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January 2009 Archives
Then We Watched Killer Klowns from Outer Space
Her: Clown porn, clown porn, clown porn. You put that in my head.
Him: How did I put that in your head?
Her: You told me about it.
Him: No, I told you about midget porn.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: b! x.
Categories: Body parts | Default | Girls | Guys | Overheard in PDX | Porn | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Blood Feud-- Gotcha
Birthday girl: Not to be mean, but I'm kind of glad Jeff* can't come to my birthday party. Now I can invite Kelly*.
Friend: Why couldn't you before? Not enough seats?
Birthday girl (long pause): No. Because Jeff's brother got her sister pregnant.
Friend: Oh, yeah.
University of Notre Dame
Notre Dame, Indiana
Overheard by: iz
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Indiana | Questions | Posted 2009-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Smell an MTV Reality Show!
Chick to others, holding up picture: What about this guy?
Male vice principal, walking by: I'd hit that.
Englewood, Colorado
Translation: Dad's Not Leaving Us Much
Woman to friends holding books: I finally told him, "I don't care if your father dies tonight--I am not missing book club!"
Coffee Shop
Kenosha, Wisconsin
Overheard by: a coffee gal
Categories: Books | Death & dying | Default | Family ties | Restaurants | Wisconsin | Women | Posted 2009-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What You Said About Gossip Girl
Drunk episcopal priest in wine cellar: Yes! Yes! Science fiction is like religion, only backwards!
Penn Yan, New York
Overheard by: Liz
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | New York | Religion | Religious fanatics | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So of Course I'm Bummed That They'll All Burn in a Lake of Hellfire
Mormon girl: When I grow up, I want to celebrate Chanukah! I mean, I just like Jews. I like Jew food, Jew noses, Jew hair styles... Oh my gosh, I love those curly bangs! I just want to pull one and watch it go "sproinnnnng!"
IHOP
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: I'm Jewish, but surprisingly NOT offended...
Categories: Body parts | Default | Feelings | Food | Girls | Hair | Religion | Restaurants | Utah | Posted 2009-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Suicide Is the Clear Answer
Tween #1 waiting at bus stop: So, I wanna like him, but I don't want to, and I can't like him, 'cause I wanna like him, but I don't!...you know?
Tween #2: Wow, I know exactly what you mean!
London
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Great 'cause I sure don't
Early Elvis or Fat Elvis?
Clerk to another: And I woke up two days later by the pool, with Elvis.
Campmor
Paramus, New Jersey
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Names | New Jersey | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Race Relations in Boston Take Another Hit
Girl #1: So I was driving down the street blaring my rap music and then these people started hollering.
Girl #2: Wait, were they black people or were they normal people?
Northeastern Campus
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: really?
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Massachusetts | Music | Questions | Race | Posted 2009-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nature's Pretty Gay When You Come Right Down to It
Disappointed man to child on shoulders: Cranes aren't that great.
Woodland Park Zoo
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | Kids | Tourist attractions | Washington | Posted 2009-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Concise Recap of The Bootyguard
20-something #1: She's got fuckin' guns pointed at her vagina.
20-something #2: What?
20-something #1: No, dude. Seriously.
Palms, California
Another Bloody Victory
Tall girl: Hurry up, I really have to pee.
Short girl in heels: Yeah, well, I'm about to hemorrhage through my skirt, so I win.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Dental Orgasms Are the Norm in Canadia
Kindly older woman on cell: No, no, no, ask him to be gentle, tell him it's your first time...it's beautiful. You're going to love it, Caroline. Okay, love you! Bye!
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Emma Middleton
Categories: Advice | Canadia | Compliments | Default | Feelings | Offers and requests | Old folks | Women | Posted 2009-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I May Have Fugeed Myself
Excited hipster guy on cell: Dude, you just missed Wyclef Jean! He was fucking awesome! He dry-humped me and everything!
Voodoo Music Fest
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: Eliza
...No, Seriously, Check Out This Rash.
Four-year-old boy holding 20-something girl's hand: I've got jungle fever! I've got jungle fever!
Jungle Cruise Line
Walt Disney World, Florida
Remember When I Did That at My Son's Bar Mitzvah?
Woman, urinating and talking to friend in next stall: I was holding my piss in for so long, my Kegel muscles could choke a chicken!
Memorial Hall
Monson, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Birds | Body parts | Default | Massachusetts | Names | Pee | Women | Posted 2009-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even If I Am 87% Synthetic
Overly dramatic English teacher: You will have the face you deserve when you are eighty. I will be beautiful.
AC Flora High School
Columbia, South Carolina
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | Compliments | Default | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | South Carolina | Teachers | Posted 2009-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like When Troy McClure Married Selma on The Simpsons
Girl #1: What's an orgasm?
Girl #2: It's like when two people get excited during sex.
Girl #1: So, like, when they go "rawwwrr!"
Girl #2: Uh...yeah. Sure.
School Cafeteria
El Paso, Texas
Your Editors Have a Soft Spot for Girls Who Say "Suitors"
Slutty looking girl: I want to send a bulletin to all my male suitors: "you will not be getting into my pants by texting me and asking me to give you a back massage. The bum who told me god did a beautiful job making my legs this morning had a better chance."
Ogilvie Train Station
Chicago, Illinois
If You Call Them, They Will Come
Teenage girl: I could say "penis penis penis penis penis" all day and not feel weird about it.
Chino, California
Pythagoras Is a Jealous God, People
Math teacher: If you fuck with numbers, you're fucking with god! And people get killed for that shit!
University of Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Tormented Math Student
Ad: If Your Chess Game Lasts More Than Four Hours, Seek Medical Attention
Elderly gentleman playing chess: You know, in college, when all of my friends were chasing girls, I was on the chess team...chasing wood.
Barnes & Noble
Augusta, Maine
Overheard by: Fia
It'll Be Me He Whispers to
Girl to friends, very confidently: And I will be that horse!
Memorial University
St. John's, Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
It's Like a Headline Writer's Wet Dream
College guy: This must be a joke. We live in a city called "Cumming," we have a store called "BJ's," and a store called "Dick's," and a "Siemens" water tower.
Cumming, Georgia
While a Choir Sings, My Liquified Remains Will Be Flushed Down a Golden Drain
College freshman: I keep making plans for my funeral, and they keep getting better!
San Francisco State University
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Anne
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Happiness | San Francisco | Students | Posted 2009-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Rhino Chicks Never Give Me the Time Of Day
Man #1, watching rhino: Damn, it's huge.
Man #2: Lucky bastard.
San Diego Zoo
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Nikki
Categories: Animals | California | Compliments | Default | Guys | Tourist attractions | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: P.S.-- I Oven You.
High school girl to friend: History is my favorite subject, my favorite is the holocaust...I love the holocaust!
Dentist Office, Korea Town
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: anon
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Doctor's office | Feelings | Girls | History | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Probably Underground
Girl #1: No! They separated!
Girl #2: It's okay, they'll end up together eventually.
Girl #1: What? That's like saying "it's okay to be kidnapped, you'll end up with someone eventually!"
Miami, Florida
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Florida | Girls | Relationships | Words | Posted 2009-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Instead Of Carrying Around This Scale Model
Mother to toddler daughter: Would you rather I just say "testicles"?
Art Institute of Chicago
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Brian
Everybody from the American South Takes English As a Second Language
Crying girl to friend: And my paper had all these, like, negative comments on it a-a-and then she pulled me aside and compared my paper to people who take English as a second language.
Virginia Commonwealth University, Virginia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Girls | Gripes | Virginia | Posted 2009-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fine, Call It "Guano" If That Makes You Feel Better
Man to son: Stop talking about vampire bats and focus on your poop.
San Diego, California
Categories: Advice | Animals | California | Dads | Default | Family ties | Poop | Posted 2009-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hate When My Electronics Have a Spiritual Crisis
Sad suit: I got my blackberry wet last night, and now it randomly calls rabbi Goldstein.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Default | Names | Suits | Technology | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can I Still Have My Period on Your Face?
Girlfriend to boyfriend: So should I stop peeing in front of you ?
Boyfriend to girlfriend: No, I don't mind. I don't care...just don't let me see you poop, that's just too fucking weird.
Michigan
Overheard by: da da
In Other News, I've Graded You on a Scale from "Green" to "Unicorns"
Math professor: Coming home drunk at 3 am and grading calculus papers is a great way to learn calculus.
Southern Methodist University
Dallas, Texas
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Education | Teachers | Texas | Posted 2009-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yuppie Naming Conventions Apply Only to White People
Girl #1: Why the heck is her name "Brezelle"?
Girl #2: Well, she's African.
Girl #1: Oh.
Temple University, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Geography | Girls | Names | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2009-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Failing You Would Be Against My Religion
Professor, on last day of lecture: You are all pregnant.
(students awkwardly looking around and extremely uncomfortable)
Professor: ...with your futures.
University of Wisconsin
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Teachers | Wisconsin | Words | Posted 2009-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need Mine To Sign Contracts!
Professor: I'm still on the search for a contortionist, by the way.
Student #1: Aren't all contortionists like really young?
Professor: Are they?
Student #2: Yeah, I'm pretty sure the oldest contortionist is like, 15. Their flexibility has something to do with their age.
Professor: Well, what good would an underage contortionist be?
University of Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: an incredibly amused student
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Offers and requests | Questions | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But with Slightly Bigger Boobs
Girl #1: What does he look like?
Girl #2: The same way he looked when he was Catherine.
Mount Holyoke College
South Hadley, Massachusetts
Categories: Character | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Massachusetts | Names | Questions | Posted 2009-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait'll We Hit Corporate America
Jock #1: I felt like such a whore today.
Jock #2: I can imagine.
Montevallo, Alabama
The Only Surefire Way to Protect Your Money Nowadays
Teen: And when I woke up, everything in my purse was covered by a condom.
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: At least it was protected
What Happens When Whoopi Goldberg Is Your Bible School Teacher
Mother to young son: What did you learn in church today?
Son: I told you.
Mother: What was it again?
Son: That when you play tic-tac-toe it's best to pick the middle square.
Costco
Boise, Idaho
Help Yourself--the Keys Are in It
Announcement: There's a gray car parked outside, four feet into the street.
Older woman: It's mine. I don't park cars; I just sort of abandon them.
Portsmouth, Virginia
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Offers and requests | Virginia | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Just a Trust, but Verify Kind Of Gal
College girl: Yeah, but I don't fuck my kids.
Friend: Well, you don't have any yet.
College girl, looking down: I can't believe I just checked my vagina before I answered that.
College Campus
SoCal, California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Default | Friends | Girls | Kids | Sex | Students | Vagina | Posted 2009-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Wouldn't Make a Bad Video Game
Grandmother: I think the cat is pregnant with one kitten or something.
Five-year-old boy: Yeah, and the kitten is like, controlling her from the inside.
Spokane, Washington
On the Plus Side, We've Finally Found a Decent Place for Our Slip-n-Slide
Loud woman on phone: I was at the funeral on Wednesday and Melvin was sitting in the pew behind me. Halfway through the ceremony he leans forward and goes: "We're at the wrong funeral!" So we had to get up and find the right one. When we got there, the hill was so steep the hearse couldn't get up the hill! It was awful!
Train
Aberdeen
Scotland
Aristotle's Really More Of an American Eagle Dude
Girl #1, leaving the mall: Go to Aero... Ari... Aristotle.
Girl #2: Aristotle is not the same thing as Aeropostale.
Girl #1: Then where did I...?
Girl #2 (interrupting): History. You learned about Aristotle in history.
Tuscaloosa, Alabama
Overheard by: Ashley
Does That Mean My Baby Is Gifted?
Woman to friend: What he has started doing now is picking his nose with his toe.
National Coney Island
Royal Oak, Michigan
Categories: Body parts | Default | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Restaurants | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eating Dirt Is Also Off-Limits
Girl #1, talking about Lasik surgery: Well, they either cut your eye completely with a laser, or they do part of it surgically.
Girl #2: No! No! Stop. I can't talk about eyes. Don't talk about eyes, especially when I'm eating.
Guy: This is just like with my friend, Marise. We can't talk about killing people because she's from Haiti.
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Molly
Categories: Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Geography | Girls | Guys | Violence | Virginia | Posted 2009-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Perils of Kiddie Prozac
Dad to little girl: I'm going to feed you to a puppy.
Little girl: Dad! I don't want to eat a puppy.
Dad: I'm not going to feed you a puppy, I'm going to feed you to a puppy.
Little girl: Oh, that's okay, I like puppies.
Brunswick
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Claire
The Secret To Salma Hayek's Success
Hipster girl: I don't know, she just smells amazing. Her entire face smells like corn tortilla!
American Apparel
San Francisco, California
Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Default | Food | Girls | Hipsters | San Francisco | Stores | Posted 2009-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Always Expect It to Be More Fun Than It Actually Is
Girl to friends: I've got visions of blowjobs dancing in my head!
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Holly
You Just Know There's a Girl in There Somewhere
Guy #1, during coldest day of the year: Chicks in long johns are totally hot, though... Right?
Guy #2: Ummm. Really?
Guy #1: Yeah! I mean... Minnesota lingerie!
St. Olaf College
Northfield, Minnesota
Overheard by: Concerned for our sexuality
I Even Got Extra Time on My SATs for It.
Cop, helping hobo into jacket inside store: You are not drunk enough to be acting like this. People are going to think you are just mean.
Hobo: I *am* mean!
Sugarhood Smiths
Sugarhood, Utah
Categories: Advice | Compare and contrast | Cops | Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Guys | Hobos | Stores | Utah | Posted 2009-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It May Be the First Test I Pass This Semester!
Girl: Where you going?
Guy: I am gonna go get tested for AIDS!
Girl: What?
Guy: You know, HIV! It's free!
Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama
And a Paper Cup Full Of Tap Water!
Female gallery worker: There is some concern about how much food you've eaten.
Homeless bum: One cupcake!?
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Jon
...I Wrote the Directions to the Bar on the Back
Middle aged woman: What is this?
Middle aged man: Oh. That's just a paper where Jesus explains the universe.
Middle aged woman: Do you need it?
Middle aged man: Yeah.
Sunrise, Florida
Overheard by: that one chick
Much Easier to Digest Than Faulkner-- Trust Me.
Girl: Mom, you have to buy me a book.
Mom: I just bought you beef jerky!
Escondido, California
Overheard by: Ciara & Eric
Categories: Books | California | Default | Family ties | Food | Girls | Moms | Posted 2009-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Avoid Shopping Tantrums, See That Your Husband Is Properly Fed and Watered
Husband trying on sandals: There's too much bullshit. What is all this bullshit on here?
Wife: I don't know...there's a lot of stuff.
Husband: It's too much bullshit. I'm not paying for all this bullshit.
Leesburg Corner Outlet Mall
Leesburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Nat
Why Did People Kill Each Other Before Cell Phones?
Loud man on cell: Yeah, 800,000 dollars. But let's just keep this between ourselves, okay?
Packed Commuter Train
Toronto, Canadia
Overheard by: M@
At Least Wait 'til We Get to Dubai
Ten-year-old girl to passing adult man: What's your name?
Mother, scolding: Do you have to hit on every man you see?
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Your Editors Are Already Imagining Their New Website
Girl #1, about girl #2's umbrella: That's so skinny!
Girl #2: Yeah, thanks.
Girl #1: You could do bad things with that...
Binghamton University, New York
Overheard by: Jillian
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Default | Girls | New York | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I'm Immune to Your Toxins
Girl to boyfriend: I am the clownfish to your anenome.
Salt Lake City, Utah
Categories: Animals | Compliments | Default | Girls | Relationships | Utah | Posted 2009-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Donald Duck Says Every Night
Bearded 20-something to friends: Pants or no pants, I'm gonna party tonight!
Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Matt
Tonight's Lifetime Movie: The Thais That Bi
Asian chick: I'm going to meet my old boss at that Thai restaurant. You know, the one with the woman that feels me up.
Asian dude: Oh, yeah. Aren't all Thai women bisexual?
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Shringle
Categories: Asians | Default | Geography | Girls | Guys | Jobs & Careers | New Jersey | Questions | Relationships | Sexuality | Posted 2009-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After I Rolled Your Lungs and Smoked the Tar Out of Them
Nurse #1 (during break): I hope you don't mind, I took one of your cigarettes from your purse because I was really craving one.
Nurse #2: it's no problem. (pause) Wait. Was it my last one?
Nurse #1: Yeah...is that a problem?
Nurse #2 (furious): Are you fucking kidding me?!
Nurse #1: Yeah, yeah, relax! I was just kidding. There's two more in there.
Nurse #2: Oh my god. Don't joke about things like that.
Nurse #1 (nervously): Hahaha. I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't scared for my life just now.
Nurse #2 (seriously): And I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't thinking of places to hide your body.
Geneva General Hospital
Geneva, New York
Overheard by: molly guns
Or Come To Office Hours and I'll Show You
80-something religious studies professor: Do you all know what circumcision is? (class stares at him) Okay. Well, if you don't, don't ask here. Wait for an appropriate time and ask a friend outside of class.
Canisius College
Buffalo, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Health & Hygiene | New York | Old folks | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2009-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Why I've Named Her "Sids"
Grandma: She doesn't need those...she's getting too big for baby clothes.
Mom: I know, but I don't want her to be too big for baby clothes! I just want her to stay little and not start talking...or moving.
Shop
Buffalo, New York
And Yet, the Unexamined Ring Is Not Worth Wearing
Girl sucking down Smirnoff Ice: The longer I look at my engagement ring, the smaller the diamond gets...
Berklee Performing Arts Center
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Massachusetts | Relationships | Sensory experiences | Posted 2009-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Know It's Badminton, but It Feels So Goodminton
Physical education teacher, demonstrating the overhead smash in badminton: So I'm gonna find myself in a bad position and Sean is just gonna unload on me.
Monson, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Default | Euphemisms | Getting off | Massachusetts | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On Water?
Girl #1: You don't even like Jesus.
Girl #2: I don't like Jesus, but I like the way he walks.
San Francisco, California
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Girls | Jesus | Names | San Francisco | Posted 2009-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Optometrist Asked Me to Identify Letters Of the Alphabet
Girl #1: Did you have to take a test in high school to prove that you weren't retarded?
Girl #2: Uh, no.
Girl #1: Oh...I did.
Dalhousie University
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Overheard by: JSW
But at Least She Felt Comfortable Coming Out to Us
Elderly woman #1: And all her chinaware was Royal Worcester!
Elderly woman #2, looking shocked: No! Really? You wouldn't tell by looking at her, would you?
Elderly woman #1, shaking head: No, you would not.
Rural Staffordshire
England
And Be Sure to Return Your Babies to the Full Upright Position Before Landing
Airplane pilot: And just for sanitary reasons, please change your babies diapers in the bathroom, not on the pullout table in front of you, because people might stare.
Airport
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: nicole
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Default | Florida | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Pilots | Public Transportation | Posted 2009-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...of Color
Elderly woman: I can't believe they let you sell Obama cookies here! Tsk!
Employee: Ma'am, those are just gingerbread cookies.
Stonewall Kitchen
Portsmouth, New Hampshire
Categories: Default | Employees | Food | Names | New Hampshire | Old folks | Politics | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2009-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Good News Is, the Smell of Poop Makes Me Read
Girl: I shat my pants at a Barnes & Noble once.
Guy: Could it be because you ate scallops?
Girl: No, it's because the smell of books makes me poop.
Denny's
Vincennes, Indiana
Takes a Man Years to Forgive Himself for Saying Such Things
Too hip 20-something: But you have to also create an environment where epic things can transpire...
Walzwerk Restaurant
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: glamour-geek
Categories: Compliments | Default | Hipsters | Restaurants | San Francisco | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...and the Circle of Life Continued
Chick: So like three weeks ago, after I gave birth, we went to this club...
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Girls | Massachusetts | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, We Saw Your Facebook Post
Teacher: Okay, so get out your books and start doing the exercises.
Student: Can I borrow your book?
Teacher: You didn't bring your books? Man...you guys are such losers.
Philadelphia University, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Student
Categories: Books | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Pennsylvania | Questions | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Should I Buy a Sock to Stick in It?
Whiny three-year-old: Mom! I'm hungry! I'm huuuungryyyyy!
Mother (calmly, without missing a beat): Well, you should probably shut up.
Target
Wausau, Wisconsin
Though Dancing on the Altar Was My Idea
Girl #1, after hearing embarrassing story: Yeah, that reminds me of the time I got kicked out of the Vatican for being a whore.
Girl #2: Seriously? Kicked out?
Girl #1: It was my dad's fault, though. He told me I could wear my short skirt.
Thai Restaurant
Boone, North Carolina
Overheard by: Elizabeth
Categories: Clothes | Default | Family ties | Girls | North Carolina | Questions | Religion | Restaurants | Posted 2009-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Like to Imagine They're Like Little Pinatas
Girl studying with her friend: I love how you never learn about what's inside a boob.
Friend: Yeah, that's a shame.
Library
Arizona College
Overheard by: lura
Categories: Arizona | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Default | Education | Friends | Girls | Posted 2009-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Auditions for the Next Forced-Sterilization Poster Girl
Girl to friends, emphatically: No, we have nipples so that we can milk our children!
Newton, Massachusetts
Categories: Default | Family ties | Food | Girls | Kids | Massachusetts | Nipples | Posted 2009-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Socially
Girl: Oh, don't worry, I like weird things too. I like to see fat squirrels.
Manhattan, Kansas
The Only True Currency in Any Nursing Home
Woman on cell: She'd look sharp if she had some teeth. She's just got to go get those teeth, though!
33 Bus
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Alyson
Categories: Body parts | Bus | Compare and contrast | Default | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Had a Face and the Face Looked at Me
Mom: Did you see his armpit?
Teen daughter: No. (pause) Oh, I saw it!
Mom: See? See?
Portland, Oregon
Perfect for an Institution of Higher Learning
Extremely diabetic professor: Now that I have to get another artificial leg, I can be as tall as I want!
Math Department
University of Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Suzz
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Illinois | Maladies | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Very Victor/Victoria
Friend #1: Now all we need is a transvestite cop.
Friend #2: Don't worry, we have Katie!
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Default | Friends | Jobs & Careers | Names | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Had Seventeen Ping Pong Balls Ready for Exvagination
Nurse #1: How was your weekend?
Nurse #2: It was great, except Heather* got kind of wild. I mean I've never seen anyone be...first drink they're fine, second drink they're fine, third drink they're naked and pole dancing.
Nurse #1, shaking head: Wow.
Nurse #2: Yeah, it was probably a mistake to go drinking at the bar she used to work at.
Heather*: I don't remember any of it, but when I got home my bra was filled with twenties.
Albany General Hospital
Albany, Oregon
Categories: Clothes | Default | Drinking & drunks | Jobs & Careers | Money | Nurses | Oregon | Women | Posted 2009-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They're Always Handy When You Can't Find a Bottle Opener
Girl: So what do you think about Daniel getting a makeover, Patrick?
Guy: I dig razor-sharp nipples.
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Ben
Pussy
Guy: Did you hear that our professor walked out on us on Monday? Crying!
Dining Hall, University of Michigan
Overheard by: not surprising
I Told My Dad It Was a Sports Injury. He's Never Been Prouder.
Emo boy: Matt! Tell her how you fucked up your face!
Matt: I was rubbing one out in the shower and when I came, my knees gave out and I hit my head on the faucet.
Emo girl (gasping and laughing hysterically): That is best thing I have ever heard!
Starbucks
New Mexico
Categories: Body parts | Default | Girls | Guys | Happiness | Health & Hygiene | Masturbation | New Mexico | Restaurants | Posted 2009-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Obama Is Tony, America Is Maria, And McCain Is Bernardo
Professor: Let's move on...let's talk about Puerto Ricans in New York. And crack. And race. Well, let's start with Obama.
Mount Holyoke College
South Hadley, Massachusetts
Overheard by: lovecollege
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drugs | Geography | Massachusetts | Names | Politics | Race | Teachers | Posted 2009-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Ashlee Simpson Will Never Get Her Credibility Back
Student: Would it be possible for the situation to be reversed?
Professor: Well... (talks in circles for 5 minutes) So I will say yes, but the answer is no.
Graduate Classroom
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Default | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Questions | Students | Teachers | Posted 2009-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At McCain and Obama's Sixth Debate
Guy #1: If I had to pick between icy and creamy, I'd go with a little icy.
Guy #2: I disagree, and let me tell you why.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Emily
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Euphemisms | Guys | Pennsylvania | Words | Posted 2009-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to This Fortune Cookie
Professor: You don't want to have a thin-skinned Prime Minister who's afraid of puffin poo.
University of Ottawa
Canadia
You Know How Iraq Veterans Are Just Happy to Be Home?
Girl: I was having a bad day, so he put me in some predicament bondage to try to cheer me up.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: fetishgirl
It's Total Crap, But the Wine Selection's Incredible
Woman #1: It's raining, didn't you pray for no rain this morning in church?
Woman #2: No, we just shook hands and congratulated ourselves on our own self-righteousness.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Amy
I Was an Art History Major
Pre-hipster eyeing Harvard t-shirt: What do you mean you can't afford it? But you graduated from there. Isn't that the whole point of going there?
Prudential Mall
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by:
And This....Surprises You?
Woman waiting for coffee: You know my sister is a Playboy model?
Friend: (blank stare)
Woman waiting for coffee: Yeah! She sends me the pictures. I mean, she's beautiful, but I don't wanna see that. And my brother, he looks at those!
Friend: (blank stare)
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: next in line.
Categories: Default | Family ties | Names | Overheard in Minneapolis | Porn | Women | Posted 2009-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Wants to Know?
Little boy: My teacher doesn't wear a bra!
Mother: Did she tell you that or did you just notice?
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
I Hunger
Six-year-old boy to uncle about to leave for a trip: Bring me a woman!
Simi Valley, California
Categories: California | Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Sexuality | Posted 2009-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Keeps a Pearl-Handled Revolver in Her Clutch for Just Such Occasions
Cashier: Did you find everything you were looking for?
Old lady: Yes. Actually, no! You don't have any vanilla frozen yogurt! You have every other flavor (getting worked up) I have a coupon for frozen yogurt! (waves it in cashier's face)
Cashier: Uh...I'm sorry! (sends a carryout to look for vanilla frozen yogurt)
Old lady: At least you had flat-iron chicken. You didn't have it last time. (glares)
Old lady's son, in a whisper: I'm glad you had flat-iron chicken, or I don't know what we would have done!
Springboro, Ohio
Overheard by: Never knew frozen yogurt was so important
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Family ties | Food | Guys | Ohio | Old folks | Questions | Women | Posted 2009-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Is Still Lindsay Lohan's Most Functional Relationship to Date
Drunk lesbian to sober girlfriend: Aw, I wanna puke but I can't!
Sober girlfriend: I would punch you in the stomach if you wanted ...that's how much I love you.
Drunk lesbian: Awww, that's sweet.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Compliments | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Lesbos | Stomach | Violence | Washington | Posted 2009-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like the Dirty Little Republican You Are
(attractive couple are making out against a car. The girl's phone goes off.).
Girl: Hello? Hey, mom. No, I'm still at school. Rehearsal's going to be late today. Yeah, I'll call you. Bye!
Guy: I love when you lie.
Houston, Texas
Categories: Couples | Default | Education | Family ties | Girls | Guys | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Lies | Texas | Posted 2009-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Explains Why You Don't Allow Us Bathroom Breaks
Professor to 20-something assistants, about sighting them at a bar: So, I thought I saw you the other night, but I wasn't sure because I thought that all you do is type.
UC Merced
Merced, California
Overheard by: Seriously?
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Euphemisms | Jobs & Careers | Teachers | Posted 2009-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Get a Cookie
Professor: So what happened in Germany between 1928 and 1930?
Student: 1929!
Fordham University, New York
Overheard by: Sromeo
Only Sweet, Sweet Kisses
60-year-old woman, spotting a friend walking towards her: Oh, fancy seeing you here!
Friend: How nice to see you! But no hugs below the waist this time.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: curious.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Feelings | Friends | Old folks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2009-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fuck It, You Know What? I Did
Guy on cell: Did they sell their house? (pause) Ohhh, they couldn't sell the house! (pause) Yeah...that makes sense! Ain't nobody can't get credit now, ho! (pause) Wait, I didn't mean to call you a ho, grandma.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Default | Family ties | Guys | Insults | Other sites | Questions | Posted 2009-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Who Wants Ice Cream?
Administrator (mumbling to herself): Maybe I should just fire everyone here. (opens a drawer) Oh, here's my spoon. Okay, maybe everyone can keep their jobs.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: spoon.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Gripes | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2009-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Today's Lab, You Won't Need Partners
Teaching assistant to bunch of anatomy students: When in doubt, touch yourself!
Cleveland State University, Ohio
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Masturbation | Ohio | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Survivor Finally Jumps the Shark.
Indie girl to friend: And then, as revenge, Jess urinated in her Nutella jar.
Train
Wollongong
Australia
Wouldn't Want People to Think I'm Less Than a Lady
20-year-old female emo: So basically, after hours of arguing outside his house, I was so fed up I told him to fucking suck my dick.
30-year-old female friend: Wow, what happened after that?
20-year-old female emo: I left. He was being such a fucking cunt. I wanted to piss in his mouth. He made me drive home drunk!
30-year-old female friend: He could at least offer to like, let you spend the night.
20-year-old female friend: Like, I don't even know, he's such a bitch boyfriend. I honestly hopes he gets the herpes.
30-year-old female friend: You have such a dirty mouth.
20-year-old female emo: Oh, is my lipstick smudged or something?
Starbucks
San Francisco, California
Categories: California | Default | Friends | Girls | Maladies | Pee | Penis | Questions | Relationships | Restaurants | Sex | Wishes | Posted 2009-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Remember: "There Are No Small Parts..."
Girl #1: Why is it that so many midgets end up getting into acting? There must be a shortage of midget actors...
Girl #2: Shortage?
Sault Ste Marie
Ontario
Canadia
So Do I Win the White-Trash Contest, or What?
Girl: Yeah...after he got out of prison he moved back in with us. He was always flirting with me and once tried to make out with me.
Guy: Ummmmmm, did you tell your mom?
Girl: No, I didn't mind, I thought he was cute.
Jeffersonville, Indiana
Categories: Default | Family ties | Girls | Guys | Indiana | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Questions | Posted 2009-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As That Sign at Old Navy Clearly Indicated
Guy holding up green shirt: It's never too early to start thinking about what you're going to throw up on next St. Patrick's day.
Gap Outlet
Alexandria, Virginia
Thanks, Airfone!
Girl to friend: So on the way here, I joined the mile high club...by myself!
Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Colleges & Universities | Default | Euphemisms | Girls | Names | Public Transportation | Sex | Words | Posted 2009-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades
20-something guy that obviously just woke up: So, do you think we'll have enough money to apply for college later today?
20-something girlfriend, also still bed-headed and yawning: Are you kidding me? It's 5 am and we're stoned. We'll talk about this later.
Bus
Dallas, Texas
I'm All About Buster Brown Collars
Gay professor: Yeah, so running through these questions should go a little more smoothly this time around. I looked around for what was causing it to go so slow last time, and I realized that there are disadvantages to letting your 14-year-old take your laptop to Tahoe for the weekend. I mean, really--how much lesbian porn can three teenage boys download? (class laughs) So, uh. If anything pops up, you know who to blame. I mean, it certainly isn't my secret fetish.
San Francisco State University, California
Overheard by: It isn't mine, either.
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Default | Gays | Porn | Questions | Sexuality | Teachers | Technology | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How "What What (In the Butt)" Was Born
Teacher: Okay, I want you to write down twenty words relating to one of your hobbies, and then write a poem about it.
Girl: Can we write it on surprise butt sex?
Teacher: Errrmmm...if you want?
School Classroom
Australia
Overheard by: i wrote mine on sport....
And Trust in Covalent Bondage
Chemistry professor: A good chemist feels what his molecules are going through. A good chemist can relate to his molecules.
Macalester College
St Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: Mac
Tonight, on Frigid Jones's Diary...
Girl: Did you see American Pie last night?
Guy: American Pie? But that's a dirty movie, I thought you were frigid.
Girl: I am frigid but I still watch tv.
Kerry Foods
Ireland
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Ireland | Movies | Sex | Technology | Posted 2009-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...While Describing It to Me in Slow, Sultry Terms.
Older woman on phone: There are two dogs having relations on my front yard.
Chief of police: Well, hose them down.
Felton, Delaware
Overheard by: oh dear.
Rather Than Someone Else's
Guy at the end of the very long line to men's room: Man, it's like the line to Space Mountain. Except when you get to the end you have your dick in your hand.
Festival of Ales
Worcester, Massachusetts
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Hands | Massachusetts | Penis | Posted 2009-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Title Of Ann Coulter's New Memoir
Hot 21-year-old: Do I look fat in this?
Hot friend: Are you delusional?
Hot 21-year-old: Yay!
Hot friend: Being delusional isn't a good thing.
Hot 21-year-old: I'd rather be delusional then fat!
Rose Bay
Australia
Overheard by: Abbey
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2009-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With a Clatter, Suzette's Mind Blew Open
Professor, reading student midterm reviews of his teaching style: When asked the question, "what would help you understand the material better?" someone wrote "if you wore a thong." My answer to that is, "how do you know I'm not?"
(class erupts in laughter)
University of Michigan, Dearborn
Overheard by: Nehal
Xanax?
Young female yuppie to friend: You really might have to calm me down. I haven't been in a mall in a long time.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: samantha
Categories: Advice | Default | Feelings | Girls | Massachusetts | Offers and requests | Yuppies | Posted 2009-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like, It Takes a Village to Raise a Chomper?
Customer: Do you have any non-fiction books on vampires?
Dymocks Carousel
Perth, Western Australia
Australia
Overheard by: Richard
Here, I Brought Some to Share With You
Laughing girl: So I was smelling his dirty socks and stuff...
Friends: What?!
Acadia University
Wolfville, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Overheard by: wondering why...
How You Know It's Time for a Vacation
Waitress: That comes with a side salad.
Woman at booth: I'll have a salad with ranch.
(10 minutes later)
Woman at booth: What is this?
Waitress: Your salad?
Woman at booth, loudly sobbing: I ordered a Caesar salad!
Waitress, at the top of her lungs: We have other salads! We have other salads! They are in the fridge!
Restaurant
Boardman, Ohio
And Did You Bring Enough for Everyone?
Professor at anatomy lecture to student touching her own throat: Ivanova, what are you gonna be touching when I'm lecturing on the sex organs?
Shout-out: anekdot.mail.ru
Categories: Body parts | Default | Education | Other sites | Questions | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2009-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Can't Discuss Literature, But the Sex Is Fantastic
Woman #1: Do you think that he's kind of young for her?
Woman #2: You know, I've realized that age really doesn't matter. I'm dating a baby right now.
Thai Food Restaurant
Sturbridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Massachusetts | Questions | Relationships | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2009-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What the Song "Twist and Shout" Really Means
Dining hall worker: When I got my nipples pierced I had an orgasm when the guy was doing the left one.
Student: Really? How did that happen?
Dining hall worker: When he clamped it I just told him to keep twisting that shit, and 20 minutes later I had an orgasm. It was a little Chinese man who did it...I bet his little uncircumcised dick was all bonered out and shit.
overheardatyale.com
Overheard by: overheardatyale
Cool
Drunk girl looking at digital camera: Sometimes I'm having such a good time I look Chinese.
Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, PA
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drunks | Feelings | Geography | Girls | Happiness | Pennsylvania | Technology | Posted 2009-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...In Unrelated News
Roomie #1: So, is your greatest strength still spooning?
Roomie #2: I told you, we're re not getting a cat!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: roomie numero tre.
Categories: Animals | Compliments | Default | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2009-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Back in My Cheekier Days
Girl : But...why...would you...?
Guy (enthusiastically): I always used to wear thongs!
Deep Ellum
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: buttfloss?
Meet the 21st-Century Emily Post
20-something brunette: I mean, what else are you supposed to do when someone shits their pants...drink more vodka!
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Chaser
...Since You Refuse to Watch Fox News
Woman on library's computer to son: Get away from the books and sign up for a computer. That's the only way you're goin' to learn!
Hawthorne Library
Hawthorne, California
Overheard by: Scott A. Willis
Categories: Advice | California | Default | Education | Technology | Women | Posted 2009-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nice Recovery, Boyo
Six-year-old child to teacher, upon seeing her new haircut for the first time: What's wrong with your hair?
Teacher: What do you mean "what's wrong with my hair"?
Child (with eyes downcast): It just looks so beautiful.
Teacher: Well, thank you.
New Westminster
BC
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Hair | Kids | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2009-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Goldilocks Always Has Trouble Getting It Just Right
Female cashier: I'm tired, and really not sure why.
Man checking out: You want to know what causes tiredness?
Female cashier: What?
Man checking out: Either too much sex or not enough sex. By the looks of you, it must be too much sex.
Albertson's
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: Not tired, so I must be getting enough sex
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Employees | Girls | Guys | Louisiana | Questions | Sex | Posted 2009-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ah, Refried Love
20-something girl on phone: Wait, he gave you a bite of his burrito and you're questioning his feelings for you? (pause) Girl, he practically proposed right there!
University of Missouri
Overheard by: Black Bean
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Food | Girls | Missouri | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2009-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Politely Schooled Her in the Art Of Saying, "Wassup, Biiiiitches?"
Girl #1: And she was like, "Hi, I'm Ashley" and stuck out her hand.
Girl #2: Did you smack her in the head? And tell her to stop talking like that?
Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Pennsylvania | Questions | Violence | Posted 2009-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can Cry Afterwards and He Can't Tell
Girl: It's not "oh, I got laid underwater." It's that I got to know the person and got close to them before I went underwater.
Psychology Class
University of Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Emily
Categories: Class | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Pennsylvania | Sex | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2009-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Page That Didn't Make It Into Oh, the Places You'll Go!
Professor: There's a reason to go to Pompeii: To see all the crazy penises!
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Adam
Or Just a Bestiality Fetishist?
10-year-old girl, excitedly, to 20-something woman wearing cat ears: Are you a furry?
GenCon 2008
Indianapolis, Indiana
Is That What I've Been Swallowing?
Older male professor, addressing a large lecture hall with only girls: So you see, in my body you will find lots of regular cells, and also you will find cells that are in the process of meiosis; and those are my sperm cells.
Barnard girl: That is so awkward.
Barnard College
New York
Overheard by: Vicksburg
And I'm a Republican!
Professor: Well, I'm not supposed to state my own political views. (pause) Ah, to hell with it, I'm just going to say it: Sarah Palin is a complete fucking disaster!
University of Maryland
College Park, Maryland
Overheard by: Brittany
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Maryland | Names | Politics | Teachers | Posted 2009-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pussyfooting
Girl to friend: Is that why you were screaming? I knew it was more than just fingering!
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Eavesdrop DC
Categories: Default | Feelings | Girls | Other sites | Sensory experiences | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
An Army Of One
Guy coming out of bathroom: Dude, did you hear the angels singing?
Friend: What?
Guy: Man, that shit was magical.
Camp LeJeune, North Carolina
She's Wrong
Teen girl to friend: She doesn't even know what she wants! She just likes to text Scott because it makes her feel pretty.
Forever 21
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Dos Cervezas, Por Favor!
Four-year-old boy, excitedly, as he and his family are being seated: Beer! Beer! Dad, they have beer here!
El Metate Mexican Restaurant
Soddy-Daisy, Tennessee
Overheard by: Mrs. H.
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Guys | Kids | Kids | Restaurants | Tennessee | Posted 2009-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Your Kicks Were Fast As Lightning
Older man in baggy clothes, waiting in line: You're a Kung Fu master.
College girl (amused): How'd you know?
Older nan: I sensed your Chi.
Burger King
Worcester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Emily
Categories: Default | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Massachusetts | Old folks | Questions | Restaurants | Weirdness | Posted 2009-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's A Little Funny?
Father on phone to wife: No, it was at dinner, and then this drunk at the next table made a comment about our son. No. He said Josh looked like "a retarded page from the dark ages." That's not funny. (long pause) I'll schedule him for a haircut tomorrow.
Pennsylvania
Categories: Age and ageing | Dads | Default | Drinking & drunks | Family ties | Food | Guys | History | Pennsylvania | Posted 2009-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Mission Impossible Sequel Is Weaker Than the Last
Small child: Hey, dad, can we take the quarters out of the fountain?
Father: Not now. That's what we do after dark, when we put our ski masks on.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: rappeling from the ceiling for spare change.
Categories: Dads | Default | Family ties | Guys | Kids | Kids | Money | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2009-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Well, Great to See You Again!
Girl: Didn't I lick maple syrup off you once?
Guy: I thought I licked maple syrup off you.
Girl: Really?
Guy: Wait, no. It was honey.
Girl: Oh, yeah. Honey.
Norfolk, Virginia
Overheard by: Olivia
Yeah? Shalom, Baby
Black man, approaching black woman wrapped in garments with only her eyes visible: Salam Aleikum.
Woman: I'm not Muslim, muthafucka, I'm cold!
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Michael
Wheeee!
Girl #1: How come I always feel drunk whenever you're drunk?
Girl #2: I don't know.
Girl #1: I think we're drunk cycling together!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Girls | Illinois | Questions | Posted 2009-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
While Black Eyeliner Is the New Jersey State Bird
Goth girl to friend: You have to know your ChapStick! ChapStick is the Colorado state bird!
Aurora, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
In T9 for Two
Girl to friends in line for bathroom: That's going to be the next chapter of the book: Boys Who Text But Won't Have Sex!
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Eavesdrop DC
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Names | Other sites | Sex | Posted 2009-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Brenda's Quest Continued
20-something girl: When you go pee first thing in the morning, do you ever make a bunch of noises and you're not sure if they 're coming from your hoo-haw or your ass?
Friend: Umm...no.
20-something girl: Yeah, me neither.
University of Missouri
Columbia, Missouri
Back Up-- Did You Just Call Me "Homie"?
Girl #1: Well, if you're totally past it, it won't matter.
Girl #2: But I'm not totally past it, and it does matter. I hate that I did that to someone. And I know it sets feminism way back, but...I mean, Jesus, before I met him, I was like, "No way am I gonna reproduce!" And then...Bam! I'm like a fucking salmon Metro-Northing it for unrequited spawn.
Girl #1: You weren't gonna have kids?
Girl #2: Homie, I can't even handle my period.
Girl #1: I hear ya.
Girl #2: I'm not sure his kind of crazy and my kind of crazy would translate well into offspring.
Girl #1: But your kind of beautiful and his kind of beautiful would make for adorable children.
Girl #2: Oh, shut the fuck up, I'm not beautiful. I have no forehead.
Girl #1: You have a fine forehead.
Girl #2: I have a threehead.
Girl #1: It's a fine forehead. If your forehead was a person and mine was a person, my forehead would totally have sex with your forehead.
Girl #2: I can't believe you. I haven't talked to you face-to-face for more than a year and within ten minutes of reuniting, you're already talking about forehead sex.
(she looks up)
Girl #2: Oh, shit! That's my mentor, and I think she just heard me say "forehead sex."
Sarah Lawrence College
Westchester County, New York
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Girls | Jesus | New York | Sex | Stupidity | Posted 2009-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Rosa Parks Was Definitely Chinese Though, Right?
7th-grade-boy to another: I didn't know Martin Luther King Jr. was black!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: scared for the future of education.
Categories: Default | Family ties | Guys | Kids | Names | Overheard in Minneapolis | Race | Posted 2009-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Plus He Brings Me Noodles from Afar
50-something woman #1: I think he has that Marco Polo thing.
50-something woman #2: What?
50-something woman #1: You know, when someone is like, really depressed one minute then really happy the next.
50-something woman #2: Do you mean bipolar disorder?
50-something woman #1: Yeah that's the one.
Liverpool
England
Never Take That Option Off the Table
Old man pushing shopping cart, singing happily to himself: Maybe I should get an 8-million-dollar lawsuit against my own family!
Seattle, Washington
In and Out, In and Out, All Night Long
Conductor: Mind the gap, doors closing. (train does not move) Those naughty, naughty doors.
London
England
Overheard by: ren
Categories: Advice | Conductors | Default | England | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2009-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Sermons Are More Uplifting Than Others
Girl: I'm not going to have fun because I'm going to be sober...and whiny!
Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Girls | Gripes | Texas | Posted 2009-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now We Can't Even Keep Madonna
British theater professor: Well, you know Hong Kong used to belong to Britain. (angrily) Everything used to belong to Britain.
Theater Class, UMass
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Chanimal
Categories: Class | Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Geography | History | Massachusetts | Politics | Teachers | Posted 2009-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Wouldn't Share!
Lady carrying huge crate of Girl Guide Cookies to campus rent-a-cop: But they're just kids! They were just trying to have fun!
Campus rent-a-cop, genuinely surprised: They were smoking pot on my campus!
McGill
Montreal, Quebec
Canadia