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March 2008 Archives
E-U-G-E-N-I-C-S
Loud woman: How do you spell 'taxi'?
1801 Alexander Bell Drive
Reston, Virginia
Throw Ball Bearings on the Floor and Say You Just Jerked Off
Seminary student: I always wanted to just write down a series of numbers and letters on the birth certificate, and then later tell my kid they were a robot. It'd be awesome because you'd have the real, original birth certificate to prove it -- to prove that they were a robot...
Princeton, New Jersey
Shout-out: pomomusings.com
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | New Jersey | Students | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2008-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... With Our Settlement Money
Fancy girl #1: Oh my god, getting hit by a car is totally my favorite activity.
Fancy girl #2: Really? Mine is shopping.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Overheard at McGill | Stupidity | Violence | Posted 2008-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Stand Out from Your Husband's Other Wives
Mother: That dress is cheap -- cheap like the cigarette cartoons in my mother's freezer.
Daughter: It's prom. You're supposed to look cheap.
Salt Lake City, Utah
That's a BMW, You Little Freak.
Two-year-old, pointing at car: Mercedes!
Putt-Putt Mini Golf
Beverly Hills, California
Overheard by: McF
Categories: California | Default | Kids | Kids | Posted 2008-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Part of What It Means to Be an American
Dude: Is it strange that every time I hear opera, it makes me think of Looney Tunes?
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Rosie
I Mean, Tea, Biscuits and Stories about the Blitz...!
Teen boy #1: What? You love old ladies?
Teen boy #2: Like. Like.
Leeds
UK
Alphonse Was Sick That Day in Health Class
Middle-aged black man #1: She has a pretty face.
Middle-aged black man #2: I can't fuck a face!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Tad Allagash
Categories: Black people | Comebacks | Compliments | Default | Gripes | Guys | Illinois | Posted 2008-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dakota Works for Chris Hansen
Little girl singing in the aisle: Hide the wiener, hide the wiener!
Target
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stephanie
Who Knew Yuppie Teens Could Leave Us So Intrigued?
Yuppie teen girl #1: I'm sooo glad it didn't happen when those boys were looking at the restaurant!
Yuppie teen girl #2: Your face is totally like a target for their... like... stuff.
Hotel elevator
South Carolina
Overheard by: wtf are you talking about?
When Ward Was Out of Town, June Left Beaver with Wally and Went Barhopping
Guy: So, what do you do?
Woman: Well, I'm actually a homemaker.
Guy: ... Oh! So you're, like, in construction? That's cool.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: DRB
Doesn't Smoke, Never Misses a Curfew...
Well-dressed older lady: That's definitely one of the better diphthongs.
Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: California | Compliments | Default | Old folks | Women | Words | Posted 2008-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ms. Coulter Limits Herself to the Republican Party
Woman on cell in bathroom stall: Well, I told them she's only available for parties. She's not just gonna come over and take her clothes off for anybody!
Rehm Pool
Oak Park, Illinois
Overheard by: A Lifeguard
Categories: Default | Illinois | Jobs & Careers | On the phone | Women | Posted 2008-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You're Not in a Relationship Just because She Says So
Meathead to another: Dude, are you in a relationship? 'Cause if you're not in a relationship, you don't have to call her ever. Do you hear me? Ever!
Safeway
Ellensburg, Washington
Categories: Advice | Default | Jocks | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Washington | Posted 2008-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Fountain on the Right
Loud guy in restaurant: So, we were out shopping and there were all these women in burkas taking pictures of each other. How fucking pointless is that? It's not like they're going to look back afterwards and go, 'Oh, look, there's Doris by the fountain!'
England
A Penis Doesn't Care What You Think
Blonde: ... And then there was, like, this penis all up in my face, and I was like, 'But I thought you were a girl...'
Montclair State University
New Jersey
Overheard by: Anna
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Gender issues | New Jersey | Penis | Sexuality | Posted 2008-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Stop Masturbating in the Shower -- You're Clogging the Drain.
Pilot to passengers: Welcome to Hawaii! I'm going to tell you all what my mom told me when I turned 18: get your bags and get out.
Direct flight from Seattle, Washington to Oakland, California
Categories: Airports & flights | California | Default | Geography | Memory lane | Offers and requests | Pilots | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes You Do Know What You're Missing
Little old lady to husband: I don't care how many times you've washed it or how clean it is! I've lived 60 years without my tongue making acquaintance with your asshole, and I'm not about to introduce the two of them now!
St. Louis Street
Lebanon, Illinois
Overheard by: AlternknitiveKnitter
Categories: Ass | Body parts | Couples | Default | Gripes | Illinois | Licking | Old folks | Time Management | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Safer Here Where Everybody Hates Me
Girl on cell: Nooo... I'm not sure I should go to Florida. That could lead to sex.
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Geography | Girls | New York | On the phone | Sex | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Having Grandma Sit on Your Face
Hostess describing rose and black lady tea combo: Smells like rose, tastes like lady.
Beijing
China
Categories: China | Default | Food | Language barrier | Sensory experiences | Women | Words | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whatever, Ms. "I'm Allergic to Sex"
Girl to friend: So, you told him you were a nun and couldn't have friends? That's so mean!
Chic-Fil-A
Asheville, North Carolina
Overheard by: jaye
Categories: Default | Girls | Gripes | North Carolina | Religion | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If He Does Get Convicted, I Expect at Least a Bus Pass
Woman on cell: I know! I'm going to testify in court tomorrow for him so he doesn't go to jail for ten years. The least he can do is give me ride home!
Red line metro
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Mary
Categories: Crimes | Default | Gripes | On the phone | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Poof! Like an Astronaut Landing on Moondust.
Guy to pals: Did you ever put baby powder on your butt and then fart?
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: how are these people my friends?
Categories: Burping & farting | Default | Delaware | Guys | Questions | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Between Lute Lessons
Teacher, incredulously: You never read Harold and the Purple Crayon?!
Student: Well, sorry, I was reading Machiavelli.
Shout-out: overheardinhighschool.blogspot.com
Categories: Books | Comebacks | Default | Gripes | Overheard in High School | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where to Begin?
Husband to wife showing him Greek Bible: Honey, if English is good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me.
Barnes & Noble
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: aharon
Categories: Christianity | Couples | Default | Idiots | Language barrier | Ohio | Stores | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gonna Work a Little Child-Support-Reducing Magic
Little boy: Daddy, how are we going to get down?
Father: Parachutes.
Top of Space Needle
Seattle, Washington
What Else Does One Do with a Degree in Theology?
Guy: It's a pity there isn't a commercial nuclear submarine sector, or I would do that.
Oxford
UK
In the Continuous Porn That Runs in My Head, Anyway.
Big guy to much smaller friend: We're so tight we shower together in warm, soapy water.
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Default | Fat people | Feelings | Friends | Skinny people | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Surely Mrs. Clinton Has More to Say Than That
Guy: All I heard was, 'Blah, blah, blah, I'm a dirty tramp.'
Los Portales
Iowa City, Iowa
Overheard by: girl at next table
By Blocking Access to the Bathrooms
Vendor: Buy some water! I'll teach you how to dance!
Pitchfork Music Festival
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Seraphina
Categories: Blue collar | Default | Illinois | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Probably Should Just Finish Up the Bottle
Husband: Can I have one of my pills?
Wife: Didn't you just take two a little bit ago?
Husband: Just the two you told me I took.
Frankenmuth, Michigan
Categories: Comebacks | Couples | Default | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Actually, Can I Just Get a Hot Chocolate?
Customer: I'd like some tea... Organic mint, please.
Barista: Okay, we have organic lemon and organic Earl Grey.
Customer: Um... Actually, I wanted the organic mint.
Barista: Oh, we have that, too.
Customer: Okay, then. That's the one I'll have.
Design Coffee shop, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Categories: Baristas | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Customers | Default | Drinking & drunks | Offers and requests | Washington | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Than of Ever Tanning without Burning
Suit: Yeah, right, I've got a better chance of shaking hands with the Lord... And I'm a Jew.
Keene, New Hampshire
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | New Hampshire | Religion | Suits | Posted 2008-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
None of the Races Are Much of a Bargain
Asian girl: I hate being Asian!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Is That a Lip-Liner and EpiPen in One?
Hottie: Here ya go -- put this in your man-purse for me, please.
Indie boyfriend, indignantly: It's not a man-purse! It's a medical evac bag!
Hottie: Okay. You got any bandages or sterile alcohol in there?
Indie boyfriend: ... No.
Hottie: Yeah, right -- it's a man-purse. [Guy sullenly puts item in bag.]
Target, Saint Matthews
Louisville, Kentucky
Alternative Sculptors Can Be So Demanding
Girl #1: Who was that?
Girl #2, hanging up cell: My boyfriend.
Girl #1: What'd he want?
Girl #2: Tampons.
Tennessee
Overheard by: Jenni
Categories: Default | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Tennessee | Weirdness | Posted 2008-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Little Candy Chlamydia
Woman with two toddlers, ordering cake: I need a P-E-N-I-S cake...
Manager, walking in, gleefully oblivious: Ohhh, a penis cake! We can put fake hair on it. Last time, we had fake semen shooting out...
Huntington, California
NewsFlash: Telemarketer Abuse Becomes Olympic Sport
Telemarketer: Hi, is Mr. Sa-- Sama-- Samata--
Guy: Go ahead. You can do it.
Telemarketer: Sama-- Samthan-- Sermana--
Guy: You mean Mr. [says name]?
Telemarketer: Yes, is Mr. [repeats name] available?
Guy: Nope, sorry [hangs up phone].
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Overheard by: amused girlfriend
Especially If He Were Standing Next to Me with a Machete
Guy on phone: I don't vote for people who put their name in quotation marks on the ballot... Well, yeah, if it was 'Killer,' then I'd definitely vote for him.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Default | Eavesdrop DC | Gripes | Guys | Names | On the phone | Politics | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Answer Was Both Better and Worse Than They Anticipated
Coworker #1: I don't even know what on a penis you would even pierce.
Coworker #2: I don't, either. Let me text my brother-in-law and ask him. Maybe I can get him to send us a picture of his.
Eye clinic
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: also interested
It's All Fun and Games Until You Fall and Need Monkey Parts
Guy waiting in line for a ride: ... And then I got a hip transplant... from a baboon...
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Overheard by: Kimberly Disney
Categories: Animals | California | Default | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Posted 2008-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook