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December 2009 Archives
And I Enjoy Mocking Your Working-Class Accents
Student, after teacher announced students would take turns to read: Erm, excuse me... Why can't we read quietly for ourselves?
Teacher, with mock shock: Because... We're here together! This is a room full of communion and harmony!
University of Zurich
Switzerland
Overheard by: Stephie
I Used to Let You Be on Top, Too
Wife to husband bagging groceries: Make sure you don't squish my bread.
Husband: You used to like it when I did that!
Waukesha, Wisconsin
Your Editors Got 8,890,000 Hits.
Butchy girl: All I know is, I'm never going to Tennesse again.
Femmy girl: Dude, I told you! That is why you google "gay Tennesse" first!
Hazel Park, Michigan
Overheard by: Beth
Just Really Effeminate Little Boys with Long, Flowing Hair
Mother, queuing at nativity play: Well, of course, she was disappointed to be a shepherd. I mean, children are smart these days. She knows full well there weren't any female shepherds back then.
Milton Keynes
England
Categories: England | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Moms | Posted 2009-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Most Exciting Thing That's Happened in Tukwila, Washington in Years
Man on cell in line at bank, clearly agitated: After what happened last time, you expect me to do that? (pause) What? I can't work with that! (dead silence, then yelling) Look, you motherfucker... I know what the goddamn price of heroin is, and that's not it! (runs away from bank, gets on his 745 BMW)
Customer in line: Did he just say what I think he said?
Teller: I totally heard "heroin."
Tukwila, Washington
Categories: Customers | Drugs | Employees | Guys | Insults | Money | On the phone | Washington | Posted 2009-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Hold Your Breath Waiting for Divine Fireworks, Ma'am
Girl: December 27th, plenty of time to fuck someone for New Year's.
Crazy lady: I didn't hear that! I'm a Pentacostal! That's blasphemy!
Gainesville, Florida
And I Just Took a Tab Of E=mc2
Girlfriend: I'm gonna grab a beer, you want anything?
Boyfriend: Uhhh, not now. I've got to be a penny-pincher.
Girlfriend, laughing at own comment: Maybe you ought to pinch it so hard it turns into a dollar.
Boyfriend: That's stupid. That doesn't make sense. How would that even happen?
Girlfriend, indignant: I don't know! I'm a physicist, not a scientist!
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Feynman
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Money | Offers and requests | Questions | Science | Posted 2009-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Firefighters Multitask Brilliantly
Drugstore cashier to another: Are the firemen here to shop? Or is someone down again?
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: jamjam
Categories: Coworkers | Maladies | Questions | Shopping | Washington | Posted 2009-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let Your Mother, God Bless Her, Wear the Army Boots
Teen girl holding shoe: Can I get this in a...
Ghetto shoe salesman: Dayummm girl, that's an ugly shoe!
Teen girl: Em... Aren't you supposed to be selling this to me?
Ghetto shoe salesman: Yeah, but see, y'alls not a ugly person, I can't let y'all buy an ugly shoe.
Teen girl: Thank you?
Los Angeles, California
Gosh, I Love the Senator's Parties.
Guy #1: I think I have the handcuffs, but I'll call you if I don't.
Guy #2: Yeah, yeah, and I've got the fairy wings, for sure.
High School
Toronto, Canadia
Overheard by: Hope the where talking about drama class
Categories: Canadia | Guys | Kink | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How About "Bacterial Infections Are for Pussies"?
College girl #1: You know how that rumor got started? Because you denied him. It happened to my mom in high school.
College girl #2: "Just because I didn't sleep with you doesn't mean I have chlamydia!" I so need a shirt that says that.
London
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Education | Family ties | Gripes | STDs | Sex | Sorority types | Posted 2009-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And They Look Suspiciously Like My Uncles
Five-year-old boy: There are moles in my bed that are all named Leroy. They keep me warm.
Eltham
Australia
Overheard by: martinasnape
...And Pour Some More Bailey's Into My Mug.
Store employee: Would you like to try a free sample of hot cocoa?
Nine-year-old daughter, impatient: Come on, mom! We need to get to your appointment!
Mom: Shut up! There's always time for free cocoa. Here!
Nine-year-old daughter: I don't want any.
Mom: Then just shut up.
Minnetonka, Minnesota
A Speak & Spell Finally Stepped in and Settled the Matter
Boy #1: Your girlfriend's name is Emily, right?
Boy #2: Kate.
Boy #1, shrugging: They're both animals.
Boy #2, agreeing: Both start with vowels.
Boy #1: What?
Boy #2: What?
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: MaggieB
You Lithuanian Girls Know What I'm Talking About
Anthropology teacher: All women are beautiful, whether they're tall and skinny or not. Including female Sasquatch.
USF
Florida
Categories: Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Florida | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ricky Has Yet to Encounter Tentacle Porn
Girl to boy: Yeah, well, I watched Hentai once. I think Japanese people have mammal fetishes because all the girls had four ears, and there seemed to be furry rodents latched onto their vulvae.
Hammondsport, New York
You Forgot to Add "...My Penis?"
Normal, fairly cute boy: Excuse me.
Normal, fairly cute girl: Yes? (stops walking)
Normal, fairly cute boy: Are you interested in any global issues? Aids, the environment, human rights?
Normal, fairly cute girl: Honestly, no. (walks away)
Normal, fairly cute boy: Oh. (looks really confused and a little crushed)
Outside Library
University of York
England
Overheard by: Even I thought it was a bit harsh!
Plus, I Learned to Use a Urinal
Barely legal drunk blonde: Oh my god, I just walked into the guys' washroom. There were guys at the urinals!
Barely legal drunk brunette: It's okay, you were just breaking down gender dichotomies.
Karaoke Bar
Canadia
Overheard by: Tiffany
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bimbettes | Canadia | Drunks | Gender issues | Pee | Sexuality | Posted 2009-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mmm, Sacrilicious!
20-something girl: Those deviled eggs totally messed me up... Emotionally.
Manhattan, New York
Meet the Inventor Of Capri Pants
Girl in party: And then I said, "stop the car! I need to ask that midget where he got his pants!"
Connecticut
You Are Now Qualified to Work at McDonald's
Five-year-old daughter: Daddy, ask me some math questions.
Father: Okay, what is 4 x 4?
Five-year-old daughter: It's not 9!
Father: That's correct.
McDonald's
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Michael Moore
That's What My Gymnastics Coach Used to Say!
Biology teacher: Today we are going to learn to make a wet mount.
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: the one chortling in the back
And You Thought SpongeBob Was Gay
Teenage girl to friend: Anyway, I think he likes me... He gave me a sponge bath last night.
Victoria
Australia
Overheard by: Ineke
Kids Start Disappointing You As Soon As They Possibly Can
Little girl: Mom, can I buy that doll house?
Mom: No, you don't have enough money.
Daughter: Can't I just use my college money?
Mom: No.
Daughter: But I don't want to go to college, I want the doll house! I don't want to go to college!
Toy Store
Canadia
What If You're Pregnant with a Large Tumor That Has Teeth and Hair?
Boy #1: So, I never got what the difference was between liberals and conservatives.
Boy #2: Well, conservatives like big business, and liberals like communism.
Boy #1: Oh. What if I want to be both?
Boy #2: You can't be both. It's an on/off thing. Like, you're either pregnant or you're not. Or like you're Christian or you're Islam.
High School
Minnesota
Categories: Compare and contrast | Kids | Kids | Minnesota | Politics | Pregnancy | Questions | Religion | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Doughnuts, at Least, Are Cheaper by the Dozen
Mother to daughter: And soon you'll be having babies...
Daughter's friend: I want a baby.
Daughter: What?!
Friend: Actually I want a doughnut, but no one was listening to me.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: and i want a pony
Ooh, and Some Scrambled Eggs!
Girl to friend: I'm going to order a pint. Or do we just want to split a pitcher?
Friend: I'm pregnant, remember?
Girl: Oh, yeah. But I thought you were planning to abort it?
Friend: I am. (sighs) Okay, let's get a pitcher.
Bar
Zwankendamme
Belgium
Categories: Abortion | Bars & Clubs | Belgium | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Girls | Pregnancy | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Best. Baby Shower. Ever.
Woman to group of girls: I would rather sword fight you than make baskets and decorate cakes.
St. Louis, Missouri
He's the High Bidder
Lady on cell: That Senator from Costa Rica or wherever said that our little Mandy* was the best strutter in the country!
Walt Disney World
Florida
Overheard by: Deeds
Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Florida | On the phone | Women | Posted 2009-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Difference Between Long-term and Short-term Thinking, Encapsulated
Girlfriend: How would you feel if I told you I was pregnant?
Boyfriend: Are you pregnant? Because if you are, I'm cumin' in you.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Yet Another Reason to Love L.A.
Girl #1: Do you wear thongs when you are on your period?
Girl #2: Of course! I need to air it out.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: rose
Categories: California | Clothes | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Undies | Posted 2009-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only in the Places Where You're Smoking That Blunt
Girl #1: You look really high right now.
Girl #2, panicking: Do I smell high!?
Cumberland, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Categories: Drugs | Girls | Maine | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Rachel Ray Show We've All Been Waiting for
Guy: Do you know what "felching" is?
Girl: No... Is it tasty?
New Jersey
Categories: Cum | Girls | Guys | Licking | New Jersey | Questions | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...In a Non-Sexual Way?
Behavioral therapist, in very serious voice, to child with autism about animal crackers: Jason, put the elephant in your mouth!
Child's mother, laughing: How often do you honestly get to say that?
St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: aba therapist
Categories: Animals | Canadia | Disabled | Food | Kids | Kids | Medical personnel | Mental illnesses | Moms | Questions | Posted 2009-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Regardless, It Fills Us Up.
Girl: I've always wanted to try their maple bacon bar, but I either don't have enough cash, or I'm with someone and we usually either get the baker's dozen... or a penis.
Doughnut Store
Portland, Oregon
...As Expressly Stated in the Terms Of My Employment.
Girl on phone: You can't just give me some Craisins and expect everything to be okay after you called me a Nazi!
University of Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Florida | Food | Gifts | Girls | Insults | On the phone | Posted 2009-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Seems Rather a Moat Point
Middle aged man on phone: Maraud my castle?
Bath
England
Overheard by: Clara Lee
Categories: England | Guys | On the phone | Questions | Violence | Posted 2009-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Say "Trouser," This Conversation Is Over.
Girl: I was thrown up on by a snake yesterday.
Friend: What kind of snake?
Subway
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Robbo
Rather a Creature Who Hates All Happiness
Professor, on Dante's version of the devil: This is not like one of those vampire things that are good-looking and want to suck your blood, and that makes you happy.
University of Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
Categories: Beauty | Books | Colleges & Universities | Evil | Happiness | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Furniture Stripping
First grade teacher to colleague, in front of first graders: And so I walked into the living room and he was there, naked, standing on the coffee table.
Portland, Maine
I Can Hear You All Blinking
Boy to giggling girl #1: I like your eyelashes, they're really long.
(jealous silence)
Giggling girl #2: The rest of us have eyelashes too!
Twickenham
England
Overheard by: Becca
Categories: Body parts | Bringing it back to you | Compliments | England | Girls | Guys | Posted 2009-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Wondered About the Beanie
Brunette: Are you getting him something for Christmas?
Blonde: Why would I?
Brunette: I don't know, I thought you were close!
Blonde: Christmas present? He's Jewish!
Brunette: Ohhhh.
Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Gifts | Ohio | Questions | Relationships | Religion | Posted 2009-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Many Start; Few Are Able to Finish
Guy to group of friends: I don't think I could ever do anything like that.
Girl: Oh, is this about the circle jerk?
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Friends | Guys | Kink | Masturbation | Questions | Posted 2009-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Boobies Don't Make You Gag??
Gay professor: He's saying, "I like men and women," and I'm like, "Ew!"
Godfrey, Illinois
Overheard by: M
That Is So Cliche.
Working-class hippie: Oh, I have another porn story!
Foreign hippie: The one about your mom?
Working-class hippie: No, no, this one's about Matt*--my surrogate father.
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Family ties | Foreigners | Hippies | Massachusetts | Parenting | Porn | Posted 2009-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Perils Of Undercooked Turducken
Guy on cell: And I was crouched down lookin' up at her, and all of a sudden this teal duck shot out her ass! Pass me them field peas.
Louisiana
Overheard by: 2 tables over
Ever Dated Anyone from Seattle?
Trendy Asian on crowded platform: It smells like hot ass in here.
Trendy Asian friend: How would you know what hot ass smells like?
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: TrainRider
Categories: Asians | Ass | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Wasn't Until Cambodia That Josh Fell Silent
20-something Jewish guy, breaking silence: It ain't easy growing up Jewish in New York City.
20-something friend: Will you stop going on about that to every person we meet?
Boat Tour
Central Vietnam
Overheard by: its not easy growing up
Is It Too Late for a Teachable Moment?
Manly guy to male friend carrying fake baby for parenting class: So, did Beth* get her period yet?
Wichita, Kansas
The Spontaneous Admission to Grad School Is Just a Myth
Philosophy professor: He chose this example because it had sex appeal. It turned people on.
(changes PowerPoint slide to picture of bacterial flagellum)
Male student: Ohhhhh!
Professor: Please don't have an orgasm in my class.
Lycoming College
Williamsport, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Orgasm | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Science | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Really, Who Wants to Lay Eggs and Have a Guy Shoot on Them?
Student #1: My friend's mom didn't let him watch The Little Mermaid because she was half naked.
Student #2: Yeah, Ariel was such a ho-bag.
Student #1: You know she just wanted those legs so she could spread 'em.
Loma Linda, California
Categories: Body parts | California | Movies | Parenting | Students | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Awfully Peesnickety
Drunk guy: I'm so happy I'm a guy. I don't have to wipe after I pee.
Tipsy girl: You should really wipe if you want Lisa* to suck your dick.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Categories: BJs | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Pee | Penis | Sexuality | Stupidity | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stick Something Weird in Your Penis, Then
20-something girl: If I had a penis I wouldn't know what to do with it. Awkward.
20-something guy: If I had a vagina I'd stick all kinds of weird stuff in it all the time!
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: akvinsc
The Mormon Missionaries Were Only Too Happy to Obey
Female college student: Why are you wearing underwear? I don't wear underwear. I'm a dancer. You are not a dancer. What are you even doing here? You're not a real dancer. You're an elf. And you're going to wear panties like an elf.
Chicago, Illinois
Hard to Imagine I'd Ever Get Sick Of Being Objectified
Gay guy: Then we can talk about boys more openly because I'll have long hair, and be pretty and have boobs!
Girl: They're not that fun...
Gay guy: Boobs aren't that fun?
Girl: No!
Pleasant Grove, Utah
Overheard by: Weskimo
Smart Money Says She Prefers Teaching Gymnastics
Teacher: Who was right in the American Revolution?
(silence)
Student: We were?
Teacher: We were! God, I thought you were all communists for a minute.
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Ah, the Irish Curse
American girl: Are you British?
Irish girl: No, I'm Irish.
American girl: Ew! Does that mean you eat haggis?
Irish girl, peevishly: No, haggis is Scottish.
American girl: Ohhh! Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you!
Irish girl: The implication that I'm Scottish isn't what offends me about this conversation.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: T
Categories: California | Food | Foreigners | Geography | Girls | Stupidity | Posted 2009-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But My Counselor Doubts I Can Make a Career Out Of It
Frat boy: They called me "the virgin detector."
Washington, DC
Categories: Frat boy types | Names | Virginity | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: He's Very Rich
Girl: He's like a pedophile, but for some reason that just makes me like him more.
Santa Cruz, California
Categories: California | Crimes | Girls | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Salute the Men and Women Who Fight for the Freedom to Be Ignorant
Soldier: So I guess I'm leaving around April-ish.
Girl: Why can't they send you to Paris? Or Greece?
Soldier: Um... Cause we aren't at war there?
Girl: Well, we should be!
Ft. Campbell, Kentucky
It's Time to Play How Long 'Til His Head Explodes!
French metrosexual, holding up iPhone: It's from Madame Butterfly. You know it?
French bike cop: Yeah, I saw the American movie of it. With that one homosexual actor. Robbie... Robin...
British dinner guest: Robbie Williams?
American dinner guest: Robin Williams? Wait, he's not gay...
French bike cop: Yes. Him.
British dinner guest: That was Mrs Doubtfire.
American dinner guest: It's called Papillon in the US.
French metrosexual: What?
France
Categories: About celebrities | Cell phones | Cops | Foreigners | France | Movies | Names | Sexuality | Posted 2009-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jack Daniels and Cigarettes: the Early Years
Girl: Good morning, Rob*.
Guy, gasping: Your voice changed! It's deeper!
Girl: Oh. This is my morning voice. It's how I sound in the morning.
Guy: You're not cute anymore!
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With Just a Little More Downtown
20-something trendy gangster: I'm just there for looks, you know? (pause) I'm like the sculpture of David, chiseled and beautiful.
University of Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Fashion | Thugs | Posted 2009-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When I Drink, I Become Fluent in Arabic
Drunk boy, about text message: That doesn't say anything.
Drunk girl: Yes, it does. It says, "hey, what's up?"
Drunk boy: No, it doesn't.
Drunk girl to sober girl: Does this say, "hey, what's up?"
Sober girl: No. It says, "al aloof ah."
Brantford
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Guys | Language barrier | Words | Posted 2009-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Michigan It's Always the 1950s
Girl #1: We have to deal with it for nine months!
Girl #2: At least we get to be bitches for no reason.
Girl #1: Yeah, my boyfriend's basically a slave.
University of Michigan
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: ...I knew it!
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Michigan | Pregnancy | Relationships | Posted 2009-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on Graze Anatomy
Little boy to grandmother: My mommy's held a cow brain.
Borders Bookstore
Alameda, California
Overheard by: Lith
Categories: Animals | Body parts | California | Family | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Parenting | Stores | Posted 2009-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...With a Real Girl.
Six-year-old boy, firmly groping mannequin's backside: I'm popular! I'm popular! Look, mommy!
Flustered mom: Go be popular over there!
Morganton, North Carolina
Overheard by: Carla
Categories: Kids | Moms | North Carolina | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2009-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So Most Of You Got That Wrong on the Midterm.
Psychology professor at all-women college: Personality disorders are the people you end up married to.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Sabrina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Maryland | Mental illnesses | Relationships | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Extra Chunky
20-something girl: So I had to go to the emergency room because I thought I had a baby.
Shocked co-worker: What?! What was it?
20-something girl: Just my period. But it was a bad one.
Biloxi, Mississippi
Overheard by: don't ditch health class
Categories: Coworkers | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Mississippi | Pregnancy | Questions | Posted 2009-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Slippery Slope
Concerned father, giving advice to someone else's kid: I would strongly advise against eating gum found in the bathroom.
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Amanda Postel
Until She Finds My Letter-Bomb
Six-year-old, matter-of-factly when seeing fireworks go off at Magic Kingdom: They blew up Mickey... Now only Minnie is left.
Disneyworld Bus
Orlando, Florida
A Porno?
Woman on BlackBerry: So what's cream cheese again?
Australia
Categories: Australia | Food | On the phone | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And by "Celebrating Mass" I Mean Exactly What You Think I Mean
18-year-old guy to friend: If I liked kids, I would be celebrating mass at a Catholic church.
Mexico City
Mexico
Overheard by: Kafnut
Categories: Central America | Christianity | Friends | Kids | Teens | Posted 2009-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Would've Assumed You Could Read
Train conductor, to teenage girl with feet on chair: Can you read? (points to sign)
Teenage girl: What...? Oh, sorry. (takes her feet down, conductor walks away)
Suit: He would have never done that if you were a guy.
New Jersey Transit
Categories: Conductors | New Jersey | Public Transportation | Questions | Sexuality | Suits | Teens | Posted 2009-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Like to Tape Pictures to It
Customer #1: Can you tell me about these TVs? Oh, sorry, I thought you worked here. You are dressed just like them.
Customer #2: That's okay. I don't know much about TVs.
Customer #1: What's to know? You plug it in and connect the cable, right? You probably know as much as them. Now these TVs, if they are digital, which they say they are... do I need a cable box for these or do I just put the setting on cable?
Customer #2: I don't know. I don't have a digital TV.
Customer #1: I don't have a TV either. I'm homeless. I have a radio.
Best Buy
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Scomart
Categories: Clothes | Customers | Maryland | Offers and requests | Shopping | Technology | Posted 2009-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They're All Just So Ignorant, Y'Know?
Man #1: I hate the Middle East.
Man #2: Yeah. We should just nuke that island.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: amazed and frightened
Categories: Geography | Gripes | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Violence | Posted 2009-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Hides It under All the Ruffles
Woman, pointing to dress: That's nice and flowy. Not for me, but totally something Christine would wear.
Friend, indifferent: Oh yeah, Christine.
Woman: She throws up her food, though.
Friend, trailing off: Oh yeah, that's right.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: alexis
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Food | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | Women | Posted 2009-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...From Your Leash.
Mother, chasing fleeing toddler across library: Stop! Come back! You have separation anxiety!
Christchuch
New Zealand
Overheard by: I suspect it's the other way around...
When Forever 21 Started Manufacturing Habits...
70-something nun to another: I don't care about the bra straps. It's my boobs that really stand out in this shirt.
Holyoke, Massachusetts
Overheard by: ldiggitydawg
Categories: Christianity | Clothes | Massachusetts | Nuns | Old folks | Rack | Posted 2009-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everything He Knows About Americans He Learned from Watching Roseanne Reruns
Little boy, pointing to tourist: Mom! I can't get on because the American will eat me!
Philippines
...And If You Have Any Train-Driving Experience, Please Report to the Front Car.
Conductor: Welcome on board the 4:15 service to Wolverhampton, calling at Smethwick, Sandwell and... Oh god, my head... (mic cuts out for a while) Sandwell... and Dudley, and Wolverhampton... (breathes heavily, deep sigh, mic cuts out again)
Birmingham to Wolverhampton Train
England
Overheard by: xSJBx
Categories: Conductors | England | Headaches | Public Transportation | Train | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not The Lake House Good, But What Is?
15-year-old thug, to thug friends: Hmm... P.S. I Love You. That was actually a pretty good movie.
Promenade de Cathedral
Montreal
Canadia
Overheard by: Reb
I'm Pretty Sure Dead Cow Is My Spirit-Animal
Coworker #1: Our courageous leader tells me our people have fallen on hard times and though the metaphorical rain may fall, our perseverance will prevail, and triumph will soon be ours.
Coworker #2: Weird, dude. Hey, wanna order Jimmy John's with me?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: coworker #3
Categories: Coworkers | Food | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Religion | Weather | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Before Church.
Middle aged woman with grandchildren, at 11:30 am: I just took the kids out to breakfast and now I need to go home and have me a Jack Daniels.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Les
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Food | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Women | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Strip Poker Has Sure Changed a Lot Since I Was in College
Girl to friends: I always win, though... and it's pretty easy. I just hit him until he takes it off.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: disturbed onlooker
Categories: Friends | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even If You Just Need Someone to Take the Minutes
Man talking loudly on cell: Hey, I heard you have a threesome set up for Saturday! (pauses) Would it be alright if I joined?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I hope he is referring to golf
Categories: Guys | Offers and requests | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sex | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Come We Didn't Have Logic Questions Like This in High School?
Jeff: If I was gay I would whip out my dick right now... which I'm about to do.
Plainsboro, New Jersey
Overheard by: Scott
Categories: New Jersey | Penis | Queers | Sexuality | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to This Algorithm.
Man: I'm too old for overnight adventures.
Woman: You're too married.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: garage girl #1
Categories: Age and ageing | Family ties | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Women | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kim Jong-il Actually Pulls Off "Hobo" Flawlessly
Hobo, panhandling to passer-bys: Can anyone spare some change so I can buy a little wine, some booze, some cheese, a little pot... Maybe some nuclear weapons...
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: http://psychedelicmess.blogspot.com
Categories: Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Food | Hobos | Money | Panhandling | Strangers | Violence | Posted 2009-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And What Kind Of a Lame-Ass Answer Is "Energy"?
Tutor: So what are some things you associate with lemons?
Student #1: Yellow!
Student #2: Energy!
Student #3: Gin-an-tonic!
Tutor: What? Genitalia? Who said genitalia?
Massey University
Wellington
New Zealand
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Fruit | New Zealand | Questions | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Since HR Told Him He Had to Start Giving Us Warnings
Call center girl to coworker who just hung up: Did he tell you he was going to come over here and rub one off?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: keep him away from my potato salad
Categories: Coworkers | Masturbation | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Time I Promise Not to Cheat in Front Of You
Crazy woman on cell: Yeah, you know, I just... I really think we're meant to be together. I can't stop thinking about you. I mean I feel bad I lost you... (brief pause) but I mean I saw this psychic and she said we're totally meant to be, so yeah... (pause again) Well, I mean if you don't care that I slept with so many guys while we were together, maybe we could try again?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: aiden
Categories: Crazies | Feelings | Infidelity | Magic | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Assume Everyone's Seen Independence Day?
Conductor, at the end of introductory speech: And, ladies and gentlemen, in the event of an emergency... you all know what to do.
Train
St. Louis, Missouri
Categories: Advice | Conductors | Missouri | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'm Not Sure the Koala Enjoys It
Male student #1: Man, you can't get pregnant doing that.
Male student #2: Oh.
Monash University
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Assilem
Categories: Advice | Australia | Colleges & Universities | Pregnancy | Students | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which, BTW, Would Be a Great Rapper Name
White guy: How do you pronounce your name? Is it "Ty"?
Asian guy: No, it's "Tee," as in "teabagging."
White guy: Oh. (pause) Wait! What?
Asian guy: Sorry, maybe I should have said "sweet tea."
Atlanta, Georgia
He Used to Just Be Known As "R. Kelly"
Girl, about her dog: Yeah... My friends call him "Facefucker."
Guy: What does that even mean?
Girl: It means he fucks faces.
Guy: Oh.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: lauren
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Girls | Guys | Names | Overheard in PDX | Sex | Posted 2009-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Beginning to Regret Teaching You How to Use Anthrax
Teacher to chattering students: Quit discussing biochemical warfare!
Biology Classroom
Auckland
New Zealand
And Eventually Re-Tell It in the Feature Film What's Glove Got to Do with It?
Girl to female friend: Yes, if I get the job at the CDC I will celebrate your chlamydia as an inspirational story.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | STDs | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Deleted Scene from The Neverending Story
Girl: Good luck with that. You'll end up with barbed wire embedded in your genitals if you go there on foot. And I'll say I told you so.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Jon
Categories: Balls | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Threats | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What Your Novel's About?
Man eating with his family: So when she took her home pregnancy test, she accidentally peed all over the counter. When he confronted her, she lied about it, and also told him she wasn't pregnant. But then my sister told him that she was actually pregnant.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: just trying to enjoy my meat scrambler
He Then Burst Into the Laverne and Shirley Theme Song
Train operator: Orange line to Vienna. If you are on the platform, you better hurry up. Cause I'm not going to let you slow me down.
Metro
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Reject
Categories: Conductors | Public Transportation | Threats | Train | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Sake Of the Wife and Kids
Obvious minor: Can I get a pack of Marlboro lights?
Mini-mart man: Do you have ID?
Obvious minor, indignant: Yeah, but I don't have it on me!
Mini-mart man: Would you like two packs for $9.45?
Obvious minor: No thanks, I'm trying to cut down.
Greenport, New York
Oh, Right: "I'm a Smoker Now."
Guy #1: Dude, how do you blow smoke rings!
Guy #2 jokingly: It is the same as sucking dick.
Guy #1: Oh, okay! (blows smoke rings effortlessly)
Guy #2: Do you need to tell me something, man?
Hookah Bar
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Categories: BJs | Bars & Clubs | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Guys | Penis | Questions | Sexuality | Smoking | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
B.D. Wong Discusses His Performance on Law & Order: SVU
Student to friend: I was going for Asian and it came out pedophile.
Otago University
New Zealand
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | New Zealand | Race | Sex | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ironically, That's When I Realized We Were Lost.
Girl: So then she told me her sister decided to major in geography. I had to pull over to the side of the road because I was laughing so hard.
Massachusetts
Overheard by: English Major
Categories: Education | Family ties | Geography | Girls | Massachusetts | Posted 2009-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eh. Most Of What We Produce Is Shit, Anyway.
Coworker #1: Are either of you any good with reviewing grammar?
Coworker #2: What?
Coworker #1, yelling: I'm having colon problems!
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Body parts | Coworkers | Eavesdrop DC | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Posted 2009-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't That a Little Advanced for Ninth Grade Biology?
Woman: So, now they're testing for incest.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Me
Categories: Family ties | Overheard in Minneapolis | Science | Sex | Women | Posted 2009-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Disposed Of Her Along with the Tree
Woman to companion, while waiting for bus: So, it was really lucky that grandma died on Christmas, because we just drove down and went from there. Otherwise, we would have had to drive down twice.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: ...you're kind of a bitch
Categories: Death & dying | Family ties | Feelings | Overheard in Minneapolis | Women | Posted 2009-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Way Too Shallow to Date a Bald Guy.
Young woman on cell: Who is this? (pause) He is my baby, not my boyfriend! I told you that. (short pause) What's wrong with you?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: yikes!
Categories: Family ties | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Relationships | Women | Posted 2009-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After You Get Your Rocks Off
Geology teacher: That is dew that is on your glass of joy juice.
Olympia, Washington
Categories: Cum | Drinking & drunks | Teachers | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember "Sweaty Boobs"?
Friend #1: I just want a Dance Dance Revolution mat that won't skid around on the floor while I dance on it. I am thinking about covering my old one in an unskiddable material.
Friend #2: Well, you could try human skin.
Friend #1: Does it skid?
Friend #2: Only when wet.
Gamestop
Omaha, Nebraska.
Not to Mention Tommy Lee's Package
Passerby, to himself: Man, they should totally make Google a wonder of the world. I mean, they already have Hollywood and shit.
Technology Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Rachael Johnson
Categories: Compare and contrast | Internet | Massachusetts | Strangers | Posted 2009-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Where They Speak Guatlish
Older woman: Susie's daughter adopted two little Guatemalites... Guatemalians?
Younger woman: Guatemalans.
Older woman: Yeah, you know, from Guatemalia.
Younger woman: Uhhhh...
Sacramento, California
Categories: California | Family ties | Geography | Kids | Stupidity | Women | Words | Posted 2009-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Nightmare I Thought Had Ended in the Mid-90's
Mother: Hey, you could get a job at Build-A-Bear.
Exasperated daughter: No I couldn't, they have to wear khaki pants and denim shirts.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: what?s wrong with that?
Categories: Clothes | Family | Jobs & Careers | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2009-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Has a Built-In Polygraph
Teen, trying to convince friends: He wasn't lying! It was on Facebook!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: the usher
Categories: Friends | Internet | Lies | Overheard in Minneapolis | Teens | Posted 2009-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Are You Even Here, Mary Anne?
Teen to friend at urinal: How many people do you think have whacked off into this urinal?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: seriously?
Categories: Friends | Masturbation | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Restroom | Teens | Posted 2009-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Sure Those Pointed Hoods Are Just for Style
Man handing out pamphlets to white women: You two don't look like you're racist!
Kenmore Square
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: anonymous
I'm Beginning to Regret Making Smoke-Signals Our Primary Form Of Communication
Young woman: And if he's still giving you mixed signals, he can just go suck his own dick.
Frustrated friend: That's the point! If he'd give me a clear sign, I'd do it for him!
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
I Know All Too Well About Her Penchant for Doggy Style
Dude #1: So then I was like, "take that back, you bitch!"
Dude #2: Whoa man, then what happened?
Dude #1: She bent over, and then it hit her that I wasn't trying to bone her doggy style. I dumped her two minutes later.
Dude #2: Haha, yeah! That's my sister for you!
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Stephanie C.
Clustered Around the Mayonnaise and Wonder Bread
Aunt: Jared*, put the toy back. We are going to go over to K-Mart, because they have a better selection.
Four-year-old: I don't want to go to K-Mart, auntie! There's too many white people over there!
Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: His (embarassed) Mother
And Such Small Portions!
50-something woman: Fine by me! How much cocaine can you even buy for $180 bucks? Probably only, like, a gram. (long pause) Ya know, that's the problem with drugs these days. They are so expensive.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: her niece
Categories: Drugs | Money | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So We're Giving Him My Anal Fisting Videos and Hoping He Can Extrapolate
Middle-aged man: So the other day my friend asked me to borrow some porn tapes. He said he needed to teach his son about the birds and the bees.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: the wirled
Categories: Birds | Education | Guys | Insects | Kids | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Porn | Posted 2009-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Spoken Like Someone Who's Never Seen Mr. Wrong
Teen girl on cell: Cuz you're not a lesbian fan, and I like lesbians. They're funny.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: um...
Categories: Compare and contrast | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's with All the Waking Up Naked?
Guy: I took some ibuprofen, and then when I woke up in the morning all my clothes were off. Luckily, my headache was gone.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Clothes | Guys | Headaches | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Washington | Posted 2009-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Asked the Purple Monkey in the Corner, and Even He Didn't Know.
Man: I just had a dream where I was stoned, and when I woke up, I couldn't tell if I was stoned or not.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: jfa
Categories: Drugs | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Posted 2009-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is a Gluestick, Sweetie.
Guy: I've been using the same deodorant stick for the last eight years. I'd replace it, but I think they discontinued the brand.
Wal-Mart
Ft. Collins, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Sensory experiences | Stores | Posted 2009-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When You're Swimming through Them Like Scrooge McDuck
Woman to another, shopping in frozen food aisle: You know, I think sometimes you really can have too many Tater Tots in the house.
Shoppers Food Warehouse
Northern Virginia
Overheard by: Pat Trenner
I Spent a Whole Week in a Broom Closet Once
Boy #1 to boy #2, who is moving his chair: What the fuck are you doing?
Boy #2: I'm moving you out of the way so I can get by.
Boy #1: What? You could've just asked me to move.
Boy #2: Yeah, but I was trying to save you from having to do anything. Don't worry, I was gonna put you back.
Boy #1: Okay.
Boy #2: I hate when people move me and don't put me back.
Student Center, WCC
Valhalla, New York
Overheard by: Princess Diana
They're So Cute-- I Want One
Junior girl, watching group of new freshman and shaking her head: I swear they keep getting smaller.
Weber State University
Utah
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Students | Utah | Posted 2009-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Its Subtitle: "I Was Too Drunk to Prepare a Lesson for Today"
Professor, pulling blue scarf out of pocket for magic trick: Now that... that is what I like to call... a blue scarf.
Villanova University
Villanova, Pennsylvania
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Education | Magic | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Posted 2009-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Say You Use Them As Currency?
Exasperated little boy to mother: No, it's not a version, it's a virgin, with a "g"!
Redlands, California
But It'll Ruin That Perfectly Good Wii Controller
Annoyed guy walking with his girlfriend: Whatever... We can do it anally tonight if you want.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Backdoor | Couples | Eavesdrop DC | Offers and requests | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like How to Talk Out Of Your Butte
Freshman #1, reading from textbook: Butte. What is a butte exactly?
Freshman #2: A fancy way to say "butt."
Freshman #1: God, you learn so much at college.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: kbay
Her Boyfriend Is Willing to Stick It in Any Cavity
Girl #1: I had to go to the dentist, and I spent over a million dollars!
Girl #2: Oh my god, what did you have done?
Girl #3: She had a dick removed from her mouth.
Peoria, Illinois
Overheard by: Allison
That's Meg Ryan.
Girl #1: I want to have sex with that duck.
Girl #2: Shut up!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: io
But This Time You'd Better Not Force Your Brother to Eat It
Eight-year-old boy: Hey dad, can I get deodorant?
Father: Uh, sure.
Eight-year-old boy: Yesssss!
A&P Supermarket
Totowa, New Jersey
Categories: Dads | Happiness | Kids | Kids | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Parenting | Stores | Posted 2009-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mom's Just Mean
Guy #1: Yo, she can't be saying that "you small shit" to you, man. Was it limp or fully flexed?
Guy #2: No, it was ready to go.
Guy #1: Damn, she trippin.
Tysons Corner, Vriginia
Which One Of These Makes More Sense to You Says a Lot About You As a Person
Young man: You were in the same gay motorboat?
Girl: No! We were in the same getting-better boat.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: sydblair
Categories: Girls | Guys | Questions | San Francisco | Sexuality | Posted 2009-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then They Both Let Out Super-Sighs.
Fat tourist mom: Nah... I don't wanna eat there.
Fat tourist dad, wistfully: Well, it's not McDonald's.
Outside Marcy's Diner
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: townie knows best
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Fat people | Food | Maine | Moms | Restaurants | Tourists | Wishes | Posted 2009-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Likes to Stand Out on the Porch and Shake a Stick at Trespassers
Tour guide: Where is your group going next?
Tourist: The Vatican.
Tour guide: Oh? You are lucky, the Pope is not there.
Florence
Italy
Overheard by: Burlabo
Categories: Christianity | Employees | Italy | Questions | Tourists | Posted 2009-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So We Can Throw Stones, or What?
Slightly confused woman to tour guide of a greenhouse: So, why did they put all of these windows in here?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: um?
Categories: Employees | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Last Time I Messed Up the Order and Ruined the Whole Thing.
Wannabe thug, carrying Celtics flag: First I'm gonna get blood on it, and then ash!
Portsmouth, New Hampshire
Categories: New Hampshire | Threats | Thugs | Violence | Posted 2009-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though Every Drunken Brawl Is Like a Snowflake.
Female college student: My new thing is going to bed at a decent time when I have class in the morning.
20-something college dropout: My new thing is binge drinking every day. But I guess that's not really new.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: passing out at a decent hour
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Education | Overheard in Minneapolis | Students | Time Management | Posted 2009-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Sentiment Behind the Casting Of Every Boy Band, Ever.
Girl: He's like my brother... that I occasionally have an incestuous relationship with.
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Lisa Arthur
Categories: Compare and contrast | Family ties | Girls | New Zealand | Sex | Posted 2009-12-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Times Hard in the Islamic Republic Of North Carolina
Little girl to mother, passing brand new cherry red Porsche Carrera GT convertible: Mama, why is everyone looking at that car?
Mother: Because it's very special.
Little girl: Can I get one?
Mother: Only if you marry well, dear.
Durham, North Carolina
Then Why Haven't You Helped Me Win Any Grammys?
Female tween, following older brother swimming in restricted area: Mom, can I swim where Dave* is?
Mom: No! Swim back over to the shore.
Female tween, in nasal whine: Oh. Myyyyy. God!
Mom: Hey, I gave birth to you. I am your god!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: matt.
Categories: God | Moms | Offers and requests | Overheard in PDX | Parenting | Tweens | Posted 2009-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Know the Company Bylaws
Male Wal-Mart employee to female coworker: Come on, what's your problem? (smiles at her)
Female coworker: I can't smile. I work here.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: A. Lil
Categories: Coworkers | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2009-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Don't Jump Off That Building." "Stop Touching That Burner." Nag, Nag, Nag!
Woman to five-year-old daughter in elevator: You're getting off at the wrong floor, sweetie. This is the wrong floor... The wrong floor... The wrong floor! God, do you ever listen to me?
Five-year-old daughter: I'm trying not to.
Mackinac Island, Michigan
Overheard by: laughing
What About Those Three Other Kids?
Six-year-old girl: Are you doing your job?
Lifeguard: Are you drowning?
Six-year-old girl: No.
Lifeguard: Then I'm doing my job.
Kiddie Pool
Great Neck, New York
Ever Feel Like You Lost Your Virginity to the Wrong Guy?
Dirty hippie guy to dirty hippie girl: If your vagina's that sore, then just go home!
Dunegrass Music Fest
Empire, Michigan
Overheard by: So Confused
Now at Least Describe the Butts to Me, Winifred.
Old woman in wheelchair being driven around busy food court: I hate this place! All I can see are people's butts.
Old man behind her: So why are you having me cart you around the city in a wheelchair for?!
Mall
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: I saw her later stand up...
It'll Keep Your Mother-in-Law Amused for Hours
Woman: Well, they tie the sheep up to a stake and use it as bait.
Man: Really?
Woman: Yeah, just tie it on up and you're set...
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Bait for what?
Categories: Advice | Animals | California | Friends | Posted 2009-12-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
See Their "My Child Is an Honor Student at Bitchassfaggot Elementary" Sticker?
Grandma, after car cuts bus off: Bitchassfaggot.
Daughter: Mom!
Grandma: Well, that's what they are!
Public Transit
Minneapolis, Minnesota
It's Both My Greatest Joy and My Secret Shame
Babe: Don't look to me to be the voice of reason: I own roller skates!
Newtown
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: smu
Because They Just Laughed at Me When I Asked at Toys R' Us
Guy, walking up to greeter: You wouldn't happen to have any buttplugs, would you?
Target
Little Falls, New Jersey
Overheard by: harry bohemis
Categories: Ass | Clients | Employees | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Shopping | Stores | Posted 2009-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Same Way We Fail to Feel Bad for Cher
Coworker, on animal testing: I just can't feel bad for lab rats, cause they're man-made.
Friend: Seriously, dude.
Winter Park, Florida
Overheard by: Cassie
And I Wouldn't Stop and Smell the Roses, Either.
Old woman: It's like flowers were spitting out of my ass, so don't go telling me how bright and shiny your (makes finger quotes) "effing" life is!
Small Town
Nebraska
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Nebraska | Old folks | Sex | Posted 2009-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why McDonald's Employees Have Too Much Power in Their Personal Relationships
Chick on cell: There's withholding sex, and then there's withholding French fries.
Cleveland, Ohio
Categories: Chicks | Compare and contrast | Food | Ohio | On the phone | Sex | Posted 2009-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As the Terms Of the Game Go for the Black Guys Require.
Girl to friend, heading to bar: I'm going straight for the black guys!
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: StellaEllaOla
Categories: Canadia | Friends | Girls | Race | Relationships | Posted 2009-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Without a Booster Seat.
30-something: This is my first time sitting at a table!
North Adams, Massachusetts
Overheard by: little miss spy
Categories: Crazies | Massachusetts | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Worst. Walk Of Shame. Ever.
Dude: How did I get dog food in my screw hole?
Tucson, Arizona
Playing Boggle Again?
Gay goth kid: Diana Ross, what are you doing in my mouth?
Dunkin Donuts
Worcester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: hootinanny
Categories: About celebrities | Goths | Massachusetts | Mouth | Music | Queers | Questions | Stores | Posted 2009-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Can Always Use an Extra Set Of Eyes
Teen girl #1, drawing faces on napkins with sharpies: Look! I named this one Mr Toastpuff!
Teen girl #2: Wonderful.
Teen girl #1: He's my best friend!
Teen girl #2: You replaced me with a napkin?
Teen girl #1: Well, you replaced me with a potato!
Teen girl #2: True...
Birmingham, Alabama
Well, As Long As You've Thought This Through.
Woman #1: So you're going to name your son Jesus?
Woman #2: Why not? People name their kids "Messiah," and it means the same damn thing.
Alabama
Overheard by: Matthew Roberts
Unlike Vicks Vap-o-Rub. (Don't Ask.)
Guy, about hand sanitizer: You know that germ stuff? Well, I put it on my hands, then I put it on my butt cheeks, and it stung my butt cheeks!
Monterey, California
Categories: Ass | California | Cleanliness | Guys | Hands | Posted 2009-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But with a Better Sense Of Meter.
Student: I think that Eminem is like a modern-day Hamlet, you know?
Memorial University
Newfoundland
Canadia
Categories: About celebrities | Books | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Music | Students | Posted 2009-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Reader Survey: What's Going on Here?
Man, chasing girlfriend after party was busted: Bitch, where is my money? Bitch! Where is my money?
Girlfriend: You can't go to jail again, get in my trunk!
Bloomington, Indiana
That's a Map Of Narnia, Jessica.
Girl: Oh my god, can you help me find the Dominican Republic of the Congo on this map?
Westchester, New York
Categories: Geography | Girls | New York | Offers and requests | Stupidity | Posted 2009-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Divorce Mediation
Guy to girl wearing multi-colored cowboy scarf: You're like a rainbow bandit. It's like you're going to rob me... With niceness.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Categories: Compare and contrast | Crimes | Girls | Guys | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-12-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Be Fair, Is It Important to Know About Belgium?
Girl #1: What's the name of that city in Belgium where all the stuff happens?
Girl #2: Portugal?
Umea
Sweden
Overheard by: Johanna
When Their Tongues Touched, They Produced Amy Winehouse.
Girl, after kissing boy: You taste like smoke.
Boy: You taste like testicles.
Las Vegas, Navada
Overheard by: ScaredTourist
Categories: Balls | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Nevada | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On the Dollar Bill.
Bimbette, standing in front of George Washington's sarcophagus: Hold on! So, where is George Washington?
Mount Vernon, Virginia
Overheard by: Bemused
If You've Never Been Forced to Go to Bible Camp, You Can't Judge.
Woman to friend: And her therapist is saying she doesn't need any more therapy sessions. I mean, she was cutting herself at camp a only month ago!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: not appropriate in the hardware store
Categories: Friends | Mental illnesses | Overheard in Minneapolis | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-12-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Imagine It's a Lot Like Victory.
Little boy throwing fit: I've never had dessert in my life! I don't even know what it tastes like!
Outside Cookie Store
Kingsport, Tennessee
Categories: Food | Kids | Kids | Sensory experiences | Stores |