Overheard Everywhere | May 2008 Archives

So the Reverend Wrote That Down under "Burial Wishes"

Wannabe thug #1: So I told her: "Bitch, there'd better be flowers on my balls!"
Wannabe thug #2: Straight.

Mission Hill
Massachusetts

Overheard by: Henry

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Told You When God Closes a Door, He Opens a Window

Father: So, any luck with finding a jacket?
Teenage daughter: No, but somebody tried to sell me drugs.
Father: Well, that's something.

Victoria Market
Melbourne
Australia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Rain on Your Wedding Day, for Instance, Is Just Good Luck

[At computer lab.]
Student #1: Try looking up "irony-", that might work.
Student #2: Irony isn't even a word, idiot.

Royalton, Minnesota

Overheard by: Lynn

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I'm Thinking, I'm Thinking!

Prof: Do you think that kicking a pregnant woman in the stomach was wrong?
Student: Ummmm... I'm not certain.
Prof: Do you think that what he did was a crime?
[Student pauses for nearly 30 seconds.]
Student #2: Dude, he kicked a baby.

Seton Hall Law
Newark, New Jersey

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And Don't Even Get Me Started on This Banana Lamp

[Two 18-year-old girls are browsing a table full of random items for sale at a Christian thrift store at a local church.]
Girl #1: This candle holder would probably feel great inside my pussy.
Girl #2, barely startled: Haha. Yeah.
Girl #1: Ooh, this shirt is nice!

Gothenburg
Sweden

Overheard by: Donny Boots

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Now Aren't You Glad We Went Through My Daughter's Sock Drawer?

Middle-aged woman, to older woman: Those were some really good drugs!

Dunkin' Donuts
University of Rhode Island

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Unless There's Something I Don't Know About DVD Players

Guy on cell: Just because you own one doesn't make you Mormon!

Barnes & Noble
Southlake, Texas

Overheard by: Autumn

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Planned Parenthood Would Have Advised Mary to Say No

Planned parenthood speaker: I'm here to talk to you about birth control.
Chick, ecstatic: This really is the best Christmas ever!

High School Assembly
Englewood, Colorado

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Some of Which Also Wound Up on Her Thigh

Frat boy #1: ... And it just came out on her thigh. He didn't even get it in. Just wound up on her thigh.
Frat boy #2, mumbling: Dude! I hate when that happens.
Frat boy #1: What?!
Frat boy #2: I said I ate some chicken.

University of Alabama, Alabama

Overheard by: CB

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

They Have the Cutest Little Subway

[Girl hugging a guy.]
Girl: Eew, you smell like vagina.
Guy: Oh no, that's just Philadelphia.

Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Overheard by: EavesdropDC

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Since It Conflicted with Their Weekly Swingers' Parties

Soccer mom #1: Is Cindy* coming?
Soccer mom #2: No, she broke up with Steve* today.
Soccer mom #1: She broke up with Steve*? Why?
Soccer mom #2: She called him and told him she wanted to play mixed doubles tennis, and he just lost it.

LA Fitness Locker Room
Buford, Georgia

Overheard by: trying not to laugh

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Chicken Doesn't Count, Sir

60-year-old journalism professor: Oh, the choking game? Heh... I play that all the time.

Emerson College
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Sarah

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

But Not a Real Green Dress --That's Cruel

Girl on phone: I'll go on MySpace and look until I die for a picture of you in a ugly green dress!

Orlando Ale House
Orlando, Florida

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

How Can You Be Anal Enough to Label Your Speedos but Still Lose Them?

Voice over loudspeaker: Attention members. Will Arthur Sarksian come to the front desk? We found your Speedos.

24 Hour Fitness
Glendale, California

Overheard by: James Jameson

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Because He Was a Lame Duck

Chick: So, they haven't actually had a mayor since the last one had to be euthanized...

Honors Lounge, Metro State College
Denver, Colorado

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Christianity's All About the Special Effects

Girl to mother: You know, that's why I'm so messed up. My main memories of church are smearing fake blood on a Ken doll for Cain killing Abel, with pigeons cooing at me; and dancing across the stage in a pink tutu for The Odyssey.

Aurora, Colorado

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Dude Said He Wanted to Sail on My Wine-Dark Sea

Girl on cell: I just heard the most epic pickup line. Like, if Homer had known this pickup line it would have been all over The Odyssey.

Northwestern University
Illinois

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

The Environment Thanks You, Citizen!

Woman browsing through dildos at a sex shop: Do you have any of these that plug in? I run through batteries too fast.

Toledo, Ohio

Overheard by: Cap

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

It Is Hard To Come Across Jeans Already Faded

Guy watching Macy's commercial: Ugh! This American obsession with consumerism is just disgusting! Not to mention flawed.
Sarcastic girl: What the hell do you think you are, Mr. Abercrombie jeans? Jamaican?

Western Washington University
Bellingham, Washington

Overheard by: He was obviously a freshman

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

While Headbanging, My Mom Broke Her Own Neck

Spanish prof: What's the difference between a stone and a rock, English speakers?
Student #1: A stone is smooth and near water.
Student #2: A rock is big, like you can't pick it up.
Spanish prof: Well, that would make sense. I mean, we stone people to death, we don't rock them to death.
Cute girl student: It's happened before.

De Anza Community College
Cupertino, California

Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl has a little crush on her

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Wanted You to Understand How It Felt to Read Your Term Papers

Professor: I think I popped a few Oxycontins before I wrote this so it might not make any sense.

Salem State College
Salem, Massachusetts

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I Like the Colors in My LSD Trip to Arrive in a Predictable Sequence

Young woman: Sometimes I feel like I'm in the seventies.
Friend: What? Why?
Young woman: Well, I mean... It's usually just when I look at stoplights, like the yellow ones.

Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com

Overheard by: that makes one of us

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

"You're the Meanest Babysitter Ever!" She Screamed

Suit on cell: Yeah, well, we got into a fight about whether she would rather have a regenerating salami foot, or a regenerating cheese hand. She chose cheese hand, but I explained about the salami foot being protected by socks, while the cheese hand is exposed to everything. The conversation just went downhill from there...

Bellevue, Washington

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Either Way I Won't Be Able to Get Off Now

Suit #1: I can't believe I've lost them again!
Suit #2: Are we talking about dildos still or the midgets?

McDonald's Parking Lot
St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: I wish I heard the first part of this conversation

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

I'd Heard the Expression "Nose Candy" and Gotten Confused

Female student, looking at Valentine candy display: Oh, I love those little cinnamon hearts.
Male student: Oh, me too. When I was a kid I used to snort them up my nose.

Guelph
Ontario
Canadia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Childbirth Is All a Hoax

20-something hipster girl to another: So, anyway, no one is pregnant.

Sorella's Diner

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Julianna

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

My Point Exactly

Stoner #1: Yo, what time is it?
Stoner #2: Oh! I know, right?

Roslindale, Massachusetts

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Freud: I'm Not Even Sure What She Wants

Girl #1: Yeah, that's not cool, but I understand. He sounds very immature.
Girl #2: He is. It's such a shame. I laid in bed last night reminiscing about the time I spent with him in bed. It's like I can still feel it. Too bad he's such an asshole, and too bad that good dick makes me so... not able to accept what a douchebag a guy really is.

Atlanta, Georgia

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Jenna Jameson: "Story of My Life, Honey"

20-something girl: My ass hurts and my throat is sore. I also feel very underwhelmed.

San Francisco, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Would You Mind Taking a Picture Of Us With It?

[A young woman in a wetsuit and a young man in normal clothing are standing near the packaged meats.]
Female employee: Can I help you with anything?
Young woman: Oh, no thanks, we're just admiring the bacon.
Female employee: Oh. Okay! Have a nice day!

Vons
Ventura, California

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

A Family Tradition I've Been Staunch about Continuing

Drunk woman: ... And that's how my parents hooked up! My dad was a drunk dialer!

Outside George's
Waco, Texas

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Just the Guy We've Been Looking For!

Scientologist: Excuse me, sir. Would you like a free personality test from the Church of Scientology?
Suit: I don't need one. My wife says I'm an asshole.

Outside Church of Scientology, Yonge Street
Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: lauren mcgoldrick

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Drugging Miss Daisy

Old white lady, leaving table with a flourish: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the bathroom to shoot up.

Lemongrass
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Loves Her Some Thai Food

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

At Least You Have Your Priorities Straight

Ten-year-old boy: You know what I would have if I could have four wishes?
Big sister: I don't know. What?
Ten-year-old boy: One: no drought in Georgia; Two: no global warming; Three: world peace; Four: a Komodo dragon that is really nice and fun to play with, is a vegetarian, lives forever and can grant eternal life.

Druid Hills, Atlanta

Overheard by: Miranda

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

If Chris Rock Had a Nickel for Every Time He's Heard That...

Teen boy to other teen boy: You'd be racist if you weren't so funny.

Leeds, England

Overheard by: Ashleigh

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Graduation Is Such a Sausagefest

Guy to friend, matter-of-factly: You know he's just teaching there for the kielbasa.

Macalester College
St. Paul, Minnesota

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

That Was an Olsen Twin

Teenage girl: Ohmigod, guess what!
Boyfriend: What?
Teenage girl: I just ran over a possum and it humped my car!

Chattanooga, Tennessee

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

Delta Burke Saw His Point

Bum women: Do you have bus fare? I need bus fare.
Woman: Sorry, I don't have any change.
Bum: Well, fuck you, you fat, scheming, cheap bitches!

Main Street
Hartford, Connecticut

Alsome | Thumbs up | Thumbs down | Wtf?

And I Didn't Notice Until Lunchtime

Blundergrad: I was really irritable today. There was something up my butt. Literally!

Northwestern University
Illinois

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