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November 2007 Archives
... Since the Paternity Tests
Shabby guy to friend: ... So now I have to go appease all of these pregnant people...
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Kirsten
But the Guy Who Went As a Hedgehog Had It Even Worse
Party host: Man, it took me three weeks to clean the gorilla suit after the wedding...
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Paul
Categories: Cleanliness | Guys | Michigan | Posted 2007-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Until Lindsay Lohan Steps Down
Chick to friend: Well, it's not as if you were ever going to be elected president of the cock fan club, now was it?
Melbourne University
Australia
Overheard by: Wylis
Dude, We're in Fucking Arizona
Dude #1: Hey, man, you okay?
Dude #2: Yeah, I was just in that... hot... shit... What's that called?
Dude #1: The sauna?
Dude #2: Yeah. That shit is hot, man.
Rec center
Gilbert, Arizona
Nothing That Happens on the Principal's Desk Is Sex
Student: Okay, so maybe he was inside me and I was moving around, but it wasn't sex.
Williamsburg, Virginia
Do You Need Another Minute to Think about It?
Chick: If you could be friends with any three people, who would they be?
Dude: Hitler, Jesus, and Bill Cosby.
High school
Englewood, Colorado
When Martha Stewart Has Nightmares
Naked guy with cock ring and whip: So, what are we doing later this evening?
Boyfriend with nipple rings, dog collar, padlock, and leash: We're going to my parents' for dinner, remember?
Naked guy: Oh, right. Your dad asked me to help him with the aquarium.
Boyfriend, looking at huge dildos: And I want to help my mom finish the quilt she's working on. And we should mulch the rose garden while we're there, too.
Folsom Street Fair
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: cultural tourist
Categories: California | Couples | Family ties | San Francisco | Posted 2007-11-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because I Plan to Smile the Whole Fucking Way Home
Husband: Do you want any strawberries?
Wife: No.
Husband: Do you want any pears?
Wife: No.
Husband: Do you want any peaches?
Wife: No [walks away].
Husband, to clerk: I'll take some strawberries, pears, and peaches.
Payson, Arizona
I'll Take "People Who Deserve Each Other" for $200, Alex
Girl: I always clean the sheets. You never notice, but I always clean the sheets.
Guy: What? We don't even have sheets on the bed right now.
Girl: And do you want to know why we don't have sheets on the bed? Because the other night, after you'd bled on them--
Guy: --I bled on them because you kicked me.
Girl: I did not kick you! It was that mole -- that mole that started bleeding, which I'm very concerned about, by the way. Your mole shouldn't just start bleeding like that. But anyway, I had just cleaned the sheets, and then your mole bled on them, and I went to clean them again and I thought, 'Why don't I see how long it would take him to notice there aren't even sheets on the bed?' So that's why we haven't had sheets on the bed for a month.
12th and Locust
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Couples | Pennsylvania | Relationships | Posted 2007-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Cell Reception Is Atrocious
Frustrated mom: For the love of God, stop crying! If you don't stop, I'm going to shove you back in my uterus, close my legs, and never let you out!
Crying little boy: No! I don't like it in there!
San Francisco, California
Categories: California | Kids | Moms | San Francisco | Threats | Posted 2007-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Engineers Have Humanities Requirements
Girl: But Gandhi -- he, like, did so much for the world. He helped humanity.
Guy: Yeah, but we still shouldn't have to write a paragraph about him.
Flint Hall, Syracuse University
Syracuse, New York
Overheard by: ears burning
She Was Happy Feet-Good
Man, about preteen: She was being such a good penguin that I wished that I had some extra fish to give her.
Delaware
Which May Be Why He's Sleeping with Me
Chick: Okay, so here's the story -- I don't know what to do about my crackhead boyfriend. He's, like, seriously on crack...
Friend: I really think you're over-thinking everything...
Green line bus, University of Connecticut
Storrs, Connecticut
Categories: Advice | Chicks | Connecticut | Gripes | Posted 2007-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like When It's Too Cold for Birkenstocks
Stoner chick: Some people get offended when I tell them I don't want to be a lesbian during certain times of the year.
Bakersfield, California
Categories: California | Gossip | Sexuality | Stoners | Posted 2007-11-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Kind with Compassion Supplements in Every Bite?
Fireman: Yeah, so we were all standing around waiting for this suicidal guy to do whatever, and then we got hungry.
Girlfriend: So what did you all do?
Fireman: We went back to the station and made hot dogs.
Girlfriend: What about the guy?
Fireman: I mean, the cops were still there, and we got back before anything happened. Or, well, before anything eventful happened.
Girlfriend: What kind of hot dogs were they?
Target line
Atlanta, Georgia
And That's When I Got the Idea, Your Honor
Teacher: Are you guys understanding this?
Class: [Stares blankly.]
Teacher: It feels like I'm taking my clothes off.
Class: What?
Teacher: I meant that this is disturbing.
Kenosha, Wisconsin
Then I Gave You a Carrot and Brushed Your Hair
Girl #1: Well, did you at least say thank you for the ride?
Girl #2, looking at #3: Well, you rode me. What do you say?
Girl #3: I enjoyed the ride!
Central Washington University
Ellensburg, Washington
Categories: Chicks | Etiquette | Washington | Posted 2007-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Poor Maggie Gyllenhaal
Chick #1: Was she cute?
Chick #2: No, she was fugs! She looked like an anorexic bear. You know, like, at the circus? One of the ones that are tortured... And forced to wear party hats.
Red Line train
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: I totally know what you mean...
Can It Spank You and Bite Your Nipples? I Think Not.
Nursing instructor, about simulation dummy: Can in blink? Yes. Can it vomit? Yes. Can it urinate? Yes. Can it tell you what hurts? Yes.
Nursing student: Can it take you on a date?
Penn Valley Community College
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: Nurse Badass
Unless You'd Like to Hide a Buck Knife in a Teddy Bear
Woman at counter: [Mumbling.]
Clerk: No, we don't carry weapons here.
Hallmark Store
St. Joseph, Michigan
Overheard by: but if you try the precious moments store...
We Have Our Orgies through Holes in a Sheet
Mormon girl #1: I totally can't believe we just did that. I love it.
Mormon girl #2: We're so scandalous.
Mormon girl #1: Well... We're scandalous in an appropriate way.
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: jules
There Are Jews in Iowa?
20-something guy: I am not looking forward to this party we're hosting. It?s going to be a bunch of underage frat boys, an orthodox Jew, and some crazy chick I used to fuck.
Ames, Iowa
... Was What We Called His Penis
Hot girl #1: That's so sad.
Hot girl #2: Yeah, that's so sad.
Hot girl #1: I used to date him.
Hot girl #2: Me, too.
Hot girl #1, fondly: Ruben, the one-eyed gimp.
Princeton, New Jersey
Categories: Chicks | Names | New Jersey | Posted 2007-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What?
Professor, about megafauna: I would love to have a giant beaver.
GWU Archaeology lecture
Washington, DC
Categories: Animals | Teachers | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Damnit, Now My Chair's All Wet
Super nerd #1: You look tired.
Super nerd #2: Yea...
Super nerd #1: I bet you were up till three AM playing World of Warcraft.
Super nerd #2: Yeah...
Super nerd #1: Yeah, I just got the new patch. It's downloading right now. Its an 80-gig patch... I mean, 80-meg patch.
Super nerd #2: Phew! [Panting] Don't do that to me!
Virginia Tech
Blacksburg, Virginia
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Games | Virginia | Posted 2007-11-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Contemplating a Few Craft Projects of My Own
Scottish hipster: So, we find him tied to this pole near the railway tracks, stripped and covered with tar.
English hipster: Tar? So, is that easy to get around here?
The Lot
Edinburgh
Scotland
Which Is What You Get for Forcing a Dog into a Tutu
Teen girl: Yeah... But, I mean, he peed on her! He lifted up his skirt and peed on her!
Hinsdale Central High School
Hinsdale, Illinois
Overheard by: Christina Newkirk
Or Send Him to Sleepaway Camp
Middle-aged guy #1: So, Hulk Hogan's daughter was what -- 16 when that show started? Now she must be 19, and she's dating a 30-year-old?
Middle-aged guy #2: If you're old enough to drive when you're 16 and you're old enough to die for your country when you're 18, then you're old enough to make your own decisions.
Middle-aged guy #1: You know, half of those kids that died in World War II never got to experience life as we know it. They were all probably 17-year-old virgins from Iowa.
Middle-aged guy #2: Shit, if I had a kid, I'd take him to a whorehouse in Texas as soon as he turned thirteen.
18 bus
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Are you experience?
Categories: Guys | Philosophy | Washington | Posted 2007-11-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Translation: Can We Have a Threesome with Her?
Man to woman: Is it weird that we've watched your mother having sex?
Pensacola, Florida
Overheard by: Are you serious?!
... As This Science Experiment Demonstrates
Queer: No amount of chocolate or Fosse will bring back my ass virginity.
Indiana University
Bloomington, Indiana
Overheard by: spunky
But I'm Too Baked to Know for Sure
Hipster: I mean, come on, get with it. This is the '90s, man.
Friend: ... I don't think it is.
Rutgers University
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Categories: Hipsters | New Jersey | Stupidity | Posted 2007-11-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like I've Never Made It into an Actual Book
Student: So, I went to the state library the other day.
Friend: What was it like?
Student: Well, I never made it into the actual book section.
City bus
Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: Sara
Childbirth Is Very Much a Mixed-Media Event
Thrilled grandma: She was smiling so much, she could have shit her face.
Chattanooga State Library
Chattanooga, Tennessee
Overheard by: Joe!
So, You'll Notice That I'm Topless.
Chick #1, to class: Sorry I stink. I just got back from soccer practice.
Chick #2: That's okay. My cat peed on my shirt before I left the house.
Palm Bay, Florida
Categories: Bragging | Chicks | Florida | Health & Hygiene | Posted 2007-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
Girl #1: So, this guy, like, offers to take her up to his room, and I was like, 'Um, don't think so!'
Girl #2: Oh my god, totally! Yeah!
Girl #1: So I, like, carried her up to my room.
Girl #2: Did you know her at all?
Girl #1: No! But she was pretty drunk, so I, like, made sure she was, like, comfortable or whatever. Then I went down the hall to go to the bathroom, and I come back and she, like, threw up. Like, everywhere.
Girl #2: Was she still there?
Girl #1: No, she was gone! But it smelled really bad.
Girl #2: Ewww! That's so gross.
Villanova University
Villanova, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Bored In Class
Categories: Bimbettes | Gossip | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
More Likely He'd Giggle and Start Talking about Threesomes
Girl #1: So, does your boyfriend know you're bi?
Girl #2: What? No way! If he found out, he would fry me!
Girl #1: Fry you?
Girl #2: Yes! He would fry me! With a Jesus stick!
Cupertino High School
Cupertino, California
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl
Categories: California | Chicks | Violence | Posted 2007-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Should I Just Feel?
Professor to student: Do you mind if I ask if your testicles are still intact?
Lakehead University
Ontario
Canadia
No Man Can Resist Her
Yale girl: Last night when I was getting ready to go to bed I was putting pajamas on and there was half a quesadilla in my bra.
Shout-out: overheardatyale.blogspot.com
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Overheard at Yale | Posted 2007-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
People in L.A. Eat?
Guy: I have to use the girls' room 'cause there is just vomit everywhere in the men's and a guy, like, dying or something.
Girl: Well, that's what you get for moving to the East side! Apparently no one vomits at bars on the West side. We here on the East side are all about vomit. It's, like, totally cool.
Ladies' room, 4100 Bar, Sunset Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Erin
Categories: Bragging | California | Friends | Posted 2007-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Buy Her Pinocchio and Have Him Lie to Her
Geek to friend: You need to get her something she can use in bed... Like a puppet.
Gen Con Indy
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Matt
Categories: Advice | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Indiana | Posted 2007-11-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maybe I Should Find a Nice Lesbian and Settle Down
Twink #1: I don't want to just date him for the weekend -- I want something for the rest of my life.
Twink #2: You could die Sunday. That would be the rest of your life.
The Hippo
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Mykl
Categories: Friends | Maryland | Relationships | Posted 2007-11-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Works for Me
Teen girl #1: So, I was in Health today, and the teacher was telling us about how you can get gonorrhea in your eye by giving someone a blowjob.
Teen girl #2: I think the entire point of that class is to scare you out of having sex.
38X bus
Nashville, Tennessee
Why Children Should Not Be Taught New Words
Little girl in shopping cart as dad pushes it away from the mom: We're going to jettison mom! Woo-hoo!
Department store
Austin, Texas
If I Didn't Know Better, I'd Say You'd Brought Me Fajitas
Woman looking at plate of fajitas: Ummm, I ordered fajitas.
Waiter: Those are fajitas...
Woman: Oh. [Begins eating fajitas.]
Chili's
Oldsmar, Florida
Mom's Hoping It's Just a Phase
Enthusiastic teen girl: My 10-year-old brother wears lip gloss!
Irritated mother: Don't tell people that!
Line for American Idol auditions
Dallas, Texas
Next Time I Advise You to Introduce Yourself First
Girl #1: Are you fucking me up the asshole without any K-Y?
Girl #2: Yes. Yes, I am.
Wellington, New Zealand
Overheard by: Ouch!
Categories: Backdoor | Chicks | New Zealand | Posted 2007-11-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Either That or They Swallowed Some
Dutch tourist as four very fat tourists waddle by: I bet they're American.
Hong Kong, China
Overheard by: i was thinking the same thing
Or Kinderjail
Biotech #1: They really need kennels for children.
Biotech #2: It's called school.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Biotechs | Euphemisms | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-11-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Be Wary of Their Explosive Diarrhea
Old woman: That's the problem with men -- they treat kids like little adults instead of like--
Younger woman: --Kids?
Old woman: No. Like terrorists.
Washington, DC
Categories: Gripes | Ladies who lunch | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Honor, I Was Only Following His Instructions
Small Mexican man in hot dog suit: Eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me.
20-ish chick waiting to cross street: No, thank you.
Hot dog man: Eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me!
20-ish chick: No, really -- thank you, but I'll pass. [Muttering] God, will this light ever change?!
Hot dog man: Eat me, eat me, eat me!
Wrigley Field
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Cubs Fan
Categories: Creepsters | Getting off | Illinois | Posted 2007-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Republican National Convention Is This Month
Woman to small child: Oh, yes, Satan is very busy. He's, uh... He's... Yeah, he's veeery busy.
Target
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Evil | Lies | Moms | Posted 2007-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Either That or Drown the Baby When You're Not Looking
Little girl to mom bending over stroller: Fine, to make you happy I'll dress up in my little baby clothes so you'll pay attention to me.
Panera Bread
Lewisville, Texas
Categories: Gripes | Should have used a condom | Texas | Posted 2007-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Let's Test It Empirically to Be Sure?
Drunk coed: Is it possible to drown in a pool when you are drunk? I mean, with all that alcohol wouldn't you just float to the top?
Friend #1: Um, duh -- yeah, you can drown.
Friend #2: You're probably going to drown.
Frat party
Dallas, Texas
That Good? Count Me In!
Annoying mom: Is smoking good or bad?
Five-year-old son: It's bad.
Annoying mom: That's right. And how bad is it? It's like eating everything at the top of the food pyramid.
Clinic lobby
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: joe the xrayguy
Gay Passerby: Wait, Now I'm Offended.
Native American woman to lady dressed as Indian: I find your costume very offensive.
Lady dressed as Indian: No... But I'm part of the Village People [points to girls dressed as cop and construction worker].
Native American woman, after long pause: Oh, well, that's okay, then.
Calgary Stampede
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
NewsFlash: Drive-By Insults on the Rise in Canadia
Crazy hobo: You have pretty hair, unlike mine. My hair is ugly. You're ugly, too. [Chick stares.] I gotta go steal some DVDs now. Bye, ladies!
Downtown Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: At least he was honest
Categories: Canadia | Hobos | Insults | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2007-11-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Latter-Day Shit Just Doesn't Cut It
Mormon guy: Some of my fondest childhood memories are of my dad beating the shit out of people.
Salt Lake City Airport
Utah
Overheard by: PartyByNight
Categories: Guys | Memory lane | Utah | Posted 2007-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shark: Hello, Sailors!
Dude: Hey, let's go find a shark and piss on it!
Navy Pier
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Sean
Or Just Use Them to Lash Insolent Tourists?
Bimbette tourist: Oh, right, yeah -- I need to find some belts. Do Chinese people wear belts?
Hong Kong, China
Overheard by: Kim
I'm Just Trying to Understand Jerry Falwell's Appeal
Chick walking with a bunch of guys: Wait, did he have a scrotum chin?
Allston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: mt
Categories: Chicks | Massachusetts | Questions | Posted 2007-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
See, This Is Why I Went into Teaching
Witty history teacher: So, kids, not only does the money look minty and refreshing, it tastes good, too!
Teen girl: Oh my god, really?!
US Mint
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Bimbettes | Lies | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Posted 2007-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Going Somewhere with This, Prof?
Professor: Who can tell me the difference between a birch tree and a beech tree?
Student: A beech tree's got lighter bark.
Professor: But otherwise there's no difference?
Student: I dunno 'bout the leaves or anything, but when you buy furniture from IKEA, beech wood's always lighter.
Professor: But could you identify a birch tree from a beech tree if you saw one on campus?
Student: If I cut it down, maybe.
Shout-out: overheardatstanford.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Education | Overheard at Stanford | Questions | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's More Like Gangsta Lite
Eight-year-old girl #1 tying scarf around head: We're going to look like gangstas!
Eight-year-old girl #2: Like what?
Eight-year-old girl #1: Like gangstas!
Eight-year-old girl #2: What's a gangsta?
Eight-year-old girl #1: It's a gangster.
Eight-year-old girl #2: Oh.
Eight-year-old girl #1: Like the Jets.
Eight-year-old girl #2, suddenly understanding: Ohhh, okay!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: I think they paid a little too much attention to west side story
Categories: Kids | Overheard in Minneapolis | Words | Posted 2007-11-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Even Hallucinations Need Veterinary Care
Hobo holding up stuffed glove: ... And now the mitten is having babies... And the liquid is starting to come out...
Ashland, Oregon
Overheard by: Karrie
Even Made-Up Countries, Like Norway.
Teen girl: I don't know -- it just seems like everyone's in the Olympics now.
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: snooper
Categories: Canadia | Philosophy | Teens | Posted 2007-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Republican National Convention Is No Exception
Cop: It's not a party 'til the shirts come off.
Hilton Hotel
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Neon
Categories: Cops | Massachusetts | Philosophy | Posted 2007-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If So, Have I Got the Portable Fainting Couch for You!
Loud lady to friend: So, have you fallen down in any more parking lots this summer?
Panera Bread
White Marsh, Maryland
Overheard by: just eatin my lunch
Categories: Ladies who lunch | Maryland | Questions | Posted 2007-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, Shut the Fuck Up
Guy to room: If I'm a feminist, do I have to hate men?
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: imnotinmedskool
Only a Limited Number Of Lives Are Available in Vermont
Teacher, reading paper by student #1: 'I'm not living my life yet.' Then whose life are you living?
Student #1, pointing to student #2: His.
Mount Abraham Union High School
Bristol, Vermont
I Hereby Declare All Problems Solved!
Drunk girl: Tunisia is a place in Africa. They have lots of problems in Africa... And I'm going to fix them! [Falls down.]
Mount Holyoke College
South Hadley, Massachusetts
Categories: Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Drunks | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Rule Is Just for Ugly People, Right?
RA: Does anyone else have a question?
Freshman girl: Yeah, can we park overnight in the parking garage that has the 'No overnight parking' sign in front of it?
University of Central Florida
Florida
Overheard by: Christa
But in a Nice Way
Nun: I just keep hoping that our governor gets assassinated.
Bradley International Airport
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Nuns | Violence | Posted 2007-11-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're a Very Smart and Talented Individual.
Hot nerd chick: So, I didn't sleep with him. He was just too attractive -- I'd feel self-conscious.
Friend: But hot girls sleep with ugly guys all the time! It's your duty to even the score.
Hot nerd chick: Yeah... Wait, you think I'm ugly?
Joplin, Missouri
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Missouri | Philosophy | Posted 2007-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Lucky We're Letting You Breathe Heavily
Little boy: I don't wanna walk any more.
Father: No talking when we're on vacation!
Michigan Avenue and East Hubbard
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Thad
At Least, Last Time I Dug Up Her Grave and Checked...
Guy: Man, it's hotter than my mother-in-law back in '79. She's not hot no more.
Harvest Foods
Little Rock, Arkansas
Which End Is He Interested In?
Cute lab tech guy: So, to take a stool sample, take this stick and smear it in here.
Hot girl patient: I have to smush it?
Cute lab tech guy: Yep, like that. So, do you have a boyfriend?
Park Nicolette Clinic
St. Louis Park, Minnesota
Categories: Creepsters | Minnesota | Poop | Posted 2007-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Crying Is My Cardio
Girl #1, in lunch line: What's wrong with him?
Girl #2: I mean, he seems like a really nice guy... And I'm not into nice guys.
Yale University
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: Chicks | Connecticut | Relationships | Posted 2007-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, Her Kids Mend All Her Fishnets
Chick: So, how is the roommate situation?
Dude: It's annoying that she is drunk all of the time. She keeps locking herself out or bringing home random guys.
Chick: Amazing that she still finds the time to be a preschool teacher.
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: state worker
Categories: California | Friends | Gossip | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2007-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Did She Swallow That?
Sophomore guy #1: She got pissy that I didn't want to talk to her anymore.
Sophomore guy #2: What did you do?
Sophomore guy #1: I told her, 'I have pressing GPA issues to worry about and can't be concerned with whether or not you are going to be giving me head.'
Dartmouth College
Hanover, New Hampshire
Overheard by: steph
Categories: Gossip | New Hampshire | Students | Posted 2007-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, Those Little Heads Are Kind of Creepy
Mother to child: You seem to be on a mission today to decapitate my toes.
Crowded LUAS tram
Dublin
Ireland
Categories: Body parts | Ireland | Moms | Posted 2007-11-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everyone Knows after the First Trimester, You Move on to Goat Enzymes
Cashier #1: So, do you think Ms. Rachel is pregnant, like Missy said?
Cashier #2: No, Missy is always so full of it.
Cashier #1: Yeah, that's what I thought. I mean, if Ms. Rachel was pregnant, she wouldn't be messing around with pig's blood still.
Target
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: In agreement, although disturbed
Just Aphasic
Boy #1 to girl as he throws wad of paper: Hey, heads up!
Boy #2: Whoa! She actually caught it!
Girl, shooting proud look at them: Yeah! Duh -- I'm not illiterate.
Chemistry class
Friendswood, Texas
The Bitch Kept Inking Us
Chick: So, are you still trying to work out how to put a G-string on an octopus?
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Animals | Chicks | Overheard in Melbourne's Journal | Questions | Undies | Posted 2007-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"You're the Worst Math Tutor Ever," I Said.
Marine #1: So, how was it?
Marine #2: Crazy. She wanted me to take a shit in her pussy. That's fucking weird, man.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Soundbite Lover
Categories: California | Kink | Military | Poop | Vagina | Posted 2007-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Life in Oklahoma's Impossible without Willful Ignorance
Mom #1: Well, you are blonde, you know!
Mom #2: Yeah, well, I'm not blonde everywhere!
Mom #1: Well, I don't know how that works...
Panera Bread
Norman, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Freelance Mama
Oliver Tanks Another Job Interview
Burly male student: I hope they're okay with my nudity. I'm pretty sure I'm nude about 25 percent of the time.
University Student Center
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Bragging | Massachusetts | Students | Posted 2007-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Are the Odds This Boy Will Be Able to Have a Meaningful Relationship with a Woman?
Son: Mom, I'm hungry.
Mom: Well, honey, I have some food left in my stomach from this morning. If you want, I could throw it up for you? That's how much I love you.
Rome, Italy
Overheard by: naz
Even Better Than Peeing on the Parsley
Very serious little boy: I just love the grocery store bathroom.
Confused mom: Why? What's so great about it?
Little boy, wistfully: It's just so peaceful...
Kaiser
Saratoga, California
Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl
Categories: California | Happiness | Kids | Moms | Posted 2007-11-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Why I Hired a Poo-Catcher.
Female cashier on cell while ringing up items: Of course I wash my hands after I go to the bathroom! [Long pause, then smirks flirtatiously.] Ew, Jonathon! [Lowers voice] I don't do that to myself -- especially not into my hands...
Staples
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: very amused
Categories: New York | On the phone | Sex | Posted 2007-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shuttling. Duh.
Teen girl to receptionist: Where's your giant cock gone?!
Badminton hall
New Zealand
Categories: New Zealand | Questions | Teens | Posted 2007-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can I Be You?
Booth babe: So, you spent your day answering questions about free software, and you're going to spend your night answering questions about -- what -- genital warts?
LinuxWorld Expo
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Just don't confuse the two
Categories: Chicks | Questions | San Francisco | Posted 2007-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's a Judgment -- I Asked for Your Perception
Ironman contestant's wife at mile 10 of the run leg: Honey, how are you feeling?
Ironman contestant: This was a stupid idea!
Vineman Ironman triathlon
Santa Rosa, California
Categories: California | Couples | Questions | Posted 2007-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Public Safety Officers Are Creepier Than Others
Skinny guy in tank top showing girl some crumpled mugshot: Have you seen this man before?
Girl on treadmill: Ummm, no?
Skinny guy: Well, he's a rapist, and he's at large. So if you see him, or if you get scared at night, just give me a call [hands her a phone number].
Gym
Cary, North Carolina
Categories: Advice | Creepsters | North Carolina | Posted 2007-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Does It Take to Get Kids to Eat Vegetables Nowadays?
Man on cell: Maybe if I painted it white and drew a filter on it, she'd let me put it in her mouth.
Leavenworth, Kansas
Overheard by: Mark Smith
Categories: Kansas | On the phone | Philosophy | Posted 2007-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Disneyland Really Is More for the Kids
Mid-50s man: Is this another parade, Barbara?
Wife: Yeah.
Mid-50s man: Aw, shit.
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Categories: California | Couples | Gripes | Posted 2007-11-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From the Trailer for Revenge of the Dairy Fairy
Punk walking down dairy aisle: Dude, don't say that here...
Friend: What? Am I gonna offend the cheese?
Safeway
Winnipeg
Canadia
Overheard by: Roosebeck
The Secret Is to Keep Moving Fast
Teen girl #1: So what you're saying is, when I fart I'm smelling my own shit-smell?
Teen girl #2: Exactly. That's how it works.
Teen girl #1: That's nasty. I can't believe people do that all day!
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Sass
Categories: Burping & farting | Canadia | Teens | Posted 2007-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wasn't That the Hairstyle of the Huns?
Girl: I hate faux-hawks. I can't believe they're coming back in style. They're the worst hairstyle ever.
Mother: I think mullets are the worst hairstyle ever.
Girl: At least mullets are honest!
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: J
That Was the Extra Credit on Your Math Test?
Hyper girl: Hey, I'm just really happy that I could identify Joe Pesci's forehead!
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Mevans
Categories: About celebrities | Arizona | Chicks | Posted 2007-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Portrait of a Man Whose Wife No Longer Wants Him
Little girl, after fireworks: Was that magic, Daddy?
Father: There's no such thing as magic.
Magic Kingdom, Disney World
Florida
Overheard by: Emily.
Draw Your Weapon First
Dude to older lady: What do you mean, you don't know what a hooker is? [To security guard] Hey, tell my mother what a hooker is.
Kroger
Columbus, Ohio
Categories: Creepsters | Ohio | Words | Posted 2007-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's the Satanism
Guy: Yeah, so Boyd Rice--
Blonde punk: --Your obsession with Boyd Rice is just as bad as my obsession with Richard Simmons.
Guy: Yeah, pretty much.
Wendy's
Round Rock, Texas
Categories: Friends | Pop culture | Texas | Posted 2007-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Patricia's Been Itchy and Flaky All Week
Girl #1: Don't sit on Lucy, the moose pillow!
Girl #2: You name your pillow?
Guy: That's okay, I name lots of things. The cyst on my neck's name is Doug.
Girls #1 and #2: Um...
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Maureen
Perhaps It's Trying to Escape
Nerd: Someone has the same couch from IKEA as I do... And they have abandoned it in the street!
Amsterdam
Netherlands
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Gripes | Netherlands | Posted 2007-11-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Only "What's Wrong with You?" Will Do
Spanish chick: Hey, you were in Auschwitz?
English guy: Yeah.
Spanish chick: Was it any fun?
English guy: Uhhh, I wouldn't say that.
Spanish chick: Yeah, I know, I know... But was it cool?
English guy: Well... Hmmm...
Poland
Guy Named Hitler
Dude #1: Hey! Hey! Did you hear? They caught that person who killed those two people!
Dude #2: What?
Dude #1: They caught that person who killed those two people. Or they arrested him, I'm not sure.
Dude #2: Who?
Dude #1: I don't know. I saw it on TV.
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Rachel
Categories: Gossip | Idiots | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Until the Lightbulb Broke
Girl #1: We were having fun!
Girl #2: You're sodomizing that poor boy!
Girl #1: That's how we played! He loved that game!
Starbucks
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: hannah
Like I Said
Crazy old lady in bathrobe yelling to herself: Fuuuck you!
Drunk hobo: It's all in your head, lady.
Crazy old lady: No, it's not -- it's all in my asshole!
Boulder, Colorado
Categories: Body parts | Colorado | Crazies | Posted 2007-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Gonna Pull-Start Him Like a Lawnmower
Hot Asian chick #1: The passion party was so fun -- you guys should've gone.
Hot Asian chick #2: Oh my god! I wish I would've known about it. Did they have the Jack Rabbit?
Hot Asian chick #3: Yeah -- and, like, oils and stuff?
Hot Asian chick #2: Forget that! Did they have anal beads?! [Sighs and glances over at her boyfriend] Our sex life has really gotten boring...
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: looking for the cameras
What Have You Been Doing?
20-something: Alright! Smells like booze on the plane.
Overprotective mom: No, that's just my hand sanitizer.
Flight to Buffalo, New York
Categories: Airports & flights | Kids | Lies | Moms | New York | Posted 2007-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Haunting Image: John McCain in Assless Chaps
Intern girl #1: Bet McCain's into S&M.
Intern girl #2: I can see that.
Intern girl #1: Ever see the veins in McCain's head? They throb all day. I had a boyfriend like that.
Intern girl #2: Did he want to smack you around?
Intern girl #1: He wanted me to smack him around.
Intern girl #2 Did you?
Intern girl #1: Psh. I am sooo not maternal.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Chicks | Eavesdrop DC | Gossip | Posted 2007-11-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Should We High-Five?
Chick to friend, pointing at a building: That's where I killed my baby!
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Up from Zero
Teen boy #1: Dude, you enlarged your penis with that thing?!
Teen boy #2: Yeah, like five inches.
Washington, DC
Categories: Penis | Teens | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Psh, Would Quasimodo Give Up His Hump?
Mom to daughter: All I'm saying is, it would really help get rid of your fat and your pimples.
Mount Vernon
Alexandria, Virginia
Overheard by: mm2105
Categories: Advice | Health & Hygiene | Moms | Virginia | Posted 2007-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Think They Know That
College girl: I'm taking this online Arabic course... Did you know their alphabet is just all, like, smiley faces?
Providence, Rhode Island
Categories: Bimbettes | Language barrier | Rhode Island | Posted 2007-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait! Have You Accepted Him As Your Personal Savior?
Dude: So, you're from Austria, huh?
Austrian foreign student: Yes.
Dude: So, like, kangaroos and shit?
Austrian foreign student: No, that's Australia. Austria's in Europe.
Dude: Oh, like Sound of Music?
Austrian foreign student: Yes.
Dude: Like Lederhosen! Fahrvergnügen! Schwarzenegger!
Austrian foreign student: Yes.
Dude: So, do you believe in Hitler? [Austrian walks off.]
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Idiots | Massachusetts | Questions | Stupidity | Posted 2007-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, I Am Not a Republican!
Angry guy on cell: Billy, I have one word for you -- fucking piece of shit!
Sterling, Virginia
Categories: On the phone | Virginia | Words | Posted 2007-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Isn't It a Little Soon to Start Competing with Her?
Overtired mom, after seeing infant fail to grasp something: See? Their reflexes suck. That's why babies don't drive cars.
Stunned husband: Uh, that and they can't see over the steering wheel.
Wellsboro, Pennsylvania
Categories: Gripes | Parents | Pennsylvania | Stupidity | Posted 2007-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Recent Years, Mr. Rove's Tastes Had Changed
Bra-less woman in tight pink polo shirt, to boyfriend: I asked Carl what his new girlfriend looked like, and he didn't even hesitate -- he just said, 'Shrek'!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: stephanie
Categories: Beauty | Chicks | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2007-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Went on to Become the Nicest Lawyer in Missouri
Girlfriend: Awww, I like this. We should get it.
Boyfriend: What? What 'we'?! I told you, I'm breaking up with you on Monday.
Girlfriend: I know. I mean, I thought you were kidding...
Boyfriend: No! Now that the bar exam is over, I can break up with you and not feel bad about it. Now that the bar is over, I can break up with you and not worry about you failing and me feeling guilty.
Girlfriend: Oh.
Bluestem Crafts
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Kelsey
Categories: Couples | Jerks | Missouri | Relationships | Posted 2007-11-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When It Starts Puffing a Cigarette and Calling You "American Pig"
New girl: How do I know when the French toast is done?
Supervisor, annoyed: When it looks like French toast.
University of California-San Diego dining hall
California
Overheard by: blaird
Categories: California | Employees | Food | Questions | Posted 2007-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Who Did Your Tits?
Customer: I'm so sorry about the mess I left in the dressing room -- I just had to be sure I loved what I was buying for the big day!
Sales associate: No problem. A girl only gets married once, right?
Customer: Actually, this is my second marriage... What kind of bra are you wearing?
Dillard's
Denton, Texas
And Why's Her Brother Waving Happily from the Pool?
Drunk girl: Hey. Hey! Everyone be quiet for a second -- I want to make a toast. I just want to remind everyone why we're here, and that's because my brother finally shit successfully.
Drunk guy: What the fuck did she just say?
House party
Holbrook, New York
Overheard by: pc
They've Gotta Be Fresh, Though
30-something woman, crossing street in front of Sushi.Com restaurant: Sushi and cum, my two favorite things to eat!
Male companion: That's my girl!
Ann Arbor, Michigan
She Was Just Very Much in Love. With Crack.
Girl #1, about friend arrested for crack-whoring: She said she was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Girl #2: Yeah, right! You don't weigh 85 pounds and have chlamydia because you were in the wrong place at the wrong time!
Hallowell, Maine
Overheard by: smiling widely
Things Are Very Different in California
Sobbing child: It's not fair! That's mine!
Little bully: So what? Don't cry about it. You're being so dumb.
Sobbing child: I'm upset! It's okay for me to cry sometimes!
Preschool
Santa Barbara, California
Categories: California | Kids | Philosophy | Posted 2007-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Just Want to Be Close to Somebody Who'll Leave Me Alone
Chick: ... So then he started talking about feelings and stuff, and how we only have sex and we never talk anymore! [Friend nods.] Like, sometimes after we do it he tries to cuddle with me, and all I can think about is, 'Damn, I really just want to sleep...' So, do I break up with him?
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Biotechs | Overheard at McGill | Relationships | Posted 2007-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
PBS Will Try Anything to Get Funding Nowadays
Girl: Think about it -- when a Sesame Street character gives a BJ, not only are you getting oral, but you're getting a hand-job, too.
Millersville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: David James
Categories: BJs | Chicks | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-11-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Be Outside with a Camcorder
Dude on cell: Okay, here's what you do -- invite everyone over, fill the sprinkler systems with paint, and then just see what happens!
Mimi's Café
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: MF Orange Slice
Categories: Advice | Florida | On the phone | Posted 2007-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Certainly Could...
Chick #1: But you know, a lot of the things written in the Bible did come true.
Chick #2: Oh, that's a bullshit argument: I can say that Nosferatu's prophecies also came true!
The Laughing Goat
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: the french Draculla
Categories: Chicks | Colorado | Philosophy | Posted 2007-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Passion for Wind Instruments Is Rare in One So Young
Small child: Mmm! Oooh! Mmm! Mommy, that feels good when it comes out!
Mother, whispering: Shut up.
Restroom, Tanglewood
Lenox, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Stephanie
Categories: Happiness | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Posted 2007-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just to Be Sure, I'm Gonna Let Her Froth a Little Longer
Girl on cell: She's either completely wasted or having a diabetic attack, I'm not sure.
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Health & Hygiene | On the phone | Posted 2007-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Although I Do Like the Nightlife
Queer, when Bible-thumping lady splashes him with holy water: I'm a faggot, not a vampire. There's a difference.
San Luis Obispo Gay Pride Festival
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Rish
Categories: California | Gossip | Queers | San Francisco | Posted 2007-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only a Bunch of Stories That Strain Credulity
Woman: How was church? Did you learn anything in Sunday school?
Girl: No.
Cracker Barrel restroom
Virginia
Okay. Now Pretend You Think We Think That.
Blonde to parents: Pretend I'm smarter than you think I am.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: she really is
Categories: Advice | Bimbettes | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Phone Number in Blood on My Mirror? Genius!
Suit: You are so good at stalking.
20-ish chick: Thank you so much! [Shakes his hand.]
Suit: Keep up the good work.
Dupont Circle
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Steve
Categories: Compliments | Suits | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Canadia, Who Would Even Know?
Chick #1: I'm ugly.
Chick #2: What?
Chick #1: I am ugly.
Chick #2: Who told you?!
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: Library Girl
Um, Which Other Parts Would It Be Okay to Comment On?
Guy to girl dancing on street corner: Shake that ass, girl!
Girl: Thank you!
Guy: Sorry, I'm being an asshole.
Girl: It's okay -- I got the goods!
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Ass | Compliments | Illinois | Strangers | Posted 2007-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After That, It's Just a Montage of Scenes from White Men Can't Jump
Chick: No, I don't remember that.
Dude: I remember you grabbing my balls...
Parking lot
Santa Barbara, California
Overheard by: Z
Categories: Balls | California | Friends | Posted 2007-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jeremy Discovered His Imagination an Hour Later
High school student #1: Sir, what movie are we going to be watching?
Teacher: Well, until we get the VCR fixed, we'll be watching dead air.
High school student #2: What year was that movie made, sir?
Bus
Windsor, Ontario
Canadia
But It's British -- They Have No Future
Middle-aged woman: No, I haven't read Harry Potter. I'm not really into all that futuristic stuff.
Saratoga Springs, New York
Categories: Bimbettes | New York | Pop culture | Posted 2007-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Now It's Dying
Toddler in stroller: I need to pee!
Mom: We just peed on the tree.
Davis, California
Categories: California | Kids | Moms | Pee | Posted 2007-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Day Our Latin Teacher Just Lost It
Yeller: I brought you peanuts and toilet paper as a peace offering, and what did you bring me? Nothing! You brought me nothing! What does that say about our relationship?!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: michael
Categories: Crazies | Gifts | Gripes | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2007-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When You Work for the City, You Take What Fun You Can Get
India-Indian conductor: We will need to stand by in just a few minutes for some maintenance work. We're having some problems with the brakes, and they will need to be checked... Actually, they're really not working... At all. [Everyone exchanges looks when doors instantly close and train pulls out of station, rounding the next corner at high speed.]
Chicago El, Brown Line
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Comforting words
Categories: Conductors | Illinois | Threats | Posted 2007-11-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not 'til You Finish Your Hot Fudge Sundae
Four-year-old boy: Dad, for dessert can I have sugar?
Cocoa's Diner
Hershey, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Gette
Categories: Food | Kids | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When You Can Drink the Hot Dog Water, Grasshopper...
Intellectual girl: Ugh, water and chocolate do not mix.
Bimbette hipster: Yeah, and neither do hot dogs!
Danville Area Community College
Danville, Illinois
Overheard by: Can't hear this anywhere else but Danville
As Long As You Don't Ew My Goo
Chick #1, about grape Vitamin Water: Ewww! You're actually going to drink pink water?
Chick #2: Hey, man, don't yuck my yum!
Beat Book Store
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: tell it like it is
But I Can't Stop Doing It
WASP lady: I bought this ring here and it really smells. Every time I put my hand up to my face it makes me want to vomit.
Jewelry shop
Alexandria, Virginia
Categories: Bimbettes | Health & Hygiene | Virginia | Posted 2007-11-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Losing Control --Too... Many... Stereotypes...
Guy: Nah, Ed, you can't ever be creepy -- you're Asian.
Ed, indignantly: Dude!
Guy: I mean, unless you're a ninja--
Passerby: --With a sword!
Algonquin Conference Center
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Tonight? Sure, Why Not?
Dude on cell: I was so excited we got new washers in the dorm laundry room... I know! You can wash, like, an entire homeless person in those!
University of North Texas
Denton, Texas
Overheard by: Big Rob
Oh Honey, Nobody's Buying Middle-Aged White Guys
Queer answering cell: Jesus Christ, where have you been? I thought you were sold into the sexual slave trade!
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: The Megster
I'm Not Sure That Belongs on Our Meeting Agenda, Ted
Dude: In grade school I would always pretend that there was someone chasing me when we had to get timed for the sprint. I thought it would make me run faster. It didn't.
Wausau, Wisconsin
Ancient Order of Hibernians: Doh!
Chick: You see that banner? Okay, well, you see at the bottom where it says, 'Friendship, Unity, Christian charity'? Now, I can spell, but I still think that they should reconsider their title when the acronym turns out to be F-U-C-C... Oh, come on, I can't be the only one who finds that funny.
Connecticut
Overheard by: L. M.
Categories: Chicks | Connecticut | Words | Posted 2007-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And My Kidneys Start Back Up
Princess #1: Oh my god, I have that top in, like, three colors.
Princess #2: Yeah, me, too.
Princess #1: You wanna get some lunch or something?
Princess #2: I can't. When I eat I get bloated.
Broadway Shopping Centre
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Ms Dash
Categories: Australia | Bimbettes | Diet & weight | Posted 2007-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Could You Be More Specific?
Girl: Is there anything on my ass? You're a girl. You look and see and tell me. Oh my god, is there anything on my ass?!
San Francisco, California
Categories: Ass | Chicks | San Francisco | Posted 2007-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mrs. Nietzsche Was Tough on Little Friedrich
Biking mom to obviously struggling son: Why are you so weak?
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: also struggling
Categories: Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2007-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You'll Forgive Us for Being Skeptical, Ms Winehouse
Out-patient guy: I am totally embracing this program with both feet first.
Rehab
Parsippany, New Jersey
Overheard by: Mary Beth
Categories: Body parts | Crazies | New Jersey | Posted 2007-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Both Make You Slightly Ill -- You'll Feel Right at Home
American guy: So, how do you like the states?
British guy: You know, I've yet to try a Twinkie.
American guy: Really?
British guy: Yeah, or a Ding Dong... Are those similar?
Boston University
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: twinkie lover
Categories: Food | Foreigners | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Look Delicious
Mom, looking at pot belly hog: Look, this pig is so fat and lazy that it just lays there all day.
Chubby tween son: Yeah, just like me.
Mom, laughing nervously and glancing around: Come on, honey, don't say that. You're nothing like it.
Chubby tween son: Yes, I am, Mom. I'm serious. Don't you see? It's like looking in the mirror.
Donaldson Park Petting Zoo
Highland Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: beginning to see the resemblance
Categories: Diet & weight | Insults | Kids | New Jersey | Posted 2007-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Resist, Brothers, with Your Last Bit of Strength!
Kid: Reading isn't natural.
Taco Del Mar
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: with a friend, listening to her kid talk with another kid
Categories: Philosophy | Should have used a condom | Washington | Posted 2007-11-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Difference between Men and Women
Hippie chick on cell: ... So then I realized that's just how she is and I need to honor that.
Guy passerby: Just get it over with and call her a bitch already!
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: melissa
Categories: Advice | Hippies | San Francisco | Posted 2007-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hard As a Rock -- and I Owe It All to You, Buddy!
Suburbanite man #1, waving: Hey, John!
Suburbanite man #2, excitedly shaking guy's hand: Hey! How's your concrete?!
Cedarburg Strawberry Festival
Cedarburg, Wisconsin
Probably the Best Way to Play Showtunes
American tween boy, about show tune blaring through iPod earphones: I can play this on my armpit.
Heathrow Airport
London
England
The Castration Can't Have Helped Any of That
Woman #1: I think my new cat is different.
Woman #2: What do you mean by different?
Woman #1: I'm pretty sure he's metro-sexual, because he meows like a girl.
Woman #2: It could be worse.
Woman #1: Well, I don't know -- I'm fairly sure he has abandonment issues, too.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Animals | Ladies who lunch | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Of Course, They Also Don't Sleep with You
Lesbian: True friends don't believe you have STDs!
Energy-Alternative club
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Christine
Categories: Lesbos | Rhode Island | STDs | Posted 2007-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And There's Been a Dead Body on Our Stoop...
Tired suit #1: I think my mail guy is dead.
Tired suit #2: Yeah?
Tired suit #1: Yeah. I remember he was kinda sick and he was always drunk. Then he just stopped showing up.
Union Station
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Lauren
Categories: Death & dying | Gossip | Illinois | Suits | Posted 2007-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Maybe Some Insulin for Later
College girl: Cookies and beer -- that's all I need in life.
Heathrow Airport
London
England
Overheard by: Spencer
Categories: Chicks | Drinking & drunks | England | Food | Posted 2007-11-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nearly Impossible to Discuss One without Bringing Up the Other
Hot girl: It's great to go out with new people. My friends and I are in a conversation slump -- we realized that all our conversations ended up in stories about drugs or sex, so we said, 'Let's be normal, you know, and talk about women and football!' So we ended up talking about all the transvestites we know and about synchronized swimming.
Bar 13
São Paulo
Brazil
I'm Just Friends with It
Mom: Do you remember what the name of this river is, Billy?
Son: Is it the Platonic River?
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Keith
Categories: Kids | Moms | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Secretary of State Rice Has a Lot of Bad Days
Girl on phone with boyfriend: I'm in such a bad mood, I don't even know! When I get home, you better not have a smile on your face or I will slap yo' ass. Misery loves company up in here, bitch!
Williamsburg, Virginia
Overheard by: C. Barreto
Categories: Gripes | On the phone | Virginia | Posted 2007-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Bad Things All Start Out Innocently Enough
Guy: Dude, I'll hook you up. My wife is hot, but her friends are hotter.
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Take Nicole Richie
Chick #1: Did you watch America's Got Talent?
Chick #2: No.
Chick #1: There was this saxophone guy who was totally on crack or something.
Chick #2: Everybody on crack thinks they have talent.
Florida Mall
Orlando, Florida
Grandma Brought Me the Wrong Bag Lunch
Chick: I got, like, suspended three times in five days.
Coworker: I only got suspended once, but that was just 'cause I cut this bitch with a razor.
Chick, to customer: Thank you, sir.
McDonald's
Dunwoody, Georgia
Overheard by: blur
He's Very Critical for a Schnauzer
Guy on cell: No way -- I left my dog in the car. I don't perform in front of animals!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: sara
Categories: Animals | On the phone | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Want to End Up on the Internet?
Boy #1: I'd never want to be a gynecologist. You'd get so sick of that you'd never want to see one.
Boy #2: Gynos put Vicks under their nose so they don't have to smell it all day.
Boy #3: You are both nasty.
Boy #4: Stop this conversation. My mom is is the next room.
New Jersey
Categories: Guys | Jobs & Careers | New Jersey | Posted 2007-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless It Happens to Someone Else
Hipster: Anal leakage is never funny.
Charleston, South Carolina
Overheard by: Katie
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Hipsters | South Carolina | Posted 2007-11-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There Are Black People in Wisconsin?
Black party hostess: So, are there any black people in Nevada?
Drunk white hippie girl from Nevada: No! But we might as well be black, because we're so uneducated and everything, you know? [Room, full of black professionals, explodes with laughter.]
Black suit: I need a very dry martini right now.
Gregory Street
Madison, Wisconsin
Categories: Black people | Race | Whiteys | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Always Sucked at Bird Math
Dude: I was going to say, 'Kill one bird with two stones,' but that's not right. That's just stoning a bird.
Memorial Park
Lebanon, Indiana
Overheard by: Carie Jones
For Those Who Think Dickens Was Melodramatic
Disgruntled mother: If I catch you biting your nails again, I am going to cut off your hair in your sleep.
Gloucester Road
London
England
Overheard by: Never want to have children
It's Like a Drug-Free Acid Trip
Suit: I always enjoy going to Comic-Con because of the midgets in costumes.
Dulles Airport
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Becka
Categories: Leisure | Suits | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Poor Cat Needs Something to Poop On
Queer: ... And I was like, 'Honey, it's not like I have a subscription to Town and Country to look at the dresses!'
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
"... And I Think My Back Is Broken"
Freshman girl: I guess I always thought the perfect man would just fall from the sky and say, 'Hi, I'm your husband!'
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: the jankster
Categories: Bimbettes | Overheard at Cornell | Philosophy | Posted 2007-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Once You Have Kids, Santa Loses All Respect for You
Crazy, bearded old man: Have you seen Bobby lately?
Ohio state trooper: No. His wife just had a baby, so he's on leave for a while.
Crazy, bearded old man: Well, the next time you see him, tell him Santa Claus says [blows a raspberry].
Goshen, Ohio
Overheard by: Michael
Masks the Vomit Nicely
Girl: The combination of your cologne and cigarette smoke is really sexy.
Guy: What about the whiskey on my breath?
State Street
Madison, Wisconsin
Categories: Chicks | Compliments | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-11-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Your Secret AudioAnimatronic Friend
Little boy whispering to old lady: Are you my secret friend?
Disney World
Florida
Overheard by: sara aliza
Now Available in Pineapple Pus and Sore Apple
20-something to boyfriend: He was like syphilis on a stick!
Omaha, Nebraska
Using Implements No Man Can Match
Hot chick #1: I just cannot get off during sex.
Hot chick #2: That's because you masturbate too much.
Hot chick #1: Oh.
Lebanese Taverna
Washington, DC
Categories: Chicks | Masturbation | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unfriendly Bug Spirits Are the Worst
Tween boy: Can you imagine what it would be like to spend the night here? All the unfriendly spirits...
Teen girl, horrified: And, bugs!
Alcatraz Island
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Casper the Friendly Roach
Categories: Insects | San Francisco | Teens | Posted 2007-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And They're Useless Against Alligators
Two-year-old boy, admiring his hands instead of the alligators: Look, Dad -- look at my nails!
Grimacing father: Yes, yes... Your mother is to blame for that.
Atlanta Zoo
Georgia
Categories: Dads | Georgia | Health & Hygiene | Kids | Posted 2007-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Really Attractive Drag Queens Tend to Have That Effect
Man: My scrotum is so confused!
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Chelsea
Don't They Chafe Your Knees?
Buxom girl wearing strapless dress with no bra: I feel like my tits are really low. Do they look really low?
Van Housen Hall, Potsdam College
Potsdam, New York
Overheard by: minibab
The Only Difference between Heaven and Hell
Old lady on cell in crowded train: Yes, I'm here in a sardine tin, but everyone is really nice...
Tel-Aviv
Israel
Overheard by: claustrophobic
Categories: Happiness | Israel | Old folks | On the phone | Posted 2007-11-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook