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August 2009 Archives
They Really Need Better Facebook Pictures
Girl: Can you poke the Mars Bars?
Guy: They don't feel white.
Girl: Do they feel brown?
Guy: Yep, they feel brown.
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
New Teen Slang for "It's Radical!"
Student #1, viewing political cartoons of Egypt: There's a face on that rock!
Student #2: Because it's the sphynx!
New Hampshire
Categories: History | New Hampshire | Pop culture | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Everyone in That Detrol Commercial
Guy, suddenly getting up from table: Gotta go!
Girl #1: Where's he going?
Girl #2: Maybe he's Superman.
Wilfrid Laurier University
Waterloo, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: mookie
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Guys | Pop culture | Questions | Posted 2009-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why I Could Never Teach Middle School
13-year-old preppy white girl: It be sneakah time, ya'll!
Deptford Mall
Deptford, New Jersey
Categories: Kids | Language barrier | Malls | New Jersey | Preppies | Stupidity | Teens | Whiteys | Posted 2009-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Licking Above the Waist!
Girlfriend: Hold my hand, Eric. Please.
Boyfriend, yelling: No! Just stop it, okay?
Girlfriend: Come on. Just hold my hand.
Boyfriend: No! I'm not doing that again.
Girlfriend, laughing: Aw, why not?
Boyfriend: Because last time you licked my face!
Lawrenceville, New Jersey
Overheard by: Jake
Categories: Body parts | Couples | Hands | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nobody Ever Asked Elvis That
14-year-old boy #1: Dude, try my sunnies on! They're super dark!
(boy #1 hands glasses over to boy #2)
14-year-old boy #2: Cool, they are pretty dark!
14-year-old boy #3: Hey, cool! They totally go with your hair!
14-year-old boy #2: Are you queer?
Perth
Western Australia
Australia
Yeah, and I Had to Put Them Down!
Teen #1: Why didn't you send it to me?
Teen #2: I don't know. I sent you the humping cats.
Harrison, Michigan
Overheard by: Lauren
Um, Books About Dildos?
Janeane Garofalo incarnate, walking past adult bookstore: What more does a feminist need than dildos and books?
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: A. N. Cargo
Otherwise Known As the "Hockey Team" Effect
Anthropology professor: So they tried so hard to be hetero that they just came out being really homo...
Class: (laughs)
Anthropology professor: ...geneous.
Bucknell University
Lewisburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Peter
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Pennsylvania | Science | Sexuality | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Tommy Keeps Motorboating Them.
Boy: There are cleavages on the top of page 221.
High School
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Education | Guys | Rack | Posted 2009-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Trade You for Two Gonorrheas and a Scabies.
Girl, walking barefoot under the rain: Oh, the joys of Richmond. We are so gonna get hepatitis.
Bag lady: No! Don't do that, but if you do... give me some!
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: singing in the rain
Categories: Bag ladies | Girls | Maladies | Offers and requests | Virginia | Weather | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Worked Really Hard to Steal Them.
Hobo: Hey, can you spare some change?
Girl: Sorry, I only have cards.
Austin, Texas
Categories: Girls | Hobos | Money | Panhandling | Posted 2009-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was More Of an Excuse for Two Guys to Have Sex
Girl to friend: Your first time was a three-way?
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Friends | Girls | Massachusetts | Questions | Sex | Posted 2009-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Doesn't Fulfill Such Pedestrian Requests
Girl #1: I wish we had the same size feet.
Girl #2: Well, it's your fault.
Girl #1: How is it my fault? It's not like one day I woke up and was like, "yo Jesus, make my feet three sizes bigger than my sister's."
Roosevelt Field
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: greg
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Girls | Jesus | New York | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, I Named the Breast "Sketchy Bastard"
Guy to girlfriend after late-night party: You name a breast after me, but you don't trust me?
West End
Portland, Maine
Um, Willingly?
Chick to makeup artist: I want you to make me look like someone who just lost their virginity.
MAC Store
Toronto
Canadia
Like in Revenge Of the Dairy Fairy!
Woman on cell: Dude, you guys drink milk like cows!
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Nance
Categories: Animals | California | Compare and contrast | Food | On the phone | Women | Posted 2009-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Sex Ed Works Too Well.
Biology teacher: Can anyone give me an example of a parasite?
Girl: A baby!
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Tangent
And I'm Finished with the Scavenger Hunt
Guy on cell: Now I just need to get jumped.
Boston Common
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: not the best place to shout that out
Categories: Guys | Massachusetts | On the phone | Sex | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, You'll Just Look for Any Excuse to Wear Tights
30-something guy : Growing up sucks. If I knew it was going to be like this I would have put on some tights and run away to fucking Neverland.
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Gripes | Guys | Posted 2009-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kid Surprises Are Fun, but Illegal
Woman #1, approaching register counter: Ooh! Kinder eggs! I love those things!
Woman #2: What are they?
Woman #1: They're chocolate! With something inside!
Cashier: They're hollow chocolate eggs.
Woman #1: With a surprise inside!
Woman #2: Ew!
Cashier: It's a toy.
Woman #2: Oh. A toy.
Cashier: Whoa, okay, just imagine you were a kid again, and what a surprise meant when you were a kid.
Woman #2: I know... I know. It's just, adult surprises are never fun.
Woman #1, walking out of store: What were you thinking it was going to be? A penis that would squirt all over you?
Woman #2: You never know! Adult surprises are always bad!
San Francisco, California
...By Mixing Glue With Sawdust
Ten-year-old girl walking on cut down tree: Oh, I bet this is what they make wood out of!
Cambridge
Ontario
Canadia
Is This Any More Stupid Than the Political Interpretation? Discuss.
Teenage girl #1, explaining Shakespeare to friend: So, basically, Romeo is, like, a man whore. As soon as he knows some chick won't have sex with him he gets all pissy and emo and goes after someone else.
Teenage girl #2: So, like, he just wants to make babies? Man, I always thought it was more romantic!
Teenage girl #1: Nope. He just wants to hop into bed with whoever's available.
Birmingham, Alabama
Maybe She's Good at It
Teenage girl #1: I don't understand how she has a boyfriend! She is so ugly!
Teenage girl #2: It's obviously because she puts out.
Teenage girl #1: So do I!
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: I'll be your boyfriend
How to Tell If Someone's on Parole
Scruffy dude picking up cell with fart noises as ringtone: Hi, honey.
Family Video
Brockport, New York
Overheard by: swear it was the phone
Categories: Burping & farting | Cell phones | Guys | New York | On the phone | Relationships | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Not Sure Purell Addiction Is Quite the Same Thing
40-something guy: Dr. Phil man, he showed up for Britney, maybe he'll show up for me.
Airport Baggage Claim
Newark, New Jersey
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: About celebrities | Airports & flights | Gossip | Guys | New Jersey | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like on That Episode Of Sliders
Woman on cell: Everyone's a Jew, except for the Jews!
Livonia, Michigan
Categories: Michigan | On the phone | Race | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What If Learn Something?
Girl navigating display tables during Culture Day event at school: I hate cultures.
Columbus, Ohio
Categories: Girls | Gripes | Ohio | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Best Boss I've Ever Had!
Girl: So Jack sucked my thumb today.
Friends: Really?
Girl: Yeah, he sucked my thumb, then wiped his snot on my arm, licked my leg, and told me he wanted to go to the office.
Simsbury, Connecticut
Overheard by: rehreh88
Categories: Body parts | Connecticut | Friends | Girls | Hands | Health & Hygiene | Licking | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What If It's an Acquired Taste?
Woman #1: Hey, check this out.
Woman #2: What? Gross! Is that bacon? Is there really bacon in there?
Woman #1: Looks like it.
Cashier: I haven't personally tried it, but everyone who has says it's really good.
Woman #1: I bet it is!
Woman #2: No way. I mean... that's just too weird. Bacon? In chocolate? That's almost like bisexuality: I want to try it, but, I don't.
San Francisco, California
Categories: Compare and contrast | Employees | Food | San Francisco | Sexuality | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Going for Drinks After Work Can Be a Minefield
Girl #1: Get your hand out of your crotch!
Girl #2: It's not in my crotch!
Girl #1: Yeah, well it's in my way!
Girl #2: (laughs)
Girl #1: No, no, no, no! Wait! No!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Body parts | Girls | Massachusetts | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Salem's Kind Of a Dead Town
Gay hairdresser: Ew, I don't think I could handle seeing dead people all gross and stuff!
Teenage girl getting haircut: You know, it's really not that bad... I kinda like it!
Straight hairdresser: Working downtown scares me sometimes...
Salem, Oregon
Categories: Clients | Compare and contrast | Coworkers | Death & dying | Fears | Oregon | Queers | Teens | Posted 2009-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Like a Two-Legged Redbook Magazine
Pretentious student to professor: There were a lot of people there. Interesting people. But most of them weren't as interesting as me.
University of Maine
Orono, Maine
Categories: Bragging | Bringing it back to you | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Maine | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Miss America Pageant Regretting Bringing on Marilyn Manson As a Judge
Girl to friend: When I think beautiful, I think green hair.
Burbank, California
Overheard by: Amused shopper
Categories: Beauty | California | Friends | Girls | Hair | Posted 2009-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm One Of Those People Who's Always Cold!
College girl #1: I can always tell it's really cold when my face starts tightening up. And I start talking with a lisp.
College girl #2: Girl, you always talk with a lisp!
Capitol Hill
Washington, DC
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Students | Washington, DC | Weather | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Raising Vampires Is a Thankless Job
Old man on cell: Are they suckling decently? (pause) You might as well get it over with and drown them, if you know what I mean. (pause) Well, yeah, but are they swallowing?
Michigan State University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Michigan | Old folks | On the phone | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't Canadia Where TV Shows Go After Death?
Fab teenage girl with huge pink sunglasses: I fucking loved Sue Thomas: F.B.Eye! I have no fucking idea why they canceled it!
Teenage boy dressed in all black, munching cookie: Me neither. That was show was kickass.
Fab teenage girl: Probably 'cuz all the old people were like, "this show's really fucking gay." But I think that that one guy was really hot. Stupid fucking old people.
Ottawa
Ontario
Canadia
Props for Not Drinking and Driving, Though
Drunk bus rider #1: Damn, this bus is always so slow!
Drunk bus rider #2: I swear, if I was a wizard, I would turn this bus into a rabbit... But that's fantasy stuff, and I'm not that into fantasy.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Animals | Bus | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Gripes | Magic | Public Transportation | Washington | Posted 2009-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Generation Wisely Prefers Wii Relationships
Teen girl: They've broken up three times, and it never goes well for me.
Studio City, California
Overheard by: Urz
Categories: Bringing it back to you | California | Relationships | Teens | Posted 2009-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Their Gary Glitter/ Al Gore Poster Became a Worldwide Sensation
Teacher: So, what would you like to put on your poster?
Third grade boy: Glitter!
Third grade girl: Gore!
Acting Class
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Leave Jay Manuel Alone, Already.
Teen boy #1: He's gay.
Teen boy #2: No, he isn't.
Teen girl: He's just orange!
Teen boy #2, laughing: "Orange" isn't a sexual orientation.
Teen boy #1, laughing so hard he's crying: I was just thinking that.
Teen boy #2: Hes like, an Oompa-Loompa. He's always so mean 'cause he's tall, they rejected him because he was different.
McDonald's
New York City, New York
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | Gossip | McDonald's | New York | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2009-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Those Of You Too Ugly to Complete This Assignment May Write an Essay Instead
Professor to students: You need go out and have a lot of sex.
Seattle University, Washington
That's the Last Time I Let You Dog-Sit.
20-something girl on phone: Okay, how much did she drink? Okay. (pause) Well, can you wake her up? No? (pause) Okay, see, but I don't think it would be a good idea to give her some cocaine.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: frink
Categories: California | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Girls | On the phone | Posted 2009-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like They Used to Do with Us!
Teenager, noticing little girl being led around by her mother on a leash: Look! White people be putting their kids on leashes!
The Galleria
St. Louis, Missouri
...Plus, I Prefer Anal. Anal!!
Chronically oversharing blonde woman: If I didn't know better, I'd swear there was a baby up in there, but there are three reasons I know that's impossible. For one thing, I'm on birth control, which is why I've gained twenty-five pounds. Twenty-five pounds! Also, I haven't had sex since (whispers) October, (resumes normal voice) so I'd be overdue. And I got my period today.
Chilango's Mexican Restaurant
Rochester, New York
Overheard by: TARDIS Dyke
Categories: Diet & weight | Health & Hygiene | New York | Pregnancy | Restaurants | Sex | Women | Posted 2009-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Regret to Inform You That New Jersey Was Founded in 1664, Dear Reader
Bimbo #1, buying coffee: Do you ever, like, look at your change and think, "Wow: $16.64. Something totally happened that year!"
Bimbo #2: Oh yeah, I totally agree. Like, if I bought something for like two dollars with a $20 and my change was $19.78, I like might know someone who was born that year!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: BaptistaBarista
Propelled by Airbrush, Like a Playboy Bunny
American tourist to girlfriend: No, it's a special species of blue rabbit that can survive in space.
Girlfriend: Wow!
Kaaba Cafe
Prague
Czech Republic
I Hate to Ask Their Names, Though
Girl #1: Girl, I am pregnant.
Girl #2: Do you know who the daddy is?
Girl #1: No!
Girl #2: Girl, my doctor told me that when I sleep with a man, to write it on the calendar, so if I get pregnant they can try to find the daddy!
Elevator, Columbus State Community College
Columbus, Ohio
Ever Watch Any Of Bush's Speeches?
Four-year-old: Mommy, that girl speaks English!
Mother: Yes, she does.
Four-year-old: But nobody here speaks English. Does she really speak English?
Mother: Of course she speaks English! She's white!
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: katie
Categories: Kids | Language barrier | Moms | Overheard Lines | Parenting | Race | Should have used a condom | Posted 2009-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The "Physics Fiesta" Failed to Draw the Crowds They'd Anticipated
Alpha nerd to friends: We should kidnap more people for parties.
Ottawa
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Friends | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ten Bucks Says They're American
Teenage tourist girl to friend: Wanna play connect the dots with my track marks?
Friend: (laughs nervously)
Teenage tourist girl: Also, if you do that stupid thing with your water glass again, I'm gonna strangle you, and throw you in a pit and put a dead dog on top of your grave. Pass me that cheese?
Pizzeria
Rome
Italy
Categories: Animals | Death & dying | Food | Friends | Italy | Offers and requests | Restaurants | Teens | Threats | Tourists | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
God, It's Hot in Here
Professor: When I tell people I'm an English professor they always ask what my favorite word is. You know what I tell them? "Fuck" is my favorite word. Also, "lackadaisical." How about "lackadaisical fuck"? (laughs)
Gordon College
Barnesville, Georgia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Education | Georgia | Insults | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next You'll Be Telling Me My Penis Is a Decent Size!
Annoyed guy to girl: But just now you told me you weren't cold! It's our first date and you're already lying to me!
Pretoria
South Africa.
Overheard by: CBGB
Categories: Africa | Girls | Guys | Lies | Relationships | Posted 2009-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With Just a Hint Of Chlamydia
Drunken teenage girl, dancing down the street: I taste like fucking condoms!
Toronto, Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Condoms | Dancing | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Sensory experiences | Teens | Posted 2009-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Must Be Why They Call It "The Linty City"
Blonde ditz: Oh my god, Philadelphia is, like, pockets!
Brunette ditz: I know, right? There are just sooooo many pockets!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: hands in my pockets
Categories: Compare and contrast | Girls | Idiots | Pennsylvania | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's for Him to Decide
New dad: Look! These clothes are cute. Oh, look at this dress!
New mum: You have a boy, not a girl!
Department Store
Melbourne
Australia
The Little Pig Is Self-Conscious About Her Chinny Chin Chin
Girlfriend: I have to shave every single day.
Boyfriend: Oh, yeah?
Girlfriend: Yeah... do I have any hairs sticking out on my chin right now?
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: Ian
Or When You Pull the Tampons Out Of Your Butt?
Gay boy to girl posse, seeing commercial for panty liners with extra sticking power: So, like, doesn't it hurt when they stick to your vag?
Fargo, North Dakota
Categories: Girls | Health & Hygiene | Queers | Questions | Sensory experiences | USA | Vagina | Posted 2009-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Can Think Of Better.
Girl #1 to friends: Anybody can be a cell phone.
Girl #2: That's a good t-shirt.
Hampton, Virginia
Overheard by: S. H.
...While Pretending You're Alan Rickman
Guy, clueless: Wow, I can't believe Snape was evil the whole time!
Girl, exasperated: I can't believe I fuck you every night.
Cinema, after Harry Potter
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Ellen
The Difference Between Bad Nazis and Good Nazis, Encapsulated
Teen girl: If I saw a really crazy sandcastle, I'd totally kick it down. Anyone would.
Teen sister: I would never, like, mess something up like that if someone was really good at something. Unless they were really good at something I hated. Like... being ugly.
Rumson, New Jersey
No One in Paris Ever Pees on Walls or Sits on Steps
Enraged Frenchman to woman and son who is discreetly peeing on wall: What is wrong with you? Find a bathroom, this is a business! (starts walking away and then comes to a woman and her teenage daughter sitting on steps) And you two, get out! What are you, from the mountains? (to himself, walking away) Oh my god! I don't believe this!
Fira
Santorini
Greece
Also, I Keep Tripping Over It.
Man to himself: I will never be able to satisfy a woman because my penis is mounted to low on my body. Damn German genes!
Dallas, Texas
Categories: Guys | Health & Hygiene | Penis | Sex | Texas | Posted 2009-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
File These Documents? Really?
Girl to friend: Well, I guess I could, but my titties would hurt.
Theater Rehearsal
Bradenton, Florida
Overheard by: Hollie Corbitt
Categories: Florida | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Rack | Posted 2009-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sorry, the Windows OS Makes Me Crabby.
Dude: That's why I love Macs, install windows XP and it's like (snaps fingers) twenty minutes and you're done.
Dude #2: That's not good! That's like saying (snaps his fingers) you've got VD!
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Guys | STDs | Technology | Time Management | Posted 2009-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then There Are the Things I Pretend to Forget
Older lady to friend over lunch: When I remember things, I remember them. But when I forget them, I forget them.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Having breakfast nearby
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Friends | Memory lane | Old folks | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Not Fish, People!
Biology teacher to uninterested students: Sperm doesn't just crawl along the floor.
Maine
Homer Simpson: Mmm, Sacrelicious...
Teen girl to friend: You know what I wanna do? Smoke a joint rolled in a page from the bible.
McDonald's
Ohio
Overheard by: Dylan
Categories: Christianity | Drugs | Friends | Girls | McDonald's | Ohio | Questions | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's a Description Best Saved for Molten Chocolate Cake
Chick #1: That's the best episode of SpongeBob ever.
Chick #2: I knooow!
Chick #1: It's like an orgasm!
Chick #2: No. (pause) No, it's not.
Littleton, Colorado
Categories: Chicks | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Orgasm | TV shows | Posted 2009-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, It's Ms. Pac-Man-- I'm Not Gay.
Guy to stranger: Is it just me, or is that guy jerking off to Pac-Man?
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
And You'd Have to Supervise the Kids Scrubbing Them Off
Preschool teacher #1: I wouldn't want to spill coffee on those shoes.
Preschool teacher #2: Why not?
Preschool teacher #1: Because they'd get coffee stains on them.
Rumson, New Jersey
I Think I've Heard This Country Song...
Guy to girlfriend: If I go to jail for you, you better get your tits done.
Viewmont Mall
Dickson City, Pennsylvania
Categories: Couples | Crimes | Health & Hygiene | Malls | Pennsylvania | Rack | Posted 2009-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On the Intellectual Version Of Double Dare
Professor: They were playing the Rocky theme song while I was trying to think great thoughts.
McDaniel College, Maryland
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Maryland | Movies | Music | Philosophy | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2009-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For All Your Disfiguration Needs
Metro guy to friend: And in the bathroom, under the sink, we have eye clippers...
Mall
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Gadgets | Guys | Malls | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also, I'm Having Company Tonight, So You'll Have to Find Another Place to Sleep
Young boy to father: Dad, I really wanted that chocolate cereal, did you buy some for me?
Father: No.
Young boy: Why not?
Father: Listen, I'd also prefer it if you stayed at your mom's all the time. But do we always get what we want? No.
Subway
Vienna
Austria
That's What You Said About Uncle Walter!
Little girl: Mommy, can I have a bubble bath?
Mother: No, it makes your vagina hurt.
Plantation, Florida
Overheard by: i guess that's a valid reason.
...More Gelato?
Overly chatty middle-aged guy on date: Doctors love giving women a hysterectomy. They will find any reason to give a woman a hysterectomy. Like, we're already up there, might as well scoop it on out now.
Italian Restaurant
Highland, California
Overheard by: well,,,there goes my appetite.
Categories: California | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Maladies | Restaurants | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's How the Doctor Knows You're Done
Lady: And as soon as the doctor said "stick out your tongue," she knew her goose was cooked!
West Chester, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Theresa
Categories: Body parts | Food | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Seriously, What Makes People Think That?
Goth girl on cell: His dick is huge! I came so hard I was crying! (notices several people looking at her and laughing) Do you fucking mind? This is a private conversation!
Red Line Train
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Joe
Categories: Girls | Goths | On the phone | Orgasm | Penis | Train | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Also Liked Starving My Baby to Death
Teacher: No one liked middle school. Everyone hates middle school. I'd rather starve to death than teach middle school. I'd rather starve my baby to death than teach middle school.
Student: I liked middle school.
Teacher: Freak!
Portland, Maine
Categories: Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Education | Gripes | Insults | Kids | Maine | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ah, the Terrible Twos.
Woman on cell, in deadpan voice: Now's not a good time to talk to him about it. (pause) He's got a chainsaw. I really wouldn't talk to him about it right now.
Bus
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Bus | Fears | Massachusetts | On the phone | Violence | Women | Posted 2009-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fucking Buy Some, Drama Queen
Hysterical girl to people around her: Have you got crayons? Have you got crayons? Have you got crayons? Have you got any crayons? Do you have crayons?! Have you got crayons?!?! Argh! No one has crayons!
England
Categories: England | Girls | Offers and requests | Strangers | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Perhaps a Brandy Snifter Full Of Ocean Water, Then
Old woman at restaurant: What do you have to drink?
Exasperated waitress: Everything except root beer and chocolate milk.
New Brunswick, Canadia
Categories: Baristas | Canadia | Clients | Drinking & drunks | Offers and requests | Old folks | Posted 2009-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Our Motto: "You'll Probably Be All Right"
Ride operator: This ride goes over 90 miles an hour... in your mind. We don't know if we can actually do that... without killing you. Enjoy.
Six Flags Magic Mountain
Valencia, California
Overheard by: praying the seatbelts don't fail
Categories: California | Employees | Health & Hygiene | Murder | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Filled with Marijuana
Security agent: What's in the box, sir?
Guy with cardboard box: Pot. (long pause, then slowly) A ceramic pot.
Durango Airport
Durango Colorado
Things Couldn't Be Any Worse If We Were Victims Of Nuclear Holocaust!
Jappy milf #1: I just feel like all I do is sell houses. And I hate it. I just hate my life!
Jappy milf #2: Ugh, I know. We really need to get out of Armonk!
Jappy milf #1: I know. I hate my house! I hate everything in it! My life is horrible here!
Armonk, New York
Whose Bra Is This, Anyway?
Pretty girl in last night's dress #1: I feel like I smell really terrible. Can you smell me?
Pretty girl in last night's dress #2: Yeah. We should probably take a shower... wash away the sins of last night.
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Bathing | Girls | Offers and requests | Sensory experiences | Tennessee | Posted 2009-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Knew That Would Ever Turn Out to Be a Bad Idea?
Woman #1: Do you want to become a judge?
Woman #2: No way!
Woman #1: Why not?
Woman #2: I have too many naked photos on the internet out there of me!
Coffee Shop
Salt Lake City
Overheard by: Snazzy
My Train Is Like the Hotel California, Beeyotch.
Black woman #1: I hate when people wait to the last minute to try and get off at a stop.
Black woman #2: Mmm-hmm.
Black woman #1: I don't let them past if they try to do that shit.
Black woman #2: What you do?
Black woman #1: I'll push their mothafuckin' ass back on the train!
Subway
New York City
Categories: Ass | Black people | Gripes | Insults | New York | Public Transportation | Train | Violence | Women | Posted 2009-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Besides, It's Been Done to Death
Girl: I'm not sure if I can be bothered dying.
London
England
Categories: Death & dying | England | Girls | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Probably Pregnant With Rain
Husband, while driving: Wow, look at those cool clouds over there.
Wife: Where? Oh, those, the one that looks like it is going up?
Husband: Yeah.
Wife, after long pause: That one looks like a uterus.
Michigan
Overheard by: T
Categories: Compare and contrast | Couples | Michigan | Uterus | Weather | Posted 2009-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Just on That Lady's Shoes.
Overexcited boy in cafe: Mum, mum, mum! Can I play with my new toy? Can I? Can I? Can I?
Disinterested mum: Sure.
Overexcited boy, holding toy: Look! I'm holding my winkle. And I'm peeing. I'm peeing all over the drinks. There's wee everywhere!
Disinterested mum: No, there isn't.
Kingston-Upon-Thames
England
Overheard by: Ben
Categories: Drinking & drunks | England | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Parenting | Pee | Should have used a condom | Toys | Posted 2009-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, That's a Water Bottle.
50-something female suit: That's a dog? I thought it was a kid in a weird hat!
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: really?
You Think They're Gay?
Girl drinking outside: It's just, like, I pay rent to live here, I don't want his semen and her little vagina juices everywhere!
Guy drinking outside: I don't think those guys walking by wanted to hear that.
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Guy walking by
...I Mean, That Would've Been My Default Assumption...
Woman: I felt so bad. I was like, "it's okay, you can leave your pool cue there, come dance with me."
Friend: And then you left him in the middle of the dance floor.
Woman: I didn't know he was blind!
Friend: So you blew him?
Woman: Did I?
Hot Springs, Idaho
Sometimes I Like to Playfully Snap My Own Strap!
Girl browsing underwear section: I love this bra--you'd wear it just to play with yourself, you know?
Wiltshire
England
Overheard by: J
I Don't Think You See What I'm Saying.
Philosophy teacher: Nowadays we see faith as blind belief. Is that fair to say?
Blind student: No.
Philosophy teacher: Right, why?
Blind student: I never believe anything blindly.
Santa Ana College
California
Overheard by: Frankie1way
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Disabled | Education | Health & Hygiene | Philosophy | Religion | Students | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Australian Law Forbids Weekend Mourning
Teen girl #1: I think we need to get her a rebound guy.
Teen girl #2: Don't you think it's a bit soon? Paul died like two weeks ago.
Teen girl #1: Hmm. I guess. (pause) Maybe just for weekends then?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, okay.
Bus Stop
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: cara
Categories: Australia | Bus | Death & dying | Feelings | Girls | Questions | Relationships | Stupidity | Teens | Time Management | Posted 2009-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Could Always Force You to Sit through The Bucket List Again
Pretty blonde snuggling with Asian boyfriend: Honey, I'm sorry I was so crazy earlier.
Asian boyfriend: It's okay, sweetie, but I am going to have to punish you when we get home.
Pretty blonde, smiling: A spanking?
Asian boyfriend, kissing her forehead: Whatever you want, sweetie.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Mormon Undergarments, Explained
Emo girl #1: I don't want to smell bad; I just want to look like crap.
Emo girl #2: Yeah...
Hospital
Salt Lake City, Utah
Categories: Girls | Sensory experiences | Utah | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Couldn't?!
Guy: If you could put a moose and en elk in a wind tunnel, could you work out which one generates more lift better if they were the right way up or upside down?
London
England
Overheard by: Bemused
I Can Only Answer Questions Like "Tubey or Not Tubey?"
Young girl: So what do you think I should do?
Girlfriend: I spent most of last night eating cheese out of a tube. I really don't think I'm the best person to ask for advice about your love life.
London
England
Overheard by: LondonCoffee
And I Love Your Ass
Hobo to another: Guys like us were never taught the value of words. And that's why I always come out on top. Because I understand the meaning of the word "itinerant." And you, sir, are an itinerant and a philanderer!
New York City, New York
I Mean, They All Act Kinda Retarded
Customs officer to woman with a cat: Can you prove that this cat is Canadian?
Canadian Customs
Pearson Airport, Toronto
Canadia
What Do You Think We Pray For?
Stoner girl #1: What happens at Christian retreats?
Stoner girl #2: You pray and reflect.
Stoner girl #1: Oh. So no beer, then?
Stoner girl #2: Definitely no beer.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Categories: Christianity | Drinking & drunks | Girls | New Jersey | Questions | Stoners | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Thought the Baby Was Just a Really Small Twink
Guy: Are they gay?
Friend: Yes, they're holding hands and wearing the same clothing.
(15 seconds later)
Guy: Are they gay?
Girl: That's a family.
Hillcrest, California
Categories: California | Clothes | Clothing | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Guys | Questions | Sexuality | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Dad Kept Telling People to Kill Me
Student #1: I told my dad I wanted to be famous, and he told me I should kill someone. I was like, seven.
Student #2: At least he's supportive.
Philedelphia University, Pennsylvania
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Family ties | Murder | Parenting | Pennsylvania | Students | Stupidity | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Underground. On Mars.
30-something large man: That book by George Orwell, 1984, is a prophecy!
Skinny guy sitting next to him: Yeah, yeah, man.
30-something large man: Because in 1985, the government took over, and they were the ones selling all the crack and dope. I would know. I was working for them.
Transit Bus
Olympia, Washington
Overheard by: scooting farther away
Categories: Books | Bus | Drugs | Fat people | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Politics | Skinny people | Stupidity | Washington | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Works More Often Than You'd Think
Crazy hobo: I like your hair.
Girl: Thanks.
Crazy hobo: Can I have it?
Girl: No, it's mine.
Crazy hobo: Oh, okay.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Compliments | Crazies | Girls | Hair | Hobos | Illinois | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With My Baby Brother Inside?!
Adorable little blond girl, ecstatically: Did our car get jacked?
Port Washington, New York
Overheard by: Ladle
Out Of What?
Middle-aged woman shopping with husband: If we weren't so old, I would say "let's go into the parking lot and make a baby."
Target
Hackensack, New Jersey
Categories: Age and ageing | Couples | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Sex | Stores | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guys Find Eating Disorders Profoundly Unattractive
Cute boyfriend to girlfriend: I am so glad you eat!
Washington, DC
Categories: Couples | Food | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though Perhaps Stinky on Two Counts
Girl on cell: And we're going to watch Twilight and poop later... It's going to be a good night!
Newark, Delaware
Categories: Girls | Movies | On the phone | Poop | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ancient Egyptian Belief to the Contrary
Teenage girl: I'm pretty sure dead people don't have to eat.
Rumson, New Jersey
Categories: Death & dying | Food | New Jersey | Teens | Posted 2009-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...So, Uh, Wanna Talk About Your Period?
Man: So how's your baby?
Young woman: Great. He's three months old now, so he's no longer just a glorified fetus! He has emotions, and everything!
(pause)
Man, awkwardly: Oh. Huh, how about that?
Mohonk Resort
New Paltz, New York
Overheard by: Ali
You Were Sober Enough to Take a Facebook Quiz?
Blonde girl: I did this Facebook quiz the other day: "what kind of drunk are you?' It said that I was a "sexual, entertaining drunk." It knows me so well!
Melbourne
Australia
I'd Totally Do That If It'd Make Me Young Again
Middle-aged woman, about teenager: She's so beautiful. She could be a model. (pause) I want to run her over with my car.
Bellingham, Washington
It Was Lots Of Fun 'til the Police Arrived
Little boy: How 'bout you get naked, and I get naked, and then we give naked hugs!
St. Joseph, Michigan
Categories: Glad the condom broke | Kids | Michigan | Offers and requests | Sensory experiences | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is There a Toy for Me Anywhere in That?
Small boy: Dad! Dad! Can I have that?
Father: I've told you before, craving leads to attachment.
Toy Shop
Eastern Suburbs, Sydney
Australia
Sadly, The Best Laid Plans.....
Woman #1 in bathroom stall: You should have an orgy!
Woman #2 in next bathroom stall: I know, that's what I said!
Bathroom, Bar
Olympia, Washington
Overheard by: H
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Restroom | Sex | Washington | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Creatures Often Crawl Out Of the Lake to Matriculate
Girl #1: Jane*'s nice.
Girl #2: Yeah. But she smells like a dirty used tampon.
Girl #1: Yeah, makes me sick a bit.
University of Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Beauty | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Girls | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Website?
Girl pointing at caterpillar on floor: Oh my god! What is that?
Friend: Ew, it's a caterpillar!
Girl: It just crawled out of me!
Friend: What?
Girl: Well she was just telling me that there are fish that crawl up your va-j-j if you pee in the lake!
Friend: That's only for guys. And in the Amazon!
Redding, California
Categories: Animals | California | Fears | Friends | Girls | Insects | Pee | Questions | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That How You Resolve Things with Your Dad?
Guy #1: Man, I've tried everything. I don't know what to do.
Guy #2: Have you tried sex?
Guy #1: Actually, no...
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Guys | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sex | Posted 2009-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Except No One's Posing As Gay
Woman, waiting for Two Gentlemen of Verona to begin: This is one of Shakespeare's comedies, right?
Friend: Yes.
Woman: Someone will cross-dress, there will be mistaken identity, and love triangles, and everything will turn out well. All Shakespeare comedies have the same plot.
Friend: Yeah, pretty much.
Woman: They're all just episodes of Three's Company.
Boulder, Colorado
Categories: Books | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Friends | Questions | Relationships | TV shows | Women | Posted 2009-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Maybe a Blowjob or Two
Black teen employee to teen girl employee: Some of these people, they want to get to know you and make a connection, and I'm like, "man, I don't want to be your friend, I just want to give you a towel."
Marino Center
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Black people | Coworkers | Jobs & Careers | Massachusetts | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2009-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But Only If They're the Horny Type.
Wise eight-year-old boy to brother: Getting a girlfriend is the easy part. But you have to know how to keep them.
Attentive six-year-old: How do you get them to stay?
Wise eight-year-old: You have to find out what kind of food they like to eat. And give them a plastic unicorn.
Nature Park
Tampa, Florida
Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Florida | Food | Kids | Kids | Questions | Relationships | Siblings | Posted 2009-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think He Got the Gist When I Fucked Him and Then Stole His Wallet
Brunette: Was it you that was telling me you told prince charming that you were a whore?
Redhead: You mean Mark*, the rich guy? No, I just told him not to fall in love with me because I was a faithless whore and there was no man on earth worthy of my loyalty. You give a man loyalty and they walk all over you. Besides, I wouldn't describe him as prince charming. More like a toad with money.
Brunette: So you did tell him you were a whore?
Greek Restaurant
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Categories: Bimbettes | Compare and contrast | Feelings | Infidelity | Louisiana | Money | Questions | Restaurants | Posted 2009-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ad: Duct Tape-- Is There Nothing It Can't Do?
Girl #1: Eww!
Girl #2: Oh, what? You can talk about your abortion, but I can't talk about warts?
Ashland, Oregon
Overheard by: crystal
Categories: Abortion | Compare and contrast | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Oregon | Posted 2009-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's Worse Than Abortion, Alex?
Five-year-old girl to little boy: What happened to our baby?
Little boy: Don't you worry about that baby, woman! I threw it in the trash!
National Zoo
Washington, DC
Categories: Kids | Kids | Parenting | Questions | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Broke Something I Didn't Know I Had
Old guy: So did you have hallway sex last night?
Old fat guy: Uh... Yeah... Last night was kinda crazy.
Taco Truck
Visalia, California
Categories: California | Fat people | Old folks | Questions | Sex | Posted 2009-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, I Guess It Depends What He'd Eaten That Day
Female diner #1: I mean, he was awesome. He had a lifeguard body. If he shit, I would eat it.
Female diner #2: (pushes food away)
O'Callaghan's
Chicago, Illinois
He'll Be Disappointed When He Learns It Has Nothing to Do With Guns
Youngish mom, enthusiastic: I need shot glasses for work!
Eight-year-old son, excited: I want a shot glass!!
Gift Shop
Branson, Missouri
Puerto Ricans: "We've Never Seen This Girl Before in Our Lives."
Dude: Buenos Aires, eh?
Bimbette wearing Buenos Aires t-shirt: I gotta represent for my Puerto Ricans!
Summit Park Clubhouse
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: rock.star.
When Aunt Jemima Eats Burritos, Everyone Knows It.
Churchgoer to another: Did you fart? Something smells like buttermilk.
Methodist Church
Knoxville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Nick
Categories: Burping & farting | Compare and contrast | Food | Sensory experiences | Strangers | Tennessee | Posted 2009-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Some Centerpieces Get Eaten
Middle-aged woman #1: I'm putting stuff on my plate and I don't even know what it is!
Middle-aged woman #2: Me too!
Texas de Brazil
Aruba
Overheard by: Why Are They So Stupid?
If Your Editors Had a ShamWow, We Would Use It Every Day
Frat boy #1: Oh, dude, a ShamWow! (to friend at counter) Hey, should we get a ShamWow?
Frat boy #2, without looking at him: No.
Frat boy #1: But it's a ShamWow!
Frat boy #2: You're an idiot. (long pause) Fine, get the fucking ShamWow.
Frat boy #1: (excitedly runs ShamWow over to counter)
Frat boy #2: Fuck.
Pet's Mart, Montana
Overheard by: Sadie
I'd Love to Sniff Your Pores.
Professor: And that's why caffeine is my drug of choice. (awkward pause) So who here had some caffeine today?
University of Rochester, New York
I Said It Smells Like Tacos, Not Shit
Gray-haired lady: It smells like tacos in here.
Older blue-haired lady, gesturing toward Latino family several feet away: I think it's those people over there.
Metropolitan Airport
Detroit, Michigan
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Food | Michigan | Old folks | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Better Than Our Current Strategy in the Middle East
Crazy hobo, walking in office: Ecstasy! Ecstasy! Give every male one shot of ecstasy a day from the time they are seven to seventy, and that will end all the violence!
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: follylolly
I'm Cuckoo As a Table-Saw Today.
Director of the office of judicial affairs: It was a blizzard. It was snowing so much, it was snowing like a pig. (pause) I have no idea why I just said that.
Orientation
University, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Emurii
Categories: Animals | Bosses | Compare and contrast | Massachusetts | Weather | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Survival Of The... Survivors?
Man eating burrito: It's like Darwinism. You know, selective... selection.
Balboa Island, California
Overheard by: Wow.
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Guys | Science | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2009-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Babies Learn to Run Away Before They Can Walk
Loud fat ghetto chick to baby: See dat? See dat baby walking? That's what you need to be doing. I'm sick of carrying yo' ass around.
Target Parking Lot
Florissant, Missouri
Categories: Advice | Ass | Chicks | Fat people | Kids | Missouri | Moms | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Stores | Posted 2009-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Kinds Of Questions Gay People Get Asked in the Midwest
Man to friend, very seriously: Now, when you shower, do you stand up?
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: I prefer the fetal position
Categories: Douching | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Will Strawberry Shortcake Never Learn?
Old woman to daughter: And now she's got no money cause she blew it all on muffins.
Supermarket
Sydney
Overheard by: Anny
Has No One Done the Reading?
Professor: Who creates design?
Student: Women?
Professor: Men! Men! Gay men!
SUNY
Purchase, New York
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
Yeah the Zodiac Governs Best That Governs Least
Guy: That's a cool necklace. What is it?
Girl: Oh, it's Lady Liberty. I'm a libertarian.
Guy: Oh cool. I'm a Virgo.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: student
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Eavesdrop DC | Fashion | Girls | Guys | Politics | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2009-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Misrepresent!
Suit on cell: Where do you think I am? I'm at work.
Ticket taker: All tickets and passes!
Suit on cell: I'll call you back. I have a conference call.
R7 Regional Rail
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: I'm at work too
Categories: Employees | Lies | Pennsylvania | Questions | Suits | Posted 2009-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Martha Stewart: "It's a Good Thing."
Dominatrix: The best s&m tool of all time is the Williams Sonoma Spoontula.
Good Vibrations
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Compare and contrast | Kink | San Francisco | Shopping | Women | Posted 2009-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Think You Have Much Choice
Woman on phone: So you want me to call her anyway and tell her that I'm not coming to a party that I wasn't invited to?
Park Ave
Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: Christina Federici
The Beanstalk Giant Always Had Trouble Fitting In.
Teenager, chasing after young boy on bike: I'm gonna eat your children!
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Li'l Bit
As a Reward for Having Completed That Etiquette Course
Older woman with no inside voice, inside a bus on rush hour: I want a diamond about as big as a horse turd.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: bleep
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Old folks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Poop | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now That Metal Rods Are the Latest Fashion Craze
Teacher: Okay, now what you do think is the chance of being killed by being struck by lightning?
Bimbette: Ummmm... probably like, one in two.
Class: (silence)
Teacher: One in two?
Bimbette: Wait! Make that one in ten.
Classroom
Sydney
Australia
One Problem with the Global Village
Boy to hot girl: Hey, how's it going?
Hot girl, in French: I'm speaking in French so that you won't know what I'm talking about and will think that I can't speak English.
Boy, in French: Oh really? I know French too!
Bus
New York City, New York
You're Wearing a Nametag.
Chick, approaching yuppie guy: Hey I haven't seen you since...
Yuppie guy: Since I nailed you in the high school bathroom! Four... five years ago, right Jen?
Chick: No, that wasn't me. But thanks for remembering my name!
Bar
Nebraska
Overheard by: allie
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Chicks | Education | Names | Nebraska | Questions | Sex | Time Management | Yuppies | Posted 2009-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Remember the First Time I Felt the Sting for Forceable Intercourse and the Warmth Of Dirt...
Tour guide: The vestal virgins would be raped and buried alive if they were no longer virgins. If they let the fire go out, they would just be buried alive.
Tourist: I dunno if that's any better.
Little old Japanese woman: Hey, at least the first way you get some thrills.
Colosseum
Rome
Italy
The Best Part Is, They've Trademarked That Name
Friendly waitress, serious: Would you like to order a happy ending?
Lycoming Mall
Pennsdale, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: DazedinPA
Categories: Baristas | Death & dying | Drinking & drunks | Happiness | Malls | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Words | Posted 2009-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Portland Boasts a Rich Frottage Subculture
Boyfriend: Ow! Stop twisting my mole.
Girlfriend, singing quietly to herself: Looking for rub in all the wrong places.
MAX Train
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Amy Achterman
Categories: Body parts | Couples | Oregon | Relationships | Singing | Train | Posted 2009-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least, That's What I'll Be Contending at the Michael Vick Trial.
Tattooed girl: I don't wrestle live dogs anymore. Now I wrestle humans.
Springfield, Missouri
Overheard by: Summer
Why There Are So Many Homicides in Maryland
Guy: You know what I'm going to do? I'm bringing back the safari hat. Tomorrow I'm wearing a safari hat to work.
Girl: That's so Baltimore!
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: the hill
Categories: Clothes | Clothing | Eavesdrop DC | Girls | Guys | Posted 2009-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Kind Of Required in San Jose
Slacker student boy, after teacher has announced half the class will have to take summer school: Yeah! Summer school!
Serious student girl: What's so great about summer school?
Slacker student boy: You get to get out earlier and you can do all sorts of shit without getting in trouble.
(serious student girl rolls eyes and shakes head)
Slacker student boy: Why don't you like summer school?
Serious student girl: I don't find the idea of waking up early through the summer appealing.
Slacker student boy: Have you ever had summer school?
Serious student girl: No, and I don't plan on doing so.
Slacker student boy: Don't be so sure of that, because one day you're going to start doing drugs.
San Jose, California
Overheard by: inoursecrets
Categories: California | Drugs | Education | Questions | Students | Time Management | Posted 2009-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shall We Try "P" for "Polanski"?
Guy #1: What aisle are we looking for?
Guy #2: We should be looking under teen girls' rugs.
Guy #1: Yikes!
Furniture Store
New York City, New York
I Wondered Why She Was So Hairy.
College guy #1: Hey, remember that time I fucked your mom in the ass?
College guy #2: Hey, remember that time I dressed up as my mom?
Fulton, Missouri
Overheard by: The Sweetheart
Categories: Ass | Backdoor | Clothing | Comebacks | Family ties | Frat boy types | Missouri | Questions | Posted 2009-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's True Of Any Cop, Though.
Boy: I should be a rent-a-cop.
Girl #1, laughing: You'd be the least believable rent-a-cop ever.
Girl #2: Yeah, they might mistake you for a gay stripper.
Tempe, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Compare and contrast | Crimes | Girls | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2009-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Poor Etiolated Biped That I Am
Trendy girl: I can barely find the energy to ambulate!
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: try walking
Categories: Girls | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Philly | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Explained in Thurber's The Wonderful O
Student to another: You're an asshole!
Science teacher: If you're going to say that, you should use the proper term, which is "anus."
High School
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Advice | Ass | Etiquette | Insults | New Zealand | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Every Time I Smell Sewage.
Chick: Yeah, we really need to hang out with Julie soon. She told me yesterday: "I miss Andrea, she's so gross!"
Andrea: Awww, I miss her too!
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Chicks | Feelings | Relationships | Washington | Posted 2009-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Scientists Have Pinata Parties
Teen to another: Man, there's DNA all over the streets!
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: jessica
Categories: Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Overheard Lines | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Another BBC2 Documentary Fails to Thrill
Respectable, middle-aged woman: I have considered becoming an alcoholic.
Devon
England
Overheard by: Jess
Categories: Drinking & drunks | England | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Monster!
Student: Is there anything I can do to make this grade better?
Teacher: Uh, do better work.
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Education | Massachusetts | Questions | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Require a Cute, Brightly-Colored Ark.
Little old lady, yelling to friend across the store: The world is flooded with Beanie Babies!
Wauwatosa, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Embarassed at how loud my friend laughed before walking away
Notice: This Quote Not Endorsed by Morgan Freeman
Blonde: Um, no, actually, a penguin is a mammal. I learned that from Morgan Freeman.
Halifax
Canadia
Categories: About celebrities | Birds | Canadia | Girls | Stupidity | Posted 2009-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, I Don't Think the Powerpuff Girls Have Any Fingers
Guy #1: If you told her you like sublime you could probably toss it in.
Guy #2: Yeah, I'd let her slob the knob just to see the four finger, cartoon hand grab.
Shout-out: overheardatlc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: tlc
Categories: Guys | Hands | Overheard at Loyola | Weirdness | Posted 2009-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Early-Morning Orgy Totally Messed with My Schedule
Underage girl, at 6 pm: Man, I knew I should've started drinking at 2!
Glengarry Highland Games
Canadia
Overheard by: is it that boring?