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June 2009 Archives
...After What Happened Last Time?
Sober sorostitute with heavy smoker's voice: Like o-m-g, I just decided on my Halloween costume!
Drunk sorostitute, stamping feet: Oh my god! What?! What what what?
Sober sorostitute: Wait for it...wait for it... Little ho peep!
Drunk sorostitute: Can we have sex with the little ho sheep?
Duke University
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: Disgusted
Categories: Animals | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | North Carolina | Questions | Sex | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Also a Terrific Driver.
Asian girl #1, looking at yogurt display: Ten for seven dollars, what is that?
Asian girl #2: I don't know, I don't want to do the math.
Los Angeles, California
NewsFlash: Englishman Has Sense Of Humor. Film at 11.
Pilot, after riding tarmac for 20 minutes: Ladies and gentleman, this concludes our first two miles of our trip from London-Heahtrow International to Newark International. We do hope you enjoyed our lovely tarmac. The flight will commence once air traffic gives the all-clear for takeoff.
Heathrow International Airport
London
England
Overheard by: tired traveler
Categories: Airports & flights | England | Pilots | Public Transportation | Stupidity | Posted 2009-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...But, Um, the Essay Topic Was "My Favorite Pet"
College student #1: So I was thinking I was going to write about Hitler, and how he was like...bad?
College student #2: Totally.
Edmonton
Canadia
Overheard by: dumbfounded
Probably Not Abortion Doctors.
Student on phone: Did you know doctors get fifty percent off of Domino's pizzas?
University of Sussex Campus
England
Overheard by: Zaney
Categories: Colleges & Universities | England | Food | Jobs & Careers | Money | On the phone | Questions | Students | Posted 2009-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like, What the Hell Does "Whom" Mean?
Receptionist, explaining e-mail to coworker: Or she may have even did the grammar slightly off.
Library
Arizona State University
Categories: Arizona | Colleges & Universities | Coworkers | E-mail | Words | Posted 2009-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No One Has Problems Like I Do!
Teary-eyed teen: But I don't wanna work...I wanna go to Istanbul!
Palmer, Alaska
Categories: Alaska | Compare and contrast | Holidays | Jobs & Careers | Teens | Wishes | Posted 2009-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just a Bit Self-Conscious About His Baby-Carrot Penis
Blonde: So this guy was hitting on me and he was like, "so, do you have a boyfriend?" and I was like, "ummm, yeah." It was really creepy. I was like, "oh my god, I can not tell my boyfriend about this!" I mean, normally he wouldn't really care, but (looks around and lowers voice) this guy was black, so I think my boyfriend might flip. I mean, not that he's racist or anything.
Penn Tech
Williamsport, Pennsylvania
Categories: Bimbettes | Pennsylvania | Race | Relationships | Weirdness | Whiteys | Posted 2009-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Forbidden It from Watching Terms Of Endearment
Queer, after being rushed to play Scrabble: You don't understand what it's like having all vowels!
Drunk girl: You don't understand what it's like having a vagina, so who wins?
Queer: I do! I have an emotional vagina.
Long Beach, California
Overheard by: pucewoman
But Instead It Was Kindergarteners.
Guy: We could have been run over by trucks or seagulls.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Nik
Kindly Extract the Lens from My Rectum
Teen boy: Look, you're being molested! It's a Kodak moment!
Humanex Academy
Englewood, Colorado
And by That I Mean Exactly What You Think I Mean
Professor: I was house-sitting for them. I almost strangled the cat.
Oberlin, Ohio
Overheard by: Secret Spy
Why Are We Playing Hangman in Class, Anyway?
Criminal justice teacher: What do you mean "it doesn't fit"?
Student: The word doesn't match the blanks.
Criminal justice teacher: Hm...I probably wasn't sober when I made this.
Gilbert, Arizona
Overheard by: she's not kidding
Elizabeth Berkley Bad?
Employee #1: Yeah, you know the stripper's bad when a married man says, "uh, no thanks, I'm married."
Employee #2, laughing: Man, that's bad.
Zoning Department, City Hall
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Compare and contrast | Employees | Illinois | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2009-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let Me Explain Mimes to You Again...
Guy: Dude! Your sister lives in a box!
Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Family ties | Guys | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Knew We'd Stumbled Into a European Sex Fantasy
Girl to friend: And then he said "do you like diapers with your bangers and mash?"
After Trax
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: I know you're watching
...Can You Try?... Or Not...It's Okay.
Girl, yelling: I am a man! Don't you forget that! Please!
Outside Women's Dormitory
Grand Rapids, Michigan
We're Storing It Next to Jean-Luc Cousteau's Cheese Wheel
PA: Paging arriving passenger Juan Sanchez from Mexico City. Please return to gate B4 to retrieve your piñata.
Airport
Charlotte, North Carolina
Categories: Airports & flights | Latinos | North Carolina | Public Transportation | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Porky Pig Has Some 'Splaining to Do
Mom to six-year-old: I'm not buying this whole "selective stuttering" thing.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
This Class, Not So Much.
Professor: Society, chocolate pudding, and cars. All complex phenomena.
Oberlin, Ohio
Overheard by: secret Spy
Categories: Compare and contrast | Food | Ohio | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maybe British Pizza.
Construction worker eating pizza: So basically, pizza is just glorified cheese on toast.
Hatton Garden
London
England
Overheard by: Katy Out To Lunch
Categories: Compare and contrast | Construction workers | England | Food | Posted 2009-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What You Get for Going to Film School in Kansas
Film GTA: Will Farrell is the Groucho Marx of our generation.
Student: (nods wearily)
Film GTA: I mean, Talladega Nights was absolute genius!
University of Kansas
Lawrence, Kansas
Categories: About celebrities | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Kansas | Movies | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Don't Have a Dog, Sir.
Old man: I'll have two scoops of chocolate raspberry truffle in a waffle cone, and a baby cone for my dog. He's the one who made us stop here.
Brusters Ice Cream
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Caylin
It Was the Ear.
Guy on phone: I didn't, like...have eye-sex with him. (pause) I didn't fuck him in the eye!
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Mike Dunn
Categories: Body parts | Guys | Massachusetts | On the phone | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pearls Of Wisdom from How to Raise a Serial Killer
Rich mother: Well, you'll just have to hold it! You can't go to the bathroom around here! They are positively disgusting, you'll die!
Little child, crying: Please, mommy, I need to go!
Rich mother: Don't you value your life?
Annapolis, Maryland
Overheard by: Alex Ello
Categories: Death & dying | Family ties | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Kids | Maryland | Moms | Parenting | Poop | Stupidity | Posted 2009-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thank God I Live in Connecticut, Where I Avoid That Sort Of Thing.
Student #1: He went flying over the Rockies and they haven't found his plane.
Professor: Oh, good, good! I hated that guy.
Student #2: Who was he?
Professor: Some rich fucker.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
When Rappers Moonlight.
Train driver: This train is being taken out of service. Brigham Circle will be the last stop for this train. Don't hate the player, hate the game!
E Train
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: camille
Categories: Advice | Conductors | Gripes | Massachusetts | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Depends -- Is It 1987?
Goth girl, looking at poster: Do you think that singing Weird Al in the middle of the train counts as suspicious behavior or unusual behavior?
H Line
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Goths | Music | Public Transportation | Questions | Train | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Got Any Bacon Chocolate?
Woman looking at chocolate display case: I don't want any of those. Those aren't death-on-a-stick enough.
Coco Flow
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Reiza
Categories: Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Oklahoma | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Only Comes Into Play After Three or More Margaritas
Bartender: The answer was "The North Sea." We did not accept "Nordic" or "Norse."
Guy: But my hand has a lisp!
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Bartenders | Guys | Hands | Maladies | Overheard at UMBC | Words | Posted 2009-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Smell-O-Vision
Professor, trying to motivate class: Sometimes, you just need to...to look up, and...and smell...the big picture.
Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia
I'm Gonna Ride This Science Project All the Way to Harvard
Enthusiastic teenager, waving hands emphatically: If you can deep throat a banana, you can suck a dick!
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: If you can wax a car...
I Don't Want Any More "Filmstrip" Pregnancies on My Conscience
Teacher, setting up overhead: Okay, I'm going to turn off the lights. Keep your hands to yourself.
High School
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Always got groped during her tests
Categories: Arizona | Colleges & Universities | Sex | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, I'm Twelve.
Guy on cell: Yeah, well, that sucks that you don't have any friends, but now at least it's legal for you to drink your troubles away!
University of Delaware
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: Anne
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Delaware | Drinking & drunks | Gripes | Guys | On the phone | Pity | Posted 2009-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Time to Start Talking About Gay Rights in More PC Terms
Voice over intercom: So, come out and buy some juice and support a good cause.
Girl #1: Um, what good cause?
Girl #2: I dunno. Fruit?
High School
Calgary
Canadia
K, Guys?
Toolish guy: I don't believe that single consonants should be legitimate prepositions.
Dorm, Princeton University
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Mary Cait
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Idiots | New Jersey | Students | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2009-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Brits Even Make Farting Sound Civilized
British woman: Pardon me, I have to go get meself centered.
Yoga Studio
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Etiquette | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Spoken Like Somebody Who's Never Seen SVU
Student: There's no child out there that's like, "you know what I want today, I want to have sex with a forty-year-old man, that's what I'm really craving today."
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Age and ageing | Kids | Overheard at UMBC | Sex | Students | Wishes | Posted 2009-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Not Every Day You Get to Have Your Face Smushed Against a Complete Stranger
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are normally a six-car train. Today they gave us four cars. I cried, I begged, but to no avail. (10 minutes later) Next stop, Secaucus! Hang on, we're gonna make it!
Transit Train
New Jersey
Overheard by: twoferrets
Categories: Conductors | Feelings | New Jersey | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Even More Fetching When It's Full
Coed: I like your bladder.
USC
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Body parts | California | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Students | Posted 2009-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So We Didn't Do the Hanksta-Panksta
Preppy Hispanic girl: He thinks he's so gangsta-gangsta, but he's not. He's a wangsta-wangsta.
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Compare and contrast | Latinas | Preppies | Stupidity | Tennessee | Posted 2009-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If I'm Going to Rent Them Out, I Get to Make the Rules.
Girl in humanities course: I don't trust Chinese people with my eyebrows.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Amused college student
Categories: Body parts | Fashion | Pennsylvania | Students | Posted 2009-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Etymology Lesson You'll Wish You Never Had
Effeminate boy #1: And he said "my penis is so big I can't control it."
Effeminate boy #2: Oh, god. Really?
Effeminate boy #1: Yes, his mother uses really scientific terminology.
Effeminate boy #2: Oh. Oh, I see.
Effeminate boy #1: Mhmm. Well, he's only four, too. He's already peed on himself because as he says "it's not long enough go down." I just call it a pee-pee. That's where the word "pee" comes from. Mmhmm.
Effeminate boy #2: Really! Huh!
Friendship Heights
Washington, DC
Overheard by: aimc
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Pee | Penis | Queers | Science | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2009-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least Five Times a Day.
Girl inside stall: I love my vagina!
Bathroom in Bar
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bringing it back to you | Connecticut | Feelings | Girls | Vagina | Posted 2009-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Literacy Campaigns Have Come a Long Way Since Reading Rainbow
Girl, looking at books: I love the library! It's like natural Adderall.
Scranton, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: too old for this
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Posted 2009-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But We'll Learn Better Ways to Do That in This Class
Professor: At concerts, you move your head in an up-and-down motion in certain parts, also known as "headbanging." You may also be Satanic. You may or may not, or you might just to piss off your parents.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Evil | Family ties | Music | Overheard at UMBC | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Gives Map Quizzes at the College Level?
Student #1, pointing to answer on a map quiz: Why did I get this wrong?
Student #2: That's Canada, you labeled it the USA.
Student #1: But we own them, the professor said so.
Student #2: Figuratively.
Student #1: Well, that's misinforming!
Cafe, Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
Why Vacations Exist.
Conductor: Next stop, Chiswick. (trailing off) Chiswick... Chiswick... Cheese balls... Cheese balls...balls. (normal tone) Next stop, Chiswick.
B Line
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Stefa
Categories: Balls | Conductors | Food | Massachusetts | Public Transportation | Train | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And What's That on Your Hamburger?
Chick: Has anyone seen the bottle of fake blood?
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Chicks | Drinking & drunks | Lies | Pennsylvania | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...For Being Boring.
Girl on cell: At least I never got kicked off of Facebook!
UCLA
California
Overheard by: what...?
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Girls | Internet | On the phone | Stupidity | Posted 2009-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Even Sofia Bush?
Trolley driver, approaching Bush Street: Anyone for Bush? Then get off! Anyone? Anyone? (no one moves) Thank god!
San Francisco, California
Categories: Conductors | God | Politics | Questions | San Francisco | Posted 2009-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Can Only Tolerate the Illusion Of Clean
Semi-drunk girl in pub crawl attire: I hate Windex, but I fuckin' love Febreze!
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: History Major
Categories: Canadia | Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Drunks | Feelings | Girls | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Posted 2009-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Even Worse in Chicago.
8th grade health teacher, answering why you can't put a condom on when you're not erect: So...um, when it's not hard, it's just like there, you know, flapping in the wind...
Silver Spring, Maryland
Overheard by: nice thought...
Your Editors Pray She's Not from the U.S.
Tourist woman to wheelchair-bound local: Can you point me in the right direction?
Wheelchair-bound local: Yep, it's straight down that way.
Tourist woman: Okay...but is it walkable?
St. Lawrence Market
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: kingdubby
And the Local Deer Keep Trying to French-Kiss Me
100-pound, totally fit wife: I am pretty sure I have elevated sodium levels.
Husband: Your sodium levels are fine, honey.
100-pound, totally fit wife: No, I really think they are high enough to put me in the at-risk category.
Husband: What are you basing that on, exactly?
100-pound, totally fit wife: My tongue feels oversalted.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: kingdubby
Categories: Canadia | Couples | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Posted 2009-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Why Would You Want to Be a Middle-School Nurse?
Tall woman on cell: It's not like I wanted to do it either, but sometimes you just have to grab her, spread her legs, and shove the tampon in there. I mean it's part of the job after all.
Dayton, Ohio
Overheard by: I hope she gets hazard pay!
Categories: Body parts | Health & Hygiene | Jobs & Careers | Ohio | On the phone | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2009-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If I Wanted to Read Subtitles I'd Get a Book!
Daughter at video store: What about this one, mom?
Mom: You pick crap! I'm getting you an animated movie!
Rodanthe, North Carolina
Categories: Family | Family ties | Insults | Moms | Movies | North Carolina | Parenting | Questions | Posted 2009-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I'm the Dairy Queen.
Seven-year-old girl #1: Hey! There goes Angus!
Seven-year-old girl #2: Oooh, you are falling in love with him.
Seven-year-old girl #1: I am so not falling in love with him. He's allergic to dairy!
Australia
Overheard by: hahamama
Try It and You're Outtie.
Dad to kid: Come back here, or I'll have to beat you!
Kid, indignant: You can't beat me! I'm a belly button!
Wal-Mart
Pasco, Washington
Categories: Body parts | Dads | Kids | Parenting | Stores | Threats | Violence | Washington | Posted 2009-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Like Whales.
Guy with burger to friend, loudly: Penguins are fish, and fish don't eat fish!
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: kib
Scientists Call It "Nature's Junk Drawer"
Professor: So does anyone know what the word "matrix" means in Latin?
(silence)
Professor: Well it means "womb." Now, why might that be? Let's think about it...I mean, I guess a womb is a pretty good place to put...things.
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Education | Language barrier | Questions | Students | Teachers | Virginia | Words | Posted 2009-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Since I Dispensed with My Beehive Hairdo
Female salesperson: I keep all my secrets in my Furby!
Toy Store
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: i keep mine in tupperware
And the State Will Take Both Of Us Away
Woman to four-year-old daughter: Do not touch anything. Do you know what will happen if you touch something?
Little girl: You'll smack me in the face!
Liquor Store
New Jersey
I'm Not Sure I've Heard This Version Of "Goldilocks and the Three Bears"
Teenage boy: She said his bazooka was too big for her funhole.
High School
North Carolina
Overheard by: aWkWaRd
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | North Carolina | Penis | Sex | Teens | Vagina | Posted 2009-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or "Dy-no-miiiiite"?
Kooky English professor, leading discussion: Now, what if the raven had said "chicken soup"?
Birmingham-Southern College
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: lenore
So This Better Be at Least Three Karats.
(drunk boy pulls out diamond ring and offers it to drunk girl)
Drunk girl: Fuck you, Tim! You fell asleep at dinner!
London
England
Overheard by: Tequila Sally
Garfield Would Do Pretty Much Anything for Lasagna
Slightly drunk chick, peering into drink: I think my cat is gay.
Really drunk friend: Hey, heyyyy...
Slightly drunk chick: Or maybe he's just a slut.
The Backdoor
Louisville, Kentucky
Categories: Animals | Bars & Clubs | Chicks | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Friends | Kentucky | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2009-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Kids Flock to Her Slumber Parties for Her Mom's Brownies
Chick on cell: Yeah, mom, listen: I'm trying to buy some weed. Yeah, I'll call you back if I get any. Okay, love you too. Bye.
Downtown Crossing
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Adrienne
Categories: Chicks | Drugs | Family ties | Massachusetts | Moms | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yet You Know When Jennifer Aniston Changes Her Hair Color?
Mexican drag queen hosting a show: It's St. Patrick's day tomorrow...
Crowd: It's today!
Mexican drag queen: Is it tonight? I never know these things, I don't watch the news!
Gay Bar
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Latinos | Queers | Strangers | Stupidity | TV shows | Time Management | Posted 2009-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Some Weird Reason I Can't Keep Them, Though.
High school kid to another, on bus: I'm all sensitive and shit, that's why I get all the bitches.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Bus Boy
Categories: Bragging | Feelings | Frat boy types | Pennsylvania | Sex | Stupidity | Posted 2009-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Matter Where I Take You, You're Still You
Tourist, yelling at husband who went to magazine kiosk : Get the magazine! Not the paper! Magazine! (husband comes back with paper) *Sigh* Men...they're the same everywhere.
Kuala Lumpur
Malaysia
Categories: Compare and contrast | Couples | Family ties | Malaysia | Pop culture | Tourists | Posted 2009-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Mean, Look at Betty Boop
Random girl to friend: Just because I've seen your o-face doesn't mean you're attractive.
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: C.S.
With a Cardboard Cut-Out Of Him, Anyway
Girl: So all these old football guys showed up...and long story short, she ended up making out. With Terry Bradshaw.
Joe's Place
Iowa City, Iowa
Overheard by: devon
Categories: About celebrities | Bars & Clubs | Girls | Gossip | Iowa | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Posted 2009-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aren't You Wendy from Season One?
Barista #1: Yeah, Joey does a great Tim Gunn impression. You should ask him to do it for you.
Barista #2: I will. So you really like Project Runway?
Barista #1: Oh my god, yes! Like, I should totally be on that show.
Barista #2: Yeah? Do you do fashion design?
Barista #1: Well, no. But I dress myself really well. And I have really good ideas. But I can't really sew or anything.
Starbucks
Fairborn, Ohio
Overheard by: Barista #3
Categories: About celebrities | Baristas | Clothing | Fashion | Offers and requests | Ohio | Questions | TV shows | Posted 2009-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Not Even Gonna Ask About Your Leash Collection
Grandmother: So my friend gave me dog biscuits for my birthday.
Teen girl: But you don't have a dog.
Grandmother: She knew I would appreciate them, dear.
Teen girl: And it isn't your birthday.
Grandmother: That doesn't matter. I was going to save them for the Boxer that young man brings around the home, but I got hungry around noon.
Teen girl: Oh no. You didn't.
Grandmother: What? It's not as if I ate them plain. I boiled a cup of coffee and dipped them.
Frammingham, Massachusetts
I Still Got All Muddy, But I Was Paid for It.
Office worker: Well, I almost went to Woodstock, but then an opportunity to make money came up.
Shout-out: evadne-noel.livejournal.com
Categories: Compare and contrast | Coworkers | Money | Music | Other sites | Posted 2009-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With His Big Blue Ox
Drunk girl: St. Patrick's day is celebrating St. Patrick...who drove all the rats out of Germany.
University of Evansville
Evansville, Indiana
Overheard by: matt
Get Off That Muffin for a Sec.
Guy #1, smashing grapes: I'm making wine.
Guy #2: That's not how you make wine.
Guy #3: Yeah, you need yeast. Hey, Melissa, come here.
Maryland
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Fruit | Guys | Maryland | Science | Posted 2009-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Show a Man a Waxed Pussy and You Could Have Brillo on Your Legs
Bikini gal to friend: Wow! Do you ever shave? Your leg stubble just about took my eye out!
Friend: Please, I just spent $85 dollars on a Brazilian wax...look!
Bikini gal: Okay, Brittany, pull your fucking suit up! I'm just talking about your legs!
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: zelph
Also Spiritually, Metaphysically, and Anally.
Teen girl: Am I fat?
Teen boy: Emotionally? Yes.
La Jolla, California
Overheard by: Acire
Categories: California | Diet & weight | Feelings | Questions | Teens | Posted 2009-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Americans: "See? It's Not Just Us."
15-year-old female student, staring at results of geography test: But I thought Wales was that bunch of small islands at the top of Scotland...
Secondary School
England
...I Suddenly Had a Brilliant Idea.
Lady #1: My husband and I are going to Vegas tomorrow for four days. Our only trip without the kids. I am ticked because today I got my period.
Lady #2: Oh, what a pain in the ass.
Lady #1: Ahhhh?!
Hamburg, Michigan
Categories: Backdoor | Comebacks | Family ties | Health & Hygiene | Holidays | Michigan | Women | Posted 2009-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Sense an Imbalance in The Force
Stoned girl #1: We should go to Tops Yogurt soon!
Stoner girl #2 to stoned guy: Yeah! You should come!
Stoned guy: Why Tops? Why not bottoms?
Stoned girls, in unison: Yeah! Why Tops? Why not bottoms?!
Sacramento, California
The Baby Doesn't Understand You, Derek.
Dude, with narrowed eyes: I know your kind. I bet you're sticky.
High School
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Character | Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Sensory experiences | Stoners | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Remember When We Used to Talk About Politics?
60-year-old man #1: Do you get the Disney channel?
60-year-old man #2: I sure do!
60-year-old man #1: Do you ever watch Kim Possible?
60-year-old man #2: It's my favorite show!
60-year-old man #1: No way! Me too!
60-year-old man #2, attempting to sing: Call me, beep me, if ya' wanna reach me!
60-year-old man #1: (silence)
60-year-old man #2: I like the naked rat.
Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute
Troy, New York
Overheard by: Bacon
Or Did You Shave Your Upper Lip With Occam's Razor?
Freshman, walking down hallway with friend: Dude, this hallway smells like the pussy I ate last night.
High School
West Bloomfield, Michigan
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Friends | Licking | Michigan | Sensory experiences | Students | Vagina | Posted 2009-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
John Lennon's "Imagine" Went Through Several Preliminary Drafts
Blonde girl: Haha, imagine if my flange was a romantic love chasm... It's more of a cheeky fuckhole.
Loughborough
England
Overheard by: Gibson
Only If He Promises Not to Perform Auto-fellatio Again
Bus-riding teen #1: Fully grown adult males are, like, five inches! I'm telling you!
Bus-riding teen #2: No way! Tom is, like, ten inches when it's hard and, like, eight when it's soft!
Bus-riding teen #1: Do you want me to get my dad and check?
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Penis | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And How Do I Get That Job?
Woman on cell, after next bus stop is announced: Did you hear that? The woman giving the announcement? It's the same woman every time. I wonder where she is.
eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | On the phone | Public Transportation | Questions | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2009-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
R2D2 Refused to Answer Me
Student to friend: So I said, "Dude! You're the one inside the metal box!"
Harvard University Campus
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: CT girl
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Friends | Massachusetts | Sensory experiences | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Judge the Germans.
Mother: Where's Germany?
Daughter: There. (points it out on map)
Mother: That's not Germany! That's Germany! (points to Africa)
Daughter: What? Mom, that's Africa. (points to Germany again) This is Germany. And this is Europe...
Mom: Oh.
Daughter: Holy shit, mom.
Mom: Don't judge me!
Renton, Washington
Categories: Default | Geography | Girls | Moms | Offers and requests | Stupidity | Washington | Women | Posted 2009-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just the Check Then?
Waitress: Do you all need anything else?
Black guy: Do ya'll have some salvation back there in the kitchen?
Black girl: Are you for real? You makin' me laugh so much I'm gonna need a bucket, ya'll got a bucket back there too?
Perkins
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Deanna Gustav
Categories: Black people | Christianity | Default | Employees | Girls | Guys | Indiana | Offers and requests | Questions | Restaurants | Words | Posted 2009-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I Joined the Rugby Team
College girl: I'm so ready for my first homoerotic experience!
New Paltz, New York
Besides, Wasn't Harmanfadites a King Of Persia?
Male student: We were learning about harmanfadites in my psych class today.
Female student: What's that?
Male student It's when a person is born with boy and girl parts.
Female student: Nasty.
Male student: Yeah. I was wondering, if two of them have sex, are they both gay? Or lesbians?
Female student: I can't talk about this while I am eating.
Wayne State University
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: Jonson
Somebody's Husband Wasn't Properly Fed and Watered
Hipster girl to friend: I heard the most offensive thing in Crate & Barrel!
San Francisco, California
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Hipsters | Names | San Francisco | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So You're...a Coxswain?
Girl #1: My two biggest concerns in life are rowing and gays.
Girl #2: Rowing and what?
Girl #1: Gays!
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Sexuality | Virginia | Posted 2009-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Only 'Cause You Can't Hear Her
Annoying teen #1, looking at trashy magazine: She's cute.
Annoying teen #2: That's Jessica Simpson.
Annoying teen #1: Well, she looks good red-headed and with her mouth open.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Giggling quietly in the pharmacy sectino
Categories: About celebrities | Beauty | Default | Hair | Mouth | Pennsylvania | Teens | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Confucius Was Quite the Misogynist
Old man to another: Well, ya know what they say. Life's too short to dance with ugly women!
Flea Market
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | Compare and contrast | Dancing | Default | Guys | Old folks | Tennessee | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Elizabeth Taylor Would Soon Realize Her Goal
Girl to friend: If I'm 80 and still alive, I'm going to eat the whole world.
South Bend, Indiana
Overheard by: Carole
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Euphemisms | Food | Girls | Indiana | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If That's True, How Come There's Never Been a Real World There?
Flight attendant: Okay, everyone, we're going to be landing soon. We would like to be the first to welcome you to reality...I mean, Cleveland.
Plane over Cleveland, Ohio
Categories: Airports & flights | Default | Flight attendants | Ohio | Public Transportation | US Geography | Words | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Perhaps I'm Mis-Remembering Sesame Street
Guy, singing: He'll only be your friend if he touches your breast...
Girl: What?!
Guy, not singing anymore: It's like my favorite song.
Metro State
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Squid
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Default | Girls | Guys | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And They're the Only Place You Have Any Fat
Obviously skinny girl: Do you think I should get lipo?
Friend: No! There's nothing wrong with your boobs.
Rochester, New York
Overheard by: wow!!
Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Default | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | New York | Questions | Skinny people | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, I'm Still Trying to Figure Out the Color Of My Aura
Girl to friend: There's a book you might be interested in, called What Color Is Your Parish.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: mine's ultraviolence
The English Won't Serve Pizza to Just Anyone
Mother to small child: So Paul just has to prove he's a woman now. So that should be fine.
Restaurant
London
England
Overheard by: sneaking a peek
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | England | Moms | Names | Restaurants | Sexuality | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Chemical Element?
Drunk man to another: If I had a nose like fluorine I wouldn't be wishing anyone a merry Christmas.
Bar
Edinburgh
Scotland
Overheard by: Jesse Green
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Guys | Holidays | Scotland | Wishes | Posted 2009-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why, Are Crocs Back?
Patron #1: How are you tonight?
Patron #2: Well, I'm currently disappointed in humanity.
Bar
Columbus, Indiana
Overheard by: Projection1234
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Bosses | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | Indiana | Questions | Posted 2009-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Nothing Else, Straight Dudes Know How to Potty.
Angry guy: No! We're going to go to the fucking pisser, and then we're going to leave!
(both start towards the bathroom).
Friend: Wait, I don't have to piss, why am I coming with you?
Angry guy: Fuck you, man!
Friend: Seriously, why do you fucking need my help?
Medford, Oregon
Our Mental Instability Is the Glue That Binds Our Friendship, Sadie.
Purple-haired girl on swing: I love the swings. When I was a kid I used to just sit on them for hours, having panic attacks.
Punk girl on swing: Holy fuck, you too!?
Bakersfield, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Kids | Memory lane | Punks | Posted 2009-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Then Other Times I Vomit
Drunk guy walking past mirror: Man, sometimes I see myself, and I make myself horny.
Hanover College
Hanover, Indiana
Overheard by: Whitney
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Guys | Indiana | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
See How Their Little Ice Caps Are Melting?
Guy wearing Stanford shirt: Hey, look! Manatees!
Friend: Those are polar bears.
San Diego Zoo, California
Overheard by: Dayum
Categories: Animals | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Guys | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I Hooked Up With His Friend
Coed #1: So we're finally officially dating. I mean it's been, like, six months!
Coed #2: Great! That's moving forward!
Coed #1: Yeah. He said the first six months I was on "dating probation" and now I'm on "girlfriend probation." His friend got drunk at the bar and was all like "what, you haven't made her official yet?" so he's like, "you have my friend to thank for this."
UNCG
Greensboro, North Carolina
Overheard by: Put him on boyfriend probation
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Default | Drinking & drunks | North Carolina | Questions | Relationships | Students | Posted 2009-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...With My Face Pasted on the Panther.
Chick #1: I met him when I was taking my picture in to be framed.
Chick #2: Was it a naked photo of you?
Chick #1: It was a naked lady on a panther.
Michigan
Overheard by: Meister E
That's Where I Got the Idea for the Woodland-Creatures Baseball League
Girl to friend: So, I was just walkin' along and you know what that squirrel did?
Friend: What?
Girl: It threw a nut at my head!
Southern Illinois
It's Rare to Find a Young Man Who Thinks That Far Ahead
Five-year-old boy: Hey, I got an idea! Let's get naked!
Visiting adult friend: Yeah? And then what?
Five-year-old boy: We'll sit in the street!
Mason, Ohio
Overheard by: Rachel
...As Seen in the Porno Take, Eat, This Is My Booty?
Asian teenage girl: Wait, so did Jesus ejaculate wine?
Starbucks
Red Bank, New Jersey
Categories: Asians | Cum | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Jesus | New Jersey | Questions | Restaurants | Teens | Posted 2009-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight, on Mystery Quote Theater...
Girl #1: She defriended me!
Girl #2: Well, that explains the shoes.
Brown University
Providence, Rhode Island
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Internet | Rhode Island | Words | Posted 2009-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I've Been Looking to Trade Up
Skanky 20-something girl: So the crack dealer who beat me up in the third grade keeps asking me for my number.
Alterra Coffee
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Categories: Default | Drugs | Girls | Offers and requests | Restaurants | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And He Prefers to Feel His Moon in My Seventh House
Girl #1: I mean, there's condoms for free in the student center! Why don't you guys use protection?!
Girl #2: Sigh. I don't know. I think because I'm a Gemini.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Who has this conversation when I'm sitting right next to them?
Categories: Condoms | Default | Euphemisms | Girls | Massachusetts | Questions | Sex | Stupidity | Posted 2009-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Long Story Short, My Vag Now Has an SPF Of 45
20-something woman to friends: He was putting sunscreen on his dick and got a boner!
Plutos Restaurant
Palo Alto, California
Categories: California | Default | Erections | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Penis | Restaurants | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...When I Sat on His Face. What?
Girl #1: My 21st birthday was fun.
Girl #2: So was mine, minus the fact that my friends bought stuffed animal beavers at the winery and proceeded to yell about how soft and hairy their beavers were... While my dad was driving.
Girl #2's grandma: What's a beaver?
Girl #2's mom: It's...what some people call the female genitalia.
Girl #2's grandma: Ohhh...your grandfather used to just call it a cunt.
San Francisco, California
Categories: Age and ageing | Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | Hair | Moms | Old folks | Questions | San Francisco | Vagina | Words | Posted 2009-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Thought All the Whack-Jobs Were on Capitol Hill?
Confused tourist lady, looking at anime convention kids in costume: Excuse me? Do you know what all of this is about?
Local: Yeah, the whack-job convention is in town.
Confused tourist lady: The...the..."whack-job" convention? (looks at costumes) Whack-jobs?
Local: (smacks forehead and turns away)
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Sarah Boyd
Categories: Default | Girls | Kids | Names | Offers and requests | Questions | Stupidity | Tourists | Washington, DC | Posted 2009-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Didn't Start Out As a Skirt
Loud high school chick in back of the bus: Remember when Amanda was wearing that skirt and she farted? It sounded like she dropped a fucking bomb! Wheeee-boom! Everyone applauded, it was that fucking cool.
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: bitingontinfoil
Categories: Burping & farting | Canadia | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Memory lane | Students | Posted 2009-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Always the Elephant in Any Room in a High School
Math teacher: Why is there a baby in the classroom?
Chino, California
It's Almost As Powerful As the Care Bear Stare
English professor: Now don't think you're going to be just one big solid bloc of female voting energy because I won't stand for that.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Mr. Kong's Actually a Tender and Selfless Lover
Girl on phone: No, no, he's not bad news; he's just really tall.
Boulder, Colorado
...In Unrelated News.
High school psychology teacher: As humans, we all walk around on two legs. We're all pedophiles.
Michigan
Overheard by: Did you mean
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Kids | Michigan | Sexuality | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Kind Of a Boy Gives Hugs, Anyway?
Man to son, coming out of restroom: After what you tried to do to Tigger I'm not sure if you deserve that.
Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Tracy
Categories: About celebrities | Dads | Default | Florida | Guys | Kids | Offers and requests | Pop culture | Tourist attractions | Posted 2009-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All My Children Waits for No Man
Man in stall on cell: Hey! It's me, do you want to talk dirty? (pause) Oh, okay. I'll let you watch your show.
Coral Springs, Florida
He Says This Every Monday.
Tram driver to very black coworker: Have you been on vacation again? You've got a great tan going on!
Gothenburg
Sweden
Overheard by: Dan Sebastian
A Fun and Flirty One
Guy #1: Yo, fathead! Going to prison is just a fact of life. Everybody goes at least once.
Guy #2: I know, man...I'm just gonna miss the daily hustle.
Guy #1: Like I said, you're not a man till you've worn a jumpsuit.
Knoxville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Hannah H
What Watching a Hannah Montana Marathon Feels Like
Older man to friend: I don't like being murdered! Do you know how it feels like to be murdered? Trust me, you don't want to know. I'm always being murdered.
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: uhh am I seeing ghosts?
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | Murder | New Jersey | Old folks | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Just Thought It Would Be a Lot Bigger, Is All.
Little girl in stall with dad: You're silly! This is silly!
Dad, peeing: Nothing is silly in here.
Girl: That's silly. This is silly. Stop.
Men's Bathroom
Hendersonville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Tanner
QED, Girlfriend
Young woman #1: How much time do I waste studying that I could be working out?
Young woman #2: I'd rather be skinny than smart.
Logan Airport
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Health & Hygiene | Jobs & Careers | Massachusetts | Women | Posted 2009-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wide Chicks Should Be Another Big Hit for the Wayans Brothers
Dude: And then we had to carry Elizabeth *three blocks* back to my place because she was too wide to fit in the car.
University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Hamster Was Extremely Sooty
Gay dude: No, they're just too greasy for me.
Fag hag: Says the Mexican...
Gay dude: Excuse me? I'm black by insertion.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: i don't like water
But Now I Understand Why Your Pants Are Always Wet
Tall balding guy: You know how you can eat so much and be so full that when you take a piss you can't even see your dick?
Friend: No.
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: could not stop laughing
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Friends | Guys | Pee | Penis | Questions | South Carolina | Posted 2009-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So There Goes My Weight-Loss Plan
Girl: I almost failed my drug test because I couldn't pee in front of the lady. I guess I can never go to prison.
Chico, California
Overheard by: KJ
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Girls | Pee | Posted 2009-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Gotta Learn How to Pregame
Girl #1: I came really fast, apparently.
Girl #2: Wow, really?
Girl #1: Yeah. (sighs) If only we weren't talking about childbirth.
Auckland
New Zealand
Sleepover!
Mother: These sheets smell weird.
Child, enthusiastically: Yeah, like other people's houses!
Thrift Store, St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Sandy
Every Now and Then, My Inner Cracker Pops Up and Says Stupid Shit
Black girl in car: God, I wish I was black so I could say things like that.
White girl in car: But wait...you are black.
Black girl in car: I can't believe I just said that!
Detroit, Michigan
And She Makes an Excellent Paperweight
20-something blonde: It's just...she can't talk, all she does is scream and cry. She's not even a real person yet. I just don't understand how you can love her so much!
Redhead, lovingly cradling baby: Shit, hon, you have to stop saying things like that. She's your daughter!
Café Nero
London
England
Overheard by: Nit
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | England | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | Moms | Restaurants | Posted 2009-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Does Your Mom Find That Out?
Girl to guy she just met: My mom found out I had been having anal sex. She kept repeating "that's an exit, not an entrance." I told her how much fun it was, and that she should try it.
University of Oregon
Categories: Advice | Backdoor | Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | Girls | Oregon | Posted 2009-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Bitch Is Sweet!
New Jersey guy #1: Dude, I bet Mother Teresa's pussy was like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.
New Jersey guy #2: Is that the bitch from the maple syrup bottle?
New Jersey
Overheard by: Cougar Bear
Categories: Christianity | Default | Food | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | Vagina | Posted 2009-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unfortunately, We've Lost Megan
Girl on cell to guy with glasses: Oh! Megan found your pants!
Guy with glasses, doing jazz hands: Yay!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: What...?
Translation: I Had Lots Of Sex
Guy: So how are you? How was your trip?
Girl: It was sooooo much fun!
Guy: Really? What did you do?
Girl: Oh, I don't know. Nothing really.
Millennium Park
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Sarah
Never-- Thanks, Labia Clamps!
Woman to friend buying panties: So, are you sure these aren't the ones that will give you cameltoe?
Peoria, Arizona
Overheard by: Giggling cashier
Categories: Arizona | Body parts | Clothes | Default | Offers and requests | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Don't See Either on the Menu
Serious Asian dude: I don't like angry soul food bitches. I like happy soul food bitches.
Maryland
Overheard by: Neither nor
...Then I'll Have Everything Checked Off My Bucket List.
Wine girl #1: We should go get tattoos!
Wine girl #2: We totally should, I'll be divorced by morning!
Open Mic Night
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: only if it's my name on her ass
Categories: Advice | Bars & Clubs | Default | Girls | Illinois | Relationships | Tattoos | Posted 2009-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Proudly Present the Year's Dorkiest Sentence
Student: I didn't get to say "bosums"! Dang it!
Seattle, Washington
Ever Wonder What Happened to Gumby?
Woman: He's called "The Anal Man." His ass can bend in 15 different positions. He's a big hit in Europe. (produces rubber toy)
Los Angeles, California
Says It's a Slurpery Slope
Blonde teenager: Look at her. She's either a whore or a dyke.
Friend: That's why my dad doesn't let me drink Slurpees.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Dylan
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Maryland | Offers and requests | Teens | Posted 2009-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Vegan to the End
College girl: Yeah, she had dried cranberries and lettuce in her coffin too.
Atlanta, Georgia
The Contemporary Odd Couple Doesn't Hold a Candle to the Original
20-something guy #1: So you don't have to pee?
20-something guy #2: No man, never. It's fucking weird.
20-something guy #1: Yeah, I have to pee like, every hour. (both laugh)
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
The Hoboes Were Immaculate
Guy walking out of a narrow alley: That was the cleanest dark alley I've ever been in.
Montclair, New Jersey
Overheard by: Maggie
Categories: Cleanliness | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Memory lane | New Jersey | Posted 2009-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Guy Needs a Wingdyke
Tall blonde dude: If only she wasn't a butch lesbian, we would be so perfect for each other.
Petite blonde: You need to start thinking outside of those boundaries.
Juniata College
Huntingdon, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: I agree
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Sexuality | Posted 2009-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think You Need to Be Only in Your Panties to Fully Appreciate This Quote
Punk girl: For some reason, everything you do makes sense when you're in only your panties.
Purple-haired girl: I know, right? It makes sense to me too!
Tall greaser guy: In fact, it wouldn't make sense if you weren't only in your panties.
Bakersfield, California
Categories: California | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Punks | Questions | Posted 2009-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or You'll Spill Your Wine
Spanish professor, as class leaves on Friday: Be careful driving when you drink this weekend!
Hanover College
Hanover, Indiana
Overheard by: whitney
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Indiana | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Long-Handled One, If You Follow Me
Drunk student: I want nothing more in life than to be able to turn into a shoehorn.
Vancouver
Canadia
That Would Just Be Icing on the Cake
Woman to friend: I just want a sibling. I don't care if they're into sex.
Marrickville
Australia
Overheard by: Jaclyn
Categories: Australia | Default | Family ties | Offers and requests | Sex | Women | Posted 2009-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Without Menopause, We'd Have an Infanticide Epidemic
Grandmother, about tantrum-throwing child: I think it might be time to put her to sleep.
Mother: Yeah. Come on honey, we'll go home and have a nap!
Grandmother, under her breath: That's not what I meant.
Westfield Shopping Center
South Morang
Australia
Sylvia's Whole Life Is a Word Problem
Annoyingly talkative woman: I got my pumpkin t-shirt at Old Navy eight years ago. I wear it every year. But I've only worn it... eight times!
Commuter Train
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: M@
Nothing But The Chicken Dance for Me and My Posse
White geek girl: I swear, if it's the goddamn Macarena, I'm gonna cap a bitch!
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Why They Were Kicked Out Of the National History Museum
Gay guy, gesturing at transvestite performing onstage: I don't want to see any more boobs. Show me the dicks!
Gay friends, approving: We want dicks!
DNA Lounge
San Francisco, California
Categories: Default | Friends | Guys | Offers and requests | Penis | Queers | San Francisco | Sexuality | Posted 2009-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I'll Film It for YouTube.
Dad to little girl sitting on railing, watching sea lions: You fall down, that's it. If you fall down, I'm not helping you. (pause) And the sea lion's gonna eat you.
Pier 39
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Paulo
At Least She Correctly Identified Them As Birds.
High school girl, looking at seagulls feeding: That ain't crows, them are ducks!
Shout-out: talovich.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Yugan
Categories: Birds | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Language barrier | Other sites | Students | Posted 2009-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It Weren't for Those Compromising Nudie Pics Of You with the Chalupa
Guy #1: (mumbles)
Guy #2: Well, maybe you need to be more white.
Guy #1: What are you talking about? I'm Mexican, you're white!
(pause)
Guy #2: Dude, you would make the best politician.
Bathroom, UC Santa Cruz
California
Categories: Advice | California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Politics | Questions | Restroom | Posted 2009-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Caught Me and Said, "I Got You, Babe."
Random guy: I came out of the womb at Sonny's Bar-BQ!
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: heidi
You'd Rather Be Cheated on with Someone Ugly?
Hot girl: So when I finally met the girl he cheated on me with, I was in shock, because she was about a thousand times hotter than she looked on the picture I found.
Guy friend: Yeah. Well, some people are just not photogenic.
Hot girl: No, you don't understand! She's like supermodel hot, he had like no choice, even I would have fucked that Moroccan bitch right then and there.
Guy friend: That's so hot.
Hot girl: Life is not fair.
Starbucks
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Guys | Infidelity | Restaurants | Sex | Posted 2009-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Low, Low Introductory Fee Of Only $9.95
Woman on cell outside Target store: And then he'll pee on your face!
San Jose, California
Categories: Body parts | California | Default | Pee | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He'd Just Gone Off His Meds-- Whew!
Girl: At first, I was really afraid he was cheating on me, but then I called him the next day and asked him where he was the night before...
Girl's friend: Well, where was he?
Girl: Oh, he was having drinks with John Lennon. I was freaking out for no reason!
New York
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Infidelity | Names | New York | Questions | Posted 2009-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Won't Even Buy "Fancy" Ketchup
Girl, looking at a bag of chips: How about these?
Friend checking for price: They're three dollars.
Girl, putting back the bag of chips: Dayuuummm! We don't need anything that fancy!
Grocery Store
Michigan
Overheard by: just buying some salsa.
Reader Poll: Is This Gross?
Woman to husband: Honey, can you go to the bathroom so the seat is warm when I use it?
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Default | Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Women | Posted 2009-06-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook