Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
September 2008 Archives
Like I Used to Do with My Raggedy Ann
Chick #1: I hope you never snap and become a serial killer.
Chick #2 (lovingly): Because I'd kill you first!
Chick #1: I know.
Chick #2: And then I'd stuff you... I would stuff you with your clothes so you smell like yourself.
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Good Advice!
America, Encapsulated
Fat guy: (moans)
Woman: You alright?
Fat guy: I just feel...
Woman: Yeah?
Fat guy: I feel fat this morning.
Woman: Well, you shoulda eaten something. You should eat more!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: orly.
Categories: Advice | Default | Diet & weight | Fat people | Feelings | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Women | Posted 2008-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Celebrity Porcupine Death Match Could Rock MTV
Middle-aged dude #1: You should petition the State High School League to make killing with porcupines a sport.
Middle-aged dude #2: Yeah, with the quills and everything.
Middle-aged dude #1: Exactly! That's what I'm saying.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: I grabbed my blackberry as soon as I heard it.
Feet I Can Take or Leave Alone
Woman: Definitely. I had both feet in the door, but now it's just one foot in the door.
Man: I hate doors.
Bangkok
Thailand
Overheard by: Adair
Prepare to Fly Away, White Crane Brain
Explosive, neurotic 20-something to friend: Say your prayers, mantis pants!
Vancouver, BC
Canadia
God Only Knows What Goes on There at Night
Zookeeper, to penguin pecking at her shirt: Am I dirty? Am I a dirty little birdie? Do I need preening?
Mystic Aquarium, Connecticut
Just Obeying That Big "P" Sign Over There
Guy #1: You smell like urine.
Guy #2: Good!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: time for a shower?
Categories: Default | Overheard in Minneapolis | Pee | Queers | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Has Everything I've Always Wanted, and a Little Something More
Suit on cell: Oh, did I tell you I met someone? (pause) Her name is Brian.
Civic Center Farmer's Market
San Francisco, California
Categories: California | Default | Names | On the phone | Queers | Questions | Sexuality | Stores | Suits | Posted 2008-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But We Ate at Taco Bell Anyway
Freshman, loudly walking through dorm lobby: It wasn't an STD! ...just, like, a germ-filled cesspool...
CSU
Fort Collins, Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Health & Hygiene | STDs | Students | Posted 2008-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Just by Slipping That Home Depot Catalog under Our Mattress
Soccer mom: I can't believe I was able to convince my husband that I was gay.
Museum of Fine Arts
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Default | Family ties | Lesbos | Massachusetts | Moms | Relationships | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On the Plus Side, Now I Get to Try Out My New Paddle.
Professor: So where does the blood go then?
Student: The heart?
Professor: Good answer, too bad it's wrong.
Gold Coast
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Education | Questions | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Dallas Vacation Really Makes You Appreciate New York
Queer to friend: It's pretentious, it's stupid, it sucks, and I love it.
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: keeeem
Due to All the Air.
Girl to friends (while reading horoscope page): I guess it means that, as an Aries, I should just embrace the fact that I'm better than people! (pause) Well, not better, just cooler.
Metro Red Line
Washington, DC
Overheard by: felonaz
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Train | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Do You Not Have the Balls?
Teenage boy surrounded by girls: So, do you guys play the penis game?
(awkward silence)
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: no, I don't
Categories: Default | Gender issues | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Sexuality | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2008-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Also Would've Accepted "Lines of Coke" or "a Hooker"
Woman visiting Seattle with daughters: Guess what daddy is doing down in Portland right now!
Four-year-old girl: Going to a bar?
Seattle, Washington
I Don't Want To Know What the "Bread" Was
Girl on cell: His thing...it was like a big lamb sandwich!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: aaron
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Food | Girls | On the phone | Overheard in PDX | Penis | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless Waxing's Part of It
Girl #1: Isn't there a saying about ripping off a band-aid?
Girl #2: Yes, but I don't think that applies to sex.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Vidarella
If Renaissance Painters Ran the Beauty Industry
Skinny woman: So what do you do?
Fat woman: I'm a dietitian.
Skinny woman: You should give me some advice!
Menands, New York
Categories: Advice | Default | Diet & weight | Fat people | New York | Offers and requests | Questions | Skinny people | Women | Posted 2008-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Top Chef: Philadelphia Had a Whole Different Type Of Contestant
Ghetto girl: No! I'm just going to walk right up to him and be like, "your knives are in my car!"
La Salle University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With "Quantum Physics" at a Close Second
Drunk girl: I love cheese! It's because I eat so much of it, it's my number one interest on Facebook!
Streetcar
Toronto
Canadia
That, and She Can't Play Softball for Shit
Teen girl #1: Jenny's gay.
Teen girl #2: I am not!
Teen girl #1: I'm just kidding. You are definitely the most heterosexual girl I know.
(pause)
Teen girl #3: Way to call Jenny a slut.
San Luis Obispo, California
Overheard by: urzzz
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Girls | Insults | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2008-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Followed by Fro-Yo
Trendy girl: Yeah, so like, the mom and her daughter went and got abortions together.
Town Center
Sugar Land, TX
Recession Watch: Outlook Not So Good
(a man and a woman are looking at a crib)
Woman: Look how pretty!
Man: But would you really be comfortable sleeping in that?
Furniture Store
Umea
Sweden
Overheard by: Johanna
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Guys | Questions | Stores | Sweden | Women | Posted 2008-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hell Begins When the Buzz Wears Off
Teen guy to teen girls: Starbucks is like heaven! Everyone at Starbucks is happy and nice to each other, because they're drinking coffee, and that makes people happy!
Starbucks, Southern Cross Station
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: XPIOTOS
Categories: Australia | Compliments | Default | Feelings | Food | Friends | Guys | Restaurants | Teens | Posted 2008-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Always Pee in Your Pants, Grandpa!
Man: You're going to need to empty your bladder.
Little girl (in squeaky high voice): I don't wanna empty my bladder!
Man (unashamedly loud): You'll need to empty your bladder before you get on the plane!
Little girl: Not fair!
St. Paul Airport
Minneapolis
Categories: Airports & flights | Body parts | Default | Girls | Guys | Kids | Kids | Minnesota | Offers and requests | Pee | Words | Posted 2008-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Remember How I Won That Pie-Eating Contest?
Chick: If I were a lesbian, I'd be really good at it.
Campsite, Southern Utah
Overheard by: Lauren
Categories: Compliments | Default | Gender issues | Girls | Sexuality | Utah | Posted 2008-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, the Hora! The Hora!
Queer #1: I remember you! Are you Jewish?
Queer #2: No! I'm from Charleston!
Gay Strip Club
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Oh, thank god!
On a Totally Unrelated Topic, Care to Come See My "Special Room"?
(Christian brother professor is chewing on the ice of his drink after lunch)
Student: Hey brother, you know what chewing ice is supposed to signify?
Brother: Yeah...sexual frustration.
Student (chuckling): Yeah.
Brother (shrugging): Occupational hazard.
LaSalle University
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Well D'uh
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Jobs & Careers | Pennsylvania | Questions | Religious fanatics | Sexuality | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's New Yorkese for "Pretty Please"
Eight- year-old girl to parents: Can I pleeeese have a Cinnabon?
Dad: No, you don't need that. Finish your dinner.
Eight- year-old girl: If I don't get a Cinnabon, I'm basically going to kill myself.
Rest Stop
New York Thruway
Overheard by: Karen
Almost As If Drinking Affected My Judgment in Some Way
Guy #1: I once tried to hit on a chick while I was drunk and throwing up, but now that's just a fun story I tell and nobody lost their respect for me.
Guy #2: Except for the girl you were hitting on.
Guy #1: Well, I don't know. Her nickname was "dicktooth."
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
So Hopefully He's a Good Swimmer
Woman #1 (reading a newspaper): Ohmigod, half of Bangladesh is under water!
Woman #2: So what? It's happened before.
Woman #1: But I think someone lives there!
Umea
Sweden
Everything Is Coming Together!
Man #1: Hi! How are you?
Man #2 (excited): Great! I'm going through a divorce!
Man #1: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Man #2 (still excited): Yeah! My wife was with another man!
The Woodlands, Texas
Overheard by: ....what?
Categories: Default | Feelings | Guys | Infidelity | Questions | Relationships | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nobody Knew Pig-Pen Was a Girl 'til She Grew Up
Middle-aged man to 20-something bookseller: You've got that sort of hair that men love to mess up...
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: envious
Take That Little Hat Off It, Timmy
Two-year-old: Daddy, do I have a penis?
Father: Yes, you do.
Two-year-old: Ha ha! Silly penis.
Chicago, Illinois
But I Always Get It Confused with "Elimidate"
Cashier #1: He's definitely overcompensating for something.
Cashier #2: I do not know what that word means.
Cashier #3: "Compensate?" You don't know what that means?
Cashier #2: "Compensate?" Penetrate--I know what *that* is.
Filene's Basement
Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Coworkers | Default | Employees | Questions | Sexuality | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2008-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Variety Is the Spice Of Life
Redhead gay in short shorts: Did you ever imagine yourself falling in love with a ginger vegetarian?
Smoking gay in short shorts (taking drag from cigarette): Not in a million years.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Default | Food | Overheard in Minneapolis | Queers | Questions | Relationships | Smokers | Posted 2008-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whew! For a Second I Thought You Were a Bad Friend
Teen girl #1: You know, in some ways I really despise you.
Teen girl #2: What?!
Teen girl #1: It's okay, I didn't mean it; I just wanted to say something to hurt your feelings!
Shropshire
England
But Was He Grateful?
Teen girl: ...and seriously, I spent half an hour on his groin!
Bar
Victoria University
Australia
Overheard by: She was takking about drawing a cartoon!
Categories: Australia | Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Sexuality | Teens | Time Management | Posted 2008-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Did We Meet? Funny Story, Actually...
Guy on cell: My mom's husband is my dad's wife's ex-husband. Now you know why I live in Seattle--as far away as I can get on the continental US.
Bank of America
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Thinking holidays must be rough
Categories: Default | Family ties | Geography | Guys | On the phone | Parents | Relationships | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No, Dad, Joe Camel Is Not on the Ticket
Woman on phone: No dad, the Democratic congress is probably not affecting the cancer rate. No, a Democratic president will probably not make cancer rates worse.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: me!
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Fears | Health & Hygiene | Maladies | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Politics | Women | Posted 2008-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In My Spare Time I'll Either Collect Stamps or Become President
Rich college white guy: If this music thing doesn't work out for me, my backup is med school.
Malibu, California
Overheard by: Stephen Perlstein
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Frat boy types | Music | Whiteys | Posted 2008-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sounds Like a Lovely Centerpiece
Random biker chick: So, you just put your thong right on it?
Sturgis Motorcycle Rally
Keystone, South Dakota
Overheard by: KDH
Categories: Body parts | Chicks | Default | Questions | South Dakota | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Last Time We Party with the Dean
Frat boy to friends: So, I look at him and think, "I'm not such a good friend that I'm gonna help him here." He was halfway off his air mattress and his tighty whities were soaked with either sweat or urine
Friend #1: I'd have kept away too. I hope it was sweat.
Friend #2: Nah, dude. He's a pisser.
Brown Line Train
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Jim
Categories: Body parts | Default | Frat boy types | Friends | Illinois | Pee | Train | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Way You Need It
Man, rolling down window after being cut off in traffic: Motherfucker, you're lucky I'm listening to Journey!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: anyway you want it.
Categories: Default | Guys | Insults | Music | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2008-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Grand Theft Auto: Apocalypse May Have Gone Too Far
Teenage ghetto boy: That'd be great, man, if everyone died ... They'd be gone, and we could take all their cars!
Bus
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Black people | Bus | Crimes | Death & dying | Default | Guys | Teens | Violence | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Only Our Current Administration Could Grasp That Principle
Teacher: Hey! Who was screaming?
Three-year-old: I was.
Teacher: Well, stop screaming inside.
Three-year-old: Sam* was screaming.
Teacher: Look, important lesson for the future: keep your lies consistent.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Lee
Are You Sure It's Not Just a Rash from the Sequins and Feathers?
Guy: Did you see his hickie? It's huge!
Girl: He has a hickie? But I thought he was gay!
Avenue of the Stars
Century City, California
Categories: California | Default | Girls | Guys | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2008-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Passes for Legal Argument in Australia
Goth lolita girl: I'm sensing some copyright violations in your aura.
Emo guy: Nuh-uh!
Chatswood Station
Sydney
Australia
She Was Also Fantastic at Hiding in Attics
Girl: Do you know who Helen Keller is?
Guy: No.
Girl: Well, she was blind, deaf, and something else...
Guy: Dumb?
Girl: No, she was quite intelligent actually, but I think she could smell.
Corvallis, Oregon
Which Is to Say, in Terms Of Letter Grades, I Give It a "Very Good"
Student, showing off his art project: On a scale of one to ten, with one being the lowest and ten being the highest, I was pretty happy with the way it turned out.
Madison, South Dakota
That's Just Our German Chocolate Cake, Ma'am
Little old lady to cashier: Satan puked here.
Rapid City, South Dakota
Categories: Customers | Default | Evil | Old folks | Religious fanatics | South Dakota | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Like, "Good Boy, Cujo!"
Loud woman on cell: I mean I know he was seriously injured--he had a few fractures and sprains and he hurt his neck and back... But hey, that's what you get when you take too many shots and fall backwards down a flight of stairs because you tripped over your neighbor's dog... I'm so glad we won this case!
MBTA Train
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Default | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | On the phone | Train | Women | Posted 2008-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Kind of Landlady Makes Bandana-Wearing a Lease Requirement?
Girl on cell: So, did I tell you? I got fired from my job. (pause) Yeah, I guess I'm not a very good gay and lesbian promoter. (pause) Well I'm not gay, so maybe that had something to do with it. (pause) Oh, didn't you hear? I got kicked out of my apartment last week, too. (pause) Yeah, it's gay.
Redline MAX
Portland, OR
Overheard by: Gus
Categories: Default | Girls | Jobs & Careers | On the phone | Oregon | Public transportation | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Sorry-- Your Imaginary Friend Didn't Make the Cut
Little girl #1: This is my imaginary friend Helen.
Little girl #2: I have a girl named Lucy!
Little boy: I have a pair of scissors. Named... Mr. Scissors.
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Santa Summers in Stamford
Conductor: Stamford, Stamford stop is...ooh, did you see those two baby reindeer?!
MetroNorth Train
Stamford, Connecticut
Categories: Animals | Conductors | Connecticut | Public transportation | Questions | Train | Posted 2008-09-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless They Belong to the Right Fraternity
Beautiful blonde to almost empty room: Well, I don't experiment with animals either.
Greenbelt, Maryland
Scooby and the Gang Stage an Intervention for Velma
Father: Sweetie, your affection for the dog is causing you to hallucinate.
Empress Pavillion
Chinatown, California
Overheard by: Yapplebee
Categories: Animals | California | Dads | Default | Mental illnesses | Restaurants | Posted 2008-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like All Those Silly Little Hate Crimes
Suit on cell: That's why I love Alabama. It's really hard to get arrested for doing stupid stuff.
Fort Leavenworth, Kansas
Categories: Crimes | Default | On the phone | Suits | US Geography | Posted 2008-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Don't Get Me Started About The Daily Show
Pissy gay man: I don't like The Onion. They just make up all their stories. It's not the real news.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: that's sort of the point
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Overheard in Minneapolis | Queers | Stupidity | Posted 2008-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, That's It-- I'm Blocking BET!
Four-year old black boy, as security car passes: Run, mommy, run! The cops are coming!
Outside of Wal-Mart
Cortlandt, New York
Yeah, Um, About That Jerri-Curl
Camp counselor: Do you have shampoo with you?
Seven-year-old camper: I don't wash my hair. I'm black! Duh.
Rec Center Pool
New York, New York
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Hair | Health & Hygiene | Kids | New York | Questions | Race | Teachers | Posted 2008-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When You Abducted That Thong It Was Like You Ripped Out My Very Soul
20-something crying girl: You. Don't. Get. It. I bleed Victoria's Secret.
Duff's Wings
Buffalo, New York
Categories: Default | Gender issues | Girls | New York | Restaurants | Undies | Posted 2008-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It Was Around at Least One Ankle, It Counts
Guy: I saw Mark yesterday.
Girl: Oh my gawd! We haven't seen him, like, since the nightclub last year.
Guy: I'm surprised you remember that night.
Girl: Yeah, good thing you are strong enough to carry me.
Guy: Good thing you were wearing underwear.
Girl: Barely.
Guy: That's my girl.
TTC Subway
Toronto
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compliments | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Guys | Train | Undies | Posted 2008-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
An Institution Worth Protecting
Obese middle-aged tourist to husband: I called him and told him we're at passenger pick-up 2. He called and asked where we'd be, and I said passenger pick-up 2, that's where he can find us. It's just easier to find us when he gets here. Passenger pick-up 2. And it's cold. That's why I brought this vest. I brought this vest in case it got cold, and it got cold. I'm going to button it up. Did you hear me? I'm going to button it up. There, it's buttoned. (husband ignores her)
Newark Airport, New Jersey
Overheard by: EthanK
Categories: Airports & flights | Clothes | Default | Fat people | Mental illnesses | New Jersey | Questions | Tourists | Weather | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-09-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Couple More Explosions Would've Done It for Me
Woman in her fifties, walking out of Brideshead Revisited: It was okay.
Husband: Yeah.
Woman: It's no Wall-E, but it was okay.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Evy
But I'm Thinking It Gracefully
Girl #1: You're being awkward.
Girl #2: I'm not being awkward, I'm thinking something awkward.
Olympia, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Washington | Posted 2008-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Winston Churchill Pushes the Allies to Invade Sicily
Guy on cell: I believe in signs, dude. I took a dump and it was totally shaped like a boot. I'm going to Italy.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: alicia
Categories: Default | Guys | On the phone | Overheard Lines | Poop | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But the Sombrero Is Just for Style
Prof: Is today Cinco de Mayo?
Girl: No, that's in a few days.
Prof: Well, I had a few shots of tequila when I got up this morning, just in case.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Face
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Holidays | Questions | Teachers | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Fact, He's Delicious
Captain on intercom: Ladies and gentlemen, just wanted to let you know the reason this flight was delayed. The plane collided with a bird upon landing. It's no big deal; it just hit a body part. The bird is okay.
Airport
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Ladle (who is skeptical about the well-being of the bird)
Categories: Airports & flights | Birds | Default | Pennsylvania | Pilots | Public Transportation | Posted 2008-09-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For the Last Time, Those Strippers Were There to Help Make a Quilt
Six-year-old boy: What happens at grandma's stays at grandma's!
Mother: Ssssshhhhhhhhh!
Wal-Mart
Grand Junction, Colorado
Overheard by: Vanessa
Being a Gentleman Has to Be Its Own Reward
Man: Excuse me, but your skirt is caught on your bag and it's pulling your skirt all the way up.
Young woman (annoyed): Excuse me! Can't you see I'm on the fucking phone?!
Man: Fine then--walk around with your ass hanging out--see if I care.
Young woman (into her phone): Oh my god! Some guy just totally came up and told me that my ass is showing! (walks off with skirt still showing)
Airport
Sydney
Australia
If Golden Girls Had Been a Cable Show
60-something daughter: Mother, your hair looks like crap. You cannot wear your hair like that on Easter.
80-something mother: I do not give a rat's ass what my hair has to do with it. What does Easter have to do with it?
6o-something daughter: Mother! You are going to hell for saying that!
80-something mother: I'm going to hell for saying "Easter"?
60-something daughter: No, mother, for saying "ass"! For saying "ass" on Easter!
80-something mother: Oh, hell, really? Well, most of my family's going to hell anyway, so Easter ass, Easter ass, Easter ass, Easter ass! So, there! Happy?
Grandma's house
Illinois
That's What You Said When You Gave Him Syphilis
Girl on phone: He says that we can't be together because it bothers him that we're cousins, and we were intimate. I think it's because doctors are more sensitive to that kind of thing than the rest of us.
Train, New Jersey
Overheard by: NoNoK
Categories: Default | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | New Jersey | On the phone | Sexuality | Train | Posted 2008-09-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'll Look for Any Excuse to Reference That Song
Girl #1 (talking about her relationship): Yup, I'm pussy whipped. Or...what's the male equivalent for "pussy whipped"?
Girl #2: Well, there's that Ian Dury song that goes "hit me with your rhythm stick", so maybe something along those lines.
Sabiá Bar
Sao Paulo
Brazil
And Did You Use All Of the Holes?
Drunk man to girlfriend: So, it's like Swiss cheese, okay? All the women I've ever slept with are like Swiss cheese.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: wow, where do you pick up girls?
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Food | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Sexuality | Posted 2008-09-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'm Half Gay So It's Acceptable, Right?
Extremely effeminate boy (taking deep breath): So...I think I am bi. (flips hair)
Blonde girl (flipping page in magazine, sounding bored): Hmmm. Are you?
Extremely effeminate boy: Yes! (flips hair) I am bi!
Blonde girl: Well, duh. You never stop checking out other guys!
Extremely effeminate boy: I'm not gay, though. My mom thought I was gay.
Blonde girl: I know you're not gay. (pause) For one thing, you are looking at my boobs right now.
Extremely effeminate boy: Oh. Right.
Blonde girl: You feel like stopping?
Extremely effeminate boy: ...not particularly.
Washington Square Park
New York City, New York
Categories: Bi-curious | Default | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | New York | Nipples | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-09-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Got High Enough to Develop Altitude Sickness
Hipster chick #1: Yeah, we did opium last night.
Hipster chick #2: How was that?
Hipster chick #1: I vomited until my ears popped.
Hipster chick #2: Awesome!
Blue Line
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Eve
Categories: Default | Drugs | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Hipsters | Illinois | Public transportation | Questions | Posted 2008-09-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And How You Spent Your Summer Vacation
Black girl on cell: So, uh? So then, you explain what a cracker is to you...
Tacoma Mall, Washington
Overheard by: Troy
Categories: Black people | Default | Girls | Malls | On the phone | Race | Washington | Words | Posted 2008-09-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whoever Cares the Least Wins the Fight
Woman (sarcastically): I'm sorry, I'm such a bitch.
Man: Hmm...
Woman: You think I'm a bitch, don't you?
Man: I didn't say that.
Woman: You didn't disagree with me.
Man: You know yourself better than I do.
Woman: I can't believe you called me a bitch.
Man: I didn't call you a bitch, you called yourself a bitch.
Woman: But you didn't tell me I'm not a bitch.
Man: Because you're acting like a bitch.
Woman: See? You think I'm a bitch!
Man: I said you were acting like a bitch.
Woman: Whats the difference?
Man: Dustin Hoffman acted like a retard, but it doesn't mean he is one.
Woman: I don't know what that's supposed to mean, but you're a dick for thinking I'm a bitch.
Man: Do you mean I'm acting like a dick or I am a dick?
Woman: Fuck you! (storms out)
Man: Too easy. Caramel Macchiato please!
Starbucks
Westminster, Colorado
Categories: About celebrities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Insults | Movies | Offers and requests | Questions | Restaurants | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-09-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, If the Hippos in Fantasia Can Do It...
Aunt: Well yeah, we dance with the turkey before we put it in the oven.
Girl: What?!
Aunt: Well you know, to give it one last dance.
Girl: One last dance?! As if it danced before!
St.Louis, Missouri
I've Been Roaming the Earth for Years Waiting for Someone to Give Me That Answer
Man to random cute chick: When's your birthday?
Cute chick: Um, September 27th.
Man: That's Ani DiFranco's birthday!
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: McNasty
Categories: About celebrities | California | Default | Girls | Guys | Questions | San Francisco | Posted 2008-09-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To the Fudgemobile, Robin!
Soccer mom: Oh great, it's raining. Now we can't eat fudgesicles outside.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Natalie
All the Other Times I Didn't Need the Vodka
Hipster girl: I wasn't invited to the wedding but maybe I'll go anyway. I could be your date. Who knows, maybe you'll even score.
Guy: Shit, all I have to do is give you two vodka sodas and point you to a pool and I'll score. Easy.
Hipster girl: One time that happened. One time.
Marta Train
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Georgia | Girls | Guys | Hipsters | Relationships | Sexuality | Train | Posted 2008-09-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Puberty Should Be Fun
Precocious five-year-old girl: Lipstick! Lipstick! I want lipstick!
Harried mother: Okay, fine, you can pick out one lip gloss. But your father will get really mad if he finds out, because he says...
Precocious five-year-old girl: I know, he says, "we shouldn't waste money, blah blah blah..."
Target Cosmetics Section
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Becca
"Throw Your Brother Into the Campfire," It Says
Little girl to mom: My stomach controls me!
Campsite, California
Categories: Body parts | Default | Fears | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm So Glad You Confided in Me
Frumpy middle aged woman: Excuse me, who can I talk to if I'm interested in purchasing a piece of furniture?
Employee: That would be me. How can I help you?
Frumpy middle aged woman: I'm interesting in purchasing a piece of furniture.
Furniture Store
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Customers | Default | Employees | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Shopping | Stores | Women | Words | Posted 2008-09-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Today's Assignment Is to Find Me a New One
Professor (about a film): It's wrong and confusing.
Student (just back from the bathroom): What's wrong and confusing?
Professor: My life.
Grennaskolan
Sweden
If They Don't Remember Their Own Birthdays, Do You Need to Bother with Presents?
Mom: Do you know what next Wednesday is?
Three-year-old son: Friday!
Country Club
Greensboro, North Carolina
Overheard by: Annie Tewkesbury
Categories: Default | Kids | Kids | Moms | North Carolina | Questions | Time Management | Words | Posted 2008-09-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Finally Settled on the Nike Swish
Teenage guy to another: Didn't they want to name their kid something weird, like "question mark?"
Brighton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: L-Dawg
It's Implied by the First Three
Teacher: What is life really about?
Student #1: Cars!
Student #2: Love!
Student #3: Money!
Teacher: Why hasn't anyone said "sex" yet?
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Irot
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Philosophy | Questions | Sex | Students | Teachers | Texas | Posted 2008-09-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Saying It in a Movie Doesn't Make It True, Keanu
30-something guy on cell: ...and they don't even care about all my Kung fu skills!
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Ian
Categories: Default | Eavesdrop DC | Feelings | Guys | On the phone | Violence | Posted 2008-09-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Enough About Me-- What Are Your Interests?
Girl: I really like playing with grass...also, I think I'm going to crazy one day.
John Mayer Concert
Holmdel, New Jersey
Categories: Default | Feelings | Girls | Mental illnesses | New Jersey | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because, If Not, I'll Have to Mark My Territory with Urine
Woman getting into her car to guy in SUV: Wait, did I leave my underwear in your car?
Washington Township, New Jersey
Overheard by: Russ
Except for Excrement on Outdoor Statues
Girl to guy: I think that should be my new catch phrase, "I want my pigeons!" But what does that even mean?
Guy: If we knew that, all the world's problems would be solved.
The Star Bar
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Birds | Default | Georgia | Girls | Guys | Philosophy | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If I Show You a Boob, Will You Forget This Lecture Ever Happened?
Moral and religious education teacher, describing opening scene of Gridiron Gang: So the movie opens, right, and you hear all these guns going off, and everyone's gangbanging everywhere...
Students: (silence, then loud raucous laughter)
Teacher: Oh, Jesus Christ... I mean they're shooting loads at each other... Oh god, no...
Centennial Regional High School
Quebec
Canadia
Overheard by: amused
And Stop Shimmying Up That Pole
Mom in bathroom stall: Okay Michael, come on, you have to pee.
Son: Mom, I don't wanna play games with you!
Mom: What is wrong with you? At least put your clothes back on if you're not going to pee!
Tempe, Arizona
How Most of Us Feel About Seventh Heaven
Boi lesbian talking to shorter boi lesbian: Those motherfuckers are sweet as shit. Those bitches make me sick.
Tacoma, Washington
Overheard by: Maybe she likes them to be mean?
Categories: Default | Insults | Lesbos | Sexuality | Washington | Posted 2008-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Suspect It's Only Physical
Little boy, running and screaming down the aisle: I...love...diet...Coke!
Borders
Columbia, Maryland
Overheard by: Liz
So What Else Ya Got?
Spoiled nine-year-old: People only love me for my stuff.
Day Care
Wichita, Kansas
Overheard by: amused
You Don't Even Want My Boobs?
Adopted Chinese daughter: I just wish we looked more alike.
Mother: Aw, you wish you looked more like me?
Adopted Chinese daughter: No, I wish you looked more like me.
Mall
Washington, DC
Overheard by: kellerz
Categories: Asians | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Kids | Kids | Malls | Moms | Washington, DC | Wishes | Posted 2008-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And I Drink Twelve Beers in Celebration
Drunk girl: Sometimes I think I'm an alcoholic, but then I watch Intervention and I realize I'm just a love machine.
Syracuse University, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Girls | Maladies | New York | Sexuality | TV shows | Posted 2008-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What Thongs Are Supposed to Feel Like, Billy
Five-year-old boy, loudly interrupting adults: I have a wedgie!
(adults laugh)
Five-year-old boy: This wedgie train is carrying wedgies!
Green Line
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Default | Guys | Kids | Kids | Massachusetts | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Undies | Posted 2008-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Davis Found Himself in the Middle of a Drunken Samurai Movie
Guy #1 to guy #2 who just stepped onto the elevator: Hey man, did you ever find your glasses?
Guy #2: Yeah, I did. They were at the concierge desk.
Guy #1: What about your pants?
Guy #2: Yeah, they were around my ankles, though I don't really know what happened with that.
Guy #1: I do. You did about 20 shots of rum in 10 minutes.
Guy #2: That doesn't sound right! It wasn't that fast!
Guy #1: Okay, maybe about 15 minutes then.
Guy #2: Yeah, that sounds right. I barely remember the sword.
Elevator
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Holly
Categories: Clothes | Default | Drinking & drunks | Georgia | Guys | Questions | Time Management | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Was the Thesis of My Last Biology Paper
Thug #1: Everybody calls that girl "Orangutan titties."
Thug #2: What? Why?
Thug #1: She's the one that flashed everybody back in freshman year at that one assembly, and her titties be all pointy and shit.
Thug #2: I remember that shit, that was pretty fuckin' funny.
Thug #3 (after a long pause): Man, orangutans are fuckin' weird.
Thug #1: Yeah, monkeys be fucked up.
MDN High School, Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: I saw this whole assembly thing, too.
Categories: Animals | Arizona | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Names | Nipples | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Thugs | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Tell the World!
Guy: Dude, his nipples are like as big as my pecs!
Girl: ...people can hear you here.
Stamp Student Union
University of Maryland
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Etiquette | Girls | Maryland | Nipples | Posted 2008-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Recommend Turning Your Monitor and Playing a Lot of FreeCell
Female suit to another: So...how do we do things that make it look like we're doing things?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: corporate America, we have a problem
Categories: Default | Office politics | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Suits | Women | Posted 2008-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Think We All Know the Law
Party goer: Kate! It's your turn to do a keg stand.
Kate: No, I can't. I have a shirt on.
Charlottesville, Virginia
Overheard by: christine
Categories: Clothes | Default | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Offers and requests | Virginia | Posted 2008-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There's Been a Lot of Tortured Reasoning About That in the U.S.
Genuinely confused girlfriend: Here's the thing I don't get about Guantanamo Bay...is it an actual place?
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: MoMo
So I No Longer Let My Children Have Co-Ed Slumber Parties
Laughing man: Yeah, a lot of kids were conceived that night, especially after they broke out the crotchless panties.
Watkins Glen, New York
But Somebody Shit in That Box
Angry college girl: It's either art or the cat!
Artsfest 2008
State College, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Kat
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Santa Does the Other 364 Days a Year
Guy #1, standing in front of classroom: So he walked up to me and was like, "Dude, do you want a donut?" and of course I was like, "yeah."
Guy #2: Well, yeah. I love donuts too.
Guy #1: So then he whips out this trash bag and it's filled to the top with donuts. So I took this one off the top and started eating it, and then I realized, dude! Where the hell did you get a trash bag full of donuts?
Guy #2: Woah. Where'd he go?!
Hanover, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Emmeline
Categories: Class | Default | Food | Guys | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2008-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Square the Circle! Square It, I Say!
Math professor: In Russia, if something is not allowed and you want it really bad, you can do it.
Brown University
Providence, Rhode Island
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Geography | Rhode Island | Teachers | Posted 2008-09-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Ordinary Man Is Enough for Two Women
Girl to friend: Sometimes she comes back from a party, and she's like, "Laura and I totally double-teamed this guy last night!" And I'm like, "That is just so wrong."
Hamilton College
Clinton, New York
It's Kind of a Vicious Cycle, Isn't It?
Female suit #1: She's just sad and lonely.
Female suit #2: That's no excuse for Mormonism.
Santa Barbara, California
Wolf Titties Are Hot This Year
Guy: It's not like he has one extra nipple... He has two.
Girl: He's like a rat!
Starbucks
Hollywood, California
Categories: Animals | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Nipples | Restaurants | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What a Poetic Way Of Saying "Anus"!
Professor: Does this fit into his expanding and contracting magical porn circle?
Washington University
St Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: You can't laugh in a four person class
Think We Could Get That Classified As a Learning Disorder?
Guy #1: Sometimes it's hard being a guy.
Guy #2: Why is that?
Guy #1: Well, I try to stay focused and get shit done, but every time a female walks by I feel obligated to turn around and check out her tits and ass. I just want to get through a project without being distracted by tits and ass.
Guy #2: Yeah, but don't you worry you might miss the world's greatest tits and ass?
Guy #1: Exactly!
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: sean
Categories: Beauty | Body parts | Colorado | Default | Fears | Gender issues | Gripes | Guys | Questions | Posted 2008-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's True! I Read It on a Truckstop Bathroom Wall!
Teen guy #1: Who comes to a concert to make out?
Teen guy #2: Uh, anyone with a significant other.
Teen guy #1: If a girl will make out with you at a concert, then she's down for anything. Like she'd totally take it up the butt.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: not so much
Categories: Backdoor | California | Default | Guys | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Music | Questions | Relationships | Teens | Posted 2008-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only Because They Found the Kiddie Pool Filled with It
Girl to boyfriend: Why'd you go and tell all the guys on the fifth floor that I have some crazy fetish with lubricating foods?
Guy: I didn't say anything!
Girl: Well, they were talking about the Nutella.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Laura G.
The Artistic Temperament, You Know
College chick #1: Where are we going?
College chick #2: I think he just draws stuff and has freaky sex...
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | New York | Questions | Sex | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The One with Big, Glossy Pictures Instead of Words
Man to store employee: It's one of those real estate investment books, the yellow ones.
Employee: Let's see, follow me... Is this what you were looking for?
Man: No, no, that's the one for idiots, I want the one for dummies.
Barnes & Noble
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Lisa
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Employees | Offers and requests | Stores | Words | Posted 2008-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's a Great Idea!
Goth girl: So by working to benefit communism, they started to think that communism wasn't actually so bad!
Creepy guy: You know, some people say that young people aren't deep. You've proved them wrong. (leaves)
Fat friend: Good thing he didn't hear us talking about how Sims should be able to sell drugs.
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Creepsters | Default | Drugs | Fat people | Goths | Guys | Office politics | Posted 2008-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maturity Takes Awhile to Develop
Teen girl: I hate you.
Teen guy: You hate me? Nice. Real mature... (pause) Oh my god! An Elmo lunchbox!
Officeworks
Bendigo
Australia
Overheard by: ColdSpiral
Categories: Age and ageing | Australia | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Questions | Teens | Posted 2008-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Such a Pill Pusher
20-something female: He comes back Sunday. Oh! And Joe is giving me free birth control!
Orlando, Florida
When I Come Back with Half a Face, It's on Your Conscience
(little girl follows older sister into the bathroom)
Older sister: Sarah, do not come in here with me! I'm on the phone!
Sarah: But I have to go to the bathroom! Besides, you're just talking to your boyfriend.
Older sister: Sarah, I mean it! Go up to the room.
Sarah: You know daddy doesn't let me go in the elevator by myself.
Older sister: Just do it, he's not going to know.
Sarah: But someone could take me!
Older sister: Yeah right, who would want you?
Sarah: The Vice President of the United States!
Marriot Hotel
Teaneck, New Jersey
Categories: Default | Fears | Girls | Kids | Kids | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Politics | Siblings | Posted 2008-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"I'll See Ya Later, Boi" Is Code for "God Is Dead"
Grad student #1: Have you heard Avril Lavigne's song? The deep one?
Grad student #2: "Sk8r Boi"?
NWU Campus
New York City, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Music | New York | Questions | Students | Posted 2008-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Ejaculate Prematurely Just to Get out of Her
Dude #1: I was gonna ask her to be my girlfriend.
Dude #2: Why didn't you?
Dude #1: I realized I fucking hate her.
Daly City, California
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | Questions | Relationships | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Confusion Often Found in Young Big Bad Wolves
Mom: Can you sit there and be mommy's good boy just a little longer? We're almost done shopping.
Boy: No. I'm not your good boy. I'm not your good boy anymore.
Mom: Oh you aren't? Then will you be a big boy for me?
Boy: No, I'm not your big boy! I'm not your big boy, and I'm not your good boy anymore.
Mom: Oh really, then what are you?
Boy: I'm a grandma!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: kari
Categories: Default | Family ties | Guys | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Overheard in PDX | Parenting | Questions | Shopping | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-09-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Gay Marriage Opponents' "Slippery Slope" Arguments Are Tenuous at Best
Really tall hippie to really short girl in overalls: If that's what you think, then why can't I rape dead people?
El Campesino
Altoona, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Louise H
Categories: Default | Guys | Hippies | Kink | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Questions | Restaurants | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Care About Different Bears
Guy with clipboard: Do you have a minute for human rights?
Guy walking by: No. (pause) Wait, did you say humans rights?
Guy with clipboard: Yes.
Guy walking by: Oh, I thought you were one of those crazy environmentalist people.
Guy with clipboard: No, we're crazy gay rights people.
University of Colorado, Boulder
Overheard by: Violentvixen
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Offers and requests | Office politics | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm at the Far End Of the Gay Continuum
Obviously gay guy: I mean, I'm not surprised at all that people think I'm gay. I've got this high voice, I'm bitchy, and I like to wear dresses.
Friend: (nods in approval)
Dining Hall
UNC Chapel Hill
I Stowed It in the Crawl-Space with Your Dignity
Mom: I don't wanna be finding knives in the lawn anymore!
20-year-old son: Where's my sword?
San Diego, California
Overheard by: tab
Unless You Count Facebook Status Updates
Suit #1: So you live in the Watergate.
Suit #2: I do. The famous Watergate complex.
Suit #1: It's famous?
Suit #2: Yeah--the Nixon scandal and everything.
Suit #1: Oh--I don't really follow current events.
eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
I'm Surprised You Were There, Ms. Chipped Nail Polish
Girl #1: You weren't even in school today, were you?
Girl #2 (with her hood up): No, 'cuz my hair is messed up!
Columbus, Ohio
She Took Music Class at Montessori School
Very white mom: "The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round..." Sing with me, honey.
Very white four-year old daughter: "Rollin' down the street smokin'..."
Walt Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Got My Own Personal Trail Of Tears Over Here
Crazy old white lady trying on wedding veil: So I always wondered why I didn't look good in these things...until 2004.
Disinterested customer: Oh?
Crazy old white lady: Yeah, then I found out I was part Native American. At least 5%.
Disinterested customer (confused): Oh...?
Crazy, old white lady: Yeah. That's why I don't look good in veils. Cause we Native Americans don't wear them.
Disinterested customer: I got married in a courthouse.
Crazy old white lady: I hate to say it since I am part white, but damn those white people!
Goodwill
Altoona, Pennsylvania
Categories: Clothes | Crazies | Customers | Default | Family ties | History | Insults | Mental illnesses | Old folks | Pennsylvania | Race | Stores | Whiteys | Women | Posted 2008-09-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't That the Title of a Kanye West Song?
Man in mall: Excuse me, where can I hail a taxi?
Mall employee: This is Vermont, dude.
Man in mall: There has to be taxis. There are roads, aren't they?
Mall employee: Nope, no taxis. But lots of guns.
Rutland, Vermont
Overheard by: MeggerzDotCom
Categories: Compare and contrast | Customers | Default | Employees | Malls | Offers and requests | Public Transportation | Questions | US Geography | Vermont | Violence | Posted 2008-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Glittery Leopard Print? We'd Say So
Girl in fitting room: These leggings are totally going to ruin my karma.
Forever 21
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: lisa
When Professors Watch Too Much House
Girl: Do you know how much inflow comes from the Colorado River?
Professor: Ummmm...yeah. I do, actually. (doesn't answer question).
UC Berkeley
California
Overheard by: not telling either
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Girls | Questions | Students | Teachers | US Geography | Posted 2008-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Role Of the Town Crier Has Become Distorted Over the Years
Pubescent boy screaming at elderly passerby: Fuck you! Fuck you! You, right there! Fuck you! (aside) Man, I gotta write an email. (screaming again) Your mother has a dick!
Eastchester, New York
But Hand Me Your Checkbook and I'll Eliminate Your Debt
Stoner chick: I really wish I could bite something and for once, not have to worry about it disappearing.
Bakersfield, California
Overheard by: don't we all?
Ashley Olsen Dating Lance Armstrong Was the Final Nail in the Coffin
Preppy girl #1: So the Apocalypse is totally going to happen... It's scary.
Preppy girl #2: Yeah, I know, right?
High School Hall
Ontario
Canadia
...Until I Heard Her Reciting Beowulf in the Shower
English teacher: Yeah, I dated this girl one time and she took a class and learned middle English. She memorized the beginning of The Canterbury Tales in middle English so she was like, "Do you want to hear The Canterbury Tales in middle English?" And I was like "yeah!" and she said it, and it didn't even sound like English. It was crazy, like chanting or something. I was about to propose to her just then. But I got over it.
Rock Bridge High School
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Kelsey
Categories: Default | Education | Feelings | Language barrier | Missouri | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2008-09-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It Didn't Grow in Our Garden, She's Not Interested
Cracked out old lady: Yeah, I think it's time for me to get a new dildo.
Cracked out old guy: Oh, really? Why?
Cracked out old lady: I don't know... I'm not getting the same vibrations anymore. You should tell your wife to get one.
Cracked out old guy: Nahh, I don't think she'd enjoy it...
Cracked out old lady: Yeah, true, true.
McDonald's
Surrey, BC
Canadia
In Her Fifties, Mom's Censor Went Out on Strike
50-something mom: It was the first time I've ever heard Brian* call uncle Ned* a prick!
20-something son: Mom!
50-something mom: I don't even know what that is, a prick.
20-something son: Don't worry about it.
50-something mom: Well, Brian's right. Ned is a prick, whatever that is.
Woodbridge, Virginia
Overheard by: Cols
But It's Music Made by Weenies for Weenies Who Make Weenies!
(odd club music plays in the background)
Student #1: Chef, what are we listening to?
Chef instructor: Just some flippy-trippy sausage making music! It's acid jazz.
Student #2, grinding variety meats: I'm so not on the right drugs for this.
Culinary School
Austin, Texas
I Knew I Shouldn't Have Dragged You to That Bathhouse
Little boy (jumping off fire truck on a giant spring): Let's go to wienerland!
Miami, Florida
Now He Calls Me the "Comma Chameleon"
Girl (looking at her graded essay): My professor said, "good use of comma." What on earth does that mean?
Guy: I don't know... We do go to Suffolk. Maybe he was just impressed that you knew how to use a comma correctly.
Suffolk University
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Default | Education | Girls | Guys | Massachusetts | Questions | Posted 2008-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Except Perhaps 'Thanks for Paying My Salary'
Man on street (asking for donations to a charity): You wanna donate?
Man #1: What about all the money I pay in taxes? That's a donation.
Man #2: Oh shit, I don't even know what to say to that.
16th & Chestnut
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: indigo
Categories: Default | Guys | Money | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2008-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Told Him There'd Be Repercussions If He Put Another Cheerio Up His Nose
Guy on bus: If I ever write a book, it'll be about how to kill my brother in the most painful way possible.
Girl on bus: But he's two.
Guy on bus: I don't care.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Meech
Categories: Age and ageing | Bus | Canadia | Default | Family ties | Girls | Guys | Murder | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Kindly Fasten Your Seat Belts in Case the Doors Fly Off
Stewardess: Sorry for the delay, ladies and gentlemen. The first two planes we tried didn't work, so this is the third one and we made it here okay...so, so far, so good!
Airport Runway
Cabo San Lucas
Mexico
Categories: Airports & flights | Default | Flight attendants | North America | Public transportation | Time Management | Weirdness | Posted 2008-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Musky Petals Often Considers Changing Her Name
20-something girl #1: So she's dating him and has spent the night at his place, but he's still in the middle of a divorce.
20-something girl #2: ...and she doesn't know his last name?
20-something girl #1: Yep.
20-something girl #2: And he's her boss.
20-something girl #1: Yep. I told her to google him or look at his business card.
20-something girl #2: I don't understand any of this. I've never googled myself, actually. Have you?
20-something girl #1: Yeah, you should try it! It makes you feel famous.
20-something girl #2, to herself: All that came up when I did it was porn.
Northbound Caltrain
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: A Cheek
Categories: Advice | California | Default | Girls | Internet | Names | Porn | Relationships | Train | Posted 2008-09-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Singer Of "Hey There, Delilah" Eventually Had to Hire a Bodyguard
Young drunk guy: ...but everything will be better once I break his jaw.
Friend: Yeah, word.
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: bex
I'll Bet Oscar the Grouch Would Be Into Flogging
Drunk girl to friends: Dave and I were talking about which Muppet is hottest. I said the Count. He says Cookie Monster.
Dave: The Count would count every thrust! One... Hahaha... Two... Hahaha...
Drunk girl: But the Cookie Monster would get crumbs in the bed!
Downtown Grill and Brewery
Knoxville, Tennessee
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drunks | Friends | Girls | Restaurants | TV shows | Tennessee | Posted 2008-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Guys Prefer to Be Firmly Held
Little kid (skipping and yelling): Tighty whitey man! Tighty whitey man!
Mount Vernon Farmers' Market
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: livin'
How Ken Maintains That Orange Tan
Blonde: There was a Ken doll encased in jello in the fridge.
Pocket Sandwich Theater
Dallas, Texas
Or You Will Just As Soon As We Stop by That Playground
Four-year-old boy: Mom, can we get a puppy?
Mom: You don't need a puppy, you have a little brother.
Four-year-old boy: Yay!
Carlsbad, California
Overheard by: californiabeaner
Categories: Advice | Animals | California | Default | Family ties | Guys | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Questions | Wishes | Posted 2008-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...the Underwear Model?
Woman walking out to parking lot to random guy: Hey dude, I have a picture of you in your underwear! Are you Jared's roommate?
Mexican Restaurant
Stillwater, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Confused yet amused vet student
In the Sense That They Both Have Fewer Than Six Letters
Middle school boy: They could solve world hunger if they just kept cloning lots of sheep.
Friend: Aren't sheep like, tofu?
Radnor, Pennsylvania
Or, As in This Case, at Least Come Out Even
Girl #1: I'm so high.
Girl #2: Oh, I don't do that anymore, last time I was high I gave a two-hour blow job.
Girl #1: Oh my god, did a little piece of your soul die?
Girl #2 : Not really, Jesus Christ Superstar was on in the background.
Girl #1: Oh, well, musicals make everything better.
Girl #2: Definitely.
York, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jess
Categories: BJs | Default | Drugs | Girls | Movies | Music | Pennsylvania | Questions | Time Management | Posted 2008-09-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Are These Bills Sticking Together?
Woman: Sorry, I have to pay in singles.
Cashier: That's okay, people do all the time. (asking innocently) Are you a waitress?
Woman: No, honey. My career is a little less wholesome than that.
Cashier: (stutters and looks at her screen) Alright then, your total is $27.45.
Kroger
Cincinnati, Ohio
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Employees | Jobs & Careers | Money | Ohio | Questions | Stores | Women | Posted 2008-09-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Religious Differences Are Best Resolved Before Marriage
Girlfriend: So, you don't believe in vampires, right?
Boyfriend: Nope.
Girlfriend: Okay, but do you believe in ghosts?
Boyfriend: No, I told you I don't believe in that stuff.
Girlfriend: But you at least believe in witches, right?
Boyfriend: No!
Girlfriend (exasperated): Now you're just being naive!
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: kingdubby
Jared Likes to Watch the History Channel on Acid
Teen to others: Did you know that Ben Franklin invented the first haunted house?
In Line for Haunted House
Roanoke, Vriginia
The EMTs Can Just Pull Him Out From Under It
Preppy Asian chick on cell: I don't care if he's dying. I'm not going to move my car from a parking spot.
University of Tennessee
Overheard by: Jessica
Categories: Asians | Colleges & Universities |