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January 2008 Archives
Little Oedipus Never Got Used to It
Mother quickly pulling young child along: You'll just have to get used to having a hot mom, okay?
Great American Ballpark
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Joey-Poey
Categories: Family ties | Moms | Ohio | Posted 2008-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And He Accepts Loose Change Via PayPal
Chick: That guy's not a real bum -- he has a laptop!
Brown Line
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Whitney Wrobel
Sean Preston Finally Snaps
Young boy to mother: Mo-ooom! Enough with the madness!
Zankou Chicken
Burbank, California
Categories: California | Kids | Kids | Posted 2008-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And All Those Pills for Breakfast
Guy: I need some food.
Girl: You just had a cigarette!
Purdue University
West Lafayette, Indiana
It Does Involve Balls
Dude: Is putting my hand on my balls a sport? Could be.
Subway
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Shaniqua
A Spot-On Description of Ann Coulter
Girl: She's like a horny guy, only not horny and not a guy.
Cupertino High School
Cupertino, California
Categories: California | Chicks | Gossip | Stupidity | Posted 2008-01-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nor Breed Outside of Our Immediate Gene Pools
Cheerful guard examining passport photo: What, no smile?
Dour Canadian: No. In Canada we do not have to smile.
O'Hare International Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Rose Fox
I'm Not Crazy
College guy: So, are you still a maybe-lesbian?
College girl, shrugging: I like penis much better. Chicks are crazy, but if one licks me, I'm not gonna complain if they're hot.
University of Kentucky
Lexington, Kentucky
Otherwise Known As 9 PM on a Typical Wednesday
Drunk guy to friends: Do you know what time it is? It's dick-slapping time!
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Kari
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Michigan | Penis | Time Management | Posted 2008-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is It on YouTube?
Dude: So, this Oh-di-pus guy killed his dad and married his mom.
Girl: Gross... So, did they do it?
Dude: Oh, yeah.
Girl: Cool.
University of Saskatchewan
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Canadia
Overheard by: headshakingprof
More Organized Than "We," Grammar Slob
Little boy: Mommy, why do they have Halloween candy out already?
Mother: That's for people who are more organized than us.
Rochester, Minnesota
With a Boyfriend, I'll Go Through Less Peanutbutter
Vet student #1: I need to see about some place that allows animals next year. I really miss my cats.
Vet student #2: Yeah, I thought about that. I guess it all just depends. I mean, if I can get a boyfriend, I might not even need a dog.
overheardinathens.com
Categories: Animals | Europe | Overheard in Athens | Relationships | Students | Posted 2008-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dad: You Know, Honey, He's Got a Point
Four-year-old to mom: Mom, you should get a new husband -- one that will do more stuff with us. And Daddy can get a new wife -- a skinny wife.
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Advice | Florida | Should have used a condom | Posted 2008-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Estimate the Rise in the Dog and Cat Population to Be Seven Million and One, Bob
Guy, about Bob Barker: The show just won't be the same without him. And the pet population is going to explode!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: the truth hurts
Categories: Gripes | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2008-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
O-M-G
Dude #1: Have you ever seen the movie Airplane!?
Dude #2: L-O-L, Yeah.
Dude #1: You know that one part-- Wait... Did you just say 'L-O-L'?
Dude #2: Yeah... It slipped.
Carousel Mall
Syracuse, New York
Before You Laugh, Can You Answer This Question?
History teacher, reading from worksheet: 'The Constitution places restrictions on the powers of the states. Name one.'
Student: Maryland?
Cresson, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
Categories: Pennsylvania | Students | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2008-01-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Can't Bite Me
Huge guy waving Bud Light bottle at old Native American lady: There's a reason I like ladies without any teeth.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Categories: Body parts | Bragging | Jerks | Minnesota | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Although Either Can Make You Sick
Trendy mother to three-year-old girl: No, tequila isn't sex. Tequila is tequila.
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Moms | Overheard in Melbourne's Journal | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You Keep Squirming
Teacher: I love you, Daniel*, and I love you, Jacob*, and I love you, Madison*.
Class clown: Do you love me?
Teacher: I like you.
Class clown, after class stops laughing: So you don't love me?
Teacher: I try to love you -- I really do.
Durham School of the Arts
Durham, North Carolina
Categories: North Carolina | Relationships | Students | Teachers | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As I Am Wont to Do
Woman on cell: Wait, what? How does that work? Oh, okay -- I was thinking of a different strap-on.
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Illinois | On the phone | Toys | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Be Careful It Doesn't Squirt You in the Eye
Guy on cell: Now turn it on and set it to cow mode... Right, but be sure it's in cow mode... No, you'll know when it's in cow mode.
Kroger Grocery
Conway, Arkansas
Overheard by: Not sure I want to know
Categories: Advice | Animals | Arkansas | On the phone | Technology | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As It Is, I'm Just Going to Nibble on You Instead of Robbing You
Hobo to freshman running by: You're lucky I'm high, kid.
State Street
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Sweetie, All Men Are Transparent
Hobo: Damn, shorty, you lookin' good!
Black girl, groping white boy passerby: I don't like the dark chocolate -- I need a boy I can see my reflection in!
Washington, DC
Overheard by: D.B.
Categories: Black people | Hobos | Race | Washington, DC | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tim Burton Was Always a Creepy Dad
Father holding infant son in glass elevator: Are you scared, sweetie? It must be nice not to have a sense of your own mortality.
Burlington Mall
Burlington, Massachusetts
Categories: Dads | Fears | Massachusetts | Posted 2008-01-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After That, Sex Got a Lot More Comfortable
20-something artist dude in loin cloth: ... And then I realized -- it's not about the panties at all!
Burning Man
Black Rock Desert, Nevada
Overheard by: lith
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Nevada | Philosophy | Posted 2008-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: My Kids Are Greedy Little Assholes
Little girl with mother: My birthday's coming up soon, so I don't want to get anything for me.
Woman in opposite aisle: There is no way that child is human.
CVS
Houston, Texas
Categories: Etiquette | Glad the condom broke | Gossip | Strangers | Texas | Posted 2008-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
An Old Russian Idiom for "I Love You"
Old Russian man, gesturing: My little finger is bigger than my father's loin.
Bread & Chocolate
Alexandria, Virginia
Overheard by: LizWasStunned
Categories: Body parts | Family ties | Foreigners | Virginia | Posted 2008-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If the Universe Doesn't Get You First
Math professor: Now, if there's one thing you can't do in Mathland, it's divide by zero. If you divide by zero, I will personally hunt you down and shoot you.
Bellevue Community College
Washington
Overheard by: The Kid
Categories: Education | Teachers | Threats | Washington | Posted 2008-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Look -- Liz Taylor!
Little boy running from small animal exhibit: Come on, Mom, let's go find something that could eat us!
San Diego Zoo
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Rasputin
Categories: Animals | California | Kids | Posted 2008-01-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Juxta Barely Got My GED, So Don't Ask Me
Rich girl #1: This one's 'the juxtapositioned couple'? What's juxtapositioned?
Rich girl #2: I don't know... Like, without their skin?
Phoenix, Arizona
And She'd Fallen Asleep at the Wheel.
Girl: Hey! How are you? Anything new and exciting?
Friend: I got rear-ended while driving yesterday because a woman was receiving oral sex.
Kalamazoo College
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Aw, Man, I'm Always Bringing Up the Rear
Girl to two guys: So, who has the smaller cock?
Guy #1: Oh, me.
Girl: You can fuck me in the ass.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Doug
Can't You Pull 'em Back Up into Your Abdomen?
Teen boy, jokingly: So, yeah -- I was thinking about getting my testicles removed, so that way no one can kick me there anymore.
Teen girl, mortified: No, don't! You need one to live!
Fairfax, Minnesota
Overheard by: Amused friend
I'll Tell You It's Yours, Regardless
Girl, after showing of Juno: I want a baby.
Boyfriend: [Raises eyebrows.]
Girl: Not by you, but, you know...
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
I'm Never Borrowing Your Hankie Again
Old lady to another: I don't like toilet paper. I think it's such a waste.
Mt. Vernon, New York
Overheard by: Not sure if I should laugh or puke
Categories: Health & Hygiene | New York | Old folks | Posted 2008-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Juvenile Alcohol Abuse Is in Everyone's Best Interest
Six-year-old boy screaming at parent: I want a beer!
Passerby: Get that kid a beer, quick!
Islands of Adventure
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: jessi
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Florida | Kids | Posted 2008-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only the Strong Survive a New Zealand Childhood
Toddler in stroller, after dad accidentally pushes him into a shelf: Uh-oh!
Dad: Yeah, uh-oh! Daddy's drunk, so he shouldn't be drinking and driving. [Toddler giggles.]
Mt. Eden
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: Jon
Categories: Dads | Drinking & drunks | Kids | New Zealand | Posted 2008-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even after He Put on a Polo Shirt
Guy: I knew a Japanese bloke once. He changed his name to Smith... Mind you, he still looked Japanese.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: O.B.
Categories: Guys | Names | Overheard Lines | Race | Posted 2008-01-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Brand Recognition Is So Important
Girl: In case they forget our names, they're right here on our vaginas.
1280 Peachtree Street
Atlanta, Georgia
... To "Delaware"?
Proctor: What do you believe is the current state of our country?
Pageant contestant: Wisconsin. Wait... Can I change my answer?
Beauty pageant
Green Bay, Wisconsin
Which Was My Platform When I Ran for Congress
Professor: Facts are doo-doo.
UC Davis
Davis, California
Overheard by: Biology Student
Categories: California | Education | Teachers | Posted 2008-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That I'm Getting a Free Dinner
Man to girl he's trying to hit on: [Flashes American Express card] What does this mean to you?
Girl: ... It means you're a douche.
Edendale Grill
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Chicks | Insults | Jerks | Posted 2008-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Uncontrollable Urge to Enter Other People's Conversations, for Instance
Guy to girl: Hey, remember when my grandfather went through that phase where he wanted us to be Jewish?
Passerby: It's overrated.
Guy: ... What?
Passerby: Being Jewish -- it's overrated. There's a lot of baggage.
Public Gardens
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Massachusetts | Religion | Strangers | Posted 2008-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Keep Walking, Beatrice
Older lady: What's a whiffy?
Man, confused: What's... a whiffy?
Older lady: Right there! It says, 'Free whiffy' -- W-I-F-I.
Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Jen
Categories: Florida | Old folks | Technology | Words | Posted 2008-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Just Paddle Each Other Like Usual
Guy: You know what we should do this weekend? Roofie each other to see what it feels like!
Colorado State University
Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Drugs | Frat boy types | Posted 2008-01-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook