, watching attractive guy: Du-ude, check that out!
Girl #2: Oooh. Yummy! (notices friend shamelessly ogling)
Girl #1: Elizabeth!! Put his clothes back on!
Yale University
New Haven, Connecticut
Overheard by: You Can Take Mine Instead
Categories: Beauty | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Connecticut | Girls | Posted 2010-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only If They Don't Squeak
Student: Is it okay to wear leather trousers to a funeral?
Hull University
Hull
England
Categories: Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Etiquette | Students | UK | Posted 2010-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's Complicated About That?
Girl on cell: She feels Facebook ruined their relationship.
Bus
Malmö
Sweden
Categories: Bus | Girls | Internet | On the phone | Relationships | Sweden | Posted 2010-06-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Do Not Want to See the Rest Of the DVD
Drunk mother to son: Look at the two girls at the bar behind you. The one in the blue shirt has huge boobs!
Son to drunk mother: They look familiar.
Foster City, California
Categories: California | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Family | Moms | Rack | Posted 2010-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...According to This Hallmark Card.
Woman #1: Look at that rainbow outside!! It's huge!
Woman #2: I know! It's like when you see a black dick for the first time.
Turlock, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Penis | Race | Weather | Women | Posted 2010-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Liquid Soap Was to Die for
Redneck man with mullet coming out of bathroom: Well, son, that was some mighty fine hand dryer, wudn't it?
Son,excitedly: Yeah, pops, sure was!
Shepherdsville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Chelsea
The Graduate, in a Nutshell
Guy: My parents seem fake. My parents' friends seem really really fake.
Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Guys | Lies | Parenting | Texas | Posted 2010-06-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Hard Is That?
Old woman, yelling: Did you remember to put Viagra on the list?
Old man, yelling, very annoyed: Of course I did!
Old woman, yelling: Well, I don't know! You forgot to put milk on the list!
Mall
New Hampshire
Categories: Food | Health & Hygiene | Malls | New Hampshire | Old folks | Posted 2010-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Didn't Back Up Over It. That's Gay.
English major #1: So, I totally ran over a snake today.
English major #2: Was it an anaconda?
English major #1: I don't know... It was a snake!
English major #3: Was it a grass snake?
English major #2: Was it a trouser snake?
English major #1: Yes. I ran over a penis.
Southern Illinois University
Edwardsville, Edwardsville, Illinois
Overheard by: M
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Illinois | Penis | Students | Posted 2010-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially, Headless Ones Dressed in Couture
Trendy girl, extremely serious: But like I am totally scared of mannequins! (pause) Mannequins, and big giraffes. I'm really just scared of all jungle animals in general.
Manhattan, Kansas
Internet Audiences *Loved* Two Girls, One Copy
Teacher: Please staple again. Please, if there is a god, staple again. Do it! Staple! Push it down hard! I want to hear you staple!
Middle School
North Carolina
Categories: God | North Carolina | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-06-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Raise Your Hand If You See Nothing Wrong with This Logic
Old Scottish professor in mid lecture: There happened to be something wrong with the quality of the product from the plant in Belgium, and the company response was: "well, of course you're getting sick, you live in Belgium. What a stupid place to live."
Medford, Massachusetts
The Kind Of Guy Who Takes Women's Studies Classes to Meet Chicks
Women speaking to crowd at rally: We're here to take a stand against violence towards girls and women!
Solo guy in middle of the crowd: Woo! Yeah!
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Can you yell innapropriate?
...So We Had to Tend to It.
Guy: You abandoned me last night! Both of you, you and James*!
Girl: I'm sorry, I was feeling sick. And I told James* to go back to the bar afterwards, but then, you know, I have a vagina...
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Feelings | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Sex | Vagina | Posted 2010-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Because Most Of You Got That Wrong on the Midterm.
US History professor, angrily: I don't put up stuff on the overhead for me to masturbate to! I do that at home. Pay attention!
Georgia State University
Overheard by: Kat
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Georgia | Masturbation | Teachers | Posted 2010-06-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
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