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November 2008 Archives
But at Least I'm Passing His Biology Class This Time
Preppy girl on cell: Yeah. He just got out of jail and he's hitting on me again.
Salem Community High School
Salem, Illinois
Overheard by: LiLlistna
Categories: Crimes | Girls | Illinois | On the phone | Preppies | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Threats | Posted 2008-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...How's That for a Birthday Card?
Tough guy who waxes his eyebrows: Yeah, my old girlfriend was smart. She didn't let me take any pictures or videotape her while we were fucking. This new chick...if she's ever famous, I'm rich!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Money | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everyone Laughed at Wendy Until Her Fast-Food Franchise Took Off
Pigtailed four-year-old girl to couple behind at checkout: Do you know me? Do you?
Tired mother: Hush, honey. They don't know you.
Pigtailed four-year-old girl: Well, they should! Know me! Don't forget me.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that girl is going to be famous
Categories: Default | Girls | Kids | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who We Are As Kids Is Who We Are in Life
Friend #1: Do you remember when we were little and I used to show the neighbor's boys my boobs so they'd give me candy? Bet you're glad I stopped doing that!
Friend #2: What are you talking about? The only thing that's changed is your form of payment! You just finished telling everyone not two minutes ago how last week you won $200 on amateur's night when you went to the strip club with the guys!
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Categories: Candy | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Memory lane | Money | Nipples | Offers and requests | Sexuality | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Said I Could Have Whatever I Wanted for My Bar Mitzvah
Teenage boy to father: I've been talking to a Thai lady on the internet and, I'll bring her to New Zealand for only $50,000!
Father: Is she genuine?
Teenage boy: Genuine Thai lady-boy!
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Tessa
Categories: Dads | Default | Gender issues | Geography | Guys | Internet | Money | New Zealand | Offers and requests | Questions | Sexuality | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is How the Girl Scouts Get Away with It
Professor: Nobody thinks they're eating brains!
Arizona State University
Overheard by: Mallory
Categories: Arizona | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Food | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mr. Sandman, Bring Me a Dream/ Send Me a Girl Who Wants to Get Reamed
Girl: So I had a realistic dream last night.
Guy (uninterested): Uh-huh.
Girl: I had anal sex in the dream. But I've never had anal sex before. But it seemed realistic.
Guy (uninterested): Hmm.
Girl: So now I need to have anal sex to see if it was like in my dream.
Guy (suddenly interested): Yeah?
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: Sarah
His Farts Are Delicately Scented With Botanicals
Guy to girl: So you heard about Dave, right? His girlfriend broke up with him last night. He got completely wasted and tried to kill himself by drinking a bottle of shampoo.
Girl: Oh my god! Is he okay?
Guy: Yeah, turns out you cant kill yourself by drinking shampoo. We're calling him "bubbles" now. He'll never live this down.
Lockport, New York
Overheard by: evan
A Valid Alternate Plan.
Mother: What time do you need to get up tomorrow?
Teen daughter: 8.30.
Mother: Well, I'm going to be leaving a little before that.
Teen daughter, offhandedly: "Wake me up/before you go-go."
Mother: I will kill you.
Aurora, Colorado
That, or the Patriot Act
Dirty hobo (screaming): Does anyone have any popcorn on this fucking train? (glares because no one answers) That's what's fucked up with his country, no one will give you any fucking popcorn!
BART Train
San Francisco, California
Categories: Crazies | Default | Food | Hobos | Mental illnesses | Offers and requests | Politics | Questions | San Francisco | Train | Posted 2008-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Life's a Privilege, Not a Right
Mom: Then I'd have to kill you.
Daughter: Why?
Mom: Because that's my job as a mother.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: glad I'm not her daughter
Children Raised on Judge Judy Have a Unique Set of Problems
Six-year-old #1: I'm taking you to court!
Six-year-old #2: No you're not!
Six-year-old #1: I'm taking you to court!
Six-year-old #2: No you're not!
Six-year-old #1: You're in court!
Six-year-old #2: No I'm not!
Six-year-old #1: You're in court now!
Six-year-old #2: (begins to cry)
Small Town
Maine
Overheard by: Willem Rosenthal
Wasn't Much of a Game for the Other Guy, If You Follow Me
Guy (looking around suspiciously): Yeah, well, it was a couple baseball bats really. Let's just say I was really in the game last night, so to speak.
Beachwood Place Mall
Beachwood, Ohio
Overheard by: Just Buying Votives, Sir
Two Great Tastes That Taste HorribleTogether
Seventeen-year-old girl to boyfriend: You can't do anything right! I send you in there to buy me some porn and you come out with hermaphrodites? It's called Real Chicks with Real Dicks, for fuck's sake.
Boyfriend (in thick accent): I'm sorry... My english...it is not too good. I saw chicks, I saw dicks...I just grabbed it.
Manchester, New Hampshire
Overheard by: taylor
Categories: Couples | Default | Girls | Guys | New Hampshire | Offers and requests | Porn | Sexuality | Teens | Words | Posted 2008-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Only There Were Some Way to Limit How Many Can Register
Professor #1: Trying to crowd thirty-two students into a space meant for sixteen just isn't working.
Professor #2: Oh, really?
Professor #1: Is it at all possible to have the room reassigned without wading through the bureaucracy?
Professor #2: No, and that's why I always assign the thickest and most difficult readings in the first two weeks.
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Coworkers | Default | Education | Gripes | Offers and requests | Overheard at York | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2008-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As You'd Know If You Ever Watched TV With Me
Two-year-old: Waaaaah!
White trash mom: You want mommy to push your stroller?
Two-year-old: Waaaaah!
White trash dad: You wanna go ten feet under?!
White trash mom: Honey, it's six feet.
Sears
Nashua, New Hampshire
Overheard by: jefe
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Death & dying | Default | Kids | Kids | Moms | Murder | New Hampshire | Offers and requests | Parenting | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You and Your Wily Little Electrolytes!
Flamboyant male: Fuck you, Gatorade! Fuck you!
SUNY Purchase
New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Insults | New York | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Damn Third Commandment Always Trips Me Up
Good Catholic schoolboy to friend who just recited a really long prayer: Good job! You only missed one word. This one can be really hard and you almost got it perfect.
Bad Catholic schoolboy: God dammit! Jesus Christ, I'm never gonna get this bullshit memorized!
Goretti-Neumann High
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: lora
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Education | Etiquette | Friends | Guys | Insults | Pennsylvania | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Words | Posted 2008-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tuesday's Dingleberry-Pulling Day
Very large gross woman: So, I'm gonna need a serious douching when I get home.
Friend: It's Tuesday.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: threw up in his mouth
Categories: Default | Douching | Friends | Overheard in Minneapolis | Time Management | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Stop Pulling the Pork!
(five-year-old boy is slapping and punching packages of beef and pork)
Father: Josh! Stop slapping the meat.
Bystander: (laughs out loud)
Father (hissing): No! Not that!
Safeway
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: TK
Categories: Bartenders | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Kids | Offers and requests | Words | Posted 2008-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thank Goodness I Had That Removed
Professor: So a nasal quality of voice would be--you all know who Fran Drescher is, right?
Emo kid: She hurts my soul.
Memorial University, St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
Categories: About celebrities | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Sensory experiences | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Get Into My Van, and We'll Discuss It There
Single mom to four-year-old son: Will you just stop being a cupcake and go ask him?
Four-year-old (sighing, then approaching a man nearby): Excuse me? Do you think my mom is pretty?
Manchester, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Taylor
Categories: Beauty | Default | Family ties | Guys | Kids | Kids | Moms | New Hampshire | Offers and requests | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Provided You All with Maps to Denny's and the Free Clinic
Professor: Okay, so everyone get your papers out. If you don't have your papers here with you then you can just leave. (class mumbles in disgust) That's right, take the walk of shame. Like you just got laid at a frat party, take the walk of shame.
Miami University
Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Feelings | Florida | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I Put Down My Whip and Hugged Her
Attractive passerby: And then she was all like, "my parents would never press charges against you." And I was so touched...
Houston, Texas
Categories: Crimes | Default | Family ties | Feelings | Relationships | Strangers | Texas | Posted 2008-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But, Like Gas, Less Expensive If You Pump It Yourself
Girl #1: I can just ask Jay if I can borrow his truck.
Girl #2: Do you ever give him gas money?
Girl #1: No, I give him sex.
Girl #2: But gas is expensive...
Girl #1: And sex is expensive if you have to pay for it.
North Bay
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Money | Offers and requests | Sex | Posted 2008-11-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
DeadSpace!
Friend #1: God! Old people get so pissy when they don't get their obituaries on time.
Friend #2: Why?
Friend #1: Because they want to know which of their friends has died that week.
Friend #2: Oh, so it's like Facebook for the elderly!
Memorial Hospital
Sudbury
Ontario, Canadia
Overheard by: Dani
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Feelings | Friends | Internet | Posted 2008-11-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Hippies So Often Make Millions... Oh, Wait
Hippie, addressing group: If you can get you guitar to play music at the same frequency as telepathy, you'll make millions!
Portland, Oregon
Why Stella Never Got Her Groove Back
Mother heading into Victoria's Secret with five-year-old son: And this time, don't touch anything!
University Mall
Burlington, Vermont
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Kids | Malls | Moms | Offers and requests | Vermont | Posted 2008-11-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Everyone Hates Them, Why Do They Still Exist?
Acting professor: He was a mime...son of a bitch! He and his wife were both mimes. Mimes! Mimes! Mimes!
Point Park University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Insults | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Teachers | Posted 2008-11-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bottom Line: We're Having Six More Weeks of Winter
Girl to friends trying to eat lunch: And then all of a sudden his penis started groundhoging!
Friends: (blank stare)
Franklin Dining Hall, UMass
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Cate
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Massachusetts | Penis | Sexuality | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-11-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Keebler Elves Say They Need the Yeast
Drunk girl to drunk friend: Unless you live in my vagina, you wouldn't know!
Springfield, Illinois
Overheard by: Random Bar Guy
Some of You Will Get Fingered in the Front, and Some Will Get Fingered in the Back
Prof: I tend to walk around, so the students at the back of the class are just as likely to get fingered for a question as the ones at the front.
University of Guelph
Canadia
Overheard by: scared student
It's the Only Possible Motivation to Teach at a Texas Public School?
Teacher: I got a question for you guys... If you're flying at 50,000 feet and the left rear tire falls off your canoe, how many pancakes does it take to cover a doghouse and why?
Students: What the fuck?
Teacher: Clearly, the answer is 7, cause ice cream has no bones!
Student #1: Why do they keep giving us teachers on crack?
Student #2: I dunno, man. I dunno...
Inside Freshman Classroom
El Paso, Texas
Please Join Mr. Morse and Mr. Braille in the Office
Woman over intercom: Attention, there is an emergency in the ladies' room. There are no more paper towels.
(customers in super long line snicker)
Man on intercom (a minute or two later): Attention Mr. Dewey, we have an emergency in the office. Nobody can understand your decimal system.
Trader Joe's
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Hungry
Categories: Coworkers | Default | Employees | Guys | Offers and requests | Office politics | Stores | Washington, DC | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dad's a Committed Mythical Traditionalist
Little girl: So when do we get to see the unicorns?
Dad: There don't have any. Unicorns aren't real.
Little girl: Even African unicorns?
Dad: No, they don't exist either. And even if there were real unicorns, they'd probably be from Europe.
Zoo
Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: mel
Why "Family Vacation" Will Always Be an Oxymoron
Toddler to older sister: The pencil! Pencil! Look! (screaming) Looooook!
Teenage sister: That's the Washington Monument.
Toddler: Noooooo! It'll kill us! (sobbing uncontrollably) Kiiiillll! (continues sobbing)
National Mall
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Meaggoo
Long Story Short, We Got Toys, Motherfucker!
Acting professor: We just tweaked a few things to make it Christmassy and kidnapped Santa.
Point Park University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
Categories: Christianity | Colleges & Universities | Crimes | Default | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Boys: I'm Keeping It in My Pants Now, Thanks Anyway
High school girl #1: I'm so glad I only have one baby daddy. I feel sorry for those girls with more than one! You've gotta figure out who has money and who doesn't.
High school girl #2: That is so true!
Grocery Store
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Just doing my grocery shopping
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Money | Relationships | Stores | Teens | Texas | Posted 2008-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unlike All Those Low-Budget Canadian Bridges
Canadian tourist girl #1: Wow! That's such a cool bridge!
Canadian tourist girl #2: Wow! It totally goes all the way across the river!
Millenium Bridge
London, England
Overheard by: Michael Oakes
A New Direction in Québec's Quest for Independence
Man: And there were women dressed as men who looked like little Japanese girls playing video games!
Boston Pizza, Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Compare and contrast | Default | Gender issues | Guys | Restaurants | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Gospel According to Brad
40-something suit: Jesus Christ could not possibly make Seattle more depressing.
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Carefull listener
That's Not Quite How I Remember the Ending Of "Little Red Riding Hood"...
Loud woman: But she said it wasn't a Target! It was a Wal-Mart. And then the grandmother didn't die. And she's still alive today!
Panda East
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Rachel
Categories: Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Family ties | Massachusetts | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-11-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ballplayers' Demands Get Stranger Every Year
Young man to two female friends: If we go on that ride and his underwear aren't wet at the end, I am making him trade me.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: it's a deal!
You Know Somebody's Playing "Magic: the Gathering"
Frazzled mother: At Michigan State they don't even have parties. They're not going to want you at a party. You are not going to a party. There is no chance.
Hopeful twelve-year-old boy: Oh, there's a chance.
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Cameron
...Was My Bar Mitzvah Theme
Guy to friend: Jeff Gordon riding a Velociraptor alongside Jesus...
Appalchian State University
Boone, North Carolina
Overheard by: Diana Mason
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Jesus | North Carolina | Pop culture | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But for a Simple $5 a Day, You Can Help Save Just One
Professor: America has a terrible problem with nipples.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: tru dat?
Ad: Canadia-- Come for the Chicken, Stay for the Toilets!
Swedish tourist: We came here for the chicken, but will remember it for the toilets.
Swiss Chalet
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Glad I didn't go downstairs...
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Restaurants | Tourists | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Personal Choice
Tall girl: Because you can still wear it under your clothes and be like, "Oh yeah, I have sexy underwear on and you'd only see it if I took my clothes off."
Short girl: Or if you bend over, which I do a lot.
Woodstock, New York
Meet Gov. Palin's Younger Kids
Third grader #1, pushing empty kiddie swing: I'm practicing pushing my baby.
Third grader #2: Why? You're not going to have a baby for like 55 years.
Third grader #1: But it's good to know how, just in case.
Mount Vernon, New York
He Died a Happy Man Of Thirty-Five
Old man to teenage girl: Every time he saw an egg he had to eat it.
Melbourne
Australia
Was That What Elvis' Song Was About?
Redneck lady: Here's where they stop believing the bible is true. This is where you end up, the ghetto.
Creation Museum
Petersburg, Kentucky
Overheard by: Going to hell
...In Unrelated News
Preppy guy #1: "Pangaea," like the continent?
Preppy guy #2: Yeah, my sister just had a face lift.
Wal-Mart
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Rev Loon
Plus, It Totally Clashed with My Pumps
Frat boy to another: It was the ugliest lipstick I've ever seen!
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: Anna
Categories: Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Fashion | Frat boy types | New York | Posted 2008-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: Eyes Wide Shut
Middle aged, balding psych professor disproving "empty nest" theory: Now, when you leave the house your parents are free to run around the house naked, and fuck on the kitchen table! (pauses) Your parents like to have sex!
Psychology Class, Youngstown State University
Ohio
Overheard by: Carmen
In This Month's Cosmo: "How to Get Guys to Watch Chick Flicks"
Girl: Yeah, but he has a really nice penis. I like to play with it while we watch movies.
overheardattcnj.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Overheard at TCNJ
Categories: Beauty | Compliments | Default | Girls | Movies | Other sites | Penis | Time Management | Posted 2008-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Might Even Trump the Popularity of Pregnant or Fat?
Black guy: You keep hearing about how racist Britain's getting, it's pretty scary.
White girlfriend: Oh, totally. I think that before anyone in that country over 40 is allowed to make a public statement they should take a test that's like "is this quaint, or just racist?" and if they fail they shouldn't be allowed to say anything.
Black guy: That would be an awesome game show.
Calgary
Alberta
Canadia
Now My Batman Costume Just Looks Silly
(elastic snapping sound)
Woman in stall: And that was the sound of my outside panties!
Bathroom, Dive Bar
Ohio
Overheard by: Monika
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Ohio | Restroom | Sensory experiences | Undies | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: I Want to Live!
Chunky woman, while doing crunches, to friend: I went to the Bodies exhibit yesterday. For some reason, seeing all those weird, plasticized dead people made me want to work out.
Women's Gym
Studio City, California
Overheard by: urzzz
Categories: California | Death & dying | Default | Fat people | Feelings | Weirdness | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even in Metric Drinks
Bartender: I've never seen someone drink ten Jägerbombs in 15 minutes before...you must be from hell.
Slightly drunk girl: No! I'm from New York. 10? That was 10? Oh, crap, 10 is a lot more than 3.
London
England
Categories: Bartenders | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | England | Geography | Girls | Posted 2008-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Almost As Many Holes As Most Political Speeches
Old lady: Look at that cheese--such a pretty color! Like one of Hillary Clinton's pantsuits.
Santa Rita Cantina
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Katie
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Food | Old folks | Politics | Restaurants | Sensory experiences | Texas | Women | Posted 2008-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Editors Just Threw Up
Soccer mom #1: I heard once that the reason animals don't live as long as humans is because they come into the world knowing how to love, and we have to learn.
Soccer mom #2: That is so true.
Lee County Humane Society
Auburn, Alabama
Overheard by: Gee
Categories: Age and ageing | Alabama | Animals | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Feelings | Moms | Posted 2008-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Learn to Wipe, People, Learn to Wipe
Marriage and family therapy professor: If you're living, shit's happening.
Chestnut Hill College
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Seems Unfair to Blame Bill Cosby
20-something chick on cell: How do five-year-olds even know about jello enemas?
Vallejo Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Pookins
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Default | Girls | Kids | Kink | On the phone | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Since They Haven't Yet Arrested You for Wearing That Silly Human Suit
High girl #1: I mean, they can't arrest me for walking around in a gorilla suit, can they?
High girl #2: No, dude, I don't think so.
Georgia College & State University
Organic Chemistry Is a Squishy Mistress
Painfully dull professor: It's not rocket science, but it's also not a marshmallow.
Storrs, Connecticut
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Default | Science | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Rocks Definitely Are.
Professor: I think fish are not animals. I don't have a concrete answer, but I think they are not animals.
Michigan State University
Overheard by: sjshock
And Who Needs Foresight When You've Got a Guatemalan?
Guy: Who needs insight when you've got a Brazilian?
Moncton
New Brunswick
Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
Disney's Dumpo Has Been Box Office Gold for Decades
Mom to toddler in stroller: What was your favorite part of the circus?
Toddler in stroller: The elephants pooping!
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Categories: Animals | California | Default | Kids | Kids | Moms | Poop | Questions | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Almost Like You're Blaming the Victim Here
Guy, carrying basket: It's just hard to know that I did so much for her, I did everything right in our marriage and now she is intentionally trying to hurt me.
Girl, pushing cart: Seriously? You did everything right?
Guy: Yes, I did.
Girl: Um, you slept with me.
Guy: Yeah, but that was a long time ago and I didn't do it to hurt her.
Trader Joe's
Hillcrest, California
Categories: California | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Infidelity | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Posted 2008-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
74
Maternity nurse to nursing students: I mean, how many fingers do I want in my vagina in twelve hours?
Clinton Township, Michigan
Unless You're Prepared to Teach the Rest of Us to Plié
Construction worker #1, with southern drawl, on speakerphone: Yeah, then we all woke up wearing leotards. Looked like goddamn ballerinas.
Construction worker #2: I don't think I'd tell that story.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Advice | Clothing | Compare and contrast | Construction workers | Coworkers | Default | Eavesdrop DC | Posted 2008-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember This When We Get Back to Detroit
Older man to wife, moving luggage into hotel room: Really, honey? You want to complain about that? You actually want to go to the front desk and tell them that your room is too nice?
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: I'm not complainin'
I Warned Him That Jumping While Dark Was a Felony in These Parts
Yuppie: So then this guy jumped out wearing a ski mask and at first I laughed, but then I realized he was black!
Goshen, Indiana
Overheard by: Dej
We've Tried and We've Tried
Neighbor: Dude, condoms don't work on dogs.
Lawrence, Kansas
I've Already Gotten You to Cave on Drugs and Rock N' Roll
Older black man: You love sex! You do! Just admit it!
Young black guy: I won't admit it!
Older black guy: Yes you will! Yes you will!
Fremont Street
Las Vegas, Nevada
Categories: Black people | Default | Feelings | Guys | Nevada | Offers and requests | Old folks | Sex | Posted 2008-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Before You Bleed Them Dry
Clueless girl: My computer has a virus.
Computer geek: You need an external hard drive to transfer the files you want to keep.
Clueless girl: Can't I just transfer it to another computer?
Computer geek: No, the virus will spread.
Clueless girl: (blank stare)
Computer geek: Its like fucking someone with AIDS.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Advice | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Girls | STDs | Technology | Posted 2008-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yes, Exactly Like That-- Keep It Up, You Two!
History professor, during lecture: After all, people have always had dirty...nasty...raunchy sex.
Syracuse University, New York
Overheard by: del
I Tried That at Sesame Place and Now That Damn Bird Won't Stop IMing Me
Four-year-old: I'm not here to make friends!
Disney's Animal Kingdom
Orlando, Florida
Just Plug and Play-- What Could Be Easier?
Drunk girl #1, in bathroom: So I told her she just needed to remove her vagina, put on a cock and man up!
Drunk girl #2: Totally.
Bathroom, Rocket Bar
Washington, DC
As Long As She Passes the Talent Portion
Teenage girl walking with friends: Oh, she's pretty, I can be friends with her.
Denver, Colorado
An Unexpected Artifact Of Our Romantic Interlude
Girl #1: My uterus! Oh god, my uterus!
Girl #2: My god, the raptor is going into my uterus.
Dining Commons, UMass
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Beth
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Fears | Girls | Massachusetts | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's the Guardian of Our Collective Chastity
Girl on cell: Why are you going to the gynecologist? (pause) Everybody has discharge!
Beaverton, Oregon
Overheard by: CoRri
And Since Your Sister Got Crushed by That House, You're All I've Got!
Drunk guy outside window: I didn't storm the beaches of Normandy so you could fly around on pieces of wood!
Montague Street
Glasgow
Scotland
Overheard by: sarah (trying to sleep here!)
Mike Hunt Fights the Temptation to Change His Name
Older lady customer: Are you Chris?
Manager guy: No, I'm Mike.
Older lady customer: Are you Carl?
Manager guy: No, I'm still Mike.
Perkins Restaurant
Westfall, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Veronica @ http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/
Categories: Customers | Default | Employees | Guys | Mental illnesses | Names | Pennsylvania | Questions | Restaurants | Women | Posted 2008-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They're Even Set to the Same Music
Girl #1: So, how do orgies work? I don't really get it.
Girl #2: I dunno. I think if you see a hole, you just fill it with whatever you've got.
Girl #3: It's like Tetris!
Gold Coast
Australia
Just Lucky, I Guess
Girl: She has vagina legs.
Guy friend: How does she have vagina legs?
Texas Christian University
Fort Worth, Texas
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Guys | Questions | Texas | Vagina | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Evolution Is Wrong, I Don't Want to Be Right!
Human evolution professor, showing a slide of a monkey: Just look at those testicles! They're huge and pink...just...they're all in your face!
Anthropology Classroom, Kent State University
Ohio
Overheard by: Laureen
So Listen Up, Ladies
Male British literature prof: Today, Alexander Pope and I are going to tell you what it's like to be a woman.
Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia
Overheard by: reb
And All These People Were Lying on Me
Sorority ditz: It's not that I didn't want to do the homework, I was just too drunk.
USC
Columbia, South Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Education | Sorority types | South Carolina | Wishes | Posted 2008-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Have a Winner
Girl #1: I'm 20-orgasms horny!
Girl #2: I'm 100-orgasms horny!
Girl #3: I'm masturbate-in-my-class horny!
Girl #1: I'm stick-a-banana-in-my-ass horny!
Syracuse University, New York
Overheard by: gelatinous
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Masturbation | New York | Sexuality | Words | Posted 2008-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Michigan State AA Chapter Didn't Quite Get the Point
Frat boy on cell: I am going to get so wasted! I'm going to get wasted on water. I will drink so much water that I'll be like, "Ahhh, I'm drowning in water!" I will be that fucking drunk, bro. With water!
Michigan State University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Frat boy types | Michigan | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After This, We Can All Go Have Tea
Instructor: Okay, ladies, on your backs and put the balls between your legs!
Athletic Club
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: you don't hear that every day
Like Canadian Jumping Beans
Guest lecturer: My pants are animate, socks are inanimate.
Linguistics professor: Did you just say your pants are animate?
Guest lecturer: Yes, if it's near your genitals it's animate.
Winnipeg
Manitoba
Canadia
Overheard by: Breanne
Categories: Balls | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Questions | Teachers | Vagina | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Now He's All Wanting to Give Me Backrubs and Watch Hope Floats
Upper year girl, about much younger student: I couldn't get him into bed any other way. I had to date him!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by: Paul
Categories: Default | Girls | Overheard at McGill | Sexuality | Wishes | Posted 2008-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can Be My Dirty Fling
Five-year-old boy: Daddy?
Father: Yes?
Five-year-old boy: When I grow up, I want to marry you.
Father: Uhm, you can't do that. What about your friend, Alex?
Five-year-old boy: Hmmm. Okay. I think I'll marry Alex instead.
Reynoldsburg, Ohio
Overheard by: Timothy
We've All Been Burned by Facebook Applications, Marcie
College girl: I don't want to spam twenty people! I just want to know what fucking Disney princess I am!
Hofstra University
Long Island, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Internet | New York | Pop culture | Sorority types | Wishes | Posted 2008-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Maybe They'll Throw Grape Jelly at Us
Preteen in line at Spice Girls concert: I don't want them to leave the stage! At the end, let's keep screaming "Concord!"
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Spiced girl
That Limbo Bar Might As Well Have Been a Phallus
Professor: This weekend I went to a new restaurant that had a bar. It was interesting to see how the new generation dances these days.
Student: What's weird about dancing?
Professor: In my day we would have called that rape.
UNH
Durham, New Hampshire
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Dancing | Default | Memory lane | New Hampshire | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like, on Our Spouses or What?
Foreign professor: If I would be you, I would cheat.
Western Kentucky University
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Foreigners | Kentucky | Teachers | Posted 2008-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Well As a Yumminess Thing
Black girl on one side: We look like an Oreo!
White girl in middle (jokingly): Oh, is that a race thing?
Black girl on the other side: Yes.
Outside Harvard Medical School
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Black people | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Girls | Massachusetts | Questions | Race | Students | Whiteys | Posted 2008-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just When You Thought American Schools Were the Worst...
Student, talking about fur coat made out of Bobcat: Excuse me, what's a Bobcat?
Teacher: Some kind of tractor.
Australia
Overheard by: xmeagan
Hey, You Try to Negotiate the Aisles While Applying Eyeliner
Female flight attendant (managing to bump beverage cart into a seat): Whoops, sorry! Woman driver!
Flight over Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Gaby Young
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Flight attendants | Gender issues | Hawaii | Women | Posted 2008-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No More Trips to the City for Me
Woman to man: No, I didn't enjoy it. They tied me up!
Clifton Park, New York
Overheard by: Don't Want to Imagine
...in Exchange for Cooking Lessons
Conductor: This train will terminate at Stratford. The next station is Waterloo. Please change here for the Bakerloo, Northern and Waterloo & City lines. Alternatively you can also change for Waterloo International, catch the next Eurostar, go to Paris and show the French how to play rugby.
London
England
Overheard by: kat
Categories: Conductors | Default | England | Geography | Offers and requests | Pride | Public Transportation | Train | Posted 2008-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
See-- Blood! Haha! I Win!
Kid stopping to look at object on the ground: Look, glass!
Father: That's a lolly.
Kid: No, it's glass!
Father: It isn't glass, it's a lolly.
(kid picks up object and puts it in his mouth)
Kid: No, it's glass.
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Never found out what it was.
And So God Invented the Sun
Little boy: Today is the perfect day for a yellow balloon.
Restaurant
Vancouver
Canadia
"My Hatred for Teaching Is Vast As the Ocean"
English teacher: Can anyone tell me what the definition of a simile is?
Student: Like your ass...
English teacher: What did you say!?
Student: Like or as?
English teacher: Oh...yeah.
St. Joesph High School
New Jersey
Overheard by: Davel
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Insults | New Jersey | Questions | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Affair with the Other White Meat Has Gone on Long Enough
Man, pulling out salad on airplane: Now I can get back to what really matters. Chicken.
Flight over Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Nic
How About a Koosh Hug?
Teen (brandishing Nerf gun): I'm gonna get you! Here I come! I'm gonna shoot you right in the mouth!
Small boy: Noooo! No more Nerf kisses!
Simi Valley, California
Overheard by: the mster
The Most High-Brow Reference to Be Made in Arkansas
Cultured student, before exam week: I'm drinking more Earl Grey than Jean-Luc Picard this week.
High School
Little Rock, Arkansas
Categories: Arkansas | Compare and contrast | Default | Food | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | TV shows | Posted 2008-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whatever, Mister Finding Nemo
Artsy queer: You masturbated to the soundtrack of The Nightmare Before Christmas?!
Houghton, Michigan
Overheard by: Midget Goldfish
Like My Affinity for Feet!
The Big Issue seller: Big Issue! Get your Big Issue! It's big! ...it's an issue!
Camden Street
London
England
According to a Priest and a Rabbi I Met in a Bar Once
Goth girl wearing blue beehive wig: So Morgan Freeman, a college professor, and a hot guy walk into a ska club.
Friend: And?
Goth girl: Oh, there's no punchline, that actually happened.
Denver, Colorado
From Now On, All Lectures Will Be Given by the TA.
Professor, talking about Meatless Tuesdays during WWI: And what would not eating meat save?
Genius (excitedly): Bullets!
Professor: Um, no.
Genius: By not having to shoot the animals.
History Class, Christopher Newport University
Newport News, Virginia
Overheard by: be CNU
...Well, You Say I Never Communicate!
Teenage cart boy on cell: I'm at GIANT right now. I just have to go home and take a shit and I'll be fine.
GIANT
Lehighton, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Missy
Categories: Default | Feelings | Guys | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Poop | Stores | Teens | Posted 2008-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Same Issue Carmen Electra Has Every Saturday Night
Professor about poem A Wife's Lament: The real issue we are dealing with with this woman is how many guys are involved and in what kinds of positions.
Univsersity of Colorado, Denver
If Our Disastrous Trip to Thailand Was Any Indication
Frizzy-haired college girl: Are you seriously asking me to to sell myself so you can hitchhike to Sicily?
Friend #1: There are so many things wrong with that sentence.
Friend #2: Yeah. Like first of all, no one in Italy would want to pay for you.
UC Davis
Davis, California
Overheard by: Passing Student
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Default | Friends | Geography | Girls | Money | Offers and requests | Questions | Sorority types | Posted 2008-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And We Both Need to Take It Easier on White People
Asian #1: So do you guys eat a lot of Mongolian beef and shit?
Asian #2: Dude! I'm Korean!
(later)
Asian #2: Do you understand everything in those anime movies?
Asian #1: I'm not Japanese! Now I don't feel so bad.
Emory University
Atlanta, Georgia
But It's Kinda Cool When They Come Back to Life
Guy #1: You want to come hang out at my grandparents' with me?
Guy #2: That's alright. I don't like hanging out with grandparents. They're always dying and shit.
Gastown
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Death & dying | Default | Family ties | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And His Cousins' Friend's Stomach Exploded from Pop Rocks
High school freshman: I once knew a guy who knew a guy who was a cyclops!
Kenosha, Wisconsin
Categories: Body parts | Default | Guys | Lies | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teens | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Freud's Children Were His Primary Inspiration
Dad walking towards hotel lounge: Where are your hands?
Young daughter: Somewhere they shouldn't be!
Dad: That's right! Somewhere they shouldn't be!
Austria
Like a Good-Karma Chameleon?
College guy #1: I can't believe I wasn't invited to the wedding.
College guy #2: Maybe if you'd eat another lizard.
Clancy's Irish Pub
Keyser, West Virginia
Overheard by: Millicent Bystander
Categories: Advice | Bars & Clubs | Default | Feelings | Food | Frat boy types | Guys | West Virginia | Posted 2008-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Was He Also Overweight and Driving an SUV?
American tourist: Where's north here?
Local Swedish friend: (points north)
American tourist: It seems north changes everywhere I go, in Hungary it was that way (points), in Aspen it was that way (points) and now in Sweden it's that way (points).
(Swede stares in disbelief)
Stockholm
Sweden
Giuliani As a Kid
Girl: My mom is never going to let me go on a field trip again.
Boy #1: Why?
Girl: I left my jacket at the museum.
Boy #2: Wanna know what I left at the museum? My dignity. My dignity and my pride.
BART
San Francisco, California
And Where's the Bear with the Picnic Basket?
Girl to boyfriend (referring to Old Faithful): Do they turn it off at night?
Yellowstone National Park
And Serve Beef
Frat boy: Indian food can't be any good! I mean, if it was, they'd have chain restaurants!
Washington, DC
Categories: Default | Food | Frat boy types | Geography | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Damn Talking Mirror Tells Her All the Time
Guy to brunette: Yo, tell your friend she's beautiful.
Brunette, about hot redhead: Oh, don't worry, she knows.
Grasshopper On The Green
New Jersey
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Beauty | Compliments | Default | Girls | Guys | New Jersey | Posted 2008-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One Day You Will Make Some Dork Very, Very Happy
20-something chick to friend on cell: I like how you're listening to the message I left you while I'm standing right here.
Friend: I just want to make sure I get the message, I don't want to be like one of those people who calls you back without listening to the message.
20-something chick: I hate those people! It's like, what if the message was really important? Like, "Help me, I'm dying! Don't call me back--it sets off the bomb!"
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Good point
Categories: Cell phones | Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Friends | Girls | On the phone | Threats | Virginia | Posted 2008-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Dad?
Loud 20-something girl on cell: What do you mean you made out with my uncle?!
Spokane, Washington
Categories: Default | Family ties | Girls | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Questions | Washington | Posted 2008-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We'll Have Italian When We Go to Ghana
Tourist #1: Do you think we should eat Mexican or Italian?
Tourist #2: Mexican is indigenous to the culture of Puerto Rico. Let's eat that...
San Juan
Puerto Rico
Makes Teaching Teenagers Seem Almost Bearable
Chemistry teacher: We've been experimenting with butane for the last three periods and I'm a little high right now.
Hume-Fogg High School
Nashville, Tennessee
She Was a Brilliant Preschool Teacher
Stewardess at gate: If everyone can have their boarding passes out and ready for me then I can make this go a lot quicker...and if you don't ask me any stupid questions that would help too, thank you! (smiles and starts scanning passes)
Flight from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Airports & flights | Default | Flight attendants | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Public transportation | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...I'm Transferring to Vassar, Where They Understand My Needs
Dude: Unless you can show me one big titted cat!
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | New York | Nipples | Offers and requests | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At the Family Therapist's, She'll Swear That Was a Term of Endearment
Hyperactive four-year-old: I want ice cream! I want ice cream!
Frumpy mother: Go away, my hair is going to fall all over you.
Hyperactive four-year-old: I don't care! I want ice cream! I'm taking your purse!
Frumpy mother: Ryan, if you touch my purse, I'm spanking you! Now go away, you're annoying me!
Hyperactive four-year-old: No, I'm not, are you kidding me?
Frumpy mother (mumbling): You little rodent.
Hyperactive four-year-old: I am not!
Hair Salon
Cumming, Georgira
Overheard by: Caylin
Categories: Default | Food | Georgia | Moms | Offers and requests | Should have used a condom | Threats | Wishes | Posted 2008-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...in the Bathroom, During the Exam
Hottie: But who do you cheat off of?
Friend: I read the book.
Geoge Brown College
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Tdot Girl
But I Can't Afford the Membership Fee
Preppy chick: I didn't see you in class today. Where were you?
Guy: I was having sex in the bathroom.
Preppy chick: Oh, I want to try that.
Florida
You're the Most Boring Imaginary Friend Ever
Emo-poser teen girl: Does this make me look like I exist?
Teen guy (looking): No.
Pinnacle High School
Phoenix, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Clothing | Default | Girls | Guys | Philosophy | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Posted 2008-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What She Said
Professor: Now, let's try smallening the interval.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Default | Education | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maybe I Should've Selected a Photo Where I Wasn't Holding a Beer-Bong?
Guy: So they sent me something saying they had received my application and said it would take six to eight weeks. I got a rejection letter the next day. Bitchbags.
Wake Forest University
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Guys | Insults | North Carolina | Time Management | Posted 2008-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Stop Slouching. You Know Who You Are
Flight attendant: Please refrain from smoking for the rest of your life.
Flight over Denver, Colorado
Categories: Advice | Airports & flights | Colorado | Default | Flight attendants | Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | Smoking | Posted 2008-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Part of the Magic
Tramcar driver in Magic Kingdom: It has come to my attention that people use their panic button to help them find their car. That is cheating. You must wander around aimlessly for a while first.
Disney World, Florida
Overheard by: Kristen
Categories: Conductors | Default | Florida | Offers and requests | Public transportation | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But If I Collect Enough Quarters, Perhaps I Can Buy Him Out
Aboriginal hobo: There is a nice cave outside of Kings Park. Only problem is there's some old guy livin' in it, he's been livin' there for at least 20 years... I'm just waiting for him to die already so I can move in.
Train
Perth
Australia
Overheard by: Dylann
Can't a Girl Do an Underwearless Can-Can Without Public Scrutiny?
Ghetto lady to two young boys: Stop lookin at my pussy!
20 Bus
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: nightfallcub
...Lassie?
Young man on cell: What the fuck did I do to make you such a bitch this morning?
Boise State University
Boise, Idaho
Overheard by: Dan Lester
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Idaho | On the phone | Questions | Sex | Posted 2008-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Did People Do at Work Without Solitaire?
Random girl on date: Sometimes I wonder what life was like before playing cards?
Stuttgart
Germany
From the Long-Awaited Sequel, Dude, Where's My Conscience?
Guy on phone with friend: Yeah, but I think Tommy's grandparents died, so his house might be on for the party if his parents are out of town.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: 8 Day Charm
Categories: Death & dying | Default | Family ties | Guys | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Henry VIII Hated Getting Caught in Traffic Before a Flight
American tourist: Why did they put the castle so close to the airport?
Outside Windsor Castle
Windsor
England
And I Certainly Never Had a David Lee Roth Action Figure
Quiet guy, interrupting conversation: Um, Ben, did you ever listen to Van Halen while you were at school?
Ben: Uh, no.
Quiet guy: Yeah, neither did I.
Geelong
Australia
Overheard by: Bemused
Years of Training with the Cast of The Lion King
Guy #1: When he gets excited, that kid laughs like a hyena.
Guy #2: Yeah, I know.
Guy #1, trying to mimic the laugh but failing: I don't know how he does it.
New Jersey
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | New Jersey | Posted 2008-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Any Questions?
English professor: Outer space is occupied by evil orientals.
Marymount University
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Sarah Yvonne
His Parents Banked on the Inadequacies of American Sex Ed
Overweight mom with toddler: Then he found out he was a hermaphrodite, a boy cursed with the body of a woman. He grew up never knowing...never knowing a thing.
Overweight friend: Wouldn't ya know?
Seattle's Best Coffee
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: All You Can Eat
Categories: Arizona | Default | Fat people | Friends | Gender issues | Moms | Questions | Restaurants | Sexuality | Posted 2008-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Out Shaking Her Balance Sheet on a Friday Night
Teen girl #1: Okay, okay, look at that girl over there.
Teen girl #2: Which one?
Teen girl #1: The one with the short skirt, revealing halter top, and cowboy boots--what do you think of her?
Teen girl #2: I don't know what you're asking.
Teen girl #3: What do you think she does for a living?
Teen girl #2: I don't know, she could be an accountant.
Steak 'n Shake
Springfield, Missouri
Categories: Clothing | Default | Girls | Jobs & Careers | Missouri | Questions | Restaurants | Teens | Posted 2008-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Practically the Only Thing in Ottawa You Haven't Done
Slutty teen in very short skirt (yelling): Yo,what time is it?
Drunk passerby : (shows watch on wrist)
Slutty teen (indignantly): Like, I don't do analogue, bitch!
Ottawa
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Default | Drunks | Insults | Questions | Strangers | Technology | Teens | Time Management | Posted 2008-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Knew I Shouldn't Have Done Double Shots Last Night
Chick holding both sides of head: This side of my head hurts!
Verona, New Jersey
Categories: Default | Girls | Headaches | New Jersey | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...From the Great Beyond
Girl #1: Dude, my phone is ringing but I don't want to pick it up...I'm too high right now.
Girl #2: Pick it up, it may be important.
Girl #1 (picking it up): Hello? (hangs up)
Girl #2: Well, who was it?
Girl #1: I don't know, just a bunch of voices.
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Overheard by: Zboots1
Categories: Advice | Default | Drugs | Girls | New Jersey | Sensory experiences | Wishes | Posted 2008-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why New Zealand Girls Wear Monacles: Explained
Blonde girl #1: I really want those silver shoes from Moochi Lane. You know, those pointy ones? Even though they look a little weird.
Blonde girl #2: They look like crazy tuxedo man shoes. You know? Like those shoes that Mr Peanut wears...crazy tuxedo man shoes.
Blonde girl #1: Oh my god, they totally do!
Wellington
New Zealand
Overheard by: Felicity
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | New Zealand | Shoes | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Better Just Get Off the Train, Mom
Tourist lady, as train approaches the end of the line: So how are they going to turn this train around?
Daughter: They don't have to. It can go in either direction.
Tourist lady: Well, are they at least going to turn the seats around?
Subway
Washington, DC
Categories: Default | Girls | Kids | Kids | Moms | Public transportation | Questions | Technology | Tourists | Train | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2008-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Sierra Club Got a Restraining Order Against Her
Woman #1: Hey! Look! Trees!
Woman #2: No, you can't get one. Not after you killed the last one we gave you.
De Anza Flea Market
Cupertino, California
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl
Categories: California | Death & dying | Default | Shopping | Stores | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Have Merit Badges in Blasphemy and Obscenity
Woman, crossing in front of two Scouts: Shit! Oh, I'm sorry!
Scout to another: We could top that.
Slatersville, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Ben Jam'in
Well, Not No Reason--I've Met Your Kids
Man #1: So I got it, and then a month later my wife found out she's in menopause. So I got it for no reason.
Man #2: Damn.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Default | Gender issues | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Washington | Posted 2008-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Thin Line Between Martha Stewart and MTV Backup Dancers
Restaurant server on smoke break: How were the ladies at the bar?
Drunk man: Those bitches were hot. And I mean "bitches" in the best possible way.
Server: When I say "bitches," I mean "hoes."
Plano, Texas
Some Porn Writing Is Better Than Others
Professor: So, to calculate the unemployment rate, we whack off...
Intro to Macroeconomics Class
USC, California
Categories: California | Class | Default | Education | Masturbation | Teachers | Posted 2008-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They're Working Their Way Up to Their Heroin Midterms
Dude to chick: It's the first day of class--let's get wasted! (both hi five)
Maryland Institute College of Art
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Girls | Guys | Maryland | Time Management | Posted 2008-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hard to Imagine You Two Have Time to Read
(40-something man was hitting on young clerk when his wife comes up)
Man: I honestly think man wasn't meant to be faithful. We're all so sexual.
Wife: Did you forget I was here?
Man: I'll be in the car in a second.
(she leaves store)
Man, after looking back at clerk: Please. She loves getting pimped out to my friends.
Bookstore
Ocala, Florida
Categories: Books | Compare and contrast | Couples | Default | Feelings | Florida | Gender issues | Guys | Infidelity | Questions | Sexuality | Stores | Women | Posted 2008-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mom's Still Upset About That Explosion in My Room
Girl to friend: You know, I think your house is the best place to keep the meth at room temperature.
Sheffield, Ohio
Overheard by: Julian
Nietzsche: What Does Not Kill Me Makes Me Wierder
(Mustang Sally is playing in background)
Guy: I dated a girl in high school who called herself Mustang Sally and me Cowboy Bill.
Girl: Is that the girl you kissed?
Guy: No, we just wrestled. She was weird. I was weird. It worked out...badly.
Video Store
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Default | Girls | Guys | Memory lane | Names | New Zealand | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2008-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook