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March 2008 Archives
E-U-G-E-N-I-C-S
Loud woman: How do you spell 'taxi'?
1801 Alexander Bell Drive
Reston, Virginia
Throw Ball Bearings on the Floor and Say You Just Jerked Off
Seminary student: I always wanted to just write down a series of numbers and letters on the birth certificate, and then later tell my kid they were a robot. It'd be awesome because you'd have the real, original birth certificate to prove it -- to prove that they were a robot...
Princeton, New Jersey
Shout-out: pomomusings.com
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | New Jersey | Students | Stupidity | Weirdness | Posted 2008-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... With Our Settlement Money
Fancy girl #1: Oh my god, getting hit by a car is totally my favorite activity.
Fancy girl #2: Really? Mine is shopping.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Canadia | Compare and contrast | Default | Overheard at McGill | Stupidity | Violence | Posted 2008-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Stand Out from Your Husband's Other Wives
Mother: That dress is cheap -- cheap like the cigarette cartoons in my mother's freezer.
Daughter: It's prom. You're supposed to look cheap.
Salt Lake City, Utah
That's a BMW, You Little Freak.
Two-year-old, pointing at car: Mercedes!
Putt-Putt Mini Golf
Beverly Hills, California
Overheard by: McF
Categories: California | Default | Kids | Kids | Posted 2008-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Part of What It Means to Be an American
Dude: Is it strange that every time I hear opera, it makes me think of Looney Tunes?
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Rosie
I Mean, Tea, Biscuits and Stories about the Blitz...!
Teen boy #1: What? You love old ladies?
Teen boy #2: Like. Like.
Leeds
UK
Alphonse Was Sick That Day in Health Class
Middle-aged black man #1: She has a pretty face.
Middle-aged black man #2: I can't fuck a face!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Tad Allagash
Categories: Black people | Comebacks | Compliments | Default | Gripes | Guys | Illinois | Posted 2008-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dakota Works for Chris Hansen
Little girl singing in the aisle: Hide the wiener, hide the wiener!
Target
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stephanie
Who Knew Yuppie Teens Could Leave Us So Intrigued?
Yuppie teen girl #1: I'm sooo glad it didn't happen when those boys were looking at the restaurant!
Yuppie teen girl #2: Your face is totally like a target for their... like... stuff.
Hotel elevator
South Carolina
Overheard by: wtf are you talking about?
When Ward Was Out of Town, June Left Beaver with Wally and Went Barhopping
Guy: So, what do you do?
Woman: Well, I'm actually a homemaker.
Guy: ... Oh! So you're, like, in construction? That's cool.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: DRB
Doesn't Smoke, Never Misses a Curfew...
Well-dressed older lady: That's definitely one of the better diphthongs.
Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: California | Compliments | Default | Old folks | Women | Words | Posted 2008-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ms. Coulter Limits Herself to the Republican Party
Woman on cell in bathroom stall: Well, I told them she's only available for parties. She's not just gonna come over and take her clothes off for anybody!
Rehm Pool
Oak Park, Illinois
Overheard by: A Lifeguard
Categories: Default | Illinois | Jobs & Careers | On the phone | Women | Posted 2008-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You're Not in a Relationship Just because She Says So
Meathead to another: Dude, are you in a relationship? 'Cause if you're not in a relationship, you don't have to call her ever. Do you hear me? Ever!
Safeway
Ellensburg, Washington
Categories: Advice | Default | Jocks | Questions | Relationships | Stores | Washington | Posted 2008-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's the Fountain on the Right
Loud guy in restaurant: So, we were out shopping and there were all these women in burkas taking pictures of each other. How fucking pointless is that? It's not like they're going to look back afterwards and go, 'Oh, look, there's Doris by the fountain!'
England
A Penis Doesn't Care What You Think
Blonde: ... And then there was, like, this penis all up in my face, and I was like, 'But I thought you were a girl...'
Montclair State University
New Jersey
Overheard by: Anna
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Default | Gender issues | New Jersey | Penis | Sexuality | Posted 2008-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Stop Masturbating in the Shower -- You're Clogging the Drain.
Pilot to passengers: Welcome to Hawaii! I'm going to tell you all what my mom told me when I turned 18: get your bags and get out.
Direct flight from Seattle, Washington to Oakland, California
Categories: Airports & flights | California | Default | Geography | Memory lane | Offers and requests | Pilots | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes You Do Know What You're Missing
Little old lady to husband: I don't care how many times you've washed it or how clean it is! I've lived 60 years without my tongue making acquaintance with your asshole, and I'm not about to introduce the two of them now!
St. Louis Street
Lebanon, Illinois
Overheard by: AlternknitiveKnitter
Categories: Ass | Body parts | Couples | Default | Gripes | Illinois | Licking | Old folks | Time Management | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Safer Here Where Everybody Hates Me
Girl on cell: Nooo... I'm not sure I should go to Florida. That could lead to sex.
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Geography | Girls | New York | On the phone | Sex | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Having Grandma Sit on Your Face
Hostess describing rose and black lady tea combo: Smells like rose, tastes like lady.
Beijing
China
Categories: China | Default | Food | Language barrier | Sensory experiences | Women | Words | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whatever, Ms. "I'm Allergic to Sex"
Girl to friend: So, you told him you were a nun and couldn't have friends? That's so mean!
Chic-Fil-A
Asheville, North Carolina
Overheard by: jaye
Categories: Default | Girls | Gripes | North Carolina | Religion | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If He Does Get Convicted, I Expect at Least a Bus Pass
Woman on cell: I know! I'm going to testify in court tomorrow for him so he doesn't go to jail for ten years. The least he can do is give me ride home!
Red line metro
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Mary
Categories: Crimes | Default | Gripes | On the phone | Washington, DC | Women | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Poof! Like an Astronaut Landing on Moondust.
Guy to pals: Did you ever put baby powder on your butt and then fart?
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: how are these people my friends?
Categories: Burping & farting | Default | Delaware | Guys | Questions | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Between Lute Lessons
Teacher, incredulously: You never read Harold and the Purple Crayon?!
Student: Well, sorry, I was reading Machiavelli.
Shout-out: overheardinhighschool.blogspot.com
Categories: Books | Comebacks | Default | Gripes | Overheard in High School | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Where to Begin?
Husband to wife showing him Greek Bible: Honey, if English is good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me.
Barnes & Noble
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: aharon
Categories: Christianity | Couples | Default | Idiots | Language barrier | Ohio | Stores | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gonna Work a Little Child-Support-Reducing Magic
Little boy: Daddy, how are we going to get down?
Father: Parachutes.
Top of Space Needle
Seattle, Washington
What Else Does One Do with a Degree in Theology?
Guy: It's a pity there isn't a commercial nuclear submarine sector, or I would do that.
Oxford
UK
In the Continuous Porn That Runs in My Head, Anyway.
Big guy to much smaller friend: We're so tight we shower together in warm, soapy water.
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Default | Fat people | Feelings | Friends | Skinny people | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Surely Mrs. Clinton Has More to Say Than That
Guy: All I heard was, 'Blah, blah, blah, I'm a dirty tramp.'
Los Portales
Iowa City, Iowa
Overheard by: girl at next table
By Blocking Access to the Bathrooms
Vendor: Buy some water! I'll teach you how to dance!
Pitchfork Music Festival
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Seraphina
Categories: Blue collar | Default | Illinois | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Probably Should Just Finish Up the Bottle
Husband: Can I have one of my pills?
Wife: Didn't you just take two a little bit ago?
Husband: Just the two you told me I took.
Frankenmuth, Michigan
Categories: Comebacks | Couples | Default | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Actually, Can I Just Get a Hot Chocolate?
Customer: I'd like some tea... Organic mint, please.
Barista: Okay, we have organic lemon and organic Earl Grey.
Customer: Um... Actually, I wanted the organic mint.
Barista: Oh, we have that, too.
Customer: Okay, then. That's the one I'll have.
Design Coffee shop, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Just Me
Categories: Baristas | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Customers | Default | Drinking & drunks | Offers and requests | Washington | Posted 2008-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Than of Ever Tanning without Burning
Suit: Yeah, right, I've got a better chance of shaking hands with the Lord... And I'm a Jew.
Keene, New Hampshire
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | New Hampshire | Religion | Suits | Posted 2008-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
None of the Races Are Much of a Bargain
Asian girl: I hate being Asian!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Is That a Lip-Liner and EpiPen in One?
Hottie: Here ya go -- put this in your man-purse for me, please.
Indie boyfriend, indignantly: It's not a man-purse! It's a medical evac bag!
Hottie: Okay. You got any bandages or sterile alcohol in there?
Indie boyfriend: ... No.
Hottie: Yeah, right -- it's a man-purse. [Guy sullenly puts item in bag.]
Target, Saint Matthews
Louisville, Kentucky
Alternative Sculptors Can Be So Demanding
Girl #1: Who was that?
Girl #2, hanging up cell: My boyfriend.
Girl #1: What'd he want?
Girl #2: Tampons.
Tennessee
Overheard by: Jenni
Categories: Default | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Tennessee | Weirdness | Posted 2008-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Little Candy Chlamydia
Woman with two toddlers, ordering cake: I need a P-E-N-I-S cake...
Manager, walking in, gleefully oblivious: Ohhh, a penis cake! We can put fake hair on it. Last time, we had fake semen shooting out...
Huntington, California
NewsFlash: Telemarketer Abuse Becomes Olympic Sport
Telemarketer: Hi, is Mr. Sa-- Sama-- Samata--
Guy: Go ahead. You can do it.
Telemarketer: Sama-- Samthan-- Sermana--
Guy: You mean Mr. [says name]?
Telemarketer: Yes, is Mr. [repeats name] available?
Guy: Nope, sorry [hangs up phone].
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Overheard by: amused girlfriend
Especially If He Were Standing Next to Me with a Machete
Guy on phone: I don't vote for people who put their name in quotation marks on the ballot... Well, yeah, if it was 'Killer,' then I'd definitely vote for him.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Default | Eavesdrop DC | Gripes | Guys | Names | On the phone | Politics | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Answer Was Both Better and Worse Than They Anticipated
Coworker #1: I don't even know what on a penis you would even pierce.
Coworker #2: I don't, either. Let me text my brother-in-law and ask him. Maybe I can get him to send us a picture of his.
Eye clinic
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: also interested
It's All Fun and Games Until You Fall and Need Monkey Parts
Guy waiting in line for a ride: ... And then I got a hip transplant... from a baboon...
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Overheard by: Kimberly Disney
Categories: Animals | California | Default | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Posted 2008-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That Was the Extent of My "Birds and Bees" Talk
Mom holding two tomatoes stuck together: Look, tomato twins!
Daughter: Oh my god! I love them!
Mom: They look like balls! [Laughs] Boy balls! [Walks away].
Daughter: Oh my god.
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Kelsey
Here, Have Some Incense and Peppermints
Hippie guy: I suggest you stop picking up small animals and fruit skins. It's not good for you.
Eugene, Oregon
That's the Last Time I'll Have an Orgy with a Family of Klutzes
Large woman: Your dad kicked me in the head!
Scrawny boyfriend: What?
Large woman: And then you kicked me in the head!
Fredericton, New Brunswick
Canadia
Overheard by: Marg
Categories: Canadia | Default | Family ties | Fat people | Gripes | Skinny people | Violence | Posted 2008-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And She Washes and Folds My Spiderman Underwear
Dude: It's not that I live with my mom, it's that my mom is my roommate...
Salem, Oregon
Overheard by: Sarah
Racist? You Decide!
Daughter: It's like... I didn't see any Mexicans around for months, and then today, I've seen so many!
Father: Well, it got warm.
Cool Springs Mall
Franklin, Tennessee
Overheard by: Haha, what?
Not If You Swallow the Sperm Like a Good Girl
Girl: I heard cum was high in protein, but it's also high in calories.
Guy: Yes... It is also high in Vitamin D, iron, serotonin. Sadly, a woman's body can hardly produce an equally useful food supplement.
Girl: ... It produces babies!
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
At Least Stop Throwing the Panties.
Physics professor: Hey! Listen up! I'm tired of some of you walking out or ignoring me when we talk about the Big Bang Theory. I'm not telling you God doesn't exist, so don't get your panties in a bunch! You! Sit down! Let me finish!
Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
So Then He Stabbed Me
Chatty chick: ... And he called me a drunk! I mean, I am a drunk, but I'm a functional drunk. I told him everyone loves drunks but nobody loves a crackhead... I don't even care if I get a beer belly! Someone will still love me and rub my beer belly!
22 Fillmore bus
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: melissa
Categories: California | Compare and contrast | Default | Drugs | Drunks | Relationships | Posted 2008-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Is It Putting on a Dress and Heels?
Guy in crowd evacuated from theater due to fire alarm: This is all a marketing trick... Just watch -- any minute now one of those fire trucks is going to transform!
Transformers showing, AMC Theatre
Paramus, New Jersey
Overheard by: JoBell
Doreen Applies the Scientific Method
Dunkin' Donuts chick: All guys are jerks.
Customer: Aw, come on -- I'm a nice guy.
Dunkin' Donuts chick: Well, I haven't tried you yet.
Newark, New Jersey
Categories: Blue collar | Comebacks | Customers | Default | Gripes | New Jersey | Posted 2008-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Expect to Awaken Tomorrow Nauseated, Infected
Tipsy girl: You know what type of night it is? I'm wearing a leopard-print dress and leggings! It's that type of night!
Shout-out: www.overheardatlc.blogspot.com
If We Don't Bend Time, the Terrorists Win
Conductor: Welcome aboard to all the new passengers. The time is 9:11. Actually... Let's make that 9:12. That's better, isn't it?
Washington, DC
Categories: Conductors | Default | Time Management | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
New Jersey Tourists Are Easily Recognizable
Mother, about a TV: It's really heavy! It's as heavy as--
Four-year-old girl: --A dead body.
Bellingen
Australia
Categories: Australia | Compare and contrast | Default | Kids | Moms | Posted 2008-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's in My Sippy Cup Right Now
Second grade teacher: Okay, so if you are what you eat, what food would you be?
Student #1: Cake!
Student #2: Candy!
Student #3: Beer!
Second grade teacher: No, you can't choose that. It's illegal for you to drink beer.
Student #3: But I drink it all the time!
St. Catharine's
Ontario
Canadia
Like I Really Need to Have Better Litercism?
Tween boy #1, carrying skateboard: So, I got cleaning detail at school tomorrow.
Tween boy #2: That doesn't sound like something I'd want to do.
Tween boy #1: No, man, it's awesome! You get out of literacy class!
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Compliments | Default | Education | Tweens | Posted 2008-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Father Mike Continues His Downward Spiral
Satisfied customer: They had bacon I would drop-kick a nun for.
Maggie's
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Canadia | Compliments | Customers | Default | Food | Posted 2008-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Very Definition of a Fucking Christian
Stoned girl with drink in one hand and cigarette in the other: I'm a fucking Christian, so I know you're wrong!
Northern Ireland
It's My Major, You Know
Loud girl on oak lawn: So, where do the midgets come into it? I want my midget porn.
University of Western Australia
Australia
Overheard by: don't we all
Must Be Blowfish
NASA intern guy #1: I think your fish are gay... Like, 99 percent sure. Look, they've got vertical bars.
NASA intern guy #2: They so want each other.
NASA intern guy #1: They do. And it's not unrequited. Look, they both have vertical bars!
NASA Ames Research Center
Silicon Valley, California
Categories: Animals | California | Coworkers | Default | Sexuality | Posted 2008-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Doesn't Go Very Far In
Young fashionista #1: How do you stay so positive?
Young fashionista #2: Oh, you know, I just don't let the bad stuff in.
Young fashionista #1: What about Pedro?
São Paulo
Brazil
Overheard by: paparazzi
Categories: Brazil | Comebacks | Default | Hipsters | Office politics | Philosophy | Sex | Zombies | Posted 2008-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Fear Your Slovenly Appearance Is Affecting Cookie Sales
Girl scout to 20-ish woman: Did you even shave this week?
UCLA
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: J
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Posted 2008-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does That Ever Work on Black People?
Leathery hobo to passing students: One of you white-ass, livin'-inside motherfuckers owes me a dollar!
Austin, Texas
There's Nothing You Can Do to Rehabilitate Its Coolness
Hipster girl pointing at piece of art: So, do you want to get it?
Hipster guy: Nah, we'll get it somewhere else. I hate when people ask you, 'Where did you get that?' and you're like, 'Ikea...'
Ikea
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
"Action" Might Be Overstating It a Bit
Girl: Wait, I got some action from Alex* once when he was drunk... Does that make me a predator?
Guy: No, guys don't really mind being taken advantage of.
Girl: Well, because he did pass out on me...
Oak Park, Illinois
Overheard by: Erin
One Day He Will Write Lyrics for Christina Aguilera
Dad in locker room, to son: Jake, take your pants off.
Five-year-old son, singing: Take your pants off, do the ducky-ducky.
Dad: Jake!
Five-year-old son: Take your pants off, do the something-something.
Newport Athletic Club
Middletown, Rhode Island
Guy: Mind! I Said I Wouldn't Mind!
Drunk girl on cell: What? ... I'm so drunk I can't even hear... I want to do naughty things to you... So, you're saying if I were to lick and suck you, you wouldn't care?
Fiddler's Green
Winter Park, Florida
Overheard by: grossed out because she's not even cute
Categories: BJs | Default | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Florida | Girls | On the phone | Sex | Posted 2008-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Funny 'til Somebody Loses an Aircraft
Pilot to passengers: If you kids don't calm down right now and stop throwing those damn pillows, I will turn this plane around and I will take you back to Mexico!
1999 flight from Cancun to San Francisco, California
Overheard by: the end of senior trip
Categories: California | Default | Geography | Pilots | Threats | Posted 2008-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That One Didn't Measure Up to My Standards
Chick #1: Ewww!
Chick #2: It wasn't me! I take responsibility for all of my actions, including farts.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: martin
Categories: Airports & flights | Burping & farting | Default | Girls | Gripes | Oregon | Posted 2008-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But We're Totally in the Clear with Wikipedia, Right?
Dude: You know, less than half of Snapple facts are true.
Chick: Really? Because I totally cited those in research papers.
College Park, Maryland
The Turkey Exploded Through the Neighbor's Window Like a Mortar Round
20-ish girl, reminiscing: Yeah, one year we deep-fried a turkey... But then the driveway caught on fire.
Friend, laughing: What?! How?!
20-ish girl, distressed: I don't want to talk about it right now.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Celessa Dietzel
Wait'll She Finds Out God's Asian
Professor: We have to accept the fact that there are still individuals in this country who are horribly racist, who have a completely backwards system of beliefs... Now, I call that person 'Nana,' but that's neither here nor there.
University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Family ties | Massachusetts | Politics | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Richard Simmons
Bimbette #1: Wait, is a bird a mammal? I don't think it's a mammal...
Bimbette #2: I think a bird is, like, its own species.
B train
Boston, Massachusetts
Hey, I Told Her Not to Touch the Stream!
Little girl running back from bathroom with her father: Mommy, I got pee on my finger!
Perkins restaurant
Erie, Pennsylvania
Categories: Default | Girls | Gripes | Kids | Kids | Pee | Pennsylvania | Restaurants | Posted 2008-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Feared I Might Inadvertently Become a Lesbian
Girl #1: I know for a fact this year is going to be way better than last year.
Girl #2: Why's that?
Girl #1: Because this year I actually have designer clothes. Last year I didn?t have any, and I was so unhappy!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Canadia | Clothing | Compliments | Default | Girls | Idiots | Overheard at McGill | Students | Posted 2008-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Yell "Let's Go, Yankees" Instead
Conductor: The worst thing that you can do in an emergency is to pull the emergency cord. Never pull the emergency cord if it is an emergency!
Boston subway
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: daily commuter
Categories: Advice | Conductors | Default | Massachusetts | Public Transportation | Posted 2008-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
His G-String with the Elephant Head on It Was a Bit of a Shock, Though
Summer fun Barbie #1: I mean, like, I wasn't even surprised that you went home with him!
Summer fun Barbie #2: Do you mean that I had sex with him?
Summer fun Barbie #1: Yeah.
Summer fun Barbie #2: Yeah, me neither.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: also not surprised
I Felt Awash in a Sea of Lower-Back Tattoos
Teen boy: Disneyland is the MILF capital of the world!
Vacaville, California
Categories: California | Compliments | Default | Geography | Guys | Sex | Teens | Posted 2008-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Them, Your Aquarium Is Just a Raw Bar
Guy at computer: It's this whole thing with the penguins, man...
Friend: Yeah, I know. It'll work itself out, though.
Monash University
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Timothy
Seriously, Curling Is the Most Retarded Sport Ever
Brunette #1, breaking silence: I hate brooms.
Brunette #2: Me, too.
Rest of group: ... What?!
Cactus Club, Yaletown
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
Categories: Bimbettes | Canadia | Default | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Posted 2008-03-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Along with One of His Feet
Mother at market stall: But he's only got one good pair of shoes, and the police have taken them as evidence...
Guildford
Surrey
UK
Overheard by: Ike
But Smokers and Belchers Rise Straight to the Top
Grandpa to grandson: ... And no one but nobody can be a young leader if they crack their knuckles!
Washington, DC
Categories: Advice | Default | Family | Health & Hygiene | Lies | Old folks | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Could've Been Ugly If She Hadn't Been Lactating, Though
Guy at dinner: Yeah, we figured we'd just have a low key night with just a few beers and some margaritas, but then Ann* was like, 'Wow, I haven't had any liquor in two months!' so the next thing you know, we're dropping 60 bucks at the liquor store, then the backyard porch swing's on fire... It was a pretty fun night.
Arlington, Virginia
Categories: Compliments | Default | Drinking & drunks | Guys | Virginia | Weirdness | Posted 2008-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Cards Forgotten, She Now Licks Herself Like a Cat
Girl: So, my roommate's mom still lets her use her credit card, which is crazy! I mean, we're like 24, and I've had my own credit card since forever... But anyways, I guess my roommate had a huge bill last month, and her mom got all upset and called her and said, 'Maybe you should soak the credit cards and put them in the freezer, so when you get the impulse to use them they'll be frozen.' So now we have, like, three credit cards in a tub in our freezer.
Brown Line El
Chicago, Illinois
Good Thing "Shut Up, You Cow" Is Easy to Convey with Body Language
Large white lady to small Mexican husband: I'm bleeding. [Pokes hubby, who ignores her.] Heyyy, I'm bleeding from my neck! Don't you care?! [Hubby puts headphones on and looks out window.] I wish I knew you didn't speak English before I married you!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: corwin
Categories: Airports & flights | Assholes | Default | Fat people | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Language barrier | Oregon | Overheard in PDX | Women | Posted 2008-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, That's a Given
HS boy #1: I love cheesecake in my mouth.
HS boy #2: You love dick in your mouth!!
HS boy #1: Well, yeah, if it has cheesecake on it!
Christiansburg, Virginia
Unless Jesus Got Jealous
Girl: You know, Santa and Superman would make an adorable gay couple.
Hume-Fogg High School
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Default | Gender issues | Girls | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Sexuality | Tennessee | Weirdness | Wishes | Posted 2008-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Rosa Parks Was Calling Out, "C'mon Back!"
Woman on cell: Bitch, I'm on the train. No, I ain't ridin' the bus! Have you seen the buses in this city?! Girl I wouldn't get on the bus if fucking Harriet Tubman herself was waving a damn flashlight telling me, 'All clear'!
On the Red Line
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Gripes | Illinois | On the phone | Public Transportation | Women | Posted 2008-03-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Embrace Your Degradation
Ticket collector: The bus is now here. Anyone going to Camden, Malden, or Newark, please step forward.
Custodian: Come on, step forward. You don't gotta be embarrassed if you're going to Newark.
Greyhound Station
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Advice | Blue collar | Default | Pennsylvania | Public Transportation | Public transportation | Posted 2008-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Fairly Aquiver with Anticipation
BBW: You wouldn't want to see me in pretzel-formation.
Skinny man: How would you know?
BBW: I mean it. You really wouldn't want to see me in pretzel-formation. It's not very pretty to watch. It gets stuck easily that way.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Melissa
Categories: Advice | Default | Fat people | Georgia | Gripes | Skinny people | Posted 2008-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Old Breadsticks Will Also Do in a Pinch
Guy: You gotta watch out for the Italian Air Force, dude. They've got, like, hang-gliders, and guys who throw rocks.
University of Maryland, College Park
Maryland
Overheard by: Sara
So Basically All Your Problems Are in Your Head?
Girl on cell: My life totally sucks right now. I went to an intellectual conference and people were saying smart things and I was asking myself, 'Why can?t I say things like that?!' And I?ve forgotten all essay-writing skills I learned in high school! Ugh, I am, like, totally ESL right now. Like, what am I doing with my life?! I'm not getting into law school, I'm not going to get a position at the UN... Ugh! I might as well get married to a rich Arabian prince!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Gripes | Overheard at McGill | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Look at David Hasselhoff.
Cute redhead: I don't think I could air my laundry in an art show. It seems terribly narcissistic.
Short male companion: A little narcissism never hurt anybody!
Cute redhead: Um, it hurt Narcissus.
London
England
And Enough Working Fingers to Run It?
Chick to group preparing to light vodka on fire: How many times has setting alcohol on fire gone horribly wrong for us?
Guy: You're right. That said, who has a camera?
Carleton University
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Girls | Guys | Questions | Students | Posted 2008-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guess Which One's the "Naughty Librarian"
Library worker #1: Do I have to lick it?
Library worker #2: ... What?
Library worker #1: The envelope. Do I have to lick it?
Library worker #2: You could tape it, I guess...
Library worker #1: Great, because after last night, I am totally out of saliva.
Main Library, Kent State University
Kent, Ohio
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Coworkers | Default | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Ohio | Questions | Posted 2008-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to This Good Housekeeping Checklist
Dejected neighbor: Yeah, I know. I'm more suited to kill werewolves than produce orgasms.
Derby, Connecticut
Overheard by: j
Categories: Compare and contrast | Connecticut | Default | Guys | Orgasm | Stupidity | Violence | Posted 2008-03-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Called Him Jonah
Crackhead lady: I was raised on McDonald's hamburgers until one day I puked up a fish!
McDonald's
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
Categories: Age and ageing | Canadia | Crazies | Default | Druggies | Food | Health & Hygiene | Posted 2008-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Want... to Be You
Guy #1: Oh my god! You look good! You've never looked so good!
Girl: Um... I don't know how to take that.
Guy #1: I just mean that you look so much better than I've ever seen.
Girl: You're making this worse.
Guy #1: Don't worry. I'm not hitting on you.
Guy #2: Stop talking, dude.
Beromünster
Switzerland
Nothing in Those Categories Would Be a Blockbuster
Dude: I don't like watching anything set from the olden days. You know, like Bridget Jones' Diary... Or anything British.
Blockbuster
California
Overheard by: Define olden days
Okay, Now Tell Me How You Know That
Male fashionista: Deepness is just a less shallow superficiality.
São Paulo
Brazil
Overheard by: paparazzi
Categories: Brazil | Default | Guys | Philosophy | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Four-Eyed Men Are Illegal in Oklahoma
Little girl: I'll tell you what my daddy looks like. He has eyeglasses and he's a woman.
Car dealer
Midwest City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Reiza
But at Least She Throws It Up
Queer on cell: Stop it. She's too chicken to be anorexic. It's like, she'll starve herself for two days, then eat a huge cookie.
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Default | Food | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | On the phone | Queers | Posted 2008-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ho Couture
Subway musician to friend: That's great! Now if only there was a cum-stained dress!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Terry B
Categories: Compliments | Default | Friends | Illinois | Words | Posted 2008-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless She's Natalie Portman
Geek: A pity hug is still a hug, and a pity girlfriend still has boobs!
University of Idaho
Idaho
Overheard by: Rebecca
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Feelings | Idaho | Rack | Relationships | Posted 2008-03-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So If You See Me Twitch, Clutch, or Froth, Lend a Hand, Okay?
Flight attendant to another: I don't mean to alarm you, but last night I went into cardiac arrest.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Default | Flight attendants | Health & Hygiene | Minnesota | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2008-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Is All the Government Has Allowed Me to Tell You
Health teacher to class: When you become more adult-like, you start to be more like an adult.
Roanoke, Virginia
Just the Decorative Scarring, Then?
Hoochie: I would never get my clit pierced there.
O'Bannon's Bar
College Station, Texas
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Hoochies | Texas | Vagina | Posted 2008-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From Now On, I'm Smoking with the Other End
Korean queer, smoking: I heard oral sex gives you more throat cancer than cigarettes.
Dida's Bar
Sao Paulo
Brazil
Categories: BJs | Bars & Clubs | Brazil | Compare and contrast | Default | Maladies | Queers | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Then Put It Back, Unused
Teen girl #1: Lemur? What the hell's a lemur?
Teen girl #2: Lemur is French for 'light.' You know, like the candlestick on Beauty and the Beast -- lemur.
Teen girl #1: You're so smart. How do you know this shit?
Teen girl #2: I took two years of French.
Lemur Exhibit, Denver Zoo
Denver, Colorado
Couldn't We Just Discriminate Against People Wearing Explosive Clothing?
Bimbette: Well, discriminating against the Muslims is different than against, like, the Russians for Hitler and everything.
Archbishop Spalding High School
Severn, Maryland
Overheard by: Wait, is she kidding?
Categories: Bimbettes | Compare and contrast | Default | Geography | History | Maryland | Politics | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Posted 2008-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's What You Said About Spiral Notebooks!
Young girl, spraying perfume: These smell yucky. Who actually buys these, Mom?
Mom: Put those down. Those are for prostitutes.
Macy's
St. Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: ChasingDori
Do They Count If You Have to Blow Them Up?
Music history professor: Darwin says that the sole purpose for living things is to survive and procreate. What about us, as musicians? Do we need music to survive and procreate? Well, some people believe that music was created as a sort of mating call. Compare the reproductive life of Jimi Hendrix to the reproductive life of... well, me.
Class: Um...
Music history professor: Well, clearly I win hands-down because of all my groupies.
1 East Mount Vernon Place
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: stravinsky
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Maryland | Music | Science | Sex | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-03-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Might As Well Have Said, "He Has a 5-Inch Penis and a Job at Foot Locker"
Girl #1: I think he's a nice guy.
Girl #2: Nice is the ultimate mediocrity.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: girl in scrubs
Categories: Comebacks | Compliments | Default | Girls | Minnesota | Overheard in Minneapolis | Words | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Decomposing Nicely in the Tool Shed
Creepster in poncho: I like your hair.
Hot chick: Oh, thanks.
Creepster in poncho: It smells like my grandma.
Bus stop
Gainesville, Florida
Categories: Bus | Compare and contrast | Creepsters | Default | Florida | Girls | Sensory experiences | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Only Meant You'll Spread Your Legs for Every Cock That Comes Your Way
Girl on phone: No, I'm sure she didn't mean that... No, really, you must have taken it wrong... No! Trust me, I'm sure when she called you a whore she didn't mean it that way!
Grand Valley State University
Allendale, Michigan
Overheard by: breakin-laker
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Insults | Lies | Michigan | On the phone | Words | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Not from Their Government
Man: At least Canadian homosexuals take it up the ass.
Bar
New Jersey
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Default | Geography | Gripes | Guys | New Jersey | Sexuality | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And If I Collect Two More Dental-Dams, I Win a Stuffed Bear
Dude to friend: Don't worry -- I have plenty of meals left to buy condoms.
Cafeteria, University of Michigan
Michigan
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Friends | Guys | Michigan | Time Management | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How the Colonials Felt about John Hancock
Queer en route to Obama rally: Oh my god, he's so cute. Do you think he'll sign my ass for me?
Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Rachel Jane
Categories: Beauty | Colleges & Universities | Compliments | Default | Idiots | Ohio | Queers | Questions | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guppy-Smuggling Is a Lost Art
Professor: You take some guppies from different populations in Trinidad, put them into little plastic bags, shove them down your pants, and smuggle them through the airport back to the lab in California. At least, that?s what we did.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Animals | Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Crimes | Default | Education | Overheard at UMBC | Teachers | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Since It's Just a Photo of Me Giving the Finger
Professor, about PowerPoint: You guys don't have this slide in your notes... Hahaha!
UC Davis Vet School
California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Default | Education | Feelings | Teachers | Posted 2008-03-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like We Do at Funerals
Guy: Hey, the Pussycat Dolls are coming to Montreal!
Girl: Cool.
Guy: Wanna go?
Girl: Yeah! We can sit in the front row and masturbate!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Guys | Masturbation | Music | Offers and requests | Overheard at McGill | TV shows | Posted 2008-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I Never Get to Use Them
Hoochie: I do have good morals, I'm just really drunk all the time.
Washington and Lee University
Lexington, Virginia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Gripes | Hoochies | Sex | Virginia | Posted 2008-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As I Told Your Father When I Proposed to Him
Mom to running, laughing child: Stop running! You can have fun when we get home.
Wal-Mart
Bowling Green, Kentucky
Overheard by: shannon
Oooh -- And Graphic Intolerance!
Mom: No, that's not an appropriate video, either.
14-year-old son: What about this one? It's Christian. It only has violence in it!
Blockbuster
Liberty, Missouri
Overheard by: blockbuster lurker
Doesn't Seem Like Much of a Stretch for Either of Us
Preppy guy: You're such a bitch, Alexandra.
Alexandra: Thanks?
Preppy guy: No, in a good way.
Alexandra: How can you be a bitch in a good way?
Preppy guy: You're the kind of bitch that makes me wish I was gay so we could sit at an outside cafe and make fun of people's outfits when they walk by.
Starbucks, Newbury Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: i want to, too!
Humping Cats Just Scream Curb Appeal
Guy riding in car with real estate agent: I think we're looking for something-- Dude those cats were humping!
Agent, to driver: Go back, go back!
Bedford, Texas
Overheard by: Tswerve
Just When Race Relations Were Improving in Boston
White tourist: I'm really sorry -- I don't have any change. If I did, I'd give you some, but I don't, so... sorry. Good luck with everything...
Black dude: Cracka, I'm ain't homeless!
Hynes Convention Center subway stop
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Black people | Comebacks | Default | Feelings | Massachusetts | Public transportation | Tourists | Whiteys | Posted 2008-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You Students Are Unwilling to Spread the Word around Campus?
Professor: Even my own mother tells people I'm a drug dealer.
Shout-out: www.overheardatumbc.com
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | Jobs & Careers | Lies | Overheard at UMBC | Teachers | Posted 2008-03-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Call Her to Extinguish Volcanic Eruptions
Woman screaming into phone: You need to chill the fuck out!
San Francisco, California
Categories: Advice | California | Default | Feelings | Women | Posted 2008-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Our Backyard Squirrels Just Don't Hold the Allure They Once Did
60-ish lady: If it weren't for Dancing with the Stars, I don't know what we'd be watching!
Whole Foods
Ridgewood, New Jersey
Categories: Compliments | Default | New Jersey | Old folks | Stores | TV shows | Women | Posted 2008-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Money's on the Democrats
Middle-aged student: ... But technically, can a woman get pregnant by two different men?
Biology professor: Depends on what party she went to.
York, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jessica
Every Country Has Its Own Rules for Greeting Royalty
Guy on cell at register: I know! I know! So listen -- when you first meet him, go up to him, bow, whip your own chopsticks, and tell him you would like to procreate with him.
Dick's Sporting Goods
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: Cashier who needed the laugh
What's Next -- Shopping at Hot Topic?
Blonde to another: I can't believe you're not tanning today! You disgust me!
California Polytechnic University
Pomona, California
Overheard by: Quiet Student
Categories: Bimbettes | Body parts | California | Colleges & Universities | Default | Gripes | Posted 2008-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
California's Full of 'em
Guy shouting out dorm window: We've got dicks! Yeahhh! Woo-hoo!
University of California, Davis
California
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Default | Feelings | Guys | Penis | Students | Posted 2008-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All I Said Was, "Stop Doing It in My Class"
Girl: Are you seriously telling me how I should masturbate? When did you become a sex tyrant?
MIT
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Gripes | Massachusetts | Masturbation | Questions | Posted 2008-03-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Strategy I Didn't Quite Think Through
20-ish chick: I can't believe I faked a pregnancy just to get back at a guy! I'm so psycho!
Friend with baby: Pshhh, that's nothing -- I actually got pregnant!
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Whatever. Starving Children in Nigeria Don't Even Have Earlobes.
Bartender: Geez, Hank, you're looking great these days. Been working out?
Chubby Jewish guy: Yeah. I tell ya, I've been trying to lose the spare tire, but I lost it all in my earlobes instead. It's a cruel world.
Suami's India Garden Resturant
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Jeebus McGee
Categories: Bartenders | Body parts | Default | Diet & weight | Fat people | Gripes | Jews | Ohio | Restaurants | Posted 2008-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least Now Jimmy Hoffa Can Have a Decent Burial
Black woman on cell: I'm telling ya, they took everything out of my breasts. Every fucking thing's gone.
Outside Fogg Art Museum
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Don't want to know what.
Categories: Black people | Default | Health & Hygiene | Massachusetts | On the phone | Rack | Women | Posted 2008-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At the Sexual Deviants' Auction
Ballet girl: Do you know how much our feet are worth?!
West Leederville Train Station
Perth
Western Australia
Overheard by: Rose
According to What Not to Wear
Chick: Yeah, no one has syphilis anymore. Everyone has chlamydia now.
Duke University
Durham, North Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | North Carolina | STDs | Posted 2008-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
NewsFlash: Gender Confusion More of an Issue in Kansas Than Poor Grammar
Little girl, about sleeping baby sister: Him is sleeping? Him is sleeping?!
Mom, exasperated: No! Her is sleeping!
Kansas
Good Luck Explaining That to Non-Native Speakers
American college guy to friends: My mom told me I was pussy-whipped.
Brussels National Airport
Belgium
Overheard by: aja
Categories: Airports & flights | Belgium | Default | Family ties | Guys | Stupidity | Yeahhh, college! | Posted 2008-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If I Don't Keep at It, I'll Never Graduate to Snarling
Hobo #1, after growling at passenger: I had to growl at someone.
Hobo #2: Yup.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Default | Feelings | Hobos | Violence | Washington | Posted 2008-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Sinister Truth behind "Frère Jacques"
Girl on cell: I don't care how many times you fuck him. He's your brother, and it's still wrong!
University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Default | Family ties | Girls | Gripes | Massachusetts | On the phone | Sex | Posted 2008-03-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... And He'd Crawl into Bed with You?
Chick: So... You know when you were little and you used to leave beer and cookies for Santa?
Palo Alto High School
Palo Alto, California
Overheard by: the governor
Categories: California | Default | Food | Girls | Memory lane | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Twenty-Year-Old White Guys: That Hurts. Let's Have Sex!
30-something black woman #1: The eye is superficial.
30-something black woman #2: Yeah, like 20-year-old white guys.
Community College
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Madison
Categories: Black people | Body parts | Compare and contrast | Default | Ohio | Race | Women | Posted 2008-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Probably Not Doing My Part
Thug #1: Man, it's so hard to be in a relationship these days.
Thug #2: Yeah, my relationships die faster than those goldfish you win at a carnival.
Columbus, Ohio
Categories: Compare and contrast | Default | Gripes | Ohio | Relationships | Thugs | Posted 2008-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Any Louder Than Sex in a Prom Dress, Though
Chipper girl: I tell the sex workers that they can wear the female condom before going out. You can wear it for, like, three hours. They are kind of loud, though -- they crinkle! Sex is awkward, anyway.
Women's health class, American University
Washington, DC
Overheard by: aimc
Categories: Advice | Colleges & Universities | Default | Girls | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Sex | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And If Chris Hansen Shows Up, Don't Let Him In
Angry woman on cell: I told you -- we have Bible study in a half-hour! Get your clothes on and get off of the computer!
Locust Street
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Eavesdropper
Categories: Assholes | Christianity | Default | Education | Offers and requests | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Women | Posted 2008-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gonna Be a Long Semester
Linguistics professor, after girl asks question: Well, the short answer would be 'Yes,' and by 'yes' I mean 'no.'
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Overheard at McGill | Stupidity | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Plus, That's Chicken
20-something guy, about his sushi: This takes me back to when I used to live in Japan.
Brunette: When did you ever live there?
20-something guy: No, I mean in my past life.
Brunette: What makes you think you were Japanese?
20-something guy: Because ever since I was little I have always loved seafood.
Brunette: ... Maybe you were a fish.
20-something guy: Not cool.
Sushi restaurant
Worcester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Wallflower
Categories: Animals | Comebacks | Default | Food | Geography | Girls | Guys | Massachusetts | Memory lane | Restaurants | Posted 2008-03-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
'Cause, Hey, They Earned It
Professor: Usually people ride donkeys to the top of the mountain because it's really steep. Afterwards, you can go down on the donkeys, too, if you'd like.
Oglethorpe University
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Caylin
... Before the Whores
Mother to young son in shopping cart: Do you wanna leave?! Do you wanna leave?! How many times do I have to tell you? Don't lick the cart!
Easton, Massachusetts
Dear Diary, The Refined Chitchat Is Still Not Working
Man: Hey, what are you girls doing?
Woman #1, uninterested: Cigarette break.
Man: So, what are you girls up to?
Woman #2: Cigarette break.
Man: So, you girls interested in a threesome?
Central Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Default | Guys | Jobs & Careers | Massachusetts | Smoking | Time Management | Women | Words | Posted 2008-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Also an 87-Year-Old Asian Man.
Girl #1: Hey, I know you! Isn't your name 'Laura'?
Girl #2: No, not even close, actually.
Girl #1: Yes, it is. Your name is Laura.
Girl #2: No, it really isn't.
Girl #1: Well, it is now.
Friendly's
South Carolina
Categories: Default | Girls | Names | Questions | South Carolina | Posted 2008-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Are You?
Guy to girl: What? Your tummy hurts? Let's make out!
Auburn, Alabama
Categories: Couples | Default | Foreplay | Maladies | Offers and requests | Posted 2008-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aaron's Messy Handwriting Has Resulted in Many Botched Orders
Waiter: ... Chicken nachos all on her butt cheeks!
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Nic
Categories: Ass | Blue collar | Default | Food | Gripes | Restaurants | Virginia | Posted 2008-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From the Mister Rogers' Neighborhood Cutting-Room Floor
Male neighbor: Hey, how ya doin'?
Female visitor: Not so good.
Male neighbor: What's wrong? Girl problems? Something with your hoochie-koochie?
Lake Tapps, Washington
Overheard by: baker98391
Categories: Default | Girls | Gripes | Guys | Questions | Relationships | Washington | Words | Posted 2008-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Can Do That, What's Your Incentive to Leave the House?
Chick: No, Spencer, you don't have to lick your penis to let everyone know that you're here!
Cleveland Heights, Ohio
Overheard by: Drunk guy in apartment hallway
But the Question Was "When Was the Battle of Hastings?"
Guy: ... Because the pope touches himself. That's my answer for the first question. That's my answer to any question, really.
History class
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Overheard by: Kaiti
Categories: Canadia | Christianity | Default | Guys | Masturbation | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Posted 2008-03-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No, Funny Like When I Gave Them to Your Boyfriend and He Gave Them to You
Girl on cell: ... Funny like when you got crabs?
Frisco, Texas
Overheard by: Abs
The True Test of Whether You Should Be Wearing Skinny Jeans
Hipster girl: Ugh, I had, like, the worst day yesterday. I was skipping on the quad, and I ripped my skinny jeans.
Vassar College
Poughkeepsie, New York
I'll Do the Gentlemanly Thing and Be a Dick to Her 'til She Gets the Hint
Guy #1: So, she said she didn't want to be just another girl I sleep with.
Guy #2: But that's what you want.
Guy #1: Well, yeah, but I can't say that.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Canadia | Default | Guys | Liars | Lies | Overheard in Vancouver | Relationships | Sex | Posted 2008-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And If It Involves Glitter and Castor Oil, That's His Business
Tween boy to another: You seem very gay to me.
Woman with them: That's not very nice!
Tween boy: What? All I mean is he has a really busy social life.
Moon River Diner
Shanghai
China
Overheard by: MF in China
Cue the Commodores
Girl to friend: I can't believe I fell asleep next to your vagina. I woke up and my face was next to your brick wall. [Kisses friend.] I love your brick wall.
Caribou Coffee
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Bardley
America, Encapsulated.
Sorority chick #1: Hey, you know there's Bible study in my room at eight tonight?
Sorority chick #2: Hmmm, eight? Okay, I guess I can come.
Sorority chick #1: And then we can go get wasted!
Ladies' locker room, University of Tennessee
Knoxville, Tennessee
Overheard by: New Yorker
Categories: Christianity | Colleges & Universities | Default | Drinking & drunks | Offers and requests | Sorority types | Tennessee | Posted 2008-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Toilet-Swirl Isn't the Only Thing That's Backwards in New Zealand
Dude: I wish all guys had boobs.
Girl: What?!
Dude: It's so much more appropriate to grope a guy than a girl!
New Zealand
Overheard by: Schmitty
How'd Professor Walsh Even Get My Number?
Blonde: So, he calls me drunk at two o'clock in the morning and tells me our relationship has barnacles.
Brunette: What?!
Blonde: He compared our relationship to ship that has barnacles on it!
Brunette: Um...
Blonde: So now I'm like, 'Should I read into this?'
Psych building, Washington University
St. Louis, Missouri
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Compare and contrast | Default | Missouri | Relationships | Students | Posted 2008-03-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Bought Her at the Adult Store
Man on cell: I don't feel I owe you anything! ... But I didn't even use your service. I found a girlfriend on my own!
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Steve E
Categories: Canadia | Default | Gripes | Guys | Jobs & Careers | On the phone | Relationships | Posted 2008-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Roger Often Wonders If He Made the Right Choice Going Straight
Preggers snapping at hubby: He said they don't have it! That means they don't have it!
Husband, pushing cart with two-year-old in seat: Get over yourself, babe. We'll be in the car.
Two-year-old: Mama!
Husband, under his breath: Your mom better hurry up and have that kid, dude.
Fred Meyer
Issaquah, Washington
Overheard by: Bryan
... In Case You're Wondering Why Your Chairs Have Seat-Belts
Professor: I have a low threshold for body movement!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Default | Gripes | Health & Hygiene | Overheard at McGill | Teachers | Posted 2008-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I've Gone to Quite a Few Tastings
Dude: Eggs are just chicken menstruation.
Tired guy: Best menstruation I've ever had!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by: douglas
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Comebacks | Default | Food | Guys | Health & Hygiene | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2008-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Crazy Canadians Just Become U.S. Citizens?
Hipster chick: Did I ever tell you about my childhood Princess Leia obsession?
Hipster dude: No, you never told me about a Princess Leia thing. Oh, wait, maybe you did. Did it involve pastries on your head to simulate hair buns?
Hipster chick: No, that must have been another girlfriend.
Hipster dude: No! Or maybe the pastry buns was me. I repress so many memories.
Hipster chick: Probably smart.
Hipster dude: It's working okay so far.
Hipster chick: Yeah. You barely need therapy.
15th Avenue SW
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Compliments | Couples | Default | Hipsters | Memory lane | TV shows | Posted 2008-03-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Anyone Who's Seen Se7en?
Student: Who doesn't want to blow up a fat man before they die?
Ethics class, Oregon State University
Corvallis, Oregon
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Death & dying |