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March 2009 Archives
I Need That Trunk Space on the Way Back
Middle schoolboy to wimpy friend: I always dump my girlfriends before I come to the mall.
Pleasant Hill, California
Overheard by: sam
Categories: California | Default | Guys | Relationships | Sexuality | Shopping | Students | Posted 2009-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Had Means, Motive and Opportunity?
Foreign dressing room attendant, opening all stall doors: It stinks in here! Who pooped? Someone pooped in here, and I'm gonna find it. Where is the poop? Who did it?
Ross
Melbourne, Florida
Categories: Default | Employees | Florida | Foreigners | Offers and requests | Poop | Questions | Posted 2009-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Republicans Lost Their Focus After the 2008 Election
Sorority girl: Well, did you get spanked by the entire party? No! That was me! (does a victory dance)
San Diego State University
San Diego, California
Overheard by: oh, really?
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Happiness | Questions | Posted 2009-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We'd Hate to Hear Him in Bed
Pilot over intercom after rough landing: Whooaa, Nessie! (makes galloping sound) Easy, girl! (makes baaing sound) Whoops, wrong animal.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: kayla
Categories: Airports & flights | Animals | Default | Pilots | Public Transportation | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pepperidge Farm's Goyfish Snack Socks Kinda Missed the Boat
Obnoxious teenage boy: No, that guy's really weird. I mean, did you hear what he did last year?
Friends: No.
Obnoxious teenage boy: He took a slice of cheese and two pieces of ham. Then he got a pair of socks and he put them in an aquarium...
Eugene, Oregon
So I Told My Boyfriend He'd Done It and Kicked Him Out
Girl #1: I was sooo drunk. I woke up and there was shit all over the rug.
Girl #2: That's not good.
Girl #1: Yeah, I'm like disgusted with myself.
University of Delaware
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Delaware | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Poop | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Back in My Day, It Wasn't a Race Without at Least a Little Mooing
Man to daughter entering race: So, do you have to quack while you run, or...how does that work?
4th of July Parade
Brighton, Michigan
Overheard by: Tonya
And No Pants!
Little boy: I wanna be a duck.
Mother: You wanna be a duck?
Little boy: Yeah, so I can walk around with my eyes closed.
Australia
You're Really Cute, Wendy, but You're a Fucking Sociopath
Girl #1: So last week, I went to find my cat...and I found her dead on the side of the porch.
Girl #2: (unphased)
Girl #1: And then, I went into the backyard to feed my dog...and I found him dead on the side of the house!
Girl #2: (starts laughing uncontrollably)
Escondido
San Diego, Calfornia
Overheard by: see-are-uh
Categories: Animals | California | Death & dying | Default | Girls | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Suppose the Holes in the Balls Are Also Off Limits?
Vice principal: Listen up, everyone! The rules of the school also apply at the bowling alley. If you smoke, drink, or do drugs, we will call the cops. If you break anything, you will have to pay. If you hump the ball machine for the sake of irony, you will be sent home. That means you, Aaron*!
Aaron*: Aw, man!
High School
Englewood, Colorado
I Mean, I've Got Room
College girl, yelling at friend: I mean, I hooked up with everyone in Sigma Nu before I was dating him! Why wouldn't I keep hooking up with everyone in Sigma Nu now?
Starbucks
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Girls | Questions | Relationships | Restaurants | Students | Posted 2009-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Owe Me for Helping You Realize You're Gay
Young teenage boy: You owe me.
Young teenage girl: I owe you for what?
Young teenage boy: For sleeping with you for four years!
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Abby C.
So You're Much Rounder
20-something girl to another: You remind me a lot of my old boss. But she was older than you and she got hit by a dump truck.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Karen
Categories: Age and ageing | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Pennsylvania | Posted 2009-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only Lightly Misting on Shirtless, Muscley Ones
British lit professor, on gays: I have honestly never seen it rain on a gay person. Never. Not once in my life.
Georgia State Lit Class
You'll Pick Up My Tab, Right?
Cute girl to suit: What are you drinking?
Suit: Absolut on the rocks.
Cute girl: I prefer Belvedere.
Suit: Are you trying to get a free drink?
Cute girl to bartender: May I please have a Chopin Martini, up with olives? (points to suit, then turns back to him) Go fuck yourself. (walks away)
Hotel Bar
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: arrc
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Guys | Massachusetts | Names | Offers and requests | Questions | Suits | Posted 2009-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think It Was the Makeup Sex
Grad student: How did you crack your rib? That's awful.
Administrative assistant: My husband.
University of Delaware
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: Lisa
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Delaware | Employees | Questions | Relationships | Students | Posted 2009-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Wrong Way to Spice Up Your Marriage
Guy: So Stacy comes in and finds me screaming in the shower.
Friend: Wow!
Guy: Yeah, there are some places you should just never touch after cutting Habanero peppers.
Men's Room
Garrison, New York
Overheard by: mark
His Parents Say That About Any Place That's Not Alabama
3rd grade girl, about essay: I am writing about taking a vacation to heaven!
Teacher: Okay, but why don't you pick a place you can actually go on vacation? You can't really just visit heaven.
3rd grade boy: Yes you can! I went to heaven once to visit my aunt!
Auburn, Alabama
Beautiful Pool, Though.
Sorority girl: Oh, I forgot: while we were there we met this homeless guy! And then he showed us his house...which I guess was kind of weird.
Mt. Pinnacle
Little Rock, Arkansas
Overheard by: Climber
Categories: Arkansas | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Memory lane | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Lake's Still Frozen
Chick: The peeing politician doesn't float my boat.
Michigan
Overheard by: Meister E
As a Fax Machine, on the Other Hand...
30-something to friend: After that, it was no use to him. Well...not as a leg, anyway.
Bus
England
Overheard by: Jeff Alderman
Categories: Body parts | Bus | Compare and contrast | Default | England | Friends | Girls | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm a Bit Worried About Our "White Power" T-Shirts
Girl #1, looking at group of guys hanging out on the corner: They look like skinheads!
Girl #2: They're black.
Claremont, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Race | Words | Posted 2009-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Her Basement
Woman #1: He's 41 and a millionaire, what's wrong with him?
Woman #2: He lives with his mother.
Geelong
Australia
Overheard by: laughing
Categories: Age and ageing | Australia | Default | Family ties | Money | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kids Raised on Sesame Street Often Have That Reaction
(bible thumper holding cross is passing out pamphlets on the street)
Hipster guy, yelling: Yeah! Lower case 't'!
Royal Oak, Michigan
Overheard by: Sara
It May Be Time to Take the Wii Out Of the Office
Male bar patron #1: Matt's just too much, man.
Male bar patron #2: I can't take that much manhood.
(awkward pause)
Male bar patron #3: I'm sore.
The Sevens
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Bar Patron
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Feelings | Guys | Massachusetts | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...After Tuna Wrestling in Them.
Woman #1: I have to return some things to Victoria's Secret.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: I don't like the way they smell.
Sandusky, Ohio
Overheard by: NOT a VS smeller
I Gotta Get Home for Shabbas
Hobo, picking through recycling for cans and bottles: Thank god it's Friday!
Central Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | God | Happiness | Hobos | Massachusetts | Posted 2009-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Kid Used to Yell "Boink Me, Daddy!"
Four-year-old boy: Daddy! I wanna get hammered!
(mom pulls out a toy rubber hammer, sighing)
Dad, to everyone around: Shhhhh, nobody heard that! If you did, little forgetfulness fairies will fly into your mind!
Airport
Phoenix, Arizona
Categories: Airports & flights | Arizona | Dads | Default | Family ties | Guys | Kids | Lies | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then I'd Punch Her in the Face
Guy to friend: If I walked in on you making out with my little sister I would punch you in the face! But then I would be like, "Eh...she could do worse."
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Guys | Massachusetts | Relationships | Threats | Posted 2009-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bears Are Pretty Much Recession-Proof
Random guy in bandanna to random guy with afro: So, would you rather go ahead and get your Bachelor's...or become a bear?
Student Center
Georgia Tech
Overheard by: Mollie
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Georgia | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2009-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yahoo Fetish Groups: "Ahem-- "Nobody"?"
Passenger #1: I broke up with my woman because she spends all her money on crack...she crazy.
Passenger #2: Ah, that's no good.
Passenger #1: I know...and pretty soon she gonna run out of money.
Passenger #2: Really?
Passenger #1: Yeah, I told her too many times ain't nobody gonna want a senior citizen as a prostitute.
Passenger #2: Damn.
Greyhound Bus
Montana
Categories: Bus | Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Guys | Money | Montana | Relationships | Posted 2009-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Of Aesop's Morals Are More Helpful Than Others
Fat girl to thin girl pushing pram: Skinny men have skinny cocks.
England
Overheard by: Betsy
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | England | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Vagina | Posted 2009-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ken Earns His Master's in Evacuation
Guy, weighing himself: 176. Hmm, hold on a minute, I gotta go shit.
Guy at desk: Alright.
(5 minutes later)
Guy, weighing himself: 170. Goddamn.
Centre College
Danville, Kentucky
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Kentucky | Poop | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Lear Has Something for Everyone
Strange curly-haired girl: Make sure you make Edmund really hot.
Morose pale dark-haired girl: Why?
Strange curly-haired girl: Dude! Did you not read King Lear? Bitches were all over his dick!
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Anneliese
Probably Mr. Marcus Doesn't, Either
Girl, pulling up in her SUV: Hey, Marcus.
Guy #1: Hey.
Girl: How ya doin'?
Guy #1: Good, good.
(girl drives away)
Guy #2: Why'd she call you Marcus?
Guy #1: I don't know that bitch.
Newark, Delaware
Richard Nixon. Any Other Questions?
Professor: This assignment is worth 20 points, but doing it can only earn you up to 18. The only way to get the last two points is to dress up.
Exasperated student: As what?!
Eastern Michigan University
What Else Is There to Do in Des Moines When It's Dark?
Girl #1: So Gabby's RA was telling her that someone shat on the carpet in the hallway the other night.
Girl #2: Wait, were they drunk or something?
Girl #1: I would think so. It was nighttime.
Drake University
Des Moines, Iowa
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Iowa | Poop | Questions | Posted 2009-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Sure I Could Learn to Vacuum in Pearls
20-something girl, to friend: So I was reading in my magazine the other day that only 60% of American women work outside the home. I mean, that is really sad. Why can't I be part of the other 40%?
Appleton, Wisconsin
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Gender issues | Girls | Questions | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2009-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Just Say His Istanbul Couldn't Constantinople
Woman: I've only been to Turkey once, to visit my boyfriend.
Turkish woman: That's far. He must be very good in bed.
Woman: We're not together anymore. I'll leave it at that.
Eastern Market
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Intern
Categories: Default | Foreigners | Geography | Relationships | Sex | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2009-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As His Sancho Panza
Girl: You should meet his dad! He's like Don Quixote in a Kafka story.
Guy: Who's father they were talking about...you know...but with a tv.
Sabiá bar, Vila Madalena
Sao Paulo, Brazil
Categories: Advice | Bars & Clubs | Books | Brazil | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | Guys | Technology | Posted 2009-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That What You Call Your Vagina?
Cashier to woman buying lots of sex toys and lingerie two days after Valentine's Day: Sweetie, you're a little late for Valentine's Day.
Woman: No matter. It's always a good time to freshen up the prop closet.
Touch of Romance
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: awesome
I Just Wanted Permanent Safe Sex.
Flamboyant guy to another: There are just some things you can't laminate.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Kate
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Pennsylvania | Queers | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jeff Goldblum Was Never the Most Popular Student
Frat guy to group of freshmen girls: I swear, you're like the ninth person who's said I look creepy tonight.
University of Puget Sound
Tacoma, Washington
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Frat boy types | Guys | Washington | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Will Now Lift a Piano Without Using My Hands
60-something female professor: Boys, you don't have this problem, but girls: always do your Kegels, especially after you have a baby.
Willamette University
Salem, Oregon
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Oregon | Teachers | Women | Posted 2009-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now We Both Feel Sick, Sir
American Government professor: And our second candidate for class president was born to a military family in 1990, which almost makes me sick to my stomach when I think about what I was doing in 1990. See, you could be my baby!
Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | History | Politics | Stomach | Teachers | Posted 2009-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
While You Live in My House, You'll Share My Ignorance
Whining toddler: Mommy, I want that book!
Yelling mother: You can't read!
Dalton Booksellers
Jefferson Valley, New York
Categories: Books | Default | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Moms | New York | Offers and requests | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Time My Penis Had a Break
Very drunk girl: I'm going to go pee with my vagina.
Venice, Florida
...Is the Moral Of Every Law and Order Episode
Chick: We just have to accept that people are crazy-ass bitches.
Friend: Apparently.
Aurora, Colorado
Overheard by: Leevee
As Seen in Douching Miss Daisy
Greenpeace activist to couple walking out of grocery store: Are you guys concerned about our environment?
Elderly couple: Definitely! We recycle, and we take showers together!
Mothers Market
Costa Mesa, California
Overheard by: arie
Categories: Bathing | California | Couples | Default | Old folks | People | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Posted 2009-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are They Telling You the Future?
Male professor: Can you see my nipples through this shirt?
Female professor: Yes!
Male professor: That is neat.
Oaxaca
Mexico
Overheard by: entiendo
Google: Search and Ye Shall Find
Dude: I don't even know where to find porn!
Random guy walking past: Yeah, you do.
Washtenaw Community College
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Michigan | Porn | Technology | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Is a Dorm Room Like a Crime Scene, Alex?
Drunk girl: Oh! So you're not going to go home with your girlfriend when she is asking you and her roommate isn't even home! Oh! Oh! (boyfriend whispers something to her) I don't care if I'm on my period or not!
University of Dayton
Dayton, Ohio
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drunks | Gender issues | Girls | Ohio | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eh, That's What You Said About Reading
Very excited sex ed teacher on first day of class: I know you guys hear a lot of scary, nasty things about sex on tv, but I'm going to tell you something: sex is fun!
Middle School
Louisiana
Overheard by: Amused Guest
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Louisiana | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2009-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Explorers Are Born, Not Made
Child: Mommy, mommy, my hand smells like butt!
Mother: Why does your hand smell like butt, honey?
Child: I put my hand in my butt.
Department Store
Davis, California
Overheard by: Arlene
Categories: Ass | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Kids | Kids | Moms | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2009-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Judging from My Hidden Camera Footage
Butch lesbian: So...how do blind people wipe their ass?
Fem lesbian: The same way everyone else does. Oh...oh my god, that's gross, Wendy. Most people don't look at it.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Ass | Default | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Lesbos | Questions | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't That a Phone?
Dude: Man, that guy is your exact twin! He's like your doppleberry or something!
Inaugural Concert
Washington, DC
Overheard by: DingleGanger
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Guys | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2009-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And, in an Unrelated Coincidence, No One's Asked Me.
Chick: Lately I've been hypersensitive to other people's energies. Anyway, that's why I haven't been out much lately.
Mate Factor
Manitou, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well That and Anal Annie the Blow-Up Goddess
20-something geek to friends: I'm telling you guys, The Big Bang Theory is for us what Sex and the City was for lonely, depressed women.
Comic Book Shop
Metairie, Louisiana
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Guys | Louisiana | Sex | Sexuality | Stores | TV shows | Posted 2009-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...After Taking Me to the Movies.
Hot girl to random girl: Have you read or seen He's Not That Into You?
Random girl, to uninterested guy: No.
Hot girl: Well, I highly recommend you read it!
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: he really wasn't
Wouldn't the Dragon Own You?
Girl on bus: I've always wanted to ride a motorcycle.
Guy on bus: Yeah, I don't have one but I'm pretty good at driving them.
Girl: Oh, I don't want to own one, just ride one.
Guy: Yeah, that's how I feel about dragons.
Auburn, Alabama
The PTA Thought It Would Be a Better Fundraiser Than a Bake Sale
Indian tourist outside strip club: So you pay money, and a lady dances for you.
Mum: Well, that sounds delightful.
Whitechapel
London
England
Overheard by: Chinese cockney
Doesn't Roto-Rooter Make Those?
Girl to friends: I'm normal when I'm single, but it's like my vagina is a dick-powered crazy machine!
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Herdy
Categories: Arizona | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Penis | Relationships | Vagina | Posted 2009-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sadly, Not Even the Scots Understand Their Accent
Girl #1, playing boardgame: You steer a boat with this.
Girl #2: An udder?
Edinburgh
Scotland
Overheard by: Ben seven
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Language barrier | Scotland | Words | Posted 2009-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Not Allowed to Desire Anything
Dude on streetcar: Anybody on the bus got a newspaper?
Friend: Dude, this is a streetcar.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Glad this town has transit options
Just Show Me Two Forms Of ID and a Picture Of Your Coronary Arteries
Dramatic teenage girl: Um, we would like an Awesome Blossom, extra awesome.
Unhappy waitress: We don't serve that anymore.
Dramatic teenage girl: Yes, you do. Don't lie to me, lady.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
They're a Bit Behind the Curve
Girl shouting across room to guy at soda fountain: Hey Doug*! Hey, Doug! Come over there, they want to hear your song about buttsex!
Montevallo, Alabama
That Wacky Gerbil!
Girl #1: I think he underestimates his strength sometimes.
Girl #2: Yeah, I agree. Like, he slammed my head into the coffee table last night.
Williamstown
Victoria
Australia
Overheard by: Kate
Categories: Australia | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Posted 2009-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aren't You Glad We Can Talk Like This?
Girl #1: So, during history I was blowing bubbles with my gum and...
Girl #2: Who's bubbles?
Girl #1 (continuing, uninterrupted): I got it all over my glasses just as my history teacher looks at me! He just stood up there laughing for a good five minutes, and no one knew what he was laughing at because I managed to get it back in my mouth before anyone could see.
Girl #2: Wait, what?
Eugene, Oregon
Overheard by: nyssa
Possibly the Apocalypse?
Loud woman to friend: So I said to her, "I gotta go. Linda's avocado is ripe and you know what that means."
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Taffy Doublewide
...Which You All Got Wrong on the Midterm
Professor: What would you guys do if I told you that a giant fish was going to eat you on your way home?
Girl: Hide?
Professor: No! You'd all go out and have sex! I mean besides sleeping, eating, and having sex, what else do you need to do? You're just taking this class so later in life you can sleep in a better place, eat better food, and have sex with someone hotter!
University of Michigan
Ann Arbor, Michgan
Overheard by: Kelli
Anyway, Aliens Share a Hive Consciousness and Can't Die
Sophomore #1, during heated debate about zombie safety: Wait! What if there were alien zombies?
Sophomore #2: Shut up! We're talking about realistic stuff, here!
Theatre Class, Rossview High
Clarksville, Tennessee
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Offers and requests | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Tennessee | Zombies | Posted 2009-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
History's an Unbroken Chain Of Pushing, Wrestling and Girl-Chasing
Four-year-old girl, showing off scrape on arm: I got that on the playground today when Joey pushed me and I fell!
Mom: Joey should keep his hands to himself. Does your teacher tell him that?
Four-year-old girl, like mom is stupid: Moooooom, he's a boy and that's what boys do! They like to push and wrestle and chase girls!
Mom: Um, that may be true, but it still doesn't make it right.
In Line at Starbucks
Bethesda, Maryland
Categories: Default | Gender issues | Girls | Hands | Kids | Kids | Maryland | Moms | Restaurants | Posted 2009-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Just Gherkin You Off
Preppy girl: It's like eating pickle juice.
Guy: Like pickle juice?
Friend: How fucking stupid are you?
Rockford, Illinois
But How Do You Feel About It?
Gossip girl #1: Oh my god! Did I tell you that I got accepted for my exchange to Paris next year? I'm going second semester.
Gossip girl #2: Oh my god! That's amazing!
Gossip girl #1: Yeah, I'm really excited.
Gossip girl #2: That's so exciting!
Gossip girl #1: Yeah, it's gonna be amazing.
Gossip girl #2: That is so amazing.
Gossip girl #1: Yeah, I'm super excited!
Gossip girl #2: That is just so exciting!
VIA Train
Montreal to Toronto
Overheard by: The zoe
As I Told Her During My Proposal
Guy describing girlfriend to friends: The best thing about her is that there's nothing extraordinary about her at all. (pauses) Yep, the thing I like the most about her is there's absolutely nothing special about her.
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: whibs
Is That by Herbal Essences?
Bottle blonde: Oh my god, you have to tell me where you got your color done!
Natural blonde gentleman: Bitch, this comes from Adonis genes gifted from on high.
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Dr. Iniego Strangelove
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Euphemisms | Florida | Girls | Guys | Insults | Offers and requests | Science | Posted 2009-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Nightmares Section
Man to salesperson in hippie bookstore: Hi I'm looking for a children's book about how chemicals and global warming are destroying the earth.
Salesperson: Oh, sure, it's right over here!
The Bookshelf
Guelph, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: The zoe
Let Me Just Open Up My Briefcase
Professor to clapping students: You know what makes that funnier? I just took a shit.
Binghamton University
Binghamton, New York
Overheard by: ThirstyEar2
Thanks to My Son, the Doctor
Large gentile man: I'm becoming a Jewish woman!
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Pennsylvania | Religion | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Agree, Ms. Montag.
Girl: I wish I had a lovable face. My face is deceitful.
Bakersfield, California
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Body parts | California | Default | Feelings | Girls | Wishes | Posted 2009-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Getting Fucked Also Temporarily Disconnects One's Gaydar
Hippie teenage girl: He's such a screaming campy queer, I thought he was gay--but he's not! At least, he doesn't seem gay when he's fucking you. He does all the rest of the time, though.
Hither Green
London
England
Overheard by: Jess
And Not Knowing When Is the Most Fun Of All
Completely calm girl: We're all gonna die.
Happy girl, laughing: It's true!
Eugene, Oregon
Categories: Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Girls | Happiness | Oregon | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nobody Really Understood The Happening
Teen boy in car to dog walker (at top of his lungs, worried): Hey, girl! Watch out! The dogs are poisonous!
Midlothian, Texas
In the Meantime, Would You Like to Take My Card?
Wildly bearded hobo riding rusty bicycle and wearing only one shoe and parachute pants: Why, hello miss. Would you be interested in entering into a mutually beneficial body massage arrangement?
Surprised, redheaded woman: Uhhhhh, not today, thank you.
Hobo: I'll try back later.
Queen West
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Default | Hobos | Offers and requests | Questions | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Before Then, It Was Only Divided Into People Who Make Erroneous Blanket Statements and People Who Do Not
Film studies professor: Until the 1970s, no one realized that the world was divided into men and women.
Birmingham University
England
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | England | Gender issues | History | Memory lane | Teachers | Posted 2009-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Gay Guys Have No Idea How to Woo Each Other
Upset gay boy: This is awful. I just wanted you to see the giant vagina made of sand.
Virginia Tech
And You'd Think Jews Would Get Tired Of Being Portrayed As Victims
Guy, exiting movie theater after Defiance: The problem with movies is they always make the Nazis look bad.
Alameda, California
Overheard by: lith
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | History | Movies | Names | Posted 2009-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then I Watched the Wheels in His Mind Go Round and Round
Woman to friend: He told me last night he had a baby girl named Traley. I asked him if that was short for trailer park.
Nashville, Tennessee
Yes and Yes!
Female employee, seeing lunch being prepared: Oh, Kielbasa! I love Kielbasa! You know how I like my Kielbasa?
(pause)
Fireman #1: On your knees?
Fireman #2: In your mouth?
Maine
Who'd Leave Anybody for Mom?
Blonde #1: So wait, your dad was still married when he asked your mom out?
Blonde #2: Yeah, and I mean I hadn't thought about it until my sister pointed it out, but I guess my mom was a homewrecker. So I asked her about it and she was like "oh, yeah...I remember the divorce papers going through."
Blonde #1: That is so weird!
Blonde #2: Yeah, no kidding.
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Not the Daughter of a Homewrecker
Categories: Canadia | Default | Family ties | Girls | Questions | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How to Come Out As Trans in One Easy Step
Teenage girl to another: You know what I really hate? When your balls sweat.
Glenfield College
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Kelly
Categories: Balls | Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Girls | New Zealand | Questions | Teens | Posted 2009-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As I Told Grandma at Grandpa's Funeral
Girl: I hate being single.
Friend: You're not single, you're just alone.
Eastern Arizona College
Overheard by: Lura
Categories: Arizona | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Relationships | Words | Posted 2009-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Free Clinic Waiting Rooms, for Instance.
Loud woman on cell: If you're looking for a place to make friends and be sociable, you can do a lot better than AA.
Supermarket
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: the cashier
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Names | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Women | Posted 2009-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Opposed to Doing the Voodoo That You Do So Well
Girl: She really hated you for awhile, though. She even made a voodoo doll of you.
Guy: Are you fucking serious?!
Girl: Well, she Velcroed a bunch of angry words to a cabbage patch doll and then cried because she was afraid the doll thought she was angry at it specifically.
Guy: She always maintained an impressive level of incompetence.
Boston, Massachusetts
Isn't That Like Telling a Starving Person "I Am Stuffed"?
Hot girl to less than hot guy: It gets annoying having guys hitting on you all the time.
Seattle, Washington
Though Technically It Was Me in the Bathroom Mirror
Bro: Yeah, I remember the first time I saw someone projectile-vomit.
Northeastern University
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Memory lane | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Rug Really Ties the Room Together
Girl student: So, the Federal Government is like, a puppy, like (giggle) they're so cute... And like, you want to just cuddle them, then they're naughty and it's bad.
Teacher: Kelly, could you please explain a bit more? I'm not getting your reasoning here.
Girl student: Well...they do good things, and it's cute, then they like pee on your rug, and it's bad.
Teacher: I promise you, the next time a member of the Federal Government pees on my rug, I will go bonkers.
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: Tizri
Too Bad He's a Gateway Drug on the Road to Rush Limbaugh
Student: I agree with everything Bill O'Reilly says.
University of Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Names | Pop culture | Students | Posted 2009-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dakota Fanning, Parker Posey and Carlos Mencia Failed to Light Up the Small Screen
Young daughter to white mother: You fell in love with a Mexican?
White mom: Yes, I did.
Mexican dad: Unfortunately.
El Fenix
Texas
In Fact, They Probably Prefer It.
Chick in hoodie: I think they prefer to be called "little people."
Preppy guy: When you're hiring them for a sex act I'm pretty sure it's okay to call them midgets.
Landmark Diner
Port Washington, New York
Overheard by: Hunter (aka
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Names | New York | Restaurants | Sex | Students | Posted 2009-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Probably Not the Best Topic to Assign a Special-Needs Kid
Nervous fourth grader giving oral report: Joan of Arc, the pheasant, was caught in a blender.
Elementary School
Duluth, Minnesota
Overheard by: Nic
We're Imagining Jackie Warner from Work Out
Woman walking out of men's barber shop to friend: I can't believe they wouldn't cut my hair. I'm a lesbian! That makes me a man.
Brisbane
Australia
Canadian or Retarded? The Controversy Continues.
Girl #1: So how is your new class going?
Girl #2: I don't know yet. We just found out there's a presentation that's worth 20%.
Girl #1: That sucks.
Girl #2: Yeah, and like, it's not easy either, like we have to think!
Ryerson University
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Lookforthewoman
Like All Parents, We Were Hoping for a Little Lesbian
Seven-year-old-daughter: I'm sorry, daddy, but I love crafts!
Father: I know...can't you find another hobby?
Seven-year-old-daughter: No, daddy, it's going to be just like at camp!
Father: Yeah, your mother and I should have switched you at the hospital.
Michael's
Hamilton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Diana
Categories: Dads | Default | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Kids | Kids | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2009-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But If I Did, I'd Advise You to Go with the Heart-Shaped Nipple Clamps
Dad to son, passing Valentine's Day t-shirt display: These are kind of nice for your mom, no?
Son: It's for mom, what do I care?
City Center Mall
White Plains, New York
Overheard by: Nathan
Like a Mating Ball Of Snakes
Girl #1, looking through clothes racks: We should spoon.
Girl #2: But then other people might wanna join in.
Girl #1: So?
Girl #2: It could get messy.
Girl #1: Oh, true.
New Zealand
Overheard by: Bianca
Well Did I Say You Looked Good in It?
Aspenite to friend trying on jacket: I like white on you.
Friend: This is ivory.
Aspen, Colorado
Overheard by: GGary
Guys' Moments Like That Generally Involve Porn
Curly-haired brunette: Do you ever have moments when you see someone on the street and think, "hmmm, that looks like someone I've seen in Facebook pictures!"?
Straight-haired brunette: Yeah. I also have moments when I see someone on the street and think, "haven't I slept with you?"
Curly-haired brunette: Heh. That's a classic.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Poogins
Whatever Queen Elizabeth Said Went
Teacher: Next, we're reading Much Ado about Nothing.
(class groans)
Teacher: Back then, "nothing" was slang for "vagina."
Class: Ooooh.
Enloe High
Raleigh, North Carolina
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | Default | North Carolina | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Vagina | Posted 2009-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And We Hope Our Passengers in First Class Enjoy the Foxy Boxing
Flight attendant: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard flight 1751 to Raleigh-Durham. My name is John and I am your head flight attendant today. I will be assisted by my lovely fiancee Sarah and my ex-wife Jill. It may be a little awkward but we hope you have a pleasant flight.
Runway
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Default | Flight attendants | Georgia | Guys | Names | Plane | Public Transportation | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Lip Rings Are Less Work Than Babies
Customer to cashier with lip rings: Okay, two questions. One, did that hurt?
Cashier: Um, not as much as I thought it would.
Customer: Second question, why did you do that?!
Cashier, speechless: Uhm...honestly...
Friend of customer: Ah, hell man, because she likes it. Shit!
Music Store
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: I've got metal in my face too...
Since My First Name Is "Whatta"
Blonde chick to guy friend: Oh my god, so last night the bouncer made me pull out like three pieces of ID because he didn't believe my last name is "Pansy."
Guelph
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: sarah
Like, Is It Still in the Shrink Wrap? Lightly Used? Ruined?
Poetry girl: I've been so depressed all weekend.
Poetry guy: Well, why have you been so depressed?
Poetry girl: I wrote this poem about divorce, so I was thinking about divorce all weekend, and it just made me so depressed.
(long pause)
Poetry girl, loudly: Can you tell me about the human condition? I mean, can you really tell me about the human condition?
George Mason University
Fairfax County, Virginia
Overheard by: The Bu
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Questions | Relationships | Virginia | Posted 2009-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Terrorist!
Girl #1, walking out of exam: I'm free! I'm finally free!
Girl #2: I hate your freedom. I want to punch your freedom in the face!
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Body parts | Default | Feelings | Girls | Happiness | New Zealand | Posted 2009-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
By Show Of Hands, Who'd Give Him the Money Without Hesitation?
Flamboyant black man to woman waiting at crosswalk: Oh, thank god for a sister! I need some money for the bus and I just know you'll help me out, little white barbie sister!
Saint Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Margie
Categories: Black people | Default | Family ties | Guys | Missouri | Money | Public Transportation | Queers | Posted 2009-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Old-Fashioned That Way
Male hipster to another: So, I was jerking off into this vagina...
Gastown
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: DagnyTaggart
Categories: Canadia | Default | Guys | Hipsters | Masturbation | Memory lane | Vagina | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Psh, You're Lucky If the Guy Stops Masturbating Long Enough to Have Sex
Girl #1: You're more likely to have a boy if the guy hasn't masturbated in awhile.
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #1: Yeah, my professor said so!
Sather Gate
UC Berkeley, California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Girls | Masturbation | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2009-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Knowledge Is Murder, Patty
Girl to friend: You know a little too much. Just like your abortion thing the other day!
Friend: What?
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Girls | Questions | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Pretty Sure the National Film Board Knows
Student: It's not physical, but it's ineffable.
Professor: What does it mean? To eff something?
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
And They Were Like, "Now We Can All Poke Without Passing Around Chlamydia!"
Girl: My friends are always saying I need to make a Facebook page and I'm like, "Why? I talk to you a-holes enough already!"
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: sleeping on the job
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Internet | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2009-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Says the Girl Who Can Shop for 8 Hours Straight in 5-Inch Heels?
Girl trying out for soccer: I don't know what he's thinking making us do all these push-ups. I'm a girl. I am not strong.
UC Santa Barbara
Santa Barbara, California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Gender issues | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Posted 2009-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hope You Bitches Saved Me Some Weed
Mom: Why is the tv on with the mute on?
Daughter #1: Cause of the pretty moving pictures!
Daughter #2: Yeah! It's like an aquarium, but with Tom Hanks.
Upper Hutt
New Zealand
Overheard by: Kat
Categories: About celebrities | Beauty | Default | Girls | Moms | New Zealand | Questions | Technology | Women | Posted 2009-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All I Could Say to Her Was, "Congratulations."
Girl #1: So what do you think of her boyfriend?
Girl #2: I can see his underwear through his pants.
Tapas Teatro
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Underwear Moderator
Professor Monica Lewinsky Knows Whereof She Speaks
Professor: So, when you walk out of here in four years with a BJ under your belt, you'll be more experienced and know the basics.
Journalism Class
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Just Don't Expect It to Say Your Name
English professor: Make that language your bitch.
Ursinus College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Insults | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Words | Posted 2009-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Meet the Offspring Of Immanuel Kant and Kathy Griffin
Random girl in hallway: If you have a stuffy nose and are in an elevator with someone who just farted, but you don't know they did, does it still smell bad?
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Jen
Categories: Burping & farting | Default | Florida | Girls | Philosophy | Questions | Posted 2009-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Thus Saith the Lord
Guy: If you bang a girl unprotectedly, you have to keep banging her protectedly to make sure she doesn't start showing.
Allston, Massachusetts
Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Massachusetts | Sex | Posted 2009-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Time She Tips Forward, I'm Right There to Catch Her
College boy #1: Well dude, is she hot?
College boy #2: She's like my best friend, dude, but you'll probably think she's hot. I mean she's got huge tits, but she's my best friend.
Winona State University
Winona, Minnesota
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Minnesota | Questions | Students | Posted 2009-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In High School I Got So Depressed, I Dated Girls
Queer #1: You have so many ringtones!
Queer #2: Yeah, when I get depressed I buy ringtones. It's my thing!
Queer #1: When I get depressed I but chocolate and underwear.
Queer #2: Holla!
(they high five)
West Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Big Al
Categories: California | Candy | Cell phones | Clothes | Default | Feelings | Guys | Queers | Posted 2009-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks, Make-a-Wish Foundation!
Drunk girl in bar during Rose Bowl: It's official--I'm going to be ovulating on my wedding day.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Double V
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Drunks | Gender issues | Girls | Illinois | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2009-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Female Version Of "She Was Asking for It"
Woman on iPhone: Well, he was doing squats, so I didn't think it was inappropriate to stare at his ass.
Trader Joe's
Campbell, California
Categories: Ass | California | Default | Health & Hygiene | Stores | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Actually...
Psychology instructor: If you look at the castle in The Little Mermaid, you'll see there are some phallic subliminal messages...
Student in the back row: It's a giant penis castle!
Psychology Class, Northwestern University
Illinois
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Illinois | Movies | Penis | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wow, This Horoscope Is Dead On!
Girl to friend: You know, you should just stop face-fucking everyone all the time. Then you'd be fine.
Christchurch
New Zealand
Categories: Advice | BJs | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | New Zealand | Posted 2009-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And It Wasn't Easy Being Green
Trophy wife, very sincerely: I think that in a past life...I was Ralph Nader.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: lauren mcgoldrick
From Nancy Drew and the Mystery Of the Bumpy Undies
Girl #1: Hey! I still have your bra from the other night. (takes bra out of her bag and hands it over)
Girl #2: Oh yeah, thanks! Wait, it has bumps in it! It didn't have bumps in it before!
Girl #1: Yeah, I wore it. It was cleaner than mine.
Girl #2: Huh?
Girl #1: Uh...no, of course I didn't wear it!
Girl #2: Well, someone did. With bumpy boobs. It didn't have bumps before.
Queen Street Mall
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: uh-huh
Then Can We Go to New York and See the Statue Of Blueberry?
Five-year-old to father: Yay! We're going to the bridge of pies!
Near "Bridge of Sighs"
Oxford
England
College Applications Get More Personal Every Year
Middle schooler to friend: So, have you ever had anal sex with your mom?
Brighton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Holly
Categories: Backdoor | Default | Family ties | Massachusetts | Questions | Students | Posted 2009-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And With Oysters There's No Guarantee Of Pearls
Loud 20-something girl: Ew! Oysters taste like cum!
Quiet, conservative-looking 20-something girl: No, they don't! (immediately gets embarrassed and receives high fives from others at the table)
The Chimes
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Categories: Compare and contrast | Cum | Default | Food | Girls | Louisiana | Restaurants | Posted 2009-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When All Along I Was Thor, God Of Thunder!
Professor: And you thought I was some geeky wanker, going on about agriculture!
Eastern Michigan University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Michigan | Teachers | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Milk This Country for All It's Worth!
Nigerian man to wife loading small children into overcrowded rental van: Come, we are in America now! We go home and eat cheese!
Rosicrucian Museum
San Jose, California
Categories: California | Default | Food | Foreigners | Geography | Guys | Offers and requests | Tourist attractions | Posted 2009-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With That Cute Little Charlie Chaplin Mustache
Girl #1, about friend's makeup: This is definitely your color. Makes you look really classy.
Girl #2: Thanks!
Girl #1: Which is funny, because you're such a tramp.
Bus
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: plethora
Categories: Australia | Beauty | Bus | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Girls | Posted 2009-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Party Poopers Are Bad Enough When Nobody Can See Where the Poops Are Coming from
Guy: And I was like, "I can't invite you to my party if I can't guarantee you'll keep your pants on!"
University of Louisville
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: The man has a point
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Kentucky | Offers and requests | Posted 2009-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Close to the Burger Should We Bring the Cheese?
Middle aged woman: Can I get a cheeseburger, without the cheese?
Burger King
Dansville, New York
Categories: Default | Food | New York | Offers and requests | Questions | Restaurants | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Otherwise the Natural Process Of Erosion Will Take Care Of It
Guy coming into classroom: Somebody left their bagel in the water fountain.
Girl in classroom, without looking up: It's a donut.
Guy coming into classroom: Somebody left their donut in the water fountain.
Girl in classroom: It's still wrapped, if anyone wants it.
Chestnut Hill College
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Food | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Students | Words | Posted 2009-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like the Holocaust
Pessimistic non-racist : I can't remember what Jamal Lewis did to go to prison for, but when he got out, he was a different running back.
Optimistic racist: I'm sure it was some kind of misunderstanding.
Point Comfort, Texas
Like Sand on the Beach, So Are the Balls Of Our Lives
Gay #1: One guy likes to have his junk stepped on, but no punches in them.
Gay #2: Ow!
Gay #1: I don't like balls in my toes, though.
Gay #2: Just think of it as sand on a beach!
Starbucks
Somerville, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Scott
Categories: Balls | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Gays | Massachusetts | Penis | Restaurants | Posted 2009-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Squeaking While You're Being Felt Up Is an Added Bonus
Guy: So they would smuggle one of these toy dogs in their shirt pocket.
Girl: Why don't they just put them in their bras? It's like "yeah, I got a boob job while I was in China."
Rutgers University
New Jersey
Overheard by: RU serious
Categories: Animals | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Geography | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2009-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Only There Were a Word for That...
Teenage girl: I can't figure out if he's gay or straight. Maybe he's, like, an equal-opportunity kind of guy?
20-something girl: Oh yeah, like, "Bring me your penises! Bring me your vaginas! None shall be turned away!"
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Tonight's Movie: Dude, Where's My Common Sense?
Dude #1: So did you fuck that chick after we left the other night?
Dude #2 (glancing around to make sure no one's listening): Yeah.
Dude #1: Yes! I knew it!
Dude #2: Dude, I didn't even know what was going on until I came outta my blackout, and realized I was balls deep.
Dude #1: Condom?
Dude #2: (shakes head)
Dude #1: Yes!
Toons Bar
Chicago, Illinois
And Check Whether It's Honorable or Dishonorable
Girl to friend wearing a short skirt: Ooooooh girl, if you bend over I could see all your discharge!
Ikea Parking Lot
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: The Rex
The Girls at the Bottom Of the Pyramid Got the Worst Of It
Blonde teen: Please don't pull my finger!
Brunette teen: Oh, gosh. Is this like that time in gym class?
Homecoming Football Game
Minnesota
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Memory lane | Minnesota | Offers and requests | Pop culture | Questions | Teens | Words | Posted 2009-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Feel Like Autistic Kids Are Just Silently Plotting the Revolution?
Counselor: What do you need Legos for?
Nine-year-old boy: To make weaponry!
Center for Autism and Emotional Support
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Compare and contrast | Counselors | Default | Games | Guys | Kids | Kids | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2009-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Passes for Raucous Wit, in Britain
Lady on loudspeaker: The train on platform 3 is going to Edgeware Road. The train on platform 4 is for Embankment Station. District Line services are not running between Embankment and Whitechapel. Platform 3 is for Edgeware Road, platform 4 is for Embankment. If you are still on this platform after these trains leave, you are lost and confused and need to find a member of staff.
Earl's Court Station
London
England
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | England | Geography | Jobs & Careers | Public Transportation | Train | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I've Given Up Country Music
Supermarket cashier: I only use Charmin toilet paper; if a place doesn't have it, I bring my own.
Customer: Wow, you're picky.
Supermarket cashier: I'm picky about my men too; they have to have all of their teeth.
eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Body parts | Customers | Default | Eavesdrop DC | Employees | Health & Hygiene | Names | Posted 2009-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is Your Dad on Facebook?
Ditz to friend: He took me Facebook poking him as a romantic gesture!
TC Central High School
Michigan
Categories: Default | Feelings | Girls | Internet | Michigan | Pop culture | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2009-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Last Time, Tommy, You're Supposed to Do That to Old Ladies
Little boy hitting trash can: I demand this trash can to give me money!
Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium
Tacoma, Washington
Categories: Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Money | Offers and requests | Tourist attractions | Washington | Posted 2009-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Got Banned from Playgroup?
Guy to friend: So she broke her vibrator for the third time?
Mystic Lake Casino
Minneapolis, Minnesota
But I Do Need to Pass His Class...
Exasperated girl in the middle of the street: I really don't feel like taking my shirt off for this guy!
St. Andrews
Fife
Scotland
Overheard by: Nina
...of Stuff That Never Happened
Bro #1: Dude, now that you're here...
Bro #2: We can start making some fucking memories!
Michigan State University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Friends | Guys | Memory lane | Michigan | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think I've Seen This Movie...
Teen #1: I stuck my ass in her face and she choked on her broccoli.
(dog coughs)
Teen #2: Your ass is making everyone choke!
Harrison, Michigan
Overheard by: Lauren
Which, in Turn, Makes Me Feel Bad About Myself
Girl: Ever since I started making an effort to look good for school, I've felt so good about myself. Now, people are calling me! (pause) For sex.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by: Sherbrooke
Ad: Hi, I'm Billy Mays!
Pompous guy: The karmic wrong done to me that day was absorbed by the jacket!
Fremont
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Mickity Mike
Categories: Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Washington | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Even Though It's Shaped Like St. Peter?
Girlfriend, excited: I know exactly what I'm going to get you for your birthday this year.
Boyfriend: Oh yeah? I know exactly what I am going to get you for your birthday.
Girlfriend: Really? Are you going to get that thing cut off your back?
Cafe
Sydney
Australia
Categories: Age and ageing | Australia | Couples | Default | Girls | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Restaurants | Posted 2009-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As a Special Treat, Some Of the Altar Boys Will Play With Him
Pastor: Next week we have something very exciting! We have an organist coming into Sunday school! He will be demonstrating to us how he uses his organ, so make sure to come because you won't want to miss it!
Church
Alhambra, California
Categories: California | Default | Education | Feelings | Guys | Religious fanatics | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wasn't This a Cheers Episode?
Waitress: Is this the book club? These are your free shots.
Bar
Allston, Massachusetts
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Books | Default | Drinking & drunks | Employees | Girls | Massachusetts | Questions | Posted 2009-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Cartoon Network-History Channel Merger Confused Everybody
Six-year-old boy to brother: You know who'll save you? Abraham Lincoln. Too bad he's dead now. He'll rise from the dead! And raise chickens! His chicken powers can't save you now!
Baltimore, Maryland
Like the Sex-Ed DVD Abortion: Delicious, but Deadly
Female college student eating grapes: Look, it's a baby grape. And this one is like a grape fetus.
Roommate: What? Are there flavored fetuses?
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Larissa
Plus, Concrete Shoes Are the New Black
Drunk woman #1: I shoulda been in the mafia.
Drunk woman #2: Why?
Drunk woman #1: I hate loose ends.
Bar
Louisiana
Overheard by: soprano
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Drunks | Feelings | Louisiana