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March 2010 Archives
Now Stop Complaining and Start Handing Out Apples
Target employee to another: The way the store is set up is to make the child misbehave and be tempted.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: hilary!
Categories: Employees | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Shopping | Posted 2010-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Frankly, You Should Be More Worried About That Burrito
Five-year-old girl to ten-year-old sister: I don't know what you're so worried about. As long as it's not you who throws the first punch, the principal won't yell at you. That's always what happens with me.
Taco Bell
Plainview, New York
Overheard by: Tina
Categories: Education | Kids | New York | Restaurants | Violence | Posted 2010-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Housebroken, Right?
20-something woman to another: I need to show you to my dog sometime.
Iithaca, New York
Should I Make Her a Little Card That Says That?
Waiter, about female patron: Mmm. So hot. I just want to pump her full of babies!
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Baristas | Beauty | Pregnancy | Sex | Washington | Posted 2010-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Last Time, It Was a Freak Welding Accident!
Guy on cell: Yeah, I get scared when you turn out the lights. (pause) That's not gay. (pause) It's not gay when "turning out the lights" means putting your hands over my eyes while we're test-driving a car that's worth more than your sister's gold plated vahjay!
George Mason University
Virginia
Overheard by: Your sister won
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Fears | Guys | Money | On the phone | Vagina | Virginia | Posted 2010-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Know I'm Flakey, But I Was Just Itching to Shop.
Foreign chick on cell: I'm at the gonorrhea. (pause) No, I'm at the gonorrhea. Yah... In yewstun. I'm at deelurds in the gonorrhea.
Dillards, The Galleria
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: OMG She had VD
Categories: Foreigners | Language barrier | On the phone | STDs | Stores | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Usually I'm Able to Draw a Whole Unicorn Galaxy
Girl: I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't do anything. All I could do in my last class was draw a unicorn!
Emory University
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Christina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Georgia | Girls | Stupidity | Posted 2010-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're So Vanilla We've Given Each Other Diabetes
Tall, pale, blonde girl: And Joe and I realized that we are both ridiculously tall, blonde and blue-eyed. So Aryan. We're basically Hitler's wet dream.
Capitol Hill
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Celessa
"Who Can Shower Less?" Is a Dangerous Game
Girl #1: Awww... I knew I smelled you!
Girl #2: (laughs hysterically)
Bennington College
Bennington, Vermont
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Sensory experiences | Vermont | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Not During School Hours, Please.
Chemistry professor to student who recognized a sketch of the periodic table on whiteboard: You understand my art.
Student: I feel you, Mr K.
Chemistry professor: That is indeed true.
St Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: MAC
It's a Conclusion I've Come to After Many Years Of Self-Reflection
Guy to girl: I hate Asian people named Christine.
Drew University
New Jersey
Overheard by: Greg Everitt
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Guys | Names | New Jersey | Race | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now No One Can See My Tears
Emo teen boy #1 on whitewater raft ride: This ride is fucking shit! My shoes are like totally getting soaked.
Emo teen boy #2: It's getting in your hair.
(emo teen boy #1 pulls singlet over hair to protect it from the water)
Emo teen boy #3: Yeah, it's going all fucked.
Emo teen boy #1: No fucking way, it took us so long to straighten our hair this morning! This ride is fucking shit! Why is there so much water?!
Queensland
Australia
Overheard by: Dylan
And the Utter Decimation, but Whatever.
50-something suit at brunch: The South was a backwards place until air conditioning. That's what allowed them to advance as a people. Now, these hurricanes come and knock out their power. That's why they have so many problems during these storms.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: didn't know ac saved south
My Professor Said It Was the Best Paper He's Gotten in Years
University student: But it must be true... I read it on the internet! I read it on Wikipedia!
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Louise
Categories: Internet | New Zealand | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2010-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Your Sex Blog
Stodgy, old-fashioned professor: It's your birthday? I didn't know, you must not have put it on Facebook.
St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
Categories: Canadia | Stupidity | Teachers | Technology | Posted 2010-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When I Think About Seeing You, I Touch My Eyes
Lady standing in bathroom, giving advice: Hey, you can get STDs from public bathrooms! Don't touch your eyes!
Washington, DC
Overheard by: pretty sure that's not how you get STDs
Categories: Body parts | Crazies | Health & Hygiene | STDs | Washington, DC | Posted 2010-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Believe Fingerpainting and Paste-Eating Are Down the Hall
Dumb blonde: Wait, wasn't Columbus the first president? That's why we have Columbus day!
Professor, calmly: Get out, please.
University of Michigan
Overheard by: getout
We Thought That Was Gin.
Suit to friend: Coffee is like beer for the morning.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Eavesdrop DC | Suits | Posted 2010-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Contract Doesn't Permit Me to Draw Any Conclusions
Guy with chocolate bars: Are these really two for two dollars?
Wal-Mart cashier: All I know is they're a dollar each.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: ellie.
Hey, You Can Take the California Driver's Test in Vagina
Preppy blonde teen: So I told him I really had to go, and he said my pussy was telling him it wanted to stay.
Brunette friend: What the fuck, I never knew he spoke vagina!
Beverly Hills, California
Categories: California | Sex | Teens | Vagina | Posted 2010-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Not As Good As the Cucumber, or the Remote Control
Doctor: Okay, we're going to give you an iron shot.
Nurse: Roll over on your side. Okay, you're just going to feel a little prick in your butt.
Patient: Better than the finger that was up there earlier!
ER
Newport Beach, California
Categories: Ass | California | Compare and contrast | Creepsters | Doctor's office | Doctors | Hands | Nurses | Sensory experiences | Sex | Posted 2010-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Seen One That Could Crack a Walnut Before?
Guy on cell: Look, I'm just saying. If he wants to play hardball, I'm totally prepared to show him just how hard my balls are.
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Overheard by: Jon
Categories: Balls | Guys | On the phone | Overheard at York | Threats | Words | Posted 2010-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hmm...You Also Said the Muppet Babies Were Making You Clean Your Oven.
Woman: The Italian mafia are making me conduct the trains!
Subway Station
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Meech
...Since That's What This Pie Looks Like.
Bakery clerk: It's not like my dog is going to run off and do drugs!
Confused person next in line: Um, ha ha, you never know.
Bakery clerk: Oh, we were just talking about childbirth.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Birthing | Compare and contrast | Customers | Drugs | Employees | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And, in That Moment, I Fell a Little Bit More in Love with Him
Big black lady on cell, while eating: No, girl, you don't even know! He actually said, "do you have a beer in your pocket? Cuz I'd really like to get in yo' pants!"
Irving, Texas
Overheard by: cherryindallas
Categories: Black people | Etiquette | Fat people | On the phone | Questions | Sex | Texas | Posted 2010-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think I Had This Roommate...
Scruffy 20-something guy on cell: I don't care what you do, just leave my fucking rats alone!
Eureka, California
Overheard by: Barry Evans
Categories: Animals | California | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Insults | On the phone | Posted 2010-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't Tennessee Enough?
American girl: I get really emotional when I'm in church. I feel like I don't deserve to be there.
Brazilian girl: That's because you deserve to be in prison.
Nashville, Tennessee
For Example, Say This Beaker Is My Vagina
Lab TA, chatting during break: So I live alone, and I have a lot of trouble opening bottles. Have you guys ever heard of the plastic husband?
(entire class laughs)
Lab TA: No! I didn't mean it like that! I just meant I need help opening things up!
(class laughs again)
University of Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Pennsylvania | Sex | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Isn't How "20 Questions" Is Played, Amber.
Girl #1, in stall: Have you ever had sex?
Girl #2: No.
Girl #1: Oh. Does your classroom smell?
Delaware County Community College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, No-- I'm Not Falling for This for the Fifth Time
Guy to girl: This is gonna sound weird, but spread your legs!
Las Vegas, Nevada
Categories: Guys | Nevada | Offers and requests | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's the High Notes That Hurt Your Ears
Overweight middle-aged woman, about infant crying non-stop: Oh my god, seriously, somebody just kill it.
Target
Norman, Oklahoma
If an American Had Written Lolita
Bro #1: Dude, the best deep throat I ever got.
Bro #2: Yeah, dude, does her mom mind?
Bro #1: Yeah, but just cause she's 14, though. Whatever. I'll just find me a better bitch.
San Diego, California
Categories: BJs | California | Guys | Insults | Posted 2010-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Glad You Recognize It As an Inevitability
Wife: Would you still love me if I peed my pants?
Husband: Yep.
Wife: Would you still love me if I shit my pants?
Husband: We'll cross that bridge when we get there.
Nashville, Tennessee
Including Her Back?
Guy: How many nipples does Julie have, again?
Ottawa
Canadia
Overheard by: hopefully not enough to breastfeed quintuplets
Boobs Are Pretty Much in the Public Domain, Anyway
Guy #1: I really don't think it's that bad. I dunno why he's so mad. I mean, all she did was show her boobs to some cameraman for some money. It's not like she did anything wrong, right?
Guy #2: What if it was your girlfriend on Girls Gone Wild? How would you feel?
Guy #1: I dunno... Glad I get to see them for free?
Irvine, California
Overheard by: cheekzz
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Guys | Rack | Relationships | TV shows | Posted 2010-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You May Be Overqualified, Sir
Leather-clad 30-something man applying for job at sandwich shop: I'm not only a musician, I'm also a martial artist!
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Categories: Bragging | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Michigan | Posted 2010-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Medical Marijuana
16-year-old girl #1: What's Zionism?
16-year-old girl #2: The belief that Jewish people should be able to have a homeland in Israel, I think.
16-year-old girl #1: So it's like a religion?
16-year-old girl #2: No, it's a political movement.
16-year-old girl #1: Wait, so it's a religion?
Sacramento, California
And, More Importantly, What Is Up with the Name "Dallin"?
Drama teacher to students: Okay, I want you all to close your eyes and imagine the most painful thing you can think of. Okay?
(a few moments pass)
Drama teacher: Okay, who wants to share? Dallin, how about you?
Dallin: Umm... Well, I imagined giving birth to a cactus baby.
Girl next to him: What is with you and cactus babies?
High School
Utah
Overheard by: Weskimo
Sentence Fragments Baaaad!
Professor: I want to please you... Not with goats, but with sentences.
Greek Class
UCLA, California
Overheard by: shepherd
Categories: Animals | California | Class | Colleges & Universities | Education | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Isn't This Fun?
Little girl, excitedly building snowman: Mommy, look, look! This could be his hat!
Mother: No, Shelly.
Little girl, dejectedly: But mommy...
Mother, exasperated: No! It's not even proportionate to the snowman!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Only in Boston...
Juliette Lewis Has Made a Career Of It
Girl in track pants: No! People don't look at me and think "oh, that bitch went to the gym." No, they look at me and think "oh, that bitch is nasty!"
UC
Santa Cruz, California
Categories: Beauty | California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Gripes | Posted 2010-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Still *Adored* Gone with the Wind.
Naked dude #1: I'm really surprised by how long it is.
Naked dude #2: Yeah... It's quite long.
Locker Room
Kansas City, Missouri
How Come You Never Let Me Use That Excuse?
Teenage kid: Awww! Mum, not those, why did you have to throw them out?
Mother: I don't know. Sometimes my hands just do things...
Sydney
Australia
Says All My Bad Decisions Cost Her Money
Drunk girl, burying head into boyfriend's arm: I'm upset with my mother. She expects me to take care of me.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Fallon
Categories: Drunks | Family ties | Feelings | Washington, DC | Posted 2010-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Well, Not Human Bodies.
Coworker #1: So, did you ever figure out what was biting you?
Coworker #2: Yeah, the clinic said it was bedbugs. And I'm like, "Bedbugs?!" It's not like I have dead bodies layin' around, or anything.
Casino
Biloxi, Mississippi
Overheard by: so, where are they?
Categories: Animals | Coworkers | Health & Hygiene | Mississippi | Stupidity | Posted 2010-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Why Is the Horn Down Your Pants?
Bus driver: So, I heard the last 9 bus was full and a lot of you had to wait for this one. If you're angry about it, you can honk this bus' horn. Really. I don't want you leaving here mad at Bloomington transit.
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: Honked the Horn
Categories: Bus drivers | Indiana | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Posted 2010-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With the Paper Bag on His Head?
Girl to friend: What if I am pregnant? How will I know who the father is? Well, if it comes out half Asian it's Jason's. If it comes out a midget it's Thomas's, and if it comes out blurry, it's the unnamed guy.
Escondido, California
Overheard by: Brit-ta-nee
It's Not Their Worlds I Want to Enter
Girl: So I think he's taken our relationship a step further.
Gay friend: Oh! What, did he ask you out?
Girl: No.
Gay friend: Did he finally tell you he likes you?
Girl: No! Nothing like that.
Gay friend: Then what?
Girl: He started talking to me exclusively in D&D jargon!
Gay friend: See, this is why we have different tastes in men.
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Doesn't play D&D
Categories: Compare and contrast | Fag hags | Games | Queers | Relationships | Vermont | Words | Posted 2010-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Weirdest Episode Of Sesame Street *Ever*
30-something black man on cell: I don't know if I'll finish in time, but I think I can still make it work.
20-something black guy walking past: It's "ain't". As in "I ain't gonna get this shit done, so fuck all y'all!" Damn! You talkin' like a fool, brotha. (shakes head)
Savannah, Georgia
Categories: Black people | Education | Georgia | On the phone | Race | Words | Posted 2010-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Have You Learned So Little from The Sweetest Thing?
Teen girl in bathroom #1: I'd hate to be a guy and have to use a urinal.
Teen girl in bathroom #2: Oh yeah, that thing looks unsanitary.
Teen girl in bathroom #1: Not even that, but like if you had to go poop then everyone would know it.
Teen girl in bathroom #3: You can't poop in a urinal?
High School
Coral Springs, Florida
Categories: Compare and contrast | Florida | Gender issues | Pee | Poop | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2010-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Psh, Paula Abdul's Been Trying to Get Away with That Excuse for Years
Security guy: You fell down the stairs.
Girl, trying to convince him that she's sober: Okay, have a gander at these heels.
Security guy: You were also making out with a man on the couch.
Girl: I'm promiscuous!? All your evidence is circumstantial! See, I'm using words like "promiscuous" and "circumstantial." Have you ever met a drunk person who uses such vocabulary?
Security guy: You exhibit all the signs of intoxication, you are underage, we must ask you to leave.
Girl: For the last time, I'm not drunk! This is just my personality!
Beta Nightclub
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Character | Colorado | Cops | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Sexuality | Words | Posted 2010-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Peristalsis? Beyonce? Linoleum?
Teacher: Okay. Quick review: which Greek gods did we cover on Friday?
Student, seriously: Hermaphrodite? Herpes? Asbestos?
High School
Michigan
Or All the Dogs You've Ever Owned
Girl #1: So my two-year-old cousin... You know, the one who laughs at me, and threw his bottle and his book at me?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: Well, this one time he like pushed me down on the floor, and like... licked my face.
Girl #2: Wow! Your two-year-old cousin is like a combination of all the boys you've met here.
London
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Girls | Kids | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Clear High Heels
College girl #1: I washed this shirt and it got, like, bigger!
College girl #2: Well, at least you can wear it with tights now.
College girl #1: I know, but I don't want to look like a slut.
College girl #2: I feel like I look less slutty when I wear my sunglasses.
Boulder, Colorado
I'm Thinking About Adding a Wallet but I Fear That Might Be Too Frivolous
Lady #1: I usually keep the essentials in my purse.
Lady #2: Well... I keep a toothbrush, vibrator, and pepper spray in mine.
Pennsylvania
Categories: Gender issues | Pennsylvania | Toys | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2010-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Really Into Suffering, Are They?
Older lady, to friend: If your husband dies they'll find you a new one, the Jewish people.
Kansas
Categories: Death & dying | Family ties | Kansas | Religion | Women | Posted 2010-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just the Whites-- She's on a Diet
Bar patron to another: And then we cracked eggs into her vagina.
Blue Moon Tavern
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Baristas | Bars & Clubs | Food | Vagina | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Haven't Been Mowed in Quite Some Time
Gay son: I need a sugar daddy.
Mother: You and me both.
Gay son: But I have a booty.
Mother, after long pause, and looking out the window: I have weeds where I once had grass...
Murrieta, California
Overheard by: I hope I don't become my mother
Categories: Ass | California | Compare and contrast | Moms | Money | Queers | Sex | Posted 2010-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gays Have to Speak in Code in Utah
Man #1: I hate football.
Man #2: Me too.
Man #1: If my son ever wants to play football, I'll disown him.
Man #2: Me too.
(long pause)
Man #2: My dad loves football.
Man #1: Mine too.
Gold's Gym
Orem, Utah
Overheard by: Weskimo
Categories: Family ties | Gripes | Guys | Utah | Posted 2010-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Husband's Chickening Out
Woman to clerk: My turkeys are ruining my marriage!
California
Categories: Animals | California | Relationships | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2010-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Leave Show Business?
Girl: My stomach hurts...
Guy: Maybe you should stop having so much butt sex.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Advice | Backdoor | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Stomach | Posted 2010-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Apparently Ending Sentences with Prepositions Is Not on That List.
Amnesty International worker: Do you guys have a minute to help end violence against women?
Dude #1: I'm Cambridge's one registered Republican. Do you have a minute to talk about the things I don't have a minute for?
Dude #2: Burn!
Harvard Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Assholes | Comebacks | Guys | Massachusetts | Time Management | Posted 2010-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Read Your Bible
Drama teacher to girls playing whores in Les Misérables: Come on ladies, skank it up! There's no shame in being a whore!
High School
Utah
Overheard by: Weskimo
Categories: Pride | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Teachers | Utah | Posted 2010-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Police Will Ask Questions You Don't Want to Answer
Mother to daughter: Just remember, honey, next time you borrow my dildo, don't get blood on it.
Leeds
England
Categories: England | Family ties | Masturbation | Moms | Parenting | Toys | Posted 2010-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good to See Michigan Living Up to Its Reputation
Dorm guy: I said "thanks for the help," but I should have said, "thanks for the help, asshole, I hope they send you back to China."
Michigan State University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Guys | Insults | Michigan | Race | Posted 2010-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Can't Do the Mental Gymnastics Necessary for This One
Woman #1: If I were obsessive compulsive like Monk, I'd pick a cleaner city than San Francisco to live in.
Woman #2: That's why they film it in Canada.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Eric
Categories: California | Cleanliness | Geography | TV shows | Women | Posted 2010-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sounds Almost As Cool As Our Job.
Woman on cell: I'm coming to LA to make 100 Egyptian army uniforms, then I'm going back.
International Airport
El Paso, Texas
Overheard by: V
Categories: Airports & flights | Clothes | Jobs & Careers | On the phone | Texas | US Geography | Women | Posted 2010-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Deejays Moonlight
Big black woman acting as bathroom attendant: Welcome, beautiful ladies, to the best urination station in the nation! A big pee at the Big E! Stall 5 is open! Okay, we've got a full house, so I wanna hear some flushin'! Ma'am, go to numba 2, let it flow through! Pee as comfortably as you can, cause we all know this place was built by a man! The stalls are too small, haha!
Bathroom, Big E Fairgrounds
Springfield, Massachusetts
Categories: Black people | Gender issues | Massachusetts | Pee | Restroom | Posted 2010-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not to Mention the Right to Bear Claws
Dumb blonde: Our Bill of Rights is so cool... Everyone must own a cat. And the Lion King.
San Diego, California
We Can Think Of a Few Places
Fabulous shopping man to another: That's the thing about happiness! Even if I had some, I wouldn't know where to put it!
Boston, Masscahusetts
Overheard by: surprisingly happy
Categories: Guys | Happiness | Massachusetts | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Your Electricity Bill, Erica.
Woman on cell: So what should I do? Tap dance all over it?
Skipton
England
Overheard by: Fredwina
Categories: Dancing | England | On the phone | Questions | Women | Posted 2010-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Enthusiasm Is Contagious
Strangely cheerful 30-something: I'm not shaking hands, or hugging, or anything anymore! I'm infected!
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Isn't infected
Categories: Canadia | Health & Hygiene | Strangers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'd Think They Could Be Programmed Not to Splatter the Seat
Student emerging from bathroom to self: I hate those frickin' androids...
Brookdale Community College
New Jersey
Overheard by: Whiskeysaurus
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gripes | Guys | Insults | New Jersey | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Like They Taught Us at Harvard Business School
Middle-aged woman on cell: Unless he doubles my salary, I'm not sleeping with him.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Jobs & Careers | Money | On the phone | Sex | Women | Posted 2010-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Easy Feat, Considering It Was Sauce from a Domino's Pizza.
Dude on cell, excitedly: Yeah, dude. Everything. We even learned how to make food out of pizza sauce!
University of Memphis
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: Miss Behaved
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Food | Guys | Tennessee | Posted 2010-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Didn't Spend 7 Years in Evil Medical School Just to Lose My Midget
Drunk gay guy: Where's my midget? I went upstairs and now I'm down here. Where's my midget? (checks under his shoes)
Feathers, New Jersey
Overheard by: K
Categories: Drunks | Magic | New Jersey | Queers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Our Troubles Are Skin Cancer, Amber.
College girl: Screw it. Let's go soak away our troubles with UV radiation!
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Kailee
Categories: Florida | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Stupidity | Posted 2010-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About American Politics But Were Afraid to Ask
Guy #1: So I signed up for the Republican Club.
Guy #2: But you're not Republican, are you?
Guy #1: No, but this guy was wearing a shirt I really liked. I just want the shirt.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Clothing | Guys | Overheard at McGill | Politics | Stupidity | Posted 2010-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Even Drag Queen Bingo?
Religion professor: Contrary to popular belief, bingo is not a sacrament!
North Central Michigan College
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Games | Michigan | Religion | Teachers | Posted 2010-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whether Real or Imaginary
Professor: It's like trying to make a deity out of a bottle of Stoli at the height of the cold war.
Class: (laughter)
Professor: I know plenty of people who've done that, by the way... And so do you.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | History | Minnesota | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Still Adore Rosie Perez
College guy: You know when you throw the egg at the pink dinosaur? You know that sound? That's what her accent sounds like.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Guys | Minnesota | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
America, Encapsulated
Woman #1: I love TGI Friday's, but if I could pick any local place to go for dinner tonight, I would pick Olive Garden.
Woman #2: Oooh, good pick! What about Macaroni Grill?
Woman #1: I love Macaroni Grill! But isn't it a little fancy for tonight?
Woman #2: No, we can go change.
Woman #1: Are you sure you're okay with driving in this city?
Woman #2: Sure, it is okay.
Woman #1: Maybe we should pray before we leave... you know, just in case.
Woman #2: Great idea.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Jon
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Fears | Religion | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2010-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"History in a Nutshell" Was the Most Popular Course at York
Guy: Cause, like, Stalin was a pretty crazy dude, right?
York University
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Just don't call me dude
What? You've Never Heard Of Rounding?
Young teenage girl to friend: $3.25 for a Rockstar? That's like, wait... (pauses for a few seconds) That's like five dollars.
Tacoma Mall
Washington
Overheard by: Not impressed by the math skills of today's youth.
Categories: Money | Shopping | Stupidity | Teens | Washington | Posted 2010-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Casting Agents Get More Like Pimps Every Day
Girl on cell: Look, fine, then if you don't want Lucy Liu I'll hook you up with her sister. Then you can have two for one!
Film Class
Queen's University
Canadia
Overheard by: Umm can I get in on that?
Categories: About celebrities | Canadia | Class | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Offers and requests | On the phone | Posted 2010-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Their Evil Is More Insidious
Kid, watching glockenspiel chime: Look mommy, a witch!
Mommy: No honey, that's a nun.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: natalie
Categories: Compare and contrast | Kids | Magic | Moms | Overheard in PDX | Parenting | Religion | Posted 2010-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thank Goodness I Got the Rollover Slut Plan
College girl on cell: So, it's all good? Cause I'm just re-using the same guys over and over! My number doesn't go up!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: just eating my pizza
Categories: Bimbettes | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Sex | Posted 2010-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Bad Enough the Devil's After Me for That French Manicure
Impassioned college girl: When will the gods stop punishing me for cutting my own bangs?!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: this too shall pass?
Categories: Beauty | Girls | Hair | Overheard in Minneapolis | Religion | Posted 2010-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
People Don't Know That Binky's Your Vagina
Mother: So, since I've drugged Binky this week, she hasn't made a single sound.
Daughter: This conversation doesn't sound suspicious at all.
Coles
Australia
NewsFlash: Hippie Child Lives in Oregon. Film at 11.
Preschool teacher, helping girl go pee: Did you forget your underwear this morning?
Preschool girl: No, I go commando all the time!
Preschool in Oregon
Overheard by: Non-c
So We Chased Her Out Of Town with Torches
Woman to another: She washes her pickles in a dishwasher.
Cub Foods
Minneapolis, Minneapolis
God Bless Chicago.
Train conductor: For those of you who had too much to drink, could you please wake up long enough to present your ticket?
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Conductors | Drinking & drunks | Illinois | Offers and requests | Posted 2010-03-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't That an Old Irish Drinking Song?
Neal Patrick Harris lookalike: Okay, okay: no pickle dicks on Molly!
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Categories: Guys | New Mexico | Penis | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Almost Finished Whittling My Wooden Shoes!
Guy to friend: So, this weekend I was going to go down to Chicago to riot, beat people up, and break shit, but I realized I would have missed my dutch class on Monday, so I thought it would be a bad idea.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: shiggity shaft
Categories: Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Time Management | Violence | Posted 2010-03-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Also Would Have Accepted "Cuban"
Teen girl: What that thing that Frank Sinatra was? It starts with a "k"?
Teen friend: A "crooner"?
Girl: Yeah, that's it. A crooner.
Starbucks
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: About celebrities | Canadia | Restaurants | Stupidity | Teens | Words | Posted 2010-03-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Ain't That a Bitch?
Professor, sighing: Every computer program has its glitches. This one certainly has a glitch, and the glitch is me.
Maine College of Art
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Misaki
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Maine | Teachers | Technology | Posted 2010-03-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless I'm Just Having a Really Awesome Stroke
Girl to male cat: You're so cute! You smell like bacon... but that's okay.
Lewisville, Texas
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Food | Girls | Sensory experiences | Texas | Posted 2010-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Future, Could You Get My Order Right?
Man at bar: Except it wasn't gin and tonic, it was gin and sex.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sex | Posted 2010-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Sure Those Of You in Sororities Know Exactly What I'm Talking About
Professor: In the work-a-day world we work a lot through our mouth.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Categories: Education | Jobs & Careers | Michigan | Mouth | Teachers | Posted 2010-03-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For One Thing, They Haven't Been Bred Into Stupidity
Boy to girl: Do you think a zebra feels like a horse?
Girl to boy, after brief pause: I don't think they really feel like they are horses, I think they know they are different.
Zoo
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Or Did She Just Leave DNA in Her Victims' Fingernails?
Girl #1: I mean, her nickname in high school was "the scraper."
Girl #2: Is that a bad abortion joke?
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Confused
Building the Giant Freeze-Ray Will Probably Take Most Of the Morning
20-something man: Oh, man, we've got a really full day tomorrow. We have to freeze all that tomato sauce we made.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Jon
Categories: Food | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Time Management | Posted 2010-03-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Had a Rockin' Sweet 16
Male ethics professor: I was generally seen as a spoiled little bitch.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Categories: Memory lane | Michigan | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kids Always Get Payback When You Take Them Shopping
Mom to young son: There's a doggie! Do you know what sound a doggie makes?
Son: Mooo.
Mom, distracted by shiny things: Uh-huh. (pause) Hey! Dogs don't say "moo"!
Target
Leominster, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Manda
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Parenting | Posted 2010-03-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No, Sweetie, That's "I Can't Believe It's Not David!"
Four-year-old girl, pointing to reproduction of David statue: Is that statue made out of butter?
Small Town
Pennsylvania
Categories: Food | Kids | Kids | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2010-03-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Back Up-- What Does "She Gave Me Her Brush" Mean?
Six-year-old boy: I French-kissed my girlfriend today!
17-year-old girl: What? French kissed? You're six!
Six-year-old boy: I still did it. She gave me her brush!
17-year-old girl: You're six! You shouldn't know what French kissing is!
Six-year-old boy: I watch Family Guy.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Mia
Categories: Girls | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Kids | Kids | Pennsylvania | TV shows | Posted 2010-03-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Black Widow Spiders Chat
College dude: I'd totally fuck her bottom half... and I'd just chomp off her top half.
San Jose, California
Overheard by: Skye
Categories: Body parts | California | Guys | Sex | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...After Faking Your Orgasm
Guy with cigarette: I have to go home to my girlfriend.
Friend: Just fuck her for ten minutes and then meet me in the bar.
Munich
Germany
Overheard by: How romantic...
Categories: Germany | Guys | Sex | Time Management | Posted 2010-03-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So "Lehman" Is Out?
Big-haired mother to friends: I like what Sarah Palin did with her kids' names. I mean, I want to give my kids names that are cool, but nothing that would, you know, prevent them from being business majors.
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: An East Coast Elitist
Categories: Compare and contrast | Moms | Politics | Stupidity | Texas | Posted 2010-03-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, And, "Do You Take Credit?"
Little old woman to cashier scanning groceries: You're so good and fast! I bet the boys tell you that all the time.
Yarmouth, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Categories: Compliments | Maine | Old folks | Sex | Posted 2010-03-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...To Cut Coke with
Girl #1: So I unplugged the phone before I left, so the school can't call my mom to say I'm not at school.
Girl #2: Oh, that's pretty smart.
Girl #1: I also took my dad's credit card.
Train
Chicago, Illinois
By Marriage, but Still
60-something man: I don't want to be with my first wife for an eternity! She is Satan's sister.
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Fluffy
Categories: Arizona | Evil | Feelings | Old folks | Relationships | Posted 2010-03-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...According to Perez.
Small child to father: You're a sad puppy that burps. You're a stinky puppy that's sad... and burps.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: elizabeth
Categories: Animals | Burping & farting | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Overheard in PDX | Should have used a condom | Posted 2010-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Would You Like to Go Out With Us This Friday?
Freshman boy trying to flirt with girl: I'm from Boston and he's from Boston and he's Chinese and he likes Bruce Lee, naked, naked, naked. (pokes Chinese friend)
University Library
Binghamton, New York
Overheard by: Brianna
Categories: About celebrities | Colleges & Universities | New York | Preppies | Sexuality | Posted 2010-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Finally, a Version Of "You're Having My Baby" Your Editors Like
Nasty smoking girl on cell: So did your girlfriend cry when she found out that I'm having your baby? (pause) Haha, that is so funny, I so thought she would!
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: hayley
Categories: Australia | Infidelity | On the phone | Pregnancy | Posted 2010-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Not That Kind Of Lawyer
30-something man to 30-something woman: So, have you ever tried milk of magnesia?
Newark, New Jersey
Overheard by: why_would_u_ask_that
Categories: Guys | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Some Mothers Get Left at Wal-Mart
Daughter: I hate it when things don't have a price on them.
Mother: Oh, how much is it?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: another tired mother
Categories: Gripes | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Shopping | Stupidity | Posted 2010-03-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which, Ironically, Would Be a Good Title for a Country Song
Black girl to white friends: Black people want to be country, but we don't want to listen to the music.
Harvard Yard
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: meems
Categories: Black people | Colleges & Universities | Massachusetts | Music | Race | Posted 2010-03-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a One-Dish Meal!
Little boy, watching killer whale: It's a cow made of fish!
Marineland
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Animals | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Kids | Posted 2010-03-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jesuits: Eeexcellent...!
Girl to another: She pulls the virgin card all the time, but she's such a slut.
North Dakota State University
Overheard by: Chelsea
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Gossip | Sexuality | Virginity | Posted 2010-03-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When the Need to Be Offensive Overcomes the Need to Get Laid
Short boy, yelling inches away from short girl's face: We should hang out!
Short girl: (walks away silently)
Tall boy, laughing: Dude!
High School
Eugene, Oregon
Categories: Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Oregon | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Suing for Breach Of the Social Contract
Smelly drunk in silent library room: You don't work for me? Man, no one knows that they work for me!
Public Library
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Drunks | Gripes | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2010-03-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She May Have Put Her Pie on Your Pie
Roommate #1 looking at crater-filled pie in freezer: Dude, what did you do to this pie?
Roommate #2: Me and Erin* kinda went at it...
Roommate #3: Oh, yeah? What else did you guys do?
Roommate #2: ...with a spoon.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: Food | Guys | New Jersey | Sex | Posted 2010-03-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Drugs? It's Drugs, Right?
Dumb brunette #1: Well, he likes Sarah and Matt...
Dumb brunette #2: They don't count, everyone likes them!
Dumb brunette #1: Well, my boyfriend doesn't like any of my friends, then. I don't really like any of my friends.
Smart, older blonde walking by: Well, dear, there's a simple solution to that.
Dumb brunette #1: Oh? What is it?
University Library, Kent State
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Ohio | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2010-03-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
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