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July 2008 Archives
In the World Of Work, 8 A.M. Is Like Noon
Freshman, before 8 am final: My internal alarm clock was like, "Dude, I didn't fucking go off!"
Burlington, Vermont
Categories: Body parts | Default | Guys | Time Management | Vermont | Posted 2008-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Photo of the Kitten in the Shoe Was Oddly Arousing, Though
Drunk girl #1: That's the first men's bathroom I've ever been in that didn't have porn mags!
Drunk girl #2: Not ones that you could see!
Lincoln, Nebraska
Especially With Their Eyes Shut
Guy: If someone was legally blind, it would be really hard for them to see in here.
Revenge of the Mummy ride, Universal Studios
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Default | Florida | Guys | Sensory experiences | Stupidity | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now I Go to the Nursing Home and Do That to Grandma
Mom passing rows of whole fish: When I was a little girl, I used to poke their raw eyeballs with my finger!
Little boy: Wow!
Pike Market
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: wow indeed
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Default | Hands | Kids | Memory lane | Moms | Tourist attractions | Washington | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is There Ever a Viable Reason for Riverdancing?
Guy to friend: Do you have a reason to riverdance on my testicles?
Boone, North Carolina
...Roll Videotape, Please
Professor: Then the electrons are passed around like a hot potato or, you know, a cheerleader.
Radford University, Virginia
How Little You Wear Under It Is Up to You
Woman holding long sweater: Excuse me, do you work here?
Employee: Yes.
Woman: What is this? Is this a dress?
Employee: It's one of those... long... sweaters...
H&M, Water Tower Place
Chicago, Illinois
Probably the Funniest Thing Ever Uttered in a Statistics Class
Indian professor with thick accent: Okay class. If I flip this coin 50 times, what is the probability that I get head?
Dude in the back: Man, I could flip a coin 100 times and I'm still not gettin' head.
(class bursts into hysterical laughter)
Indian professor: What? What did I say?
Statistics Class, George Washington University
Washington, DC
If I Show Up Late, They'll Devour Me After Intercourse
Man on cell: Hey man! Sorry I couldn't make it, I've got tons of widows waiting on me!
Eccles Tennis center
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Brittni
At Soon As I Get My Video Camera
Energetic little boy: Can I punch him?
Harassed mom: You can punch him later.
Lake Arrowhead, California
It's Easily Mistaken for a Leak in the Basement
Galveston woman: I swear, when I first met Sheila 20 years ago she looked middle-aged. She still looks middle-aged.
Guest from California: Maybe she discovered the fountain of middle age.
Galveston, Texas
Overheard by: Chas
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Memory lane | Names | Texas | Women | Posted 2008-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why They Only Buy Button-Down Shirts
Mother admonishing her child for sticking his head through the bars in a fence: You do not put your head through anything. Ever.
Disney World
Florida
Overheard by: Becca
Categories: Advice | Body parts | Default | Florida | Moms | Parenting | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So the Liberal Media Would Have Us Believe
Woman: How old is that bible?
Clerk (picking it up): 1911.
Woman: Thats the first one?
Clerk: First what?
Woman: First bible.
Clerk: (astonished silence)
Resale Shop
Hammond, Indiana
Gambling, on the Other Hand...
Conductor: Next and final stop: Atlantic City, folks!
(several passengers give confused and bewildered looks)
Conductor: Yeah, I changed my mind. I don't like Trenton.
Trenton, New Jersey
Overheard by: passenger
Categories: Conductors | Default | New Jersey | Public Transportation | US Geography | Posted 2008-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Any Questions?
Professor: All the crazies kept moving from the East Coast to the west until they hit California. Some moved back to Oklahoma, but the rest of us just hope there's an earthquake and California floats off into the Mediterranean to become a homeland for Palestinians.
Carroll College
Waukesha, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Abbey
All the Good Books Are Made Into Movies, Anyway
Teen son: I really want to read a book, I don't know why.
Mother: No, it's such a waste of money.
Target
Voorhees, New Jersey
Overheard by: deno
Where Are You Going with This?
Drunk: Two of my three girlfriends just dumped me. I'm looking for replacements.
Cute blonde: Do you like beer?
Drunk: Yes.
Cute blonde: In your face?
Carlton
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: itookherhome
And We've Got This Whole Textbook for the Class to Share
(math test is interrupted by a loud construction drill in the next room).
Student: Oh my god, I can't take this test anymore! Can you tell them to stop, please?!
Teacher: Heh... At least there aren't bullets flying over your head.
Concord High School
California
Overheard by: When I was in Vietnam
Categories: California | Education | Feelings | Gripes | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Violence | Posted 2008-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Bet You Say That to All the Girls
(outside of a coffee shop downtown late at night)
Hipster chick: So then I went to the store and found out the shoes were discontinued but...
Creepy guy (with unzipped and unbuttoned pants): What are you guys talking about? Can I talk or are you going to kick me out?
Hipster chick: Uh... (looks around for a quick exit) No man, you can stay. We're talking about shoes.
Creepy guy: You're so hot. No, really. I would kiss you like you'd never think about shoes again.
Akron, Ohio
Overheard by: Julia M
Categories: Clothes | Compliments | Creepsters | Default | Etiquette | Hipsters | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Kink | Ohio | Strangers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's a Lot More Complicated
Friend #1: I totally agree about simple dates. I think a great date would be for me and a guy to just ride a concubine together.
(pause)
Friend #2: You mean a "combine"?
Kansas City, Missouri
How I Met Your Mother
Drunk man to woman passing by: Fornication is evil! Thou shalt be kind to your neighbours!
Woman: Yeah, well, god built the Nevada desert and the Colorado River and then we came and built the Hoover Dam, leaving people without water or resources. So just by being here we're fucking over our neigbours.
Drunk man: Can I kiss you?
Outside The Flamingo
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Steph
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Evil | Gripes | Nevada | Strangers | US Geography | Women | Posted 2008-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then It Was really Sacrilegious When We Made Out
Teen girl #1: Remember when you were Jesus and I was Satan?
Teen girl #2: Yeah.
Upper Hutt
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
Categories: Evil | Girls | God | Memory lane | New Zealand | Questions | Teens | Posted 2008-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Better Have to Swim Through Her Blood When We Disembark
Metro announcement: The Red Line is experiencing delays due to a sick customer at Farragut North... Trains will share tracks at Gallery Place and Metro Center.
Man on metro: How sick was this customer?
Woman on metro: She better be dead, I'll tell you that.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: jposkin
Categories: Death & dying | Default | Guys | Maladies | Public Transportation | Strangers | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2008-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Why Everybody Loves Her
Middle school guy #1: Dude, look at Raymond and tell me he doesn't look like my dad's girlfriend.
Middle school guy #2: What? No way!
Middle school guy #1: It's true. She looks just like Raymond, except she has a woman's body.
Coal Hill, Arkansas
Categories: Arkansas | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Guys | Names | Posted 2008-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Why I Have This Black Eye
(goth girl walks by two high school girls)
Girl #1: What is that?!
Girl #2: She's a goth.
Girl #1: Whats a goth?
Girl #2: You know, people who wear black and lots of makeup and listen to sad music.
Girl #1: Ohhhh, that's what they're called. I just call them people who need Jesus.
Albany, New York
But I'm Practicing for My Wedding Night!
Father shouting out of house: Jacinta! Get off that cow! You'll ruin your communion dress!
Limerick
Ireland
I Began to Feel Like a Sundae
Possibly gay barista: Caramel.
Trailer park barista: Car-mel.
Possibly gay barista: Car-a-mel.
Trailer park barista: That used to drive me nuts when I used to work here.
Robot Lodge, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Coffee Lurker
Abstinence Hip Hop Fails to Find Its Audience
Slutty chick: STDs!
Sluttier chick: I don't need one.
Slutty chick: STDs!
Sluttier chick: I'm on my period, yo!
University of Connecticut
Overheard by: Unwilling Audience
Categories: Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Connecticut | Default | Gender issues | Health & Hygiene | STDs | Stupidity | Posted 2008-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Which I Use for My Other Job
(on a bus passing city jail)
Mom: Look kids... that's where daddy is.
(pause)
Mom: I can give you a haircut.
Man: I like the lady who does my hair, she has good mirrors so I can see the back of my head.
Mom: I've got good mirrors. I've got mirrors on the ceiling, too.
Bus
Omaha, Nebraska
Categories: Bus | Default | Family ties | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Moms | Nebraska | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do You Move When You Have Sex With Her?
Guy on phone: Does she move when you have sex with her? Maybe that's the problem.
University Park, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Bill
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Questions | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Could Use Some Advice
Professor: We think imperfectly. If you think you think perfectly... well, just talk to god.
University of Tulsa, Oklahoma
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | God | Oklahoma | Philosophy | Teachers | Posted 2008-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Seems Like It's Every Freaking Month
Girl: Oh, and guess what else happened?
Boyfriend: What?
Girl: I got my period again! What the hell?!
Eaton Centre, Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Which Fortunately Has My Name on the Label
Professor: I make no sense to myself, I'm surprised I know my own name. Why? Because life sucks. But I have a nice jacket!
Christopher Newport University
Newport News, Virginia
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Gossip | Philosophy | Teachers | Virginia | Posted 2008-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Preschool-Level Sex Ed Only Leads to Confusion
Mom standing outside of bathroom stall: Honey, hurry up, there is a line waiting.
Four-year-old girl: I can't, my body requires me to go slow.
Capitol Building Bathroom
Washington, DC
Categories: Default | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Moms | Pee | Poop | Restroom | Washington | Posted 2008-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Let's Get Some Chewing Tobacco to Spit
Girl, to two guys smoking in a bar: Oh my gosh! Smoking? Gross! (walks away, disgusted)
Guy #1: You wanna follow her and smoke?
Guy #2: Hell yeah, I do.
Denver, Colorado
And Your Left Water Wing Just Fell Out
Woman to man carrying giant innertube: You have to return that to the tube hut. Ha! You have a tube hut in your pants!
Man: I don't even know what that means.
Swimming Pool
Gardner, Kansas
Categories: Default | Euphemisms | Guys | Kansas | Offers and requests | Women | Words | Posted 2008-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, and All the Hors D'Oeuvres Were Sprinkled with Lithium
Chick #1: But everyone was happy. It was a happy funeral.
Chick #2: Wow, your grandma must have been a real bitch.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Chicks | Colorado | Death & dying | Family ties | Happiness | Insults | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Joke's on You--I've Got Some in My Purse
Waitress: What kind of dressing would you like on your salad? We have French, Thousand Island and Italian.
Gorgeous blond: I'll have Ranch.
Waitress: No.
Glenwood Springs, Colorado
Without All Those People Cluttering Up the Landscape
Dude: Cool, you were in Asia... How was it?
Chick: The tsunami was the best thing for Thailand, everything was so clean and pretty afterwards.
Winnipeg
Manitoba
Canadia
Overheard by: Sean_G
In the Sense That I Won't Do the Reading Anyway
Spacey English major: So... he's a queer writer, right?
Surprised teaching assistant: No. He's just Jewish American.
Spacey English major: Oh, same thing.
University of Tennessee
Knoxville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Jessica
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Insults | Religion | Sexuality | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Tennessee | Posted 2008-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Worry-- We'll Only Use the Minorities
Boy: We could have the clones test nuclear bombs!
Girl: They're not robots. They're real people.
Boy: So? They still blow up.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Death & dying | Default | Girls | Guys | Violence | Washington | Posted 2008-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because Stool Analysis Costs Extra
Pharmacy assistant holding phone to pharmacist: This guy on the phone found some prescription bottles in a drawer and wants to know what they are. Can you talk to him?
Pharmacist: Did he eat them already?
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: mmm....mystery pills
Smells Like He Needs a Bath
Teenage girl: God is in every queef.
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Categories: Default | Girls | God | New Mexico | Philosophy | Sex | Posted 2008-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Blood on Your Final Exam Booklets
Professor: "Annihilation." I love this word. You will see it again.
Arcadia University
Glenside, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: disturbed student
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Compounded by My Inability to Tell Hot from Cold, It's a Logistical Nightmare
Guy: Leggings are fucking up everything. I used to know when it was winter because girls would stop wearing skirts, but now thanks to leggings they can wear them all year. It's bullshit.
Connecticut College
Categories: Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Connecticut | Default | Gender issues | Gripes | Guys | Posted 2008-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But If Enough Rain Builds Up, You Can Watch Me Walk on Water
Angry traveler: The flight's canceled because of weather?!? Can't you do something?
Airline counter man: Ma'am, despite my godlike appearance, I cannot control the weather.
O'Hare Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: He's not so Godlike
I Also Learned How to Do the Time Warp!
Little girl: I learned how to make a man!
Mom: A man?!
Little girl: Yes!
Mom: Did you learn that in school?
Little girl: Yes.
Mom: Can you make one for me?
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Mollena
They Tend to Appear at Random, Rather Like Elves.
Girl to friend: Well, I woke up naked, again, with a quesadilla in my bed, again, so I say it was a pretty average night.
Eclipse de Sol Restaurant
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Default | Food | Georgia | Girls | Memory lane | Restaurants | Sex | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now She's Standing on Her Head to Keep It There
Old woman to granddaughter: I saw her the other day, and all the fat from her face has slipped down to her boobs.
Piccadilly Circus
London
England
Overheard by: lola
But You Can Keep Blaming the Terrorists If You'd Like
Girl to boyfriend: Like, I think it has more to do with you being on crack more than anything.
Baker Library
Dartmouth College, New Hampshire
Overheard by: you think?
Categories: Default | Drugs | Girls | New Hampshire | Posted 2008-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If Scientologists Say It, It Must Be True
Hobo woman: So if you stand with one foot on Venus, and one on Mars, it is possible to move earth with a hockey stick.
Eriberto's
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Drew
Those Puppies Were Terrible People
Guy: So, you can talk about stabbing puppies but I can't talk about punting babies? That doesn't seem right.
Girl: That's exactly right.
Rutgers Stadium, New Jersey
Categories: Animals | Death & dying | Default | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Kids | New Jersey | Violence | Posted 2008-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...And He Let Me Touch His Mallard?
Girl: Hey, what about that time we went duck hunting naked and...
Random passerby: That sounds like fun!
Georgetown
Washington, DC
Categories: Animals | Body parts | Default | Girls | Memory lane | Sex | Strangers | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Clerks There Have Turned It into an Annual Sporting Event
Haughty woman: Oh yeah, he's getting a divorce.
Friend: Why?
Haughty woman: She stalks him ever since he left. She followed him into Walgreens and tried to beat him down with a toilet scrubber!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: I would want a divorce too...
...Doesn't Mean I'll Go Out with You
Dude: Just because you masturbate to llama/turtle porn...
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Guys | Kink | Masturbation | New York | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Life's a Gamble Anyway, Am I Right?
Guy #1: What's the big deal about the bird flu anyway? I'm not a bird.
Guy #2: It's those people who play with bird crap and such. It's kinda like the chicken pox, see what I mean?
Guy #1: Well, I'm fine then because I already had the chicken pox.
Reno, Nevada
Overheard by: Scott
I've Got Theft Insurance on You
Mom, yelling to small boy as he wanders towards street performer: Fine, if that's what you want, get stolen!
Ottawa
Canadia
Ooh, Stool Softener--Perfect!
Middle-aged matronly looking woman: Well, while we're here I can get some of this stocking stuffer shit.
Walgreens
Chicago, Illinois
Why They Stopped Serving Champagne at UN Events
Dude leaving party: Just remember we have one goal. We have one shared dream, people. It starts with "I" and ends with "no more motherfucking apartheid."
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Then It's All: "Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk--Got Yer Boobie!"
College girl #1: You laugh a lot during sex, then?
College girl #2: I think you have to laugh during sex. Otherwise it's too solemn. I mean, sex is like: "Oh yeah, oh yeah, queef."
Chinese Restaurant
Columbus, Mississippi
Overheard by: Megan S.
Categories: Default | Feelings | Gender issues | Girls | Mississippi | Restaurants | Sex | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where You Will Be Directed to a Photo of Me Flipping the Bird
Pilot: And if you have any comments or questions, go ahead and look me up on Facebook.
Vancouver
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Default | Internet | Offers and requests | Pilots | Posted 2008-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess What I've Done with the Butter Dispenser
Popcorn hater: Oh my god! You're going to walk out of there with a popcorn-bag fashioned diaper, aren't you?
Popcorn enthusiast: It's supportive and delicious!
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Meghan
Categories: Arizona | Creepsters | Default | Food | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Hand Never Asks Where Our Relationship Is Going
Guy: Sometimes I feel like I want to get a steady girlfriend again.
Friend: Whenever I feel like that I just jerk off all over myself and the feeling goes away.
Downtown Post Office
Worcester, Massachusetts
Categories: Advice | Default | Friends | Guys | Massachusetts | Masturbation | Post offices | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Would Make Wuthering Heights a Lot Shorter
Professor: I mean, what's with getting to know them? What about: You see someone, you don't even talk, you penetrate them.
UCLA
Los Angeles, CA
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Relationships | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2008-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Like Two-Legged Mace
Girl (about her college): The on-campus security is really good too, the campus police will get to you in like, 30 seconds. I'm still thinking about getting mace or something.
Girl's younger brother: No one wants to rape you.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Quazarfreez
Comfortable Strapless Bras Are in a Storage Locker Somewhere in New Mexico, with the Water-Powered Car
Prudish-looking woman #1: It's a bra conspiracy.
Prudish-looking woman #2: I agree.
Coles Supermarket
Melbourne
Australia
Categories: Australia | Clothes | Default | Gender issues | Women | Posted 2008-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Was Made Out of Gingerbread and Frosting
Suit to other: Then he kept trying to sell me this little boy for a dollar...
Taco Bell
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: Brandon
Trust Me-- I Know My Teletubbies
Guy on cell: I told you... the orange ones are hermaphroditic and the purple ones are sterile.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: piruqsiviliriji
Categories: Default | Guys | On the phone | Oregon | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just a Little Bit Shot!
Gay friend: I wish him the best in all his endeavors, and whatever his life is like now... But I hope he gets shot when he comes out here to Mardi Gras.
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Death & dying | Default | Gays | Wishes | Posted 2008-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Why My Boyfriend's Here at the Doctor's
Guy: Do you spit or swallow?
Preppy girl: I don't know. I just chew.
Florida
You Mean Conductors Are Like This Everywhere?
Train conductor: Thank you for traveling on this 3:30 service to Southern Cross. If you need to use the toilet, they are located at the end of each carriage for your convenience. Please remember to both close and lock the door, which will save you from embarrassment and other passengers from blindness.
Train Service to Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Meg
Categories: Australia | Conductors | Default | Offers and requests | Pee | Poop | Train | Posted 2008-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Fine Print on the U.S. Constitution
Woman: You should never kill people, especially if you're poor!
Halifax
Nova Scotia
Canadia
Overheard by: there goes my plan
Theme Parks Are Quite Different in Europe
Loud, fat american teen: I have to take the biggest leak ever. Pause. And then I want to check out those hedgehogs.
Market in Freiburg, Germany
Have I Ever Shown You Your Birthing Video, Sweetie?
Little boy waiting in line with his mom: Mommy, have you ever been ripped apart?
Lane Bryant
St Cloud, Minnesota
Overheard by: Jesi
If 8-Bit's Enough for You
Older woman: My first computer was a Commodore 64!
Younger woman: A what? That sounds like a sex toy.
Western Michigan University
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Memory lane | Michigan | Technology | Toys | Women | Posted 2008-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kinda Like Meryl Streep
Guy #1: You're beautiful... you're beautiful.
Guy #2: No... but I'm not fuckable beautiful!
University of California, San Diego
Overheard by: whoa mango
Categories: Beauty | California | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Default | Guys | Sex | Posted 2008-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, the Donkey Was Never Able to Make Those Charges Stick
Professor: [the guest speaker] apologized for being so hard on you guys. Although she was kinda drunk when she did...
Student: That kinda compromises her honor.
Professor: Oh, trust me, her honor was compromised long before that.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Etiquette | New York | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Webcam Viewers Thank You, Too.
(two girls exit bathroom stall together)
Girl #1: It was such a pleasure watching you. It was bliss.
Elbo Room Bar
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: crafty biotech
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Body parts | Default | Feelings | Girls | Happiness | Restroom | San Francisco | Sex | Undies | Posted 2008-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Eddie Found Dad's Stash of Bullwinkle Porn
Very serious little boy: I don't think a moose and a human should kiss.
Library
Chicago Suburbs, Illinois
Hookers and Blow, Sweetie. Hookers and Blow
Little boy: This is boring!
Mom: You know what? Life is boring if you make it that way.
Katonah Train Station
New York City, New York
Overheard by: lisa
...Shaped Like a Giant Martini Glass!
Six-year-old #1: Did you know that we've kissed before and we're not even family?
Six-year-old #2: Yeah, in a hot tub!
Casselman
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Default | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Kids | Memory lane | Questions | Posted 2008-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess Which One's from Jersey
Chick #1: The problem with buying a house seized by the police? Someone could have been murdered there.
Chick #2: That's not a problem, that's a bonus!
Aurora, Colorado
Much Better Than That Stupid Mel Gibson Speech
Girl with fake sword to group of fifty kids with fake swords (prepping them before their war in the park): Today is not about living, today is about dying. You will die at least 100 times today. And you will love it!
Clark Park
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: afraid of kids
Categories: Death & dying | Default | Feelings | Games | Girls | Kids | Kids | Pennsylvania | Violence | Posted 2008-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Cute + Stinky = Kinky
(two college girls walking down M Street towards Georgetown)
Girl #1: You look cute. I like your dress.
Girl #2: Yeah...I didn't shower.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Bathing | Clothes | Compliments | Default | Eavesdrop DC | Friends | Girls | Posted 2008-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Devil Granted His Wish, But They Were Male Boobs
Drunk guy: It's my birthday and I wanna hear some boobs clapping!
Davis, California
Overheard by: Liz
Categories: California | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Guys | Rack | Wishes | Posted 2008-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Told You to Start Keeping Condoms in There
Cashier (handing over receipt): Would you like this?
Customer: No, they make babies in my purse...
David's Supermarket
Whitney, Texas
I'm Sure Your Vagina Is Purple for a Pefectly Innocuous Reason
Guy: Well, do you have lots of unprotected sex with anonymous men?
Girl: I don't think so.
Guy: (pause) Well, you're probably safe then.
Southern Oregon University
Overheard by: Kayli
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Oregon | Questions | STDs | Sex | Posted 2008-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Female Equivalent Of, "Do You Have Any Balls?"
Ghetto chick screaming at other: Do you deserve your ovaries? I parked your car for you, bitch!
Porter Square
Somerville, Massachusetts
Overheard by: well, do you?
Categories: Chicks | Default | Gender issues | Insults | Massachusetts | Uterus | Posted 2008-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Make a Pop Culture Reference, They Accuse You Of Being a Jew
Gucci girl to friends: God! I'm so tired of my Nazi book group! (silence) I mean, they don't want cookies, they don't want to socialize, it's just like, book book book you may not mention anything besides the book!
Glencoe, Illinois
Overheard by: I was worried for a minute
Even When It's Minty-Fresh
Guy to girlfriend: Okay! I promise I won't talk about the smell of your vagina ever again.
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Assholes | Default | Guys | Massachusetts | Vagina | Posted 2008-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At the Nymphomaniac Gamblers Anonymous Meeting
20-something chick to friend: If I have to strip him down and put him on top of you myself, I will. *Now* it's a bet!
Mercado, Washington, DC
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Chicks | Default | Sex | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Living in a Little Island Country Exacerbates One's Eccentricity
Girl #1: Ask me what flavor my scarf is.
Girl #2: What flavor is your scarf?
Girl #1: Beef noodle!
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
Karma Chameleon's a Bitch
Girl #1: I bet she has scabies.
Girl #2: Yeah, probably.
Girl #1: Actually, I'm not sure I know what scabies is.
Girl #2: Well, if you can get it from a lizard she probably has it.
Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
We Imagine Futurama's Professor Farnsworth in This Role
Student: Hi professor, we need some help with our regressions.
Professor, cutting her off: Enough about you. I got a new dog yesterday, look I have a picture!
Student: Uhh... He's cute?
Wellesley, Massachusetts
Billy Mays Has No Personal Life
Man to woman: When was the last time you waxed your saddle?
Caltrain, San Francisco to Palo Alto
Overheard by: Sarks
Categories: Default | Euphemisms | Guys | Questions | San Francisco | Vagina | Words | Posted 2008-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Since He Kept Me Up So Late Last Night
Middle-aged woman to another: I said, "Let's go to church," and she said, "No, I'm going to stay in bed with Jesus today."
Outside Mexican restaurant
Hammond, Louisiana
Overheard by: Booksie in Bumfuck
Categories: Default | Friends | Jesus | Louisiana | Memory lane | Restaurants | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Heard It Was an Island and Expects to Find Palm Trees
Tipsy chick: Why is she wearing a bra-top to Alcatraz?
The Big Hunt Bar
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Chicks | Clothes | Default | Questions | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Oprah, Honey
Harried mom: Get off the stage now! It's time to go!
Obstinate toddler: No!
Harried mom: Who's the boss of you?
Obstinate toddler: ...you.
Harried mom: And who's the boss of me?
Obstinate toddler: Daddy!
Harried mom: No!
Barnes & Noble
Plantation, Florida
Overheard by: That Bookseller Chick
Categories: Default | Family ties | Florida | Kids | Kids | Moms | Parenting | Questions | Should have used a condom | Stores | Posted 2008-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Can't Explain Why I Continue to Play
Random board gamer: Settlers of Catan was created in the bowels of hell to make otherwise intelligent people say: "I have wood for sheep."
Epoch Coffee
Austin, Texas
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Evil | Games | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It'd Be a Match Made in Heaven If She'd Only Stop Stealing My Watch
Girl: Who are you dating now?
Guy: I don't know if you'd call it dating, but I met a stripper that comes over around midnight, gets me high, sucks my dick, we fuck, I fall asleep and when I wake up, she's gone.
Random eavesdropper: Dude, marry that bitch!
Open Bar
San Diego, California
Categories: BJs | California | Default | Drugs | Girls | Guys | Questions | Relationships | Sex | Strangers | Posted 2008-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Just Say She's in Shape
Dude: You have a sister, right?
Chick: Yeah.
Dude: Is she hot?
Chick: She's 12 and shaped like a rectangle.
Dude: That doesn't answer my question.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Overheard by: Julia
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | Chicks | Colorado | Family ties | Guys | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Brooklyn Itself Is Almost Imaginary
Half-drunk tourist girl: You're lying! Nobody has all that happen in their life!
Half-drunk guy with NY accent: I'm from Brooklyn! We all live unbelievable lives!
Parker House Bar
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: annikee
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Guys | Lies | Massachusetts | Tourists | US Geography | Posted 2008-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Experiment Sounds Faulty, but Fun
Loud girl #1: I totally don't sweat at all.
Loud girl #2: Really? I don't believe you. Let me feel your vagina.
BART
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: MW
Categories: California | Default | Girls | Sensory experiences | Vagina | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Believe They Have That Color
Six-year-old: Piss piss pissy piss piss.
Unconcerned mother: Oh, look here's the Crayola aisle!
Michael's
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
What the Hell Is Going On in That Gym Class?
High school student #1: My finger hurts.
High school student #2 (absent mindedly): Yeah, my ass hurts too.
Prishtina
Kosovo
Overheard by: Curly
Categories: Default | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sensory experiences | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does That Include the Sombrero?
Tall chick: I wish I could find a nice, tall guy.
Friend #1: My brother is 6'5".
Tall chick: Is he cute?
Friend: Well...
Friend #2: He looks like a Mexican pedophile.
Tall chick: 6'5", eh? I'll think about it.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Beauty | Chicks | Colorado | Default | Family ties | Friends | Relationships | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Wishes | Posted 2008-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Any Excuse to Put Fruit on Your Bottom
Early 20-something woman on cell with boyfriend: I would love to dress you up as yogurt!
Potomac, Maryland
Overheard by: Nic
I Come Here for the Food
Dumb girl: So what's the difference between when the guy hits the ball and someone catches it and when someone hits the ball and no one catches it?
Boy: Absolutely nothing.
PETCO Park
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Default | Girls | Guys | Idiots | Stupidity | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They'll Make You Think, and Care
(little boy and mother pass bake sale)
Little boy: I wanna cookie! I wanna cookie! Can we please get a cookie?
Mother: You don't want those cookies.
Little boy: What's wrong with them?
Mother: Those are Democrat cookies.
Bake Sale for Obama Campaign
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Jamie
She Doesn't Even Recognize Our Sincere and Unyielding Love for Children
Pre-school teacher #1: Which kids do you want in your group today?
Pre-school teacher #2: Oh, I don't really care. Just not Monica*. I cant stand her.
Pre-school teacher #1: Yeah, I know. It's like it's her period every friggin' day!
Pre-school teacher #2: Yeah, she's such a little frigid bitch!
New York City, New York
Overheard by: first day on the job
Orgasm-Faking Deceivers, the Lot of You!
Professor, during a discussion about Lear's daughters in King Lear: well, don't you guys ever lie?
(class stays silent)
Professor: You all lie, especially the girls.
Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Class | Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Gender issues | Lies | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2008-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Explains the Ski Hat in the Middle Of July
20-something guy with ridiculous hair cut: Like, I'm not saying that mother earth isn't my priority, because like she totally is, I'm just saying that I'm not going to like let her run my life. At the end of the day.
8th & Chestnut
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Creepsters | Default | Feelings | Guys | Pennsylvania | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Partner, Paul, Is As Dumbfounded As I Am
Disgruntled dad-to-be: I wish I could sue the urologist, but it is what it is. So now I'm having a son. Whatever.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Glad he's not my Dad
Even If He Does Host The O'Reilly Factor
Girl to friends: I'm 31 years old, for Christ's sake. My mom doesn't get it. I'm too fucking old to get excited about some guy that pisses himself, calls me up and acts like it's a fucking achievement.
Bar
Atlanta, Georgia
Categories: Age and ageing | Default | Family ties | Georgia | Girls | Gripes | Pee | Posted 2008-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Say Something to Me in C++
Guy trying to impress girl: So then I mastered a few languages, and after that it was pretty easy to get hired.
Girl: Oh wow! What languages?
Guy: C++.
Yellow Line Train
Washington, DC
Categories: Bragging | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Girls | Guys | Relationships | Stupidity | Technology | Train | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Need to Stop Collecting Them
Girl: I really don't know why I have such an unhealthy obsession with lesbians.
Bakersfield, California
Categories: California | Creepsters | Default | Feelings | Girls | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Power Corrupts, Short-Lived Power Corrupts Immediately
Teacher: I'm leaving for a few minutes. Ted*, you're in charge.
Ted*: Alright, everyone get naked.
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Body parts | Colorado | Default | Guys | Names | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sex | Teachers | Posted 2008-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Should Be in a Nursing Home, Singing "Stay True to Your Stool"
Dude #1: I heard they were trying to get The Beach Boys for that motorcycle rally.
Dude #2: Man, that really says a lot about who is riding motorcycles these days. And it's not good.
Lone Star Floathouse & Grill
New Braunfels, Texas
Overheard by: D2
In One Of Those Containers That's Like a Bowl, but It Has a Handle
Customer: Do you have any tea that's like coffee only it isn't caffeinated like coffee... But it tastes like coffee?
Barista: Uh, you mean decaf coffee?
Customer: Yes! That's exactly what I want. I'll have a decaf coffee.
Red Brick Coffee Pub
Guelph
Ontario, Canadia
Categories: Baristas | Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Customers | Default | Food | Offers and requests | Stupidity | Posted 2008-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Sorry I Ever Chose to Study The Necronomicon
Guy going to study for finals: I'm kinda scared to sit in a cubicle alone... by myself... Alone with my thoughts. Not good.
PCL Library
University of Texas at Austin
Simulated, Just the Way You Like It
Woman: ...and Scarlett Johansson is in it.
Husband: Really? Okay, let's go.
Woman (to ticket seller): Oh, now he'll watch it.
(they enter the theater)
Husband: And you said sex too, right?
Movie Theater
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: About celebrities | Connecticut | Default | Guys | Movies | Sex | Women | Posted 2008-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially If She Has to Pay for a Funeral
Guy walking opposite traffic on a one-way street: If I get hit by another car my mom will be pissed.
Clemson, South Carolina
Categories: Death & dying | Default | Family ties | Guys | South Carolina | Stupidity | Posted 2008-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Real Sex God
Literature teacher: So what the Europeans did was take the description of Jesus from the texts and made their images of him Caucasian so as to be more relatable to those they were teaching to.
Girl of questionable literacy: European Jesus was hot.
Delta Secondary School
Ladner, British Columbia
Canadia
Really Takes Me Back to My Days As a Senate Page
Roommate #1 (about cat): Is she puking or is that butt licking?
Roommate #2: Butt licking.
Roommate #1: Good.
Champaign, Illinois
Overheard by: not enjoying either idea
...With Binoculars
College student to friend: Scott* is so funny. Like, last night, he was looking at his penis...
University of Delaware
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Delaware | Memory lane | Penis | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Can You Wear Your Leather Pants Again?
(five-year-old girl tries to hit puppy with a toy)
Step-mom: I'm gonna hit you with that toy.
Five-year-old girl: How hard?
Fresno, California
England Expects No Less
Little girl in bathroom stall with mother: Doody! It's fun to say "doody" in the bathroom! Say "doody," mom!
Whole Foods
West Orange, New Jersey
Overheard by: I almost said it myself.
Wanna Hold It?
Hippie using his pocket PC: It's very primitive -I use it for solitaire while pooping.
Bean & Leaf Coffee Shop
New London, Connecticut
Overheard by: Overand
Categories: Connecticut | Games | Hippies | Poop | Technology | Posted 2008-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If One of Our Editors Doesn't Beat You to It
Middle aged redneck to cute four-year-old girl: You're just as sharp as your great granddaddy! You're gonna grow up to write about public restrooms in America!
Gas Station
Waco, Texas
Categories: Default | Family ties | Jobs & Careers | Rednecks | Stupidity | Texas | Posted 2008-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is It Your Time of the Math?
Puzzled teen: I swear I've never seen so much math on a napkin before.
Women's Bathroom, Wynkoop Brewery
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Bathroom Goer
...So, Like, Can I Get Your Number?
Student: I'm as much like Hitler as Hitler was.
Ball State University
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Kat
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | History | Indiana | Students | Posted 2008-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Grandma Was a Master of Disguise
20-something girl to friends: And I was like, he was my first ugly boyfriend and my first kiss, and I was like "grandma!"
Maxwell's
Cedarburg, Wisconsin
Overheard by: and i was like, what?!
Categories: Default | Family ties | Girls | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Memory lane | Relationships | Weirdness | Wisconsin | Posted 2008-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not the First Time He's Had to Clarify That Today
Guy: That motherfucking cop has driven past here twice in the last fifteen minutes.
Cop (on car's loudspeaker): I'm not a motherfucker.
University of Georgia
Athens, Georgia
Overheard by: Anne
How This Relates to Organic Chemistry Will Soon Become Clear
Professor: And you go home and watch something dumb on TV, like that Tila Tequila show with the lesbians and the guys... I don't understand who would want to date her anyway, she looks like a disease on legs.
Harbor College, California
Well He Is Pretty Ripped
Three-year-old boy, pulling action figure out of a box of toys, whispering: I love you, He-Man. (louder) I love you, He-Man! (at the top of his little lungs) I love you, He-Man!
Monarc Thrift Shop
Red Bank, New Jersey
Overheard by: klutch
Well, My Name Is "Ashley"
Skanky girl walking down hall to friends: She told me to put my cigarette out... I put it in my bra.
Asher Alternative High School
Detroit, Michigan
Categories: Chicks | Clothes | Default | Girls | Michigan | Offers and requests | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The "Eating Fetuses" Comment Kinda Pushed You over the Edge
Guy: I'm pretty positive that on judgment day, god is going to have a live action replay of this conversation and be like: "See... And you were so close!"
University of Kentucky
Lexington, Kentucky
Mr. Firth Is a Creature of Habit
Guy, mournfully: And then I go in and Colin is sitting there, taking shots of vodka by himself, in that pink dress...
Girl, nonplussed: Again?
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: archie
Categories: Default | Delaware | Drinking & drunks | Friends | Girls | Guys | Memory lane | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Should Interview Her for That Vacancy in the Ugly Friend Department
Teen girl #1: Hey, you know the chubby girl in chorus, right?
Teen girl #2: Elizabeth?
Teen girl #1: No, I'm talking about the whale.
(teen girl #1 makes elephant noises)
Teen girl #2: The one that laughs like a jackal?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, her!
Teen girl #2: Oh my god, I love her.
Teen girl #1: Me too! She's great...
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Drama Eavesdropper
From Then On, Whenever Sally Did Naughty Things, She Blamed Baby Jesus
Grocery store bagger (handing stuffed cat to little girl): So, what are you going to name your new kitty?
Little girl: Baby Jesus!
California
Fine-- Arby's It Is
Dad: What do you want for dinner?
Toddler #1: Shit!
Dad: Uh, you can't say that...
Toddler #2: Shit!
Toddler #1: Shit!
Toddler #2: Shit!
Toddler #1: Shit!
Dad: Uh...
Grocery Store
Maryland
On Today's Episode Of Skanky and the Brain...
Girl #1: Yeah, Dave*'s cute. Not super-attractive, but I'd sleep with him.
Girl #2: I wouldn't.
Girl #1: Why not?
Girl #2: I made a pact with myself that I would never date him.
Girl #1: Yeah, but did you say you wouldn't sleep with him?
Girl #2: No, I guess not.
Girl #1: So there's, like, a loophole. You can sleep with him, just don't date him.
Girl #2: Yeah, I guess so. Cool.
Girl #1: God, I'm so smart.
Valencia Community College
Orlando, Florida
Not in This Relationship
Girl running up stairs: I ran three miles yesterday!
Boy out of breath: I'm wearing pants.
Boyertown High School, Pennsylvania
Categories: Clothes | Default | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Posted 2008-07-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Teacher: "Must...Tread...Lightly..."
Girl: I thought dinosaurs were a fairy tale.
Junior High Science Class
El Paso, Texas
'Cause I'm Sick of Them Interrupting My Reality Shows with Speeches
Genius cashier: Did they decide on a President yet? You know, the President thing?
North Andover, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Wrote it on my receipt so I wouldn't forget
Though Nicole's Already Tagging and Auctioning Off My Belongings
Old lady to friend: I've been praying for the strength to be friendly with Nicole*, but she makes it so difficult! Goddamit, I am going to heaven, so either she has to shape up soon or I have to try not to die!
San Jose, California
Categories: California | Death & dying | Default | Old folks | Religion | Wishes | Posted 2008-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Told Them They Were "Perky" the Other Day, and They Sobbed and Called Me Cruel
(two guys peeing next to each other at the urinals)
Pretty boy #1: I think I have sensitive wrists.
Pretty boy #2: You have sensitive nipples!
Bowling Alley Bathroom
Dayton, Ohio
Overheard by: Liz
For the Same Reason I Like Tightly-Wrapped Christmas Presents
(a couple at the checkout counter buying nylons)
Girl: I'm really excited for these tights.
Guy (excessively excited): Me too!
Halifax
Nova Scotia
Canadia
Just When You Thought This Cultural Reference Was Dead...
White, middle aged music professor: I don't do sevenths. Homie don't play that.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
You're Gonna Love the Priesthood
Bespectacled, be-hatted, be-flanneled guy to friend: It's like Seattle without the heroin, New York without the coke. All bets are off. People are drunk 24/7.
Channing and Ellsworth
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: Kaitlen, who wishes she knew where they were talking about
Categories: California | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drugs | Guys | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'll Need a Mental Enema First
Hipster college dude: You mean you had anal?
Hipster college chick: Well, more like mental anal.
Hipster college dude: Mental anal. Hmmm, let me think on that a spell.
UNM Campus
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Overheard by: klutch
Categories: Backdoor | Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Default | Friends | Guys | Hipsters | New Mexico | Questions | Posted 2008-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Normally Give More Than Three "A"s
Professor: The dew line -by the way, any Rush fans in here?
(three or four raise hands in a class of 200)
Professor: Only three? That's a sad state of affairs.
Canadian History Lecture
University of Toronto
Canadia
That, and World Peace
Guy (joyous): I want to stay in college forever!
Girl (ecstatic): I want to put in a new tampon!
www.overheardatyale.com
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Gender issues | Girls | Guys | Overheard at Yale | Stupidity | Wishes | Posted 2008-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Owe Me Two!
Boyfriend: I only cheated on you with one girl but you cheated on me with three guys... at the same time!
Ohio State University
Overheard by: JooSki
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Gripes | Guys | Infidelity | Ohio | Sex | Posted 2008-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...of the Coach's Ass
Guy: Yeah, I got disqualified from long jump because my dick fell out.
Track Meet
Broadalbin Perth, New York
And P.S.- You Might Want to Wash Your Face
Frat boy: Hypothetically speaking, if you were on your period, would you invite a guy to go home with you? Like, if it was your third day and you weren't having a very heavy flow?
Sorority girl: Justin, this doesn't sound very hypothetical.
University of Iowa Library
Iowa City, Iowa
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Default | Frat boy types | Girls | Guys | Iowa | Offers and requests | Questions | Sex | Sorority types | Posted 2008-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On the Plus Side, You Always Had Somewhere to Hang Your Coat
Druggie talking about Italy: There were dicks coming out the walls everywhere!
Maine
Overheard by: abbitt the rabbitt
Categories: Default | Druggies | Maine | Memory lane | Penis | Posted 2008-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Behind the Wheel, Sure
Girl (reading inspirational quote): "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." (pause) Helen Keller. (to friend) Wasn't she, like, a killer?
Indigo Bookstore
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Sunissa
We Named Them After the Kids on Seventh Heaven
Woman on cell waiting in line for lunch: Oh, to keep you in the loop, we are not getting pregnant any time soon. There is like no sperm. They said there were eight, but they were retarded.
Richmond, Virginia
Categories: Default | On the phone | Pregnancy | Virginia | Women | Posted 2008-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Kids Are Easily Fooled by Short Haircuts and Baritone Voices
Mother holding small child as she sees a girlfriend: Sammi* look! It's Debbie! Say hi to Debbie!
Small child: Hi, ugly man!
Target
Traverse City, Michigan
From Your Belly Button and You: A User's Guide
Woman to friend: You just lift up your shirt, look down, and there it is.
St. Catharine's
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: J Menz
I've Practiced on My Lifesized "Seven of Nine" Doll
Nerdy teen #1: So you just sort of put your hands down her pants and rub up behind her.
Nerdy teen #2 (nodding): Yeah. I know what you mean.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: iloveholidays
Maybe Pick Up Some Rat Poisoning for the Kids...
Loud white ghetto guy on cell: Dude, I'm at Target. They don't got nothing here! Man, I should have gone to Wal-Mart. (pause) Oh, here's a sweet knife. Maybe I'll buy that for shits and giggles.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: gee, you have to wonder what this guy does with his free time...
Categories: Default | Gripes | Guys | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Shopping | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tonight's Movie: The Other Sister
Customer (ordering a birthday cake for his wife): Can you put "You're better lookin' than your twin sister" on it?
Alpine Bakery
Concord, California
Categories: Beauty | California | Compliments | Customers | Default | Family ties | Food | Offers and requests | Questions | Posted 2008-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mommy Lost Him During That Spring Break Trip to Tijuana
Mother (giving four-year-old a children's bible): Here, find Jesus for mommy.
Doctor's Office
Ashland, Kentucky
Overheard by: Lola
Categories: Christianity | Default | Jesus | Kentucky | Moms | Offers and requests | Religion | Stupidity | Women | Posted 2008-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Kind of Unloaded on Us, If You Follow Me
Religious nut: Go back to the kitchen!
Gay girl #1: We do it in the kitchen!
Gay girl #2: Oh yeah. That's the day we realized our dishwasher had wheels.
Pride Parade
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Overheard by: Cade
Categories: Default | Girls | Insults | Lesbos | New Mexico | Pride | Religious fanatics | Sex | Sexuality | Posted 2008-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...Since I Accepted Homer Simpson As My Personal Savior
Teenage girl #1: He hates me.
Teenage girl #2: He doesn't hate you. Maybe you should just say "hi" to him.
Teenage girl #1: How am I supposed to say "hi"? I have voices in my head saying "I want cheeseburgers"!
Canberra
Australia
And You Were Sixteen Going on Seventeen
Girl: I can't believe you've never seen The Sound of Music. You have to watch that.
Guy: Fuck that. I wouldn't watch that movie if you watched it with me, and we were going to fuck afterward.
Mankato, Minnesota
"Don't You Feel It in Your Pants?" Would Become a New Hit Single for Usher
Loud teen girl on cell: Jaime, I've been calling you! Didn't you feel it in your pants?
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: yikes
Categories: Cell phones | Clothes | Default | Girls | Gripes | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Teens | Posted 2008-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Lipstick Kind, at Least?
Size 4 girl #1: I love H&M but it makes me feel so fat. I have to wear a size 6 or 8 when I shop here.
Size 4 girl #2: Yeah, and that vest makes you look like a lesbian.
H&M
Chicago, Illinois
Ginger and Craig Live in a Candy House and Have Diabetes
Young woman #1: You know, Ginger and Craig, with the breadcrumbs and all that.
Young woman #2: You mean Hansel and Gretel!?
Young woman #1: Oh. Yeah, them.
Young woman #2: Wow.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania