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August 2008 Archives
This Suddenly Turned Into a Whole Different Kind Of Tournament
Girl on cell: I just took off my bra to make weight. Dignity? Gone.
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Competition
Morristown, New Jersey
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Clothing | Default | Girls | New Jersey | Pride | Posted 2008-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Arsenal Is Losing the Battle for Hearts and Minds
Englishman in Manchester City shirt: Oi, is that a Manchester United shirt?
Eight-year-old Japanese boy: Herro.
Englishman in Manchester City shirt: Hello, you cunt.
Japan
Categories: Asia | Asians | Clothes | Default | Foreigners | Gym rats | Insults | Kids | Language barrier | Questions | Posted 2008-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can You Wait Til I Drop You Off at Mommy's?
Father: Look, there's a potty over there!
Five-year-old daughter: No, I don't wanna go in the porta-potty!
Father: Okay, where are you gonna go then?
Five-year-old daughter: In my pants!
Father: Alright!
SUNY
Purchase, New York
I'm Widely Studied on the Local Pleather and Acrylic-Nail Rituals
Long Island girl being interviewed: ...my physical goals, well, I want to keep going to the gym, keep eating healthy, not smoking. My personal goals, one is that I really want to travel. Like this weekend I'm going to New Jersey for a wedding.
Starbucks
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Queens girl
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Girls | Health & Hygiene | New York | Stupidity | US Geography | Posted 2008-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And No Claws This Time, Please
Cat being carried by a morning walker: Meaow! Meaow meaow!
Morning walker: Yeah yeah yeah, okay. Then what happened?
Cat: Meaow!
Morning walker: Really? So what did you do?
Joggers Park
Vashi, Bombay
India
Categories: Animals | Creepsters | Default | India | Language barrier | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Same Reason So Many People Apply to Haverford.
Hipster girl #1: I got into Northeastern for grad school. I dunno what to do.
Hipster girl #2: Wow, that's really good! What a great school. Northwestern is like, famous.
Hipster girl #1: No, Northeastern.
Hipster girl #2: Oh. Is that a good school?
Hipster girl #1: Not really. But I figured if I put it small on my resume or say it fast, people will get confused. It clearly works!
30 Bus
San Francisco, California
Categories: Bus | Default | Education | Girls | Hipsters | Memory lane | San Francisco | Words | Posted 2008-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now I Have a Little More Captain in Me Than Most People
30-something white lady: I just shove it down my pants. But it's not beer, it's Captain Morgan!
BART Escalator
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Hott Bi Luv
Categories: Clothes | Default | Drinking & drunks | Euphemisms | San Francisco | Train | Whiteys | Women | Posted 2008-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
'Cause Then I'd Be Playing Dungeons and Dragons with Myself
Teen comic book geek #1: It's a good thing you're not a figment of my imagination. That would just be awkward.
Teen comic book geek #2: Yeah, totally.
Bookman's
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: adult comic book geek
Judging from the Testes Hanging Out of It
Hobo to tranny prostitute: You rockin' that dress girl! You the man!
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: claire
Categories: Clothes | Compliments | Default | Hobos | San Francisco | Posted 2008-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Almost Hit on Her, Too
50-something woman on bus: ..fishnet stockings, a skirt that barely covered *something,* and a bustier. I looked up, and it was my daughter.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: mehitabel
Categories: Clothes | Default | Family ties | Overheard in PDX | Women | Posted 2008-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fifth Grade's Usually When Kids Develop Flayva
White girl to Hispanic chick: I swear, in 5th grade you were, like, white.
Hispanic chick: White, like, acted white? Or white like white skin?
White girl: Like, white. Weren't you ever white?
Panera Bread
Fairlawn, New Jersey
Overheard by: Siberia
Categories: Age and ageing | Bars & Clubs | Chicks | Default | Foreigners | Memory lane | New Jersey | Questions | Race | Posted 2008-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Speak From Experience
Guy: I wonder why they don't make "ribbed for her pleasure" Magnums.
Girl: Because if your shit's that big to need a Magnum, it's already her pleasure.
CVS
Atlanta, Georgia
Bleaching Your Anus Could Go Either Way
Broseph to broski: Shaving your ass is a sign of homosexuality, shaving your testicles is a sign of being a porn star.
Chicago, Illinois
She Just Goes There to Have Sex in the Steam Room.
Preppy girl: I woke up this morning and my legs were so sore! And then I couldn't remember why they were hurting! I was so worried, especially since I went out last night and Wednesday nights are usually when I stay in. And I couldn't remember anything that happened. But then I thought, "Oh, wait, I went to the gym yesterday. That must be it."
Lawrence Hall, Colgate University
Hamilton, New York
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Maladies | New York | Preppies | Time Management | Posted 2008-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eddie Murphy Is a Thrilling Public Speaker
50-something gentleman: Honey, the last time I ran was from a drag queen prostitute, and that was ten years ago. I don't run.
Valencia Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: McN
Categories: Default | Memory lane | Old folks | San Francisco | Sexuality | Violence | Posted 2008-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Doesn't Involve My Grandma
Loud girl: Listen to me! I saw that hairy vagina! It was right in front of my face!
Loud guy: Can we please engage in a different conversation?
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
The Snake Was Shedding Her Skin
Girl #1: I saw her panties.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Oh, they were off of her, not on her.
Woodbridge, Virginia
Poor Prince Harry
Girl #1: Yuck! You dated him? Why?
Girl #2: Well, I thought he was cute, but it turns out he was really just rich.
Manuel Antonio
Costa Rica
Categories: Beauty | Default | Girls | Money | Questions | Relationships | South America | Posted 2008-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Plus, They're Expendable
Skinny female lifeguard to friend: Sometimes I don't yell at the fat kids for running at the pool, 'cause I figure it's good exercise for them.
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Alyssa
"Just Got Tubes Tied"?
Girl, holding up white lacey underwear with text across the ass: "Just married"? Shit, they should make a version that says "just divorced."
Victoria's Secret
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: McFreaky
Categories: Default | Girls | Relationships | San Francisco | Stores | Undies | Posted 2008-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Relax-- That Just Means It Likes You
(strange loud sound comes from the plane)
Calm but confused flight attendant: That's weird, I've never heard that before.
Freaked out passenger: Um, excuse me? What?!
Flight to Cancun, Mexico
Categories: Airports & flights | Default | Flight attendants | North America | Public Transportation | Questions | Strangers | Posted 2008-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Whispering, "Your Friends Will Pay for Your Meal"
Girl #1 (pouring a cup of tea): Awww man, it's all the stuff from the bottom.
Girl #2: Oooh! After you drink it, give it to me and I'll read the tea leaves!
Girl #1: (hands the cup to girl #2)
Girl #2 (with a fake British accent): I see a hippogriff!
Guy: I did not just hear that.
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Misaki
So This Summer I Learned How to Snatch-Gargle
20-something chick, pouring wine: I hear wine is a good cure for gonorrhea.
Tiger Noodles
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Brokeass Harem
Categories: Chicks | Default | Drinking & drunks | Food | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Restaurants | STDs | Posted 2008-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Simple Misunderstanding About the Meaning of "Gearhead"
Guy to friend: So now I get text messages from her every day saying she wants to fuck on the hood of my car!
Lehigh University
Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Timbo
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Pennsylvania | Sex | Texting | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Except for Those Four Times
Hot chick to guy: Dude, I know. You're such a good friend. You put up with my shit, and I'm not even blowing you!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: BJs | Chicks | Compliments | Default | Feelings | Massachusetts | Posted 2008-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kenny Chesney Never Mentioned That
Hungover chick: It was the first time I ever gave a blow job...on a tractor.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Shotboy
Categories: BJs | Chicks | Default | Kink | Massachusetts | Memory lane | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yet Another Situation That Calls for Drugs
20-something girl: Rehab totally sucks. The halfway house only has basic cable.
#16 Bus
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: unysmpathetic
Or Be More Attractive
Woman: So, we didn't check the restaurants to see if they had a dress code, so we couldn't eat anywhere because you had to wear pants.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: sxoidmal
You Wanna Do That, the Army's Recruiting Right Down the Block
Customer having lunch: Can I smoke at this table?
Waitress: Honey, you're in Nevada. You can smoke, gamble, drink, screw and cuss. Just don't kill nobody!
Bucket of Blood Saloon
Virgina City, Nevada
Overheard by: Philly Joe
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Crimes | Customers | Default | Drinking & drunks | Employees | Murder | Nevada | Offers and requests | Questions | Smoking | US Geography | Women | Posted 2008-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some People Just Look Better with Misshapen Skulls
Guy #1 (after guy #2 leaves): Man, I hate him so much.
Girl: What? Why?
Guy #1: Ever since he fell out that window and almost died and shit, girls have been all over him. He's a goddam womanizer.
Girl: He is pretty cute.
Houston, Texas
Categories: Compliments | Death & dying | Default | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Insults | Texas | Posted 2008-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
'Cause Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut?
Asian chick: I don't even like pecan pie. Do you?
White chick: I love it!
(long pause)
Asian chick: Why are we friends?
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Virginia
And Maybe Pops a Breath-Mint After Devouring Live Rats?
Girl with bright green hair: My whole family likes him, except for me.
Guy with dreadlocks: Tell them you'll go for him if he wipes off the chrome makeup and stops wearing a black latex trench coat in the summer.
Spokane, Washington
Overheard by: Nina
Categories: Clothes | Default | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bobby Has the Dullest Stream of Consciousness in Wisconsin
Little boy looking at book: Is a noun a noun? Is an adjective an adjective?
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Couch Centaur
Perhaps the Most Horrifying Win-Win Ever
(outside the university library)
Guy #1: So you scored.
Guy #2: And I know the holocaust inside and out.
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Euphemisms | Guys | History | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Been There Since the Eighties
Woman to friend: He didn't know what to do with his chicken, so he stuffed it in his pants.
Stanley Park
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: shiz
Are You Hunting Wabbits?
Drunk girl stumbling down the street with open umbrella on a sunny day: Shhhh, we have to pretend to be sober.
Leeds
England
You Just Can't Get Good Sign-Fetish Porn Domestically
Short brunette teen girl: Haha.
Tall blonde teen girl: What?
Short brunette teen girl: I have clearly been watching too much porn cause I can actually read that sign in Spanish.
Missisauga
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: was the sign advertising a strip club?
I'll Be in Smoking in the Bathroom for the Majority of the Flight
Southern stewardess: In case of a water landing occurring in between Tucson and Las Vegas... (pause) If you are traveling with a spouse or ex-wife be sure to put on your own oxygen mask first so that you have an excuse to leave them on their own.
(later)
Southern stewardess: There are six bathrooms on this Boeing 747, feel free to use any of them if you don't like my jokes. (pause) Oh, and if you have any questions don't ask me, I'm new here.
Flight 280
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: kat
Categories: Airports & flights | Arizona | Default | Family ties | Offers and requests | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2008-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Always Telling Me I Should Have Goals
Little boy (loudly): I want to eat poop.
Mom (who clearly wasn't paying attention): What, honey?
Little boy: I would like to eat poop.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: JessH.
Until the Day I Tried Shepherd's Pie
Enthusiastic guy: I mean, the only thing I hated worse than the word "gist" was eating squash and touching cotton balls.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Guys | Washington | Words | Posted 2008-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I'm Like, "What Are You, Crazy?"
Crazy homeless dude: One time this guy called the cops and said I was waiving a scalpel above my head. They put me in an institution for 72 hours. I kept trying to explain to them why I had the scalpel, and they just kept telling me I wasn't a doctor.
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: Brooke
Categories: California | Crazies | Default | Homeless | Jobs & Careers | Memory lane | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Likes to Go to Parties and Get Fried
Bus driver: So who else is gonna be there?
Passenger: Chicken boy will be there.
Bus driver: "Chicken boy"?
Passenger: Yeah, you know Dave*. That fool always smells like chicken! I always thought it was just me but at a party last week Elizabeth* and her friends all called him "chicken boy" too!
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Dawn
Categories: Bus drivers | Default | Names | Questions | San Francisco | Sensory experiences | Strangers | Posted 2008-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hmm, Yeah-- Maybe We Shouldn't Write Our Own Vows
Male student: This one time I pissed in a trash bag, and I stuck my head in there just to see how bad it would smell.
Female student: What?
Male student: It was so hot and I was like sweating.
Springside School/Chestnut Hill Academy
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: spectaculore
Categories: Default | Pee | Pennsylvania | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sensory experiences | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well You Do Have a Cozy-Looking Mustache...
Texan hottie: Holy hell, its freezing. My lips are numb.
Nerdy guy: Want me to warm them up with mine?
Texan hottie: Ha, you wish.
Nerdy guy: Well... yeah, kinda.
Texan hottie: Oh.
Washington, DC
Categories: Chicks | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Mouth | Washington, DC | Weather | Wishes | Posted 2008-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As the Priest Recommended for Penance
Blonde 20-something #1: I feel awful.
Blonde 20-something #2: Yeah, I'm drinking a beer and then going to church.
Bagel Shop
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Christianity | Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Georgia | Girls | Posted 2008-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Always Chewing Up Movies Like Independence Day
Professor, to VCR: Oh, you socialist!
Tantasqua High School
Fiskdale, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Kat
Categories: Default | Insults | Massachusetts | Politics | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teachers | Posted 2008-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Argument Makes Your Editors So Tired We Must All Take Naps Now
Sorority girl to lit class: So she was all saying that I was totally against feminism if I insisted on shaving my legs. And I said she was totally against feminism if she insisted on being a whore!
University of Nebraska
Lincoln, Nebraska
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Default | Nebraska | Politics | Sexuality | Shaving | Sorority types | Posted 2008-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And We Could Finally Use Pick-up Lines About "Magic Carpet Rides"
Guy #1: Yo, it would be tight to work in a rug store.
Guy #2: Yeah, man. All those different kinds of rugs...
Oakland, California
Overheard by: archidork
Categories: California | Default | Guys | Hair | Jobs & Careers | Vagina | Wishes | Words | Posted 2008-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Obviously Not
Student #1: I have to go to class.
Student #2: Which one?
Student #1: Quantum physics.
Student #2: Is that where you go back in time to set right what once went wrong?
Georgia Southern University
Overheard by: Sydney
But It's Just a Cornish Game Hen
Professor: It must seem like I'm beating you over the head with a frozen chicken breast.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Default | Food | Teachers | Violence | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Christening Is Going to Rock
Girl to friend: I mean, they have everything. I don't need anything... they have gold, knives, drugs...
Friend: (nods in agreement)
Shopper's Drug Mart
Toronto
Canadia
Everyone Breathed a Sigh of Relief When She Began to Chew Ice
Girl: Ohhh, can I show you my sexual frustration?
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Default | Girls | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Adultland" Was the Most Lucrative Disney Attraction in Half a Century
Dad to son in stroller: Here's where we saw the sexy tree!
Disney World Animal Kingdom
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Dads | Default | Florida | Memory lane | Tourist attractions | Words | Posted 2008-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Schoolhouse Rock That Was Too "Edgy" for the U.S.
Math teacher: Use the ratio test if you can expect to cancel out many many factors, like a happy schizophrenic child flailing his factor-canceling-crowbar.
Philippines
Categories: Asia | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Mental illnesses | Teachers | Posted 2008-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Portrait of the Runway Coach As a Young Boy
Seven-year-old boy to small sister at counter: Get out of the line! You on the line and I'm exquisite. I'm exquisite! I'm exquisite! I'm exquisite!
H&M
Washington, DC
Categories: Bragging | Default | Kids | Offers and requests | Stores | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Nunchuck Nipple-Tassels Are No Laughing Matter
Macho dude in Student Government Association: I'll smite you with my boobs!
Cafeteria
Tunxis Community College, Connecticut
Overheard by: Girl in Black
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Connecticut | Default | Guys | Threats | Words | Posted 2008-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ooo--Indian Burrrnnn!
Drunk girl screaming: No one here cares about any of the issues. None of you are from here. That just makes me sick, none of you are fucking from here.
Bus driver over PA: Sweetie, unless your name is Pocahontas, you're not from here either.
NJ Transit Bus
Categories: Bus drivers | Default | Drunks | Geography | Gripes | Insults | Names | New Jersey | Pop culture | Posted 2008-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Preschool Storytime Is Very Different in Canadia
Teacher: There was this black guy streaking at night. I mean, it's not like you could see anything!
Canadia
The Wedding Is On!
Guy about stripper girlfriend: I asked her to get STD tested, but she said she was almost done with her chlamydia medication, so it's all good.
Frisco, Texas
Overheard by: C.D.
And Middle-Aged Women Try to Squeeze Into It
(walking past Victoria's Secret PINK)
Goth #1: Dude, that place sells, like, sexy lingerie for 14-year-olds.
Goth #2: Awesome, dude!
Old Orchard Mall
Skokie, Illinois
In the Meantime All of Our Popsicles Taste Like Mr. Waggles
Prof: So, how's everything at home?
Italian cafe worker: My dog died.
Prof: Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Was he old?
Italian cafe worker: Yes. But I can't bury him. The ground is frozen. There's snow.
Prof: You could have him cremated.
Italian cafe worker: I have him in my freezer. I had to clear it out, my freezer. All the food is out. I'm going to keep him there 'til mud season when I can bury him in the backyard.
Prof: Oh.
Landmark College
Putney, Vermont
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Death & dying | Default | Employees | Foreigners | Teachers | Vermont | Weather | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dear Diary--Made a New Friend Today!
Hipster: So my girlfriend was sketching me naked when I went home. So I was sitting there, you know... naked. And then her parents walked in.
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Body parts | Default | Family ties | Hipsters | Massachusetts | Relationships | Posted 2008-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Time Gives White People the Illusion They Understand Black People
Professor talking about the Canterbury tales: So the friar has this gold pin he wears, he wears it under his neck to keep his hood closed . . . It's bling!
(class laughs)
Professor: I never want to hear anyone say I'm not up on the times. They had this article in Time magazine, it was an interview with a rapper, the guy's name was "fifty cents."
(class laughs)
Professor: But I'm cool, and I know that it's not "fifty cents," it's "fiddy."
Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia
Except for the One Guy Who Said I Could Use a Cup
Bimbette shouting from crowd: Why does everyone want me to eat shit out of their mouths today?
Michigan Tech
Houghton, Michigan
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Euphemisms | Michigan | Poop | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Worst Case Scenario for The Gap's PR Department
Woman on cell: Uh, yeah, I'm standing in, uh... Old Navy. See you in a bit!
The Gap, Crossgates Mall
Albany, New York
Overheard by: unhappy gapper
Does Your Dad Own a Cow Parts Store, or Something?
Girl looking at a picture of someone milking a cow: Oh my god, look at the size of the testicles on this cow!
Embarrassed friend: Um, that's its udder.
Ohio State University
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Friends | Girls | Ohio | Stupidity | Posted 2008-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
911 Isn't As Effective in Canadia
Guy on cell: You know you're the only person who calls this number. You have to stop!
St. Catharines
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Meg
Categories: Canadia | Default | Guys | Offers and requests | On the phone | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Good Cargo Pocket Comes in Handy for Almost Anything
Police officer: So that's when they started pulling baseball bats out of their pants?
Guy: Yeah, baseball bats and machetes!
Tysons Corner
Fairfax County, Virginia
Overheard by: Jack
What's This Baby Poking Out of Me?
Girl on cell: I can't tell if I'm losing weight from softball or gaining weight from being hungry all the time.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Default | Diet & weight | Girls | On the phone | Stupidity | Posted 2008-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After Instating a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Policy
Guy to date: She cheated on me, so I dumped her. Then I cheated on her and two weeks later we were back together.
Freehold, New Jersey
Categories: Default | Guys | Infidelity | Memory lane | New Jersey | Posted 2008-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dr. Lecter Grocery Shops at the Preschool Picnic
Single guy at preschool picnic surrounded by pretty MILFs: Clean, perfumed mommy flesh!
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Made me laugh
Categories: California | Compliments | Default | Guys | Sensory experiences | Words | Posted 2008-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stupidest. Exercise DVD. Ever
Dude: You have ovaries of steel.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Default | Guys | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Future, Refrain from Writing "Fuck All Bitches" in Your Essays
Sociology professor: Did you ever listen to something the first time and like it, and then later on you change your mind? Like a song you listen to for the second time says "fuck all bitches" and you decide you don't like it after that?
Long Island University
New York
Overheard by: Ashley M.
Can We Write a Theme Song About You with That Lyric?
Lady, bumping into female cop in crowded elevator: Oh! Excuse me.
Female cop: Hey, if my boobs don't getcha, my ass will.
Justice Center
El Paso County, Colorado
Dude, If You're Sick Of Lecturing, Think How We Feel
Professor: Man, I'm sick of this lecture. Let's just leave.
Johnson and Wales University
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Misaki
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Gripes | Offers and requests | Rhode Island | Teachers | Posted 2008-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Told Her to Stop Watching Degrassi
Girl on cell: Are you tryin' to say it's my fault she kept thinking she was pregnant every Thursday?
Berkeley, California
Categories: California | Default | Girls | Pregnancy | Questions | Posted 2008-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Tiara Helps But Not Much
Hobo to pretty girl walking by: You remind me of Mona Lisa! Man, I wish I were that pretty!
Mass Ave
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Michelle
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Hobos | Massachusetts | Pop culture | Posted 2008-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Somebody Check the Vatican Website for Me
Ethics professor: Killing drug dealers is okay, but killing priests is wrong. Wait, I may have that backwards...
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Question Asked. Question Answered
Drunk blonde girl #1: I love those shoes. Where did you get them?
Drunk blonde girl #2 (in a haze, looking at drunk girl #3): I don't know. (to drunk girl #3) Gail, where did I get your shoes?
Frat Party
UC Berkeley, California
Overheard by: Uncle Salty
Categories: California | Clothes | Compliments | Default | Drunks | Girls | Questions | Posted 2008-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Keeps Trying to Stage a Comeback, Though
Hobo #1: No matter how you look at it, a swastika is still a swastika.
Hobo #2: (nods in agreement)
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Adam
Why Parachute Pants Are Making a Comeback
Girl: I will pull my pants up and show you I am not hairy!
University of Maryland
College Park, Maryland
Guess Which One His Wife Just Tells Him Is a Law
Professor: People break laws all the time, like stop signs and oral sex.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: BJs | Crimes | Default | Overheard at UMBC | Teachers | Posted 2008-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Arlene Was Quickly Eliminated at the Grammar Rodeo
Middle aged redneck woman: Yeah, or I'm gonna get more sicker!
Redneck friend: There's no such thing as "more sicker." It's a double negative.
Middle aged redneck woman: Yeah! Double sicker!
Oneonta, New York
Overheard by: Caroline
Then Yells at Me for Throwing Her Thongs Out of It
Skinny brunette: I hate her! I hate her so much!
Fat chick: Why? What did she do this time?
Skinny brunette: It's just the same stuff. She hangs her thongs on the wall, and they keep multiplying. Plus, she leaves the window opened.
Sarah Lawrence College
Bronxville, New York
Categories: Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Default | Fat people | Feelings | Gripes | New York | Undies | Posted 2008-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Spoken Like a Guy Who's Never Gotten Wake-Up Head
Psych professor: Yeah... Snickers bars... top of the list. Best things you can put in your mouth without asking permission.
Harvard Psychology Lecture
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I prefer Kit-Kats
Categories: Advice | Candy | Colleges & Universities | Default | Massachusetts | Teachers | Posted 2008-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Really Came in Handy When I Gave Birth to a Baby Bird
20-something girl (stocking groceries): Oh! I remember when my mom used to make it for me. It was delicious. She made it while I was pregnant... I'd eat it and every morning I'd throw it all back up. It was still delicious coming back up!
Norwalk, California
Overheard by: who wishes he hadn't heard it while grocery shopping
Categories: California | Default | Family ties | Food | Girls | Memory lane | Posted 2008-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Know What I Mean
Girl to friend: I gave my ostrich a fur coat.
Rich Catholic Girls School
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Default | Euphemisms | Girls | Hair | Missouri | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Vagina | Posted 2008-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Bambi Theme Party Was a Better Idea in Theory Than in Practice
Party host to guest: Watch out for the skunk in the bathroom.
Guest: What?
Party host: Seriously.
Columbus, Indiana
Overheard by: Projection1234
And We're Almost Out of Birdseed
Preppy chick to friend: ...and I was thinking of Puppy Chow for dessert tonight because, you know, it's easy to make.
Ohio State University
Overheard by: GameBoy Kid
Because I Really Need to Work on My Reverse-Cowgirl
Girl on cell: So I learned over the weekend that my parents are swingers. I know, it was so weird! It's like, okay, so on the weekends you go out and have sex with other people... Yeah... Do we have practice today?
College of Saint Benedict
St. Joseph, Minnesota
Overheard by: Rose
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | Girls | Minnesota | Questions | Sex | Posted 2008-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Always Calling Them Fat and Poking at Their Thighs
Girl, pointing at KFC: Don't eat there. They're mean to the chickens.
Keene, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Really?
Categories: Animals | Default | Girls | New Hampshire | Offers and requests | Violence | Posted 2008-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Either That or Christina Aguilera
Tween boy: I'm going to make Buddha the theme of my Bar Mitzvah.
Uninterested yuppie mom: Mmhmmm.
TJ Maxx
Swampscott, Massachusetts
Overheard by: money well spent
If I Don't, I'll Become a Grouch
Huge black guy to other (in fake British accent): Sir Oscar! Are you attempting to take a break?
LA Fitness
Tempe, Arizona
Have I Got a Girl for You
Male student: I just... can't control my erections.
Library, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Erections | Gripes | Guys | Students | Washington | Posted 2008-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I May Also Be Kin to This Cheeseburger
Slightly crazy lady to older man sitting nearby: Hey! You look like my uncle Smitty! Are you kin to me?
Old man, startled: Um, no, I don't think so.
Lady: Well, you never know. I did that genealogy thing and it turns out that I am kin to Pocahontas, Thomas Jefferson and half the men that died at The Alamo.
Dan's Hamburgers
Austin, Texas
Categories: Compare and contrast | Crazies | Default | Family ties | Old folks | Pop culture | Questions | Restaurants | Texas | Women | Posted 2008-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Interestingly, Gay Recruiters Use the Same Argument
Drunk guy: Foreplay? What the fuck is that!?
Edmonton
Canadia
Overheard by: B_friendly
The I Love Lucy Episode You'll Never See on TV
Gay guy #1: So does he have a boyfriend?
Gay guy #2: Yes.
Gay guy #1: Is he easy to kill?
Gay guy #2: Yes.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Default | Murder | Queers | Questions | Relationships | Washington | Posted 2008-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ooo-- Actually, I Forgot I Had These Nunchucks
Policeman opening doors of Social Security office: Before I let you in, does anyone have any weapons?
Tiny old lady jumping the queue: Just my fist!
Wilkesboro, North Carolina
Overheard by: Jen
Luckily They Never Exceed 10 MPH
Girl on the street (looking at cars go by): Have you ever noticed how old people are like drunk people driving?
Fairfax, California
Categories: Age and ageing | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Questions | Posted 2008-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Seymour Glass Was Such a Sensitive Child
Little boy (pointing to a plastic butterfly): Mommy, what's that?
Mom: That's a butterfly. Do you like butterflies?
Little boy (timidly): No...
Mom: Why not?
Little boy: They hurt me.
The Mall
Victoria
Canadia
Laura and Her Voice of Reason Were Eventually Driven Out of Millersville with Torches
Girl #1: She finally cleaned up the dog crap!
Girl #2: What? Her dog crapped in the house?
Girl #1: No, but it was all over the front yard. Can you imagine me trying to walk through that drunk?
Guy: I'm pretty sure that what happens when you're drunk is your responsibility. Getting trashed doesn't make stepping in dog shit someone else's fault.
Girl #1: Don't hate! Oh my god!
Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Guys | Pennsylvania | Poop | Posted 2008-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Still Think It Would Be Sad If California Fell Into the Ocean?
Bimbette in line for concert: Wait, like, when is New Year's Eve? Is it the 30th or the 31st?
Boyfriend: It's the 30th. New Year's Day is the 31st.
Chain Reaction
Anaheim, California
Overheard by: oldest person at the show
But Otherwise She's a Fantastic Therapist
Man on phone: Yeah, everything with her is great. Only thing is, she keeps trying to talk my cousin and his wife into a threesome...
London
England
Overheard by: Ren
Categories: Compliments | Default | England | Family ties | Guys | On the phone | Sex | Posted 2008-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Also Found Fifty Cents, a Rubber Band, and a Playbill from Cats
(during a film in a movie theater)
Girl #1 (whispering): Ow, something's itching me--I think there's something in my bra. (gasps) Oh my god!
Girl #2: What is it!?
Girl #1: I just found a condom in my bra and I think it was from last night but I don't remember putting it there!
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Condoms | Girls | Memory lane | Posted 2008-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Never "Wasted" If You're Using It on the Ones You Love
Random guy: Dudes! I just wasted 30,000 feet of caution tape!
Sheetz
Pennsylvania
Categories: Default | Guys | Pennsylvania | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Get Out Your Helmets
Little girl in changing stall: I feel a Britney Spears moment coming on!
Salvation Army
Hadley, Massachusetts
Categories: About celebrities | Default | Feelings | Kids | Massachusetts | Posted 2008-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As A Matter of Fact, Yes
Woman deli worker to male worker: Three dollar juice? Shit, what are you, a millionaire?
eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Eavesdrop DC | Money | Questions | Women | Posted 2008-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Just Wanted an Excuse to Punch a Sandwich, Didn't You?
College guy: He's going to be the kind of teacher who punches his kids' sandwiches. Peanut butter and jelly? I don't think so! Peanut butter and smush!
ECU Dining Hall
Greenville, North Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Food | Guys | North Carolina | Violence | Posted 2008-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Only Get Circumsized Once, Sweetie
Mother to four-year-old in doctor's waiting room: Come on, Sam*, we're next.
Sam: Are we seeing the doctor?
Mother: Yup.
Sam: (pause) Well, okay. As long as he doesn't look at my penis.
Hurstbridge Medical Center
Hurstbridge
Australia
Categories: Australia | Default | Doctor's office | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Moms | Names | Penis | Posted 2008-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Teacher: Every Damn Day I Try To Ditch That Chick At The Corner
Distressed girl in dining hall: Her questions go in a circle, then down to the corner and back. Except the teacher thinks they come all the way back but no, they don't. I'm still down at the corner thinking to myself, "Where the fuck am I?!"
Cornell College, Iowa
Really Made My Woodwind Stand at Attention
Teenage male #1: Wow! You smell really different today!
Teenage male #2: Yeah, my clarinet teacher changed her hair product.
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compliments | Sensory experiences | Teens | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Strangely Less Inappropriate
Bro #1: You were about to make fun of a girl who was missing a hand!
Bro #2 (defensively): An arm!
Rogue Valley Mall
Medford, Oregon
Men Want You to Want Them, It's That Simple
Girl: So, you're like, a guy, right?
Guy: Um, yeah.
Girl: What would you want for Valentine's Day?
Guy: Sex.
Girl: Oh. I mean as a present.
Guy: Yeah. Still sex.
Georgetown, Washington DC
Knowing She's Got the Biggest Package in Town
Frat boy #1: Wait... so they didn't rape her?
Frat boy #2: No dude, turns out she had a penis. Now every time I see the girl I throw up a little in my mouth.
Laramie, Wyoming
Categories: Frat boy types | Penis | Questions | Sex | USA | Posted 2008-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Someone Added a "Y" to the "Ga" Square
(five ditzy girls are looking at a big poster of the periodic table of the elements, and laughing)
Boy, walking up: What's so funny?
Girl: Haha! One of the squares says "Bi"! Hahaha... like "bisexual!"
UT Austin
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Bismuth.
Nice Kevlar Shirt, by the Way
Dude: That guy totally has a gun.
Chick (offended): Just because he has sunglasses doesn't mean he has a gun!
High School
Englewood, Colorado
I'm Known As the Paul Revere of Gaudy Accessories
Lesbian with terrible tie: I am the vanguard of the revolution.
Cozy Corner Diner & Pancake House
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Bragging | Default | Illinois | Lesbos | Restaurants | Posted 2008-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is My Little Brother Getting Sober?
Frat boy to another: Dude, why do we always act like such assholes?
National Zoo
Washington, DC
Overheard by: keeeeem
Categories: Assholes | Default | Frat boy types | Questions | Tourist attractions | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Gospel Rap Song That's Sweeping the Charts
(group bows heads and man begins to pray)
Girl (just realizing prayer has started): Oh! Holy shit! We're praying?!
Shawnee Mission Park
Shawnee, Kansas
Relationships Have Been Built on Less
Skinny girl to prettier friend: You can't toss him a mercy fuck every time his father dies.
Arby's
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Gwen West
Categories: Advice | Arizona | Death & dying | Default | Girls | Restaurants | Sex | Posted 2008-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Montreal's Porn Industry Has All the Latest Technology
Girl: Oh, hold on, I have to ejaculate my disk.
Montreal
Quebec
Canadia
Londoners: "Talk to the Hand"
Guy #1: Man, it's all cloudy down there.
Guy #2: Yeah...
Guy #1: You know, that's the problem with America... we have a lot of clouds.
Newark Airport, New Jersey
Overheard by: Romulo Escamilla
Categories: Airports & flights | Default | Guys | New Jersey | Stupidity | Weather | Posted 2008-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where Would You Find Feather Boas That Small?
Cute girl: Do you think I could make money if I started a toe burlesque?
Chambersburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: gidgetgirl
One With a Minimum-Wage Support Staff
Student to college secretary: Have any peppermints?
Receptionist: As in candy?
Student: Yeah. Peppermints.
Receptionist: Um, no?
Student: What kind of a dumb-ass school doesn't have peppermints?!?
University for Women
Mississippi
Overheard by: Megan S.
Categories: Candy | Colleges & Universities | Default | Insults | Mississippi | Questions | Students | Women | Posted 2008-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Their Births Were Heralded by a New Star
Man to date: Kim Jong-il is one. Your stepfather is another.
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Joy
Categories: Alabama | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Guys | Names | Posted 2008-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Okay, Now You're Just Doing It on Purpose
Mother in bathroom stall with four-year-old son: No, no, you're peeing on mommy. Aim lower! Aim lower!
Chili's
Augusta, Georgia
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Georgia | Moms | Offers and requests | Parenting | Pee | Posted 2008-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So the Kardashians Are Safe
Girl: Oh my god, that is so slutty!
Guy: Not it's not! Sluts in unison aren't as slutty.
Georgetown University
Washington, DC
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Peer Pressure Is Overwhelming
20-something suit on cell (angrily): But mom, you don't understand! Everyone I know is already on the folk dancing team!
Brigham Young University
Provo, Utah
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Dancing | Default | Gripes | On the phone | Suits | Utah | Posted 2008-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pubes Happen the Same Way
12-year-old boy: One day, I looked in the mirror, and I had abs! It was cool!
Swim Meet
Albany, New York
Categories: Body parts | Bragging | Default | Memory lane | New York | Tweens | Posted 2008-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Most Emmy Winners Would've Preferred That Too
Moody college girl on phone: No, I have to go the macro class right now and pretend to be a Republican. If you don't agree with the professor, you're wrong.
(pause)
Moody college girl: Yeah, if I can pull this off I deserve an Emmy, or an Oscar. Hell, I'll take a cookie!
Northeastern University
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Food | Girls | Gripes | Grumpies | Massachusetts | Politics | Posted 2008-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Breast Display Units
Manly hipster #1: She's been really into these half sweater type things lately.
Manly hipster #2: Yeah, they're called "shrugs".
TOAD
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Clothes | Default | Hipsters | Massachusetts | Words | Posted 2008-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Orange Really Is the Prettiest Color
Hobo to another: Well, I think I have a very nice smile.
Burlington, Vermont
Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Girls But Were Afraid to Ask
Teen girl #1: Ugh, I get so gassy when I'm on my rag.
Teen girl #2: I'm just gassy all the time!
Teen girl #1: Ugh, I know.
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Default | Gender issues | Girls | Gripes | Sensory experiences | Teens | Posted 2008-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...After Those Pictures Surface of Him in the Cone-Bra
Middle-aged Jewish lady with thick Queens accent flipping through People magazine: So, what do you think about this whole thing with Madonna?
90-year-old man sitting next to her: Who?
Middle-aged Jewish lady: Madonna.
Man: Who?
Middle-aged Jewish lady: Madonna.
Man: Who?
Middle-aged Jewish lady: Madonna!
Man: Oh! The colored guy! Yeah, I don't think he'll win.
Jetblue Flight
Florida to New York
Overheard by: JoeQ
Categories: About celebrities | Airports & flights | Default | Florida | Jews | New York | Old folks | Questions | Posted 2008-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Bite The Hand That... Never Mind
College girl to friends eating waffle fries: Yeah, and she had the "smelly hand syndrome." It was really serious. And smelly.
UCF Campus
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Jen
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Florida | Girls | Hands | Maladies | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All I Was Going to Say Was "Your Fly Is Open"
Girl: Okay, what?
Friend: I'm just saying that it's...
Girl: Okay, stop talking if you are going to try and convince me that having sex with strangers is bad!
Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Advice | Friends | Girls | Massachusetts | Sex | Posted 2008-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Ronald Reagan Was Our Greatest President!" Haha!
Professor: Will someone please close the door? I don't want anyone else to hear the stupid things I say. Oh, wait, I have tenure now--I don't care if they hear me saying stupid things!
Georgia State University
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Georgia | Jobs & Careers | Offers and requests | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2008-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wow--Guess You're in Love With the Boy
Girl #1: What is meant to be will always find its way.
Girl #2: Oh, don't give me that crap right now!
UCLA, California
Overheard by: Mallory
Categories: Advice | California | Colleges & Universities | Etiquette | Girls | Philosophy | Posted 2008-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Tend to Get Saucy
Supervisor to trainee: Don't be afraid of the tomatoes.
Safeway
Rockville, Maryland
Yeah, We Read the Admissions Brochure
College guy from dorm room window to tour group: If your daughters are virgins they won't be for long!
Miami University
Oxford, Ohio
Overheard by: sarah
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Etiquette | Family ties | Guys | Ohio | Virginity | Posted 2008-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Says The US Is Last In Geography?
Chick: I can never place his accent--it's like he lives south- but his accent's eastern too.
Guy: Maybe he lives... south east? I don't know.
Chick: No, he lives in Illinois- that's north-south.
New York
We Need to Cast the Next Season of America's Next Top Model
Lady in late twenties to male companion: Where is my list of ugly people?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: someone who would like to read that list
Categories: Beauty | Default | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Women | Posted 2008-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Swear On This Stack of Flannel Shirts
Drunk sorority girl: I swear, I'm not gay! I just crush a lot.
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Categories: Default | Drunks | New York | Sexuality | Sorority types | Posted 2008-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fuck Imitation, Rape Is the Sincerest Form of Flattery
Brother: How come mom drives all the way to the mall to get you but I have to take the bus home?
Sister: I don't know, I guess she thinks it isn't safe.
Brother: Oh yeah, I forgot girls are helpless.
Sister: Uh, probably because I'm more likely to get raped and beaten!
Brother: Ooooh, look at miss popular.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Gender issues | Gripes | Parenting | Pennsylvania | Siblings | Posted 2008-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Right, That Is U.S. Foreign Policy
Waitress talking in the kitchen: I'm going to come back there and smack you till you smile. (now sings loudly) I'm going to come back there and smack you till you smile!
International House of Pancakes
Kansas
Drive-by Guiltings Are Far Too Common in Marin County
Mother to daughter: Come on!
(daughter rolls eyes and follows)
Random man to young girl: Is that your mother? You should be thrilled! Mine's dead!
Marin County, California
Categories: California | Death & dying | Default | Family ties | Moms | Offers and requests | Questions | Strangers | Posted 2008-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Don't Make These Up
Annoying daughter: Ewww, don't order broccoli pizza. That's gross!
White trash mom: Smell my armpit.
Annoying daughter: Okay!
White trash mom: Here, smell this one too.
Roma Pizza
Ocean City, New Jersey
Overheard by: grossed out
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Food | Gripes | Kids | Moms | New Jersey | Offers and requests | Restaurants | Posted 2008-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What a Great Piece of Ash
(at the woodcarving tent)
Pretentious old lady to others: Mike does amazing things with his wood. (pause) I just *love* his wood.
Art & Wine Festival
Cave Creeek, Arizona
Overheard by: J-Kap
Categories: Arizona | Default | Drinking & drunks | Euphemisms | Old folks | Posted 2008-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Portrait of the Social Worker As a Young Girl
Eight-year-old girl standing on shopping carriage to mother 15 feet away: Do not leave your child unattended! (slight pause) Mom! Get over here!
Wal-Mart
Seabrook, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Amanda
Categories: Default | Girls | Gripes | Kids | New Hampshire | Offers and requests | Parenting | Stores | Posted 2008-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're on to You, Kathy Griffin
Exceedingly pale college guy: You can't trust redheads. They don't blink their eyes at the same time.
Exceedingly pale high school guy: (nods in understanding)
Arby's
Tempe, Arizona
Or That She's My Girlfriend
Man: My girlfriend doesn't know it yet, but I'm going to get her pregnant.
Ottawa, Canadia
Overheard by: amanda
Kiss Me, KKKate Runs Into Trouble in Rehearsals
Girl #1: Jane*, I've gotten worse...
Girl #2: At what?
Girl #1: At hating Jews.
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Laughing hysterically
Technically, Mom Had the Affair to Get Out of a Parking Ticket
Girl #1: So then my mom turns to me and says "You're waiting till marriage before you have sex? What if it's really bad sex?"
Girl #2: If you really love the person it won't be bad.
Girl #1: My thinking exactly! But then my sister pipes up "She can just have an affair for good sex... like you, mom!"
Escondido, California
Categories: California | Default | Family ties | Girls | Infidelity | Sex | Posted 2008-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Go to Med School?
20-something girl on cell: I'm sunburnt, drunk, and Asian, so why not? Why not?
The Wildcat Lounge
Santa Barbara, California
Categories: Bars & Clubs | California | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Gripes | Questions | Race | Posted 2008-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Ginseng, St. John's Wort, Some Gravel from the Driveway, a Lego...
Tattooed guy: I once tried to smoke Aloe vera.
Taste of India
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Categories: Default | Guys | Memory lane | Minnesota | Restaurants | Smoking | Posted 2008-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And We're in Some War Someplace?
Professor to suits: Did you watch the news last night? Apparently Dumbledore's gay now!
UC Davis
Davis, California
Overheard by: Passing Biker
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Default | Games | Sexuality | Teachers | Posted 2008-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Thank You, Brother Fish, for Feeding Me," I Said
Hipster to buddies: Look, all I'm saying is, that fish made me feel so special.
Stumptown Coffee
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Addison
Think of Yourself As Spencer, from The Hills
Guy to another: Dude, she's way out of your league. She's in the Majors and you're a tee-ball coach with questionable photos on your computer.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Eavesdrop DC | Euphemisms | Guys | Posted 2008-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Barkeep, Another Hot Toddy for My Toddler!
Hipster girl: I know a couple people who have to wear diapers when they drink!
Old Tavern Bar & Grill
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: kat
Categories: Bars & Clubs | California | Drinking & drunks | Hipsters | Pee | Restaurants | Posted 2008-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then How Come the Teacher Won't Let Us Wear Red?
Guy in men's room: Come on, it's first year Spanish, not life on the streets.
University of Guelph
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Education | Guys | Posted 2008-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Massah, I Sho Is Happy You Dink I's Ah Nice Negro
Redneck: I'm not racist or anything, I mean, this guy was a pretty nice nigger. He didn't even try to steal my money.
Adrian, Michigan
I'm Sorry, I Thought You Said "Long"
Peeing guy #1: Jesus Christ, how tall are you?
Peeing guy #2: Six three.
Peeing guy #1: How did I never notice this before?
Peeing guy #2: Why did you have to notice at a urinal?
Arclight Cinema Men's Room
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Matt W.
Categories: Body parts | California | Default | Guys | Questions | Restroom | Weirdness | Posted 2008-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Store Really Shouldn't Stock Them in the Produce Department
(kids looking at strawberry flavored condoms)
Kid #1: Strawberries!
Kid #2: No, they're strawberry balloons.
Kid #3 (shocked): No, they're condoms!
All 3 kids: Arrghhh.
Supermarket
Melbourne
Australia
Seriously, How Do You People Live There Without Giggling?
Soccer mom: I'm sorry, but if I were your neighbor, I would not share an opossum with you!
Nail Salon
Cumming, Georgia
Let's Stick to First Abortions, Okay?
Professor: I want you to write about the first time you did something. It can be anything. The first time you rode a bike. The first time you made a baby. (awkward pause) Wait!
Syracuse University
New York
A Cantaloupe Bong Isn't an "Invention", Per Se...
Thug: So I just need somewhere to test my invention...
Washington, DC
Overheard by: can't help but wonder...
Categories: Thugs | Washington, DC | Wishes | Posted 2008-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Animal Cracker Coming Up
Kid: (burps loudly)
Mom: What was that?
Kid: I think it was a lion.
Little Leage Game
Ft. Worth, Texas
Overheard by: DeeDon
Sentences Involving "Mom" and "Underwear" Aren't Typically a Recipe for Normalcy
Teenage girl #1: Oh my god, did I tell you my mom is wearing thong underwear?
Teenage girl #2: Oh my god, that is so weird!
Old Navy Store
Kansas City, Missouri
Having Missionary Sex Was Like Going on a Slip-n-Slide
Guy: Remember "sweaty boobs"?
Girl: What?
Guy: Remember he broke up with her because she had sweaty boobs!
Porter Exchange
Somerville, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Dave
Categories: Default | Girls | Guys | Insults | Massachusetts | Memory lane | Questions | Rack | Posted 2008-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Take Your Side Ponytail With You
Drunk (just thrown out): I bet if had really big boobs you'd let me back in.
Cop working security for the club: No, actually we wouldn't.
Drunk: What, you don't like big boobs?
Cop: Not on dudes.
Drunk: Huh? No, I mean if I was a chick.
Cop: You'd make a really ugly chick.
Drunk: Huh?
Cop: Get the fuck out of here.
Nightclub
Scottsdale, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Bars & Clubs | Beauty | Cops | Default | Drunks | Gender issues | Rack | Posted 2008-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Am I the Only Goat Nanny in New Orleans?
Elderly woman on cell: Hello? What? How many goats? Give it to Nancy*. Just leave it on her porch. It's just one and I don't want it. (long pause) Put it there and ring the doorbell. I don't care how you do it, I'm on vacation, don't bother me. (hangs up phone)
Louis Armstrong International Airport
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: T Perk
Bestiality Baaaad!
Art history professor: Those long ship voyages... you're looking at the sheep, the sheep's looking back at you, and "hey!"
Allegheny College
Meadville, Pennsylvania
Categories: Class | Pennsylvania | Stupidity | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Both of Which Are Exceptions Under the Geneva Conventions
Girl: Erin's beating people.
Security guard: You're not really beating people, are you?
Erin: It's my birthday. Besides, it was someone I know.
Halifax
Nova Scotia
Canadia
Overheard by: girl in the front row
They Should Decide These Cases on a Human-by-Human Basis
Woman in suede coat with shearling trim: They put greater value on a human life than on an animal's. Terrible.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Poogins
Categories: Animals | California | Default | Feelings | Philosophy | Posted 2008-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook