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January 2008 Archives
Little Oedipus Never Got Used to It
Mother quickly pulling young child along: You'll just have to get used to having a hot mom, okay?
Great American Ballpark
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Joey-Poey
Categories: Family ties | Moms | Ohio | Posted 2008-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And He Accepts Loose Change Via PayPal
Chick: That guy's not a real bum -- he has a laptop!
Brown Line
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Whitney Wrobel
Sean Preston Finally Snaps
Young boy to mother: Mo-ooom! Enough with the madness!
Zankou Chicken
Burbank, California
Categories: California | Kids | Kids | Posted 2008-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And All Those Pills for Breakfast
Guy: I need some food.
Girl: You just had a cigarette!
Purdue University
West Lafayette, Indiana
It Does Involve Balls
Dude: Is putting my hand on my balls a sport? Could be.
Subway
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Shaniqua
A Spot-On Description of Ann Coulter
Girl: She's like a horny guy, only not horny and not a guy.
Cupertino High School
Cupertino, California
Categories: California | Chicks | Gossip | Stupidity | Posted 2008-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nor Breed Outside of Our Immediate Gene Pools
Cheerful guard examining passport photo: What, no smile?
Dour Canadian: No. In Canada we do not have to smile.
O'Hare International Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Rose Fox
I'm Not Crazy
College guy: So, are you still a maybe-lesbian?
College girl, shrugging: I like penis much better. Chicks are crazy, but if one licks me, I'm not gonna complain if they're hot.
University of Kentucky
Lexington, Kentucky
Otherwise Known As 9 PM on a Typical Wednesday
Drunk guy to friends: Do you know what time it is? It's dick-slapping time!
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Kari
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Michigan | Penis | Time Management | Posted 2008-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is It on YouTube?
Dude: So, this Oh-di-pus guy killed his dad and married his mom.
Girl: Gross... So, did they do it?
Dude: Oh, yeah.
Girl: Cool.
University of Saskatchewan
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Canadia
Overheard by: headshakingprof
More Organized Than "We," Grammar Slob
Little boy: Mommy, why do they have Halloween candy out already?
Mother: That's for people who are more organized than us.
Rochester, Minnesota
With a Boyfriend, I'll Go Through Less Peanutbutter
Vet student #1: I need to see about some place that allows animals next year. I really miss my cats.
Vet student #2: Yeah, I thought about that. I guess it all just depends. I mean, if I can get a boyfriend, I might not even need a dog.
overheardinathens.com
Categories: Animals | Europe | Overheard in Athens | Relationships | Students | Posted 2008-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dad: You Know, Honey, He's Got a Point
Four-year-old to mom: Mom, you should get a new husband -- one that will do more stuff with us. And Daddy can get a new wife -- a skinny wife.
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Advice | Florida | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Estimate the Rise in the Dog and Cat Population to Be Seven Million and One, Bob
Guy, about Bob Barker: The show just won't be the same without him. And the pet population is going to explode!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: the truth hurts
Categories: Gripes | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2008-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
O-M-G
Dude #1: Have you ever seen the movie Airplane!?
Dude #2: L-O-L, Yeah.
Dude #1: You know that one part-- Wait... Did you just say 'L-O-L'?
Dude #2: Yeah... It slipped.
Carousel Mall
Syracuse, New York
Before You Laugh, Can You Answer This Question?
History teacher, reading from worksheet: 'The Constitution places restrictions on the powers of the states. Name one.'
Student: Maryland?
Cresson, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
Categories: Pennsylvania | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2008-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Can't Bite Me
Huge guy waving Bud Light bottle at old Native American lady: There's a reason I like ladies without any teeth.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Categories: Body parts | Bragging | Jerks | Minnesota | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Although Either Can Make You Sick
Trendy mother to three-year-old girl: No, tequila isn't sex. Tequila is tequila.
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Moms | Overheard in Melbourne's Journal | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You Keep Squirming
Teacher: I love you, Daniel*, and I love you, Jacob*, and I love you, Madison*.
Class clown: Do you love me?
Teacher: I like you.
Class clown, after class stops laughing: So you don't love me?
Teacher: I try to love you -- I really do.
Durham School of the Arts
Durham, North Carolina
Categories: North Carolina | Relationships | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As I Am Wont to Do
Woman on cell: Wait, what? How does that work? Oh, okay -- I was thinking of a different strap-on.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Illinois | On the phone | Toys | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Be Careful It Doesn't Squirt You in the Eye
Guy on cell: Now turn it on and set it to cow mode... Right, but be sure it's in cow mode... No, you'll know when it's in cow mode.
Kroger Grocery
Conway, Arkansas
Overheard by: Not sure I want to know
Categories: Advice | Animals | Arkansas | On the phone | Technology | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As It Is, I'm Just Going to Nibble on You Instead of Robbing You
Hobo to freshman running by: You're lucky I'm high, kid.
State Street
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Sweetie, All Men Are Transparent
Hobo: Damn, shorty, you lookin' good!
Black girl, groping white boy passerby: I don't like the dark chocolate -- I need a boy I can see my reflection in!
Washington, DC
Overheard by: D.B.
Categories: Black people | Hobos | Race | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tim Burton Was Always a Creepy Dad
Father holding infant son in glass elevator: Are you scared, sweetie? It must be nice not to have a sense of your own mortality.
Burlington Mall
Burlington, Massachusetts
Categories: Dads | Fears | Massachusetts | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After That, Sex Got a Lot More Comfortable
20-something artist dude in loin cloth: ... And then I realized -- it's not about the panties at all!
Burning Man
Black Rock Desert, Nevada
Overheard by: lith
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Nevada | Philosophy | Posted 2008-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: My Kids Are Greedy Little Assholes
Little girl with mother: My birthday's coming up soon, so I don't want to get anything for me.
Woman in opposite aisle: There is no way that child is human.
CVS
Houston, Texas
Categories: Etiquette | Glad the condom broke | Gossip | Strangers | Texas | Posted 2008-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
An Old Russian Idiom for "I Love You"
Old Russian man, gesturing: My little finger is bigger than my father's loin.
Bread & Chocolate
Alexandria, Virginia
Overheard by: LizWasStunned
Categories: Body parts | Family ties | Foreigners | Virginia | Posted 2008-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If the Universe Doesn't Get You First
Math professor: Now, if there's one thing you can't do in Mathland, it's divide by zero. If you divide by zero, I will personally hunt you down and shoot you.
Bellevue Community College
Washington
Overheard by: The Kid
Categories: Education | Teachers | Threats | Washington | Posted 2008-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Look -- Liz Taylor!
Little boy running from small animal exhibit: Come on, Mom, let's go find something that could eat us!
San Diego Zoo
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Rasputin
Categories: Animals | California | Kids | Posted 2008-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Juxta Barely Got My GED, So Don't Ask Me
Rich girl #1: This one's 'the juxtapositioned couple'? What's juxtapositioned?
Rich girl #2: I don't know... Like, without their skin?
Phoenix, Arizona
And She'd Fallen Asleep at the Wheel.
Girl: Hey! How are you? Anything new and exciting?
Friend: I got rear-ended while driving yesterday because a woman was receiving oral sex.
Kalamazoo College
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Aw, Man, I'm Always Bringing Up the Rear
Girl to two guys: So, who has the smaller cock?
Guy #1: Oh, me.
Girl: You can fuck me in the ass.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Doug
Can't You Pull 'em Back Up into Your Abdomen?
Teen boy, jokingly: So, yeah -- I was thinking about getting my testicles removed, so that way no one can kick me there anymore.
Teen girl, mortified: No, don't! You need one to live!
Fairfax, Minnesota
Overheard by: Amused friend
I'll Tell You It's Yours, Regardless
Girl, after showing of Juno: I want a baby.
Boyfriend: [Raises eyebrows.]
Girl: Not by you, but, you know...
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
I'm Never Borrowing Your Hankie Again
Old lady to another: I don't like toilet paper. I think it's such a waste.
Mt. Vernon, New York
Overheard by: Not sure if I should laugh or puke
Categories: Health & Hygiene | New York | Old folks | Posted 2008-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Juvenile Alcohol Abuse Is in Everyone's Best Interest
Six-year-old boy screaming at parent: I want a beer!
Passerby: Get that kid a beer, quick!
Islands of Adventure
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: jessi
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Florida | Kids | Posted 2008-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only the Strong Survive a New Zealand Childhood
Toddler in stroller, after dad accidentally pushes him into a shelf: Uh-oh!
Dad: Yeah, uh-oh! Daddy's drunk, so he shouldn't be drinking and driving. [Toddler giggles.]
Mt. Eden
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Jon
Categories: Dads | Drinking & drunks | Kids | New Zealand | Posted 2008-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even after He Put on a Polo Shirt
Guy: I knew a Japanese bloke once. He changed his name to Smith... Mind you, he still looked Japanese.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: O.B.
Categories: Guys | Names | Overheard Lines | Race | Posted 2008-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Brand Recognition Is So Important
Girl: In case they forget our names, they're right here on our vaginas.
1280 Peachtree Street
Atlanta, Georgia
... To "Delaware"?
Proctor: What do you believe is the current state of our country?
Pageant contestant: Wisconsin. Wait... Can I change my answer?
Beauty pageant
Green Bay, Wisconsin
Which Was My Platform When I Ran for Congress
Professor: Facts are doo-doo.
UC Davis
Davis, California
Overheard by: Biology Student
Categories: California | Education | Teachers | Posted 2008-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That I'm Getting a Free Dinner
Man to girl he's trying to hit on: [Flashes American Express card] What does this mean to you?
Girl: ... It means you're a douche.
Edendale Grill
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Chicks | Insults | Jerks | Posted 2008-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Uncontrollable Urge to Enter Other People's Conversations, for Instance
Guy to girl: Hey, remember when my grandfather went through that phase where he wanted us to be Jewish?
Passerby: It's overrated.
Guy: ... What?
Passerby: Being Jewish -- it's overrated. There's a lot of baggage.
Public Gardens
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Massachusetts | Religion | Strangers | Posted 2008-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Keep Walking, Beatrice
Older lady: What's a whiffy?
Man, confused: What's... a whiffy?
Older lady: Right there! It says, 'Free whiffy' -- W-I-F-I.
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Jen
Categories: Florida | Old folks | Technology | Words | Posted 2008-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Just Paddle Each Other Like Usual
Guy: You know what we should do this weekend? Roofie each other to see what it feels like!
Colorado State University
Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Drugs | Frat boy types | Posted 2008-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
While the Catcher Uses Rye
Little leaguer #1: My team is really good this summer!
Dad: Your team stinks. Your outfielder eats grass.
Little leaguer #2: Yes, but he's going au natural. He also puts sunflower seeds in his ears.
Jacobs Field
Cleveland, Ohio
I'll Now Require an Itemized List
Chick on boat at company party: So, your brother-in-law inherited the porn collection of a dead man? ... Okay, just making sure I understood what we were talking about.
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: stuck on a boat
All I Asked Was, "Can I Buy You a Drink?"
Latina: So, this one time I was giving this guy a blowjob, but I just ate a tuna fish sandwich like 20 minutes before, and the whole time I'm like, 'Don't shoot that shit in my mouth 'cause I'll puke,' right? Then he totally came in my mouth!
White dude: Haha, nice!
Latina: Naw, man -- it was nasty! I fuckin' puked tuna fish all over this dude's dick and balls. It got all in his pubes and everything!
White dude: Wow.
Latina: But yeah, I give good head.
Buffalo Billiards
Washington, DC
Overheard by: procrastiNate
Categories: BJs | Food | Latinas | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Partial Credit
Teacher, holding up an ulna: Who can tell me what bone this is?
Student: A uterus!
Physiology class
New Jersey
Categories: Body parts | New Jersey | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Clawing. Meowing. That Sort of Thing.
Lady on cell: Yeah, I know! When I get wet, I get really aggressive.
37 bus
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: That could go either way...
Categories: Canadia | Gossip | On the phone | Posted 2008-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Go a Few Miles South and That's Punishable by Death
Child: Who's Elvis?
Mother, not paying attention: I don't know.
Concerned old lady nearby, to mother: You don't know who Elvis is, honey?
Cincinnati, Ohio
Amazing the Americans Didn't Do It First
Guy #1: Neil, you okay? Are you drunk?
Guy #2: Nah, I'm fine. I've just taken all the effort out of walking.
Oban, Argyll
Scotland
Categories: Guys | Philosophy | Scotland | Posted 2008-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Your Explanation for Everything!
Daughter #1: Mom, do you remember when we were little and we met that little boy whose name was Chelsea?
Daughter #2: Who the hell would name their boy 'Chelsea'?!
Mom: Well, they might have been oriental, you guys.
Columbus, Ohio
... Until You Find Jesus
Thug: Yeah, right... The sign shouldn't read 'Welcome to Omaha' -- it should read 'Welcome to Omaha... You're gonna get fucking lost.'
Omaha, Nebraska
Just to Dip My Celery Stalk in Her Bloody Mary
Drunk guy: Man, that girl was so hot, I'd eat her period!
Marina Del Rey, California
Overheard by: James Jameson
Categories: California | Drunks | Kink | Licking | Posted 2008-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Do You Tap Dance in One?
Frustrated neighbor: It's only gay if we do it outside a vagina!
Derby, Connecticut
Overheard by: Jess
Categories: Connecticut | Idiots | Sexuality | Vagina | Posted 2008-01-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Mean, Priests Know about These Things, Right?
Woman: So then he said either I have to quit smoking, or I have to have a baby.
Outback Steakhouse
Leominster, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Amycakes
Categories: Advice | Gossip | Ladies who lunch | Massachusetts | Posted 2008-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... In Utah
Preppy girl: Oh my god, I have, like, two wives. I think I have a husband... I used to have a boyfriend and two wives.
Guy: That seems to happen to a lot of people...
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: shiny
Categories: Massachusetts | Preppies | Relationships | Posted 2008-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Make Me Start Jabbing You with Pins Again
Man with camera: No, smile. There's no frowning allowed on MySpace anymore. It's a rule. If you want your picture there, you have to smile.
Six-year-old son: Okay.
Man, to other young son: And you -- be serious. No, not like that. Beyond serious. Like you lost your dog -- that serious. No, even more -- like you lost your truck!
Ice rink
Asheville, North Carolina
Categories: Advice | Creepsters | Dads | North Carolina | Posted 2008-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Took Her in for an Emergency Chopstick Abortion
Chick on cell: Haha, she thought it was a baby in the womb, but then I told her it was just sushi!
Toronto Eaton Centre
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Food | Gossip | On the phone | Posted 2008-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Meant More of a Moral Worm
Father: ... But worms don't have arms and legs. You have arms and legs, don't you?
Young son: Uh-huh...
Charlestown Square
Newcastle
Australia
Categories: Australia | Body parts | Dads | Posted 2008-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'd Only Be a Truckstop Ho for Mad Cash
Rich white chick: Fuck, yeah, I'd be a car ho for some sweet cash.
Christchurch, Canterbury
New Zealand
Categories: Bimbettes | Jobs & Careers | New Zealand | Whiteys | Posted 2008-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can't Imagine How That Made 'em the Dominant Culture
Little Hispanic boy: I want more food.
Dad, calmly: Okay. We just have to get another plate.
Little Hispanic boy: But I want more food!
Dad: Okay! We just need to go get you another plate.
Little Hispanic boy: But I want more food!
Dad, yelling: I said 'okay'! I just have to get you a new plate!
Little Hispanic boy, shocked: You yelled at me...
Dad: Well, I tried speaking to you like a white man, but you wouldn't listen.
Chinese buffet
Reading, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Hole
Categories: Dads | Gripes | Pennsylvania | Race | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Sensitive Matter Only a Truck Full of Syrup Can Resolve
Man on cell: No, Eileen's not too happy with me. I filled her refrigerator with waffles... No, I can't talk about it here.
Public library
Cincinnati, Ohio
Categories: Food | Gossip | Ohio | On the phone | Posted 2008-01-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
See the Homeless People?
Teen girl to friends: Oh, fuck, we're in America.
Border of America and Italy, Epcot, Disney World
Florida
Overheard by: leaving 'America'
We're Going to the Electrolysist.
Three-year-old: I have two daddies! I have two daddies!
Irritated mother, dragging child out of store: Come on.
Target
Merced, California
Overheard by: oh. my. god.
Categories: California | Family ties | Moms | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... While Mine's in the Shop
Chick to friend: Man, you've gotta get laid. I need to live vicariously through someone's vagina.
Village Inn
Anchorage, Alaska
Overheard by: Tabs
A Stable Male Replacement for You Will Do
Black boy, screaming: I want my daddy!
Mom: Your daddy? Who's your daddy?
Gas station
Palm Bay, Florida
Overheard by: Kitty
And Cock-Stopping's an Essential Part of the Smith Charter
Chemistry professor, demonstrating suction filtration: ... And you have to stop the cock before you turn on the water, or it will just [frantic hand motion] come all over your face.
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: amused non-major
Categories: Advice | Animals | Massachusetts | Teachers | Words | Posted 2008-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Was the Last Time You Got 20 Years for Jaywalking?
Guy: Statutory rape is the jaywalking of sex crimes!
Interbay Golf
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Crimes | Guys | Washington | Posted 2008-01-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Still Don't
Man looking at anteaters and monkeys in pen: Wow! I didn't know anteaters were a type of monkey!
Primate House, Denver Zoo
Denver, Colorado
I Specialize In Them
Professor: So, there seems to be the notion that a girl who dresses like a slut is asking for it.
Male student: Now, I do not dabble in sluts myself, but I have plenty of friends who do.
Professor: I think we're done for the day.
Sociology class, University of Colorado
Colorado
Fuzzy Wuzzy Was a Bear/ Who Had Almost No Penis There
Girl in bar: He's a big, harmless teddy bear who has sex with people in their sleep.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Mike K
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Massachusetts | Sex | Posted 2008-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, and When Oprah Appeared to Me in a Popsicle
Cracked-out homeless he-she to girl running from station: Keep on running, mothafuckah! I'll getcha! [Crazy laughter.]
Hipster girl, after he-she walks away: That was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
30th Street station
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: 3 Hipsters
Categories: Hipsters | Homeless | Pennsylvania | Threats | Posted 2008-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Worse, Pussy-Whipped
Girl arguing with boyfriend on speaker phone: I hope you get herpes and get pistol-whipped! [Guy's friend giggles in background.] Is that Nate? I hope he gets herpes and pistol-whipped, too!
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Chicks | Insults | Pennsylvania | Posted 2008-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then I'm Gonna Emancipate Yo' Ass
Angry old man to frat guy: I'm gonna take you out back and teach you who the sixteenth president is.
Pub
Bloomfield, New Jersey
Categories: New Jersey | Old folks | Threats | Posted 2008-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Someday She'll Be Allowed to Vote
Girl #1: Are those cows or people?
Girl #2: They're geese.
Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
I Think You'd Be Surprised
Cute queer #1: Yeah, but aren't you worried about the sodomy laws around there?
Cute queer #2: No, not really.
Cute queer #1: My god, why not?
Cute queer #2: I don't think that a fleshlight really counts as sodomy.
Grand Avenue
Saint Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Confused Dyke On The Corner
Um, Hello?
Trailer trash mom to bow-legged child: Stop walkin' like you got turds!
All Star Movies Resort, Disney World
Florida
Overheard by: Stitch Fan
What's the Word for Ironic Irony?
Young hipster dude to older hipster dude: Man, fuck Yanni. That guy sucks. [Mocks his singing] 'The best part of waking up...' Wait, no, that's Michael Bolton. Wait, no, that's Folgers!
Blue line Metro
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Laughing at that guy
Categories: Hipsters | Music | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-01-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Twin Cities Get Ready for Winter
Hipster guy to chick: You know, if you drink a lot of Tabasco, your shit will really burn... No, I don't mean it will hurt. I mean you can light it on fire and it will keep you warm when it's cold out.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: hungry muppet
Categories: Food | Gossip | Hipsters | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2008-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are Those Fangs on the Clasp?
Girl: So, my boyfriend couldn't take off my bra. I told him I'd wear the front-clasp one next time. He was like, 'I don't want your pity bra!' Wanna try?
Queer pal, trying to remove bra: Oh my god! This is not a pity bra! This is the meanest bra in the whole world!
Montreal
Canadia
The Kid Used to Invent Statistics for the Bush Administration
Teacher: You will build a car from a mouse trap.
Student #1: Those things are dangerous!
Teacher: What?
Student #1: People have died from them!
Student #2: Who's died from a mousetrap?
Student #1: Over 16 babies have been killed by mousetraps.
Teacher, after pause: People, keep your babies away from it.
Shout-out: overheardinhighschool.blogspot.com
Categories: Advice | Lies | Overheard in High School | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All My Gentleman Callers Are Dead
Loud old lady on cell: Hello! Sorry about before. I was so shocked someone called me that I pressed the wrong button!
Belgrave Line train
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Kiri
Categories: Australia | Cell phones | Old folks | Posted 2008-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Headline Could Improve Upon This.
Conductor, as train comes in: Ahem: Quack-quack-quack, quack-quack, quack, quack, quack-quack... A-whoo-whoo!
Eltham
Australia
Categories: Australia | Conductors | Words | Posted 2008-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You and Your Goddamn Exercise
Father to eight-year-old son in front of paddle boat vendor: No! We have jet skis. Are you kidding me?!
Inner Harbor
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Y G B S M
Thanks for Telling Me What to Think Again
Girl reading TIME magazine: Do you think Michael Jackson looks kinda hot in this picture?
Friend: No, definitely not.
Girl, after a pause: Yeah, I don't either.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: bradlea
Categories: About celebrities | California | Chicks | Posted 2008-01-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do White People Even Have "People"?
Group of white guys: We're visiting here from South Africa.
Loud drunk girl: Do you miss your people?
Arlington, Virginia
Funny Story -- One Lived in Me for Over a Month
Little boy: Mommy, what's a condom?
Mom: It's short for 'condominium,' honey.
Little boy: Oh... Mommy, did you ever live in a condom?
Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Colorado's Only Black Teenager Is Often Misunderstood
Chick, to teacher: Do you remember the Geto Boys, with the black dwarf who now raps for Jesus and got shot in the face by his girlfriend so now his eye is all slack?
Rest of class: ... What?
High school classroom
Englewood, Colorado
And He Was Like, "I Made My Choice"
Midget girl: So, I'm trying to talk to him, but he wouldn't stop checking out my body, and I'm like, 'Hello! My eyes are down here.'
San Francisco State University
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ottsel
Categories: Body parts | California | Chicks | Gossip | San Francisco | Posted 2008-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though As a History Tutor, She's Subpar
Asian student on cell: Yeah, yeah. He know her long time. Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah. She better than stripper.
University of Massachusetts
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Asians | Gossip | Massachusetts | On the phone | Posted 2008-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Twofer!
Child running up escalator: I'm winning again!
Mom, huffing and puffing on other escalator: Yeah, well, I'm having a stroke, so...
Cleveland Park Metro station
Washington, DC
Categories: Kids | Maladies | Moms | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Young Black Guys Need Viagra?
Young black dude to white dude: ... And don't ever use Viagra unless you really need it. My balls were itching like crazy.
Modesto, California
Overheard by: Donster
Categories: Advice | Black people | California | Posted 2008-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Except in the Movie We'd Know Kung Fu Instead of Getting Brutally Mugged
Asian guy to friends, with black stranger behind them: It's like a movie -- every time I look back, the black guy gets closer.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Asians | Overheard at McGill | Race | Posted 2008-01-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Know, We Should Talk Less
Guy: Have you seen The Swede?
Friends: No ...
Guy: It's like the Citizen Kane of bad Korean movies!
Oyster Bay
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: tell me what you really think
It Gets So Bitchy When It's Hungry
Girlfriend #1: It started to hurt after he used a condom.
Girlfriend #2: I don't like your vagina. It has too many issues.
Girlfriend #1: I don't like my vagina either.
Orlando, Florida
I Lost Three Boyfriends to Trek Addictions
Old man holding up movie to old woman: How about this one?
Old woman, exasperation: You know I don't like outer space!
Video store
Illinois
I'm Content to Be Her Booty-Call Beneficiary
Dude to friend: ... And then she asked me, 'Where do you think this relationship is going?' Fuck! She calls me when she's drunk, and I leave the door unlocked for her... This situation is working out well for me -- that's where this relationship is going.
Museum of Flight
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Guys | Relationships | Washington | Posted 2008-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Once I Learn to Read
Small boy: They used to shove a big bar of soap right down your throat! But that's illegal now.
Small girl: Like, if you say 'poop,' or if you say 'hell'?
Small boy, thinking deeply: I've got to research it.
Third grade classroom
Newton, Massachusetts
Categories: Gossip | Kids | Massachusetts | Posted 2008-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Let's Keep It That Way
Drunk guy to drunk girl: ... But I haven't even slept with you yet!
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: amused passerby
That Was Your First Mistake
Mother to misbehaving five-year-old: Knock it off! I just got you a pedicure!
Forever 21
Lynnwood, Washington
Categories: Gripes | Moms | Washington | Posted 2008-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Sidestep Your Clumsy Attack
Five-year-old boy: If Mommy has another baby, I'm not gonna be by it. It will just crawl around the house and suck milk from Mommy's nibbles. And she won't wear a bra!
Eight-year-old boy: If you like bras so much, maybe we should get you one.
Five-year-old boy: Yeah! I would use it for my butt cheeks, so when I sit down it would be nice and soft!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: chaska
Categories: Gossip | Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2008-01-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From Back When I Was Still Cool
Student: What does 'STP' stand for?
Teacher: 'Standard temperature and pressure.' Also, 'Stone Temple Pilots.'
Chemistry class
Provo, Utah
Just Some of the Questions You May See on the Revised SATs
Teacher: Well, what do you think it would be like if you had a penis on your forehead? What would you do if you saw a pretty girl?
Kodiak High School
Kodiak, Alaska
Marry Me.
Chick on cell: I love not wearing panties! It makes me almost as hot as that time the cable company gave us free porn for a week!
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: Sportin' drawers
Some Marriage Proposals Go Down More Smoothly Than Others
Guy to girl: I want to be on your mind, but not to your detriment... Not so you turn into some enslaved man-flesh addict.
Bellevue, Washington
Categories: Guys | Relationships | Washington | Posted 2008-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Have We Told You about Speaking?
Little girl: Wouldn't it be great if, instead of stinging you, bees rescued you from quick sand?
Brookfield, Illinois
Overheard by: Joe V
She Didn't Try Very Hard
Eurotrash: Can we sit outside? We want to smoke.
Hostess: Sorry, the patio just closed.
Eurotrash: If I tell you you're pretty, would you let us sit outside?
Hostess: I can't let you do that, sir.
Eurotrash: You are very pretty.
Hostess: I'll see what I can do.
Restaurant
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: flossy.
Categories: Canadia | Compliments | Customers | Posted 2008-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Long As She Promises to Balance the Ball on Her Nose
Emo girl: Hey, when we get home we should totally creep up on my sister and scare her.
Emo guy: I'm not scaring your sister. I already made a bad first impression on her.
Emo girl: Don't worry, she won't care. Seriously.
Emo guy: Look, I'll throw a fish at her, but I'm not scaring her, okay?
Emo girl: Okay.
610 bus to Nambour
Australia
Overheard by: Aidan
Like Your Father Needs More Encouragement to Be Flatulent
Little boy: Mommy! I want to get my daddy this card!
Mother: But honey, you don't know what that means.
Little boy: Yes, I do! I do!
Mother: Okay, what does it mean?
Little boy: Pull my finger. It means... pull my finger! That's what you do, right? You pull the monkey's finger.
Mother: Um... Honey, you don't know what that means. Here, why don't you give Daddy this other card instead?
Little boy, crying: No! I do know what it means. I want to get my daddy this card! He would like it!
Mother, sighing: Okay, fine... But you don't know what it means.
Little boy, happily: My daddy is really going to like this card! I just know it!
Fred Meyer
Springfield, Oregon
... In Church
Guy to pal: Sometimes I wish it were socially acceptable to have another guy suck your dick.
Simpsonville, South Carolina
Categories: BJs | Guys | South Carolina | Posted 2008-01-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, That's You
Intercom: The moving walkway is ending.
Little boy: The moving walkway is pooping! Haha! Pooping!
Midway Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: morgz
Sends Me Puppies, One Piece at a Time
Quartet member #1: ... And now for some delicious candy from my stalker!
Quartet member #2: I love her! She's so sweet!
Musicians' lounge, Kohl Mansion
California
Categories: California | Coworkers | Gifts | Posted 2008-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Completely Missing the Apple on His Son's Head
Man: ... And then he shot a hooker in the face with a crossbow!
Cloak and Dagger Pub
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
But We Are on a Budget, So You'll Have to Share Needles
Dad to table full of preteens: If everyone's good, they can get one tattoo and one piercing.
Pei Wei, 7th Avenue
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Ken
Hey, Baby, How about a Little Doing Unto Others?
Blonde to bartender, about explicit music video on TV: Will you turn that off?! It's offensive! [To friend] I am way too fucking Christian for that shit!
Scruffy Murphy's Pub
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: bystander that was enjoying the video
Turkeys: Damn Right!
Brunette: Hold up -- I just want to grab some turkey.
Redhead: Why?
Brunette: ... So I can make a turkey sandwich?
Redhead: Yeah, I know, but we have chicken back home.
Brunette: Uh-huhhh -- and I want a turkey sandwich.
Redhead: It's the same thing.
Brunette: No. No, it's not.
Redhead: Alright, then what's the difference?
Brunette: ... One's a fucking turkey.
Long Island Super Market
Long Island, New York
So It's No Problem If I Stub Them Out in Your Eyes?
Angry security guard lady: Hey! There's no smoking out here!
Smoker guy #1, wearing dark shades and not sorry: Sorry, we didn't know.
Angry security guard lady: Well, there's a sign right next to you.
Smoker guy #2, wearing dark shades: We're blind -- that's why we're at the Eye Center.
Security guard lady, laughing loudly: Hahaha! Well, okay!
Kellogg Eye Center
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Ewan Macpherson
The Auto-Abortion Function Would Be Optional
Loud black lady in long line: Girl, I know how you feel! Every time I try to buy a pregnancy test, there gotta be a big ordeal! The line too long, or there someone you know.
Girl with pregnancy test, embarrassed and chuckling: Yeah...
Loud black lady: I wish I could just go in my toilet, then push a button and have my toilet say, 'Uh-huh, you pregnant today!'
Van Wert, Ohio
Overheard by: Woah, that's not a bad idea...
Categories: Black people | Ohio | Pregnancy | Posted 2008-01-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Are You Buying a Chocolate Jesus?
Cashier: Merry Christmas.
Customer: You, too.
Cashier: Wait! I gotta be politically correct -- Happy Holidays.
Customer: Yeah, I'm Jewish.
Cashier: Oh my god, me too!
Customer: Then why the fuck are we wishing each other a Merry Christmas?
Cashier: I have no fucking clue.
Wegmans
Manalapan, New Jersey
Overheard by: I celebrate christmas....
Categories: Customers | Holidays | New Jersey | Posted 2008-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With As Few Lasting Emotional Scars As Possible
Three-year-old in stroller: I want to get out.
Mother: No. [Child starts crying.] You can't get out. Mickey Mouse will eat you.
Cashier: Um, have a magical day.
Disney World
Florida
Overheard by: Sarah
Don't Worry, Sweetie, You'll Love the Gym Membership
Wife eating cheeseburger: I know what my New Year's resolution is going to be...
Distracted husband: To lose weight?
Wife: What? No! Why would you say that?! Do you think I'm getting fat?
Husband: Oh! No, no, no -- you're not fat. You're perfect! I love you so much just the way you are.
Wife: Whatever. I better be getting a good fucking Christmas present, and you definitely won't be seeing me naked for a very long time.
Wendy's
New Hartford, New York
Categories: Couples | Diet & weight | Insults | New York | Posted 2008-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Once Again, Your Logic Is Unassailable
Guy #1: So, 'viticulture' -- that's Latin, right?
Guy #2: Well, Latin is a dead language, so it doesn't count.
Guy #3: You're a dead language.
Guy #4: Your mother's a whore.
Culinary Institute of America
Hyde Park, New York
Overheard by: just a student
Unless You're Willing to Back It Up with a Spanking
Professor on first day of class: Hi, my name is Jerry Anderson*. You can call me Jerry, you can call me Anderson... You might want to call me Bastard Ass-fucker, but I'd prefer if you kept that to yourself.
University of Alabama
Tuscaloosa, Alabama
When My God Fills Me Up, I Gain Five Pounds.
Lady #1: This cheese is sooo good.
Lady #2: Mmm, it is nice.
Lady #1: No, but it is really good. I mean, cheese is just amazing. I mean, it's not like you grow it or anything -- it's man-made, from just milk. And a bit of mold! It's incredible!
Lady #2: Wow, you really love it, don't you?
Lady #1: Cheese is my religion.
Palazzo Versace, Gold Coast
Queensland
Australia
Categories: Australia | Food | Ladies who lunch | Posted 2008-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bet She's Barrels of Fun in Bed
Girl #1: Come on! Let's go!
Girl #2, drinking her milkshake: Could you just be quiet for a minute? I'm kinda in the middle of an orgasm!
Fast food joint
Fairfax, California
Overheard by: slovett
Categories: California | Chicks | Food | Orgasm | Posted 2008-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pink Is Pretty Gay, Though -- Why Chance It?
Frat boy #1: What is pink eye, anyway?
Frat boy #2: I dunno.
Frat boy #1: Well, I don't see how it can be that contagious.
Palm Walk, Arizona State University
Arizona
Overheard by: oh, trust me...
Categories: Arizona | Frat boy types | Health & Hygiene | Posted 2008-01-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Each Is Unique, Like a Snowflake
Girl to another: We'll figure it out. I'll Facebook your ass or something.
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Chicks | Internet | Overheard at York | Posted 2008-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Want Me to Listen to That Shit, You Gotta Buy Me Bacon
Redhead punk: Oh, God, the first guy I ever had sex with did that to me... Well, actually, that's not true. He took my technical virginity. I actually lost my anal virginity first to another guy.
Blonde hipster friend: [Silence.]
Redhead punk: Yeah. So anyway, what happened was--
Blonde hipster friend, suddenly eating vigorously: --Mmm, French toast!
Denny's
Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: lost my appetite
In Edmonton, That's Front-Page News
Little girl in bathroom: But Mommy, I'm working on a really big poop!
Embarrassed mother: Honey, everyone in the bathroom does not need to hear that!
Boston Pizza, 50th Street
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
The Only Law I Actually Know Is "Buckle Up"
Professor, after long explanation of transactions: ... But that is probably not the law.
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Overheard in Law School | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2008-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Just Say I Felt the Earth Move
Queer #1: I bruised my pelvis once during sex. It was the last time I had sex with a woman. Remember?
Queer #2: Right.
Queer #3: I don't know this story.
Queer #1: Well, to be more exact, I woke up to having sex with a woman. Or, rather, I regained consciousness to discover a woman fucking me. That was the same day as the bulldozer.
Queer #2: You don't have to say anything else for this to be a perfect story.
Queer #3: Wait... A bulldozer?
Wine bar
Baltimore, Maryland
Or, Rather, Your Failure to Step There
Guy: She makes her own salsa, too! And God, it's good. Almost better than sex with a stranger, though I wouldn't know what that was like.
Girl: I'm also a salsa maker.
Guy, laughing: Well, hello random...
Girl: No, we were talking about your mom making salsa... Until your side-trip to stranger-sex-land.
Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: Jeff
Categories: California | Food | Friends | Gossip | Posted 2008-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Last Year, It Was Empire-Waist Shirts. This Year, Butt Shootings
Professor #1, during a mock voir dire: Where'd you get shot, sir?
Professor #2: In the butt! It's a recent thing! People shoot the victim in the butt!
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Ass | Overheard in Law School | Teachers | Posted 2008-01-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's the Universal Indiana Witticism
Guy #1, poked with pencil: Shit! That hurt!
Guy #2: That's what she said!
Guy #1: What?
Guy #2: That's what she said.
Guy #1: That doesn't even make any sense...
Guy #2: That's what she said!
Guy #1: Dude! You're not even using it right!
Guy #2: That's what she said!
Guy #1: Go fuck yourself! [Walks away.]
Guy #2, yelling back: That's what she said!
Carmel, Indiana
Overheard by: POS
For Our Safety, You'll Need to Stand by with Norton Antivirus
Student #1: Do you need this one?
Student #2: No, I have HIV -- I just need herpes. [Several people turn and stare.] Powerpoints! I need the herpes powerpoint!
Copy room, Library, KU-Med
Kansas
Overheard by: Laughed Assless
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Kansas | Students | Posted 2008-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, It Was Nothing Like the Movies
Man: She was that lesbian -- the one who wanted to have a three-way and told me I could watch.
Three Allen Center
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: B_tay
Or Possibly Just Had Severe Intracranial Pressure
Five-year-old girl, singing nursery rhyme: ... Bumped his head, fell out of bed, couldn't get up in the morning... 'Cause he's dead.
Target
Shawnee, Kansas
Categories: Death & dying | Kansas | Kids | Posted 2008-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or When You Have Some Good Weed. Either One.
Girl to sister: Go away and come back when I can love you again.
Ruby Tuesday
Hagerstown, Maryland
Overheard by: Eavesdropping customer
Just Taking a Vacation from the Metric System
Guy, seeing a techno dance party: Hey! Are you guys in the circus?
Hippie kid with dreads #1: Fuck no!
Hippie kid with dreads #2: No, we're Canadian.
Atlanta, Georgia
Mmm, Sandwich...
Dude #1: We win. Majority rules.
Chick: But Erin* agrees with me! It's a tie!
Dude #1: Yeah, but you're women. No one cares about your opinion.
Dude #2: Unless you could put it in some sort of sandwich form.
High school classroom
Englewood, Colorado
I Can't Believe You Missed Last Night's 24!
Loud guy on cell: Where you at? Did you make the stop? He went to jail yesterday? What? What time did you get locked up? Damn!
McDonald's, Illinois Center
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Crimes | Gossip | Illinois | On the phone | Posted 2008-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Miss Technicolor
Girl on cell: Oh my god! I was wondering why my discharge was kinda brown!
L train platform, Brown line
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: *Tina Marie*
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Illinois | On the phone | Vagina | Posted 2008-01-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Talking about Date Rape
Ghetto girl: Yo, I can't wait to get back to my dorm and just take a nap.
Ghetto guy: Heh... Well, you know, just don't let that nap turn into, you know, some sleep... Y'know what I mean?
Ghetto girl: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Rutgers University
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Categories: Advice | Black people | New Jersey | Posted 2008-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But the Apple Pocket Desserts Have a Great Personality
Old black guy #1: We can eat here. It's not too busy.
Old black guy #2: Damn! There sure ain't no cutie pies in that motherfucker!
McDonald's
New York
Categories: Black people | Gripes | New York | Posted 2008-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Got to Be More Careful with His Fingering!
Dave Matthews Band groupie: Dude, the violinist totally screwed Dave up. He, like, totally blew his wad all over Dave's song!
Starwood Amphitheater merchandise stand
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: About celebrities | Gripes | Guys | Music | Tennessee | Posted 2008-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Moveable Feast?
Fat lady #1: You can not wear that.
Fat lady #2: Shut up. I'm gonna suck it in!
Old Navy, Palisades Center Mall
Nyack, New York
Overheard by: Please Don't
Categories: Diet & weight | Friends | New York | Posted 2008-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Of Course
Frat boy: So, last night I had a dream, and I was eating pussy. Of course, it was a caramelized pussy...
Goshen, Connecticut
Overheard by: sweet and sour
Categories: Connecticut | Frat boy types | Gossip | Licking | Vagina | Posted 2008-01-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aristocratic Children Are Sometimes Born into the Middle Class
Tween girl, to dad and three younger siblings: I can't believe we're eating dinner at a Target...
Target
Royal Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: spacerwoman
The Legacy of Enron
Belligerent hobo: Hey, you! Get back here! Open up that bathroom door! Get back here, or I'll pull out my 401(k) on you!
418 East 34th Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
And Once Money's Been Spunt, No One Else Will Touch It
Man: You spunt all our money!
Woman: Fuck you! You spunt the money -- that's who spunt the money!
Wal-Mart
Wichita, Kansas
Sadly, the Dork Seldom Hears an Answer to His Mating Call
Guy: It's from Star Trek! I know it is! Bet me!
Claremore, Oklahoma
Overheard by: I work with dorks
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Oklahoma | Pop culture | Posted 2008-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Would Love to Have My Groin Knighted, but I Guess It Only Happens to Cows
Lady to husband: Hey, they have steaks here, too. They just call them 'sirloins.'
Applebee's
Bowling Green, Kentucky
Water You Lookin' At?
Kid looking at periodic table of elements: Isn't H2O up there somewhere?
Bowie High School
Austin, Texas
Categories: Questions | Should have used a condom | Texas | Posted 2008-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Devoted My Life to a Cinematographic Study of the Phenomenon
Bubbly girl: I am so happy now!
Bubbly friend, holding her hand: Me, too! I can't believe it!
Old man, stopping them in hallway: What are you two so happy about?
Bubbly girl: We just hit on each other!
Old man: So, are you girlfriends now?
Bubbly friend: Yes, we are!
Old man, after long pause: Two girls together... That is a wonderful thing.
Peninsula College
Pt. Angeles, Washington
Overheard by: Gidget
Categories: Bimbettes | Old folks | Relationships | Washington | Posted 2008-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Once Your Testicles Drop, What Else Is There?
Mom: This is ridiculous! Why are you crying?
Wailing four-year-old: Because I have no reason left to live!
701 Russell Avenue
Gaithersburg, Maryland
Dude, You Are the Opposite of Fun
Elevator dude #1: I just think she's kind of ho-ish.
Elevator dude #2: I'm feeling that, though, because I'm like that myself.
Elevator dude #1: I'm not fucking with her.
Elevator dude #2: But if she was a dude, though, we'd be honoring her.
Elevator dude #1: Yeah, well, I'm not gonna be fucking no dude, either.
332 South Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Ronnie
Okay, So I Think We're Gonna Have to Break Up...
Guy: So, my Friday night was a little awkward.
Girl: How so?
Guy: Well, uh... I sort of... um... Made out with Lyndsey.
Girl: Lyndsey. As in, my ex-boyfriend's little sister, Lyndsey?! I can't believe this! What the hell is wrong with you?
Guy: Don't hate me. It wouldn't have happened if you were there to watch me! I blame you. Die.
Woodinville, Washington
Categories: Friends | Gripes | Washington | Posted 2008-01-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
B-R-I-T-N-E-Y
Little boy #1, reading flap on trash can: T-H-A-N-K-Y-O-U spells... um... Garbage!
Little boy #2, hitting boy #1: No, you dummy! Garbage starts with a 'B'!
Burger King
Grants Pass, Oregon
Going Down or Coming Up?
Lady holding bottle of Chardonnay: Does this taste like a white wine?
New Albany, Indiana
Overheard by: liquor store counter jockey
Eye Snot Kidding Around, Either
Guy #1: Snot just came out of my eye.
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: Snot just came out of my eye. See? Look.
Guy #2: Man, that's impossible.
Naples
Italy
Overheard by: Armyguy
Categories: Body parts | Guys | Italy | Posted 2008-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Don't Get Me Started about That "District of Columbia" Nonsense
Child: Why are we landing in Baltimore?
Mom: We switch planes there on the way home to Phoenix.
Child: What state is Baltimore in?
Mom: Um, let me think [picks up airline magazine to look at route map]. 'Baltimore/Washington.' Well, that doesn't make any sense.
Southwest Airlines flight from Buffalo to Baltimore
Categories: Airports & flights | Kids | Moms | Stupidity | Posted 2008-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Like Newfoundland and East Berlin
Thug #1: New England is a state!
Thug #2: New England is a country!
Thug #1: Naw, it's a state. You know -- New York, New Jersey, New England!
Thug #3: You both crazy. New England is a city! It got an NFL team -- the New England Patriots!
Thug #1: Naw, man, they sometimes be namin' teams after states, like Minnesota Vikings and Seattle Seahawks...
Thug #3: Hmmm... You right. Oh! Maybe New England be both a city and a state, like New York, New York! New England, New England!
Thug #1: That gotta be it. I knows New England is a state...
Mall pizza place
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: Snoopy
Often His Holiness Feels the Best Response Is Silence
Asian chick: You feel used? I sent him a picture of my boobs and got nothing!
Nordstrom's cafe, Market Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Asians | California | Gripes | Rack | San Francisco | Posted 2008-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Patient Was a Little Upset with Me
Nurse: I didn't know it yet, but I was saying 'fuck'!
VA Medical Center
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Scut-monkey
Tell Me This Door-Knocker-Lawn-Sprinkler Isn't Cool
Boy #1: Are you reading fuckin' SkyMall?
Boy #2: Yeah. It's actually pretty cool...
Boy #1: Faggot.
Logan Airport
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Books | Insults | Kids | Massachusetts | Posted 2008-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hello? Decepticons
Queer to fag hag, after Transformers preview: I thought they were, like, good guys...
Regal Cinemas
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: Trying not to laugh hysterically
Categories: Movies | Queers | South Carolina | Posted 2008-01-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Not in School. Don't Do What I Did.
Guy to another: Dude... just use Viagra.
School hallway
Mississauga, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Phoenix
If the Civic's A-Rockin', Don't Bother Knockin' -- Come On In!
Normal student: So, it looks like the five of us will go in the Honda Civic. The back seat will be a bit tight.
Skinny student: I'll sit back there. I'm used to being packed in the back.
College dining hall
Georgia
Overheard by: Still remember
Eliot Spitzer's next big target
Thugette: Yo, I think Diet Coke got some nicotine in it, 'cause I can't stop drinking it!
Thug: Yeah, for real. They still must be puttin' some coke in that jank.
Passerby: It's called caffeine.
9th & M Streets
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Erika
Categories: Drugs | Thugs | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Two Minds with Slightly Less Than a Single Thought
Student #1: Like, a visible person?
Student #2: Yeah! You know, that was exactly what I was thinking -- a visible person!
Bexhill College
United Kingdom
Wasted on My Impotent Self
Drunk man on cell, poolside: Bro, there are like four hot chicks down here in bikinis, and they're wasted! It's like a movie or something!
Houston, Texas
No, Man, I Just Went Skiing
Chef #1: So, were you on the old devil's dandruff over the weekend? The old Colombian marching powder? [Chef #2 stares blankly and silently.] Is that a yes?
Belfast City Centre
United Kingdom
And It's Totally Real
Professor: This clip is from a documentary about women's professional wrestling in Japan, which is pretty much the--
Football jock, interrupting: --Coolest thing ever!
Kaufman Hall, UCLA
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Not an athlete
Categories: California | Gossip | Jocks | Teachers | Posted 2008-01-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And, in Some Remote Regions, There Are People Who Don't Throw Up after Meals?
Guy #1: You mean, some girls have naturally curly hair? I thought they just got it permed.
Guy #2: You lived in L.A. for too long.
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Enigmae
I Thinks, Therefore I Is
English student #1: Girl, don't even tell me you was where you was, 'cause you wasn't there!
English student #2: Foo'! Don't be tellin' me where I is and where I isn't! I is where I is at!
927 Franklin Street
Iowa
Overheard by: grammer teachah
'Cause I Could Totally Blow Up a Few and Buy My Way Out of It
Man: If I won the lottery, Wal-Mart better watch out.
South Main gas station
Brookings, South Dakota
Categories: Guys | South Dakota | Threats | Posted 2008-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I, on the Other Hand, Can Wait Indefinitely
Goth girl 1: Oooh, and I am just waiting to give you herpes. I can't wait!
Goth girl 2: ... Um...
Starbucks, Ashbrook Road
Keene, New Hampshire
Overheard by: macchiato junkie
Categories: Goths | New Hampshire | STDs | Posted 2008-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Miss Foaming at the Mouth, Though
Teen girl: Well, I had to stop eating soap, but I'm sure I'll be fine anyways!
Madison, Wisconsin
How Coke Mules Avoid Cavity Searches
Guy on cell: Well, last night I had food poisoning, and today I had beans, so this could get interesting.
Denver Airport
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Glad I didn't sit near him
Categories: Colorado | Gossip | On the phone | Poop | Posted 2008-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For a Full Ten Minutes
Chick #1: I mean, just 'cause I do it doesn't mean I do it fast.
Chick #2: Yeah! Like, I used to date my Chemistry TA.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: hearing aid
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2008-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Won't Dignify That with a Witty Retort
Lost woman: Excuse me, can you tell me what state I'm in?
Mall of America
Bloomington, Minnesota
Overheard by: ugh...tourists
Who Are You, Again?
Girl on cell: No way. I'm not moving to North Carolina. That state totally sucks. Seriously... There is not one damned thing about that state that I like, except for the hot men that live on base. And you know what else? I love this store, but I have no idea what anything is because it's all in a foreign language.
IKEA
Canton, Michigan
Categories: Gripes | Michigan | On the phone | Posted 2008-01-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jimmy Dean Satisfies in the Kitchen and the Bedroom
Girl: ... And so everyday I was like, 'I just want some of that big sausage!'
University of Ottawa
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Lizzie
When Did You Start Making Popcorn?
Girl, after looking at friend's credit card: Wait, I always thought Orville* was your fake name.
Friend: Oh, honey, I have plenty of fake names, but 'Orville' is real. My family calls me J.R., though, because I'm the junior.
Girl: Oh! So Orville is your dad's nickname, too? That's weird!
Starbucks
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Chicks | Names | Washington | Posted 2008-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Great Solution to All This Would Be to Have One or Two More Kids
Dad, screaming at four kids: Get back here, you little bastards! If you don't behave, I'll make you sleep in the hotel bathroom when we get there! [10-year-old drops his ticket, and it starts blowing away.] Jimmy! What the hell?! How could you do something so fucking stupid?! Well, what are you standing there for? Run and get it!
Mom, screaming at dad: Why don't you relax?! He dropped his ticket -- so what, you son of a bitch?! We'll make it there and then you will relax! Your stress issues are really driving me crazy!
Lady behind them in line, to her own husband: I love you, honey.
Airport
Virginia
That Would Be Like the Government Lying
Sorostitute: But it was on his Facebook! Facebook doesn't lie!
Textbook return, University of South Florida
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: bunguin
Categories: Florida | Internet | Sorority types | Posted 2008-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need Somebody Who'll Be Grateful
Old lady diner to captain: This food is amazing. I hope the chef is single, over 60, and horny.
Arnaud's Restaurant, Bienville Street
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: The Frontwaiter
Categories: Compliments | Happiness | Louisiana | Old folks | Posted 2008-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
People in Minnesota Will Do Anything to Get Warm
20-ish girl on cell: Hey, yeah! Come to the beach, and we'll set you on fire!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: don't think the cops will approve
Categories: Advice | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Violence | Posted 2008-01-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook