Overheard Everywhere | April 2009 Archives

Her Shirt Says "Jesus Is My Homeboy"

Fat drunk guy: I really like your shirt. It's very intellectual.
Girl: Uh, thanks.
Fat drunk guy: I mean, I'm in college, I like to think deep, you know? I want to make films. Deep films.
Girl: Yeah, that'll be cool.
Fat drunk guy: How old are you?
Girl: I'm 16.
Fat drunk guy: Oh, I'm 18. Well...I mean, I'm 23.

Shreveport, Louisiana

Overheard by: Elle

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

So I Poured a Cosmo Down His Pants.

Excited lady, telling story to group of people: And then he turned the tap on right into my purse!

Seattle, Washington

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But It Came with the ESP Feature

Teen guy #1: Fuck, my girlfriend hasn't texted me back in over two hours!
Teen guy #2: Do you even have your phone on you?
Teen guy #1: No, it's in the car.

Upper Hutt
New Zealand

Overheard by: Schmitty

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Difference Between Quality and Quantity Eludes Many Americans

Pouting newlywed wife: I feel like we don't spend enough time together.
Seething newlywed husband: (grinds teeth)
Pouting newlywed wife: Enough quality time.
Seething newlywed husband: (remains silent)
Pouting newlywed wife: Would you like me to tell you what quality time is?
Seething newlywed husband: (about to speak, thinks better of it)
Pouting newlywed wife: 23 hours a day.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: good, that leaves one hour for him to think of a response

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

So You're Saying Sex Is a Game?

Old religious woman to large crowd of highly amused students: Having pre-marital sex is like playing Russian roulette with your genitals!

Alumni Hill
University of Arizona

Overheard by: The girl who likes to live on the dangerous side

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Sidesaddle, If She Liked

Young suit #1: I'd totally ride her.
Young suit #2: Her!?
Young suit #1: Yeah, what's up with her? She's very pleasant-looking.
Young suit #2: My point exactly. You don't "totally ride" (makes air quotes) someone who's pleasant-looking.
(pause)
Young suit #1: Fair enough. (pause) Okay then, I'd totally let her ride me.
Young suit #2: Yeah, me too.

Subway Sandwich Shop
Glasgow
Scotland

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Her IPhone Cover Looks an Awful Lot Like a Klan Hood

Teen girl: What a bitch! Like seriously, why can't I buy an iPhone cover for my BlackBerry?
Friend: I bet she was being racist.

Toronto
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Or Why We Have Matching Engagement Rings

Male tour guide: So, this building is wh...
Sorostitute: Oh my god! Mike! (hugs tour guide)
Male tour guide: Hi...how are you?
Sorostitute: I'm great, but I gotta run, call me!
Mom in tour: I thought you said your name was Josh!
Male tour guide: It is...I don't know who that was.

Eastern Michigan University

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Who Isn't Picturing Rod and Todd Flanders Right Now?

Small child #1: Hey, daddy, can we go get some ice cream?!
Small child #2: Yeah, daddy, let's have ice cream!
Father: Uh, no. But you can have yogurt drinks. They're basically the same!
Small children: Yay!

West Edmonton Mall
Canadia

Overheard by: Dr. Ruth

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

In My Day, Substance Abuse Was a prerequisite for the Advanced Writing Seminar

Professor: Isn't Jim just a perplexing guy? I read his stories and I'm just like, "what's wrong with him?" Jim, you're just stoned all the time, aren't you? Are you stoned right now?
Jim: No!
Professor: But were you stoned earlier today?
Jim: Yes. But only because I was hungover!

Hartford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Claire

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Can You Prove He Didn't?

Teacher: Who lived at Monticello?
Student: Darth Vader!

History Classroom
Idaho

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Does That Pole Make Me Look Fat?

Girl in stall: Hi, can you put mom on the phone? (pause) Hey mom, yeah, it's me...next time you're online, go to my Facebook page and check out the pictures of me at the strip club.

Ladies Restroom, Library
Mississippi

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Nobody Ever Wins the Which-Sex's-Sex-Is-Best Argument

Straight girl: Butt sex, butt sex, butt sex!
Gay guy: You really love saying that, don't you?
Straight girl: Yes!
Gay professor: Do you prefer anal to vaginal!
Straight girl: Ewww, fuck no! I don't want anything in my asshole! See, I have a vagina. I have options, unlike gay men.
Gay professor: Ah, you'll never know the pleasures of prostate stimulation.

Westchester, New York

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

"Gingivitis" Is Nothing You Want to Hear from Your Dentist

Woman to friend: And then he said the "g" word, which I never thought he'd say...

Footpath
Australia

Overheard by: Genophobia?

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Especially If You Were Into Your Identical Daughter Cells

Microbiology lecturer: If you were a bacteria, this would be a highly pornographic image.

Melbourne University
Australia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Who's Daddy's Little Hell Spawn?

Man to small daughter: Do you know why they cut the elephants' tusks off? It's so they won't poke or hurt anybody. (pause) Just like we cut your fangs off when you were young.

St. Louis Zoo
St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: Katie

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Jeez, You're So Literal

Woman, holding up holiday card: This card is perfect! It says exactly what I want! (reads typical greeting card poem)
Man: Wow, it really says that?
Woman: Well, I made part of it up.

Fred Meyer Store
Oregon

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...Like It Says in Our Biology Textbook?

Teen girl, looking confused: Wait, guys. (pause) Do black people see in different colors?

Bus
Seattle, Washington

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Well I Certainly Hope So

Film student: Brittney spears is going to kill herself one day.
Film professor: Well, I see her more like a Liz Taylor, slowly bloating up and taking a long time to die.

Winnipeg
Manitoba
Canadia

Overheard by: Sean_G

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...That I Dipped in Cat-Food.

Teen girl #1 to friend: Ew, your breath smells like fish!
Teen girl #2: It's 'cause of the Swedish fish.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Couldn't Dad Wait 'til I Graduate?

Girl in North Face jacket and Uggs to clone friends: I mean, why couldn't it have been a normal suicide? Like, this week? Really?

Penn State Library
University Park, Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...Which Is a Great Lead-In to My Lecture on Gonorrhea

Blonde girl: I hate horror movies, because then I get scared that those things are going to happen, cause they really do happen.
Teacher: You can't live your life like that! Those things are really rare! Like, I've been in all sorts of sketchy situations, and I'm still here.
Guy: You're just too sheltered.
Teacher: Like, when I was in Rwanda, this guy was giving us a ride and he was like "do you want to stay overnight at my house?" and we were like "okay," and I immediately regretted that one...

Toronto
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

So Then They Both Went Out for Fro-Yo

20-something girl at bar: So then Steve went to Danny's house, and he had to break his legs, cos...you know...
Friend: Yeah, that's a shame.

Brighton
England

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...and Then Sags Down Again

Guy: So she googled me, and found the thing from the dance-off with my balls hanging out! It's the first thing that comes up!

www.overheardatyale.com

Overheard by: Overheard at Yale

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

He's Really More Of a Northerner

Crazy man #1: Are you from Mexico or Switzerland?
Crazy man #2: I am from Georgia! From the mountains.
Crazy man #1: North Georgia?
Crazy man #2: No, the mountains.
Crazy man #1: Are you friends with Santa Claus?
Crazy man #2: No, me and Santa don't get along.

Marta Train
Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Jessica

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And Then I'll Have My Master's in Evacuation.

Guy on cell, after an exam: It was like the big turd finally dropped, now all I have to worry about are little turds.

Louisiana State University

Overheard by: glad she went to class

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But I Still Don't Understand Those Two Dangly Bits

Girl, on sex-ed: Well, I went to a Catholic school and as a result I didn't know what a penis was until I got to high school.
Guy: I think these middle school girls need psychotherapy before they need birth control. 11-year-olds shouldn't be having sex.
Girl: Girls? Why just the girls? They're having sex with 11-year-old boys. You need something to stick in there in order to get pregnant.
Professor: Well, it looks like you found out what a penis was.

University of Northern Iowa
Cedar Falls, Iowa

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Is That What Jesus Would Do?

Catholic school girl #1: (sings "Total Eclipse of the Heart")
Catholic school girl #2: Stop it. I swear to god, I will shank you.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Overheard by: Adelaie

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Fewer Errors

Girl, watching baseball: Ugh, I'd rather have anal than watch baseball!

Waterloo
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: me too.

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

It's Like in the Bible, or Something

Dude: And so you go to sleep all relaxed, but when you wake up, they cut off part of your penis!

University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

We're All One Drunken Car Crash Away from Crutches, Honey

Girl: It's hard to listen to his lectures, but he has crutches so he's fun to look at.

UC
Santa Cruz, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

This Girl Is My New Best Friend

Drunk girl in painful-looking heels to tour group of incoming freshmen: This is your future!

Michigan State University

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But, Oddly Enough, Nine Months Later Sean Preston Was Born

Young professional woman: So, my husband and I decided we were ready to have a baby, but when I got pregnant I sort of freaked out and thought I wasn't ready. So I went out with my girlfriends, ate a bunch of sushi, smoked a pack of cigarettes and drank a fifth of tequila. Sure enough, the next day, I got my period. That shit really is bad for the pregnancy.

Flight over Atlanta, Georgia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Named My Cat "Velutinous."

Teenage queer: How do you say 'fluffy' in science?
Random young boy: Fluffology?
Pretty woman: What?
Teenage queer: Velutinous?
Random young boy: Oh, that's sciencey.

Aurora
Ontario
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Um, This Is Applebee's.

Intercom: The store will be closing in 15 minutes. Please bring your purchases to the front of the store to the check-out line. We hope you enjoyed your shopping experience. Thank you for shopping at K-Mart... Shit, I mean "Wal-Mart."

Wal-Mart
Massachusetts

Overheard by: Caitlin

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

So He's More Of a Business Associate Than a Friend

Climbing instructor to terrified new climber being held by another: Is he or is he not your friend? Would a friend drop you?
Terrified new climber: Well, he's my husband, so I don't know!

Climbing Gym
New York City, New York

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...Henceforth You Shall Be Dubbed "Boring Betty"

Professor, to newbie class: So...let's start with everyone telling me a secret about themselves so I can try and remember your names. You (pointing to student) start.
Student, tentatively: Ummm...I eat cold spaghetti in the morning?
Professor: Ewww! Fantastic.

University of Zurich
Switzerland

Overheard by: Stephanie

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Which Is the First Rule Of Lesbian Fight Club

Artsy emo: It was like lesbian Fight Club! First Leema liked Holly, then she liked Tracy, who liked Nicola, who also liked Holly. So Nicola and Leema got in a fist fight and in the end, Tracy and Holly had sex in the woodshop classroom!

Toronto
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

If It'll Be Reflected in Our Grades

Professor: Please don't talk amongst yourselves. When you talk amongst yourselves, I imagine you're saying horrible things like "Who would ever want to shag him?"
Previously chatting student: Don't worry! We all want to shag you!

University of Glasgow
Scotland
UK

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Once He Walks Through JoAnn's Door, a Man Starts to Die

Girlfriend, holding up scrapbook thing: Do you like this?
Boyfriend: Yeah, it's nice.
Girlfriend: "It's nice," because it's nice, or "it's nice," so we can get the fuck out of here?

JoAnn Fabrics and Crafts
Tacoma, Washington

Overheard by: baker98391

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And Get Your Desks Out Of That V Formation

Teacher: Sit the fuck down and stop acting like a bird!

High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Are the Stories About Martha Stewart As True As They Say?

Angry woman on cell: I want the fucking muffins!

Galleria Mall
Poughkeepsie, New York

Overheard by: Russ

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

What? Two Bugs Are Having a Race.

Very large man, staring down at his junk in front of urinal: Come on now, baby, you can do it, come on...

Houston, Texas

Overheard by: Dan

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Like Babies Do

Writer: That guy is so small he could get a job as a stunt midget.
Illustrator: Is that a real profession? I would have thought they did their own stunts.

Greenville Airport
Texas

Overheard by: Mike

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Or Maybe That Was the Little Asian Kid from Goonies?

Animated professor: And without the socialist revolution, to paraphrase Jar Jar Binks, "People gonna die!"

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And Have an Orgy to Celebrate-- Right, Mommy?

Seven-year-old daughter, confused: Mommy, why's the play called Murder on the Ides?
Mom: Well, it's about Julius Caesar, a Roman leader. See, in this country, when we don't like our leader anymore, we vote 'em out. But the Romans...
Seven-year-old daughter, excitedly: Oh! Oh! They kill them!!

Colgate University
Madison County, New York

Overheard by: Jake

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

If You've Ever Waited Weeks for Grades, You'll Understand the Applause

Professor, throwing exams on desk the day after taking them: I graded all of these. I want applause.
(class applauds)

UMass
Amherst, Massachusetts

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Last Time, the Gods Were Not Happy When We Sacrificed a Slut

Ditzy girl: I was so scared! Like, really, really scared. I was like: "please be a virgin, please be a virgin!"

Eugene, Oregon

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Sweetie, I'm a Bottom.

Asian girl, holding out fist: Pound it?
Queer: Do I look like someone who pounds it?
Asian girl, giggling: Ummmm...

West Lafayette, Indiana

Overheard by: Kole

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Where Do You Stand on Blinking V. Gatorade?

College student: I think I hate sleep more than I hate Snapple.

University of Delaware

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Especially an All-Girls' College?

Smithie: Why do I go to college if my only ambition is to be a constantly drunk trophy wife?

Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Colleen

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Translation: "Welcome to New York, Muthafuckaaaas."

MTA worker to tourist mom buying tickets with daughter: 10 dollars.
Mom: Oh, but she's a student.
Worker, looking at daughter: Oh! How nice for you! (looks back at mom) Ten dollars please.

Subway Station
New York City, New York

Overheard by: Glad thats not my cheap-ass mom

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Because I'd Be Happy to Give You a Guided Tour

Large middle-aged man with many teddy bears strapped to his fanny pack: Have you seen the penis worm?

Smithsonian Museum of Natural History
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Hadn't seen it

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

That's What Wretching Means, Right?

Guy with limp: I went up to a teacher and was like, "are you sexually aroused by my limp?"
Friend: What did she say?
Guy with limp: He didn't say anything, but I knew he was.

Kingston High School
Kingston, New York

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

After a Long Winter, the Root Cellar's Empty

20-something hipster to friend: So...I'm officially out of corpses.
Friend: Dude!

Portland, Maine

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

At Least That's What It Said on the Package

Girl in statistics class: She told me, "you're gay." How can I be gay? I had four--no, five and a half--servings of dick this morning.

Saint Peter's College
Jersey City, New Jersey

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Moving on to the Case Of Muffet V. Spider...

Father to son in stroller: Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall; Humpty Dumpty had a great fall; Humpty Dumpty hired a great lawyer; Humpty Dumpty sued the pants of the wall maker.

K Street
Washington, DC

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...Have You Seen the Al Gore Warming Plate?

College guy: So, speaking of Hillary Clinton and nutcrackers...

Anchorage, Alaska

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Yeah, Stop Emailing Me Those Photos.

Drunk girl: Guess whose shirt I'm wearing!
Sober friend: Whose?
Drunk girl, without missing a beat: What?
(15 minutes later)
Drunk girl: I'm not even wearing a shirt!

Dorm Room
Wisconsin

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

From George Washington: The E! True Hollywood Story

Suit #1, very seriously: And she was totally fixated on Martha. So I said to Martha, who swings both ways, you know, I said: "this girl is in serious need of some fanny," but the trouble is, she's found god.
Suit #2: The worst coitus interruptus in the world! That Martha's a complete nutjob, though.

Bookstore
Liverpool
England

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

When They Do, It's Quickly and Sparsely.

Girl sitting in front of lecture hall to professor, very matter-of-factly: People don't really use adverbs anymore.

Evans Hall, UC Berkeley
Berkeley, California

Overheard by: the only one left

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Sometimes I Go Overboard with My Hoeing

Sweet old lady: I'm a pretty wild gardener.

Bellingham, Washington

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Don't Stop 'til After Your Story's Climax

AP English teacher: Now, remember kids, what do I always say you all should do?
Student: Procreate?
AP English teacher: No! Well, eh...I do say that too, but I meant "proofread!"

Northport, Long Island
New York

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...And That He Watches According to Jim??

College sorostitute: Well, I thought we'd been dating for, like, 3 months. But then I looked at his Facebook profile, and it said "single."
Non-slutty college friend: You had to use Facebook to...
College sorostitute: Also, did you know he had a kid?

Charleston, South Carolina

Overheard by: Nuddles

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Plastic Shoes with Holes in the Tops Make Much More Sense.

Girl #1, sifting through shirts on table: Oh my god, these v-necks are so freaking cute.
Girl #2: Yeah...if this one didn't have sharks on it. If there's one thing I hate is sharks. Who puts sharks on shirts nowadays, anyway?

Urban Outfitters
San Francisco, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

There Are Men Out There Who Would Pay Top-Dollar for the Privilege.

Girl: Yeah, I brushed my teeth! (pause) You want to lick my gums and see?

Chinatown
Edmonton
Canadia

Overheard by: Laura

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Softly with Your Song, or What?

Black woman in the ER on cell: You killed him? What do you mean you "killed him"?

Chestnut Hill Hospital
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

That Explains the Radiation Suit

Greenpeace employee to college girl: Hey! Are you pro-environment?
College girl: No, sorry, post-apocalyptic.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: rabbit

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Then He Juggled Them While Drinking a Glass Of Water

Hottied-out college girl: So I was, like, drunk, and I fell down on the bed, and he helped me up with his balls. (friends stare uncomfortably) What? That's not a euphemism for sex! He *literally* helped me up with his balls.

University of Delaware

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

So Stop Putting Price-Tags on My Bedroom Furniture

Girl on cell: You're my mother, not a pawn shop!

Berkeley, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And Wrote "Blow Job" in the Comments Field

Guy on cell phone: I think it would look really bad if you gave me a check for $1000.

University Library
Montreal
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

We Fear You Lack the Brainpower to Be an Effective Stripper

Teacher, explaining sign up sheet: So, where it says "What are your plans?" You need to just put something like "Doctor," "lawyer," etc.
Blonde in back, whispering to girl next to her: Girl, I'm putting down "stripper," then all of my classes will be in the humanities building!

College Orientation
Washington State Community College

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

What? I'm Bendy.

Boy #1: Does this taste good?
Girl #1: Yes, it doesn't taste plasticky at all!
Boy #2: Tastes like penis.

Hollywood, Florida

Overheard by: meaw

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

When the Earth Was Green and Everyone Was Horny

Teenage girl to friend: I wish I lived back when there were unicorns!

Wyoming

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

One With Special Training in Fashion Emergency Medicine

Teen girl in stall #1, reading: "Press for assistance..." Oh, Crystal, they have a press for assistance button in here!
Teen girl in stall #2: What?
Teen girl in stall #1: You know when you're in the hospital and you got that little button to press for when you need the nurse to come? They have one in here!
Teen girl in stall #2: Shut up!

Dressing Room
Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: Alicia K.

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Well, We Do Have a Couple Of Pre-op Trannies

Girl: Oh, I'm doing Zumba today at five.
Guy: What's Zumba? Can I do Zumba?
Girl: Well...you can.
Guy: I can?
Girl: Yeah, it's not like there's a sign that says "No penises allowed."
Guy: But "no penises" is implied.

University of Miami
Florida

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

In Unrelated News, Could I Get a Ride to the Emergency Room?

Drunk guy #1, finishing rant: Plastic trees do not produce oxygen!
Drunk guy #2, retorting: They do if you eat them!

Bloomsburg, Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

NewsFlash: X-Treme Sex Gains Popularity on College Campuses

Roommate on phone: You've gotta get through the ribcage.

University of Oklahoma
Norman, Oklahoma

Overheard by: Wondering what they're planning.

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Shaquille O'Neal Stars in The Emperor's New Brain

Little girl, right before fireworks begin: Daddy, I can see perfectly through that tall man's head.

Walt Disney World
Orlando, Florida

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And Then There's the Peeing in My Closet

Sit-ups guy to older dude: Oh, hey there, Bob.
Older dude: You know, every time I see you I think of my dog.
Sit-ups guy: Oh? Why's that?
Older dude: I keep trying to get him to kneel. (walks away)

Z-Center, MIT
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Overheard by: MaybeHisNameIsNeal

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Why Norway Isn't Known for Its Music

Teacher: Let's all play a c.
(music class plays a horrible, off-key c)
Teacher: Without the instruments, then.

High School
Oslo
Norway

Overheard by: Jorunn

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

It's Been Too Long Since I've Played Magic: The Gathering

Young female hill staffer #1: Right there in the friggin' book stacks...
Young female hill staffer #2: You were friggin' in the book stacks?
Young female hill staffer #1: Damn girl, I was watching, not doing.
Young female hill staffer #2: Wasted opportunity, if you ask me. I'd have joined in, or embarrassed the hell out of them till they let me in.

Capitol Hill South Metro Station
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Yoda

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

How Catholicism Works: Explained

Stoner: If I had a brother--and he and your sister got married-- I would go over to their house all the time, and eat their food.

Great Falls, Montana

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Male Equivalent Of a Douche Chill?

Teen girl, yelling at computer screen: Oh, you willy shiver!

Totara Park
New Zealand

Overheard by: Schmitty

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

He's Singlehandedly Filling the Void Left by Newlyweds

Teacher: If you could be any vegetable, what would you be?
Random black student: I'd be a strawberry.

University of Florida

Overheard by: amused greatly

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

We've Given the Bin Ladens Enough, Sir

Crazy Polish man: I need a receipt!
Cashier: Sir, you can't have a receipt if you didn't buy anything.
Crazy Polish man: I need a receipt. I need a receipt or I'll kill you...because I am Osama Bin Laden.

Starbucks
New York City, New York

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...As My Grandma Always Said to Me.

Calculus lecturer: If I had 20 million dollars to give you as a gift...I would, just to see you fuck up.

Perth
Western Australia
Australia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Like We Saw in That Porn-- Remember?

Meathead #1: So, I think she's fuckin' some other dude...
Meathead #2: Yeah...but dude, just because she's fuckin' him doesn't mean she can't fuck you too.

Gym
USC, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...Unless You're Mrs. Claus.

Teenager #1: There's no way for Santa to visit all the houses on earth; that's impossible.
Teenager #2: He doesn't have to visit every house, though. Not everybody celebrates Christmas.
Teenager #1: So? That would be like god saying "Muslims can go fuck themselves, I only watch out for Christians."
Teenager #3: Some people actually do believe that.
Teenager #2: Yeah, I mean, if they don't celebrate Christmas, then...
Teenager #1: You know, at the speed Santa would need to travel to deliver gifts to all those people, his sleigh would literally catch on fire.
Teenager #2: Dude, see, it works like this...
Teenager #1: No, here's how it works: there's no fucking Santa.

Chino, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But I Have Bought His Ashes on eBay

Guy in Mexican restaurant: Have you ever met the Pope?
Girl in Mexican restaurant: No. He's dead.

Groton, Connecticut

Overheard by: Newt

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

You Are the Weakest Link. Goodbye.

Spanish teacher: And you really have to be careful what you eat, because they have a lot of E. Coli problems.
Teenage girl: E. Coli? Like in those commercials with the cough drops?
Spanish teacher: What?
Teenage girl: Y'know, like the "Eeee-coliiii..."

Jersey Shore High School
Pennsylvania

Overheard by: shana yo mamma

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The One You Held Hands with During Our Slumber Party

Fratboy wannabe #1, entering coffee shop, to friend: Dude, I was just attacked by Wes.
Fratboy wannabe #2: Who's Wes? Do I know Wes?
Fratboy wannabe #1: Yeah, yeah. Big guy, lives in our dorm.
Fratboy wannabe #2: The one I gave a hug to last night?
Fratboy wannabe #1: I don't know. I can't keep up.

Golden Roast
Knoxville, Tennessee

Overheard by: Creeped-out Cara

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Yankee Candle Scent That Never Made It to Shelves

Kid on bus: Ew! What's that smell?
Teacher: That's New Jersey.

School Bus
New Jersey

Overheard by: this guy

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Physics Lab That Was Never to Be Repeated

Tall skinny guy: Did you know that three out of every four deaths on roller coasters are girls? It's because they're so small and aerodynamic.

Six Flags
Valencia, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Lindsay Lohan: "How Come My Community Service Never Involves Martini Glasses?"

Guy #1, gesturing: ...in a martini glass.
Guy #2: That's disgusting! Why did you do that?
Guy #1: Because he had a broken jaw.
Guy #2: I know, but why were you doing that? Community service?

Bus Stop
San Diego, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

In Fact, I Eat Skinny People

Hot girl in line #1: Oh my god, I was so bad today! I had two whole scoops of ice cream for lunch.
Hot girl in line #2: You better watch it or you're not going to be able to fit into that cocktail dress you're buying.
Fat woman behind them: I fucking hate skinny people!

Department Store
Stockton, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

It Was Basically Donnie Darko, With Heath Ledger Wearing the Rabbit Suit

Male student: Brokeback Mountain was a good movie. Did you see it?
Female student: No. I heard it was sad. I don't really want to be sad.
Male student: It was pretty sad...but you know, like *good* sad. Like, Titanic sad.
Female student: Yeah?
Male student: Yeah. It basically was Titanic, except instead of a boat, it was a horse.
Female student: Huh. Maybe I *will* see it.

Southern California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Not As Much As Hanson, But Significantly.

20-something fashionista: Oh, the Spice Girls like totally changed my life!

Beverly Center
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Shabunapoodle

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Well, It Was New to Us.

Boyfriend, to girlfriend who has just ripped ass: Ugh! Baby! No, don't just walk away and leave me standing here, you can't just crop dust like that!

Target
Overland Park, Kansas

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Some Meteorologists Get Too Into Their Work

Meathead professor: And they climaxed in August, in all their climactic glory!

Chicago, Illinois

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According to the MLA Handbook

Girl in library #1: My intro and conclusion are really bad.
Girl in library #2: It's okay... an essay with a bad intro and conclusion is like a hot guy in dirty clothes.

Dalhousie University
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Well, It's Two First Names.

Friend #1, totally serious: Wait, who's Ron Paul?
Friend #2, joking: He's an African warlord.
Friend #1, still totally serious: He can't be! Africans don't have real names!

Grinnell College
Grinnell, Iowa

Overheard by: Goron

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Gene Kelly and Debbie Reynolds Weren't Always the Lovebirds They Appeared

Girl: Dang, it's raining!
Boy: Do you have an umbrella?
Girl: Yeah. I hate umbrellas.
Boy, surprisingly vehemently: Suck it up!

Syracuse University
Syracuse, New York

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

For Some Reason, Nobody Ever Listens to Cassandra

Loud girl on cell: Don't you think he might just be settling for you because he don't have no other choice? (pause) What I mean is, he's only marrying you because he can't find no one better? (pause) This is what I'm talkin' about. You don't know nothing. He don't want to marry you. He just is cause he ain't got nothing better to do. (pause) Yes, I am serious. Don't take that tone with me. I know what I'm talkin' about!

King of Prussia, Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And I'm Lactose Intolerant.

Teenage girl on cell: I don't get on with him at all...we're just like bread and butter.

London
England

Overheard by: Steve Elliott

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Wait 'Til They Do "The Thong Song" in Middle English

Girls, singing: My milkshake bringeth the lads in the square, prithee, 'tis better than yours, 'tis better than yours, I could teach thee, but I'd levy a fee.

4 Bus
Victoria
Canadia

Overheard by: Fair maiden Juliet

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

A Small But Important Distinction.

Daughter, about cousin: Does he want to give me a ride?
Dad: No, he wants you to ride him.

North Canton, Ohio

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

While the Dean Is Out Of Town on His Grinding and Shimmying Tour

Undergrad student: Where are the nursing faculty?
University secretary: Pumping.

College
Missouri

Overheard by: rami

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Ask a Monumentally-Retarded Question...

College student: Where do babies come from?
Professor: Well, one of mine came from a test tube, one came from China, and two of them came from a crazy woman. Any more questions?

UMW
Fredericksburg, Virginia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Difference Between Swedish and American Universities

Professor: We must go out and procreate!

Swedish History Class
Uppsala University
Sweden

Overheard by: Amused Exchange Student

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Let Us Give Thanks for Safe and Legal Birth Control

Brother: Where's the baby?
Sister: Over there. (gestures to crazy 4-5 year old child in jungle gym)
Brother: I'm sorry, but every time my nephew goes insane I want to clothesline him.
Sister: I don't think you're quite ready for fatherhood yet.

Playground
Poway, California

Overheard by: Jail, Anyone?

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

When You Locate the Controls Of Your Spacecraft

Quirky lesbian professor leading class in Kegel exercises: And everybody squeeze, hold, hold...release and squeeze, two, three...release.
Ditzy Indian, after shiver spasm: It gives me the willies!
Quirky lesbian professor: It's great, right!

Health Ed Class
Borough of Manhattan Community College, New York

Overheard by: Trying not to laugh at all the serious faces trying to hide these private exercises

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Kind Of Boy Who Grows Up to Be President

Eight-year-old boy playing Nintendo: Die! Die! Diediediediediediedie!
Older brother: Isn't that a little violent?
Eight-year-old: I'm goddam Kirby! I can do anything I want!

Houston, Texas

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But Mostly Because I Want to Use the Words "Ass Scope"

Suit #1: Yeah, I went in for a colonoscopy last week.
Suit #2: Really? How was it? Painful?
Suit #1: No, actually, with all the Demerol they gave me I don't remember anything about it...love that Demerol...so much so that I think I'll schedule another ass scope for next week.

Modesto, California

Overheard by: Ken Lane

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

That's the Last Time I'll Try Absinthe.

Teen to friend: My house smells like bug spray, and there is blood all over my bed!

Pappadeauxs Restaurant
Houston, Texas

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And Get That Hannah Montana Ringtone I've Been Wanting

Hipster boy: So, are you doing that post-bac pre-med thing?
Hipster girl: I dunno...I don't really know what I wanna do.
Hipster boy: Really, you don't wanna do medicine anymore?
Hipster girl: I dunno, I wish I could like, win the lottery. Then I'd go to like, Ghana, and just save people.

NYU Elevator

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

By That Point, We Were Married with Three Kids.

Punk girl: So we started fucking on a regular basis, right? And then I realized that I may actually like the guy!

University Campus
Austin, Texas

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

You're Supposed to Be Taking a Vacation from It

Canadian friend, after night out: I hope I wasn't being too annoying last night.
American friend: You weren't too bad. Until you started going on about the metric system.

French Quarter
New Orleans, Louisiana

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Difference Between the South and the North: Encapsulated

Female #1, seeing adult bookstore: well, that doesn't look like a porn store. It looks classy...like an ammo shop.
Female #2: Like an ammo shop? Classy like an ammo shop?

Egan, Louisiana

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

That Pretty Much Sums Up My Whole Spring Break

College girl: So, I was giving this guy a blowjob and a guy with a water gun walked by...

University of Evansville, Indiana

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Speaking Of Which, We Should Totally Go Back to That Leather Bar

Girl #1: I could never be a vegetarian.
Girl #2: Ugh, me neither, I love meat way too much.
Girl #1: I know. Especially when it's been caged and slapped around.
Girl #2: Totally.

Starbucks

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...In His Breadbox.

Guy: He has the brain of a supermodel.

Chino, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

You Don't Sound Excited!!!

Girl #1: Are you excited?
Girl #2: About what?
Girl #1: About everything!
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: I'm always excited!

Christchurch
New Zealand

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Also, "Boner"

Nerdy philosophy professor: The word that comes to mind when I think about grading multiple-choice tests is 'bloodbath'.

Catholic University
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Ditto.

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Notice the Bite Marks on My Shoulder

Girl: Kelly from work just texted me.
Guy: She's the really nice one, right?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: Who's the one who's not nice?
Girl: Everyone else.

Frederick, Maryland

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Even the Gardeners Wear Suits in Connecticut

Angry suit on phone: Listen, I don't care what you think, if you don't think I'm doing a good job, don't fucking ask me to work for you! (pause) No! No! No! I don't care, I'm doing more important things right now! (pause) I'm buying plant food!

CVS
Connecticut

Overheard by: Guy

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Excellent Reverse Psychology, Mom

White trash mother, hurrying five-year-old out of bathroom: C'mon, let's go!
Five-year-old: But I want to wash my hands!
White trash mother: (sighs) Fine, but make it quick.
Five-year-old: Yay!

Lamberts Cafe
Sikeston, Missouri

Overheard by: Grossed Out

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

She Wasn't Well Bread

Drunk guy to friend: I didn't respect her because she didn't respect the sandwich.

Scooter's Bar
Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Kate

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Hockey Mask and Mug Of Syrup Were Also Excellent Clues

Student #1: So what do you think, eh?
Student #2: Are you Canadian?
Student #1: Why in the world are you asking me that? Is it because I said "eh"?
Student #2: Well, yeah.
Student #1: That is a total misconception! Not all Canadians end sentences with the word "eh"! I can't believe you think that!
Student #2: (thinking it over) So are you?
Student #1: Canadian? Yes.

Wabash
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Laughing as I pass

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Imagine That.

Smokin' hot Filipina girlfriend: My friend said that I should use Photoshop and imagination to do this. I have Photoshop, but where can I get imagination? I've never heard of it.
White boyfriend: You're kidding me, right?
Smokin' hot Filipina girlfriend: What?
White boyfriend: There is no software called "imagination." Just use your imagination. Duh!
Smokin' hot Filipina girlfriend: You're so not getting a blowjob tonight.

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: The white boyfriend

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Everyone Feels Like This When They See Tom Cruise

Girl #1: Shit!
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: I forgot to ask him if he's gay!
Girl #2: But you don't even know him!
Girl #1: I know, and now I've lost my chance...I'll wonder for the rest of my life if he was gay or not. And maybe one day, when I'm old and gray, I'll see him, at a bus-stop maybe, and then I'll try to ask him...and he'll be already on the bus, and I'll never know.
Girl #2: You're kind of a freak.

University of Delaware

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Plan to Stop Smoking Just Before That

Professor: Do we know if marijuana has any long-term effects?
Male student: Ball cancer.

Western Michigan University

Overheard by: H

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Grow Weary Of Cheesy Pick-Up Lines

Lady shopper on cell: I was just told by a Mexican guy that I should eat more cheese, so I'll have a bigger ass.

Value Village
Bellingham, Washington

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Yeah, I've Been Making Guacamole All Night Long

Hungover conference attendee: Ugh, it's early.
Appalled conference attendee, scooting chair away: You smell like a dead hooker covered in alcoholic bum piss. And avocado.

Conference Center
Las Vegas, Nevada

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But She Just Wanted to Take My Lunch Order

Male student: I mean, I thought she wanted me to cum on her tummy!

Rutgers University
New Jersey

Overheard by: Alice Haefeli

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

That's Not Right

Girl who always rides skateboard: And so we were playing ping pong, and he took his shirt off!
Friend: Right.
Girl who always rides skateboard: And then he let me hit stuff against him!

Rangi Ruru Girls' School
New Zealand

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

In an Unrelated Question?

Old woman: They don't make that many good movies nowadays.
Young girl: That's not true! Want to order Daddy Day Camp?

Ontario, California

Overheard by: none

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

It Was the Practical Joke Of a Lifetime

Year 8 student #1: So basically, if you stick your fingers up there, take them out and lick them, it tastes like strawberries!
Year 8 student #2: Cooooool!

Perth Modern School
Western Australia
Australia

Overheard by: Hannah

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And Neither Could God

College student: So first my girlfriend and I split, then I got accepted into the frat, and then I found god...I couldn't handle spring break after that weekend.

Georgetown University
Washington, DC

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Isn't This Guy a Character on The Real World?

Ripped gym guy #1: This Jamaican guy showed me an ab exercise yesterday...it will kill you!
Ripped gym guy #2: (stares blankly, no reaction)
Ripped gym guy #1, louder: It will kill you! It will kill! You!!

Gym
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: wow, really?

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Plus It Was a Vibrating Train Seat, Not a Person.

Guy on phone: Nah, nah, it's not cheating! I didn't ejaculate, so it's not cheating!

King's Cross
Australia

Overheard by: highly amused

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Thanks, Gossip Girl!

Woman to friends: Who would have know that shaving my pubes wouldn't get rid of pubic lice?

Chipotle
Towson, Maryland

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

There Are So Few Good Roles for Latina Actresses

Chica #1: Here's your apron.
Chica #2: Oh! I'm going to be such a ho' tonight!

Sugar Land, Texas

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

My Gospel: In the Beginning Was the Command Line

Male high school student, nonchalantly: I got a new phone; this one can take videos and stuff. It's pretty cool.
School bus driver, in hushed, dramatic tone: Technology is god on earth.

School Bus
Southern California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Knew This Antique Taffy-Pull Would Come in Handy One Day

History prof: This is the toughest late policy I've ever developed. And...it makes me feel good inside.

Mal-U
Canadia

Overheard by: Punctual student

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Um, Remember When You Tried That with Tampons?

Blonde girl: Whats with the eye patch?
Girl with eye patch: Oh my god, I tried to take out my contact but it was already out, so I ended up peeling off my cornea or something!
Blonde girl: Ew! You should wear two contacts, so that doesn't happen again.

Carbondale, Illinois

Overheard by: screaming on the inside

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

It Could Be Like Cooked Meat, For Instance

Goober: I wish the whole world was edible!
Pseudo-metalhead: Dude, then everything would be, like, sticky and gross.
Goober: Well, that's assuming everything would be like candy. It wouldn't have to be sticky and gross.
Professor: I'm gonna jump in here before it gets any weirder.

Bard College
New York

Overheard by: why i put up with philosophy

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The High School Musical Outtakes Were Somewhat Shocking

Guy: Why were you guys talking about my penis?
Girl: We weren't.
Guy: Yes you were! I heard you mention it!
Girl: Zach! The world doesn't revolve around you and your penis!

Hagley Park
Christchurch
New Zealand

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And Playing with Myself a Little

Pilot, during severely delayed flight: This is your pilot speaking, no word from air traffic control, but I just wanted to let you know...that I'm thinking of all of you.

Runway
Miami International Airport, Florida

Overheard by: Chelsea

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Like a Sleep Number Sex Toy?

Guy, about his job: Right now, we are working on a line where you can make a customized branded dildo to fit your needs.
Woman who just told everyone she is pregnant: That's fantastic!

City Vino Restaurant
Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: entertained witness

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And Be Sure to Return Your Seat Backs to the Awkward Position

Stewardess: Wave hi to my ex-husband and his new wife as they pass by.

Southwest Airlines Flight
Houston to New Orleans

Overheard by: Passenger A 44

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...Grandma.

Ghetto lady on cell: Where you at? (pause) Yeah, you better be at work and not out fucking around on me. (pause) You know damn well what the fuck I am talking about, motherfucker! (pause) Bitch, I am making tacos so I gotta get some fucking sour cream. (pause) I said I am making fucking tacos. (pause) Alright, I love you too.

Sun Fresh
Kansas City, Missouri

Overheard by: WesAli

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Choking to Death on Carbon Emissions Is a Masculine Rite Of Passage

Guy #1: Are you going to get a Prius?
Guy #2: Nah, I want a car with balls, not an environmentally friendly vagina.

Sunnyvale, California

Overheard by: GameCat

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And Then People Will Comprehendify You.

Husband: Yeah, I think that's because of the...the...
Wife: The what? Spit it out!
Husband: I know, I've been having so much trouble lately coming up with the appropriate word for what I'm trying to say.
Wife: Yeah, that's your problem. You just need to be able to think of what you need to say in advance so you can articulize it.

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: King Dubby

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...or at Least It

Girl, discussing the penis of Jon from Watchmen: I mean, I heard from someone that they actually made it smaller, so guys wouldn't feel embarrassed when they saw it on screen.
TA: Actually, they enhanced it.
Girl: What? Damn it, I wanted to marry him...

Whittier College
Whittier, California

Overheard by: Sam. the blind

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

On the Other Hand, Mocking You Is Both.

College girl #1: It was fun because it was easy.
College girl #2: Emily*, not all easy things are fun...like, I hear you're not that fun.

Borders
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And by That I Mean Exactly What You Think I Mean.

20-something hot girl to friend: I'm afraid of steamed broccoli and robes.

Montreal
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

So I'll Grind Them Up, Snort Them, and Hope for the Best

Girl #1, holding up box of Kellogg's frosted flakes and reading: Oh, shit. Oh, fuck.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: There aren't any directions.

Clark University
Worcester, Massachusetts

Overheard by: jedusor

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Gay Roller Derby Is an Experience Not to Be Missed

Girl: Yeah! It was really crazy, like even their balls started lighting up!

Costa Mesa, California

Overheard by: elaine

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I'm Thinking It's the First Clue in My Quest for the Holy Grail

Male student: So there was a hobo on the train and he sat next to me and he was like, "me no wah". So I was like, "what?" and he just said "me no wah!" so I was really confused and then I realized I had my backpack, so I gave him a pen and a paper and he wrote "m-e n-o w-a-h." So I was really mad and was like, "dude, that was supposed to clear things up," but it didn't.
Female student: Word.

University of Michigan, Ann Arbor

Overheard by: Kelli

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I'll Wear the Inevitable Gonorrhea with Pride

Plain girl: He's in a band and he lives in New York. What else is there to talk about?

Farmers Market
Los Angeles, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...Come Help Me Pick Out a Thong.

Mother to three-year-old son: What are you doing? Come here, stop looking at the bras!
Son: (mumbles something unintelligible)
Mother: Yes, I know they're beautiful...but they're not for you!

Target
Delran, New Jersey

Overheard by: Amused Employee

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

...When They Could Be Doing Porn

Guy: I saw some midgets wrestling last night. I felt really bad. Why would they do that?

Point Park University
Pittsburgh, PA

Overheard by: ZB

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

This Is Your Brain on Subway Conducting...

Subway conductor, as train lights go out: Ladies and gentlemen, we are currently experiencing a delay because some yahoo cut the power lines walking at track level at St. George station. (ominously) Do you know where your children are?

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Jtf

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Categories: Canadia |