Celebritywit

October 2007 Archives

Or Just Go Ahead and Freak Ou t-- Might Be Fun

Girl #1: If I see one more blonde girl, I am going to freak out.
Girl #2: You know what you should do? Move to Africa.

Hartford, Connecticut


Categories: Advice | Chicks | Connecticut | Posted 2007-10-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Try Pissing Up a Rope, Then

Four-year-old boy: But Mommy, I don't need gravity! I just had to pee!

New Jersey


Categories: Kids | New Jersey | Pee | Posted 2007-10-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That's My Upper Lip, Sweetie

Three-year-old boy: Mum, where is your vagina?
Mum: Tom, you know where it is...
Three-year-old boy: Ohhh, is that it, under all that hair?

Ladies' room
Melbourne
Australia


Overheard by: Anna


Categories: Australia | Questions | Should have used a condom | Vagina | Posted 2007-10-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Gonna Cost Us to Get Out of It Alive

Angry kid: Mom! I don't want to go shopping!
Mom: We are not shopping -- we are on an adventure!

Oshkosh, Wisconsin

Overheard by: I love adventures


Categories: Kids | Lies | Moms | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-10-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Stalking Tip: A Smart Pocket Dress Can Hide Your Huge Man Hands

Chick #1: So, I have to quit my job because a transvestite is stalking me.
Chick #2: Are they hitting on you?
Chick #1: Nope, just stalking.

Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com

Overheard by: a classmate


Categories: Chicks | Gripes | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-10-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Why Child Psychologists Exist

Mom singing to two small boys and a baby in stroller: One, two, three, four! We're going to the panty store! We're going to the panty store! We're going to the panty store!

Victoria's Secret
Winchester, Virginia


Overheard by: Joanna


Categories: Moms | Shopping | Singing | Virginia | Posted 2007-10-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You, Missy, Are No Alcoholic!

Friend #1: It just gets yummier as you go from one shot glass to the next.
Friend #2: Which side do you start from?
Friend #1: It doesn't matter.
Friend #2: ... That doesn't make sense.

Plano, Texas


Categories: Drinking & drunks | Friends | Texas | Posted 2007-10-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Didn't Do the Reading, Did You?

Religion professor: Why did Jesus die?
Student: Loss of blood?

College of Charleston
South Carolina


Categories: Jesus | South Carolina | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-10-31 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I've Successfully Eliminated It

Son: I just don't understand it.
Father: That's because you have no imagination.

Foothills Mall
Fort Collins, Colorado


Overheard by: Tempus


Categories: Colorado | Dads | Insults | Kids | Posted 2007-10-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Not Until We Get a Few Things Straight in the Will

Old lady hooked up to portable oxygen machine: I need a cigarette!
Grandkids: Grandma, nooo!

Restaurant
Chicago, Illinois


Overheard by: martha


Categories: Illinois | Kids | Old folks | Smoking | Posted 2007-10-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

So Blackmail Is Out

Nonchalant dude on cell: My parents are dead, okay? Everyone's dead, okay?

Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Passing easily amused person


Categories: California | Death & dying | On the phone | Posted 2007-10-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Kinda Shake Myself Like a Wet Dog

Little girl: Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom!
Mom: Okay, well, I don't think there is any toilet paper. You'll have to drip-dry.
Little girl: Okay! I love drip-drying!

St. Louis, Missouri


Categories: Kids | Missouri | Moms | Pee | Posted 2007-10-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Was Almost Sorry When He Got Expelled and Hanged Himself

Girl #1: Stalkers are the best because they make you feel kind of loved.
Girl #2: I've never had a stalker!
Girl #1: Oh, God! You've never had a stalker?
Girl #2: Well, not really.
Girl #1: Stalkers are really the best. Like Kyle -- he was the really creepy kind, because he actually touched my butt in the dining hall, and it was gross.

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: rvl


Categories: Bimbettes | Gossip | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-10-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Baby: Are We Talking about Ass-Fucking Here?

Guy with baby: So, I found out that Ed tried something fairly kinky with Sarah when they got together at our wedding...
Girl: What? What did he try?
Guy with baby: It was fairly kinky...
Girl: Did he try to sodomize her?
Guy with baby: Alright, he did! But he was too drunk... She said it was like a marshmallow. [Turns to baby in baby talk] Wasn't my cousin a big silly to try to sodomize my roommate when he was in that state? Yes he was! Yes he was!

Dominick's Restaurant
Ann Arbor, Michigan


Overheard by: Jack


Categories: Backdoor | Friends | Michigan | Posted 2007-10-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Who Looks a Little Like Danny DeVito

50-ish guy: ... And now I inherited his twin sister!

Woodstock, New York


Categories: Family ties | New York | Strangers | Posted 2007-10-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I'll Just Clear the Table and Then You Can Start Flinging Your Poop

Waitress: You were a hungry bunch of monkeys, weren't you?

Fredericksburg, Virginia


Categories: Employees | Questions | Virginia | Posted 2007-10-30 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Your Coquetry Piques My Curiosity

Dude: I want to fucking make out with you.
Chick: Yeah?
Dude: Yeah, maybe I will later.
Chick: Maybe.

Troy, New York

Overheard by: Andrew


Categories: K-I-S-S-I-N-G | New York | Strangers | Posted 2007-10-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If You'll Refer to the Third Bullet-Point on My Resume

Drunk queer: I can pick up a shot glass with my ass!

Outside Grand Central
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: widget


Categories: Ass | Bragging | Drunks | Maryland | Queers | Posted 2007-10-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And Have Liposuction on the Delivery Table

Bimbette on cell: Oh, okay, so she can't gain any more weight. That should be easy -- she's only at the beginning of the pregnancy. She just has to stop eating.

Princeton University
Princeton, New Jersey


Categories: Bimbettes | Diet & weight | New Jersey | Posted 2007-10-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

When the Student Is Ready, the Master Will Insult Him

Hobo: Fuck you, ya dirty fuckhole!
Male passerby: Wait -- 'fuckhole'? Is that, like, a cooch or an ass?
Hobo: Depends on if you're gay or not. For you, it's an ass.

Denny Way
Seattle, Washington


Categories: Hobos | Insults | Washington | Posted 2007-10-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Getting Sober Has Been a Mixed Blessing

Girl on cell: I mean, if I was a freshman I would've been all over him, but I'm not anymore and it sucks. Now I'm all paranoid about diseases and stuff, and I can't just do whatever I want -- I actually have to think about things.

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: gladimnotoneofthose


Categories: Gripes | On the phone | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-10-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And He Told Me He Was Saving the Good Roofies for Me

Sorostitute #1: So, he tried walking me back to his frat house and he was holding my hand... I should've fucked him, right?
Sorostitute #2: What? You just met him! And he's hooked up with Patricia*. I mean, hellooo -- bad taste.
Sorostitute #1: I totally should have. I mean, he was holding my hand, after all.

Duke University
Durham, North Carolina


Categories: Bonding | North Carolina | Sorority types | Posted 2007-10-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And No Zippers!

Little boy looking at swim trunks: I can't get one with a small hole because my penis gets stuck!

Target
Tempe, Arizona


Categories: Arizona | Kids | Penis | Posted 2007-10-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

So Put That Thing Away

Five-year-old boy to passing stranger: I ain't yo' baby's mama.

College Park, Maryland


Categories: Gossip | Kids | Maryland | Posted 2007-10-29 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Someday All That Water Will Join Up -- Then What?

High school boy: Damn, this is the part where we go over the ocean! I hate this shit! Every day going over the ocean! Shit!

Yellow Line train crossing the Potomac
Washington, DC


Overheard by: Not afraid of the Potomac


Categories: Idiots | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

To Understand, I Will Require Visual Aids

Blonde: I wish we got graded on our bras. I would get an A. Get it?

www.overheardincomo.blogspot.com

Overheard by: Kelsey


Categories: Bimbettes | Overheard in Columbia | Rack | Posted 2007-10-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

God, Asians Are Racists, Too?

Asian #1, watching Asian driver: Asian drivers suck!
Asian #2: Dude, you are one!
Asian #1: Oh, yeah.

Queen Street
Auckland
New Zealand


Categories: Asians | New Zealand | Race | Posted 2007-10-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Just the Lucky Ones, I Told 'Em

Woman: I was in Budapest and people would ask, 'Is everyone in America like Dick Cheney?' And I'm like, 'Fuck no!'

Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com

Overheard by: rich


Categories: Chicks | Overheard in PDX | Politics | Posted 2007-10-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

If You Know What I Mean

Child, as his dad videotapes a monkey: I can't see the monkey!
Dad: You'll see him when we get home.

Vilas Park Zoo
Madison, Wisconsin


Overheard by: mike


Categories: Animals | Dads | Kids | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-10-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Wouldn't Say I Missed 'Em, Bob

Bimbette: Oh my god! I just realized that I missed all of my classes today!

Shout-out: overheardatlc.blogspot.com

Overheard by:


Categories: Bimbettes | Education | Overheard at Loyola | Posted 2007-10-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

But Otherwise Quite Civilized

Dude: Is it okay if I bring her to the party this evening? She's a Republican.

Bookstore
Florence, Oregon


Categories: Guys | Oregon | Politics | Posted 2007-10-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

All You Gaywads Must Be Jealous

Hoochie, about guy she met on a band trip: He was gorgeous, with a dick as big as my arm! [Notices band class is listening] Oh, my bad.

High school
Utah


Categories: Gossip | Hoochies | Penis | Utah | Posted 2007-10-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Being Universally Despised

Nerd #1: His dad was in the first white reggae band in San Antonio.
Nerd #2: Wow.
Nerd #1: Yeah. So it's, like, in his blood.

Austin, Texas

Overheard by: texan tempest


Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Gossip | Texas | Posted 2007-10-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

In Some Community Colleges It's an Admission Requirement

Girl: I was like, 'What the fuck,' you know? There's nothing wrong with me -- they're the stupid bitches! [People in cafeteria stare, and guy in corner starts cracking up.] Oh my god, is everyone here retarded?

Cafeteria, Thomas Nelson Community College
Virginia


Categories: Chicks | Gripes | Virginia | Posted 2007-10-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

And That's How We Toast in Sweden

Guy on cell: It's easy -- just grab the dick in one hand and a beer in the other!

Carmen's Bodega
Alingsås
Sweden


Overheard by: rymden


Categories: Advice | Penis | Sweden | Posted 2007-10-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

You Have to Do a Stupid Thing Six Hundred Times before It Kills You

Smoking office lady to others: She gets up on her roof, strips down, and just bakes in the sun. She thinks that just because she goes to the dermatologist once a month she's not going to get cancer. [Takes a long drag] What a retard!

Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com

Overheard by: herbie mchebrew


Categories: Idiots | Overheard in Philly | Smoking | Posted 2007-10-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Lest She Put Ye Over the Side in a Howlin' Gale

Girl to guy #1: I hate you. I hate you so much! I hate you more than... Flotsam hates Jetsam!
Guy #2: Shit, dude, I'd watch out.

Jacksonville, Florida


Categories: Advice | Florida | Friends | Posted 2007-10-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Last Temptation of Christie

Chick on cell: Christie! Christie! You better not smoke all of your cigarettes today! [Snaps phone shut.]

Shout-out: ohinmpls.blogspot.com

Overheard by: amy


Categories: On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Smoking | Posted 2007-10-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Just Another Part of the Fifties That Sucked

Eight-year-old looking at costume display: Who's Kukla, Mommy?
Mom, solemnly: Nobody knows, honey.

Fantasy Costumes
Chicago, Illinois


Categories: Illinois | Kids | Questions | Posted 2007-10-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Besides, White Girls Don't Have Much Soul to Start With

Girl #1: Oh my god!
Girl #2: Hm?
Girl #1: I think Charlie ate my soul!
Girl #2: ... Is that a euphemism for something I don't want to hear about?

38X bus
Nashville, Tennessee


Overheard by: this bus is weird...


Categories: Chicks | Questions | Tennessee | Posted 2007-10-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Betty Soon Deconstructed Her Entire Reality

Girl on cell: Wait, what do you mean by downtown? Like, down... in a town?

Goucher College
Baltimore, Maryland


Overheard by: Hannah


Categories: Maryland | On the phone | Questions | Posted 2007-10-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

I Know Someone Who's Waking Up with a Donkey Tomorrow Morning

Drunk guy #1: Yo, what are you doing?
Drunk guy #2: I don't remember.
Drunk guy #1: Those are the best nights, bro.

University of New Haven
West Haven, Connecticut


Overheard by: through the window


Categories: Connecticut | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Posted 2007-10-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Because I'd Really Like to Get My Money's Worth

Girl: The schedule says 'Icebreaker activity.' Do you think that will involve a lot of bodily contact?

Washington, DC


Categories: Chicks | Questions | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Want Me to Check?

Woman: Don't I strike you as blonde?

Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com

Overheard by: rich


Categories: Bimbettes | Hair | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2007-10-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Are You Suggesting a Cause-and-Effect Relationship?

Hipster chick to friends: Speaking of pregnancy, who wants pizza?

Denver Art Museum
Colorado


Categories: Colorado | Food | Hipsters | Posted 2007-10-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Life Avoidance Is Fairly Inexpensive

Nerd: Just think of how much money I saved over winter break by playing World of Warcraft -- it was 10 dollars a month instead of paying for all the stuff I would have done had I gone out.

Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com

Overheard by: doug


Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds |