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November 2009 Archives
...Bong Hits All Around!
Professor: I have no idea how we got onto this discussion, class. Does anyone know what we're supposed to be talking about?
Class: (silence, then soft giggles from back of the room)
Professor: Well, we accomplished nothing today. But it's okay!, 'cause (raises his voice in excitement) I had fun!
Richland Center, Wisconsin
Overheard by: CollegeIsn'tSoBad
What Flavor? Soylent Green Tea? Rocky Rhoda?
Girl: Look, if I buy you an ice cream, will you stop talking about cannibalism?
Guy: Maybe.
Edinburgh
Scotland
Multiple Origami
Little girl: And then we had orgies.
Mother, very calmly: No honey, we had origami.
Florida
Once Again, She's So Lucky I'm Not a Bitch!
Teenage girl with bad haircut: Ugh, I so just want to punch Lauren* in the face... She's lucky I'm not a bitch.
Overweight teenage boy: I know!
Teenage girl with bad haircut: I mean, seriously, all the time from here it's all "blah blah blah, I got raped." So annoying!
Overweight teenage boy: I know!
Teenage girl with bad haircut: I'd understand if it was once in a while... but dude, she talks about it all the time!
Edmonton
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Lisa
Really More Of an Epcot Activity
Child eating skeleton fruit snacks: Mommy, look! I'm eating a boner!
Disney World
Florida
We Warned You About Drinking from the Open Bottles
NYU guy in audience during group skits: PBR doesn't taste as good on a Sunday morning as it did last night at the party.
NYU girl in audience during group skits: Yeah, I'm like, "someone might as well just piss in my mouth instead."
Rock Hill, New York
Overheard by: I think I'll still go with the PBR
Not the Worst Pick-Up Line We've Ever Heard...
Guy: If I bought a handgun I would name it "Lady Boner."
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Or Ham.
Frathole: The thing about being Jewish is that you don't have to believe in god.
UMass
Massachusetts
Overheard by: So proud of my degree
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Frat boy types | God | Massachusetts | Religion | Stupidity | Posted 2009-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Will Thailand Think Of Next?
Dude on phone: You have a post-coital gift shop?!
College Campus
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Gifts | Guys | On the phone | Questions | Sex | Shopping | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Gay Guys Just Criticize Your Outfit
Prof: Ladies, I'm just gonna give it to you straight: I guarantee you that almost every straight guy you see today is going to picture you naked.
Techie guy, fixing projector: Fuckin' A!
University of Calgary
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Education | Gender issues | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Depression's Always in Style in Virginia
Studious student: You know she would tell her students that she's far too sick to make it out to campus, and then curl up in a ball on her couch with a cup of tea so she can watch the rain fall and weep.
Virginia Commonwealth University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Feelings | Food | Health & Hygiene | Maladies | Students | Virginia | Weather | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Introducing Madame Toussaud's Naughtiest Exhibition Yet
Enthusiastic undergraduate to group of friends: I never knew you could do that with wax!
Oxford
England
Overheard by: Intrigued Grad Student
I'm Still Not Having Your Baby, Curtis
Large black male student to tiny white female student: Stretch marks are awesome! They make you look like a tiger! (makes tiger claw gesture) Raaar!
High School
Lincoln Park, Michigan
Overheard by: The teacher
Categories: Animals | Black people | Compare and contrast | Fat people | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Whiteys | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When You Have "Dick" in Your Name, You Have to Expect That.
Professor: When I was learning about Emily Dickinson in high school, I wasn't really paying attention. I was just wondering what she looked like without her clothes on.
Missouri
Wasn't This a Steven Spielberg Movie?
Lady on the bus: So I was 17 and pregnant! He was a Nazi extremist, but a very nice man. Very charming. I was rebellous (sic) as a teenager. Very rebellous. But now I'm old-fashioned, and I've got lots of morals.
Wellington
New Zealand
Overheard by: dominic
Categories: Age and ageing | Bus | Character | New Zealand | Politics | Pregnancy | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So, No-- I'd Just Cheat on You with One.
Girlfriend: Would you ever date a playboy bunny?
Boyfriend, after long pause: I feel like this is a trap.
UMass Dorm
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Animals | Couples | Massachusetts | Questions | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Moral: Never Ask Someone "Why Are You Walking Like That?"
Girl to friend: It's like karma in the butt, you know?
Friend: (pained expression on face, agreeing)
San Francisco, California
But She Didn't Use Their Blood As Paint This Time!
Sober girl: Look, all I'm saying is, I wouldn't fucking mess with her. She's clinically insane.
Drunk girl: But you know, I think she's really smart. There are those people, you know, that are so smart they're like actually crazy... Real mental, and we just think they're weird, but they're not! They have like, an IQ of 200!
Sober girl: You do realize that she drew pictures of her friends decapitated, right?
Wellington
New Zealand
Overheard by: Were they talking about the same person?
Categories: Character | Compare and contrast | Drunks | Girls | New Zealand | Questions | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Some Reason, It Rarely Happens the Other Way Around
College girl, surprised: You went on a blind date last night?
College boy: Yeah, she was nice. She's gonna be a nurse.
Sketchy friend: Dude, that's awesome! Y'know, nurses make the best porn stars.
Coffeeshop
Burlington, Vermont
Categories: Beauty | Frat boy types | Jobs & Careers | Porn | Questions | Relationships | Sorority types | Vermont | Posted 2009-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Worst. Magician. Ever.
Girl, paying for something: Oh. hang on, I have more money in my butt.
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Ass | Compare and contrast | Girls | Massachusetts | Money | Posted 2009-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Googled "Lesbian Triplets" and Got Distracted by Porn
College girl #1: So it turned out that he was one of the lesbian triplets!
College girl #2: No way!
College girl #1: Yeah, the tranny!
College girl #2: Owen? I love Owen! I knew him when he still identified as a girl!
College girl #1: Yeah, and it turned out the midget was trans too.
Hampshire College
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Feelings | Gender issues | Massachusetts | Sexuality | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Sort Of Like Reparations...
Black woman, chuckling gleefully at bad financial news on tv: Oh, some white folks gon' kill themselves now!
Medical Office Waiting Room
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: Ashleigh
Categories: Black people | Death & dying | Doctor's office | Race | TV shows | Virginia | Women | Posted 2009-11-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Day I Met Charlie Sheen
Dude to friends: So he had this towel spread out on the bed, and he popped a cherry in his mouth...
San Luis Obispo, California
Well What's Spanish for "Cornholing"?
Spanish teacher, teaching tenses: If your parents were away, what would you do?
Student: I would do Jeff!
(class laughs)
Student: No, I mean I would invite Jeff over!
Spanish teacher: That doesn't make it sound any better.
High School
Concord, North Carolina
Overheard by: Mary
Categories: Family ties | North Carolina | Parenting | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-11-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Wars Start: Encapsulated.
20-something woman #1: I have mixed feelings about this bar and grill.
20-something man: I hate this bar and grill.
20-something woman #2: I'm gonna burn down this bar and grill!
Las Vegas, Nevada
That Was the Good News. The Bad News Was, I'd Swallowed It.
Girl to friend: And then, all of a sudden, everything became totally clear. It was like the clouds parted and I just knew. I knew where my purse was.
Columbia, Missouri
But They Taste Like Country Crock
Nonchalant tween: My farts smell like I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!®
Moscow, Idaho
Overheard by: saturday morning
Categories: Burping & farting | Compare and contrast | Food | Idaho | Sensory experiences | Tweens | Posted 2009-11-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is He on First?
Girl #1: You know every time I see Tyler Perry I think about the white Tyler Perry.
Girl #2: That's Steven Perry from Aerosmith.
Girl #3: That's Steven Tyler.
Girl #1: Well, I'm talking about the Tyler Perry from Friends.
Girl #4: That's Mathew Perry!
Cancun
Mexico
Categories: About celebrities | Central America | Compare and contrast | Girls | Music | Names | TV shows | Posted 2009-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gotta Love Good Old-Fashioned Southern Courtship
Man in truck to woman in car: Hey there--you want a steak?
Woman: What? No.
Man: Even if it was in a box?
Woman: No, thanks, I'm cool.
Stoplight
Atlanta, Georgia
Nope-- Just My Virginity.
Girl to boy: I thought you lost your voice when you dropped your laptop?
Queens Park Community School
London
England
Categories: England | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Laptops | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2009-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Portrait Of the Foreign Policy Advisor As a Young Girl
Little girl: Ah, Mexican and Chinese food. Two great European tastes.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
That's What You Said About the Guy Who Was Blowing You Yesterday
Policewoman: I seen you beggin'. You don't know that guy, but he gave you money.
Hobo: Sweetness, sweetness, listen. That's my brother.
Policewoman: You have a white brother?
Hobo: My brother in Christ.
Urbana, Illinois
Categories: Cops | Family ties | Hobos | Illinois | Jesus | Money | Panhandling | Questions | Race | Posted 2009-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Great Motor Skills for a 1-Year-Old, Though.
Suit #1, referring to scar on suit #2's throat: What happened to you?
Suit #2: My daughter is batshit. What of it?
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Body parts | Colorado | Family ties | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Suits | Posted 2009-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Knock New York Apartments 'Til You've Tried Them
Girl: The toilet was in the living room.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: James
Categories: Girls | Massachusetts | Pee | Poop | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Criss Angel Makes a Tidy Profit at Parties
Drunk man at next table: Butterflies out the arse! And I wouldn't have bet 10 bucks on the sonofabitch!
Sushi Bar
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Sushi Enjoyer
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Insects | Insults | Louisiana | Money | Posted 2009-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hope I Get a Piece with Hair!
Chick #1: Do you want some peanut M&Ms?
Chick #2: No, thanks.
Chick #1: They touched my crotch.
Chick #2: In that case, sure!
High School Bus
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
When It's Time to Move to New York, I'll Be Ready, Baby!
Girl on cell: Well, I took your advice and I didn't smile at anyone today. I even scowled at a few!
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
Categories: Advice | Canadia | Girls | On the phone | Stupidity | Posted 2009-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What You Said at the Pyramids Of Giza
Tourist: It's like Times Square with less fat people!
Piccadilly Circus
London
England
Overheard by: Stuart
Categories: Compare and contrast | Diet & weight | England | Tourists | Posted 2009-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Could Just Steal the Boxed Set, Sweetie.
Teenage daughter: Mom, I have a plan for my future.
Mother: And what's that?
Teenage daughter: Save someone's life so they are indebted to me and will buy me the complete Twilight Zone boxed set.
Mother: Between this and your brother who I haven't seen in four days, I don't think I screwed up at all.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Moms | Parenting | Stupidity | TV shows | Teens | Posted 2009-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Real Story Behind "The Rachel"
Party guy: Hey, you cut your hair.
Party girl: I had to.
Party guy: Why?
Party girl: Well, you threw up on it!
Party guy: Who cares if I threw up on it?
Party girl: I do!
Party guy: Oh. (walks off)
Austin, Texas
Categories: Cleanliness | Girls | Guys | Hair | Health & Hygiene | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As Dear Abby Told You in That Column
Girl #1, throwing home pregnancy test into friend's basket: Here, I think you need this.
Girl #2, throwing box of condoms into friend's basket: Not as much as you need these, you slut.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Erica
Categories: Comebacks | Condoms | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Pregnancy | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As the Queen Said at Her Eulogy.
Teenage boy, about princess Diana: Dude, she was like Mother Teresa, just with better tits!
Palm Harbor
Florida
Overheard by: Jedtheavenger
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Florida | Rack | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2009-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sadly Wayne Brady Would Never Attain His Mother's Dream
White mother to white toddler son: You're going to be black by the time we leave!
Grand Sierra Resort Pool
Reno, Nevada
In the Immortal Words Of Khrushchev.
Chick giving presentation: Because this is Russia, bitch.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Please Don't Get Angrified.
Cashier: Sorry, your credit card has been declineded.
Woman: Declineded?
Cashier: Um... Yes, the credit card people declineded it. Like, ya know, it's been denieded.
South Florida
She's Canadian.
Hipster girl: Oh, look, there's a movie theata here too!
Hipster guy: Movie "theata"? Wow, you do have an accent... but your sister, she's really got an accent!
Hipster girl: Actually, she has a speech impediment.
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Compare and contrast | Family ties | Health & Hygiene | Hipsters | Language barrier | Massachusetts | Words | Posted 2009-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One Word About V-Neck Tees and I Will Slit Your Throat
Girl #1: Hey, let's go to The Gap, they have short pants there.
Girl #2, pissed off: Shut the fuck up! I hate you.
Mall
Northern New Jersey
The Country?
Girl #1: Remember that time you chased the porcupine?
Girl #2: Yeah. It was so cute, I just wanted to pet it.
Girl #1: And remember when you tried to run that bullfrog over?
Girl #2: That's because I don't like animals that aren't furry.
Girl #1: What about the porcupine? He's not furry.
Girl #2: But porcupines have feathers, so they count.
Girl #1: Porcupines don't have feathers.
Girl #2: Yes, they do.
Girl #1: They have quills.
Girl #2: Oh! When you were saying "porcupine" I thought you meant "turkey."
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
'Cause I'd Love to Have Promotional Footage for My Website
Girl #1: They're checking out your ass. Up you skirt.
Girl #2: Whatevs. (pause) Wait, do they have cameras?
Hotle Bar
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: arrc
Categories: Ass | Bars & Clubs | Clothes | Girls | Massachusetts | Questions | Technology | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Poor Charles Darwin
Intense guy, shouting: It's a fact! But I don't have any proof.
Kathmandu
Nepal
Unfortunately Mr. Trump's Hair Is Heavily Guarded
Girl to another: I mean, I want to touch it. I've always wanted to touch it.
Rancho Cucamonga, California
Overheard by: Katieee
Categories: California | Girls | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Bess Discovered Pinwheels, She Wanted to Tell the World
Loud guy on cell: A big colorful *what*?
UMaine
Orono, Maine
Overheard by: umm...
Categories: Guys | Maine | On the phone | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like a Tapir?
Cashier: I never noticed before, but you look like a meerkat.
Customer: Is that another Pokemon?
Yarmouth, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
Accurate, Yet Still Depressing.
Man: Chicago is not one of the 49 states.
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: Vanessa
Categories: Colorado | Geography | Guys | US Geography | Posted 2009-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Rappers Teach Geography
Girl to friends: Fuck Europe! I got Tanzania all up on my ass!
Atlanta, Georgia
Which, Coincidentally, Is Also K-Mart's Primary Demographic
Woman loading mini van outside K-Mart: I hate mini vans, the only people that need mini vans are old people, white people, crackheads, and people who need 'em.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Rebecca
That Dog from the Old Navy Commercials?
Mom to adult daughter: Now what you do is you pick an aisle to go down that you think has magic at the end of it.
Dutchess County, New York
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Let's Hope That's a New Metal Band
11-year-old: Haggis is awesome!
15-year-old: Damn straight! High five!
(they high five)
NSW
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compliments | Teens | Tweens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...When They Ask Why We Can't Have Lunch with Them?
Girl: So we're telling them genital warts, then?
Devon
England
Which, As We Both Know, Is More Than We Can Say for Dad.
Little girl to mom: But I am getting real good! Yesterday I didn't get any poop on my hand!
Public Restroom
Iceland
At the Hermaphroditic Contortionist Children's Support Group
Five-year-old girl, pointing at store window: Balls!
Young mom: That's right honey, those are balls, but you ate your balls, huh?
Five-year-old girl: I ate my balls!
Buffalo, New York
In the Sense That It's Propping Up My Coffee Table
DJ: And we'll be giving away a free DVD of diary of a mad black woman!
Drunk shirtless redneck, sincerely: Wooooooo! That's my movie! That's my movie!
Screen on the Green, Centennial Park
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Becca
Who Knew It Would Be Anthrax, Though?
Goth girl: Typical, I come to your party and end up wiping white stuff off my ass.
Withrow Park
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Alex
Elena's the Most Creative Pimp in Canadia
Oldish Ukrainian woman: How you have babies with hips like this? How you do this? So skinny. Tsk, tsk.
Skinny chick: Huh?
Oldish Ukrainian woman: Here, eat my husband's sausage. He fill you up. Eat! Eat!
Edmonton
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: not so skinny
I Knew This "Ellen" Haircut Was a Mistake
Two-year-old: Mommy!
Tired teen girl: I'm not your mommy.
Two-year-old: Daddy?
Preschool
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Posted 2009-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Even Though It Sounds Like It Could Be a Muslim Name.
Flight attendant: Just for future reference, when flying into O'Hare, Xanax is your friend.
O'Hare Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: NeededSome
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Flight attendants | Health & Hygiene | Illinois | Public Transportation | Posted 2009-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Happily, Her Default Assumption Is Cancun.
Confused lady on PA: Ladies and gentleman, flight 250... Wait, where am I?
Airport
Salt Lake City, Utah
Categories: Airports & flights | Employees | Public Transportation | Questions | Utah | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Cardiac Arrest Is Just Your Body Saying "Thank You"
Woman in nurse scrubs: It's like my brother says, "bread is merely a vehicle for butter to enter the body".
Italian Restaurant
Toms River, New Jersey
Categories: Food | New Jersey | Nurses | Restaurants | Science | Posted 2009-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And She Didn't Even Know Its Name
Guy to others: I heard she once open-mouth kissed a horse.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: walking down the hall.
Categories: Animals | Gossip | Guys | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Overheard in Minneapolis | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because I Buy You Drinks?
Girl: Dude, she digs you, why don't you ask her out?
Guy: She's fat.
Girl: You are so fucking pretentious and shallow.
Guy: I'm okay with that. It means I only fuck hotties.
Girl: We fucked, does that mean you think I'm a hottie?
Guy: No, that just means I was drunk and you were willing.
Girl: Why am I friends with you?
Guy: I have no idea.
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Beauty | Colorado | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Guys | Insults | Sex | Posted 2009-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ah Yes, Spanish-- The Language Of Pretention.
Worker #1: So he told me to put my zapatos on!
Worker #2: Zapatos? What the fuck is that?
Worker #1: Apparently it's Spanish for "shoes." I mean, how pretentious!
Worker #3: What is it with Americans? Like 99% of Americans speak Spanish. It's not like they're anywhere near Spain!
Worker #2: Hang on, why weren't you wearing any shoes?
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Not-American
So It's Likely He's Very Drunk.
Little girl: He's drunk, I swear!
Teenage sister: He's not drunk, he's a foreigner.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Colorado | Drinking & drunks | Kids | Kids | Language barrier | Siblings | Teens | Posted 2009-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Ironic, Since I'm Only Thirteen.
Girl: I would fuck the diction out of Chris Hansen.
New Hampshire
Overheard by: Amanda
Categories: About celebrities | Girls | Gripes | Insults | New Hampshire | Posted 2009-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least I'll Make Some Money Off the Video
Girl on phone: So I walked in on my flatmate using my electric toothbrush to... yeah, doing that. And here I am, still brushing my teeth with it. That is just disgusting. Disgusting!
Cape Town
South Africa
Categories: Africa | Body parts | Cleanliness | Girls | Health & Hygiene | On the phone | Technology | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now I'm Not Saying You're Killing Them, Mr. Luciano...
Man in black suit on cell: Why don't you get a statement from one of the other witnesses... if they are still alive.
Courthouse
Austin, Texas
Categories: Crimes | Death & dying | On the phone | Suits | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to Paris Hilton's Guide to Science
Woman: My legs are burning. But only because I'm putting more pressure on the gravity.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Categories: Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Science | Sensory experiences | Washington | Women | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As All the Tour Books Will Tell You.
Guy on cell: If you're serious about jumping, you go to the Golden Gate Bridge. If you're really not, go to the Bay Bridge.
San Mateo, California
Overheard by: Technetium
Categories: Advice | California | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Guys | On the phone | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah Right, Miss "Happiness Is an Inside Job"
Stylish girl: I could never be happy with him. All he does is speak in cliches. Who could be happy with someone like that?
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: MaggieB
Categories: California | Girls | Happiness | Questions | Relationships | Words | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess Everything Really Is Bigger in Texas
New Yorker, trying to get through a crowd of people blocking aisle: Excuse me. Excuse me! Excuse me!
Confused little boy: I already moved.
New Yorker: Oh, I know you have, dear. I was talking to your fat-ass mother.
Grocery Store
Austin, Texas
Categories: Ass | Assholes | Diet & weight | Family ties | Insults | Kids | Kids | Moms | Stores | Texas | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Had Two Cups Of Earl Grey This Morning!
Student: How can you tell that it's "the walls have ears" and not "the ears have walls"? I mean, I guess that would make sense if you were drugged up...
Professor: Are you implying that I'm not drugged up?
Latin Class
Denver, Colorado
Or Gave Me Religious Pamphlets. I Forget.
20-something girl: Do you remember that guy last night?
Friend: Oh, him? Yeah, I think he motor-boated me.
Canisius College
Buffalo, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | Girls | New York | Questions | Rack | Sensory experiences | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Homie Also Has a Hard Time on Armed Forces Career Day
Flamboyant, very white math teacher: Alright, we have a test on Tuuuuseday, which is also, guess what, the blood drive! So don't donate blood before the test and please, please, do not donate blood during the test. You'll be writing with one arm and bleeding with the other, and then you'll get paler and paler... and keel over and die. Homie can't fly that. Homie can't.
Math Classroom
Hawaii
Categories: Body parts | Death & dying | Education | Hawaii | Health & Hygiene | Students | Teachers | Whiteys | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Gonna Love Detroit, Sir
Social worker talking to hobo: What can I get for you, sir?
Hobo: How about a 9 mm semi-automatic gun?
Social worker: Well, I can't do that, but do you need bus tickets? Where are you going?
Hobo: Hell.
Social worker: Okay, I'll get those bus tickets then.
Hobo: Your hair's much nicer than mine.
Hospital
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: yooo
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Employees | Evil | Hair | Hobos | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Parents Are Native American. What's It to You?
Drunk guy, walking into bathroom: Hey, you are at my pisser!
Sober guy at urinal: I didn't realize your name was "push to flush."
Bar
Michigan
Overheard by: I wasn't looking
How Far Will This Bus Token Get Me?
Old lady to female bus driver: I need to get laid.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: exactly
Categories: Bus | Bus drivers | Old folks | Oregon | Public Transportation | Sex | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And She Raised Them As Her Own.
Staff man: Yeah, she was freaking out. But the mouse had some babies before it passed...
Warped Tour
Columbia, Maryland
Um, the One Where They Talk?
Teen girl #1: Do you think they have those other elephants here? You know, the old hairy ones?
Teen girl #2: Mammoths? No, I don't think they do. Aren't they extinct?
Teen girl #1: No, I'm pretty sure they have them at the Werribee zoo. Well, they were on that cartoon, with all the ice.
Zoo
Australia
Overheard by: Brydee
They Have a Ring on Them for Every Guy I've Slept with
Girl to man: You think I'm a virgin? Take a look at these titties and then tell me I'm a virgin!
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Maggie
The Two Major Facets Of Life at the Playboy Mansion
Pissed-off teen: You can't get a bowl of salad but you can wash the dog naked?
Harrison, Michigan
Overheard by: Lauren
Categories: Animals | Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Food | Michigan | Questions | Teens | Posted 2009-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, My Vulva Gets Excellent Mileage!
Girl: What are you?
White pants: Jay Gatsby, old sport.
Girl: You know you're not supposed to wear white after Labor Day.
White pants: I can make out the bulk of your vulva at the moment, I believe it would be behoove me to consult someone else with regards to taste.
Halloween Party
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Dr Doctor
Tonight, on The Little Girls Next Door...
Little boy walking with two little girls: I think we should all hold hands. I think that I should be in the middle so you can both hold my hand.
Keene, New Hampshire
Categories: Hands | Kids | Kids | New Hampshire | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Heard You Play Cello.
Asian kid: Damn, I can't do math.
Non-Asian kid: Somehow I doubt that.
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Jesse
To Be Fair, She Says the Same Thing About Their Shower at Home
Five-year-old girl, about fountain in outside eating area: Oh! High drama!
Bellevue, Nebraska
Overheard by: Cortny
It's Hard to Be Fast When You're Really Husky
Chick, seriously: Corn's one of them slow motherfuckers.
Friend, upset: Whores.
Aurora, Colorado
Overheard by: Leevee
Categories: Chicks | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Friends | Insults | Posted 2009-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We All Love the No-Hands Rule, Sir
Soccer coach: I love Fiji water.
Assistant: It's silky smooth.
Soccer coach: It's never been touched by human hands until it touches my lips.
Texas
That Would Be a Great Name for a Stripper.
Guy on phone: It's not just all about marzipan!
London
England
Overheard by: K
Categories: England | Food | Guys | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Really Get a Little Something Extra When You Go Away to School in San Francisco
Professor: It's hard to have an orgy without orgasms. What? It's true! What're you gonna do, play video games?
University of San Francisco
San Francisco, California
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Games | Orgasm | Questions | San Francisco | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2009-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All Those Slip-and-Fall Accidents Are Smitings
Religion teacher to class of girls: And remember girls, always wear a bikini in the shower, because god is always watching you.
Dublin
Ireland
Now Squint, Damn Your Eyes!
History professor: You know how I said that this class wouldn't have a lot of text-heavy PowerPoint slides? Sometimes I lie to you, because that's funny.
Community College
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Overheard by: i love this school
Check Your Calendar and Get Back to Me
Woman to husband: Can you run me over on Saturday?
Train
Sydney
Australia
I Promise the Social Worker Isn't Watching
Oblivious 12-year-old in pool, surrounded by floaty toys: Hey, hold my noodle while I mount this whale.
Victoria
Canadia
Everyone Deserves at Least One Brush with Greatness
Woman, searching through bargain bin: Do you want this? This woman taught at Bennington!
Girl: Dude, that's old! She teaches at my school now. Her son was in my class. His lab puppy shat on dreadlock, girl!
Borders
Mansfield, Massachusetts
Categories: Animals | Education | Girls | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Poop | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Many Girls Are Fascists, but Don't Know It
Girl #1: My dream is to have a harem of guys that I can make dress up like the pale man from Pan's Labyrinth.
Girl #2: Why the hell would you do that?
Girl #1: Because it would be awesome and scary. I just want to see a bunch of people running away from me and my harem.
Mount Holyoke College
South Hadley, Massachusetts
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Fears | Girls | Massachusetts | Movies | Questions | Relationships | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Think Of Purgatory As a Drive-Through Soul Wash
Professor: So, basically god has to suppress the gag reflex when he looks at you; but it's okay because he loves you anyway.
University of Akron
Akron, Ohio
Overheard by: Rebecca
Um, of State Security?
Art student: He told me he really relates to my organs.
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Feelings | Relationships | Students | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wish I Was a Sociopath Like My Dad
Drunk guy to girlfriend: I care about you a lot. It sucks.
Park Tavern
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Insults | New Jersey | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least, He Said It Was Mayonnaise
Girl on cell: Yeah, last semester the professor had this obsession with mayonnaise. It was freaking everyone out.
College of Charleston
Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: Tori
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Food | Girls | On the phone | South Carolina | Posted 2009-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Know the Old Saying: "Where There's Mexicans..."
Girl: I wonder why there are so many Japanese restaurants around here?
Guy: Probably because there are a lot of Mexican people living in this town.
Very Little Town
North Carolina
That's the Last Time I'll Pick Up a Harvard Guy
Guy with sunglasses on cell: So I went back to the apartment today and he was passed out again! (pause) Yeah, dude, I think he smoked a bowl on my bed and then seized a few times...
B Train
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Drugs | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | On the phone | Train | Posted 2009-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Why I Had You Guys Do Those Practice Drills Earlier
Volunteer director to group of teenage volunteers: Now, ya gotta be careful or the tractor tires will catch on fire.
Teenage volunteers: (incredulous laughter)
Volunteer director: No, seriously! Last year they caught on fire and I totally had to pee on them!
Sonoma County, California
Overheard by: where was I last year?!
It's Easier to Write the Paper Than Its Outline
Student, about assignment she's written: It's supposed to be (emphasizes with hands) that, that, then that, then that! But it's all blah blah blah blah! You know?
Friend: Is you introduction all dot, dot, dot at least?
Student: Yeah.
University of South Australia
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: fellow stressed out uni student
Well, When the Penis Is Erect and the Vagina Is Lubricated...
Gangsta guy: So Brenda had sex with her cousin, but didn't know it was her cousin.
Woman: How do you do that?!
DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Illinois | Questions | Sex | Thugs | Women | Posted 2009-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oooh, Imagine How Sweaty Her Hand Got!
Weird guy: Did you guys have fun last night?
Weirder guy: Oh, yeah. She jerked me off. But I'm allergic to latex, so she used neoprene gloves from the lab where she works.
Weird guy: Niiiice.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: That sounds so unpleasant.
Categories: Crazies | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Maladies | Masturbation | Questions | San Francisco | Technology | Posted 2009-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Last Time I'll Give Her Something for Safekeeping
Bro to friend: Well, that's in your sister's vagina, so I don't know how you feel about that.
High School
Illinois
Overheard by: Chloe
Categories: Family ties | Feelings | Friends | Illinois | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Vagina | Posted 2009-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Altar Boys Know What I'm Talking About
English professor: I know what you're thinking. Two pages! I can write that with half a bottle of whiskey in me and my hands tied behind my back!
Cardinal Stritch University
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Whiter? Is That Possible?
Girl: It's like Everybody Loves Raymond, but with white people.
Columbia, Maryland
Overheard by: Liz
Categories: Compare and contrast | Girls | Maryland | Race | TV shows | Posted 2009-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did You Get Its Consent First?
Conductor, over speaker: Stop touching the train. Yes. You. I can see you on the security cameras.
Sutherland Train Station
Australia
Categories: Australia | Conductors | Public Transportation | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Stories Are Too Disturbing, Even for Trained Shrinks
Burly guy: When I saw Titanic six times, I sat right in the front.
Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
When You're Greeting a Female Dignitary, for Instance
Nerdy college guy #1: "Bitch" does have a negative connotation.
Nerdy college guy #2: But girls say it to each other, it's like the "n" word!
Nerdy college guy #3: And it can be used as a greeting! "Yo, bitch, what's shakin'?"
USF
Florida
Overheard by: SB
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Florida | Insults | Students | Words | Posted 2009-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Let's Relax with Some Margaritas.
Russian professor: Grammarlicious definition makes them "gringo locos." (pause) Now that you've all been permanently scarred...
Arizona State University
Categories: Arizona | Colleges & Universities | Education | Language barrier | Teachers | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Is He to Say I Can't Be a Lesbian?
Three-year-old to parents: Jesus is mean.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Pets Being the Obvious Exception
British individual rights professor: States can't go around cutting people's bollocks off because they've been naughty.
Law Class
St. Louis, Missouri
Yesterday When I Hugged Her, She Crumbled a Little
Cute guy: Dude, I have to break up with her.
Friend: Yeah, why?
Cute guy: Cause every time I look at her, I think how nice it would be to have a girlfriend who didn't look like she was born in 100,000 BC.
Friend: Woah, that's harsh. But I see what you're saying.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Age and ageing | Friends | Guys | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Many People Feel That Way About Courtney Love
40-something female suit to friends: I just wanted to cover her in Lysol!
San Jose, California
Overheard by: Wondering what the rest of the conversation was...
Categories: California | Cleanliness | Friends | Suits | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As We Learned at the Scientology Convention
Dude: Well, maybe pickles are proto-zombies!
Burlington, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Categories: Food | Guys | Massachusetts | Weirdness | Zombies | Posted 2009-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Am So Not Interested in Your Personal Hygiene
Teenage girl: I want to stop keeping it in my pants.
Effeminate teenage guy: No! Keep the stuff in your pants... in your pants!
Teenage girl: Yeah, it needs washing anyways.
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Cleanliness | Clothes | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Leave Ethan Hawke Alone.
Guy to another: Why's he bother to wash his clothes, anyway, if he smells that bad and doesn't bother to bathe?
Laundromat
Catskill, New York
Overheard by: Amie
Categories: Bathing | Cleanliness | Clothes | Gossip | Guys | New York | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What You Said About Menstruation!
Professor: How does a microwave work?
Student: Electromagnetic waves.
Professor: Oh, "electromagnetic waves"! That's a fancy way of saying "magic."
University of Delaware
Overheard by: Magician
...Whatever Your Name Is.
Very pregnant woman: I don't want to have this baby. I don't want to have to work all of this weight off.
Man: I think I should keep you pregnant. This is the least worst you've ever looked.
Hasting's
Wichita Falls, Texas
Overheard by: mikeface
Categories: Beauty | Birthing | Compare and contrast | Diet & weight | Guys | Preggers | Texas | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's All Fun and Games 'til Somebody Pokes a Baby Out
Loud eighth grader: Michael's such a douche, all he wants to do is get in my pants.
Even louder teacher: You're in eighth grade, you shouldn't be letting anybody in your pants!
Potomac, Maryland
Overheard by: Math is my new favorite subject...
My Favorite Being at My Wedding
Drummer: Well, that wasn't my first time being on fire but it was my favorite time being on fire.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Guys | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tell Their Pimp What You're Into, and Find Out.
Guy in jumper: What do hermit crabs actually do?
Pet Shop
Australia
Overheard by: Stunned
You'd Prefer They Were Six Breasts All from the Same Chicken?
Bagger to cashier: There's something mildly strange about a package that contains breasts... from different chickens.
Whole Foods
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: They were thighs actually, but I see your point.
Why Show and Tell Is Discouraged After Elementary School
Short girl: I studied the wrong vagina!
Curlie: Me too, but I studied the right penis.
Chem teacher: Uh...
Onteora, New York
Audrina from The Hills: Explained.
Woman #1, washing hands: What happened to your chin?
Woman #2: Oh! Uh, Justin head-butted me.
Woman #1: He what?
Woman #2: Oh, well, not like on purpose or anything, just, like, while we were messing around, or whatever.
Woman #1: Mmmmm...
Woman #2: Yeah, I was in like a bad accident when I was a kid so my face doesn't take blunt force trauma very well since then.
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Body parts | New York | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Almost As Rude As Answering Your Cell Phone in Class
Pol-sci professor: Nuking other countries is kind of rude.
University of Memphis
Memphis, Tennessee
Just Trying to Make Learning Fun.
Girl, frustrated: Because every time I try to study, you yell "sausage" at me!
Bristol, Vermont
Every Day's a Roll Of the Polyhedral Dice
12-year-old boy: You see?! Dungeons & Dragons applies to real life!
Calgary
Canadia
Overheard by: cubicle slave
It's in the Microwave
20-something chick on mobile: How many times do I have to tell you? There is no cocaine in my fridge!
University
Queensland
Australia
Overheard by: how many times
Categories: Australia | Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Drugs | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The R&B Hit That's Sweeping Wisconsin
Man in crowd of bar patrons leaving after last call, singing: It's ti-ime for the pizza store, it's ti-ime for the pizza store... I don't even care where we go, I just got to get some cheese on my dick. I'm just gonna stick it in. I'm serious, let's go, get that in an oven and roast it. Let's get it in an oven... and roast it like a cherry tomato.
Madison, Wisconsin
Your Friends Say It All the Time.
Little girl, singing: You got a fat butt, you got a fat butt!
Mother: Now sweetie, that's not nice to say about mommy.
Little boy: But its true!
Dressing Room
Union, New Jersey
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Ass | Assholes | Comebacks | Diet & weight | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2009-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Something Grave, Anyway.
Catechism teacher: Where's Eric today?
Eric's friend: Eric's at the hospital with his mom.
Catechism teacher, concerned: Why?
Eric's friend: Cuz she has a tombstone, or something like that.
Rochester Hills, Michigan
Overheard by: Betsy
I Have Nude Pictures in Catalogs.
Man: She said that? She has nude pictures on the internet! How can you compare me to her?
Emergency Room
Westchester, New York
Is It Too Late to Start Over?
Customer: Do you sell Elastoplast?
Shop lady: What?
Customer: Do you sell Elastoplast?
Shop lady oh, I thought you said something about "the last of the Apaches."
Customer: That film was called The Last of the Mohicans.
Shop lady: What film?
Glasgow
Scotland
Overheard by: somedaftlassie
Government Job?
Woman on cell: Yeah, I'm on my way to work. I gotta stop for cigarettes and a cocktail.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: aaron
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Jobs & Careers | On the phone | Overheard in PDX | Smoking | Women | Posted 2009-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How International Incidents Begin
Gate attendant over PA: This is the final boarding call for Singapore Airlines flight 123.
(announcement is repeated several times over there)
Different voice, over pa: Singapore airlines, could you please not make so many announcements?
Airport
San Francisco, California
Categories: Airports & flights | Employees | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | San Francisco | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Today's Young Woman Is Proud to Display Everything She's Got
Library worker girl: That's a cute bag.
Library worker girl with clear purse: Thanks!
Boss man: But then everyone can see everything you have!
Library worker girl with clear purse: It's not like I got a gun or anything... I can always hide things between the books...
Library worker girl: Like your gun?
Kent State University Library
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Books | Bosses | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Coworkers | Fashion | Ohio | Questions | Violence | Posted 2009-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Were Conceived Right Here in Aisle Four
Father to three-year-old daughter, after she took her shirt off: Just like your mother.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: is that how you met her?
Categories: Clothes | Compare and contrast | Dads | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Making Your Eyes Glow This Minute, Missy!
Three-year-old daughter, passing Catholic church: Dead people live there.
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Joe Oxford
Categories: Arizona | Death & dying | Kids | Kids | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who's Black and White and Back from the Dead All Over?
Black girl, holding up picture she drew of black Jesus: My hero is Jesus Christ.
White kid: Jesus isn't black.
Black girl: Yes, he is!
White kid: No, he's white!
Uncomfortable teacher: Now, now, let's just say Jesus is all colors!
Art Class, Middle School
Maryland
Categories: Black people | Education | Jesus | Maryland | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Whiteys | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did He Ever Think That Some Of Us Wanted to Be Left Behind?
Five-year-old little boy to grandmother: If I ever meet George Bush, I'm going to kick him in the balls.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: trying not to laugh parent
Categories: Balls | Family | Glad the condom broke | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Politics | Threats | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Does China Have All the Time?
Drunk gamer #1, about Warhawk: Those Japanese were amazing!
Drunk gamer #2: But you know, in Japan there's so many people, and so much time.
Boulder, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Drunks | Games | Stupidity | Time Management | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Educated American Should See Bringing Up Baby
Girl #1: Oh my god! You sounded so much like Katharine Hepburn just then!
Girl #2: I sounded like who?
Girl #1: Well, never mind, you stopped doing it. Bitch.
Couch Dorm
University of Oklahoma
Categories: About celebrities | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Insults | Oklahoma | Questions | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ask Any Woman
Crazy guy: The moon will have its revenge.
Los Angeles, California
We Should Schedule a Stroll Around the Grounds
Very elegantly dressed man: I'm trying to remember if I've ever mowed a lawn... No, I don't think I have.
Very elegantly dressed woman: Hang on, do we even have a lawn?
Very elegantly dressed man: Of course we do.
Very elegantly dressed woman: Oh, I remember now. We have a lot of lawn.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: MaggieB
Categories: California | Guys | Memory lane | Questions | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If They Nag, You Can Shoot 'em
Clerk: I love women. The only thing prettier than a woman is a deer.
Post Office
South Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Sweenan A. Mornstuy
Categories: Animals | Beauty | Compare and contrast | Employees | Gender issues | Post offices | Vermont | Posted 2009-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Breakfast Is the Most Important Meal Of the Day
Girl on cell: So he was like, "I was thinking about going to Austin, because Brian's there." and I was like, "Fuck Brian. I make better waffles."
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Food | Girls | Insults | Massachusetts | On the phone | Posted 2009-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did They All Eat at Red Lobster Before They Died?
Father to 20-something daughter: One of these days we are going to have to take you on a trip and show you where everyone in the family is buried.
Daughter, dryly: That would be a lively trip.
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: It would be a trip to die for
Categories: Dads | Death & dying | Family ties | Girls | Utah | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Is That Always Your Question?
College girl: I really want to go as Superman!
Friend: You aren't going to stuff your crotch, are you?
Melbourne University
Australia
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Friends | Pop culture | Sorority types | Vagina | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Professors Rarely Ask Students to Introduce Themselves on the First Day Of Class Anymore
Nerd: I don't know about you, but I have trouble being romantic when I'm sweating to death.
Community College
Illinois
Overheard by: adderall driven
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Feelings | Illinois | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Happy to Help, Dear Reader
Girl: Dude, Wikipedia "Rasputin" and ctrl+f "penis."
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Your Assignment: Imagine Some Backstory Which Makes That Okay to Say
Guy: Hey, where are you going?
Girl: To the library, to do some work.
Guy: Oh, I don't care, but that's cool. (walks away)
Oroville, California
Categories: California | Girls | Guys | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Her Weight Gain Cowed the Electorate Into Submission
Mom to five-year-old: I don't like Oprah Winfrey, because it's her fault Obama is President.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: David Leech
Which Kardashian Is Which? Show Your Work.
Girl #1: Oh my god! Look at the little toddler snowsuits!
Girl #2: Will one of you please get knocked up?
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Girls | Kids | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Pregnancy | Posted 2009-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Let Me Hear the Rest Of That
Jailbait to friends: I just hate being handled, you know?
Giggly friend: Ew!
Jailbait: No, I mean, like... (trails off)
Construction worker, softly, to himself: Oh please, god...
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: do not want
A Delight to Hear, but Generally Incomprehensible
Woman: Ireland was amazing!
Man: Do they have accents there?
Woman: Yes.
Man: Like British accents?
Woman: Like Irish accents.
Man: They have those?
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
And Never Underestimate Their Surgical Dexterity
Pilot #1: He flew to Myrtle Beach to meet some girl he met online. We were expecting to find him naked in a bathtub full of ice missing a kidney.
Flight attendant: Who would want his kidney? He's so short!
Pilot #2: Hey, kids need kidneys too! Little kids!
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Flight attendants | Georgia | Health & Hygiene | Internet | Kids | Pilots | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Just Slip Into Something More Comfortable
Evolution professor: So why can't humans have more then just two sexes? Man, that'd be a lot of fun, wouldn't it?
Class: (uncontrollable laughter)
Evolution professor: Oh, I can see. (pause) I shouldn't have said anything, let's continue...
UC
Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: I'm glad he said it
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Education | Gender issues | Questions | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Frightening Because the Photograph Is Screaming
Girl, nodding to human mess across the way: Is that girl burning holes into a photograph with a cigarette?
Guy: That is frighteningly erotic.
University of South Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Florida | Girls | Guys | Questions | Sensory experiences | Sex | Smoking | Weirdness | Posted 2009-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does Licking Count?
Girl in grocery store: Do you eat muffins?
Guy: What?
Girl: Do you eat muffins?
Guy: Is that a trick question?
Athens, Georgia
That Faux-Posh Accent Never Fooled Me
Old lady #1: I've never liked her!
Old lady #2: She was a shit at school, and she's a shit now.
West Midlands
England
Some Quotes Leave Your Editors Wanting to Hear Less
Girl to group: You guys! Everyone who has not had this fetus in their rectum is still a virgin!
Sarah Lawrence College
Bronxville, New York