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October 2009 Archives
She's Worried I'll Don Their Gay Apparel
Teenage scene girl: I'm going to American Apparel to apply for a job.
Friend: Do you think you'll get the job?
Teenage scene girl: Yeah, but I don't think my mom will let me.
Friend: Why?
Teenage scene girl: There are lesbians there.
McDonald's
Manhattan, New York
Categories: Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | McDonald's | New York | Parenting | Questions | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In My Defense, I Only Cheated on Her with Non-Humans.
Private: I've been married to her for four years and only cheated on her for two. I don't see why she would wanna split.
Ft. Gordon, Georgia
Categories: Georgia | Infidelity | Military | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Type Of Question That Should Be on the SATs
Teenage boy to school friend: Dude, why would you buy a pocket vagina and not use it?
High School
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Murray
Categories: Connecticut | Friends | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Shopping | Teens | Toys | Vagina | Posted 2009-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...How Were Your Midterms?
20-year-old guy to his friend: So then I finally find my laptop in the dumpster, covered in semen, so that's how that went.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Vanessa Duguay
That's Also Sad, but for Different Reasons
Girl #1: It so sad that racism is still a problem in Canada.
Girl #2: I know what you mean, the other day my mother-in-law went to a variety store, and she, like, couldn't get served in English.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Sad York Student
Categories: Canadia | Family ties | Girls | Language barrier | Race | Shopping | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Worry - I Left My Pocket Knife at Home.
Three-year-old boy to mom, noticing police officers nearby: Don't do anything bad while you're here. Okay, mom?
Mom: Okay.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: an amused barista.
Categories: Crimes | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Parenting | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Hot Salesgirl
Whiny man: I don't even know how to read. Why are we here?
Borders
California
Is There an Appropriate One?
Crazy lady yelling at bus stop sign: I wish someone would rape me in an inappropriate way!
Chicago, Illinois
Adam and Eve Were Initially Quite Confused About Sex
Girl to friend: Yes, but he can't pick it off an apple tree that comes out of my vag.
Dorm
Washington, DC
...And Then Grade Him Candidly on a Scale from 1 to 10.
Girl #1: Honesty is the best policy.
Girl #2: Yeah, just sleep with the guy!
Barrack Heights
Australia
Overheard by: I think we might differ on our definitions of
...Here Comes Another One
Teen girl: This skirt is so short! My legs are freezing!
Teen boy: Mine are fine.
Teen girl: That's because of your intense orgasms.
Teen boy: True.
Starbucks
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Sweenan A. Mornstuy
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Clothes | Clothing | Compare and contrast | Orgasm | Teens | Vermont | Posted 2009-10-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Plastic Knives Tend to Hurt
Girl, crying or laughing: I just can't believe you love me; I have shown up on your doorstep so fucking wasted.
Guy: Baby, you found a plastic fork in your panties! It's okay! Anyway, it was not one of your better nights.
Girl: Actually, it was one of my better nights.
Mission District
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Judylicious
Categories: Clothes | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Girls | Guys | San Francisco | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Just Sings Instead Of Talking
Female student to friend at bus stop: So, he was, like, freakishly quiet, but every now and then he would bust out with something that, you know, we would say, you know, like, (bursts into song) "Do you like waffles? Yeah, I like waffles!" (in normal voice) And, you know, I would be, like, "Woah! He is a real person."
University of Oklahoma
Overheard by: becauseobviouslyallnormalpeoplelikewaffles
Pita Chips Have Thrown Canadia Into Confusion
Brunette girl: I love whole wheat nachos.
Blonde girl: They should make whole wheat potato chips.
(silence)
Brunette girl: Ohmigod! You're serious? There is no such thing as a whole wheat potato! (laughter)
Blonde girl: Wow! I am really not that dumb.
Nova Scotia
Canadia
Overheard by: nicole
Mr. Cheney's Office Failed to Return Our Calls
Student: I think the result of this case means that people are worried that government officials can be held just as accountable as normal citizens.
Law School
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: MaggieB
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Politics | Students | Posted 2009-10-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because You Ate Them?
Man beside pen with goat: I am not paying that much for that! I am not buying your goat!
Goatkeeper: Nobody's buying the goat.
Man beside pen with goat: That's it, I'm taking the goat!
Goatkeeper: Nobody's taking the goat, we're not selling the goat!
Large passerby: There are no goats in Cameroon.
Toronto
Canadia
When Did Bennington Drop the Lesbianism Requirement?
Girl: So my jaw hurts really bad, right here. (points)
Boy: Maybe you stop sucking so much dick.
Girl, thinking for a second: Many dicks.
Bennington College
Vermont
So No One Will Even See Your Hooker Shoes
Mother to sixteen year-old in booty shorts and Uggs: You can be a geisha girl! It goes all the way down to the floor!
Halloween Store
New Jersey
...Even When He Shouted Out My Name As He Was Finishing.
Guy: Well, I mean the sun was coming up, and we went and got sandwiches afterwards, and rolled another joint.
Bemused girl: All this is setting the scene nicely, but it doesn't explain how you ended up masturbating on a school roof together.
Guy: We were twenty feet apart with our backs to each other, it wasn't gay or anything!
Cork
Ireland
The Five-Second Rule Absolutely Applies to Boobs
Girl on birth control: I think my boobs grew!
Friend, grabbing her boob: Really?!
Girl's boyfriend, slapping friend's hand away: Hey, hey, too long!
Jersey City, New Jersey
..."The Lord" to You Christians and Jews
Teacher, lecturing on post WWII German artwork: Creepy sneaky guy is watching you!
History Class
Eugene, Oregon
Pregnancy? Absofuckinglutely.
Student: The form told me that there's a 2% chance that it will happen to me, but if it does happen to me, there's a 100% chance that it will happen to me.
UCLA, California
Overheard by: MaggieB
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Science | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
....Ooo, Chocolate Pudding!
Large chick in group of students: I like science, music, dance, and you know what else I like? Anal.
Community College
Virginia
Categories: Backdoor | Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Dancing | Fat people | Music | Science | Students | Virginia | Posted 2009-10-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Science à L'Orange
Professor #1: There are other people here who put stuff up ducks' butts.
Professor #2: Yeah, but you do it for science!
Fairbanks, Alaska
Overheard by: Lowlie Worm
...And Bring Out the Visual Aids.
Student, about the economy: Well, what if I just took my big stick and made them give me their resources?
Professor: Well, let's just imagine that your stick isn't big enough to extract the resources you want. (chuckles) Sometimes there's no pleasure in the big stick. Okay, I'm gonna stop talking about sticks now.
Classroom
UC Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Kelly
Terrible Mileage
Guy to friend: Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with it, but my hamster just isn't working right.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Not-at-all 21
Categories: Animals | Friends | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Posted 2009-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Blame the Dora the Explorer Movies
Guy on cell: I would be walking, and suddenly the word "vaginas" with a massive smiley face beside would pop into my head, as if my brain was trying to tell me it's fun... like a children's book.
Winnipeg
Canadia
Overheard by: Chad
Categories: Books | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Guys | On the phone | Vagina | Words | Posted 2009-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But She'd Been Complaining About How She Doesn't Make Enough Bread.
Guy: Oh my god, she hates me!
Girl: What? Why?
Guy: Cause I'm the kid who threw a sandwich at her!
Tacoma, Washington
When Semesters and Trimesters Conflict
Bleached blonde sorority chick: If she doesn't abort it, we're totally throwing her a baby shower!
University
Midwest
Overheard by: GDI
Categories: Abortion | Colleges & Universities | Kids | Sorority types | USA | Posted 2009-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can a Personal TV Be Too Small? Discuss.
Girl on cell inside convenience store: Why the hell did she get it under her titty? Ain't nobody gonna see it under her titty!
Bowling Green, Ohio
Australian Sex Ed Is a Lot Different from Ours
Teenage girl: Orgies suck when they smell.
School
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: I worry about this girl
Categories: Australia | Gripes | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sensory experiences | Sex | Teens | Posted 2009-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
David Byrne, Is That You?
Disgruntled hobo outside dollar store: All anyone ever thinks about is "Do I still love him?" and "What happened to your teeth?" That don't make no sense!
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Body parts | California | Feelings | Hobos | Posted 2009-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Best. Wedding Vows. Ever.
Guy: It's great because it's like we're bros, and we hang out, but I also get to look at your tits.
Girl: Yeah! (high five)
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Ben
Categories: Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | Rack | Relationships | Texas | Posted 2009-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Those Are Meat Loaf.
Chubby guy, pointing to cookies: Can I have one from this side where they're, like, actually cooked?
Chow Line
USS Nimitz Carrier
Overheard by: LikesThemBurnt
Categories: Food | Guys | Military | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Plus, Mom and Aunt Betty Stopped Speaking
High school girl to friend: And then I... oh, wait... I heard this from from my boyfriend, and I just can't believe it. I can't believe you stopped dating your cousin!
Friend: I know, but it just wasn't working out.
Colton, California
Overheard by: Kip K.E.H.
Categories: California | Family ties | Friends | Relationships | Students | Posted 2009-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Prerequisite for Graduation.
Professor: How old are you?
Visiting high school student: Seventeen.
Professor: And you're not married? Well, you've come to the right place!
Freed-Hardeman University
Henderson, Tennessee
Overheard by: Lisa
Categories: Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Education | Questions | Relationships | Students | Teachers | Tennessee | Posted 2009-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Explain Why You're Defecating on That Statue
Boyfriend on train: I always wanted to be a pigeon.
Incredulous girlfriend: What?
Boyfriend: Oh shit, I just thought that out loud.
Melbourne
Australia
The Next Stupid State Referendum
Loudspeaker in airport: Please don't leave your belongings unattended.
Crazy lady, to no one: Did they just say homosexuality isn't allowed in the airport?
Airport
Oakland, California
Overheard by: Kristina
Categories: Airports & flights | California | Crazies | Public Transportation | Sexuality | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2009-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Can't Wait for That Sitcom
Very short gay man: It's so hard being a vegetarian. My parents can't accept my sexuality or my religion... I'm living in a toilet!
Guernsey
England
Overheard by: Catie
How the Farmers' Market Got Rated NC-17
Lady to friend: I don't care that it's a squash, it's still inappropriate... legs spread everywhere.
Farmers' Market
Oregon
Overheard by: Shea
Good to See a Family Do Things Together
Little boy to younger brother: I'm 'bout to choke you!
Mother, to all children: I'm 'bout to choke all y'all!
Little boy: Together, mama?
Mother: Together.
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Jessica
My First Lesbian Experience: An Essay.
Girl: She showed me, like, everything, and stuff like that.
Dagenham
England
Overheard by: Anthony Mercer
What Have You Been Doing to That Poor Puppy?
College girl #1: You know, just because I want to hit it doesn't mean you have to, too.
College girl #2: But now that it's shaved, it's so much better!
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | New York | Shaving | Students | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Also Wondered This Throughout The Sound Of Music
Fashionable girl to singing man on bicycle: Excuse me, are you mentally ill or just musically inclined?
Düsseldorf
Germany
Overheard by: Anja Schwalm
This Lecture Would Be Protected Under Attorney-Client Privilege
Professor: In a year or two, you're going to graduate and have to face the hard decision about what to do with your life. Some of you will be lawyers, some of you will be engineers, and some of you will opt for a life of crime. When you do, and you get caught, roll over on the person you're caught with, and ask for absolute immunity. I hope you don't choose a life of crime, but if you do, at least be smart about it.
Pre-law Class
USC
Categories: Advice | California | Colleges & Universities | Crimes | Education | Jobs & Careers | Teachers | Posted 2009-10-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Start Blowing Things and See What Comes Out
Hipster guy: I can't tell if I'm horny or it's just my sinus infection again...
UBC
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Health & Hygiene | Hipsters | Maladies | Sex | Posted 2009-10-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Living Bras Die
Trendy girl on cell: It was stuck to my boob this morning. I had to go clean it off... it was all bloody and gross. (pause) Right on my boob. I know... Eew!
University of Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Sarah Neill
Categories: Arizona | Cleanliness | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Health & Hygiene | On the phone | Rack | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Brings Me to Today's Lab Assignment
Professor: Sponges can regenerate from the broken pieces. If you put a sponge through a mincing machine, you just get lots of little sponges. If you put a cow through, you get mince. If you put a person through, you get arrested.
Rhodes University
South Africa
Overheard by: Amused Zoology Student
Categories: Africa | Animals | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Murder | Science | Teachers | Posted 2009-10-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are Catholic Girls Allowed to Sing from the Diaphragm?
Guy: Do you know how I know you were singing correctly?
Girl: You saw me sucking in my stomach?
Guy: No. When you started spitting at me!
Girl: I can't help that I have great diction!
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | Singing | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Way to Step on My Gripping Tale, Britney
Girl #1: So I didn't go to your brother's house last night.
Guy: Oh, where'd you go?
Girl #1: I was in a car.
Guy: Oh.
Girl #1: Yeah, and they were all like, "Yeah! Whassup?"
Girl #2: I was in a car last night.
College of Charleston
Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: Tori
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Guys | Questions | South Carolina | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But This New Biography Proves Me Wrong!
Freshman boy: I don't think Helen Keller was too concerned about dick.
High School
Colorado
Overheard by: clur
Categories: About celebrities | Colorado | Health & Hygiene | Penis | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Posted 2009-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where Would Either Industry Be Without Silicone?
College girl: The way I see it, chemistry is just like prostitution.
Northern Michigan University
Overheard by: everyone gets screwed?
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Michigan | Science | Sex | Sorority types | Posted 2009-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's No Euphemism, Dear Reader
Girl on cell: I would've loved to have gone to that socks summit. It sounds amazing!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Me, too?
Categories: Clothes | Girls | Massachusetts | On the phone | Undies | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Ahem, "Sylbs"
Female college student: Yeah, I tod did that too!
Guy college student: Did you just say "tod" instead of "totally"?
Female college student: Yeah, I never say any words that are more than two syllables!
College
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Cat
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Students | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Her Anti-Drug: Crime
Goth schoolgirl: So, I bought 500 feet of police crime scene tape today. Heheheh!
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: A vaguely worried teacher
At Least Not Without an Audience
Waiter #1: We need to get this shit done and get out of here.
Waiter #2: Yep. I need to get to the bar. Molly's not gonna fuck herself tonight.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Double Dare's "Physical Challenges" Aren't What They Once Were
Girl #1: What? Did he think I was going to let him have sex with me?
Girl #2: Or choke you?
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Marty
Guess Which One Grew Up with Maids
Girl #1: So, yeah, I was just going to set the hoover to suck, and use that.
Girl #2: Do hoovers suck?
Oxford
England
Juding by the Way You're Huddled in the Corner, Chanting in Middle English.
Professor: Sorry, I think I just gave a few of you post-traumatic Chaucer disorder.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Books | Colleges & Universities | Education | Mental illnesses | New York | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Try Reading to Them or Something
Loud girl to friend: Calm your nipples, bitch!
Huntington, New York
Overheard by: Sarah
Portrait Of the Sound-Effects Guy As a Young Man
Biology teacher: Parvo disease is a disease in mammals that can be fatal; squirrels, cats and dogs can all get it.
Kid, whispering quietly to himself: Ruff! Ruff ruff! Kaboom!
Florida
This Would Explain a Lot About Our Foreign Policy
Boyfriend: I couldn't get a new movie. The good ones were all out. I got this other one, though. The guy told me it was really good.
Girlfriend: What's the name of it?
Boyfriend: Just Cuz!
Girlfriend, looking at jacket: You mean Just Cause?
Norwich, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Couples | Movies | Names | Questions | Posted 2009-10-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As the Title Of My Autobiography Clearly States
14-year-old boy to punk friends: Jesus loves me, and I don't give a damn.
Portland, Oregon
Which Directly Contradicts My Anthropology Thesis
Girl: Sometimes I like to look at pictures of deaf people online. They don't look any different!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Girls | Health & Hygiene | Internet | Overheard in Minneapolis | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Considering What We Did Last Night.
Girl #1: With the right emphasis, anything can sound dirty.
Girl #2: I'll jump on your trampoline.
Girl #1: I'll park in your car park.
Girl #2: I'll reverse up your back alley.
(pause)
Girl #2: I think it just got too literal.
Girl #1: Me too.
Sydney
Australia
It's the Germany Of the United States.
Guy in "I heart NJ" shirt: Could you take our picture?
German tourist: Sure.
Guy in "I heart NJ" shirt: Thanks a lot, man.
German tourist: You luv New Jer-see?
Guy in "I heart NJ" shirt: Hell yeah!
German tourist: You za own-lee vun!
London
England
Overheard by: Joyful One
Categories: England | Feelings | Foreigners | Offers and requests | Questions | Tourists | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to Mom's New Boyfriend
Six-year-old girl at the zoo: (drops French fries one by one)
Dad: Why are you dropping French fries?
Six-year-old girl: To feed them!
Dad: No one wants your old French fries.
Six-year-old girl: You're an old French fry!
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Dave
When Momma Grows Red Fur, Then We'll Talk.
Dad: Does Gracie love momma?
Toddler: Pshnoooooo.
Dad: Does Gracie love Elmo?
Toddler: Yeah!
Target
Nashville, Tennessee
Why Do You Think I Was Dressed As a Clown While Saying It?
Girl: You called me a slut and said you didn't want to talk to me anymore.
Guy: That was for show.
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Kaleena
You're a Burkoff, Dad
Little Girl: Look Dad, a buhraff.
Dad: That's "giraffe"--juh, juh, juh.
Little Girl, looking confused: Buhraff! Juh, juh, juh.
Zoo
St. Louis, Missouri
Why Pornographic Snowmen Never Work
Woman to friend: Well, yeah, but then it got wet, so it fell off...
Vallejo, California
Overheard by: Jerod T.
Categories: California | Friends | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Asked Me on a Date!
Guy: I decided I would do a little social experiment. So I went to the gas station and bought a chocolate muffin and sat down outside the door. Then this guy passed me, so I shoved the muffin in my mouth and started singing "What if God Was One of Us," with little pieces of the muffin falling out of my mouth. It was great.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: julie
Anyone Wanna Teabag?
Dude, after receiving dickhead hat on 50th birthday: Hey, look! My double chin looks like a pair of balls in a nutsack!
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Tiger Fan
Categories: Age and ageing | Balls | Body parts | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Guys | Missouri | Penis | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So You and the Doctors Keep Saying...
Small child entering restroom: Mom, why can't we go to the boys' room? Because I've got a girl with me?
Mom: You are a girl!
Sushi Restaurant
Kansas City, Kansas
Overheard by: zombie z
Categories: Gender issues | Kansas | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Restaurants | Restroom | Sexuality | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only on Thursday Nights.
Old man on phone: I am a beautiful woman.
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
Categories: Beauty | Canadia | Gender issues | Old folks | On the phone | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Limbo Is Not a Man's Game, Son.
Mother to little boy: Stop that! You're gonna hurt your scrotum!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Parenting | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Instead Of Herpes
16-year-old student: Ah, those were the days... people talked on the phone, and phones got phone calls...
High School
Binghamton, New York
Categories: Memory lane | New York | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No! Haven't You Been Listening?
Lady 1: So they're getting married now.
Lady 2: But I thought she had a baby.
Lady 1: Yes, but it's his brother's. See, her sister wanted to be with him so she told him her sister couldn't have normal children. It turns out she's the one who can't have children.
Lady 2: Oh... so they're getting married?
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Confused listener
Categories: Birthing | Family ties | Kids | Questions | Relationships | Stupidity | Utah | Women | Posted 2009-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Where No One Knows My Identity.
Guy to friends: I use condoms in town, but skeet out of town.
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Eve's dropper
Categories: Compare and contrast | Condoms | Friends | Guys | Tennessee | Posted 2009-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And That's How Nutella Is Produced.
Greasy old man to wheelchair-ridden woman: And then it drips out of my rectum...
Westchester Airport
New York
You'll Need to Be More Specific.
Woman: Oh, man, I wish I had nuts.
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: Amused Friend
Categories: Balls | Gender issues | Washington | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Amniotic Fluid, Cigarette Smoke, and Misspent Youth.
Girl: Everything I touch smells like Britney Spears, but in a bad way.
Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Girls | Illinois | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just When You Were Starting to Miss College...
Freshman girl on phone: You're not gonna get HIV from kissing some random... (pause) What? (pause) Well, does he have sores on his lips?
UCSB Dorms
California
Overheard by: KLaugh
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Maladies | On the phone | Questions | Students | Posted 2009-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Draw the Line at Moving to Seattle
White cube farmer to another: Chicks don't like dudes with umbrellas. They like wild and crazy guys who aren't afraid of getting their hair wet.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: alexis
Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Gender issues | Hair | Overheard in Minneapolis | Stupidity | Whiteys | Posted 2009-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
JC Penney Bra Catalogs, on the Other Hand...
Senior boy: I have no capacity for porn!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I doubt that
Categories: Overheard in Minneapolis | Porn | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sorry, we don't do special orders, that's Burger King
Woman who's too old to work at McDonald's: So, you want cheese on your sausage, egg and cheese?
Customer: Umm... okay, sure, yeah.
Centereach, New York
That Would've Been Great Fodder for Our Dr. Phil Appearance
Teen girl: My brother got released from the loony bin today. Same day as he got a new roommate, who kills animals and has an extra Y chromosome. I'm like, "Goddamn!"
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Categories: Animals | Colorado | Health & Hygiene | Mental illnesses | Murder | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Lied and Said, "No."
Fireman: And then he asked me if I'd ever covered my hand with a plastic bread bag, and then squished my shit around in the toilet... just to see what it feels like.
Maine
Why R.E.M. Established an IQ Prerequisite for Their Fans
Michael Stipe to crowd: This next song is set in the state of Ohio.
Drunk dude: Go Chicago, woooooo!
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Geographically Inclined
Categories: Colorado | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Music | Stupidity | US Geography | Posted 2009-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
God, You're Deep.
Bleached blonde, looking at hair dye: Oh! This is totally my hair color!
Brunette: No, it's not.
Bleached blonde: Well, it would be... If it changed.
Roscoe, Illinois
Overheard by: Dumbfounded Beauty Advisor
And Swing by the Great Wall on the Way?
Traveler with heavy European accent: So, can we drive to the Grand Canyon one day? We'd really like to see it while in America.
Dulles Airport
Washington, DC
Categories: Airports & flights | Foreigners | Holidays | Offers and requests | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...As This 45-Minute Presentation Will Demonstrate.
Physicist: Elise has a quantum ass. It's either big or real big. Depending on what pants she wears.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: change
...We've Reached the Train Hub.
Conductor, over intercom: Rub-a-dub-dub!
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Conductors | Illinois | Public Transportation | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Crappy Cramps, Cheetos Vamps
Women #1: Oh, I know why I feel crappy--cramps.
Woman #2: Ew! Me too. Very PMS-y. Craving Cheetos.
Woman #1: That's serious.
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Categories: Food | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Women | Posted 2009-10-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Incestuous Cirque Du Soleil Porn Is a Joy to Watch
Guy: Yeah, and then there was uncle Marty, who was on his knees throwing balls at her...
Sydney
Australia
Categories: Australia | Balls | Body parts | Family ties | Guys | Sex | Posted 2009-10-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Sure Law Enforcement Will Understand
Female law student, after declining jello shot: No, I have to drive you home.
Male law student: I don't want a cranky sober person driving me home!
St. Petersburg, Florida
Thank God Babies Come Housebroken.
20-something pregnant girl to baby daddy: I don't think we can handle a pet.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: babies are way easier.
Mr. Miyagi Taught Him How, in the First Movie.
Student: What would Elvis say?
Professor: What would Plato say?
Student: What would Butler say?
Campbell: What would Foucault say?
Girl in back row: All I know is he broke a table.
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Overheard by: elvis eavesdropper
Categories: About celebrities | Colleges & Universities | Education | Philosophy | Questions | Students | Teachers | Virginia | Posted 2009-10-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Has Made Her Extremely Popular
Middle aged woman, casually to friend: And she hasn't worn pants to school since 7th grade.
Woodinville, Washington
Overheard by: The employee washing the window behind them
Like, I Notice You're Wearing a Nike Shirt...
50-something female to Native American presenter in elementary school: Is it true that the arrival of whites changed your way of life?
Denver, Colorado
...For Not Driving a Hybrid.
Four-year-old girl being dragged away by mother: I'll kill you! I'll kill you!
West Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Juanito
Categories: California | Kids | Moms | Murder | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2009-10-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though I Notice You Are Cultivating Quite an Impressive Beer-Gut
College girl #1, walking past maternity section: That's a cute dress.
College girl #2: Yeah, I don't have the boobs to wear it.
College girl #1: Oh, that's a cute one too!
College girl #2: You don't have the fetus to fill out that dress.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: m.
Nicely, Before I Get Out the Acid-Filled Squirt Gun.
Dry lecturer to class: Given the grades you got in the test, you should really be listening to what I'm saying. (pause) That's rather bitchy, isn't it? It's my way of saying: "shut the whatever up."
University of Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Insults | New Zealand | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'll Require More Staring Time Before We Go Eat
Guy: Man, look at this guy! It's weird how they keep the eyelashes and hair on to keep them semi-human. You can see everything!
Girl: Um, are all penises so big?
Guy: I think it's due to preserving process.
Girl: I'm hungy.
Body Worlds Exhibit
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: 8lb Gem my ASS!!
Especially When You're Black.
Manager: Pants off is the new black.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: fool
Categories: Bosses | Clothes | Clothing | Overheard in PDX | Race | Posted 2009-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So You Can Steal Their Social Security Checks.
Hispanic cleaning lady, about being a nurse in Mexico: It's not like over there, like say, if you accidentally kill an old person, you have to buy another one.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: high school aide
Every Hollywood Party, in a Nutshell
Girl at party: These people are so disgusting! One guy actually called dibs on me.
Guy, loudly: Yeah, these people are douchebags.
Girl: Shhhh! They'll hear you!
Guy: So what?
Girl: Then they'll think I'm the one that brought all the weird people to the party.
Guy: You did.
Girl: But I don't want them to know that!
Random party guy: Yeah, dude, stop. You're embarrassing her in front of all the people she hates.
Columbus, Ohio
That's Not Quite a Haiku, Eric.
Guy: My favorite thing about Halle Berry is her vagina.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Shlange
Categories: About celebrities | Compare and contrast | Guys | Illinois | Vagina | Posted 2009-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bottom Line: It Tastes Like Shit.
Guy: You!
Smoking, unsuspecting girl: Me? What'd I do?
Guy: Do you know how lonely it's been since you and Dave* quit smoking? Then everyone started to quit! And now you're smoking again?! At first it was all cute: "Awwww, Emily and Dave* are quitting together! They're like each other's rocks!" Then what happened?!
Smoking girl, sheepishly: We sunk.
Guy: And was it your idea for Dave to start rolling his own cigarettes?!
Smoking girl: Yes...
Guy, exasperated: Every time I ask him for a cigarette, it's like smoking a diaper!
New Jersey
Categories: Compare and contrast | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Questions | Relationships | Smokers | Smoking | Posted 2009-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Why We Should Buy You Gelato?
Five-year-old boy: I'm a sensitive soul!
Little Italy
Toronto
Canadia
A Dicktatorship?
Professor: So Russia had this really phallus-oriented system of government...
University
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Education | Gender issues | History | Penis | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2009-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Talking Out Of My Ass, Of Course.
Harvard student to another: Okay, so I was thinking in my brain...
Harvard Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: non-ivy-leaguer
Categories: Body parts | Massachusetts | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I Was Born to Be a Reality-Show Contestant
Skinny girl: My sister is on a diet now, I don't like it. First she's taller than me, but that's okay, I got over it. I just don't want her to be skinnier than me.
Guy friend: You should be happy for her.
Skinny girl: No way! I'm below that.
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Diet & weight | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Guys | Happiness | Skinny people | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Has Legally Blonde Ruined the Profession? Discuss.
Professor: When thinking about a case, you have to start by listing all the parties. You go, "We are the plaintiffs, the mighty, mighty plaintiffs..."
Law School
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: MaggieB
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Education | Jobs & Careers | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2009-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Focus, Britney!
Female student: I came home last night and found my roommate sitting on the kitchen floor, crying and holding a bottle of Jägermeister and a recipe for homemade enchiladas.
Dumb friend: I didn't know you made enchiladas with Jägermeister.
University of Colorado, Boulder
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Drinking & drunks | Food | Friends | Idiots | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was Just Pointing Out That Most Dogs Don't Have Their Own Bathtubs
Drunk JAP, yelling at boyfriend: I can't deal with your shit anymore! You don't respect me, you ridicule me in front of my friends. You tell me my dog doesn't deserve to live in a house as big as mine! I don't want to live like this!
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Jill and Weenie
Sometimes the Tooth Fairy Makes Extra Special Visits
Boy standing in line for smoothie: That better not be sparkle lips gloss.
Girl standing with him, applying lip gloss: It is, but it has like too many sparkles.
Boy: That's even worse! (pause) My one friend woke up with a ring of sparkles around his... well, you know...
University Fair
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: ashley
Categories: BJs | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Fashion | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Penis | Posted 2009-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But We Honor Him Every Time I Buy You a Lap Dance for Your Birthday
Mom tourist: We're going to go see the Washington Monument, do you know who it's named for?
Son tourist: Yes, our first President, George Washington
Mom tourist: That's right. (pause) He's dead now.
Washington, DC
Categories: Death & dying | Family | History | Moms | Names | Questions | Stupidity | Tourists | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is This Gonna Be the "Figs Vs. Fags" Debate All Over Again?
Barista: Those aren't dates, those are lesbians!
Dixon, California
Overheard by: Michelle
Categories: Baristas | California | Compare and contrast | Sexuality | Posted 2009-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You've Got a Name Tag Pinned to Your Sweater
Aunt Sherry: You have to hold my hand or else I might get lost. Then, what will happen?
Sassy preschooler: You'll be alright, aunt Sherry.
Northville, Michigan
Overheard by: older sassy girl
From the Hilarious Teen Comedy Can't Hardly Walk
Guy #1: I'm so totally better than him. I have two properly functioning legs.
Guy #2: So does he, they just don't work quite as well as yours.
Guy #1: That's what the crutches are for.
High School
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Alex
Categories: Body parts | California | Compare and contrast | Guys | Health & Hygiene | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2009-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jenna Jameson Was a Tough Kid to Raise
Little girl: Tea... cock! (pause) Tea... cock! Cock! Teaaaaaaaa...
Distracted mother: Honey, "peacock" is all one word.
Little girl: Cock!
Leesburg, Virginia
Your Editors Feel a Fierce College Nostalgia Coming on
Girl to girl and guy: Guys, can I just tell you about my weekend?
(no reply)
Girl again: Can I tell ya'll about my weekend?
(they look at her and nod)
Girl again, whispering: It had to do with a penis...
UNCC Campus
Charlotte, North Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Girls | Guys | North Carolina | Penis | Questions | Posted 2009-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though, to Be Fair, Masturbating to Hillary Swank Photos Could Go Either Way
Girl #1: She still thinks he's gay.
Girl #2: But he isn't.
Girl #1, laughing: And we have proof.
Girl #2, laughing also: Yes we do!
University of Arizona
Overheard by: Whats the proof
...That's a Terrible Marketing Slogan.
Gay man: Listen, we've all shat, we've all farted, we've all touched ourselves, and we've all used a dildo.
Girls: Ummm... no.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Burping & farting | Girls | Masturbation | Pennsylvania | Poop | Queers | Toys | Posted 2009-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And if You Lick or Blow, God Knows What I'm Capable of
Guy: I suck today.
Girl: Depending on how much you suck, i might suck today too.
Troy, Michigan
Overheard by: pengie
That's Why Her Name Is Bjorrjammijjinanan
Shorter kid playing basketball to taller kid: Your dad bought your mom at Ikea!
Watertown, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Ariel
Categories: Family ties | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Parenting | Relationships | Shopping | Posted 2009-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oooh, Lick Your Lips While You Say That!
Drunk girl #1: (blows kiss to construction worker)
Drunk girl #2: You *so* just made his day!
Construction worker: Slut.
Exhibition Street
Melbourne, Australia
Categories: Australia | Construction workers | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Insults | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Posted 2009-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Get Thee to a Nunnery!
Strange man to lightly-dressed girls sitting on bench: Thank you! Have a good night!
(leaves)
Girl to friend: Oh my god. He licked your hand. Ohmigod! He. Licked. Your. Hand!
Montreal
Quebec
Canadia
Overheard by: And it tasted like humus.
...Ever Since She Became a Character on Laguna Beach
Latin professor: Can anyone use a Latin interjection in a sentence?
Student: Lo! Look at that angel!
Latin professor: Yes, that is a very common interjection.
University of Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Education | Language barrier | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Never Know Which One Will Be Your Last One
Drunk young girl: Whatever. She could have had sex whenever she wanted.
Drunk mother: Well, she's beat you by a few years!
Drunk grandmother: I haven't had sex in such a long time.
The Keg
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Drunks | Family | Family ties | Moms | Parenting | Sex | Time Management | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Have You Seen It Pole Dance??
Giggly blonde teen: Ew, you know bestiality is illegal, right?
Giggly brunette teen: It wasn't bestiality!
Giggly blonde teen: And yet you know that your cat is good in bed?
Ontario
Canadia
...And It Fulfills Your Science Requirement?
College freshman girl: Wait... wait... Dinosaurs and vaginas!? (pause) Oh, now I get it!
Olympia, Washington
Overheard by: prefers dinosaurs
Categories: Animals | Questions | Students | Vagina | Washington | Posted 2009-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...For Talking to Me!
Student #1: Hey, how was your Easter?
Student #2: I'm Jewish, but thank you!
Paul Smith's College
New York
Overheard by: agnostic librarian
Categories: Colleges & Universities | New York | Questions | Religion | Students | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Before She Finds Out You're a Mute!
Man walking down street: Dude... your woman just said "we need to talk." You need to get the fuck out of there right now!
San Francisco, California
Categories: Advice | Guys | Relationships | San Francisco | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Imagining the Cat Lady from The Simpsons
Crazy lady to group of girls: Well, there's us and then there's them. And when I was your age I said I was never gonna be like them. And look at me... Do I look anything like them?
Greenfield, Massachusetts
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Crazies | Girls | Massachusetts | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And My Statue Collection Is Really Suffering
Brunette: I don't have ear wax.
Blonde: That's impossible! Your ears can't not produce wax.
Brunette: Well, I get a little bit of yellow on the q-tip like every 2 weeks, but it's just not as satisfying.
Calgary
Canadia
Overheard by: mr. mitch
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Sometimes"?
Civil procedure professor: Don't you sometimes think this class would be better if we were all a little inebriated?
Law School
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Education | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Ring Symbolizes My No-Footsie Promise
Burly male college student: I don't want to put my bare feet somewhere where someone's already put their bare feet.
Murray State University
Kentucky
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Kentucky | Students | Stupidity | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And a Photo Of My Face Drooling White Liquid?
Greek mythology professor: So, why is there a flying penis on the screen?
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Education | Massachusetts | Penis | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Under "Skills".
Blonde: I have this theory that babies who were born late are like always late to stuff. And babies who were born early, like premature, are always early.
Friend: Really?
Blonde: Yeah, it's like, on my resume.
Brisbane
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Pregnancy | Science | Posted 2009-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, That's What You Said About Anal.
Worldly hipster: Do you drink?
Very naive girl: No, tried it once, didn't like the taste.
Worldly hipster: Do you like tea?
Very naive girl: Yes.
Worldly hipster: Good, then you'll like beer.
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: The RJP
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Food | Girls | Hipsters | Ohio | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So Quit Being Such a Pussy.
Greaser guy holding kitten: Who's a kitty? You's a kitty! Who's a kitty? You's a kitty! Who's a kitty? You's a kitty!
Punk girl: I think he knows he's a kitty.
Bakersfield, California
Here's the Chart
Biology professor: You're getting me all nervous about my penis... Which I measure daily.
Community College
Illinois
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Illinois | Penis | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bambi Was a Boy!
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Honey, don't you think I've got Bambi eyes?
Boyfriend: No!
Girlfriend: A lot of people think so.
Boyfriend: You don't have Bambi eyes.
Denmark
Categories: Body parts | Couples | Europe | Movies | Questions | Posted 2009-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gay People Love Having Straight People Speak for Them
Tourist: So, basically, people go to Castro to stare at the gay people making out?
Passenger: Well, the gay people feel more comfortable making out there... Because people aren't staring at them...
Berkeley, California
Categories: California | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Questions | Sexuality | Stupidity | Tourists | Posted 2009-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Passengers Know a Lot More About Star Trek
Friend #1: He actually has had sex before.
Friend #2: What! I thought he was on the V-boat with me!
Friend #1: The V-boat?
Friend #2: It's like a U-boat, but sadder.
Montreal
Canadia
Overheard by: Not on the boat
Tara Reid Has Done So Much for Humanity
Girl: She wasn't flashing us! Her boob was hanging out. He was in shock. I think it was the first time he ever saw a boob in real life.
Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Rack | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Texas | Posted 2009-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Clean Up the Blood Again
Girl #1: So my mom is getting married to that guy she met on the internet.
Girl #2: Internet? He might be a serial killer!
Girl #1: Yeah, but she lives in Florida, so at least I don't have to hear about it.
Bathrooms
Cinema, Illinois
Categories: Family ties | Girls | Illinois | Internet | Murder | Parenting | Relationships | Restroom | Posted 2009-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Eating Those Cheetos!
Girl in puffy pink coat: I went to Jared's yesterday and I was all like, "you're a jerk." Know what I mean?
Girl in puffy white coat: I dunno. My nails are orange.
Illinois institute
Overheard by: abbie
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Illinois | Insults | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...You and I Are, Like, Soulmates!
Dopey girl #1: Have you seen the movie Sweet Sixteen? I mean, Sixteen Candles?
Dopey girl #2: Yeah!
Dopey girl #1: Yeah! Oh my god!
High School
La Jolla, California
Overheard by: God
Categories: California | Girls | Idiots | Movies | Names | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks, Lifetime Movie Marathon!
Girl: Did you just get a vagina?
Boy: I think it's bleeding.
Vancouver
Canadia
Note to Self: Don't Try to Bond with Teenagers.
Teacher to girl: I like your shirt!
Girl: Oh, yeah, but it's from a show, so I'm not, like, just wearing a shirt... randomly or whatever.
Boulder, Colorado
Can I Direct You to the Braille Section, Sir?
Library patron: I'm a molecular biologist. I don't care about things I can see with my eyes.
UC Berkeley
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: MaggieB
Categories: Bosses | California | Colleges & Universities | Science | Stupidity | Posted 2009-10-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did I Stutter?
Six-year-old boy: Hey, look at this piece of bamboo!
Eight-year-old brother, taking bamboo, hiding it behind his back and then brandishing it like a staff: And now, with my mermaid magic, I pronounce you Sir Giraffetail! Ahoy!
Six-year-old boy: What?
Indianapolis Zoo
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Emily and Aaron
The Kind Of Scandinavian Thinking That Produced Ikea
Girlfriend to boyfriend: I did the most useless thing today. I stuck something into another thing and pretended it had feet.
Trondheim
Norway
Overheard by: Knowbuddy
Categories: Body parts | Couples | Europe | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Bursting With High-Fat Custard
Chick #1: She's on a date with a French guy.
(pause)
Chick #2: I bet French cock is like an eclair.
University of Denver, Colorado
Categories: Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Food | Penis | Posted 2009-10-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When the "Toilet Paper Bride" Game Goes a Little Too Far
Older woman: So I said "Wrap her up. Wrap her up tight!"
Newcastle
Australia
Overheard by: Declan
Or Jail, Yeah
Teenage girl #1: Anyway, I just need to talk to him.
Teenage girl #2: Mmm-hmm.
Teenage girl #1: But I barely ever see him!
Teenage girl #2: Yeah.
Teenage girl #1: I have to meet him in a mutual place, y'know?
Teenage girl #2: ...like a box?
Perth
Australia
Long Island Has Feminists?
Overbearing mother: Let her see you in the bra! She will make sure it fits correctly!
13-year-old girl, buying first bra: Mother, I'm not for sale!
Victoria's Secret
Long Island, New York
Either Listen Up or Nap Like the Rest Of Us, Dude
Guy leaving psych class: Why are we talking about bed bugs liking it up the ass?! How is that relevant?
University of Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Ellie
Categories: Ass | Colleges & Universities | Education | Insects | Pennsylvania | Questions | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Yada Yada Yada, E. Coli.
Guy to girlfriend: I thought it would be funny to eat an O'Henry while pooing.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Alywishus
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Food | Poop | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Lovemaking Session Is Like One Of the Matrix Movies
Blonde: So if you don't swallow it, where does it go?
Brunette, exasperated: I don't know, I dodge it!
Dorm
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: BJs | Bimbettes | Cum | Massachusetts | Questions | Posted 2009-10-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dad's the Other White Meat.
Girl #1: So my mother says our dog is her "little sausage," so she's started calling him "pork sword."
Girl #2, laughing: That's got to be awkward!
Girl #1: Tell me about it! The other day my boyfriend thought she was yelling for my dad.
Cape Town
South Africa
For the Last Time, You're Not Getting My American Express Card
Five-year-old boy, calling to mother in bathroom stall: Mom, we need to talk about something.
Mom: Can it wait?
Five-year-old boy: No.
Mom: What is it?
Five-year-old boy: I need more credit. You don't give me enough credit for the things I do, and my feathers are simply getting ruffled by this.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Laughing
Only If You Leave Your Driver's License As Collateral
Goth guy to goth girlfriend: Can I borrow your blood?
Rochester
England
Overheard by: Bewildered Techie
Categories: Couples | England | Goths | Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | Weirdness | Posted 2009-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's More Natural Than Fondling a Relative's Artificial Breast?
Daughter in dressing room: Go ahead, feel them!
Mom in dressing room: No!
Daughter: Really, the point is to feel how natural they feel! I'm going to want to feel yours when you get them.
York, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Kendal
Categories: Family ties | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Moms | Parenting | Pennsylvania | Rack | Wishes | Posted 2009-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Baby, You're the H1N1 for Me
Girl to guy: Don't hug me. I'm sick.
Guy to girl: Me too!
(pause)
Girl to guy: Yay! (hugs)
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: apparently sick people can't get worse
Ask a Stupid Question...
High school government teacher: Which country has the most negative image?
Student, enthusiastically: Africa!
Virginia Beach, Virginia
I've Been Eating My Words a Lot Lately
Professor, discussing types of fat: Babies aren't fat like... (points at a fat girl) No, I don't want to say that... like my tummy.
University of Georgia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Diet & weight | Georgia | Stomach | Teachers | Posted 2009-10-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Spencer Pratt Has That Effect on a Lot Of People
Frustrated professor: I wanted to go back and eat my own flesh.
Portland, Oregon
And Why Do You Say That About Everything?
Guy #1: Have you even seen Sophie's choice?
Guy #2: Yeah. Isn't the choice like, diabetes or a piano?
Guy #1: What?
University of Florida
Overheard by: Nick
But Enough About the Livestock...
New Yorker: So how do you like it down here?
Local thug: If it weren't for the double d breasts and sexy feet, I would've gotten the hell out of here years ago.
Fayetteville, North Carolina
Categories: Body parts | Guys | North Carolina | Questions | Rack | Thugs | Posted 2009-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like "Dragon" or "Compassionate Conservative"
20-something American guy: Hermaphrodites are real?
20-something American girl: Well, what did you think they were?
20-something American guy: I thought they were a made-up word, like "unicorn" or something.
Bar
Munich
Germany
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Foreigners | Germany | Girls | Guys | Questions | Sexuality | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2009-10-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |