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December 2008 Archives
If They Want To Help the Economy
Drunk guy: Everyone in this room should get hair extensions.
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Meech
I Was Thinking More A Piece of Pizza
Guy: You know what you need? You need your asshole licked.
Girl, deadly serious: I've had my asshole licked. That is not what I need.
Planetfest 2008
Jacksonville, Florida
Overheard by: Raynay
And I Only Eat Things in the Primary Color Wheel
Girl #1: Hey, you wanna grab dinner in a bit?
Girl #2: Sure, want to go to Risley?
Girl #1: Okay, I'm just going to warn you now, though I'm like a reaally slow eater...I only use my front teeth.
Halifax
Nova Scotia
Canadia
...Slowly Rubbing Shea Butter on My Back
Professor, about English grammar: Sorry, I lost my train of thought. I was thinking of Samuel L. Jackson.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by: ed216
Categories: Character | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Overheard at McGill | Teachers | Posted 2008-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on Birthdayzillas
Eight-year-old boy: So, is the birthday party going to be fun?
Six-year-old girl: Yeah!
Eight-year-old boy: Who knows? It could be a disaster!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: working hard to make it a fun party.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Happiness | Kids | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2008-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because It's Tuesday
Woman in red tutu: I am in pain. And hungover. And starting to drink again. In a red tutu, of course.
Vallejo Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Poogins
Categories: Clothes | Default | Drinking & drunks | Fashion | Feelings | San Francisco | Women | Posted 2008-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Providence, The Living Will Envy the Dead
Soccer mom to group of children: Okay, who's dead?
Several of the children, excitedly: I'm dead! I'm dead!
Outisde Trinity Rep
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Katie M
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Family ties | Happiness | Kids | Kids | Questions | Rhode Island | Women | Posted 2008-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Chances Are Good We'll Get to Denver or Somewhere Near It
Stressed flight attendant, after four-hour delay: Folks, we've just been cleared for immediate departure. (passengers cheer) All passengers must be seated, with your seat belts fastened for takeoff. To do so, insert the metal--well, if you can't figure it out for yourself, you're in trouble. If at any point an oxygen mask appears in front of you, you'll want to put that on. In the event of a water landing occurring between St. Louis and Denver, there will be a flotation device under your seat and about three feet of snow in hell. Emergency exits--front, over-wing and rear--wherever it says so. Don't even think about smoking. See the safety information card for the rest. Here we go.
Runway
St. Louis Airport, Missouri
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Default | Feelings | Flight attendants | Missouri | Smoking | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Worst. Prostitute. Ever
Serious hipster chick #1: So she shot him in the leg, because that was her training.
Serious hipster chick #2 (nodding understandingly): Uh-huh.
Serious hipster chick #1: And then they ended up lying feet to feet.
Art Opening
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Terry B
The Heidegger Hobo Also Plays Fundraisers and Private Parties
Homeless guy to girl passing by: The economic downturn has thrown me into an existential panic! (girl looks at him quizzically) Yeah, us street folk feel that shit too.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Alessa Colaianni
Read and Heed, Gentlemen
Girl #1: He fucking made my bed this morning! It was cute!
Girl #2: Aawwwww. I love when they do that. If you're gonna mess around in my bed, you gotta make it. It's kinda my rule: if you're gonna cum on me, you better wash it off too.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Meg
Categories: Cleanliness | Cum | Default | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Relationships | Sexuality | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Now He Must Be Punished
Four-year-old girl: What about Steven?!
Six-year-old girl: He's my new boyfriend, and I told his sister that I love him but she didn't tell him. But he's my boyfriend and he doesn't know it.
Pennsylvania
Categories: Default | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | Gossip | Kids | Kids | Pennsylvania | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2008-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whereas My Beer Belly Is a Perfect Sphere
Male student to girlfriend: Your body is uneven!
George Mason University
Fairfax County, Virginia
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Insults | Students | Virginia | Posted 2008-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: Merde on the WestJet Express
Flight attendant: So I'm gonna let the lady in the box [the recording] take it away in French, then I'll finish up in English, because we like to save the best for last!
Entire plane: Oooooooooooooh!
Lady at the back (in French): We're still in Quebec, you know!
WestJet Flight
Montreal
Canadia
Categories: Airports & flights | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Flight attendants | Geography | Insults | Language barrier | Public Transportation | Women | Posted 2008-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You Knew What You Were Getting Into When You Agreed to Date Paul Bunyan
40-something woman: So now all my panties are gross and streched out.
Friend: What a jerk!
Macy's
Traverse City, Michigan
Overheard by: megansbaby
Man Found Suffocated In Bed
20-something girl: Like, he's such a nice guy...I don't even suck in my gut when we're lying next to each other in bed anymore.
Friend: Aww...that's true love.
Yorkville
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compliments | Default | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Relationships | Sexuality | Posted 2008-12-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sounds Like a Good Rule
Girl to friend: And then this guy, I can't remember his name, he was like "hey, you want some cake?" But I've read his blog and he believes in creationism, so I was like "no, thanks."
Christchurch
New Zealand
Categories: Default | Girls | Names | New Zealand | Offers and requests | Philosophy | Relationships | Science | Posted 2008-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's One Way to Describe Our Healthcare System
Professor: It's like pouring milk on the floor and putting your baby in it. Not as efficient as a nipple.
University of Vermont
The New 90210 Characters Are Just As Douchey As the Originals
Man on cell: Behold, Beverly, my codpiece is enormous! Praise be to Jupiter!
Flagstaff, Arizona
Overheard by: Freezair
For the Last Time, Tasseled Loafers Do Not a Mafia Make
Chick: Gay is not an ethnicity! I don't care if they have their own mafia!
Outside Central Library
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
The Two Types of Feminists, Encapsulated
Female student #1: I think Picasso painted them as nudes to liberate women; to show that they're human beings.
Female student #2: I think he just liked tits.
French Class
UMass, Amherst
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Default | Gender issues | Girls | Massachusetts | Nipples | Philosophy | Students | Posted 2008-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Not Proud of My Addiction
Male student: I like your Skittles.
Female student: Don't look at them!
Eveleth, Minnesota
Overheard by: deathmap
Categories: Candy | Compliments | Default | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Minnesota | Offers and requests | Students | Posted 2008-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Prefer to Call It "Putting Out the Fruit Plate"
Girl #1: Soooooo, how did staying at his place go?
Girl #2: Well? (smiles)
Girl #1: You opened the muffin shop, didn't you?
Girl #2: Yeah, well, only for a night.
Girl #1: Seriously? I thought we said that was a bad idea.
Girl #2: And a morning. Sorry.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Sex | Words | Posted 2008-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sugar Bear Is Next
Serious philosophy teacher: Captain Crunch has been raped.
High School
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: clementine
Categories: About celebrities | Crimes | Default | Internet | Maryland | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Violence | Posted 2008-12-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though I Personally Prefer "Plucked from the Eyebrow of My Soul"
History professor: The Irish love country music. When you're there, you expect to hear bagpipes playing, but then you walk into a bar and it's all, "you've been flushed from the bathroom of my heart!"
Northern Kentucky University
Overheard by: Dohiyi
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Geography | Kentucky | Music | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Americans Are So Cute
Whiny five-year-old: Mama! I'm soooo hungry!
Frustrated mom: Well, I don't care! And do you know why? Nobody ever died from hunger!
Tuscaloosa, Alabama
Do You Remember Half the People You've Slept With, Ashley? I Rest My Case
Father: I read a report where they have linked promiscuity to Alzheimer's.
20-something daughter: Don't be jealous, dad.
Sydney
Australia
I'll Have to If I Want to Be Prom Queen
High school boy: From now on, I'm going to do everything as homosexually as possible.
Bellingham, Washington
Like "It's My Potty (And I'll Be Dry If I Want To)"
Teacher: Do you have to go potty?
Two-year-old girl: I don't go potty anymore; I listen to music.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: wayzata
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Kids | Kids | Music | Overheard in Minneapolis | Poop | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2008-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Naming Her "Charmin" Was the Right Call
Girl: Your child is adorable.
Proud father: Yes, she's so fluffy and absorbent!
Yarmouth, Maine
Overheard by: Jade
In the Same Way That Fear and Loathing... Is Utopian
Elderly professor: Who's to say Brave New World is a dystopia? I mean, they just did drugs and had sex all day. That sounds like a utopia, if you ask me.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: unsettled.
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Education | Feelings | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2008-12-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Axes Are For Plunder, Whips For Fun, Etc.
Four-year-old boy, wielding plastic sword and shield: It's a knife!
Boy's mother: No, it's a sword.
Four-year-old boy: No! It's a knife!
Boy's mother: No, no, no, Danny. Knives are for cutting. Swords are for vanquishing.
99 B-Line
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Frodo Baggins
Talking Barbie Dolls Are Getting More and More Controversial
Girl to another: I love being a bitch...it makes life so much more meaningful!
Calgary
Canadia
Overheard by: None of my business
But You Never Know with the Royal Family Left to Their Own Devices
Guy with small crowd around him (completely straight-faced): So we're doing everything we can to ensure that there'll be as little incest going on as possible. (crowd nods)
Hofstra University, New York
...Can I Have That Back Now?
Hobo: Anyone got a dollar? I'm hungry as hell.
Fat girl: Here you go, man. (gives him a five)
Hobo: Thank you! Thank you! Now, see, because she's fat--no, I say healthy. I like my women healthy, gives me something to grab onto. Now, because she's fat, she knows I got to eat!
Fat girl: Umm...
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Fat people | Food | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Hobos | Money | Offers and requests | Panhandling | Sensory experiences | Wisconsin | Words | Posted 2008-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Know I Like to Watch
Blonde to friend: You can't give me ice cream and think that makes up for you having sex while I had mono!
UMass, Amherst
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Food | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Sex | Posted 2008-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks, Girls Next Door!
Woman to friend: I was just wondering how I was going to get my panties on in traffic.
University of Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Tatiana
Danny DeVito Rehearses for the Next Batman Movie
Waiter in white shirt, black pants and black bow tie (singing): Doot doot doot, penguins walking downtown, doot doot doot, penguins smoking cigarettes...
Spokane, Washington
And They're Great Shade on a Sunny Day
Skinny guy: I like the big girls because they're cleaner, and they buy you drinks.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: joe joe.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Drinking & drunks | Gender issues | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in PDX | Skinny people | Posted 2008-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are Those The Only Choices?
Professor to class, after licking her finger and cleaning the board with it: Do you guys think thats gross? Or hot?
University of Massachusetts
Categories: Class | Compare and contrast | Default | Etiquette | Massachusetts | Questions | Sexuality | Teachers | Women | Posted 2008-12-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Would You Say It While Brandishing a Riding Crop?
35-year-old man: Do you know what I did for you? I left my home, my wife. I cheated because I was cheated on, I know what that's like. You're turning 30, you need a man, what's a woman at 30? You're alone!
28-year-old woman: You're having a midlife crisis. Women don't get those. I'm there for you, like, "you should stop at three drinks because you're a terrible drunk."
35-year-old man: You'd do that for me?
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Matt
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Gender issues | Guys | Illinois | Infidelity | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Women | Posted 2008-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Searching for the Mitten He'd Lost
Mom to teenage daughter: Yeah, they swell up big, you shoulda seen it, looked like I had a pussy on my hand.
Courtroom
Houston, Texas
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Hands | Health & Hygiene | Moms | Teens | Texas | Vagina | Posted 2008-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Talking to You, Mary Todd Lincoln
Tour guide: Be sure to stay with the group. The rats are very large and can sense weakness within the herd. (gives hard look to four old women)
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Advice | Animals | Default | Employees | Sensory experiences | Threats | Washington | Posted 2008-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Alice Looks Forward to Being Alternately Larger and Smaller
College girl holding two bottles to friend, dreamily: These pills are gonna make me a better person...
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: shay
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...6.0 on an Internatinal Figure-Skating Scale
Guy: I mean, she was a one on a binary scale, but...
Harvard University
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Lulia
Categories: Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Massachusetts | Science | Posted 2008-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Remember, "A Friend in Bed Is a Friend in Head"
Guy on cell: So, when are you coming back? You know, anytime you wanna come up here, you got a cock waiting for you.
Hoboken, New Jersey
Overheard by: Cris
Categories: Default | Guys | New Jersey | Offers and requests | On the phone | Penis | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Like Pinnochio's Nose
Woman #1: Well, you know, we're screwed either way. Whether Obama or that other guy with the lump on the side of his face wins.
Woman #2: McCain?
Woman #1: Yeah! I mean, he turns one way and it's just all... (uses hands to demonstrate) There! What the fuck is that?
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: kris.
Categories: Body parts | Default | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in PDX | Politics | Questions | Women | Posted 2008-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: He Came, I Didn't
Girl to friend: He said that I was his new BFF. "Best fuck forever"! I said that was sweet, and gave him a little kiss.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: TrixChix
Categories: California | Compliments | Default | Feelings | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Sex | Words | Posted 2008-12-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait 'Til She Realizes Drag Queens Have Better Legs Than She Does
20-something girl #1: Did you hear Dan and Jack are getting married?
20-something girl #2: But they're guys.
20-something girl #1: Yeah... guys who fell in love in college, have been together eight years, have never broken up once, and Dan proposed while they were in Paris.
20-something girl #2: Bitches! They stole my dream! See, this is why feminism sucks.
Silver Spring, Maryland
Categories: Default | Gender issues | Girls | Gripes | Maryland | Philosophy | Questions | Relationships | Sexuality | Posted 2008-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So That's What the Propeller Beanie Is About
Rowdy child in shopping cart: Mom! What's that?
Tired mom: Spam.
Rowdy child: Mom! Can we get it? Can we get it, mom? Mom? Can we? Mom!
Tired mom: No.
(rowdy child starts freaking out)
Tired mom: Okay! Fine, but will you eat it?
Rowdy child: Nope...I just like attention.
Sobey's
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: aleXis
That's When the Real Fun Begins
Frat boy to others: So you masturbate in a cup, right? Then you freeze it, and in the morning mix it with your protein powder.
George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: red
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Cum | Default | Food | Frat boy types | Masturbation | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight on MythBusterBusters
Man wearing 9/11 conspiracy t-shirt to friend: Did I tell you I'm working on debunking the discovery channel?
University of Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Vejewsbian
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Lies | Ohio | Questions | TV shows | Posted 2008-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mom Still Isn't Speaking to Me
Frat guy to others: I can't believe I puked all over her tits last night. I was so fucking drunk.
University District
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Yujin
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Frat boy types | Nipples | Sexuality | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Couldn't, So I Placed Blame on the Terrorists
Biochemistry lecturer, talking about his cholesterol issues: So I was trying to figure out how I could blame this on my wife.
University of Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: pink sunnies
Categories: Australia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Lies | Relationships | Teachers | Posted 2008-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Still Laugh About It
Guy to friend: So I said to him, "you wanna be a clown and you don't even know who fucking Bozo is?!"
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: phuqmonkey
Categories: Default | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Pop culture | Questions | San Francisco | Wishes | Posted 2008-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Leave It to the Ivy Leaguers to Really Get to the Crux of an Issue
Frat boy: That's all I want, a girl from, like, some poor village in southern Italy, doesn't speak a fuckin' *word* of English, and I can bring her home, and she can lie in my bed all day, and fuck me, and make me gnocci.
Plain blonde girl: Do you really like gnocci?
Yale Berkeley College Dining Hall
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Food | Frat boy types | Geography | Language barrier | Massachusetts | Questions | Relationships | Sorority types | Wishes | Posted 2008-12-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Hopefully I'd Remain This Saucy
Kid to mom: Mom, if you were Indian, I mean if we were from India and you were Indian, I bet you could teach me to cook some really yummy food.
Mom: Even if I were Indian, I would have to be someone completely different in order to be a good cook.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: jr.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Geography | Kids | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2008-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Miss the Old Grey Poupon Ad Campaign
Girl: You so should have tested it first.
Guy: I did! I used it on my ass the other day.
Girl: And it didn't burn?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: evan.
Wikipedia Always Leaves Out the Important Information
Guy: I just want to know how big his nipples are!
Revolution Cafe
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: crafty biotech
Categories: California | Default | Guys | Nipples | Questions | Restaurants | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If She Were a True Psychic, She Wouldn't Have Answered the Phone
(group of teen girls on field trip)
Bored niece: Hey! Let's call my aunt in California. She's a psychic. (dials phone) Hi, we are bored and thought we'd call and ask you psychic questions.
Bored niece's friend: Ask her what my stage name would be if I became a stripper.
Lake Atlanta Park
Rogers, Arkansas
Overheard by: Yes, I have shoes and all of my teeth.
Categories: Arkansas | Default | Family ties | Friends | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Names | Questions | Posted 2008-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are There No Orphanages?
Mother with baby to other son: You are being such a nuisance. Your brother is sitting with poopy pants because you refuse to leave.
Wilmington, Delaware
...the Kaaba Of All Television
Persian princess: That's why I really want to be into journalism. I think that being somewhere where there's, like, a tsunami or earthquake is really exciting to me...
Horny first date: Yeah, yeah...
Persian princess (breathy pause): I guess I just really want to work for MTV.
Santana Row
San Jose, California
Overheard by: Demitra
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Pop culture | Wishes | Posted 2008-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Someone's Always in the Kitchen With Dinah
TA on cell: No, I do not want to play "guess who's pregnant?" again.
University of Florida
Overheard by: nick
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Florida | Games | Offers and requests | On the phone | Pregnancy | Questions | Students | Posted 2008-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was a Freudian Nip
White dude with blond afro: You can't get mouth cancer from cigars.
Articulate college chick: Yeah, Sigmund Freud got mouth cancer from cigars.
White dude with blond afro: You want to know what else happened to him? He got bit by a tiger!
Monson, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Source of Her Confusion is That Her Ceiling is Covered with Postcards
Girl: Hey, how about this one? Have you heard the one about the ceiling?
Blonde: Um, no.
Girl: Oh, well never mind, it's *way* too over your head.
Blonde: No, tell me! I'm not that dumb!
Girl (shaking head): Never mind, you don't get it. Hmmm, what about the one about the postcard with no stamp? Oh, never mind, you wouldn't ever get it.
Blonde: Really, I think I could. Tell me, let me try!
Spring Grove, Pennsylvania
Chives Are the Respectable Republican Cloth Coat of Herbs
Customer: I'll have a large hot chocolate, a chocolate glazed donut, and a plain bagel with smoked salmon cream cheese on the side.
Drive-thru grunt: What did you say for the cream cheese on the side?
Customer: Smoked salmon.
Drive-thru grunt: Oh, we don't have that kind.
Customer: What kinds of cream cheese do you have?
Drive-thru grunt: We have chive. Chive is like smoked salmon.
Customer: Uh...yeah.
Bangor, Maine
Overheard by: just wanted a coffee
Categories: Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Employees | Food | Maine | Offers and requests | Restaurants | Posted 2008-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Bastard Sunk My Battleship
Girl on cell: I think the relationship really started going downhill when he took Western Australia from me.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Default | Feelings | Games | Girls | On the phone | Relationships | Washington | Posted 2008-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...While Making Waffles with the Other
Woman to man: I mean, you could have masturbated with one arm, come on.
UMass
Massachusetts
Categories: Body parts | Default | Massachusetts | Masturbation | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Not My Thing
Upset 20-something girl: I don't like things where things are things inside of things!
Drexel University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Zywiec
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Girls | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Michael Encounters Darth Tater
Girl to friends, walking through produce section: I have never felt so threatened by produce in all my life.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: laurel.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Overheard in Minneapolis | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does It Make a Sound?
Security guard: What do you do with a mailbox? You throw it in the middle of the woods!
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Elaine
Only If Mom Stops Using the Cucumber For...You Know.
Father to four-year-old: Stop spanking the eggplant!
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Kay
A Portrait of the Archaeologist as a Young Boy
Boy in restroom: Mommy, what's this box for?
Mom: Oh, that's for...Kleenex.
(squeaking sound as boy opens sanitary napkin disposal box)
Boy: Well, then mommy, what's this?
Mom: That's not for little boys! Ew!
Moncton
Canadia
I Just Hadn't Met the Right Transsexual
Store clerk: Oh yeah, karaoke. I used to be totally into that shit back when I was gay.
The Video Underground
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sam
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Massachusetts | Memory lane | Music | Sexuality | Stores | Posted 2008-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eh, I'm Joining the Marines Next Year, Anyway
Guy #1: We had to read Catcher in the Rye and Uncle Tom's Cabin last year! It was ridiculous!
Guy #2: Aren't they the same story?
Fauquier High
Warrenton, Virginia
Overheard by:
It's Also the Default Setting in Missouri
Guy #1, walking into beer garden: What does "drunk in public" mean exactly?
Guy #2: I think it's kind of self-explanatory.
Columbia, Missouri
For a Little Vienna Sausage
Teenage girl: It's like every time we get close he backs out. I can't help to think it has something to do with his penis size.
Friend: Next time just throw him over your shoulder and take him back to the cave.
Santee, California
Overheard by: Story of my life
They Keep a Lot on the Down Low
Guy: I have a lot of respect for icebergs. They're not trying to show off or anything.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by: aylmer
You Have My Chalice in Your Purse!
College guy fighting with his girlfriend: What? Do you want me to tell you that my ex-girlfriend treated me like a Greek god? 'cause she did.
(girlfriend storms up the street)
College guy: Wait, uh, come back!
Burlington, Vermont
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Frat boy types | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Vermont | Posted 2008-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Original Line at the End Of Gone with the Wind
Girl #1: I'm having the worst day today.
Girl #2: Yeah, it's a good thing I had sex yesterday. Otherwise, today would just be hell.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Gripes | Sex | Washington | Posted 2008-12-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to Sister Mary Bernice
Drunk girl: You only get pregnant if you want to.
Ohio
Turns Ordinary Clothes Into an Ensemble
Gay man on cell in big crowd: Where are you? I'm wearing a gray sweater, a black jacket, and a faggy scarf. A really faggy fag scarf.
Nuit Blanche
Toronto
Canadia
Guess What Peewee's Word Of the Day Is
College professor: Are you mocking my forest? My forest could kick your forest's butt any day. Bring your forest on!
(later)
College professor: I can see my forest from the window in my office. Do you have an office you can see your forest from?
Keuka College
New York
Overheard by: Rachel Bz.
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | New York | Questions | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Demand Unlimited Loaves and Fishes in Recompense
Random smoker at party: If Jesus cockblocks me one more time, I am going to find where he lives!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Claire
I Call It Froast!
Professor: I invent things too! My great invention is this toast, and you make it in a toaster, and then you stick it in the freezer. And, like, when you want toast, you just put it back in the toaster...
Students: (confused silence)
Professor: Man, no one understands me! (stomps out)
SUNY
Geneseo, New York
Overheard by: Jeni
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Gripes | New York | Students | Teachers | Technology | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Anyway, Welcome to Cougar Lit 101
Female English professor on the first day of class: So tell me as much about me as you can by my appearance. What kind of person do you think I am?
Student: I think you were probably a wild teenager. You've got a tattoo and a tongue piercing.
Female English professor (chuckling): I've got more tattoos and piercings than you care to know about.
Community College
Elizabethtown, Kentucky
Overheard by: Chelsea
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Kentucky | Offers and requests | Questions | Students | Stupidity | Tattoos | Teachers | Posted 2008-12-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We'll Be Departing Just As Soon As These Pills Wear Off
Pilot over loudspeaker (riffing on harmonica): This is your captain speaking, (harmonica riff) Welcome aboard, (harmonica riff) Please fasten your seat belts. (harmonica riff) Or we won't be able to leave beautiful Atlanta, Georgia.
(does long, jazzy harmonica riff. Passengers applaud)
Pilot (in Elvis voice): Thank you very much.
American Airlines Flight
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Airports & flights | Default | Georgia | Music | Nipples | Offers and requests | Pilots | Public Transportation | Posted 2008-12-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Why I'm Taking This Class
Cute, innocent-looking college girl on cell: And, well, I guess I just don't think I know enough about porn to make a well-informed decision!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Categories: Default | Feelings | Michigan | On the phone | Porn | Sorority types | Posted 2008-12-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Love Aluminum Foil
Guy to girl: Actually, no. I personally hate the idea of having a plastic trash bag on my cock.
Stow, Ohio
Overheard by: d
See the Truth in the Morning and Die Happy That Night
Old man in hospital bed, to family: I've said it once, and I'll say it again. Tigers are the sharks of the land!
Poughkeepsie, New York
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | New York | Old folks | Philosophy | Posted 2008-12-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now He'll Turn This Into a Song and Record It in Eight Languages
Woman (talking on the phone about a friend): She's happy as a clam since she had her uterus removed...
Husband (in the background): Happy as a clam without a uterus.
Woman: (glaring at him, keeps talking)
Husband: Happy as a clam without a uterus!
Dresden, New York
Overheard by: Rachel Bz.
Next Time You Should Totally Come With Me!
Sorority girl on cell: I was so horny and swallowing back puke...it was like I was a freshman all over again.
Tuscon, Arizona
Overheard by: DoingTooMuch
Categories: Arizona | Default | Memory lane | On the phone | Sexuality | Sorority types | Posted 2008-12-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...If That's the Word I Want
Guy #1: That is awesome! Awesome!
Guy #2: Yeah, it would be cool, until you got ectoplasm everywhere.
Concordia University
River Forest, Illinois
Overheard by: That would be messy.
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Guys | Illinois | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-12-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But, Then, Who Would?
Guy talking about Belgium: They probably would not speak weasel with their Flemish brothers.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: i think i missed something
Categories: Default | Family ties | Geography | Guys | Illinois | Language barrier | Posted 2008-12-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's See If She'll Be Trying with You After This
Cute chick in line: Oh! I want Haribo gummi bears! I need a snack to study effectively. There are lots of things I don't do effectively without snacking.
Boyfriend: Maybe you should try snacking next time we have sex. You know, maybe a little popcorn...a candy bar...
Cute chick: Are you saying my sex isn't effective? Well, maybe there won't be a next time.
Boyfriend: You know, you're not responding very well to constructive criticism. The solution is to keep trying, not to give up.
CVS
University City, Philadelphia
Overheard by: justtryingtowaitinline
They're the Only Living Species of the Family Struthionidae. True Story
Hobo: Excuse me, miss. Can you tell me something about ostriches?
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Jonesy
Categories: Birds | Default | Hobos | Offers and requests | Questions | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-12-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Shit?
Teen girl: Being around you makes me want to talk about my bowel movements.
La Capilla
Torrance, California
Overheard by: J-dawg.
Categories: Body parts | California | Default | Feelings | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Teens | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And Then There's the Restrictitude of the Thong
Professor: So, first of all, there's the gigantitude of the bong...
North Central Michigan College
Overheard by: Maggie
No Wonder King Cole Isn't a Merry Old Soul Anymore
Preppy college girl to friend: She was the girl who would go down on him while lighting his bowl. She was the perfect girl for him. It's too bad she went crazy, they would have been so happy together!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: burrhead.
Categories: BJs | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Minneapolis | Preppies | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Okay, See Ya Later!
Porn-'stached scuzzball: I mean, if you ever, like, masturbated, you'd know that smell.
Robinson, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: And I Go To College With You??
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Guys | Masturbation | Pennsylvania | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The David's U.S. Tour Got Everyone Excited
Dude #1: What are you doing this weekend?
Dude #2: Well, I know I'm going to see at least one more naked person this weekend than usual.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Leisure | New York | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Dagger Of Drip! A Saber of Soggy!
Little boy running inside out of a rainstorm: I am a sword of wetness!
First United Methodist Church
Pittsburg, Kansas
The Butterball Turkey Hotline Gets Flooded With Calls During the Holidays
Parking lot attendant on phone: Whenever I try to do that my nipples just get really stretched out.
Chapel Hill
University of North Carolina
Categories: Default | Employees | Nipples | North Carolina | On the phone | Posted 2008-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eh, My Sister Does the Same Thing
Biology professor: And don't play frisbee with a beluga whale. They've been known to masturbate with them.
University of Mississippi
Categories: Advice | Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Masturbation | Mississippi | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Promise Not to Look at Joan Rivers from Now On
20-something guy: Why are you so concerned about this?
20-something girl: No, seriously. It will split your corneas in half.
20-something guy: Wow, I hadn't thought about that.
St. Paul, Minnesota
I Need a Designated Thinker
Girl on cell: It's not that I don't want to get wasted. I want to get wasted. I just don't want to get fucked up, you know? So I'm not really sure what to do.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I have that dilemma often
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Wishes | Posted 2008-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'll Totally Buy the Kid Tap Shoes
Slightly effeminate black man on cell: Uh-uh, child. If you're pregnant, that ain't my child. You got to talk to my brother.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Black people | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Offspring | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pregnancy | Queers | Posted 2008-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Scream, "Holy Shit!"
Blond Christian girl #1: So, like, what if like when Jesus comes, you're in the bathroom? Like, what do you do?
Blond Christian girl #2: Oh, wow...that would suck.
Dallas, Texas
Only Metaphysically.
Student: Isn't all truth metaphysical by this standard?
Law professor: Are you stoned?
UC Hastings
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Loving this
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drugs | Philosophy | Questions | San Francisco | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Myth Won't Even Let Him Buy It a Drink
Professor: We know CS Lewis likes myth. We know Lewis loves myth. We know he wants myth's babies.
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Jessica
Christmas Is Rapidly Approaching, and I Need a Present for My Wife
Biology professor: So how would you go about getting two and a half humps on a camel? It's very important, we need to do that.
Memorial University
St. John's, Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
Categories: Animals | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Offers and requests | Questions | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Some Reason, They Never Had Vanilla
Mr. Hon, hanging on car door: Hon! Tell mom here exactly where that swingers' club is, that I took you to on your birthday.
(wife says something unintelligible as she walks down path towards car)
Mom, sitting in car: Oh! That's where I used to buy ice cream when I was a little kid!
Public Pond
Kettering, Ohio
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Guys | Memory lane | Moms | Offers and requests | Ohio | Sexuality | Posted 2008-12-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes Over the Intercom at Work, Just for Fun, But That's It.
Girl in skirt: And so she was just sitting in the stall on her phone when I went in! She was having a normal volume conversation.
Girl in pants: Ewww. What did you do?
Girl in skirt: I mean, I peed. But reluctantly. It's not like I want to broadcast my bodily functions to everyone, you know? (pause) I mean I'm broadcasting them to you right now, but not over the phone.
Girl in pants: Right. Totally.
Rockville Pike, Maryland
This Physics Project Is Gonna Get Us an "A" for Sure!
College guy #1: My penis is getting stronger!
College guy #2: What does that even mean? How do you know?
College guy #1: Cuz I can pee past the bushes now, and for a while I couldn't.
College guy #2: Niiiice!
(they high five)
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: a lil.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Frat boy types | Happiness | Overheard in Minneapolis | Penis | Pride | Posted 2008-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Know What You Did Last Sundae Was an Instant Box Office Smash
Little girl: I don't want ice cream, daddy. Know why, daddy? (in a demonic voice) Because it's evil!
Grinnell, Iowa
Overheard by: Jake
Larry's Unusually Susceptible to Food Porn
Guy #1: Dude, I gotta tell you about this lemon coffee cake.
Guy #2: I said no!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: oh geeze.
Categories: Default | Food | Guys | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Wishes | Posted 2008-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yadda Yadda Yadda, It's Really Hard to Get Blood Out Of Linoleum
Professor on cell: And two students speak at the same time, completely disagreeing with each other. So I just shout "fight!"
University of Oregon
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Offers and requests | On the phone | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Should Put the Top Up in the Boxster, Though
(it is raining extremely hard outside)
Gay guy #1: So wet. Whatever, I guess we can make this look work.
Gay guy #2: We totally can.
Outside Macy's
Burlington, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Emma W.
Categories: Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Fashion | Massachusetts | Queers | Stores | Weather | Posted 2008-12-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At The Same Time?
Tween to friends: Imagine if Hitler gave everybody hugs!
Baltimore, MD
Why Rachel Loses Every Potato-Sack Race
Underage girl: I don't close my legs. (more defiantly) I won't.
Norman Regional Hospital
Norman, Oklahoma
The Next Fox Game Show
Mother: Do you want to go poop on mommy's floor, or make in the potty?
Two-year-old: The potty!
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: meg
Categories: Default | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Poop | Questions | Posted 2008-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Joking in Florida Is Always Risky
Lost mother with child to employee: Excuse me, sir? Where can I find the exit?
Employee (bluntly): Um, you have to buy something before you can leave.
Lost mother with child: (blank stare)
Sam Ash
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stole something instead
Nah, They Know the Pecking Order
Bookseller to pregnant coworker: Aren't you worried there will be jealousy between the chickens and your unborn child?
Barnes & Noble
Augusta, Maine
Overheard by: Just browsing
Nature: 2 Nurture: 0
Teen Boy Scout (after narrowly avoiding tripping): And that's why I'm so good at swing dancing. I have hips like an angel.
Amtrack
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Duckie
Categories: Body parts | Bragging | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Dancing | Default | Illinois | Pride | Teens | Posted 2008-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Glue, Duh
Girl to guy: What's so safe and innocent about my lips glued to your penis?
Cleveland Heights, Ohio
Overheard by: Spence
Remember What Happened to Your Sister the S'more?
Six-year-old boy: Mom! I want a cookie.
Mom: If you don't start behaving you're going to turn into a deep-fried boy on a stick at the state fair.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Way to Ruin the Moment
Middle-aged woman: My wedding ring from my first marriage has new meaning now.
Friend: What's that?
Middle-aged woman: When I lost all that weight and it didn't fit anymore, I took it as a sign to divorce the bastard and marry Jesus Christ.
Friend: Why don't you just wear it on your toe instead?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: good lord.
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Default | Feelings | Friends | Jesus | Overheard in Minneapolis | Relationships | Women | Posted 2008-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Totally!
Brunette girl: So like, if I had a mustache, would you tell me?
Tall blonde friend: Of course, would you tell me?
Brunette: Totally.
Tall blonde: I totally have a mustache?!
Brunette: No, no, no...I would totally tell you if you did, but you don't!
Tall blonde: Oh, okay.
(several seconds pass, they sip drinks)
Tall blonde: So we're having topless sleepover at my place tonight, right?
Red Maple
Baltimore, Maryland
Categories: Default | Girls | Hair | Maryland | Nipples | Offers and requests | Questions | Restaurants | Sexuality | Stupidity | Posted 2008-12-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Unfamiliar With That Game
Preschool boy: Can I play with you?
Preschool girl: Come near me and I'll stab you.
Playground
New South Wales
Australia
Overheard by: courtney
...And I Knew I Was in Love
Hipster on cell: And then she started talking about trouser gravy...
Mesa College
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Tish
Categories: California | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Cum | Default | Hipsters | On the phone | Words | Posted 2008-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wow, Virginia Really Is for Lovers
Girl #1: You look like you had a wild weekend!
Girl #2: Yeah, I'm so sore I can barely walk...
Girl #1: So who all was there?
Girl #2: Oh, you know: Dillon, Chad, Mike, my dad, my mom...
University of Virginia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | Girls | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Together We Could Rule the World!
Pretty teenage girl #1: Why do all the geeks like me?
Pretty teenage girl #2: Why do all the alcoholic German boarders like me?
Boca Raton Mall
Florida
I've Never Felt So Alive!
Male professor, in a very girly voice: Aaaahhh! I'm being trampled by sea horses.
UMass
Amherst, Massachusetts
When the Legal Limit Is More Like 75
Woman exiting ladies' bathroom: It smells like a hundred men showered in there!
Humboldt
Saskatchewan
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Gender issues | Restroom | Sensory experiences | Women | Posted 2008-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Burroing in for the Winter
Women in heels on cell: What? You had sex with a junkie? A junkie? (pause) Oh, a *donkey*. I see. (pause) So I guess you were drunk.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: walking & talking
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Massachusetts | On the phone | Questions | Sex | Women | Words | Posted 2008-12-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whereas the Middle Ages Were More Like Getting Ear-Fucked Repeatedly
Girl on train helping her friend study: Think of a baby crawling back into the vagina and popping out again. That's the renaissance.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Sitting in front of them for an hour on the train
Like People in Kansas Don't Drink Wine
Ghetto black chick: People in Europe don't eat nachos.
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: D-One
Categories: Black people | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Geography | Girls | Missouri | Posted 2008-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Besides, Your Rendition of "Gettin' Juggy With It" Was Not an Appropriate Oral Report
Sociology professor: It takes a sociologist to take the fun out of jugs--but it's a living.
University of Montevallo
Montevallo, Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Colleges & Universities | Default | Jobs & Careers | Nipples | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Beginning to Regret Letting You Steal Me from That Playground
Four-year old: But I want to go in there!
Frazzled mother: No! Let's go, we have to get home.
Four-year old (crying): You aren't the right mother for me!
Berlin
Germany
Little Frasier and Niles Were Quite the Handful
Teen boy: (glares at brother, bites thumb)
Younger brother: Mom! He's non-verbally quoting Shakespeare at me again!
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
Could I Borrow Your Pigtail for a Sec?
Strange, awkward tall guy, putting down a math magazine: I noticed that you didn't finish your pretzel cheese.
Girl across the table doing homework (mystified): No, I guess I didn't.
Strange, awkward tall guy: I was going to ask for it, but then I realized I don't have anything to dip in it.
Wausau, Wisconsin
Overheard by: It was a small pretzel
I'm Like, "Look at All These Dishes-- What's Your Problem?"
Drunk 40-year-old dude #1, standing in line for the bathroom: Well, there are four sinks. We only need two with the number of people I've seen wash their hands.
Drunk 40-year-old dude #2: Yeah. There was this one time I was peeing in the sink at home, and my wife walked in. She was pissed. Good times.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: slight overshare
Categories: Default | Feelings | Guys | Memory lane | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Relationships | Restroom | Posted 2008-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Today, Make Jesus Your Main Squeeze
Pastor, during sermon: You never know what's gonna come outta somethin' till you squeeze it.
Methodist Church
Port Norris, New Jersey
Overheard by: stunned organist
Categories: Default | New Jersey | Religious fanatics | Words | Posted 2008-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was Tired
Girl #1: Oh my gosh, it was so awkward. I was so tired yesterday, I walked in my room and my roommate was totally having sex with a random guy.
Girl #2: Oh god, what did you do?
Girl #1: What do you mean? I took a nap.
American University
Washington, DC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Questions | Sexuality | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Who You Are, Really
Student librarian on cell: Hey...who is this? Bill from architecture? Well, yeah, I remember writing my name on your arm, but I like don't remember why.
Music Library, Catholic University
Washington, DC
Overheard by: So much for quiet in the library...
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Memory lane | Names | On the phone | Questions | Students | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So You'd Just Have to Be Careful About Static Shock
Pretty girl: So, do you like anyone right now?
Serious guy: Eva Mendes, but she lives far away.
Pretty girl: She's hairy.
Serious guy: Yeah, I kinda noticed that.
Pretty girl (in acknowledgment): Yeah.
Serious guy (in agreement): Yeah.
El Paso, Texas
And We Were All Like, "Fine, But Guess What Happened on Gossip Girl!"
Girl, to friends: So then she e-mailed us all, and she was like, "We just ate an African baby!"
Memorial University
St. John's
Newfoundland, Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
I Don't Have to Protect the Fantasy of Your Desirability
Short-haired college girl to guy friend: So, is it okay if I fart in front of you?
Guy friend (pause): Well, you're gay, right? Then I guess it's okay.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: a. Lil.
Categories: Burping & farting | Default | Etiquette | Frat boy types | Friends | Girls | Guys | Lesbos | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Relationships | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But She Wanted Me to Go Tornado Bicycling With Her!
Guy to friend in a bar, after woman suddenly departed: What happened? Where'd she go?
Friend: I'm pretty sure she left. She kept on telling me she has no self-esteem at all and that she has a huge nose. So I just told her, "look, you really don't have a huge nose--you just have a Wicked Witch of the West nose."
Guy: Fuck. Why do I even bother trying to fix you up with my friends?
Franco's Bar
Highland, Indiana
He Left, While Singing, "Everybody Was Kung Pao Fighting..."
Guy on phone: Yo, g, I'm gonna go out to the club and get me some Pad Thai chicken. Hell yeah, you know what I'm talking about. K, peace.
Paralegal: What the fuck? Why Pad Thai? Why not Kung Pao?
Guy: Cause I don't want all that attitude up in my chicken. I want my chicken to sit down and shut the fuck up!
Paralegal: Get out of my office.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Food | Girls | Guys | Illinois | Offers and requests | On the phone | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2008-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Have To Come Clean. He Did
Soccer girl: God, it's like Aristotle took a shit on you!
Friend: I know, right?
Memorial University
St. John's, Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Girls | Philosophy | Poop | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Play-Doh, If Eaten, Can Become Poop
Mom to four-year-old's horrified babysitter: Poop is not play-doh. That's the lesson we learned today.
Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Kids | Moms | Pennsylvania | Poop | Toys | Posted 2008-12-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What Grrrl Power Means
Girl #1: I have to gloat a little. Who's the perv now, bitches?
Girl #2: Still us.
Girl #1: Well, duh, still us. But now them, too!
Girl #2: Totally.
Maynard, Massachusetts
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Insults | Massachusetts | Questions | Posted 2008-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are Hamburgers Still Okay?
Student: Dogs belong on leashes, not...inside you!
University of Maryland
Overheard by: MD
Then Ask Him How Much He'll Pay to Adopt You
Harried mom to adorable eight-year-old girl: You just ask a policeman. Next time you see a policeman you ask him, "Is it illegal for me to sleep in my mommy's car?"
Toronto
Canadia
No
Happy hour drinker: My menstruation looks like meat. Is that normal?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: no, good heavens no!
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Gender issues | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Have Them Washed and Brought to My Tent
Girl, joking: I love when girls are walking around drunk with eye makeup smeared around their faces.
Guy: Yeah, those are the ones I try to take home.
Girl: What?
Guy: Do you really think I go around looking for girls with good personalities?
Iowa City, Iowa
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Fashion | Girls | Guys | Iowa | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Technically, I Don't Even Think I'm in That Class
Girl #1: And everyone was like, "What? This isn't what was on the study sheet! This test is unfair! We're so confused!"
Girl #2: Oh, wow. Were you confused, too?
Girl #1: No, I didn't look at the study sheet. I went downstairs and drank a bottle of wine with you.
Saint Joseph's University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Education | Girls | Gripes | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2008-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even When You've Got Steak at Home, Sometimes You Go Out for a Cheeseburger
Classics professor: Yeah, Zeus liked to turn into animals in order to get some. Hey, I just study it; I don't justify it.
Memorial University
St. John's, Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
Categories: Animals | Books | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Religion | Sexuality | Teachers | Posted 2008-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Lot Of People Were Misinformed About the McCain/Palin Ticket
20-something #1: So are they good for each other?
20-something #2: Yeah, you know, he's all wacky-o and she's like a scientist.
20-something #1: Oh, I see.
Thunder Bay
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2008-12-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because I Sure Do, As Those of You Who Are My Facebook Friends Know
Physics professor: What do you do to amuse yourselves? You don't play with yourselves?
Guelph
Canadia
But I Love It As a Band Name
Jock in business attire #1: Islamic golf carts.
Jock in business attire #2: Sick, dude. Sick.
Georgetown University
Washington, DC
Overheard by: taylor
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Geography | Jocks | Religion | Suits | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Posted 2008-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is What I Tell Myself Every Night, Cold and Alone in Bed
American physics lecturer: There's no shame in being fond of Star Trek.
University of Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Feelings | New Zealand | TV shows | Teachers | Posted 2008-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Toaster Strudel Is My Religion
40-something tourist woman: But is it beneficial for your toaster?
40-something tourist woman #2: Umm...do I really have to answer that?
Underground Mall
Montreal, Canadia
Overheard by: Yes, yes you do.
Categories: Canadia | Default | Food | Malls | Offers and requests | Questions | Technology | Tourists | Women | Posted 2008-12-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Puppy: Hey, I May Be Dinner-- Cut Me Some Slack
Middle aged tourist with shopping bags moving towards a small puppy: Well, my oh my, aren't you the sweetest looking thing in the world!
Puppy: (barks)
Middle aged tourist: Oh, go fuck yourself!
Bangkok
Thailand
Overheard by: Adair
It Can Be a Lot Of Fun If You Tap Dance During All the Court Proceedings
Guy, to girl: Why don't you like to get divorced?
Ottawa
Canadia