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September 2009 Archives
That's Not the Jesus Story I've Heard
Greenpeace guy: It's never good to idolize someone who died hanging himself and jerking off.
Oregon State University
Overheard by: David
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Guys | Masturbation | Oregon | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes They Play Backup with Paperclip Castanets
Clarinet girl: I have, like, this fetish with office supplies, especially the electric stapler.
Friend: Oh my god! What?
Clarinet girl: Yeah, sometimes my roommate and I dance with it. And the boys above us creep at our window.
Friend: Oh... interesting.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Glad I don't live near them... And glad I wasn't stuck with either of them as a roommate.
At Least He Only Wanted My Clothes.
Teen to friends: Yeah, as if getting mugged isn't bad enough, it's even worse when the dude is naked.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: jfa.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Teens | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Thought Mimes Loved Boxes?
Female to male coworker: Stop trying to fit me into things!
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: tla
Categories: Coworkers | Eavesdrop DC | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Just Feel So Comfy in Flannel
Chick: I think that I'm the gayest straight girl in the world.
Bakersfield, California
Categories: California | Chicks | Compare and contrast | Gender issues | Sexuality | Stupidity | Posted 2009-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Having a TV on Every Seat Is Pretty Damn Great
Six-year-old girl: Mum, remember when we went on that airplane?
Distracted mum: Mm-hmm?
Six-year-old girl: Was that paradise?
Train
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Wishing I could go holiday there
Meet Debate Club Barbie
Idiot girl #1: Well, like, Brad is like one of your favorite toys, so you wanna play with him a lot. But Adam is like your most favorite toy, so you wanna play with him all the time! So when Ashley wants to play with him you're all, "Bitch, drop it!"
Idiot girl #2: That is the best analogy.
Guelph
Canadia
Your Editors All Have Bulletproof Alibis
High school girl: There was way too much drama in sixth grade. All my friends were always talking about how their boyfriends knocked someone up. I'm like, "you're twelve years old! Get over it!"
Greenbelt, Maryland
Categories: Age and ageing | Education | Girls | Maryland | Pregnancy | Relationships | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
While I'm Sober, for Once.
Suit lady #1: So how was your weekend?
Suit lady #2: Oh, it was really good. I went to a jail.
Suit lady #1: Really? I've never been to a jail.
Suit lady #2: Yeah, neither had I... it was really good.
Suit lady #1: I've always wanted to go to a jail.
Suit lady #2: Yeah, you probably will... I thought "Seeing as I'm putting people in there, I should probably find out what it's like."
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Cassie Barlow
Too Late.
Man to friends: I think I'm finally gonna quit my job and write the sitcom I've always wanted to, about the sassy robot.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Friends | Jobs & Careers | TV shows | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless You Could Find Some Cute Coveralls
Blonde teenage girl #1: If I don't get asked to prom I might just drop out of school and become a mechanic.
Blonde teenage girl #2: I know... that would suck.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: high school
Categories: Education | Girls | Insults | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Teens | Posted 2009-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fox: "Can We Base a Reality Series on That Premise?"
Professor: I don't even turn on the television anymore. It's just violence. It's all rape, and gore, and homosexual pedophiles in wheelchairs who chop up grandmothers.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by: philosopher
Well, It Was Just Rain.
Preppy girl #1: So I had it all over me, it was on my hands and my face...
Preppy girl #2: Oh my god! Did you throw up?
San Luis Obispo, California
Categories: Body parts | California | Cum | Hands | Health & Hygiene | Preppies | Questions | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maybe Stop Voting Republican?
Guy: My mom hit my dad with a frying pan. He doesn't have a cheek anymore. It's been entirely restructured. She used to beat the shit out of him! It was so funny. But when he drunk--that's when she'd get a beating.
Girl, sympathetically: Your family...
Guy: Oh, I love my family! I don't know what I'd do without them!
Neptune City, New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Relationships | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ah, the Ever-Effective Nuremberg Defense!
Guido to skinny guy on métro: So you weren't really grabbing her boobs. That's just following instructions. (pause) You were just being a team player, man.
Vendôme Métro
Montréal
Canadia
I Only Have Room in My Heart for Bacon
Hipster in "Vatican Chainsaw Massacre" t-shirt: And the thing is, dude, I just... (sighs) ...I just don't really care about waffles, you know?
Queen Street West
Toronto
Canadia
We'll Now Begin the "Sensual Massage" Portion Of Our Flight
Flight attendant, over loudspeaker: We will now be dimming the lights for the remainder of the flight.
(Lights dim)
Flight attendant, in deep, sexy voice: Are you in the mood to fly now? I thought so...
Southwest Airlines Flight
Austin, Texas
Categories: Airports & flights | Flight attendants | Public Transportation | Questions | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then They Told Me There'd Be Free Lunch
Incredulous girl: They wanted me to do jury duty. I told them I ain't no snitch!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that doesn?t make sense.
Categories: Comebacks | Crimes | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2009-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That What This Is?
Male patron, hitting on girl at bar: Not gonna lie, when I get drunk, I get charming.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: friends of both
Categories: Bosses | Bragging | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Lies | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2009-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What-- Too Soon?
Teenage daughter: I had some caffeine pretty late tonight, so I'm gonna take an extra 50 milligrams of Seroquel.
Mother: I'll be sure to call Mary-Kate if anything bad happens.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Categories: About celebrities | Colorado | Family | Food | Health & Hygiene | Moms | Parenting | Teens | Posted 2009-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Ally McBeal, How We've Missed You!
Hipster girl to another: I consider myself single, except for the part where I have a boyfriend... so I can't cheat on him.
St. Louis, Missouri
Categories: Hipsters | Missouri | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Genies Are Wasted on Blondes
Red-headed friend to blonde friend: If I had a special power it would be to fly!
Blonde friend, seriously: If I had a special power I would have a microwave in my mouth so that I could cook anything I wanted, whenever I wanted.
Red-headed friend: You could never get salmonella again!
Blonde friend: I know, right? It's my best idea yet!
Canada's Wonderland
Toronto
Canadia
Evidence That Sex and the City Would've Been a *Lot* More Interesting If It Had Involved Plus-Sized Sistahs
Plus-size sistah: And that damn condom came off!
Friend: Oh, shit, girl! What happened?
Plus-size sistah: I dunno. It's still up in there.
Friend: What? How long?
Plus-size sistah: It's been three days. I can't reach that bitch!
Friend: Girl! That's nasty! And if you askin' what I think you askin', you can forget it!
Restaurant, Chinatown
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Joe
Categories: Biotechs | Condoms | Fat people | Friends | Questions | Restaurants | Vagina | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Best. Peer Advisor. Ever.
Curious friend: Doesn't your mouth get tired?
Small Asian girl: That's what my hands are for!
Curious friend: Don't your arms get tired?!
Small Asian girl: That's what my mouth is for!
Curious friend: What do you do when both get tired?
Small Asian girl: Oh, that's when he puts it in my butt.
Hoboken, New Jersey
They Grow Up So Fast
3-year-old in parking lot: Mommy, I want MONEY!
Mother: Yes, honey. Me too.
Gilroy, California
Overheard by: just a cart pusher
Categories: California | Kids | Moms | Money | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Happened to the Cro-Magnons All the Time
Drunk girl, very concerned: He's totally going to get fucked in the A! And he has scoliosis, so he's always bent over, so he's definitely going to get fucked in the A!
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Being a Looney Tune Is a Thankless Job
Female student, having side conversation: I'm always getting hit by pianos!
Columbia College
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Illinois | Students | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Swear I Was Aiming for the Bed.
Hungover guy: Yeah man, so it was all good until I got so drunk that I pissed in my oven.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: hah!
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Make Me Do Date Math, Tricia
18-year-old girl to 20-year-old girl: The Declaration of Independence looks really old and faded. How old is it?
National Archives
Washington, DC
Categories: Age and ageing | Girls | History | Questions | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Best Part Of Our Lives Happens Between Our Ears
Teenage girl, talking about singer at concert: It was like Star Wars, except we weren't fighting with lightsabers and my hand didn't get cut off. Oh, and he was onstage and couldn't see me.
Rumson, New Jersey
Categories: Compare and contrast | Hands | Movies | Music | New Jersey | Stupidity | Teens | Violence | Posted 2009-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on John and Kate Plus 9MM
Chemistry lab professor: Families work well only if they are close-knit. Unlike those people who went and had eight kids. Who cares about them? I wish someone would just go shoot them.
Edison State College
Fort Myers, Florida
Overheard by: Chikara
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Florida | Kids | Murder | Teachers | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Need to Stop Watching Those Darned Kardashians, Sir.
Professor: You just need to expose yourself! That's how you better yourself!
Middle Tennessee State Univ
Murfreesboro, Tennessee
Overheard by: Libby K.
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Education | Teachers | Tennessee | Posted 2009-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whether They Like It or Not!
20-something guy: I'm gonna buff the shit out of my nails!
Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Body parts | Guys | Illinois | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Next to Making Undergrads Uncomfortable.
Professor: I advise you all to make love, at least once, outside in the rain. It's the best feeling in the world.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Mackenzie
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Feelings | New York | Sex | Teachers | Weather | Posted 2009-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Bravo TV Contestant!
School counselor, trying to get kids to guess a career: This person might work in fashion, or decorate houses...
Fourth grader: A gay guy!
Raleigh, North Carolina
Categories: Employees | Jobs & Careers | Kids | North Carolina | Sexuality | Posted 2009-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're the Only One Who Can See Me, Anyway.
Old guy to total stranger celebrating birthday: When you're young you can make love to six women at a time, but when you're old you can only make love to three women at a time.
Birthday man: Three women is plenty for me.
Old guy: Don't tell anyone I said that to you.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: coco
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Old folks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sex | Strangers | Posted 2009-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Guess I Have to Unbutton My Pants Now, Huh?
Boyfriend: You ask too many questions! For every question you ask, you have to give me a blowjob!
Girlfriend, happily: Okay!
Boyfriend: Damn it!
Jersey City, New Jersey
I Blame the Obamas!
Student #1: The professor wanted us to list our ten favorite books.
Student #2: So?
Student #1: All I could think of was "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie."
East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina
Categories: Animals | Books | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Food | North Carolina | Students | Stupidity | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
An Inflatable Friend
Old guy to friend: He got a new girl who works in the sex industry... and you know his fantasy has always been two women. I told him it'd never happen, but apparently it did. His girl has a friend who was willing to play along...
Holland, Michigan
Categories: Friends | Jobs & Careers | Kink | Michigan | Old folks | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Undocumented Immigrant Surrogates Exist
Sloppily-dressed teen girl to another: Do you know how many new outfits I would have to buy to carry a baby around for nine months?
Sam Houston State University
Huntsville, Texas
Or an Etch-a-Sketch Masterpiece.
Guy: So how's it going with Tom?
Girl: Good. He's stuck with me.
Guy: You're like a virus.
Girl: No, I'm more like something good you can't shake. Like a baby.
Derby, Connecticut
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Girls | Guys | Kids | Maladies | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Is There One In Your Office?
Thesis advisor to uncomfortable-looking advisees: You girls might be too young for it, but if you ever have the chance to have sex on a water bed, you should do it.
Colgate University
Madison County, New York
Categories: Advice | Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Education | New York | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's the Reason "the Bro" Was Invented
Girl #1: So apparently the hormones are kicking in. He's got boobs now.
Girl #2: Oh, come on! Let's be honest, he's always had boobs.
Carrboro, North Carolina
Categories: Gender issues | Girls | Health & Hygiene | North Carolina | Rack | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Giant Cock.
Little girl: I'm in love with a boy at my preschool.
Mom: Yeah? What's he like?
Little girl, shrugging: Blue eyes, blond hair, good skin.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: amy
Brad's Mistake Was Majoring in Women's Studies
Guy to friend: Why do I have such a small dick?
SUNY Binghamton
New York
He Hangs Around Outside Weight Watchers Meetings, Just Waiting
Girl #1, reading aloud from a magazine: Did you know there are only 13 blimps in the entire world?
Girl #2: What's a blimp?
Girl #1: I don't know, but Liam wants to be killed by one.
Birmingham, Alabama
Can't Wait for the Swallow-or-Spit Discussion
Instructor, during wine tasting: So swirl the glass and tell me what you smell.
Student: It smells like oak?
Instructor: Yeah! I'm definitely getting wood from this.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: me too
Categories: Colorado | Drinking & drunks | Education | Sensory experiences | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From How to Make a Straight Man Mince
Girl: Yeah, I dipped his junk in pie.
Wesleyan Residence Hall
Illinois
Overheard by: Confused Resident
Some DEA Plants Don't Even Try.
Hipster to another, after cigarette drag: So what do you think about heroin?
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: PJ
In Our Family, We Get Our Pornography from the Internet
Boy, holding bodice-ripper romance novel: Dad, is this a book for fifth-graders?
Distracted father: No. Put it back.
Boy: What is it?
Distracted father: Hardcore pornography. Put it back.
Fairwood, Washington
Overheard by: he was so hopeful
And I Was in the Boy Scouts.
Mover and shaker: I went to a military academy, I know about anal sex. I went to a military academy.
Austin, Texas
Not Even the Most Awkward Thing Involving an Eight-Sided Die
Cool guy to roommate: That's not even the most awkward thing you've walked in on me doing.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I don't even want to know.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ironically, They Were Dancing to "Walk Like an Egyptian"
Hairdresser to client in salon: I really like Egypt, you know? I feel like I have a connection to Egypt, like I was there in a past life. Like, I was watching this show on the History Channel about Egypt? Or some place? And they have three religions there? The first one was this religion where everybody kisses this wall? Mmm-mm-mm-mm. They were making out with this wall! They loved that wall. And then the next religion, god told Abraham to kill his son? What kind of crazy religion is that? And then the third religion was all these people standing up, and bending down.
Client: They were probably Muslims. They were praying towards Mecca...
Hairdresser: Uh huh. And I said to my boyfriend, "that's good exercise." I was going to watch more, but Dancing with the Stars was on.
Collingswood, New Jersey
Categories: Clients | Employees | Geography | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Murder | New Jersey | Parenting | Religion | TV shows | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Social Norms Are Different in the People's Republic
10-year-old boy to friend, about Austin Powers: Your mom let you watch that movie? She doesn't even let you have sugar!
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Kaitlen
These Are the Moments They'll Cherish Forever
Mom to six-year-old daughter: Naiya, you better not be swimming in that toilet, or I will punch you in the neck!
Restaurant Bathroom
Delaware
Overheard by: Laughing Neighbor
Categories: Body parts | Delaware | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Restaurants | Restroom | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Old Age Homes Are a Lot Like Prison...
Grandmother to granddaughter: Who knows? I might become a lesbian!
Arlington, Ohio
What Happens When You Tell Them There Are No Stupid Questions
Girl to teacher, about Underground Railroad: Wait... didn't the white people hear the train go by?
High School
Clark, New Jersey
Overheard by: Sweeney
Categories: Education | New Jersey | Public Transportation | Questions | Race | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After They Moved Him, I Found Five Dollars Under the Cushion!
Woman #1, at party: Oh, hi, Lisa, how are you?
Woman #2, shrugging: Okay, I guess.
Woman #1: Where's your husband? Did you bring John with you?
Woman #2: Oh, you didn't hear? John died two weeks ago. He died sitting in his chair.
Kentucky
Categories: Death & dying | Family ties | Kentucky | Questions | Relationships | Women | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or, Put More Eloquently, "What What (In the Butt)?"
Woman on toilet: What the fuck is going on with my ass?
Medford, Massachusetts
Categories: Ass | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Poop | Questions | Restroom | Women | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And a Fun and Flirty One
Girl, returning from holidays in America: So yeah, I got put in actual jail.
Friend: For drinking on the beach?
Girl: Yup, got the orange jumpsuit and all.
Friend: Did you get to keep it?
Girl: I didn't like to ask, to be honest. Would've been a savage souvenir, though.
UCC Campus
Ireland
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Crimes | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Girls | Holidays | Ireland | Questions | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But They Get Mad When I Try to Study Them
Guy #1: So how's your women studies class going?
Guy #2: Good! There's so many fine bitches.
Subway
Manhattan, New York
Tonight, on No-Context Theatre...
Guy #1: So, where can we get another guy like Brian to drink a lot of water?
Guy #2: Well, Phyllis is out of work.
Guy #1: Who's Phyllis?
Guy #2: She's this really good PR girl. Like a rotten tomato.
Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sunny
Categories: Compare and contrast | Drinking & drunks | Food | Guys | Massachusetts | Questions | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You Pregnant?
Girlfriend: You still have Jack Daniels in my fridge! All nice and frozen. Well, it's not frozen because alcohol has a high freezing point, but it's been in there for months so it's as "frozen" as it's gonna get, well, not really because...
Stressed-out boyfriend: Woman! Too many words in that sentence!
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Couples | Drinking & drunks | Gripes | New Jersey | Science | Words | Posted 2009-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Men Are Easily Distracted
Man: You know the black guy from Transformers? You know who I'm talking about?
Woman: Megan Fox?
Man: Yeah.
Holland, Michigan
You Expected More from Louisiana?
Coach to middle school swim team: I don't care if there's lightning! Get in the pool and put on your flippers! The rubber will absorb the shock!
Swimming Pool
Louisiana
Doesn't Explain Why Cassie's Eating Everyone's Brain
Guy: Oh, look! It's a full moon. Maybe that's why we're all crazy.
Girl: Maybe it's all the booze and drugs.
Grayling, Michigan
Overheard by: Cabin in the woods
Do You Like Origami?
Senior citizen: You should see my dick. I only had a quarter of it circumcised.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: b! X
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | Old folks | Overheard in PDX | Penis | Posted 2009-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If God Were Irish
Teenage girl: Potato chips are like flakes of god's skin.
Rumson, New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Food | God | New Jersey | Teens | Posted 2009-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Ben and Jerry Are Such Studs
Girl to friend: And he tried to order frozen yogurt, so I didn't sleep with him. If you want to bang me, you have to eat full-fat ice cream!
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Diet & weight | Food | Friends | Girls | Pennsylvania | Sex | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But Wait: Your Girlfriend?
Dude #1: So, I'm trying to get my girlfriend to cancel her wedding to her friggin abusive boyfriend.
Dude #2: Wait! Your girlfriend?
Dude #1: Yeah, my girlfriend. Her boyfriend beats the shit out of her.
Dude #2: Word?
Dude #1: I mean, it's such a waste of money! They gotta spend money on the hotel and the reception. Such a waste, right?
Dude #2: I guess...
NYS Fair
Syracuse, New York
Why Stupid People Will Always Outnumber Smart People: Explained
Teen girl #1: You know, I wish we had some sort of pregnancy switch that we can turn on and off at will. That way, when we have one night stands, we can just turn 'em off, and, voila! No baby!
Teen girl #2: We do. They're called diagrams.
Teen girl #3: You mean "diaphragms."
Teen girl #2: Whatever.
Starbucks
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Leila
A Damsel in Distress Can Count on a Guy Peeing on Her
Teen girl #1: I wish a jellyfish would sting me so some handsome guy would run along the beach, whip out his dick and pee on me.
Teen girl #2: What?
Teen girl #1: To neutralize the sting, dumbass.
Teen girl #2: I know that. But still: what?
Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia
They Should Put a Camera in There, Like at Spash Mountain
Girl #1: Walking is the most natural form of transportation.
Girl #2: Or the birth canal. It's like America's water slide.
Friendswood, Texas
Categories: Compare and contrast | Girls | Pregnancy | Texas | Vagina | Posted 2009-09-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Could Spend Hours Complaining to Them About the High Price Of Orange Juice, If We Wanted!
Lady, looking out the window at Mini Cooper: But it's no good for me--it doesn't have any backdoors for the grandkids!
Son-in-law: But that's great! Then they can't get out!
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Cassie Barlow
Some Of Emily Dickinson's Later Work Fell a Bit Short
Literature substitute teacher: Did I hear that correctly? Did you say "Please don't rape me with your feelings"?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: yep, your hearing is perfect.
Categories: Education | Feelings | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Teachers | Violence | Posted 2009-09-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When a Couple's Goals Conflict
Flamboyant gay guy #1, whispering discretely: I'm going to do you so hard when we get home.
Flamboyant gay guy #2, not whispering: I'm going to shit in your mouth.
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: MB
You Taking Evisceration and Dismemberment Next Term?
Girl #1, about classes she's taking: Oh, yeah, and then there's Murder and Genocide.
Girl #2: That sounds awesome!
Girl #1: I know, right?
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
To Use a Completely Hypothetical Anecdote
Professor: Fluorine is to chlorine as chlorine is to Kool-Aid. If you inhale chlorine, it burns your nose--you inhale fluorine and it'll eat your face and look for your family.
San Diego State University
San Diego, California
Categories: Body parts | California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Family ties | Health & Hygiene | Science | Sensory experiences | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Child Psychologists Exist
Father, explaining electrical cables to teenage son: Yeah, she's got a transvestite in her wall. But you can convert the tranny back to a female, using the thing in the wall.
Wellington, New Zealand
Overheard by: Jordyn
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Gender issues | New Zealand | Parenting | Science | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-09-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Really? I Was Just Talking About You!
Girl #1: Oh my god, I'm so glad Sammy didn't come tonight.
Girl #2: I'm Sammy.
Women's Bathroom
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: I was in a cubicle. Oh, to have seen their faces.
The Cherry Poppin' Daddies Are on Tour Again
Teacher, on first day of school: So, did anything particularly exciting happen during your vacation?
Loud teenage girl at back of room: I lost my virginity... three times!
Edmonton
Alberta
Canadia
Earlier Today?
Teenage boy: Hey, James, don't you remember when you stuck Smarties down your shirt and rubbed them on your nipples?
On the Bus
Canadia
Overheard by: Kels
Jesus Wept.
5th grade girl: And he says to me, "you are so stupid," and I say to him, "you are more stupid than me." Then he says "nuh-uh, you more stupider than anybody." And I'm said, "whatever, stupid!"
Tennessee
Overheard by: beth
Categories: Compare and contrast | Insults | Students | Stupidity | Tennessee | Posted 2009-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Didn't I See This in Kindergarten Cop?
Teacher, pointing to female student: You have ovaries. (pointing to self) I have testes.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Balls | Body parts | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Education | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dan: "Wrong Enough to Be Right?"
Girl in class: Dan, can you spread me out? (pause) Oh, that sounded wrong.
University of Northern Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Offers and requests | Sex | Students | Words | Posted 2009-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The First Season Of The Simple Life Was Rich with Conflict
Abnormally skinny girl: I feel fat.
Normal girl: Shut up before I smother you with my muffin top.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: seward
Categories: Anorexics | Diet & weight | Feelings | Food | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Threats | Posted 2009-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Guns Vs. Butter Model Of Parenting
Dad: Do you want to get McDonald's?
Boy, screaming: No!
Dad: Do you want to get Burger King?
Boy: No!
Dad: Do you want to get ice cream?
Boy: No!
Dad: Do you want to get machine guns?
Boy: Yes.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Lacy
Small, but Wired
Female yuppie: When my daughter was nine months old, she was eating tiramisu... with espresso in it!
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Kab00m
Your Editors Are on Irony Overload
Wangsta on cell: Dude, how the hell am I supposed to carry a 14-inch Mickey Mouse piñata?
(short pause) Well, I guess I could just stuff it in my messenger bag.
University
San Francisco, California
Categories: Colleges & Universities | On the phone | Questions | San Francisco | Stupidity | Thugs | Toys | Posted 2009-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'm Sure You'll Locate Your Suitcase-- Bwahaha!
Passenger trying to find lost baggage: Excuse me! Do you work for United?
Airline steward: No! Oh no! Thank god!
P.E. Trudeau Airport
Montreal
Canadia
Categories: Airports & flights | Canadia | Clients | Flight attendants | Jobs & Careers | Public Transportation | Questions | Posted 2009-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Can Finally See Things Clearly.
Hipster guy: Are you going to bed?
Hipster girl: No. I just don't know man. I feel like my head is full of Saran wrap.
Virginia Tech
Blacksburg, Virginia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Health & Hygiene | Hipsters | Questions | Sensory experiences | Virginia | Posted 2009-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Being Black at the Store!
Mom to child yelling and running around: Quit it! You embarrassin' me in front of the white folk!
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: A white folk
And They Love Drinking Out Of Coke Bottles
Mother to young son: The sign says that polar bears are carnivores. That means they eat mostly plants, but will eat meat when they can find it.
Henry Vilas Zoo
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: weeping for the future
Wait-- Are Periods Supposed to Have Placentas?
Sarcastic teenage girl to mom: Guess who just got their period three days before prom!
Mom, putting hand over heart and exhaling in relief: Oh, thank god!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Jon
Categories: Education | Health & Hygiene | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pregnancy | Teens | Posted 2009-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Else Go to College?
Frat guy, after taking a hit from a blunt and smoking a cigarette: I feel like I spend the majority of my day inhaling something.
University of Wisconsin
Madison, Wisconsin
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drugs | Frat boy types | Smoking | Time Management | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Self-conscious Enough About Her Stigmata
Girl: Stop talking about my sister's holes!
Denmark
Categories: Europe | Family ties | Girls | Vagina | Posted 2009-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Airlines Don't Even Pretend to Care Anymore
Guy on cell: Well, there's a chance you'll get burns all over your body, but other than that you should be fine.
Louisville, Kentucky
Categories: Body parts | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Kentucky | On the phone | Posted 2009-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Difficult-to-Pronounce Furniture?
Professor, exasperated: Don't you guys know anything about education in Sweden? Or anything about Sweden at all?
Physical education major: Yeah, that's where we get those Swiss Army knives.
Education Class
Ohio State University
Overheard by: i can't believe these people are going to be teachers...
Trust Me-- The Cat Will Love It.
Professor on cell: Okay, okay, so get it nice and wet and then put it on.
Ventura College
Ventura, California
Overheard by: Katherine
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | On the phone | Sex | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Any Questions?
Woman, showing friend around: And this skyline is where I had my first pregnancy test. It was negative.
Ludlow
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Alison
Categories: Friends | Memory lane | Ohio | Pregnancy | Women | Posted 2009-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If the SATs Were Actually Useful for Life
Teacher: What word do you think would fit there?
Student: Uh... "clusterfuck"?
Denver, Colorado
Dear O.J. ...
Businessman: I know! Because what was I supposed to kill him with---my driver? Can you even use a golf club for that sort of thing?
Arlington, Virginia
Another Ticket and I Lose My License
Pilot standing at door to plane after pulling into gate: Shit! I totally didn't mean to park here!
Airport
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Categories: Airports & flights | Colorado | Pilots | Public Transportation | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Means the Chili Was Juuuust Right
Four-year-old child, excitedly, holding mother's hand: My butt is burning!
Maine
In This Case, She Meant to Stun, Not Kill
Taxi cab driver: She ain't big, but she ain't little, you know. (pause) Broke that bottle over Anna head, but she mean well.
Sierra Vista, Arizona
Overheard by: K
Categories: Arizona | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Conductors | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's an Old Version Of My Medical History
Guy: I do not have seven sets of penises!
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
And Where're All the Lines? I Demand Lines!
High maintenance chick #1: You know, the French quarter at Disney is so much better than this.
High maintenance chick #2: Yeah, right, huh? This place is so dirty!
French Quarter
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: yeah, that big storm and all...
Categories: Chicks | Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Idiots | Louisiana | Pop culture | Posted 2009-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ladies, Please Watch Your Actions.
Female track jock, to friend: So I had this fucking hair up my fucking ass.
Private school football coach, overhearing: Ladies, please watch you language.
Female track jock: I had a hair up my butt.
El Paso, Texas
So I Bought This Tape Recorder
Indian entrepreneur: I am tired of listening to people talking. I want to listen to me talking.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: rich
Categories: Bosses | Bringing it back to you | Gripes | Overheard in PDX | Wishes | Posted 2009-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Wants to Volunteer for My First Demonstration?
Economics professor, discussing equilibrium in trade curves: When you reach that point, the climax, everyone can go home satisfied and exhausted. So as you can imagine, we're going to fool around with these curves quite a bit.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: au
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Eavesdrop DC | Education | Sensory experiences | Sex | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
U.S. Citizens Will Either Not Understand This or Be Hurt by It
Gay guy to another: Yeah, cuz there's nothing like listening to Americans talk about their feelings to let you know what's really going on in the world.
Starbucks
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Feelings | Queers | Stupidity | Posted 2009-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Raise Your Hand If You're Married to Her
Woman, looking at exhibit containing jellyfish: But where are their brains? Where do you think their brains are? Where would they keep their brains? Where are the brains? Where are their brains? The brains? Where do you think they keep the brains? Huh... I wonder where their brains are?
Aquarium
North Carolina
Overheard by: Kellllyyyyy
Categories: Animals | Body parts | North Carolina | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Cum-stained Pants Were Also a Tip-Off
Professor to another: I saw you walk in with your purse, messenger bag, and backpack. You've been having sex again?
USC School of Social Work
California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Fashion | Questions | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Invented by Mister Newton.
Professor: So, I can see that some of you try to care about my feelings, and others don't give a fig.
Student #1: Whoa! Could you not use such harsh vegetables?
(entire class goes silent)
Student #2: I didn't know a "fig" was a vegetable.
Student #3: I thought it was a grape. A dried grape.
Johnson & Wales University
Providence, Rhode Island
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Feelings | Food | Rhode Island | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There Are Muslims in Utah?
Boy: Why do you wear that on your head?
Muslim girl, indifferently: So the aliens don't read my brain.
High School
Utah
Overheard by: I need one of those!
Categories: Body parts | Clothes | Girls | Guys | Questions | Religion | Religious fanatics | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Utah | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Just Supposed to Be Having Sex Shamefully in Cars and Stairwells
Boy: Yo soy sexy.
Teacher, hyperventilating: You can't say you're sexy! You're only fifteen years old!
Spanish Class
El Paso, Texas
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | Bragging | Education | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Texas | Posted 2009-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whoo Hoo, I Just Used All My Words Of the Day!
Girl on cell: It's going to fucking rain in circa one hour.
University of Pennsylvania
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: grad student
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Girls | Insults | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Weather | Words | Posted 2009-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Doesn't Mean I Don't Love You, Dad.
Young college woman on cell: No! No, you may not wear my underwear!
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: silver spring
Categories: Clothes | Eavesdrop DC | Offers and requests | On the phone | Students | Undies | Posted 2009-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Anything With Diane Keaton
Woman #1, coming out of movie theater: I want to see Zombieland when it comes out.
Woman #2: That's way too scary for you.
Woman #1: No, it's not!
Woman #2: You couldn't handle Coraline.
Woman #1: Because that movie is terrifying! (shudders)
Denver, Colorado
I Hate This Country and Its Degenerate Cinema!
Frustrated man with heavy Arabic accent to wife: I got the most chicky-flick movies I could find!
Supermarket
Connecticut
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Couples | Gender issues | Movies | Stores | Posted 2009-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or the Redistribution Of Wealth
Woman: I'm all for a reign of terror, but nothing that involves Winnie the Pooh.
Portland, Maine
So Get Your Velma Over Here and Let's Party.
Man on cell, about his genitals: Yeah, it's shaped up like a 'fro on a Scooby Doo Chia Pet.
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Balls | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Guys | Hair | On the phone | TV shows | Toys | Posted 2009-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You're Drunk Now, Amber.
Girl #1: So, yeah, when the cops like think you're kinda drunk or something, they'll get you to do the ABCs.
Girl #2: What? I can't even do that when I'm sober! I'll try now. A, b, c, d, e, f... then j, maybe?
High School Gym Class
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Myr Myr
Categories: Canadia | Crimes | Drinking & drunks | Girls | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Posted 2009-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Many Of My Students, Strangely Enough.
Science professor: This is plastic deformation, like what happens to those baby-seal catchers. You know, the plastic that comes around soda cans? Sometimes you catch penguins too, but those are much harder--they run really fast, and they have no regard for their bodies. They just throw themselves off cliffs.
Boston University
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Animals | Birds | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Science | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Much Like My Soul!
Girl on cell: Yeah, so I'm going to tell my mom that he asked me to marry him, and then he died. (pause) Yeah, she'll probably ask if I need anything, and that's when I'll tell her about the car. (pause) Yeah, I'll be heartbroken, blah, blah, blah... at least I'll get a new car out of the deal! (pause) He's a made-up boyfriend! She's not going to find out he didn't really die, because he never really existed!
San Marcos, California
Categories: California | Death & dying | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | Lies | On the phone | Parenting | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hold On-- Lemme Just Wipe It for Her
Annoyed lady on cell in bathroom stall: Mmm- hmmm... uh-huh, mmm-hmm, yep. Oh, before that, can you tell her to lick my ass, too?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I hope she?s not talking about me.
Categories: Ass | Licking | Offers and requests | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Restroom | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to Their Publicists
Passerby to two women getting off elevator with a double stroller with white and black babies: Uh-oh!
Women: Oh, it's okay. They're just friends.
Elevator, Westchester Mall
White Plains, New York
And Occasionally Fellate.
Guy: So who are you meeting here? Some friends?
Girl, sighing: I wouldn't necessarily call them my friends, they're just people I eat with.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Wait, what?
Categories: Food | Girls | Guys | Questions | Relationships | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Traditional Women Expect a High Return on Their Investment
20-something artist: She's pretty puritanical for someone who gets naked for money.
Portland, Oregon
When I Finally Mastered Writing My Name in Urine
13-year-old boy, jumping all over the place: It was a feeling of pure urethra!
Perth
Western Australia
Australia
Overheard by: he didn't really think that one through
Categories: Australia | Body parts | Feelings | Tweens | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where Was It Again?
Woman in next dressing room: Oh my god, I always forget about my tattoo!
The Gap
Ridgewood, New Jersey
Categories: Fashion | New Jersey | Tattoos | Women | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Like Mental Calisthenics, You'll Love This Quote!
17-year-old mom: And she thought that you were my mom!
18-year-old friend, gesturing to baby: Wait... so is this your sister or my grandchild?
Northampton, Massachusetts
Categories: Family ties | Friends | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yet You Divorced Your Third Husband for Peeing in Your Shoes?
Woman on cell: I've been through many husbands, but the dog has been with me for 14 years! Men can be replaced but the dog stays!
Bellingham, Washington
Overheard by: sara
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Feelings | On the phone | Relationships | Time Management | Washington | Women | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Thought You Didn't Want To?
Mom to toddler girl: What fish should we get today? Salmon or tilapia or flounder?
Toddler girl: Is that "flounder" like in Little Mermaid?
Mom: Well, it's a fish, like flounder was.
Toddler girl: I want to eat flounder! Let's cook him. Mommy, can we eat Nemo too?
Costco
Fairfax, Virginia
Meet the Inventor Of Coaster Pasties
Drunk teacher: Those aren't coasters, they're pasties. (holds them up to her breasts)
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Heather
Categories: California | Clothes | Clothing | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Rack | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fabio's Kids Are Quite the Handful
Mother to daughter: I think it's time to cut your hair again.
Daughter: No! I don't want it cut! You only cut it a few weeks ago! It's not fair! Why can't I have long hair? (pointing at passenger) She has long hair! (pointing at girl) She has long hair. Everyone has long hair except for me!
Son, smugly: Except for boys. (pause) But daddy has long hair...
Daughter: Even daddy has long hair! She has long hair, she has long hair--everyone has long hair except for me!
Perth
Australia
Overheard by: Emily B.
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Family | Family ties | Hair | Moms | Parenting | Siblings | Strangers | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on Keeping Up With the Judashians
Teenybopper #1: So I haven't had my period in like six weeks!
Teenybopper #2: Girl, that means you must be pregnant!
Teenybopper #1: No, cuz then I'd have to be, like, a female Jesus!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Jesus | Massachusetts | Pregnancy | Teens | Posted 2009-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Life Gives You Avocados...
Checker, as customer places avocados on the belt: Are these lemons?
Grocery Store
Centerville, Utah
Overheard by: JC
What Happens When Mom Isn't Around to Stop Him
Greasy man, with greasy chick hanging on him: On the walls! Cum all over the windows! Cum cum cum, I loooove to cum!
Harvard Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Savannah and Alena
Categories: Chicks | Cum | Guys | Massachusetts | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, or the Mescaline Is Finally Kicking In.
Man with Mohawk on cell: Okay, so I'm not technically the father but there are 27 baby boa constrictors over here that all have Mohawks.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: cgt
Categories: Animals | Family ties | Guys | Hair | Illinois | On the phone | Parenting | Posted 2009-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Make Our Points Without Using the Word "Whatever"
Girl in anthropology class: So... Islam says that men can marry four wives, but women can only marry one husband. Whatever.
Professor: Let's try to maintain some cultural relativism!
Collegeville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: nina
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Education | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Religion | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Explains the Sweatpants
Drunk girl to guy she just met: I'm not having sex with you!
Drunk guy: That's okay, I'm on my period.
Montreal
Quebec
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Health & Hygiene | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2009-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Global Theologicalear Destruction
Friend to another: Then he dropped the f-bomb of god!
Cleveland, Ohio
Thanks, President Obama!
White hipster to others: I've noticed the black kids in Harlem are starting to wear skinny jeans and skateboard. It's great... 'cause it's, like, cool to be smart again.
Massachussetts
She Doesn't Deserve a Prince Like Me
Guy #1, during a college basketball game: Dude! I saw my ex, Bea, down there!
Guy #2: Really?
Guy #1: Yeah. She got fat! Fuck you, bitch! (high fives guy #1)
Araneta Coliseum
Manila
The Philippines
Overheard by: VM
Categories: Asia | Death & dying | Guys | Insults | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Reader Poll: Is This Racist?
Girl: Promise me you won't fall in love with a Mexican while you're gone and leave me forever.
Boy: You're so racist sometimes.
Girl: I can't help it!
International Airport
Portland, Oregon
Well I Love the Way You Answer the Phone!
Woman on porch to man on porch: I really like the way you tell Jack to get off the couch!
Pacifica, California
Categories: California | Compliments | Guys | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next Time, Actually Read My Nametag.
Drunk chick: Haha, you're a cheeky queen.
Drunk queer: Don't call me a cheeky queen! I'm a dirty bitch!
Provincetown, Massachusetts
This Would Be a Great Porno Opening.
Professor, near the end of two-hour lecture, taking a few deep breaths: I'm losing it myself, I'm bored!
Michigan State University
Overheard by: almost-facinated student
Wait-- Purge First!
Drunk girl: Okay... I had three sausages, I gotta go to bed.
Drunk guy: Three? I had like eight shots earlier!
Drunk girl: No. Not shots, sausages.
Drunk guy: Oh my god! You ate three sausages? Go to bed!
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Pukey
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Florida | Food | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Enemy Of My Imaginary Enemy Is My Imaginary Friend
Hip-hop thug on train bursts out, to no one in particular: Fuck you, man!
(spits on floor) You don't like it, do somethin' 'bout it. (pause) You want my dick? You want to be on my dick?
(silence).
Chica sitting opposite: Who are you talking to?
(hip-hop thug mumbles)
Chica: I don't think anyone wants to be on your dick.
Boston, Massachusetts
Today, Young Tommy, You Are a Man.
Panicked child, between gasps: Why... do I... keep... burping?
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Burping & farting | Canadia | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Questions | Posted 2009-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next Thing You Know, You've Blogged Yourself 5-10 With Good Behavior
Big, sweaty man: No, you need to stay offa that Facebook, offa that MySpace, because when they need evidence, that's where they look first.
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: slightly suspicious
Oh, Now You're a Doctor?
Freshman boy: I think I have gingivitis.
Friend: You can't get gingivitis on your hand!
High School
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: shiny
Categories: Friends | Hands | Maladies | Massachusetts | Students | Posted 2009-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All He Knows Is "The Girl with the Binoculars"
Eleven-year-old girl to friends: I know him but he doesn't know me.
The Drive
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Fred
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Friends | Kids | Relationships | Posted 2009-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All I Mean Is, You Really Stand for Something.
Lady in suit to man in wheelchair: Well, you're quick on your feet, I'll give you that. You're quick on your feet... Oh.
Summer Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Julianna
Categories: Body parts | Disabled | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Suits | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Don't Want to Go to Grandma's, Just Say So.
Mom: I'll shoot you, then you'll shoot me, and we won't have to go anywhere.
Daughter: Mom...?
Mom: What? I'm just saying. If we shot each other we couldn't go anywhere, anyways.
Dressing Room in Mall
Pennsylvania
Categories: Family | Girls | Malls | Moms | Murder | Parenting | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Stupidity | Posted 2009-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Girls Next Door Workout Video It Is, Then.
Teenage girl: We can't rent anything with class.
Blockbuster
Orlando, Florida
...Which Is Also What Tom Said.
Girl #1: So what are we looking for here?
Girl #2, distractedly: A birthday card for my boyfriend Tom*. (pauses) I mean...
Girl #1: Oh my god, you totally just called your best friend your boyfriend! If that's not a huge Freudian slip, I don't know what is.
Girl #2: Freud can suck my dick!
Culpeper, Virginia
Overheard by: freudian follower
Categories: Gifts | Girls | Insults | Mental illnesses | Questions | Relationships | Shopping | Virginia | Posted 2009-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Been Wearing These Same Sweatpants Since 1997
Chick: I don't care about what anyone else does. I barely care about what I do.
Fleetwood, New York
Overheard by: Deek
Just Say No to Jesus, Kids
Teen girl #1: He offered it to me in church--I mean, who offers someone marijuana in church?
Teen girl #2: When else could he do it?
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Colleen
Categories: Christianity | Drugs | New York | Questions | Teens | Posted 2009-09-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yes. Yes I Have.
Girl #1: What are those dots underneath the sign?
Girl #2: You're so dumb, haven't you heard of language for the deaf?
Bus Station
Tønsberg
Norway
Overheard by: Håkon
The One in Your Office Is for You to Explain
Guy in hallway on cell, in Arabic: Next time, tell her it was my riding crop in your bedroom.
Halifax
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Guys | Kink | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guys In Wheelchairs Get All the Breaks
Giddy girl, to guy in a wheelchair: Well, you certainly have sexual harassment down pat.
Art Department
University of Alaska
But I Just Sat in the Waiting Room and Read Magazines
Girl #1: I got a lot of color without being in the sun very much; just in the car.
Girl #2: I'm so jealous!
Girl #1: Well, I also went to the tanning salon...
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Lies | Posted 2009-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, Even Hoboes Have Bad Days
Preppy guy on cell: Really? He didn't spit on me when I fed him the other day.
Cal Poly Pomona
Pomona, California
Overheard by: sorry, my llama is unpredictable
Categories: California | Food | Health & Hygiene | On the phone | Preppies | Posted 2009-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Debate About Renée Zellweger Rages on
Guy: That's an unfortunate-looking girl.
Girl: She has Down syndrome.
Guy: I'm going to hell.
University of Florida
Overheard by: Nick
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Evil | Florida | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Mental illnesses | Posted 2009-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mating Season Can Be Brutal in Canadia
Girl: This entire city smells like vagina.
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Girls | Sensory experiences | Vagina | Posted 2009-09-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, Yes, and by 'Yes' I Mean 'No.'
Girl: If Mary was a virgin, wouldn't Jesus have had to kick through the placenta to be born?
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Can't stop thinking about that now at Christmas
Your Plot Summary Of The Grapes Of Wrath Leaves Something to Be Desired
Stoner guy: So he turned around and there were aliens in the back seat. Then he said, "Yay! Now we can have a hoe down!"
Western Kentucky University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drugs | Kentucky | Sensory experiences | Sex | Stoners | Weirdness | Posted 2009-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like, One Containing a Central Venous Line
Middle-aged rich bitch on cell: I'll pay up to $300 for a hat I can't live without, you know?
Washington, DC
Categories: Biotechs | Clothes | Clothing | Money | On the phone | Shopping | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're the Worst Fairy Godfather Ever.
Sweet old man: How are ya, girls?
Teen girls: Better if we had some whiskey.
Gold Coast Big Day Out
Australia
Overheard by: yo bitch
Categories: Australia | Drinking & drunks | Old folks | Questions | Teens | Posted 2009-09-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Do They Procreate?
Girl: The squid's like an octopus, don't you think?
Older woman: There's no pussy about it.
Birmingham
England
Overheard by: Helz