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January 2010 Archives
Yay! I've Been Trying to Outdo Myself for Weeks!
Student: How do you spell "wear"? W-e-a-r? (pause) That is the stupidest thing I've ever said.
San Diego, California
Now If Only She Could Find the U.S. on a Map
Old man, about Jessica Simpson "how I found love again" mag cover: She can't find someone to lighten her roots, but she found love. Thank god.
Mamaroneck, New York
Overheard by: Melissa
Categories: About celebrities | Beauty | Feelings | New York | Old folks | Posted 2010-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'll Hear a Lot Of Myths About Safe Sex in College
Guy to girl: I just had this overwhelming urge to drink vinegar, and it worked!
University of New Orleans
Louisiana
What All Guys Hope and All Girls Fear
Teen to friend: My pants are tight in the crotch, I think I am getting bigger in that region.
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: el.
Why the Gays Should Run the World
Delightfully gay and snarky flight attendant: Now, ladies, I am impressed with your Louis Vuitton and your coach. I adore your Prada and your Gucci. They are beautiful. But I will be more impressed with all of your bags if you stow them under the seat while we are landing. Now sit back and shut up.
(five minutes later, while plane is taxiing)
Delightfully gay and snarky flight attendant: We are finally here. So please, exit the plane a lot quicker than you boarded it. (plane stops, parks at gate) Get out.
Midway Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Airports & flights | Compliments | Fashion | Flight attendants | Grumpies | Illinois | Offers and requests | Queers | Posted 2010-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Did I Say When You Asked That About Carrots?
Girl on cell: Are avocados vegetarian?
Saskatoon
Saskatchewan
Canadia
Let's Just Hope the Casting Agents at Lifetime Agree!
Guy wearing shirt reading "Dude. Seriously. Fuck you": Some say I have a face for date rape.
State Fair
California
Overheard by: Sonni
And Snooki Doesn't Care Who Knows It
Guy: You have a hole in your pants.
Girl: I know.
Guy, after pause: Nice underwear.
Girl's boyfriend: Yeah, she always has nice underwear...
New Jersey
Categories: Bragging | Hubbies | New Jersey | Undies | Posted 2010-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Killing Time Before the Dance Party in the Romance Languages Section
Brunette: So, are you gonna get some studying done?
Blonde: No, not really...
Brunette: So, you're here just to kill time?
Blonde: Yeah, to play.
Baillieu Library
University of Melbourne
Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Education | Girls | Time Management | Posted 2010-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least Call It the "Cocktagon," Dude.
Tipsy guy to friend: Of course I have a nickname for my penis. I call it "the octagon."
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Sick Fatty
Preferably in the Drawing Room With a Candlestick
Young woman shouting to older gentleman: Why can't Dr Molar do his own wife?
Olive Garden
Indianapolis, Indiana
Categories: Family ties | Guys | Indiana | Questions | Restaurants | Sex | Women | Posted 2010-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Squidward Moved to Utah for Religious Reasons
Girl to guy wearing alien-hand gloves: What the hell are those?
Guy: They're my testicles... No! My... My... Test--test... The things that octopuses have!
Girl: Tentacles?
Guy: Yes! Tentacles...
High School
Utah
Overheard by: Weskimo
But That Still Doesn't Excuse All the Stains.
Girl on porch: That's the kind of car you lose your virginity in!
Burlington, Vermont
Larry Is a Girl?
College student #1: Larry's rug is a trap!
College student #2: Her rug has a penis?
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Larissa
Wouldn't Going Potty First Be Most Important?
Mother in bathroom stall to small child: We can go soon, but first mommy has to go potty, then put her pants back on. Put her pants back on... That's the most important thing.
Puyallup, Washington
Overheard by: in the next stall...
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Pee | Undies | Washington | Posted 2010-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
College Exists to Prolong Adolescence
Female Brown student #1: That lab class is so stupid.
Female Brown student #2: Yeah. Harry Potter had the best labs.
Female Brown student #1, sighing: I wish this was Hogwarts.
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Sadie
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Pop culture | Rhode Island | Students | Posted 2010-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's a Clitoris?
Woman #1: Have you ever looked at your hymen?
Woman #2: No, and neither have you, because you're no longer a virgin.
Woman #1: Yes, I have! It's that little flap of skin at the top.
Woman #2: That's your clitoris, and you're an idiot.
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
Jo Introduces Herself to Blair for the First Time
College student to roommate: My family heirloom is a neon beer light. And a coffee mug.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Larissa
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Food | Oregon | Students | Posted 2010-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We'd Be Doing Bad Things, Too, If We Didn't Have Our Own Continent
Girl, seeing Palestine poster: Who do you go for?
Guy: What?
Girl: You know, between Israel and um, Pakistan.
Guy: You mean Palestine?
Girl: Whatever. Which one is doing the bad stuff?
Guy: They both are...
Girl: Yeah, I can never decide.
Sydney University
Australia
Overheard by: Don't hurt yourself, honey.
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | Politics | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Men's Intuition
Guy: That dude's gonna get a blowjob in 20 minutes.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: BJs | Guys | Pennsylvania | Time Management | Posted 2010-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just When You Thought Human Sexuality Was Complicated Enough, Cloning Arrived.
Girl in debate to two guys at her table: But that doesn't make it gay. You're still having heterosexual sex, but you're just doing it next to yourself.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: true
Categories: Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2010-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I Was Thinking Of a Nice Outing to Pottery Barn.
Girl: Booze!
Masculine gay dude: Fuck, yeah. I just finally finished my antibiotics. I'm gonna go fall off a stripper stage into some tits or somethin'.
Straight friend: Uhhh.
Bangkok
Thailand
"Thou Shalt Not Gelati," It Says
Wife in line at water ice stand: I want a gelati!
Husband: They don't have any gelati. What do you want?
Wife: I want a gelati!
Husband: But they don't have any gelati!
Wife, pointing to menu, where it says gelati: What's this?
Husband: Rules.
Ambler, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Gracie
Categories: Couples | Food | Pennsylvania | Shopping | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Men Die Before Women: Explained
Angry boyfriend: I'm not off gallivanting around town!
Girlfriend: (indistinct mumbles)
Angry boyfriend: I don't hang out with anyone!
Girlfriend: (more mumbles)
Angry boyfriend: I'll just lie to you from now on.
Kent, Ohio
Hazelnut Columbian Slave Children Are the Best
Flippy haired kid: Dude, how can you drink coffee? You might as well be like, drinking the tears of Colombian slave children!
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Food | Kids | Kids | Posted 2010-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Just Want to Graduate, I Don't Want to Know Anything
Undergrad on cell: And the paper has to be, like, 10 to 12 pages long! (pause) I know! I'm like, "I'm not writing my freaking thesis here!"
Bus
Minneapolis, Minnesota
A Window Into Their Relationship
Loud girl to boy: Sorry, I didn't listen... You know, I just stared out of the window and for a second thought, "wait a minute, I know that person"--only to realize it was my reflection! Does that happen to you sometimes?
Hamburg
Germany
Overheard by: Staring at my own reflection in disbelief
Categories: Compare and contrast | Germany | Girls | Guys | Questions | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In That It's Entirely Made Up
Guy #1: My boss, who's a Shaolin monk, told me if I saved his school, he'd pay off my loans. He was like "I pay off 1.5 million dollar debt!" and then, for a while, I was dealing with the Russian mafia, so I've been pretty busy.
Guy #2: Man... Your life is like a movie. It's like Karate Kid 15 or something.
Tulane University
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: iwouldtotallywatchthatmovie
Categories: Buddhism | Colleges & Universities | Crimes | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Louisiana | Money | Movies | Time Management | Posted 2010-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was Hoping to Avoid the Disney Store
Queer: I told you they wouldn't have nipple stars!
Girl: Why the hell would they not have nipple stars? It's a hot topic, they should have nipple stars!
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Shopper
...So I'm Afraid I'll Have to Decline Your Offer.
Macy's sales clerk: Now this cologne is $19.99 for the large bottle and comes with the free teddy bear.
Large woman spilling out of leopard-print tube top, sniffing: This is nice... It's real classy smelling.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: I don't discriminate; I hate everybody.
Categories: Customers | Employees | Fat people | Sensory experiences | Shopping | Toys | Virginia | Posted 2010-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Welcome to the Twilight Zone
30-something guy to seven-year-old kid: So even when you get older you will be spending a lot of time in stores waiting for women to shop... It's boring for us, but looking around and not buying anything is somehow fun for them.
Seven-year-old kid: Oh. You aren't American. Where you from?
30-something guy: I'm from Ireland.
Seven-year-old kid: Ireland? What do they speak there?
30-something guy: English.
Seven-year-old kid: You speak English?
30-something guy: Well, we're speaking English now.
Seven-year-old kid, incredulously: We are?
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Jack
Categories: Foreigners | Gender issues | Kids | Kids | New York | Questions | Shopping | Posted 2010-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Soap Opera, in a Nutshell.
Guy #1: Hey man, how've you been?
Guy #2: Aren't you supposed to be dead?
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Death & dying | Guys | Illinois | Memory lane | Questions | Posted 2010-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yet I Notice You're Not Moving.
Asian girl in bright coat: Oh my fucking god, I think I just lost my virginity.
Blonde girl: Wait, how does that even work?
Asian girl in bright coat: The end of the teeter-totter seat is like totally up my ass, and it's like penetrating.
Blonde girl: Oh.
Calgary
Canadia
Overheard by: Shawn
Axe Finally Made a Body Spray Women Like
Girl: What smells like lemon poppy seed cupcakes?
Guy: It might be my penis.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: Food | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Penis | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2010-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Crap You Write Proves You Don't Listen to Me
Professor: My job is pretty sweet. All I have to do is show up and talk about something I'm interested in. How sweet is that? It would be even better if I didn't hate all of you.
Columbia College
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Feelings | Gripes | Grumpies | Illinois | Jobs & Careers | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: Drunkventures in Babysitting
Young mother on phone: Well, tell him if he's going to stay home and get drunk by himself then he can babysit for me.
Wisconsin
Overheard by: smirkburglar
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | On the phone | Parenting | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Our Sex Life Is Gaggleicious
19-year-old girlfriend: You're a silly goose!
19-year-old boyfriend: You are too!
19-year-old girlfriend: That's why we are dating!
Memphis, Tennessee
It'll Go Great with Your Whine
Mother to toddler son, looking at cheese display: Look, charlie, Gruyere! Can you say "Gruyere"?
Whole Foods
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: GruyereLover
Unless It Was in Vegas, in Which Case It Stays There.
Defense lawyer, teaching trial advocacy: But remember that in real life, nobody charged with marijuana possession is actually going to go to trial.
Law student: Last summer when I was working at the legal clinic I had a client who was charged with possession go to trial!
Defense lawyer: What? In fifteen years of practice, I've never seen it go to trial.
Law student: Yeah, the prosecutor was being a dick about it too--he wanted jail time.
Defense lawyer: Who was the prosecutor? Tell me his name, I'll tell you if I ever got high with him.
Law School
Canadia
Overheard by: Law student
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Crimes | Drugs | Memory lane | Names | Stoners | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Didn't Expect the Irish to Be Such Pussies
Coworker: Where were you? You were meant to be in work at 7!
Drunk Slovakian guy arriving at work: I drank Jack Daniels until 5 this morning, then went to bed. I woke at nine and fucked Jane, then got my brother to drop me off at work.
Craigavon
Northern Ireland
Categories: Coworkers | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Family ties | Foreigners | Ireland | Questions | Sex | Posted 2010-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Always Thought a Zeppoli Was That Big Machine on Ice Rinks
Guy: Yeah, this woman over at the Sun-Times building used to make this focaccia bread for us, it was great. But she was Italian-American though, she didn't know, she didn't even know what a cannoli was!
Friend: What!?
Guy: Yeah! And, like, zeppoli, she didn't know what a zeppoli was either! And those are like the two big things, y'know?
Friend: Oh, man!
Guy: That's what happens! That's what happens when you mix up the blood!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: SOB: Stale Off the Boat
It's Easy to Predict Which Kids Will Suffer Most in School
Four-year-old girl on push scooter, to mum: The steering is counter-intuitive!
Oxfordshire
England
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | England | Kids | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Might As Well Face It, You're Addicted to Lumps
Very pregnant woman surrounded by misbehaving children: Pregnancy is just such a gift. I mean, I feel so blessed. Like, this is what my body was made for, you know? I just feel so much more complete when I'm pregnant. Knowing that I'm growing this life...
Young woman behind her in line, interrupting: Madam? You are a walking advertisement for mandatory birth control.
Starbucks
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: The guy applauding her
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Happiness | Kids | Preggers | Pregnancy | Pride | Washington | Posted 2010-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whereas Canadia Only Feels Like It.
Strange girl: I'm so happy I live in Canada. If I lived anywhere else, I'd probably be in jail.
Norman Wells
Canadia
Overheard by: Tobac
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Girls | Happiness | Posted 2010-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yay! Let's All Join the Army!
Girl #1, loudly in quiet library: And we thought we were going to the lecture on reasons to join the army, but we accidentally went to the wrong lecture theater, and it was a medical lecture on burns patients!
Studying girl: Shhhhh!
Girl #1, loudly: And this med guy who knew we weren't med students goes "This is a good lecture to come to! Lots of gory pictures!" and we were both thinking "Shit! Are these army people going to show us photos of people who have been blown up or something!?"
Studying boy and girl: Shhhhhhhh!
Girl #2: Can't be as bad as that lecture from first year. Remember the photo of the person's head who'd been run over by a train?
Girl #1, even more loudly: Yeah! And they showed us photos of a penis which had been bitten off!
(everyone in library, including studying boy and girl, burst out laughing)
Griffith University Library
Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Education | Penis | Science | Students | Violence | Posted 2010-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Does Martin Short Have to Do with Anything?
Five-year-old boys, in unison, about female lion strutting around: The mamacita is awake! The mamacita is awake!
Harried mother: I said let's not say that word... Let's say "elfman" is awake!"
San Diego Zoo
California
Categories: Animals | California | Kids | Kids | Language barrier | Moms | Parenting | Words | Posted 2010-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Cat Owners Totally Sympathize
Yoga instructor to friend: I've always wanted to throw up on a cat.
Berkeley, California
Categories: Animals | California | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But Before I Start to Spoil
16-year-old girl #1: I wanna wait to have kids, you know? But I don't wanna be old or anything. I think like 19 or somethin.
16-year-old girl #2: Yeah. Oscar wants to knock me up and I'm like "no bitch, I don't even have a license yet." We're thinking after I turn 18.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Insults | Kids | Pregnancy | Relationships | Sex | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need My Face for Other Things
Flamboyant grad student, on ice skating: I went years ago... and fell flat on my face. Then I decided that I was too important for this!
Oxford
England
Categories: Body parts | Bragging | Compare and contrast | England | Leisure | Pride | Students | Posted 2010-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Haven't I?
Guy at door: Have you seen a line of marching band kids?
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: james
When Hillary Clinton Dreams
Man in trench coat to group of students: Follow me, and I'll take you to a magical woman.
Newport
Wales
Overheard by: Can I come?
A Man Needs a Cool Head to Eat at Denny's
Cowboy #1, in cowboy dialect: One thing I can tell you, if one of them bites you on the lip, don't panic. Just wait till it starts to let go and then push it off of you.
Cowboy #2: You know, that's right.
Denny's
Willcox, Arizona
Overheard by: Alan B. Barley
Categories: Advice | Arizona | Body parts | Fears | Rednecks | Restaurants | Violence | Posted 2010-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Few Black Eyes, and They're All, "Wah Wah Wah!"
Female customs and border patrol officer: So I wasn't surprised when he left his wife for his girlfriend, but I was surprised by the domestic battery charge. But... you know how women can be.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Jan
Categories: Cops | Crimes | Eavesdrop DC | Gender issues | Relationships | Violence | Posted 2010-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Try Turning the Paper Right Side Up.
Student, raising hand: I can't read...
Professor: I'm sorry.
San Francisco State University
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: The Only One Laughing?
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | San Francisco | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Care If You Are My Grandma.
Man on cell: What? You calling me fat pussy? I will punch you in the face!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Body parts | Insults | Massachusetts | On the phone | Threats | Posted 2010-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Saving Those for the Yearbook
Ambiguous boy, yelling to friend across hall: And no pictures of me without pants!
High School
Nashville, Tennessee
But That Doesn't Mean I'll Tolerate Flogging and Spanking in My Class
Music teacher: Tenors like to dominate.
School
Western Australia
Australia
Categories: Australia | Jobs & Careers | Music | Roleplay | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Was That the Time I Was Temporarily Decapitated?
40-something suit #1: So you remember when I was dying of melanoma?
40-something suit #2: Is that when you couldn't go on the golf trip with the boss?
40-something suit #1: Yes, that was it!
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: MilwaukeeBabe
Categories: Death & dying | Jobs & Careers | Leisure | Maladies | Suits | Wisconsin | Posted 2010-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The "Hugs, Not Drugs" Campaign Has Had Mixed Results
Huge gangsta boy: Maaaan, gimme a hug!
Preppy white friend: What?! No!
Huge gansta boy: What the fuck, man, just gimme a goddam hug!
High School
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Feelings | Friends | Insults | Offers and requests | Preppies | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Tennessee | Thugs | Whiteys | Posted 2010-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, It's Not Messy-- It's Calligraphy.
Preppy white boy: You're both women, and you're Asian! How can you have messy handwriting??
Professor: Wait, did I really just hear that?
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: The non-asian woman
Categories: Asians | Compare and contrast | Gender issues | Indiana | Preppies | Questions | Race | Stupidity | Teachers | Whiteys | Posted 2010-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I'm Sure He Was Using That Rope As a Clothesline
Psychologist #1: He said he was going to do his laundry, which is a really good sign.
Psychologist #2: Yeah, you can't want to commit suicide and want clean clothes.
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Cleanliness | Clothes | Coworkers | Death & dying | Feelings | Mental illnesses | New York | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...For Being So Gay.
Oversexed frat boy at house party: Yeah! We're gonna shoot 'em with our sperm cannons!
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Katie M
Categories: Bragging | Cum | Frat boy types | Penis | Rhode Island | Stupidity | Violence | Posted 2010-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why the Fairy Always Dies When His Mom Reads Him Peter Pan
Ten-year-old boy: Dad, why are people clapping?
Father: Because the conductor entered the stage. It's respectful.
Ten-year-old boy: I personally don't believe in clapping for someone unless they've done something.
Tanglewood Music Center
Lenox, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Bystander girl
It Happens.
Deli worker : Hey, do you got a pen that works?
Colleague: Nah, I must have dropped mine in the parking lot after I stabbed someone with it.
Long Island, New York
Categories: Coworkers | Crimes | New York | Offers and requests | Violence | Posted 2010-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Explains Our 1980's Haircuts
Sophomore #1: I mean, I don't really keep up with current events that much.
Sophomore #2: You need watch the news. Seriously. It's the twentieth century.
High School
Kentucky
Overheard by: Oh, high school
Categories: Advice | Girls | Kentucky | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Time Management | Posted 2010-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...In My Expert Psychiatric Opinion.
Girl: And it's not like Jeffery Dahmer crazy, it's like Mel Gibson crazy.
Coffee Shop
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Asteria
Categories: About celebrities | Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Girls | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Skinny Jeans Don't Count, Roger.
Guy: Well, it all started during the week that I was cross-dressing...
Leeds
England
Overheard by: Paul
And That's the Last Time We'll Discuss This, Dad.
Sorority girl to another: All I'm saying is that it would be a lot better at home if you used less tongue.
CU
Boulder, Colorado
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Licking | Sorority types | Posted 2010-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or High School Guidance Counselor.
Blonde girl to boyfriend: I think I'd make a good drug addict.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: uhh
Categories: Couples | Drugs | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2010-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do You Want Me to Divorce You, Too?
Very well-behaved boy: Mom, I have been so good lately, can I please get a toy?
Very patient mom: Do you have any money?
Very well-behaved boy: Um... no, but you do. I looked in your wallet this morning.
Very patient mom: That's snooping!
Very well-behaved boy: Well, daddy does it all the time!
Salem, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Jenna
Categories: Family ties | Kids | Moms | Money | New Hampshire | Parenting | Questions | Shopping | Should have used a condom | Toys | Posted 2010-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And If They're Really Yummy, It's "Mmm"
Asian bimbo #1, filling out apartment application: How do you spell "roommate"?
Asian bimbo #2 : Well... If it's just one person, it has one "m". It it's two or more, two "m's"
UC Riverside
California
Overheard by: Sophya
Categories: Asians | Bimbettes | California | Colleges & Universities | Questions | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2010-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Make Us Sleep in Wood-shavings Again
Guy to girlfriend: Next break I'm going to hug you like a retard squeezing a hamster!
Burnaby
Canadia
Overheard by: Doesn't Like Hamsters Anyway
Coupons Are Just What the Government Uses to Distract You from the Aliens
Barista: That will be $9.74, please.
Customer: I have a coupon.
Barista, singing as she rings up new total: Lies, lies, lies.
Harvard Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Trouble
So You're Not Really an Elderly Asian Man?
Girl to friend: Sometimes I lie. (pause) Usually... I'm lying.
Novi, Michigan
...If She Tries to Get Out Of Going to Preschool Again.
Guy on cell, very angrily: Fuck you! (then suddenly calm) Well, that's what I was thinking of saying to her...
Brighton
England
Categories: England | Grumpies | Guys | Insults | On the phone | Relationships | Posted 2010-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Demographic Oprah Couldn't Reach
Delivery guy to guy wearing "Deadheads for Obama" t-shirt: So the Dead are for Obama?
Man: Uh-huh.
Delivery guy: Then so am I.
Burbank, California
Overheard by: Urzzz
Categories: California | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Employees | Music | Politics | Questions | Strangers | Posted 2010-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are the Two Mutually Exclusive?
Fat effeminate thug: Bitch, are you a daddy's gurl o' you jus' anotha gorilla?
North Hollywood
California
Overheard by: busninja
Categories: Animals | California | Compare and contrast | Fat people | Insults | Questions | Thugs | Posted 2010-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Judging from the Residue I Discovered on One Of Your Quizzes
Professor: Here you are, every day, sitting in this little cave which is evolutionary very stupid. You're not reproducing while you are in here. You aren't even trying to... Well, maybe that's not true.
Psychiatric Physiology Class
Pomona, California
Overheard by: Whats He talking about again???
I'll Stick to My Placenta Face-Cream, Thank You Very Much
Male wedding-goer to female wedding-goer: Oh, you guys work here? Excellent! My sister's husband, oh, I mean my brother-in-law, sells semen. Bull semen.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: best pick-up line ever
Categories: Animals | Cum | Family ties | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Strangers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Being the Midwest Corn Princess Is Not Without Its Benefits
Hot brunette to guy friend: I just really want to get it, you know, so I can fuck it in its ear.
Guy: Ugh, me too!
Liberty State Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Bimbettes | Body parts | Friends | Guys | Kink | New Jersey | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Was Also Wrong, But Seemed So Right at the Time
Girl, about test: Um, I got number 34 right and it's marked wrong!
Rest of class: Yeah.
Professor: I know. I already gave you all credit. Just ignore that, it must be some leftover meth use from my college years.
Auburn, Alabama
The New Party Game That's Sweeping Pennsylvania!
Girl to friend: Which would you rather die first, the dog or your dad?
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2010-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everthing I Hated About High School Is Suddenly Flooding Back to Me...
Eccentric driver's ed student: Sometimes I really just like to sniff my pants. (leans forward and sniffs his pants)
Northport, New York
Overheard by: Jessica
Categories: Bus drivers | Clothes | Creepsters | New York | Sensory experiences | Undies | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Also Feel Strangely Ashamed.
Waiter: How were the balls?
Blonde: Well, they were filling.
Cheesecake Factory
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Mallory
Categories: Balls | Baristas | Customers | Food | Girls | Questions | Restaurants | Rhode Island | Sex | Posted 2010-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Elizabeth Bennet on Her Honeymoon
20-something woman to friend: So, that was how my morning started: waking up with a man I am not overly fond of.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: my morning started a little better
Categories: Feelings | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Relationships | Women | Posted 2010-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Still Have That Restraining Order Against the Koosh Kins
Man to wife: You can bring the Beanie Babies if you really want.
Brighton
England
Overheard by: Randy
Okay, You Don't Have to Show Me.
Grandson, watching grandmother hold cigar as if it was a joint: If grandma takes off her bra and burns it, I'm gonna freak out.
Grandma: Oh, Simon! I'm not wearing one.
Spencer, Iowa
And That Includes the Presidency, Sir.
Girl: You know, everything is just a blowjob away...
Montreal
Canadia
Categories: BJs | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Girls | Posted 2010-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Think I Don't Dream About Them at Night?
Teen girl #1: I have pomegranate green tea at home.
Teen girl #2: Oh my god! Just think of the antioxidants!
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: local woman
Categories: Food | Health & Hygiene | Teens | Virginia | Posted 2010-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Llama on a Cart You Can Wheel Around?
Loud lady on cell phone in philosophy section of a bookstore: Which Dali Lama book? They have a million. What's a Dali Lama, anyway?
Southaven, Mississippi
Overheard by: Beth Walker
Categories: Books | Mississippi | Names | On the phone | Questions | Stores | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2010-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dropping Off Her Kids Again?
Older woman on phone: June* is in jail right now, but she'll be into work a little later.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: o_o
Categories: Crimes | Jobs & Careers | Old folks | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Time Management | Women | Posted 2010-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'll Ask That the Contract Be Written on Recycled Paper
Greenpeace canvasser: Hey! Want to save some trees?
Lady: I don't have time right now. I have to go get rid of a man by divorcing him.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Deana
Categories: Illinois | Questions | Relationships | Strangers | Time Management | Women | Posted 2010-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now I Smell Like Paris Hilton!
Girlfriend to boyfriend, after emerging from bathroom: Hahaha! I peed on my hands!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that's disgusting. Really.
Categories: Couples | Hands | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Restroom | Posted 2010-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because He Asked Too Many Questions, Sweetie.
Little boy witnessing a shiatsu massage: Mommy, why are they killing that man?
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Aren't You Glad We Can All Joke About Mass Murder Like This?
Sweet-ass security guard: Miss, you're going to have to hang up your phone and run it through the machine.
20-something girl intern: But I'm not a terrorist, and I'm on an important call. Can't I just walk through?
Sweet-ass security guard: Miss, that would be like Timothy McVeigh driving up and asking "hey, can I park my car here?"
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Compare and contrast | Cops | Crimes | Eavesdrop DC | Employees | Offers and requests | Violence | Posted 2010-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Biology Teachers Really Know How to Make Learning Fun
Girl wearing "save a horse, ride a bride" t-shirt, during bachelorette party: I loved the penis toss!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Kevin Gordish
And My Dad Says I Don't Pursue My Goals!
30-something white guy on cell: It may be an all-time low, but I can successfully whack it to Telemundo.
Frisco, Texas
Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | On the phone | TV shows | Texas | Whiteys | Posted 2010-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As General Custer Clearly Stated at the Time.
Student: But why would someone do that?
Teacher: For the LOLs.
High School
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
If You Kept Up-to-Date on My Facebook Status, You'd Know
Teenage girl #1 to others in feminine products aisle: When do you douche?
Teenage girl #2: I don't know, when do you douche?
(group of teenage girls giggle hysterically)
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: personally, I prefer Thursdays
These New Refrigeration Bras Are Fabulous
Middle-age woman to friend: We're smuggling beer! We're smuggling beer!
Fisherman's Wharf
San Francisco, California
Categories: Crimes | Drinking & drunks | Friends | San Francisco | Women | Posted 2010-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Until Dinner, Though.
Wannabe hipster girl: I'm anorexic!
Wannabe hipster friend: No way!
Wannabe hipster girl: No, seriously! I'm anorexic since lunch.
Wannabe hipster friend: Okay.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: the actual hipsters were way more polite
Categories: Food | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Hipsters | Overheard in Minneapolis | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shhh-- You'll Give the Poor Flying Squirrel Body Image Issues
Girl, about woman who had gastric bypass: Dude, she has bags of skins. If she jumped out an airplane, she'd glide.
Aurora, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
Categories: Body parts | Colorado | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Posted 2010-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Hoping for a Muppet Baby
Middle aged female client: You aren't going to find out the sex? How are you going to know what color to paint the nursery or what kind of baby clothes to get?
Pregnant 30-something hair stylist: Oh, please, like it matters what colors I choose. People aren't going to be wondering if it's a girl or a boy, anyway; they're going to wonder if it's an animal or a baby.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: jenc17
Why Not Get Two Whores and Make a Sandwich?
Drunk man to another: I don't know if I should get a sandwich or a fucking whore...
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drunks | Food | Illinois | Sex | Posted 2010-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Were Only Growing You for the Organs, Anyway
Dad: Buddy, you have to breathe. You can't hold your breath forever.
Son: No! I'm never going to breathe again. I hate it!
Dad: Sounds good.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: kaybay
Categories: Dads | Family | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, and I Finally Finished That Jigsaw Puzzle!
Woman on cell: Did I tell you the baby died? No?! When did we last talk?
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Wil
Categories: Death & dying | Kids | On the phone | Questions | San Francisco | Women | Posted 2010-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Unrelated News, Want Some Homemade Cookies?
Manager of restaurant to guy leaving restroom: I know we don't have paper towels in there. I am getting some right now.
Guy: It's okay. I never wash my hands anyway.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that guy's girlfriend
Categories: Bosses | Guys | Hands | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | Restaurants | Restroom | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Once Upon a Lie in Mexico
Guy on phone: Hey. (pause) No, I can't make it. (pause) Yeah, I'm in Mexico.
Murrieta, California
Overheard by: we're not that far from mexico, but still.....
Categories: California | Guys | Lies | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What'd You Think Was in a McFlurry?
Woman #1: You're going to suck meat through a straw?
Woman #2: Yeah!
Culver City, California
Overheard by: LaLa Land
Categories: California | Food | Questions | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Also Wear Che Guevara T-Shirts and Thinks It's Bob Marley
Old lady to emo girl: Al Gore is really saving the earth.
Emo girl wearing bag that says "go green": Wait... Who's Al Gore?
Ketchikan, Alaska
Overheard by: Claire
We Could Pretend We're a Siamese Twin
Guy to female bartender: Why don't we just date other people together?
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: rich
Categories: Bartenders | Guys | Offers and requests | Overheard in PDX | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No One Expects Me to Understand Technology
Old Midwestern lady #1: All these kids bringing their videos games everywhere!
Old Midwestern lady #2: It's depressing! My son-in-law brings his laptop everywhere. Always on the internet.
Old Midwestern lady #1: Is he using one of those blueberries? Or blackpods?
Old Midwestern lady #2: I don't know, I'm just glad I'm old.
Newark, New Jersey
Overheard by: thankfully on a different flight
Categories: Age and ageing | Family ties | Gadgets | Games | Gripes | Internet | Kids | Laptops | New Jersey | Old folks | Women | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Geeks and Sexual Experimentation Are Often a Perilous Combo
Student to friend: Could you imagine having a test tube shatter while it is up your ass, or worse? I know a girl that it happened to!
Cabra Dominican College
Australia
Categories: Ass | Australia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Science | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gin?
Middle-aged father to waitress, about loud toddler daughter: It's an emergency. We need some happy juice.
Restaurant
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: silver
Categories: Baristas | Colorado | Dads | Food | Kids | Offers and requests | Parenting | Restaurants | Should have used a condom | Posted 2010-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
*Facepalm*
Middle aged drunk white lady, seriously: Dude, where's my car?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: unicorn lover
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Whiteys | Women | Posted 2010-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Tina Turner, We Know.
Hungover girl: Oh my god! Look at my hair, it's a mess! I look like a horse's vagina!
Flight above London
England
Not As Lame As Saying "No" to Drugs, But Close Enough.
Government teacher: The finance committee is sexy. Who wants to be part of the education committee, anyway? They're lame.
High School
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Education | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So at the Very Least, She Hates Freedom.
Woman #1: No, I don't know for sure if she's a vegetarian or not.
Woman #2: Well, she wouldn't drink coffee this morning.
Woman #3, nodding head: True, true.
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: anabanana
Categories: Colorado | Diet & weight | Food | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2010-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Minneapolis Does Its Public Service Announcements a Bit Differently
Guy on bike to random guy: Hey, do you know where Saint pedophilia is?
Random guy: Where?
Guy on bike: Saint pedophilia. It's a Catholic church by Saint Thomas where the priests molest little boys and turn them into homosexuals. (bikes away)
Random guy, stunned: What the fuck was that?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: well, that was odd
Categories: Christianity | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Sex | Sexuality | Strangers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Childhood Dream Is Finally Coming True!
Girl to friend: Like, oh my god! I just got mistaken for a sales clerk at freakin' Levi's!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: seastardodell
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Washington | Posted 2010-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At the Time, I Considered a March on Washington.
Girl to friend: The Oscars don't really mean shit. I mean, personally, I feel it was a crime when they overlooked Eddie Vedder for best supporting actor in singles.
Atlanta, Georgia
I Don't Remember the Plot Of Of Mice and Men Going Quite That Way
Teacher: So, he gets this chick to marry him and she leaves her princess life in wherever, and now he's dreaming about mud!
Columbia, Missouri
Categories: Education | Family ties | Missouri | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do I Know You?
Guy on crowded bus to friend: My undies are going to smell like Mexican food for a day and a half.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I don't want to know
Categories: Bus | Compare and contrast | Food | Friends | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sensory experiences | Undies | Posted 2010-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then He Was Like, "This Is a Job Interview, Tanya."
Black teen girl to friend: He was like "you're so high you don't even know what to do!" and I was like "nigga, this ain't the first time I smoked!"
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Hancock
Ten Bucks Says She Has a Daughter Who's Single
Lady to man putting bagels in a bag: Are you getting those because you are Jewish?
Whole Foods
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: jigawhat
Trust Me-- I Saw It on Ellen.
Nurse: We had the father bless the house when we moved in, but weird stuff keeps happening. I don't think the spirits are happy.
Secretary: Happy? You need the priest to exorcise your house! You want the spirits to be gone, not just happy!
Hospital
Burlingame, California
Overheard by: Just here for the paycheck
Categories: California | Doctor's office | Employees | Happiness | Magic | Nurses | Religion | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No. I Said, "Pass the Bread."
Drunk guy to drunk date: So wait, you want us to be in an anonymous relationship?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: justarrivedtothebarsober
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Relationships | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Long Story Short, That Show Left Me with a Bad Taste in My Mouth.
Guy: I've never seen an emcee try to facefuck a crowd like that before.
The Roxy
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Guys | Massachusetts | Music | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2010-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Proceeded to Link Arms and Skip Off Into the Sunset
Obnoxious panhandler: Spare change if you give a shit! Spare change if you give a shit!
Sassy gay man walking by: I don't.
Obnoxious panhandler: Me neither!
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: RP
Categories: California | Comebacks | Hobos | Panhandling | Queers | Posted 2010-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What I Love About You-- You're Not Afraid to Take Risks
Girl #1: I pulled out my knuckle hair with my teeth just now.
Girl #2: What? What the hell?
Girl #1: I was bored. And I wanted to see what it would feel like.
(silence)
Girl #1: It felt like a pinch.
Columbia, Missouri
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Girls | Hair | Missouri | Sensory experiences | Wishes | Posted 2010-01-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Identifying Your Feelings Is an Important First Step.
Huge guy with a Mohawk: It worries me that I can't smell my deodorant.
Grocery Store
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Deana
Categories: Guys | Health & Hygiene | Illinois | Sensory experiences | Stores | Posted 2010-01-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, What?
Tired restaurant patron: Why would Reese's Pieces put out rhesus monkeys? That's just wrong!
Restaurant
Ocala, Florida
Overheard by: Fully aware restaurant patron
Categories: Animals | Bosses | Candy | Florida | Restaurants | Posted 2010-01-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ooo, Now Tell Me the Plot Of Unbreakable!
Teenager #1: Wanna rent Untraceable?
Teenager #2: Oh, that's like that movie where they can't trace him.
Vestavia Hills, Alabama
Overheard by: Keith
That's What You Said About the Tossed Salad!
Guy: This macaroni and cheese tastes like prison.
Davenport, Iowa
Overheard by: Don
Categories: Compare and contrast | Crimes | Food | Guys | Iowa | Posted 2010-01-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh Honey, We Feel You.
Little boy, desperately: I need to get out of here!
Kohl's Fitting Rooms
Georgia
Overheard by: Iris
Best. Quote Location. Ever.
Male roommate to another: Don't jump on me. I have a boner.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Erections | Friends | New Jersey | Sex | Posted 2010-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Why AA Gives You a Sponsor and Some New Friends
Girl on bus: I've been trying to quit drinking and she was all like, "have some juice with me!" And then she pulls out a half gallon of vodka, and I'm all, "bitch, what you doing?"
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Bus | Drinking & drunks | Food | Girls | Insults | Washington | Posted 2010-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Tha'ts My New Profile Photo!
Girl to friend: Stop! Theirs a picture of his finger in my vagina.
Uninc Loudoun County, Virginia
Stop Wearing Those Stiletto Boots and Bra-tops and We'll Talk
Communications professor: I mean, I can offer you a dollar for sex or I can offer you a million dollars. You're still a prostitute. We're just haggling over price.
(some female students giggle)
Communications professor: What? Oh, you're laughing because I called you whores?
Otago University
New Zealand
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Insults | Money | New Zealand | Offers and requests | Questions | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2010-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So He Could Cut Up His Coke.
Confused junkie: There were these two Jewish guys called Gold and Frankenstein, and they gave Jesus a mirror.
Box Hill Central
Melbourne
Australia
Some Of Your Editors Are Doing Stupid Things Right Now
College boy #1: Hey, man, thanks for getting me out of that skiing trip.
College boy #2: No problem. Pretty girls have made me do stupid things before. In fact, I bet pretty girls make me do stupid things in the future, too. Probably tonight, or tomorrow...
University of Ottawa
Canadia
Overheard by: not a college student yet
Categories: Beauty | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Frat boy types | Stupidity | Time Management | Posted 2010-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're My Bitch
Woman, watching magnificent poodle: Oh my god, that's the most beautiful dog in the world!
Man, wounded: Hey! I'm the most beautiful dog in the world!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Beauty | Bringing it back to you | Compare and contrast | Guys | Pennsylvania | Women | Posted 2010-01-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Stroke Was His Own Idea
Woman on street: The only bad thing I've ever said to Michael is that he should go and die of a heart attack.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Lauren
Categories: Death & dying | Maladies | Maryland | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2010-01-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Hot That Sounds Depends on How Horny You Are
Nerd guy: Did you get a haircut?
Indie girl: No. Why?
Nerd guy: Your bangs are on the other side.
Indie girl: Oh, I didn't shower today.
Godfrey, Illinois
Overheard by: M
Every Political Marriage, Encapsulated.
Boyfriend: Remember when you used to love me?
Girlfriend: Yeah...
Boyfriend: That was nice.
Mall
Biloxi, Mississippi
Overheard by: good times
Categories: Couples | Feelings | Malls | Mississippi | Questions | Posted 2010-01-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess It's Montessori School for You Then
Dad, changing son's diaper: Why don't you want to wear a diaper? You want to run around naked and piss and poop all over the floor?
Son: Yeah!
Dad: What are you, an anarchist?
New Jersey
Mom Still Reminisces Fondly About the First Visit from the Police
Girl: When I see small children, I feel like I owe my mother an apology.
Baltimore, MD
Overheard by: Ren
After MC Skat Kat, Paula Abdul's Career Went Into the Toilet
Student: What's "scat"?
Professor: Poop.
Student: Oh, shit!
Godfrey, Illinois
Overheard by: M
I Guess I Was Absent the Day They Taught That in School
Girl #1: It's like that old saying: abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.
Girl #2: What?! Abstinence?
Girl #1: You've never heard that? It's like when you don't get any for a while, and then you do, and it's really good? You know, makes you love 'em more.
Biloxi, Mississippi
Overheard by: it's one in the same
That Still Doesn't Explain Yao Ming
Guy to friend: If one person is about 1.5 meters tall, two people would be three hundred meters.
Shout-out: talovich.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Yugan Dali
Categories: Friends | Guys | Other sites | Science | Stupidity | Posted 2010-01-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Read the Previous Month's Quotes!
