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June 2008 Archives
And He Was All, "But I'm Just the Babysitter!"
Lady to friend: So I told him... ten dollars for a hand job!
Friend: Good for you! What an asshole!
Ashland & North Ave
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Compliments | Default | Friends | Illinois | Insults | Money | Offers and requests | Sex | Women | Posted 2008-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Stalk All My Classmates Before September
Mother: You got into college!
Teenage daughter: I can finally join Facebook!
Highlands Ranch, Colorado
With the Same Impure Love You Have for Hello Kitty
Hipster guy, earnestly: Yeah, you'll love her; her face is really funny!
16th & Market
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Body parts | Compliments | Default | Guys | Hipsters | Pennsylvania | Words | Posted 2008-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless I Can Have Someone Holding the Train Like a Bridesmaid
Old lady: I've lived with my body my whole life, but I don't want it down around my ankles.
Women's Gym
Studio City, California
Categories: Age and ageing | Body parts | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Old folks | Wishes | Women | Posted 2008-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What About "Sunday, Bloody Sunday"?
College girl, while listening to Hang Me Out To Dry: Dude, I just pictured my tampon singing this song!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: a. Lil
Categories: Default | Gender issues | Overheard in Minneapolis | Singing | Sorority types | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Recorded in My Memoirs: What What (The Unibutt!)
Skater guy: I'm not into the unibutt.
Friend: The what?
Skater guy: You know, it's like a unibrow, except a butt.
Friend: What are you talking about?
Skater guy: I am just giving my commentary on how style has affected my life.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Especially with This Little Pink Bow
Three-year-old boy to grandfather: Do you have a penis?
Grandfather: Yes, I do.
Boy: I have a penis, too. My penis is small. My penis is cute.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Vejewsbian
Card: I Miss You, Baby, in My Bed/ I Miss My Liver, 'cause It's Dead
Girl: So I asked him: "When are you going to come back for a reunion? I miss you!" and he was like: "I miss you so much I've had to replace you with alcohol." That's like, the biggest, best compliment ever! They should make a Hallmark card that says that.
West Lafayette, Indianapolis
Overheard by: Kolja
Categories: Compliments | Default | Drinking & drunks | Feelings | Girls | Indiana | Questions | Relationships | Posted 2008-06-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Vertical Bars Are So Slimming
20-something goth/thug girl: Remember the time I went to jail? I didn't want to leave!
Denny's
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: I didn't want to be at dennys
Categories: Crimes | Default | Girls | Goths | Memory lane | Restaurants | Texas | Thugs | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now I'm Bummed I Didn't Get His Name
Guy #1: Is he good at sex?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy #2: Wow. I'm surprised.
Girl: Honestly, I was too.
San Francisco, California
Categories: Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Questions | San Francisco | Sex | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Concludes My Essay on "Who I Admire Most"
High school student: She's a two faced bitch, but not in a bad way.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: emily
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Insults | Overheard Lines | Students | Teens | Words | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Those Were Different Times--There Was a War On
College girl #1: If I'm pregnant, the father is either him or his cousin.
College girl #2: Wait, you slept with David* and his cousin?
College girl #1: It wasn't a big deal, it was a threesome!
Barnes & Noble
Cary, North Carolina
Overheard by: Jennifer
Categories: Bimbettes | Default | Family ties | Friends | North Carolina | Pregnancy | Sex | Sorority types | Stores | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If It Could Happen to Lance Armstrong, It Could Happen to Anybody!
Girl #1: I'm all freaked out now! I bet you she's pregnant! My sister's pregnant!
Girl #2: I'm sure she's not pregnant, you're assuming the worst.
Girl #1: Oh my god! What if she has testicle cancer?!
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: monkey
Lady, You Live in the Wrong Fucking State
Older woman working out with personal trainer: I'm almost 70 years old. Ask me how much I care how I look. I don't even have a mirror in my bathroom. I was just interested in a chemical peel. They wanted to roll my skin up over my head, take out the fat, then roll it down again, not to mention take out my liver and kidney. And the woman that's dragging me around to this stuff? She's a gusher. I hate gushers. She says: "We'll go through this together". She says: "Ask the gods." Can you imagine me asking the gods for a facelift? What blasphemy. She says: "Tell me about yourself". I say: "You mean the heroin addiction?" She says: "Really?" I say: "Yeah, it was after my two daughters were born, when I started robbing banks to support us." Honestly, everything has to be so sordid before someone will listen to you. You have to have an incestuous affair or something. When in reality, I work all day, then come home and watch TV like the rest of the human race.
Women's gym
Studio City, California
Overheard by: Trying not to howl with laughter
Categories: Age and ageing | Beauty | California | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Health & Hygiene | Insults | Old folks | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Did We Suddenly Become That Poor?
Mom: You wanna sleep in the bed with dad?
13-year-old boy: Why the hell would I do that? I'm 5'6"! That's gay!
Baldwin Park, Florida
Overheard by: hmm... point taken.
Categories: Default | Family ties | Florida | Guys | Moms | Offers and requests | Questions | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Just in Time to See the Internet Made Illegible
Soldier: What is that thing?
Passenger #1: An iPhone.
Passenger #2: Man, where the hell have you been?
Soldier: Iraq.
Flight from Minneapolis to Pittsburgh
Categories: Airports & flights | Cell phones | Default | Geography | Military | Questions | Strangers | USA | Posted 2008-06-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Snow White Is Always Hurting the Dwarves' Feelings
Girl: Oh, as far as I'm concerned, they're just the happy little worker bees that bring me my birth control.
Madison, Wisconsin
And Lacoste Was So 1998
Homeless woman to preppy kid in pink shirt: Don't mix your reds and your whites!
Boulder, Colorado
Why Cashmere Condoms Are So Popular
Bearded dude: Yeah... I care a lot more about my penis than I do my friends.
Not quite as bearded dude: Oh, totally.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: wondering if that is selfish, or self preservation...
Categories: Compare and contrast | Creepsters | Default | Feelings | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Penis | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Kept Me Awake by Leading "Expeditions" Into My Sock Drawer
Girl #1: I found that doll the other day.
Girl #2: What doll?
Girl #1: The Steve Irwin doll, you know, the one that used to look at me creepy while I was sleeping.
Girl #2: Ohhhh, that doll!
Bleeker's Bowling Alley
Chicago, Illinois
Care Bears: Oopsy Does It! Is Exactly Like That
Really hot girl: Dude, it's like the Care Bears came and puked on my face!
Denver, Colorado
Joke's on You-- It Was Jesus Dressed As Santa!
Nanny (in thick Irish accent): Get over here right now!
(little girl does not move)
Nanny: Jesus sees you!
(little girl still not moving)
Nanny: Santa sees you, and you'll get nothing!
(little girl runs to nanny)
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Charles
Categories: Default | Girls | Illinois | Jesus | Kids | Kids | Offers and requests | Santa Claus | Threats | Women | Posted 2008-06-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now I'm Working on a Novel About Them
Suit on the Taipei subway: After I went home that day, I kept thinking about hemorrhoids.
Shout-out: talovich.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Yugan
You Wouldn't Believe How Many Miles To The Baby My Truck Gets
Brunette: I use babies as a unit of measurement.
5th Avenue
Seattle, Washington
It's the Greatest Thing Since... You Know
Girlfriend: I think my butt has gotten bigger.
Boyfriend: If that's true, hallelujah. I love big booties.
Girlfriend: David*, this is serious! I think I have been doing so many squats that my butt has lifted and risen... like bread.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: MoMo
Oh Yeah, You'd Like Me to Pour You on My Meat
Guy to friend: My hot sauce packet is talking dirty to me.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Josh
Competing on Any Reality Show, in a Nutshell
Guy: It's like playing hopscotch with your shirt off and the little kids are like: "Mommy, look at his boobies!" and I'm like: "Yeah. Look at my boobies."
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: well that's neat
Categories: Default | Diet & weight | Fat people | Gender issues | Guys | Kids | Nipples | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2008-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Really? Now All I Have to Do Is Master Shot Callin' and I Can Die Happy!
Teen cashier at checkout: Are you listening to music on an iPod?
Geriatric customer: It's an iPhone.
Teen cashier: Dude, you're ballin'.
Columbus, Indiana
Overheard by: Hoosier
Categories: Age and ageing | Cell phones | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Customers | Default | Employees | Gadgets | Indiana | Old folks | Questions | Teens | Posted 2008-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Professor Appreciated the Eight-Sided Paper
Excited student: I got a B+ on my Nietzsche paper!
Friend: The one based on a Dungeons & Dragons joke?
Auraria Campus
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Default | Education | Friends | Games | Philosophy | Pride | Questions | Students | Posted 2008-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If I Don't, May God Have Mercy on Your Souls
(the road is closed for Chinese New Year parade)
Bus driver: Folks, we'll be alright. We're going to take a right on Sansome, a left on Broadway, and a left on Stockton. We'll rejoin the original route at Stockton and Sacramento. Don't worry. Everything will be alright. As long as I still get paid, it's okay.
San Francisco, California
Categories: Bus | Default | Feelings | Jobs & Careers | Money | Public Transportation | San Francisco | Threats | Posted 2008-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Putting Mayo on French Fries
Jock on cell: I bet he's a lame fuck. He wouldn't do any of that weird stuff you like.
Barton Springs Pool
Austin, Texas
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Insults | Jocks | Kink | On the phone | Texas | Posted 2008-06-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From What Your Dad Tells Me
Overenthusiastic principal: So, where'd ya guys go for lunch? Huh?
Jaded student (indicating Subway cup): I ate fresh.
Principal: Did you go the 6 inch route? Or the 12 inch?
Student: I, uhhh... 6.
Principal, grinning: Don't worry, Shane* -I think you're man enough to take a 12-inch.
Livingston, Montana
A Black Friend Wearing Fubu Might Even Get Me Free Drinks
White girl: I wish I had an Obama t-shirt to wear tonight. (pause) Although I'm sure if I brought a black friend it'd be just the same.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: lb
It's Not Gay If I'm the Boomer
(around a D&D table)
Boom: Boom the Barbarian is going to swing his sword.
Walk-in kid: Dude, your character sheet says he's a fighter.
Boom: Yeah. But his name is Boom the Barbarian.
Walk-in kid: That's gay.
Boom: It won't be gay when I boom all over your face.
Openly gay DM: Actually, it would.
Gaming Center
Grand Rapids, Michigan
So I'm Sorry I Did That, Amber
English teacher: Calling someone a douche is not a constructive comment, even if it's true.
Flora High School
Columbia, South Carolina
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Etiquette | Insults | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | South Carolina | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Dug the Mariana Trench With It, Baby Girl
(grandmother mumbles something unintelligible)
Young girl: Oh my god, grandma! I didn't want to hear how grandpa was hung like a whale!
Longview, Washington
Overheard by: CaerBear
Categories: Animals | Death & dying | Default | Family ties | Girls | Memory lane | Washington | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Usually Have Pretty Cool Stereo Equipment
Customer: My therapist wants me to start thinking of men as friends. Seriously though, if you can't fuck'em, what's the point?
Espresso Drive Thru
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: The Barista Who Loves Her Job
Categories: Advice | Creepsters | Customers | Default | Gender issues | Guys | Mental illnesses | Questions | Restaurants | Sexuality | Washington | Posted 2008-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Old Mom Cop/Dad Cop Routine
Mother to son, after chatting with woman: I'm always extra nice to her because your father can't stand her.
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Dentist
And It's Important to Know About Paula Abdul's Career Trajectory
Student: If none of this is going to be on the exam, why are we devoting a class to it?
Professor: Because I find it interesting, and you have to listen to me.
Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Offers and requests | Questions | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...When Sinking Your Opponent's Battleship
Teenage to friends: My dad says it's only gay if you make eye contact.
Lacomb, Oregon
Overheard by: lalenalynn
Categories: Body parts | Default | Friends | Oregon | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Teens | Posted 2008-06-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Except for Women's Professional Basketball
Professor: How does female humor differ from that of males?
Student: Women don't have the luxury to be funny.
Stanford, California
Overheard by: fliushkin
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Gender issues | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2008-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What He Said at the ER
Drunk girl applying lip gloss: I can't believe he broke up with me. I gave him the blow job of his life last night!
Napper Tandy's Bathroom
Raleigh, North Carolina
Categories: BJs | Default | Drunks | Girls | North Carolina | Relationships | Restroom | Posted 2008-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How You Know This Wasn't Overheard in New York
Red-faced man, shouting furiously into cell: Now you listen to me you... (sees small children nearby) pluck-arsed parrot.
Gouger Street, Adelaide, South Australia
Elmer and Mrs Fudd Are Justifiably Proud of Their Daughter
PSU freshman (attempting to flirt): Wow, that's an amazing accent! Is it British?
Cute freshman who says Rs like Ws: Actually, it's a speech impediment.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: ellen
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Insults | Language barrier | Overheard in PDX | Questions | Students | Posted 2008-06-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
MC Hammer Hasn't Gotten Laid in a Good Long Time
Professor: Clearly, if I am wearing these pants, no one is gonna want to get in them with me!
Economics Class
University of Delaware Newark, Delaware
It Gave Me Extra Flotation, Like a Pool Noodle
Girl #1: So I was wearing a tampon to go swimming yesterday.
Girl #2: Didn't that hurt your fluffy bits?
Memphis, Tennessee
And I'm Running Dangerously Low on Reese's Pieces
Seemingly not-crazy lady on elevator: Have you seen any aliens today?
Man: Not yet, but it's still pretty early.
Seemingly not-crazy lady: I hope I don't see any; I don't have any spit.
Fox Plaza
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Uses spit for lube
Abraham Lincoln? Really?
Girl: I basically touched his dick, through the transitive property.
Northbrok, Illinois
Overheard by: Jake
...Is the Title of My Coffeehouse Bongo Piece
Guy: My life is one giant erection.
Attleboro, Massachusetts
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Erections | Guys | Massachusetts | Words | Posted 2008-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What the Hell Is Going on in Illinois?
Professor walking through the hall: Well I guess I'd have to be spanked then.
Asian grad student: That's why they're called "accidents"!
University of Illinois
Plastics Were So 1967
Suit on cell: But yeah, concrete is the future.
Metairie Road
Metairie, Louisiana
Overheard by: What happened to plastic?
Categories: Advice | Default | Louisiana | On the phone | Suits | Technology | Posted 2008-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Especially the One from Little House on the Prairie
Very obnoxious drunk man to long-suffering waitress: Hey, what's your name, anyway?
Waitress (coldly): Melissa.
Drunk man (softly): Awww, my daughter's name is Melissa.
Waitress: Well, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but we usually turn out slutty.
Bar
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Bars & Clubs | California | Comebacks | Creepsters | Customers | Default | Drunks | Family ties | Guys | Insults | Names | Questions | Servers | Posted 2008-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Why Men Wear Pink Shirts
Professor: Ever wonder why pink is considered a girl color?
Student: Because vaginas are pink.
UC
Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Kelly
Categories: California | Class | Default | Education | Gender issues | Questions | Students | Teachers | Vagina | Posted 2008-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Since the Gangbang
Woman: Wooo! It's wetter than a nymphomaniac in a gangbang out there.
Man: You've been waiting to say that for a long time, haven't you?
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Questions | Sex | Washington | Weirdness | Women | Words | Posted 2008-06-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As You Should Know All Too Well, Cuntrella
Teacher: Does anyone know how to spell that?
(silence)
Student: Looks like it's time to whip out the dic!
Teacher: Some words should *not* be shortened.
High School Classroom
Rhode Island
Categories: Default | Education | Questions | Rhode Island | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Does a Lovely Rendition of "Plaque in the USSR"
American woman on cell: So when you go to Moscow, can you bring me back some toothpaste? Yeah, just Crest. Thanks.
13th St
Washington, DC
Categories: Default | Geography | Health & Hygiene | Offers and requests | On the phone | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2008-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Just Because You Didn't Understand What 'Phone Sex' Meant
Guy: Just trust me on this one and go along with it one more time.
Girl: I did that last time and ended up with random things up my ass.
Stoneham, Massachusetts
Then I Realized It Was Just a Wellesley Student
Loud guy on street corner: And over there is where I saw my first hooker!
Tremont and Boylston
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I heard him from -inside- a car
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Guys | Massachusetts | Memory lane | Sexuality | Posted 2008-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hot!
Guy #1: So he lit the shot on fire and when he went to take it, part of it got on his face and instead of swallowing, he spat it everywhere and it all caught on fire.
Guy #2: Yeah, I bet he got laid that night, though.
Girl: Where, in the burn unit?
Houston, Texas
Categories: Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Sexuality | Texas | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Recycled Your Sister Without Batting an Eye
Little girl: You don't like me!
Mother: If I didn't like you, I'd throw you in the dumpster.
North Branford, Connecticut
Well, I Got a Lap Dance in the Buffet Line
Girl one: Smell my face. Smell right here. Doesn't it smell great? The stripper I got a lap dance from was wearing great perfume.
Girl two: It smells like pickles.
Toby Keith's Restaurant
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: At least it doesn't smell like tuna
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dancing | Default | Food | Girls | Nevada | Restaurants | Sensory experiences | Sexuality | Posted 2008-06-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Granted, I Cut Her, but They Still Owe Me Ten Bucks
Gay guy: I told them not to have hip-hop night cause a bitch would get cut. And what happened? A bitch got cut!
Outside The Hippo
Mt. Vernon, Mayrland
But I'll Be Playing Magic the Gathering in Here
Girl, entering bathroom stall: Please don't judge me!
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Default | Feelings | Girls | Offers and requests | Restroom | Posted 2008-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mirror, Mirror on the Hill/ Who's the Sluttiest at McGill?
Girl #1: You are definitely sluttier than I am!
Girl #2: No way. You are!
Girl #1: You are sleeping with two guys!
Girl #2: You sleep with guys and don't call them back...ever.
Girl #1: Is that slutty?
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by: cybertheque
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Girls | Infidelity | Overheard at McGill | Questions | Sexuality | Posted 2008-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Mean, He Is on Our Bedsheets
Nerdy freshman talking about philosophy: Well, it depends on what you consider real. Like is Spiderman real?
Kid sitting with him: Uh...
Nerdy freshman: Think about it! Is he?
U Mass
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Kids | Massachusetts | Philosophy | Pop culture | Questions | Students | Posted 2008-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Time I Try That, I Lose Some Memory
Mom: Arrrrgh. My brain just isn't working today!
Eight-year-old (deadpan): Did you try turning it off and on again?
Steveston
Canadia
Overheard by: laughing sangria out my nose
Lucy and Ethel Have a Serious Falling-out
Well dressed woman on cell: No, no, no. That's the problem, I can't just shoot her because she is on my property. She has to be like breaking into the house or something... We'll have to find another way.
Maket East Train Station
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Crimes | Default | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Suits | Train | Violence | Women | Posted 2008-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Somewhere There's a Live, Cheerful Half of a Rat, and No One Knows How Heavy He Is
Girl #1: And I was like: "How many depressed lab rats do you have to weigh and kill to figure that out?"
Girl #2: What?
Girl #3: 37.5, apparently.
Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota
Categories: Animals | Colleges & Universities | Default | Diet & weight | Friends | Minnesota | Questions | Science | Sorority types | Posted 2008-06-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yesterday You Said Genius Was 1% Inspiration and 99% Marbles
Little girl to mother: Revenge is made from marbles.
Aberdeen
Scotland
Overheard by: Fiona
Would It Help If I Glued This Viola to My Hand?
Non-Asian student to Asian student: Dude, I keep forgetting you're Asian.
Asian student: I know! Me too!
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: m. Jo.
From the Sex and the City Cutting-Room Floor
Guy: So they said to her: "Carrie, you can't wear a head lamp! That's a really obvious sign!" And she said: "Yeah! Of adventure!"
Mukilteo Ferry, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Categories: Advice | Boat/Ferry | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Sexuality | Washington | Posted 2008-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The FDA Has Less Influence Every Year
Woman: Do you have mothballs?
CVS employee: (after thinking for a few seconds) Is that a protein bar?
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Nana
Categories: Default | Offers and requests | Questions | Stores | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Women | Words | Posted 2008-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dating MacGyver Scars You for Life
Chick to friend: Oh, yeah, this doesn't look suspicious. A taco wrapped in a Dollar Tree bag, a baby, and a grill lighter.
16th Street Mall
Denver, Colorado
Michael Jackson: At Least I'm Consistent!
Woman talking on phone to friend: I have a real thing for little boys. I never used to...
Train Leaving Brighton
England
Overheard by: Wishing she hadn't tuned in at that point
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | England | Feelings | Kids | On the phone | Sexuality | Train | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Don't, Try the Cafeteria's Amphetameatloaf
History teacher (hanging up posters with spray adhesive): If ya'll get high from this, you're welcome.
High School
Columbia, South Carolina
Overheard by: thank you!
Categories: Default | Drugs | Education | Etiquette | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | South Carolina | Teachers | Posted 2008-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Head Cheerleaders Are Born, Not Made
Little kid in bathroom with grandmother: Poopies, yay, yay! Poopies, yay yay!
Arby's Bathroom
Howell, Michigan
Which Is Virtually Indistinguishable from His Singing
Chick on cell: David Hasselhoff just brushed past me. Mooing.
Coachella Music Festival
Indio, California
Overheard by: Brokeass Harem
Categories: About celebrities | California | Default | Girls | On the phone | Sensory experiences | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gay People. Is There Any Social Problem They Can't Fix?
Guy: So it's her mom, her mom's boyfriend, and her dad?
Girl: Yeah. It would be so awkward if her dad wasn't gay.
Corpus Christi, Texas
Overheard by: it already is.
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Family ties | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Questions | Relationships | Sexuality | Texas | Posted 2008-06-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Doesn't Come Up Much, but a Rule Is a Rule
Student: Yeah... I don't really take advice from a kid wearing a winter hat indoors, drinking white grape juice out of a measuring cup.
SUNY Cortland
Cortland, New York
Categories: Advice | Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | New York | Students | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Daphne, Velma and the Gang Were Really Up to in That Van
Kid with lisp: Let's investigate some underwear!
Fairwood, Washington
Overheard by: that won't be in the children's section...
So If Anyone Requires a Strip-o-Gram...
Law professor: I don't get paid very well at this job. And I need beer money.
SFSU
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: RL
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Gripes | Jobs & Careers | Money | San Francisco | Teachers | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yes
Student: I bet half of the kids are still going to show up at the computer room.
Teacher: You think half of them will, or half of them won't?
East Meadow Drive
Palo Alto, California
Categories: California | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Right Up There with the Taoist Classic "C Is For Cookie-- Is Good Enough for Me"
Female voice over speakerphone: Maybe you shouldn't listen to me. I just reached into my glass of milk to retrieve a cookie that I accidentally dropped to the bottom during dunking. Now I am covered in milk. I've got milk hands!
Fraternity guy: I thought you were trying to make your own metaphor, like "I don't see the glass as half empty or half full, I see my hand in it retrieving cookies."
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Wants No Part Of This
Categories: Advice | Default | Food | Frat boy types | Health & Hygiene | Rhode Island | Women | Words | Posted 2008-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Who You Callin' a Dias?
Old man with mullet to brown child in stroller: Buenos dias, niñito.
Woman pushing stroller: We're black. He knows English.
Gallivan Center Trax Station
Salt Lake City, Utah
Oh, and Death. And Taxes
20-something #1: Yeah, see, that's our problem: These girls are pushing 30 and their biological clocks are going off and all that.
20-something #2: Well, that wasn't my problem before, she was 23 when I started dating her.
20-something #1 (thoughtfully): Yeah... that's our other problem: time.
Airplane between Detroit and Las Vegas
Overheard by: ncs
Categories: Age and ageing | Airports & flights | Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Relationships | Science | Posted 2008-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Reason Dirges Were Invented
Girl on cell: You know, like, I don't feel tired, but, like, I know in my heart that I'm tired. You know?
University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | On the phone | Washington | Posted 2008-06-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Prefer 'Hoboes'-- but Thanks for the Weed!
Stoner #1: The other day I saw this homeless guy, and I felt bad, and I had just bought a stack, so I gave him some weed. He was like: "Thank you very much."
Stoner #2: Are you serious?
Stoner #1: Yeah. I don't care what anybody says, that was the most down shit ever. I fucking love bums.
Chino, California
Categories: California | Default | Drugs | Feelings | Friends | Panhandling | Stoners | Posted 2008-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Always Wanted to Be a Fascist
TSA agent, looking at ID: So Judy*, how are you doing today?
50-something woman: Fine. How are you?
TSA agent: You know, living the dream.
Security Terminal
Airport, Minneapolis
English Conversation Is Fun
Attractive 30-year-old blond European woman: You can say it, say it, sayyyyyy it!
50-year-old well dressed Japanese man: Penis... penis... penis...
Ginza
Tokyo
Japan
Overheard by: Brian Milvid
We've Lived a Lifetime in This One Elevator Ride
Professionally dressed Asian girl (in a low voice): I can't believe you showed that girl your pubes, man!
Short, pudgy Asian guy (in a low indignant voice): Well *I* can't believe you showed her your innie nipple!
Elevator, Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: McNasty
Categories: Asians | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Nipples | San Francisco | Posted 2008-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Even Doggy-Style?
Girl: But she said you were cute.
Guy: Yeah but it's like: puppies are cute, but you don't fuck a puppy.
New York City
New York
Overheard by: I'm more of a cat person...
Categories: Animals | Compare and contrast | Compliments | Default | Girls | Guys | New York | Sex | Words | Posted 2008-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jenny Made the Same Observations About Every Church Fundraiser
Respectable-looking chick on cell: Not *nearly* enough trannies.
Vallejo and Powell
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Gripes | On the phone | San Francisco | Sexuality | Posted 2008-06-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Guess If You Want to Be Anal About It...
Teen girl with group of friends: But I don't get it... Why would you wipe it *that* way particularly?
(long silence, group of friends look at each other)
Friend, incredulously: Uhh... So you don't get shit in your vag?
Federation Square
Melbourne
Australia
I Guess That's What They Want. What They Really, Really Want
Random guy, outside bank: I don't get it! It's like they're spending their money on Spice Girls tickets instead of drugs!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: irina
And Now the Judge Says I Can't Babysit There?
Girl to fourteen classmates: I do *everything* in the bathroom!
The Melting Pot
New Jersey
Overheard by: supersecret!
Categories: Etiquette | Euphemisms | Girls | New Jersey | Restaurants | Students | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Perhaps Some Clove Cigarettes Would Help
Geek #1: But I'm a semi-Mac user! I can't have a beard and be a Mac user!
Geek #2: Yeah, I know what you mean...
Memorial University
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Beardless Mac User
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Friends | Hair | Shaving | Technology | Posted 2008-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...A Metaphor I Would Know Nothing About
Professor: The Government was spending money like a drunken sailor in a Tijuana whorehouse.
Macroeconomics Class
University of California
Overheard by: Econometrically Bored
Categories: California | Class | Compare and contrast | Default | Money | Politics | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Technique's Right Out Of The Shaolin Cookbook
Girl on bus: So, I'm like: "Bitch, you can't question my big fork usage!"
99 Bus
Vancouver
Canadia
Instead, I'll Discuss Your Pain With This Complete Stranger
Boyfriend to gas station attendant: She slept with the entire football team in high school.
Girlfriend: Maybe, but I still wouldn't have slept with you.
Boyfriend: Yeah? Really? How's your butt feel? Ha! I haven't even told my friends about that yet!
Richmond, Virginia
She'll Be All, "Help Me, Dr. Phil"!
Guy #1: I love getting Lisa* Taco Bell.
Guy #2: Why's that?
Guy #1: It's gonna get her fat! I'm going to get extra sour cream and she's going to be all like: "Damn, this is delicious!" Meanwhile, she'll be getting fat.
Kangaroo
Gainesville, Florida
Categories: Default | Diet & weight | Florida | Food | Friends | Guys | Offers and requests | Questions | Relationships | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why You Gotta Ax So Many Questions?
Jackie O. lookalike: If I can't sneak cigarettes into my house, what makes you think I can get an ax?
Starfest Sci-fi Convention
Denver, Colorado
But Don't You Think Toddlers Deserve to Work in Coal Mines?
Student: That's terrible!
Professor: I agree, I'm a horrible person.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
I Can Always Play Canasta Again Later
Guy to friend returning from bathroom: (distraught) But I wanted to be the one to do it with you! I wanted to be the one to do it with you!
Gables Night Club
Inwood West Virginia
Overheard by: joanna
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Feelings | Friends | Guys | Sexuality | West Virginia | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You Still Upset About My Sandals With Black Socks?
Dad: That's an awfully big brownie. You know it's so big it's a Girl Scout.
Daughter: Silence.
Dad: Hey, this is funny stuff from your dad.
(daughter stares at him in silence)
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: Tim
Categories: Compare and contrast | Dads | Default | Family ties | Food | Girls | Kids | New York | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maybe Just Take It to a George Clooney Movie
Girl on cell: We're going to vibe her vagina. Well, not vibe it.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: K
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | On the phone | San Francisco | Toys | Vagina | Words | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Pope: Perhaps I Haven't Been Clear...
Cool college chick to friends: Ya know, birth control is the thing that makes sex okay.
Mexican Restaurant
Virginia
Overheard by: KMCV
Categories: Abortion | Default | Friends | Restaurants | Sex | Sorority types | Virginia | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From the Epic Best-Seller Rich Man, Poo Man
Boy in bar: Why does everyone always make me out to be the poo guy?
Oaktown, California
Overheard by: sitting further away now
You Laugh, But He Has Poisoned Darts in His Backpack
Seven-year-old little boy staring at a little old lady with white hair: You're going to die!
Hilander
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Koosa
Categories: Age and ageing | Death & dying | Default | Guys | Illinois | Kids | Kids | Threats | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can You Prove That's Where They Are?
20-something girl to another: Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot you weren't privy to the thoughts that are in my head.
Bathroom, Second City Comedy Club
Chicago, Illinois
They Have a Cool Little Hotspot Called Bar Nun
Balding yuppie guy on cell: All things being equal, I would like to drink.
(pause)
Balding yuppie guy on cell: Oh, so you guys are drinking in the convent?
Saxby's Coffee
Georgetown, Washington, DC
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | On the phone | Questions | Religion | Restaurants | Washington, DC | Wishes | Yuppies | Posted 2008-06-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop Eating the Foil Containers, You Tard
Roommate: I don't eat leftovers. They make my throat hurt.
Brandon
Manitoba
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Default | Food | Sensory experiences | Students | Posted 2008-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Anyway, Are the Cheerleaders All Okay?
Queer #1: You said: "Oooh, girl, you can't build a pyramid on top of a pyramid."
Queer #2: Did I say: "Oooh, girl"?! I did not say "Oooh, girl"!
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: The Faghag
In an Abstruse Theological Way That Requires Nothing of Us
Mid-30s casual man to woman: Obama is our modern-day political Jesus Christ. He will save us.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: babybug
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Guys | Jesus | Politics | San Francisco | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Last Time I'll Babysit Those Brats
Mellow teen: I got slapped in the tit with a dildo last night.
New Paltz, New York
Like We'd Really Elect a Latino?
Teen girl to classmates: Jesus was not a President!
US History Class, High School
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Default | History | Jesus | Politics | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And This Time Don't Roll on Me Just Because They Offer You Cookies and Juice
Little boy: You used to have a pocket knife, mommy!
Mother, laughing nervously: No, I didn't!
Little boy: Yes you did! You used to!
Nervous mother: No, I never did! I never had a pocket knife! Please don't tell the police that!
YMCA
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Muffin
It's Hard to Be Sure, but I Think I Won
College girl: And then she got all high and mighty about it. She was like: "Remember when you passed out in my bathroom? I do!" And I was like: "Remember when you were born and looked like a man? I do!"
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Russ
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Compare and contrast | Default | Gender issues | Insults | Kids | New York | Sorority types | Posted 2008-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And He Usually Takes Duct Tape As Well
Girl: Hey, does anyone know if Stu* is still alive?
Guy: What? Why?
Girl, laughing: Because he went out into the woods last night with nothing but a lighter and a can of tomato soup.
Egremont, Massachusetts
Overheard by: lily
Categories: Death & dying | Fears | Food | Friends | Girls | Guys | Massachusetts | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aww, Look at Its Little Fuzzy Valtrex
Girl, observing a display of plush microbes: I want herpes! I think it's so cute!
SUNY
Geneseo, New York
Overheard by: Jeni
Just When You Thought Canadians and Americans Had Nothing in Common
Guy #1: What are you gonna do for your spare?
Guy #2: I don't know, probably get a sandwich and beat off in the library.
High School
British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: Nick
Categories: Canadia | Default | Education | Food | Friends | Guys | Masturbation | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Reject Gender Stratification
Five-year boy in front of a door: (frantically) Which one? I have to go!
Exasperated mother: The men's room.
Little boy: Which one?!
Mother: That one (points) and that's why you need to learn to read.
Barnes & Noble
Cary, North Carolina
Or Do I Have to Play That Bobby McFerrin Song Again?
Mother to quietly weeping child: Can't you just... be happy?
Target Parking Lot
Cumming, Georgia
Overheard by: Caylin
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Georgia | Happiness | Kids | Moms | Offers and requests | Stores | Wishes | Posted 2008-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Olive Oyl's Been Dating Popeye for a Long Time
Hipster chick: I am who I am and that's what I like about me, but it keeps getting me into these shitty situations.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Bragging | Compare and contrast | Default | Feelings | Girls | Hipsters | Pennsylvania | Pride | Posted 2008-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some News Just Sounds Better from a Payphone
Loud man on payphone: He said they removed something like four pimples from his prostate. What? No! Pimples! Pimples on his prostate!
Florida State Campus
Overheard by: Dr. Ian Maxwell von Indypants
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Florida | Guys | Health & Hygiene | On the phone | Words | Posted 2008-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Sister"? Really?
Woman on cell: That poor baby-mama! Or, shall I say: "wife".
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Massachusetts | On the phone | Relationships | Women | Words | Posted 2008-06-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Considering Reaching Out to Her With a Fifty Caliber Rifle
Man #1: How's your wife?
Man #2: How should I know?
Man #1: What do you mean: "How should I know?"? She's your wife! Don't you talk to her?
Man #2: Not since she got the restraining order on me.
Huxley, Iowa
Overheard by: Hondo
Anybody Have Any Bread?
(student coughs violently into hands, spewing fake blood)
Lit professor: Oh my god! Are you okay?
Student: (coughing up more blood) Can I go to the bathroom?
Lit professor: Oh my god, go, go!
(student leaves)
Lit professor: (realizing it's April 1st) Haha... His consumption smells like raspberries.
Colorado University, Boulder
Overheard by: In the back of the classroom
Categories: Class | Colorado | Default | Food | Health & Hygiene | Holidays | Maladies | Offers and requests | Questions | Sensory experiences | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is That How the Peter Rabbit Story Is Supposed to End?
Surprised biker: And once he was released from custody, he never ate rice again.
Outside Burger Joint
Glendale, California
Overheard by: Brady
Categories: California | Crimes | Default | Food | Restaurants | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wasn't I Right About 2000-- and 2001?
Goth chick: Don't talk to me about the year 2012. The year 2012 is seriously pissing me off.
Otaku chick: Try to stick around for 2013 anyway. Just trust me on this one.
University Plaza
Colorado State
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Fears | Feelings | Friends | Girls | Goths | Offers and requests | Threats | Posted 2008-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Way I'm Stealing Your Bra
Student: So if I, like, read something in the library and I memorize it, am I, like, stealing it with my mind?
Instructor: Yes. You can steal things with your mind.
Copy Editing Class
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
Nietzsche Was a Shitty Roommate
Boy housemate #1: Ah! I feel so sick, my tummy hurts.
Girl housemate #1: Do you want some soup?
Girl housemate #2: Do you want some toast?
Boy housemate #2: Do you want some "harden-the-fuck-up"?
Gold Coast
Australia
Enough with the Empire-Waists Already, People
Chick: Do I look pregnant in this dress?
Boyfriend: Nah, I told you. It just looks like something a pregnant person would wear.
Lakeline Mall
Austin, Texas
What Happens When You Breastfeed at Trendy Lounges
Little boy, to stoic mother in shoe aisle: I love the night life! I like the boobies! I love the night life! I like the boobies!
(five minutes later, at checkout lane)
Little boy, to stoic mother: I love the night life! I like the boobies! I love the night life! I like the boobies!...
Kohl's
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Me too, my man.
Categories: Body parts | Default | Illinois | Kids | Moms | Should have used a condom | Stores | Weirdness | Words | Posted 2008-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Slut Recordkeeping System Parallels Major League Baseball's
Drunk girl, loudly, to her drunk friends: I mean, she's slept with or semi-slept with more people than I have!
Clark and Broadway
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: flunk_punk
Categories: Compare and contrast | Creepsters | Default | Drunks | Friends | Girls | Illinois | Sexuality | Posted 2008-06-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Someone's Gotta Inspire Hanson's Next Effort
Guy: What are you showing me? Bruises on your knees? You can't do that with every guy in the band you know.
Girl: I know. But that would be awesome if I could!
Carroll Community College
Maryland
Overheard by: Left Speechless
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Friends | Girls | Guys | Maryland | Questions | Posted 2008-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
...for Chip 'n' Dale
Little boy, covered in glitter: Mom! Casey's whompin' glitter on me again!
Little girl: I am not!
Mother: She's just tryin' to make you look pretty!
Magic Kingdom, Disney World
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Natalie
Categories: Beauty | Compare and contrast | Family ties | Florida | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Kids | Kids | Moms | Tourist attractions | Posted 2008-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can They Still Call It Martha Stewart Living?
Girl on cell: Wait... Wait! You're telling me she's not a zombie? You mean she's actually dead?
Emory College
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Zack
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Death & dying | Default | Georgia | Girls | On the phone | Questions | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Wonder What Happens to the Child Actors on SVU?
Mother to impatient son: Do you want to show me how you count?
Five-year-old: Ok. One. Two. Three. Fuck.
Mother: What!? Adam*, you know you're not supposed to say...
Four-year-old: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Mother: Adam*, I said stop! That's a very, very bad word.
Four-year-old, putting hands on ears: You fuck, you fuck, you fuck.
Holt Renfrew
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: M
Chyna's a Great Role Model for Girls
Seven-year-old girl: Mom, when I grow up I wanna be big and beautiful.
Mom: What?
Seven-year-old girl: You heard me, big and beautiful!
Target, Connecticut
If He Inquires, Just Say "It's Because You're So Big"
American backpacker girl, about her new hostel boyfriend: So, as of this afternoon, he's one step closer to not being a virgin.
Dutch girl, shocked: What about your period?!
American friend, walking up: Don't worry. Just do it. He won't even know what's going on anyways.
Loki Hostel
La Paz
Bolivia
Categories: Default | Foreigners | Friends | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Sexuality | South America | Tourists | Virginity | Posted 2008-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Kind They Blind You With
Girl #1: What's Scientology?
Girl #2: Isn't it like, you know, science?
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: Dave
I Assume That Means a General Lack of Randiness
Girl: What about her? She's cute.
Guy: Yeah... but her boobs are small.
Girl: What's wrong with small boobs anyway?
Guy: They're... not... big.
Restaurant, Oregon
Categories: Beauty | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Girls | Guys | Oregon | Questions | Restaurants | Posted 2008-06-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next Time Put the Message in a Bottle
Girl in stall: I have paper stuck in my vagina.
Friend: You might not want to say that, there's people here.
Girl in stall: Why is vagina a bad word?
Ladies Room, Foreplay Bar
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: How did it get there?
Only with Two More X's
Little girl: Mom, what's a prostitute?
Mother, nervous: Uh, a woman who does extreme cuddling for money.
Little girl: Extreme cuddling X Games?!
Denver, Colorado
Did You Know You Have No Lubrication Back There?
Girl: Sorry about the chafing. My butt still hurts when I poo.
Boy: [Makes sad face.]
Girl: From your surprise. I don't like your surprises.
Boy: It surprised me too!
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Default | Etiquette | Feelings | Girls | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | Poop | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Question Every Rock Of Love Contestant Must Eventually Face
College-aged girl on cell: How am I supposed to date him if I'm afraid he's going to kill me and keep my vagina in a jar?
Grocery Store, Kentucky
Mark Penn Offered Us $2 Million for This Quote
Black girl to another black girl wearing Obama t-shirt: Girl, what is that on your shirt? Mmmm, Obama is looking all fine up on your chest.
UNC
Greensboro, North Carolina
Categories: Black people | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Default | Girls | North Carolina | Politics | Posted 2008-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was More of a Poem, Really
Guy: So I fell asleep in bio today and when I woke up this bitch was watching me.
Girl: Good story.
Guy: And then I sneezed.
Girl: [Laughs.] Wait, that was actually part of your story?
Hoboken, New Jersey
Unless It's a Naughty Nurse
Stoned frat boy: I have this aversion with talking to dentists... or really anyone who wants to help me with my general health.
SUNY Geneseo
New York
Overheard by: Jeni
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Frat boy types | Health & Hygiene | New York | Stoners | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, I'm Sorry--Aren't You a Size Queen?
Tall guy: My girlfriend's ex-boyfriend had an eight inch penis.
Younger friend girl: What!? Why would she tell you that?!
Tall guy: I guess she just thought I should know.
Younger friend girl: No, here's a better question. Why would you tell me that!?
Chick-fil-A
Houston, Texas
Categories: Default | Friends | Girls | Guys | Penis | Questions | Relationships | Restaurants | Sexuality | Texas | Posted 2008-06-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Never Before Has a Yeast Infection Been So Delicious
Female sexual predator: I have a cookie jar in my pants and the lid is always open!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Creepsters | Default | Offers and requests | Overheard at McGill | Sexuality | Women | Words | Posted 2008-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Slippery Slope Leading to Marriage and Children
40-something woman on phone: Was that the time when we made cone bras or the time when we shaved our legs with a nail file?
Toronto
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Default | On the phone | Questions | Relationships | Shaving | Weirdness | Women | Posted 2008-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whereas Elizabeth Taylor Will Turn Into Delicious Pudding
Professor: One day you'll wake up an old weathered hag, unless you're Cher--she'll just turn to dust one day when the sun hits her.
McDaniel College
Maryland
Categories: About celebrities | Age and ageing | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Maryland | Teachers | Posted 2008-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Their Relationship's in the Crapper
Exasperated woman: I just called to say "I love you" while I had a moment to myself, okay?! Jeez! [Flushes.]
Women's Bathroom, Bay Park Square Mall
Green Bay, Wisconsin
Knows All the Homeopathic Crab Remedies
Middle-aged creepster: She was a slut in middle school, so she's my type of girl.
Gentle Bens Brewery
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: a middle school slut
Categories: Arizona | Bars & Clubs | Compliments | Creepsters | Default | Education | Guys | Sexuality | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Put the Bedazzler Down, Bert
Guy, aggressively: I'll sparkle you!
The Eiffel Tower
Paris
France
Overheard by: Emily
Categories: France | Guys | Threats | Tourist attractions | Words | Posted 2008-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is the Range of Gay Sex Really That Limited?
Straight guy: I really need your advice about this girl.
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: No. Her mom set us up on this date...
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: You just suggested that. I mean, I like her but I definitely don't want to date her, and we're supposed to hang out this weekend, but I don't know what to do with her.
Gay guy: Well, just be like: "Hey, do you want to toss a Frisbee in the arboretum?"
Straight guy: And if she says yes, be like: "Okay, do you want to toss my salad in the arboretum?"
Gay guy: Awesome.
Lancaster, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: $kank
Categories: Advice | Backdoor | Compliments | Default | Family ties | Friends | Guys | Offers and requests | Pennsylvania | Queers | Questions | Words | Posted 2008-06-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But "Jews Give Me a Boner" Is Positive
MHS student to another: Emileeeeeeey... You can't say the "boner" word at a Holocaust luncheon!
University 4
Moscow, Idaho
Overheard by: i agree
Your Soul Is Irredeemably Banal
Spaced-out kid: And I think it was some kind of message in that out-of-body experience. Like, it was my soul trying to tell me that after I finished puking, I should take a shower.
Teenage queer: Your dreams are fucked.
St. Andrew's College
Aurora
Canadia
How Do You Think Pizza Bagels Are Conceived?
Little girl: My pizza is naked!
Fresh Grocer
Drexel Hill, Pennsylvania
It's Also a Bathroom of a Sort
Girl: Can you tell me where the bathroom is?
Woman: Yeah, it's at the end of this hallway. Just don't look in the cage there.
Highland, Utah
Overheard by: A tiny bit worried...!
Sorry, Just Taking My Neuroses for a Walk
Professor: And this means that... [Looks at two students in the second row wearing striped shirts.] I just noticed that you two are matching! Wow! Anyway, this means that... [Sees another student farther back.] You too! [Stands back, eyes class suspiciously.] That's almost too much of a coincidence.
Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Clothes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Sensory experiences | Teachers | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Cats Are Hypersensitive to Comma Faults
Boy: So why did you move here?
Girl: I was gonna go to art school and then I wrote this big essay and my cat shit on it.
Boy: Literally shit on it?
Girl: Yeah, I took it as a sign.
18 Bus
Seattle, Washington
And Letting My Baby Steer
College girl to friend: He's a really scary driver. He'll go fifty on gravel roads. I mean, I go fifty on gravel roads, but only if I'm really, really drunk.
El Rancho
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: RW
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Drinking & drunks | Fears | Girls | Missouri | Sorority types | Posted 2008-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Have... a Drinking Problem
Obscenely tall man: I'm sorry. This is really random, but I was just drinking a milkshake. And... I think I spilled some on my head. Can you check it out for me?
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Categories: Body parts | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Offers and requests | Sensory experiences | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2008-06-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |