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October 2007 Archives
Or Just Go Ahead and Freak Ou t-- Might Be Fun
Girl #1: If I see one more blonde girl, I am going to freak out.
Girl #2: You know what you should do? Move to Africa.
Hartford, Connecticut
Categories: Advice | Chicks | Connecticut | Posted 2007-10-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Try Pissing Up a Rope, Then
Four-year-old boy: But Mommy, I don't need gravity! I just had to pee!
New Jersey
Categories: Kids | New Jersey | Pee | Posted 2007-10-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's My Upper Lip, Sweetie
Three-year-old boy: Mum, where is your vagina?
Mum: Tom, you know where it is...
Three-year-old boy: Ohhh, is that it, under all that hair?
Ladies' room
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Anna
Categories: Australia | Questions | Should have used a condom | Vagina | Posted 2007-10-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gonna Cost Us to Get Out of It Alive
Angry kid: Mom! I don't want to go shopping!
Mom: We are not shopping -- we are on an adventure!
Oshkosh, Wisconsin
Overheard by: I love adventures
Stalking Tip: A Smart Pocket Dress Can Hide Your Huge Man Hands
Chick #1: So, I have to quit my job because a transvestite is stalking me.
Chick #2: Are they hitting on you?
Chick #1: Nope, just stalking.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: a classmate
Categories: Chicks | Gripes | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-10-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Child Psychologists Exist
Mom singing to two small boys and a baby in stroller: One, two, three, four! We're going to the panty store! We're going to the panty store! We're going to the panty store!
Victoria's Secret
Winchester, Virginia
Overheard by: Joanna
You, Missy, Are No Alcoholic!
Friend #1: It just gets yummier as you go from one shot glass to the next.
Friend #2: Which side do you start from?
Friend #1: It doesn't matter.
Friend #2: ... That doesn't make sense.
Plano, Texas
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Friends | Texas | Posted 2007-10-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Didn't Do the Reading, Did You?
Religion professor: Why did Jesus die?
Student: Loss of blood?
College of Charleston
South Carolina
Categories: Jesus | South Carolina | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-10-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Successfully Eliminated It
Son: I just don't understand it.
Father: That's because you have no imagination.
Foothills Mall
Fort Collins, Colorado
Overheard by: Tempus
Not Until We Get a Few Things Straight in the Will
Old lady hooked up to portable oxygen machine: I need a cigarette!
Grandkids: Grandma, nooo!
Restaurant
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: martha
So Blackmail Is Out
Nonchalant dude on cell: My parents are dead, okay? Everyone's dead, okay?
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Passing easily amused person
Categories: California | Death & dying | On the phone | Posted 2007-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Kinda Shake Myself Like a Wet Dog
Little girl: Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom!
Mom: Okay, well, I don't think there is any toilet paper. You'll have to drip-dry.
Little girl: Okay! I love drip-drying!
St. Louis, Missouri
I Was Almost Sorry When He Got Expelled and Hanged Himself
Girl #1: Stalkers are the best because they make you feel kind of loved.
Girl #2: I've never had a stalker!
Girl #1: Oh, God! You've never had a stalker?
Girl #2: Well, not really.
Girl #1: Stalkers are really the best. Like Kyle -- he was the really creepy kind, because he actually touched my butt in the dining hall, and it was gross.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: rvl
Categories: Bimbettes | Gossip | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Baby: Are We Talking about Ass-Fucking Here?
Guy with baby: So, I found out that Ed tried something fairly kinky with Sarah when they got together at our wedding...
Girl: What? What did he try?
Guy with baby: It was fairly kinky...
Girl: Did he try to sodomize her?
Guy with baby: Alright, he did! But he was too drunk... She said it was like a marshmallow. [Turns to baby in baby talk] Wasn't my cousin a big silly to try to sodomize my roommate when he was in that state? Yes he was! Yes he was!
Dominick's Restaurant
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Jack
Who Looks a Little Like Danny DeVito
50-ish guy: ... And now I inherited his twin sister!
Woodstock, New York
Categories: Family ties | New York | Strangers | Posted 2007-10-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Just Clear the Table and Then You Can Start Flinging Your Poop
Waitress: You were a hungry bunch of monkeys, weren't you?
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Your Coquetry Piques My Curiosity
Dude: I want to fucking make out with you.
Chick: Yeah?
Dude: Yeah, maybe I will later.
Chick: Maybe.
Troy, New York
Overheard by: Andrew
Categories: K-I-S-S-I-N-G | New York | Strangers | Posted 2007-10-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You'll Refer to the Third Bullet-Point on My Resume
Drunk queer: I can pick up a shot glass with my ass!
Outside Grand Central
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
And Have Liposuction on the Delivery Table
Bimbette on cell: Oh, okay, so she can't gain any more weight. That should be easy -- she's only at the beginning of the pregnancy. She just has to stop eating.
Princeton University
Princeton, New Jersey
Categories: Bimbettes | Diet & weight | New Jersey | Posted 2007-10-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When the Student Is Ready, the Master Will Insult Him
Hobo: Fuck you, ya dirty fuckhole!
Male passerby: Wait -- 'fuckhole'? Is that, like, a cooch or an ass?
Hobo: Depends on if you're gay or not. For you, it's an ass.
Denny Way
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Hobos | Insults | Washington | Posted 2007-10-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Getting Sober Has Been a Mixed Blessing
Girl on cell: I mean, if I was a freshman I would've been all over him, but I'm not anymore and it sucks. Now I'm all paranoid about diseases and stuff, and I can't just do whatever I want -- I actually have to think about things.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: gladimnotoneofthose
Categories: Gripes | On the phone | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-10-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And He Told Me He Was Saving the Good Roofies for Me
Sorostitute #1: So, he tried walking me back to his frat house and he was holding my hand... I should've fucked him, right?
Sorostitute #2: What? You just met him! And he's hooked up with Patricia*. I mean, hellooo -- bad taste.
Sorostitute #1: I totally should have. I mean, he was holding my hand, after all.
Duke University
Durham, North Carolina
Categories: Bonding | North Carolina | Sorority types | Posted 2007-10-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And No Zippers!
Little boy looking at swim trunks: I can't get one with a small hole because my penis gets stuck!
Target
Tempe, Arizona
So Put That Thing Away
Five-year-old boy to passing stranger: I ain't yo' baby's mama.
College Park, Maryland
Someday All That Water Will Join Up -- Then What?
High school boy: Damn, this is the part where we go over the ocean! I hate this shit! Every day going over the ocean! Shit!
Yellow Line train crossing the Potomac
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Not afraid of the Potomac
Categories: Idiots | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Understand, I Will Require Visual Aids
Blonde: I wish we got graded on our bras. I would get an A. Get it?
www.overheardincomo.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Kelsey
Categories: Bimbettes | Overheard in Columbia | Rack | Posted 2007-10-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
God, Asians Are Racists, Too?
Asian #1, watching Asian driver: Asian drivers suck!
Asian #2: Dude, you are one!
Asian #1: Oh, yeah.
Queen Street
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Asians | New Zealand | Race | Posted 2007-10-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just the Lucky Ones, I Told 'Em
Woman: I was in Budapest and people would ask, 'Is everyone in America like Dick Cheney?' And I'm like, 'Fuck no!'
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: rich
Categories: Chicks | Overheard in PDX | Politics | Posted 2007-10-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Know What I Mean
Child, as his dad videotapes a monkey: I can't see the monkey!
Dad: You'll see him when we get home.
Vilas Park Zoo
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: mike
Wouldn't Say I Missed 'Em, Bob
Bimbette: Oh my god! I just realized that I missed all of my classes today!
Shout-out: overheardatlc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Bimbettes | Education | Overheard at Loyola | Posted 2007-10-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Otherwise Quite Civilized
Dude: Is it okay if I bring her to the party this evening? She's a Republican.
Bookstore
Florence, Oregon
All You Gaywads Must Be Jealous
Hoochie, about guy she met on a band trip: He was gorgeous, with a dick as big as my arm! [Notices band class is listening] Oh, my bad.
High school
Utah
Being Universally Despised
Nerd #1: His dad was in the first white reggae band in San Antonio.
Nerd #2: Wow.
Nerd #1: Yeah. So it's, like, in his blood.
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: texan tempest
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Gossip | Texas | Posted 2007-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Some Community Colleges It's an Admission Requirement
Girl: I was like, 'What the fuck,' you know? There's nothing wrong with me -- they're the stupid bitches! [People in cafeteria stare, and guy in corner starts cracking up.] Oh my god, is everyone here retarded?
Cafeteria, Thomas Nelson Community College
Virginia
And That's How We Toast in Sweden
Guy on cell: It's easy -- just grab the dick in one hand and a beer in the other!
Carmen's Bodega
Alingsås
Sweden
Overheard by: rymden
You Have to Do a Stupid Thing Six Hundred Times before It Kills You
Smoking office lady to others: She gets up on her roof, strips down, and just bakes in the sun. She thinks that just because she goes to the dermatologist once a month she's not going to get cancer. [Takes a long drag] What a retard!
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: herbie mchebrew
Categories: Idiots | Overheard in Philly | Smoking | Posted 2007-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Lest She Put Ye Over the Side in a Howlin' Gale
Girl to guy #1: I hate you. I hate you so much! I hate you more than... Flotsam hates Jetsam!
Guy #2: Shit, dude, I'd watch out.
Jacksonville, Florida
The Last Temptation of Christie
Chick on cell: Christie! Christie! You better not smoke all of your cigarettes today! [Snaps phone shut.]
Shout-out: ohinmpls.blogspot.com
Overheard by: amy
Categories: On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Smoking | Posted 2007-10-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Another Part of the Fifties That Sucked
Eight-year-old looking at costume display: Who's Kukla, Mommy?
Mom, solemnly: Nobody knows, honey.
Fantasy Costumes
Chicago, Illinois
Besides, White Girls Don't Have Much Soul to Start With
Girl #1: Oh my god!
Girl #2: Hm?
Girl #1: I think Charlie ate my soul!
Girl #2: ... Is that a euphemism for something I don't want to hear about?
38X bus
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: this bus is weird...
Betty Soon Deconstructed Her Entire Reality
Girl on cell: Wait, what do you mean by downtown? Like, down... in a town?
Goucher College
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Hannah
Categories: Maryland | On the phone | Questions | Posted 2007-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Know Someone Who's Waking Up with a Donkey Tomorrow Morning
Drunk guy #1: Yo, what are you doing?
Drunk guy #2: I don't remember.
Drunk guy #1: Those are the best nights, bro.
University of New Haven
West Haven, Connecticut
Overheard by: through the window
Categories: Connecticut | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Posted 2007-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because I'd Really Like to Get My Money's Worth
Girl: The schedule says 'Icebreaker activity.' Do you think that will involve a lot of bodily contact?
Washington, DC
Categories: Chicks | Questions | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Want Me to Check?
Woman: Don't I strike you as blonde?
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: rich
Categories: Bimbettes | Hair | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2007-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You Suggesting a Cause-and-Effect Relationship?
Hipster chick to friends: Speaking of pregnancy, who wants pizza?
Denver Art Museum
Colorado
Life Avoidance Is Fairly Inexpensive
Nerd: Just think of how much money I saved over winter break by playing World of Warcraft -- it was 10 dollars a month instead of paying for all the stuff I would have done had I gone out.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: doug
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Games | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yes, but Not with Gentiles
Mom: No, I liked-- Is that bacon?!
Daughter: What?
Mom: There is a piece of bacon on the elevator floor.
Daughter: You did go to college, right?
Dorm elevator
North Carolina
Categories: Food | Moms | North Carolina | Posted 2007-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Piranha Were Disappointed
Hipster chick: ... So then his mom said, 'Get your cock out of the fish tank!'
Gabrielino High School
San Gabriel, California
Overheard by: Alexia
Categories: California | Gossip | Hipsters | Posted 2007-10-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The First Time in a Spotless Twenty Years of Alcohol Abuse
Loud hobo with wet pant leg: I pissed my pants! I got to get home to my wife to show her I pissed my pants! I got to teach my kids how not to piss their pants! I can't believe I pissed my pants!
Washington, DC
Categories: Hobos | Pee | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Hooray"?
Dude: He made out with a hooker?! No one makes out with a hooker! What was he thinking?!
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: j
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Overheard Lines | Posted 2007-10-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like a Scat Burglar?
Boy: Dad, why do toilets flush?
Dad, irritated: I don't know.
Boy: I think it is so no one can steal the poop.
Bathroom
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Pooper Snooper
And I'm Already Tired of It
Hyper girl pulling out lots of different colored bracelets: I need to change my mood!
Friend: What's your mood, Dana?
Hyper girl: I don't know! I'm changing it!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Chicks | Fashion | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-10-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Subtle Wine/Beer Distinction
Preppy girl: Wait, Irish people are from Ireland? I always thought they were from Italy!
Memorial High School
Manchester, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Lily F.
Categories: New Hampshire | Preppies | Stupidity | Posted 2007-10-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
More of a Dry Meatloaf, Really
Guy: I'm not really like a saucy, creamy guy.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: the ear
Categories: Food | Guys | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-10-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hahaha, Yeah, a Virulent Antibiotic-Resistant Strain
Chick to guy: Well, the joke's on you, because I have syphilis.
Shout-out: overheardina2.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Biotechs | Health & Hygiene | Overheard in Ann Arbor | Posted 2007-10-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or the Poor Baby Jesus
Amused girl: Okay, so the dog sits on the hay but it doesn't want to eat the hay. Meanwhile, it pees on the hay and leaves its doggy smell on the hay... Now, the horse comes along and wants to eat the hay, but the hay smells of doggy piss so the horse can't eat it... You, my dear, are the horse. Haha!
Annoyed girl: At least I'm not the piss.
Florida
Categories: Florida | Friends | Philosophy | Posted 2007-10-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Terrible Wig-Hair
Smug male hipster law student: I don't do gender-bending anymore -- it almost always leads to bar fights.
Washington College of Law
Washington, DC
Overheard by: If it weren't for my horse...
Categories: Gender issues | Hipsters | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
About As Deep As Men Get
Chick #1: Sometimes I talk to my guy friends about the difference between women who are hot and women who are beautiful.
Chick #2: Which would they rather be with?
Chick #1: Hot in high school, but beautiful for getting married, because she'll be beautiful forever.
All chicks: Awww!
Chick #3: That is so deep.
Spokane, Washington
Overheard by: Holly Golightly
Categories: Beauty | Chicks | Washington | Posted 2007-10-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Helping Her Work Through It
Dude: She has some sort of mental block about putting her legs above her head.
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Overheard by: etherealagent
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Overheard at BU | Posted 2007-10-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Called Her Ten Times, but She Hasn't Called Back
Guy: What a shitty day. My girlfriend told me I was 'needy, at best.'
Montreal metro
Canadia
Overheard by: Marie Elaine
Happens to the Best of Us
Man #1: There is literally a whale driving that car. Through some form of magic, a whale was turned into a woman and is now driving a car!
Man #2: I think the whale looks pretty surprised. I would be, too, if I suddenly got turned into a woman and put in a car!
Shout-out: www.overheardquote.com
Overheard by: wyse
Categories: Diet & weight | Jerks | Overheard Quote | Posted 2007-10-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Stop Feeding Them That Freeze-Dried Ice Cream
Man: I just wanted to go to the cafeteria lady and say, 'My children are not astronauts!'
Ted's Restaurant
Virginia
Overheard by: Nic
That or Knitting
Dude: If I wasn't in jail or high, I was working construction.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: jessica
Categories: Guys | Jobs & Careers | Overheard Lines | Posted 2007-10-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Playing Chess? Really?
Girl on cell: Wait, how exactly did you manage to pull your ass muscle?
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: On the phone | Overheard in the Valley | Questions | Posted 2007-10-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only When He's Sucking Cock, Though
Girl #1: Every time I see him, he seems so sad.
Girl #2: Every time I see him, he seems so hot!
Girl #1: Well, yeah, but also... somewhat... homosexual.
overheardatyale.blogspot.com
Overheard by: JB
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Overheard at Yale | Posted 2007-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Driven People Get Stuck with People Who Can't Hurry
Nine-year-old to his little sister: I have to get my grandma her milk. I have to go all the way out to the West Side, and I'm low on gas. You need to hurry your ass up!
University and East 9th
Des Moines, Iowa
Though Sometimes I Daydream about the Former
Man: I'm working with little kids now, you know. I babysit for teachers. At a nursery.
Girl: Oh?
Man: Yeah, I kinda like how the kids are recycled every year... I don't mean, like, cut up and made into new babies, but that I get new ones and the old ones move on.
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Guys | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Not the Place I Belong, After All
Girl #1: ... And his sack -- it fucking smelled like a carnival.
Girl #2: What?!
Girl #1: Like barnyard animals and carny folk... And kinda like hay.
Girl #2: Well, I told you not to hump someone who is from West Virginia!
M Street and Wisconsin Avenue
Washington, DC
Overheard by: NinaBeana
Categories: Balls | Chicks | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, and We Can Swap Clothes
Guy: I think the reason I'm attracted to lesbians is their indifference to men.
Shout-out: overheardatstanford.blogspot.com
Categories: Guys | Overheard at Stanford | Philosophy | Posted 2007-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's So Cute. Now Take the Little Fucker Home.
Cute toddler boy in giant sombrero: I'm running amok! I'm running amok!
Georgetown Cafe
Washington, DC
Categories: Kids | Leisure | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Man with a Giant Rack
Little boy, about American tourist chick: Look, Daddy! She's got big boots on... Like a man!
England
It's Been All the Rage Since the Local Wildlife Started Pressing Charges
Obnoxious girl: If I got a quarter for every time I see someone hump a monument, I would be rich.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2007-10-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Something They Do in Customs
Drunk skater #1: Yeah, he's gotten a lot nicer since he got butt-raped in France.
Drunk skater #2: Yeah, I heard about that. Is that true?
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Michael
Categories: Drunks | Gossip | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-10-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Wasn't Covered During Pastoral Counseling
Woman: How would I know if you just found out?
Man, her fiancé: Well, shouldn't you know before I know?
Woman: I never do that to myself -- you do that for me!
Man: Well, it was all over my finger afterwards and under my nail -- you must be on your visitor.
Woman: I didn't know I was getting my visitor until you had some on your hand.
Man: Well, don't you look inside yourself?! Go look inside yourself and tell me what you see!
Winking Lizard Tavern
Cleveland Heights, Ohio
Nah, They're from Jersey
Girl at brunch: Are your parents from... anywhere?
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: tim
Categories: Chicks | Overheard Lines | Questions | Posted 2007-10-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
These People Are Everywhere
Thugette: I ain't talking to you no more!
Thug: Well, let me ask you a question -- about you.
Thugette: Alright.
Thug: What you heard about me?!
Downtown Mall
Charlottesville, Virginia
Goldilocks Has Trouble Adapting to the World Outside the Forest
Chick: Can I have a hot chocolate, please?
Cafe worker: What size?
Chick: Hot.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: anonymous
Categories: Bimbettes | Overheard at Cornell | Stupidity | Posted 2007-10-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Since She's Only Eleven
Old grump #1: Well, you know how women boast.
Old grump #2: I know that. But I still cannot take her word for it that she is the best lay in the city.
Bloomingdale's
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: the real deal
Categories: Gossip | Old folks | San Francisco | Posted 2007-10-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In This Issue, "Seven Secrets to Make Him Give You Tax Money!"
Bimbette: She went to beauty school, so she thinks she's a cosmopolitician or something.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Bimbettes | Eavesdrop DC | Words | Posted 2007-10-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Way I Can Put Both of My Talents to Use
Seven-year-old: You can't be a rock star. Everyone wants to be a rock star. You have to be something else.
Six-year-old: Fine! I'll be a fucking barber!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Categories: Indiana | Jobs & Careers | Kids | Posted 2007-10-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... By Us.
Male cashier: There's just something about Trina that I don't like...
Female cashier: She just gets robbed too much.
Convenience store
Hendersonville, Tennessee
For the Last Time, That Was a Playground.
Blue-haired guy: Man, those guys over at the methadone clinic are a bunch of snitches!
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Gripes | Punks | Washington | Posted 2007-10-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But If You'd Like to Come See Me about Fellatio, I'm Wide Open
Student, discussing paper topics: I'd kind of like to do prostitution... Is that too easy?
Professor: Why not? Prostitution is fun! Everybody likes doing prostitution.
Arizona State University
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Auntie Maim
Unless You Have Pepperoni Nipples
Gym bunny to frat boy: Yeah, but I mean, boobs don't smell like anything.
American University
Washington, DC
Categories: Gym rats | Rack | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So, No Rules, Just Right?
Bartender: So, what do you do?
Girl: I work at the morgue dissecting babies. Y'know, cutting them to get skin samples.
Bartender: Really?
Girl: Yeah. We call it 'the baby grinder.'
Bartender: That's disgusting.
Girl: What's really gross is every time I do it I get really hungry.
Bar
Fitzroy
Australia
Categories: Australia | Bartenders | Creepsters | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2007-10-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Simply Take His Hand Out of My Pants?
Guy forcing way through crowded dance floor: Excuse me, you fucking beautiful bitch.
Girl, stepping aside, then suddenly turning to friend: Should I be offended?
Privilege
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: elise
Categories: California | Questions | Strangers | Posted 2007-10-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thinks Our President Is Curious George
Blonde: You know, it's like the story of Ferdinand!
Brunette: How does my relationship have anything to do with Ferdinand, the king of Spain?!
Blonde: No! Ferdinand the bull! The classic children's book! What kind of best friend are you? You know I wouldn't know anything about the king of Spain!
Charlotte, North Carolina
Categories: Bimbettes | Names | North Carolina | Stupidity | Posted 2007-10-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mind Your Own Orgasms, Guys
Guy #1, to girl: Yo, if Mike and Dave lived together, how great would your orgasm be? [Girl is silent.]
Guy #2: Yeah, your leg would be drenched all the time.
Girl: I'm a girl! You can't say that to me!
Guy #1: Not with jizz! With lady juice!
Girl: Seriously! Stop!
Rutgers bus
New Jersey
Categories: Friends | New Jersey | Orgasm | Posted 2007-10-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yikes, Where?
Teacher, on Rosh Hashanah: Dylan?
Dylan: Here.
Teacher: Katie?
Katie: Here.
Teacher: Adam?
Class: Jew.
Hume-Fogg High School
Nashville, Tennessee
With a Hint of Schmuck and a Dash of Tool
Blonde, about brunette's fiancé: He's too pretty to be hot.
Brunette: No, he's hot... Just more like douchebag-hot.
Aspenhof Lake
Washington, Missouri
Overheard by: Mandi
Your Pig Anus Story Haunts My Dreams
Bookstore worker to friend: Will you stop saying things I'll remember the rest of my life?
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Friends | Questions | Posted 2007-10-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Confusing Time in a Man's Life When His Body Changes
Five-year-old girl: Does Daddy need socks?
Mom: Yes.
Five-year-old girl: Does Daddy need boxers?
Mom: Yes.
Five-year-old girl: Does Daddy need a bra?
Mom: No.
Five-year-old girl: But he has boobs.
Dundee
Scotland
Overheard by: boredlaura
So I Just Bought All Those Staples for Nothing?
Bimbette: Sex makes everything so complicated. Seriously, I'm going back to being a virgin.
Friend: Honey, you're never going to be a virgin again. It's impossible.
Bimbette: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | Bimbettes | Philosophy | Posted 2007-10-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Think They Could Add a Nice Lace Ruffle?
Chick #1 exiting bathroom stall: I can't believe I'm getting my gun tomorrow.
Chick #2: Yeah... Too bad they can't put color in it. It's going to be pretty ugly.
Chick #1: It's a gun.
Chick #2: Doesn't mean it has to be ugly.
Chick #1: Yeah, it would be cool in purple.
Grand Junction, Colorado
Every Time They Say "Nietzsche" We'll Do a Tequila Shot
Professor: Let's liven things up with a documentary about Nietzsche!
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Education | Teachers | Posted 2007-10-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, Michigan Is a Persistent Vegetative State
Dude checking phone: Terri Schiavo keeps calling me!
The Café du Marquis
Royal Oak, Michigan
Overheard by: Emma
Oh, This One's for Throwing
Girl: May I have a Long Island Iced Tea?
Bartender: Sure.
80-year-old lady sitting at bar: Giiirl, I hope you took yo' birf control today!
Klondike Kate's
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: Cols
Categories: Advice | Delaware | Drinking & drunks | Strangers | Posted 2007-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Disagree on What "City of Brotherly Love" Really Means
Scene guy: Come back! I want a hug!
Guy quickly leaving on bicycle: Eat my shit!
Scene guy: I want my hug!
Guy quickly leaving on bicycle: Eat my shit!
22nd and Chestnut Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: catty
Categories: Insults | Pennsylvania | Strangers | Posted 2007-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Am I Just That High?
TA: You'll need a watch to keep track of how long your stories are.
Sorostitute: I have one!
TA: Is it analog or digital?
Sorosititute, after looking at watch for a few seconds: ... It has diamonds!
Broadcasting Journalism lab, University of Florida
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: Don't rush for HER sorority
Categories: Florida | Sorority types | Stupidity | Teachers | Technology | Posted 2007-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because We Need to Be Able to Fit This Stuff in the Trunk
Older sister, standing on shopping cart: Where is Mommy?
Little brother, pushing cart: [Shrugs.]
Older sister: You didn't kill her, did you?!
Target
Altoona, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: No, I Did
Categories: Murder | Pennsylvania | Siblings | Posted 2007-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Girlfriend: I Wish My Boyfriend Wasn't Such a Racist
Asian teen boy: I wish my girlfriend had eyelids.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: wellll... Your kids probably won't either
Categories: Asians | Body parts | Gripes | Overheard in Minneapolis | Teens | Posted 2007-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Made Her Compare the Two Videos
Guy: Yeah, no, she dumped me.
Friend: Why?
Guy: Dunno, but I think it was 'cause I said her sister was better in bed.
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Guys | Overheard in Melbourne's Journal | Relationships | Posted 2007-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hot Dreams
Girl #1, reading menu: What's 'asparation'?
Girl #2: That's when you have dreams.
Girl #1: ... But what happens when you sautée them?
Port Angeles, Washington
Overheard by: Emily
Categories: Chicks | Food | Washington | Words | Posted 2007-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Can't Figure Out Where It Should Go
Boyfriend: You want to hang out after your last class?
Girlfriend: I can't. I have to get a Tetris shot.
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Emily
Categories: California | Couples | Stupidity | Posted 2007-10-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Then Hiding My Erection with My Tuba
Roommate #1: God! I'm tired of all the gay people in Richmond.
Roommate #2: Yeah, seriously.
Roommate #1: There are so many gay people in my music classes.
Roommate #2: Really?
Roommate #1: Yeah, I'm tired of looking at them and imagining butt sex all the time.
Richmond, Virginia
Loved Her Colored Braces
Husband, after girl he knew left table: That was Joe's* little sister's friend.
Wife: The one he fucked in the ass?
Husband: No, that was somebody else. This one only blew him.
Wife: Oh. She seems nice.
Diner
Long Island, New York
I Really Felt It Was Time to Give the Penises Their Day in the Sun
Student: Are breasts on the exam?
Professor: No, no, they're not. Not because I don't like breasts... I do... They're just not on the exam.
Biology 102, Rutgers University
New Jersey
Overheard by: Marina
Categories: Education | New Jersey | Rack | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-10-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Going to Need More Information.
Dude #1: ... And so I woke up, and I was naked!
Dude #2: What? Why were you naked?
Dude #1: Well, 'cause I was stripping, duh.
New Zealand
Categories: Gossip | Guys | New Zealand | Posted 2007-10-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or It'll Validate and Reinforce His Behavior. But Still, Sex!
20-ish girl: I know it's stupid since he keeps dicking me around, but I really just want to have sex with him. Maybe if I have sex with him I could hook him!
Friend: You could hook him? Like drugs?
20-ish girl: Yeah! Like, maybe my vagina would be like crack to him...
Bar
Bel Air, Maryland
Clap If You Believe She'll Regret This
Female student #1: What does your tattoo mean?
Female student #2: Courage.
Female student #1: I want to get a tattoo!
Female student #2: What do you want to get?
Female student #1: Across my back I want a fairy... wearing lingerie.
Female student #2: Oh... Okay... That would be nice...
Houston Community College
Houston, Texas
Not That I Stroke It in Your Sleep or Anything
Teen girl: Tina*, this corn husk totally feels like your vagina hair!
World's Largest Corn Maze
Dixon, California
Overheard by: Leslie
Categories: California | Hair | Teens | Posted 2007-10-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And She Wasn't a Chick
Stoner: Yo, that chick was kind of hot. She was starin' at me.
Hipster: She wasn't hot, and she was staring at you because you were in her way.
Stoner: I like it my way better.
Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Steveo
Categories: Hipsters | Pennsylvania | Stoners | Stupidity | Posted 2007-10-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is a Second Coming Too Much to Ask For?
Disappointed blonde: ... But it's Porn Sunday!
Radford University
Virginia
From the Best-Selling How You Know Your Child Will Never Have Sex
Fat, bike-riding nerd, to no one: Turning on the afterburners... Yeah, baby... Accelerating!
Albertsons
California
Categories: California | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Leisure | Posted 2007-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not If Jack Bauer Can Stop It
Little boy, after power goes out: Are we gonna die, Dad?
Shop Rite
West Long Branch, New Jersey
Overheard by: He watches too much TV
Categories: Kids | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2007-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ever Feel Like We Deserve the Rest of the World's Contempt?
American tourist #1, approaching Piazza de Michelangelo: Oooh, is that the David? Like, the real David?
American tourist #2: No, that's not the real one. The real one doesn't have arms.
Florence
Italy
Overheard by: Lex
Which Qualifies As a Learning Disability These Days
Irritated mother: Well, maybe he got such bad grades because he was drunk while he was doing his homework!
Guelph, Ontario
Canadia
Let's Move on to That Cumslut Venus De Milo
Chick to friend: There's that bitch Mona Lisa.
The Louvre
Paris
France
It's Like Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boob!
College girl: My bra -- it's, like, magical! It mysteriously unclips itself throughout the day!
Fairfield University
Fairfield, Connecticut
Overheard by: GladMyBraIsntMagical..
Categories: Bimbettes | Clothing | Connecticut | Magic | Posted 2007-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Did Start Bathing with the Entire Football Team
Teen girl to friend: Did you really think it was a coincidence that the week after you started bathing regularly you lost your virginity?
The Urban School
San Francisco, California
Categories: Bathing | Questions | San Francisco | Teens | Posted 2007-10-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In What Sense Have I "Got" Brad Pitt?
Professor: So, say that you've got Brad Pitt... And Angelina got eaten by a giant cobra. And it's maybe a year later and Brad's kind of eyeing Jen, and she's eyeing Vince, and maybe he has an affair with Claire Danes. And now Brad asks you to write an elegy for Angelina. What problems might you run into?
Medieval Literature class
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Education | Teachers | Posted 2007-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Just Say Rudolph's Girlfriend Has Her "Monthly Visitor"
Girl #1: Every time I watch Rudolph, it gives me stress.
Girl #2: That show is horrible!
Girl #1: See, those little reindeer, they didn't know any better, but Dancer was a grown-ass reindeer! He knew better than to treat Rudolph like that, tellin' his own kid not to play with Rudolph... That's some straight-up bullshit.
Guy: And why was Rudolph's nose red if both of his parents' noses were black?
Girl #2: 'Cause his mom was a ho.
Girl #1: Y'know, Dancer was probably his mom's punk-ass baby-daddy. And you know what? Even Santa didn't know how to act. If I was Rudolph, I would tell Santa, 'Oh, hell no!'
Girl #2: Oh, hell no!
Girl #1: 'Santa better get his fat ass up there and guide his own shit, after he be treatin' me like that! Oh, hell no!'
Shout-out: www.overheardinpittsburgh.com
Categories: Friends | Holidays | Overheard in Pittsburgh | Posted 2007-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So My Little League Coach Is a Llama?
Blond boy: Mommy, what do llamas eat?
Mother: Little blond boys.
Blond boy, knowingly: Ohhh...
Waterloo Park
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Kelsey
Or at Least Receive Fewer Lashings?
Bimbette: But if we buy more Nike stuff, won't the kids making it get more money?
High school
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Floppy Ears and Tail Aside
Guy: Amanda, you know how I always say people are dumb?
Amanda: [Blank stare.]
Guy: You are totally 'people.'
Columbus, Ohio
And Stalk Them
Geek girl to another: We need to find someone who's had a lot of sex.
University of Sydney
Australia
Categories: Advice | Australia | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Posted 2007-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Stop Squirming
Chick, responding to example question: You can't randomly choose which woman gets an abortion and which doesn't!
Professor: Why not?
Chick: Because some women do want to give up their babies!
Professor: I don't care! I'm a statistician!
Statistics class, Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Rachel
Frosted Tips Are Just Wrong
Bar patron: I might talk about it if I had a few drinks in me... But I'd never let someone do it!
Hawaii Bar
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: McNasty
Categories: Customers | Gossip | San Francisco | Posted 2007-10-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Blame the Emergence of the Trapper Keeper
Seven-year-old girl: Yeah, 'cause, like, no one was cool in the '80s.
Super Wal-Mart
Augusta, Maine
And Nobody Had to Shave Anything
Girl to friend: Why couldn't we have lived in the '60s so we could just take acid and have sex with whoever we wanted?
Bowling Green State University
Ohio
I'm a One-Bean Maraca
Mom: Now think very hard, honey. Use your noggin.
Son, after long pause: I think my noggin is empty.
Ohio
Categories: Body parts | Kids | Moms | Ohio | Posted 2007-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or So I've Heard.
Guy, as girlfriend walks ahead of him into store: Don't ever get a girlfriend, man. Fucking lunatic bitches! ... She can suck a dick, though.
Gas station
Sacramento, California
Categories: California | Gripes | Jerks | Posted 2007-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When You Live in Your Parents' Basement Apartment
Cashier: Birdseed, one lemon, a bottle of toilet bowl cleanser, and a package of bacon?
Stoned surfer dude: Yeah, man. It's amazing how little you really need in life.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Orion QP
Categories: California | Philosophy | Stoners | Posted 2007-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Um, Will This Be on the Final?
Professor: Oh, yeah, I went down to Virginia and hooked up with this girl... Y'know, her dad was dead and she was kind of freaky... I shot her dog!
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Categories: Connecticut | Gossip | Teachers | Posted 2007-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Ice Cream Is Medicinal
Girl #1: Really? How did that make you feel?
Girl #2: Fat and guilty.
Student Center, Colorado State University
Fort Collins, Colorado
Categories: Chicks | Colorado | Diet & weight | Posted 2007-10-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
All Part of the Plan to Distract You from the Iraq War
Little boy intently popping bubble wrap: Why must you be so preoccupying? Why?!
Vancouver
Canadia
Where's Dracula?
Teen girl #1: God! Don't they have pedestrian laws in Pennsylvania?
Teen girl #2: Wait, we're in Pennsylvania?
Independence Hall
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Allison
Categories: Pennsylvania | Questions | Teens | Posted 2007-10-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And on the Bath Mat. And Behind the Toilet.
Mom trying to remove splinter from son's hand: I'm sorry it hurts. When we get home you can take a bath. Sometimes that helps splinters come out.
Toddler, in between sobs: Okay... And this time I'll try not to poop in the tub.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Hannah
Categories: Kids | Massachusetts | Poop | Posted 2007-10-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Somewhere Other Than a Cubicle
50-year-old woman: I can't wait to retire so I can drop acid.
Spokane, Washington
Categories: Drugs | Ladies who lunch | Washington | Posted 2007-10-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, No You Don't!
Hot girl: You know why I don't come here? Just so you can have an idea, last time I came here I lost my virginity!
Queer: Oh my god! That long ago? With who? In the bathroom?!
Hot girl: With some guy, randomly... We went to his friend's apartment, and it was awful because I have this problem that... Okay, many, many people are listening in to our conversation... I think I want to change the subject. When did you dye your hair like that?
Milo's Garage
São Paulo
Brazil
Forgive Us. In Recent Years We've Been Distracted
Traveling college student to perplexed Cambodian waiter: What? You don't have French toast? Weren't you guys colonized by the French or something?
Restaurant
Phom Penh
Cambodia
Always a Pleasure to Meet a Lady from the South
Fluffy, bunny-foo-foo white girl to friend after yoga: Bitch, I ain't eatin' no biscuits 'n' gravy!
Gym
Maryland
Overheard by: amy beth
No One's Ever Been Interested in the Content of My Character
Chick: I'd love it if my boobs were pink. I'd never wear a shirt if my breasts were hot pink.
Oklahoma State University-Stillwater
Oklahoma
Overheard by: The Opinionator
I Would So Hold Her Hair
Lady #1: I tell you what, I just love that Kelly Ripa.
Lady #2: Oh my god, I know! She's so tiny!
Lady #1: And tan! She must work out every day!
Lady #2: No, she probably just pukes.
Austin, Texas
Categories: Gossip | Health & Hygiene | Ladies who lunch | Texas | Posted 2007-10-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Still Tasting Yesterday's
Crazy bag lady: Can I have that shirt? I'm all dirty and nasty.
Young guy: No, I need this for work.
Crazy bag lady: Oh. Can I shit in your mouth?
Young guy: Um, no.
Washington, DC
Categories: Bag ladies | Clothing | Poop | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And She's Not Even Getting Out of a Limo. Tacky.
Queer: Oh my god, that girl's dress is so short. I swear her outer labia were hanging out.
Sunset Grill and Tap
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Massachusetts | Queers | Vagina | Posted 2007-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
More Like Plants, Really
30-ish lady: What grade are you in?
Little girl: Third grade. I can do math problems.
30-ish lady: Okay, well, if you have three dogs, two cats and four fish, how many animals do you have, total?
Little girl: ... Ummm, nine.
30-ish lady: Well, yeah, sort of... If you count fish as animals, but really they're amphibians.
Movie theater
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: ak
A Little-Known Provision of the USA PATRIOT Act
Umpire to catcher and kicker during kickball game: Now, legally you're allowed to pants each other.
National Mall
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Satsuki
Categories: Guys | Philosophy | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Why Does Everyone Have Such a Funny Accent?
Five-year-old Asian boy: Can we go to America?
Teacher: We are in America!
Harvard Yard
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: laughing
Categories: Massachusetts | Questions | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-10-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How You Know It's Time to Cancel Your Cinemax Subscription
Four-year-old girl skipping down aisle, singing: Penis, penis, tickle, tickle, penis.
Wal-Mart
Carrollton, Texas
Overheard by: Iron Cowgirl
You Guys Are Worse Than the Fucking Ferrets
Mom with two kids in tow: You guys can't take Mommy's cell phone out of her purse anymore, okay? It's very important to leave Mommy's cell phone in her purse. [Stops suddenly] Okay, where did we put Mommy's purse?
Sam's Club
Virginia
Or Perhaps an Outdoor Porn Star
Bored teen girl in long line: This ChapStick says it hasn't been tested on animals. How would you test ChapStick on an animal? Like, what animal would you test it on? A walrus?
Comerica Park
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: SayHey
The New York Knickerbockers?
Employee: Any plans that start with 'knickerbockers' and end with 'amaretto' sound great to me!
Barnes & Noble
Orland Park, Illinois
Overheard by: me, too
You're in Luck, because It's Got Yeast Today
Queer to fag hag: I'm so hungry I could eat your pussy.
Restaurant de Anton
Netherlands
Categories: Netherlands | Queers | Vagina | Posted 2007-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's So Hard to Find Cheap Storage in This City
Dominatrix: I don't do anything sexual to my clients. All I do is stick things up their asses.
Street fair
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Backdoor | California | Chicks | Jobs & Careers | Posted 2007-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's an Innie
Boy #1: What's a vagina?
Boy #2: Uh, a girl's penis.
Long Island, New York
Overheard by: didn't know she had a penis
Where the People Take Up a Lot Less Room
Girl #1: The school paper couldn't use that picture.
Girl #2: Why not?
Girl #1: They said there were too many people in it.
Girl #2: We were in China!
Rider University
Lawrenceville, New Jersey
Categories: Gripes | New Jersey | Students | Posted 2007-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Just Paranoid after That Incident at the Gorilla Cage
Nine-year-old on Journey to Atlantis ride: Now we're going to see the Sea Lord!
19-year-old next to him: Really? That sounds scary...
Nine-year-old: Yeah, he's angry.
19-year-old: He's angry? Why?
Nine-year-old: Because he doesn't like flash photography.
Sea World
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Delilah Bloom
Categories: California | Gossip | Kids | Posted 2007-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Version of the Christ Story Have You Heard?
Dude: It's apropos that she gestated in a FEMA trailer.
State College, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: marsupial jones
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Portrait of the Overheard Editor As a Young Girl
Five-year-old girl: Yeah, so anyway, sometimes farts stink and sometimes they don't. But they're always a fart.
Instructor: Oh... I don't think this is appropriate talk... Maybe we should change the subject.
Five-year-old girl: Yeah. We should change the subject... To naked people.
Pennsylvania
Categories: Gossip | Kids | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-10-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Also Recalibrated the Gay Scale
College boy, laughing: You mean to tell me you think the Beatles changed music forever?
Mom: Yes, of course.
College boy, still laughing: Come on, Mom -- with those 45-percent-gay haircuts?
Art Institute of Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
Categories: Frat boy types | Music | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because You Touched Your Naughty Bits That Way
Kid running for shelter from rain: Why did Mother Nature betray us?!
Durham, North Carolina
Categories: Kids | North Carolina | Questions | Posted 2007-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Think I Could Get into Your Can Tonight?
Man to girlfriend: I love you like a raccoon loves shiny things.
Anchorage, Alaska
I'm All Atwitter
Dude to chick: Let's just go to a bar, sit down, drink some scotch, and be apathetic.
Inman Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Advice | Guys | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Wait, That's Whoopi Goldberg
British lady: My, look at that -- they've cast a black man as Othello...
Othello performance, Stratford Festival Theatre
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Foreigners | Race | Posted 2007-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Be Like, "Dude, This Is My Body"
Chick: I totally want to make out with Jesus. I mean, I like my boyfriend, but it's Jesus... I'm totally going to Hell.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
And Now He Has Custody of Jayden and Sean Preston
Woman: Is he mad that his girl's a whore?
Man: Yeah.
Winchester, Virginia
Are They Applying Lip Gloss Over There?
20-ish European guy: So, do you like Angela*?
20-ish Asian guy: We're pretty good friends, yeah. But what do you mean 'like' her?
20-ish European guy: You know -- like-like her.
20-ish Asian guy: Oh, no, no, no, no, no! We're just really good friends. I never really thought of her that way. Why? Do you like-like her?
20-ish European guy: I dunno. I think I like-like her, but I thought you like-liked her. [They walk away, still talking.]
Woman: Is it just me or did those foreign guys sound like 12-year-old American girls, but, y'know, with funny accents?
Charity pancake breakfast
Hope, Alaska
Overheard by: I'd say closer to 10
Categories: Alaska | Foreigners | Language barrier | Posted 2007-10-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Arby's Comes to Ghana
American #1: What the hell is that smell? I have to find out, because I never want to be around it again.
American #2: Smells like sulfur.
American #3: I've been around cadaver...
American #2: Cadavers smell better.
American #3: No, cadavers smell different. Still awful, but different.
American #2: ... I've only been around the freshly dead.
Our Lady of Lourdes Grotto, Gbi Agbenoxoe
Ho Region
Ghana, South Africa
Overheard by: Yevu!
Categories: Africa | Death & dying | Foreigners | Posted 2007-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because Then I'd Probably Be Thinner
Woman: You know, I wish I was more superficial.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: rich
Categories: Gripes | Idiots | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2007-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Like a Message from God
Daughter: You sure are being stupid today.
Mom: Duh, I have bird poo in my hair.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Insults | Moms | Poop | Should have used a condom | Washington | Posted 2007-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unfortunately, It's Mandatory in Texas
Guy: I went drinking last night, and when I woke up this morning to go to my final I was still drunk!
Girl: Ugh, don't you hate it when you get drunk and you're not sober?
El Paso, Texas
Overheard by: Randi
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Friends | Texas | Posted 2007-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Is So Like Her
Grad student: So, she got a secondary infection in her snatch?
Kingston, Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Health & Hygiene | Questions | Students | Vagina | Posted 2007-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well First Off, She's Canadian
Lady: Wait, are you telling me that K.D. Lang is a lesbian?! How do you know?!
K.D. Lang/Lyle Lovett concert, Red Rocks Amphitheater
Colorado
Then the Unicorn Tattoo Was the Wrong Way to Go
Pudgy guy flailing at younger girl: It's not cute pudge, it's a manly beer gut!
Stewartstown, Pennsylvania
Categories: Guys | Health & Hygiene | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, We Could Tell from Your Liturgy
Chick: Wow, Tyler, you are really drunk.
Drunk guy: Yeah, I've been drinking since church.
Sikeston, Missouri
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Missouri | Posted 2007-10-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Second-Greatest Story Ever Told
British woman: They asked me if I believed in Jesus and I said, 'No, but I do worship Godzilla.'
CCS Home Base, Fodome Road
Hohoe, Volta Region
Ghana, West Africa
Categories: Africa | Foreigners | Religion | Posted 2007-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Not Sticking My Dick Anywhere That Smells That Bad
Ranting idiot: I mean, what the fuck? We live in the United States. It is 2006. There is no excuse for having fucking rotten teeth. I don't care if she is your sister -- brush your fucking teeth!
Town Hall Café
Empire, Colorado
Overheard by: try 2007 - TK
Categories: Colorado | Health & Hygiene | Idiots | Posted 2007-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Does "Chicken Salad Toss" Mean What I Think It Means?
Hotel guest exiting meeting: You know, in a case like this I would typically use the phrase, 'I wouldn't trust it as far as I could throw it,' but I could throw that chicken pretty far.
The Phoenician Resort
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Accurate...
From the New Testament Cutting-Room Floor
Queer: Oh my god, look, it's Mary. Mary! Maaary!
Mary: Heyyy, bitches! What's going on?
Queer: Did he love it, Mary? Did he absolutely love it? Where's Basil? Where is Basil, Mary?
Mary: He's in the bag, baby, he's in the bag.
Union Station
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Aly
But You Shouldn't Talk That Way about Mom
Dad: When I came in it smelled really great, but it actually tasted really disgusting.
Daughter: Same with poop.
Arizona
And Later It Did the Breast Stroke
Chick #1: Hey, it's Todd*!
Chick #2: Oh, he's a swimmer, right?
Chick #1: Yeah, his tongue swam in my mouth!
Olivet College
Olivet, Michigan
Categories: Chicks | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Michigan | Posted 2007-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... But I Can't Find My Stick
Dude: My testicles are like cue balls...
The Arclight
Los Angeles, California
Categories: Balls | California | Guys | Posted 2007-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Need That Sample for the Science Fair!
Teen girl: I have a fever.
Teen boy: Oh, no! Any vomiting?
Teen girl: Not yet.
Teen boy: Damn!
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Greg
Categories: California | Maladies | Teens | Posted 2007-10-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Cruel to the Gerbil Anyway
Drunk chick on cell: Wait! You didn't like Shaun of the Dead? What's wrong with you? Never mind, you can't stick it in me.
Jamaica Plain, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Shotboy
Categories: Drunks | Massachusetts | Movies | On the phone | Posted 2007-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You Staring at My Breasts Again?
20-ish girl: But he still gave me a ticket!
20-ish guy: That sucks.
20-ish girl: The cop said I was criminally fast.
20-ish guy: That sounds hot.
Mirage Secret Garden
Las Vegas, Nevada
A Line Uttered by Thousands of Theater-Goers in the '80s and '90s
Big black lady in checkout lane: This place is a hell of a lot better than Wal-Mart.
Companion: Tell me about it.
Big black lady: Last time I was in there, my blood pressure was, like, eight hundred over five hundred.
Companion: Mmm-hm.
Big black lady: I was seeing stars. Pretty colors, though. Man, I should not have seen cats.
Target, Woodruff Road
Greenville, South Carolina
Overheard by: amused cashier
Categories: Black people | Gripes | South Carolina | Posted 2007-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Whole Country Could Use a Good Subway Conductor
Red-headed woman: I wish they'd take this place and just plunk it down in New York so I could shove people.
Red-headed guy: Word!
National Museum of Natural History
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Nujju
Nothing Your Mother Needs to Know About
Dad to five-year-old son: Do you want to get a practice doughnut?
Downyflake Donuts
Nantucket, Massachusetts
Overheard by: we were also practicing before real breakfast
Categories: Dads | Massachusetts | Questions | Posted 2007-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Want to Stay Down -- Like George Michael
Small boy, dancing and singing: Wake me up before you go-go, I don't ever wanna be a yo-yo!
Hallmark store
Duluth, Minnesota
Overheard by: Nic
Categories: Glad the condom broke | Minnesota | Music | Posted 2007-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Learned My Lesson with Mary Kate and Ashley
Man pushing newborn in stroller: I'm not capitalizing financially off the cuteness of my daughter.
Denver International Airport security line
Denver, Colorado
From Jane Austen's Nonsense and Insensibility
Guy: Hello, pot, this is the kettle! You're black!
Girl: I am not black. What are you talking about?
Guy: It's a metaphor. Do you know what a metaphor is?
Girl: Yes -- it's a giant flaming rock that comes out of the sky. You never make any sense.
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Couples | Stupidity | Washington | Words | Posted 2007-10-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This, and I Live in Ohio
10-year-old girl on broken bike: This is why I hate my life!
Campground
Ohio
Perfect for Showcasing Your Upper-Arm Bruises
Little girl: What do you think, Mommy?
Overenthusiastic mom: That's a cute little wife beater!
Target
Fayetteville, Arizona
Overheard by: D00M5D4YCH1CK3N