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September 2007 Archives
Which Perhaps You Wouldn't Even Have If You Laid Off the Beer
Drunk man: I'm trashed to the tits!
Harvard
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Head
Categories: Drunks | Massachusetts | Rack | Posted 2007-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Birth of the Pork Smoothie
Restaurant owner: Hey! I want you to come in here -- I got something that, when you put it in your mouth, it's gonna knock your socks off.
Regular: Oh, yeah? Is it a food or a drink?
Restaurant owner: Well, both, actually...
4th Street
Rochester, Michigan
And the Cat Keeps Eating It
Customer: I want to return this mouse.
CSR: Okay. May I ask why?
Customer: No, you'll laugh at me.
CSR: I promise I won't.
Customer: Every time I move it around it squeaks.
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Customers | Technology | Posted 2007-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Hope I'm Filled with Marshmallow
16-year-old girl: Organs are icky. I hope I don't have any.
Biology class, Carmel College
Brisbane
Australia
Categories: Australia | Bimbettes | Body parts | Posted 2007-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Insist
Girl arguing her bad translation is correct: Wait, this sentence says, 'I am... To be... Entered'!
Grad-level French class
California
Overheard by: Not Willing
Categories: California | Language barrier | Students | Posted 2007-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Like Being Celibate, but Without the Effort
Man: I just get turned on by nuclear holocausts.
Gateway High School
Florida
Overheard by: Pilbur
Categories: Creepsters | Florida | Getting off | Posted 2007-09-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There's a Drag Ball at Grandpa's Nursing Home Tonight
Girl to friend: So, how many skirts do you know that are made for the figure of a man?
Priestley College
Warrington
England
Overheard by: RuncornianAsh
Not Moonlite Bunny Ranch Caliber, Either
Girl #1: I know her. She's a skank.
Mother: Really?
Girl #2: Yeah. You can smell the hooker coming off of her.
Cambridge, Ohio
Um, There's No One There
Girl, pointing: That kid -- he's my new friend.
Friend: What? That tiny kid?
Girl: Yeah. You said I need a new friend. That kid is my new friend.
Friend: Whatever.
Girl: I think his name is Kyle.
Cosmo Park
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Kelsey
Categories: Bimbettes | Missouri | Names | Relationships | Posted 2007-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hillary Goes Right for the Marrow
Woman on cell: Well, how long will rehab take? Oh, yes, the biting problem... She's hasn't broken the skin in a while, though.
DSW Shoes
Framingham, Massachusetts
Overheard by: mt
Categories: Gossip | Massachusetts | On the phone | Posted 2007-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Answer Him, Bitch!
Little boy blowing into wrapping paper tube: Is this too loud, Mommy? [Mom is silent.] Mommy, is that too loud? [Silence, so boy screams] Was that loud enough for you, Mommy?!
Target
Laguna Niguel, California
Categories: California | Kids | Questions | Posted 2007-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Should Have Gotten It with Extra Butter
Girl #1: I dare you to make out with that piece of popcorn. [Friend makes out with popcorn.]
Girl #2: I make out with my mirror all the time.
Girl #1: Oh, honey, that's just sad.
Makeout girl: My lips feel dry...
Herndon Festival
Herndon, Virginia
Overheard by: Carly
Categories: Chicks | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Virginia | Posted 2007-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Not Having Them
Teacher explaining colonization: It all started with rubbers!
Maine
Overheard by: vampire hunter
Ow! What the Hell?
Conductor: Plenty of seats in the rear, folks!
Old guy, making way through crowd: I'll take one in the rear!
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: liz the whiz
Categories: Backdoor | Conductors | Old folks | Overheard in Philly | Posted 2007-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Mediterranean Guys? Really?
Girl #1: You know, I think I really like this guy.
Girl #2: What's his name again?
Girl #1: Andreas. He's from Greece. He's really cute.
Girl #2: Yeah, but be careful with those Mediterranean guys. They seem all well and good, but sooner or later they all try to fuck you in the ass.
Harrison Street and 19th Avenue
Hollywood, Florida
Overheard by: it's funny 'cause it's true
Not That Those Have Ever Been Mutually Exclusive
Woman: Do you like your daycare?
Little girl: It's okay. They're Christian, but they're really mean.
Austin, Texas
Categories: Christianity | Kids | Texas | Posted 2007-09-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Allow Me to Draw a Penis on Your Forehead
Professor: What is the Magic Marker-ness of the Magic Marker?
Monmouth University
New Jersey
Categories: New Jersey | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2007-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can We Start Over?
Girl running for bus: Thank you!
Bus driver: Wait at the right stop.
Girl: Lose some weight.
Bus driver: Get off my bus.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: talks before she thinks
Categories: Biotechs | Bus drivers | Insults | Washington | Posted 2007-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Only If Thumper Was Already Taken
Teen boy #1: So, out of all the Disney princesses, which one would you get nasty with?
Teen boy #2: What? That's gross shit, man. They're cartoons! You're disgusting.
Teen boy #1, after pause: So, the Little Mermaid?
Teen boy #2: Word.
Fall River, Massachusetts
Categories: Massachusetts | Movies | Teens | Posted 2007-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Britney Spears Has Become Amorphous
Worker #1, to guy checking watch repeatedly: God! You're such a spaz!
Worker #2: I'm a spaz? You're the one who has to sort your rubber bands by color, size, and shape.
Worker #1: Shape? Rubber bands only come in one shape!
Worker #2: Well, you sort the broken and unbroken ones.
Worker #1: ... Broken isn't a shape.
Monsanto break room
Waterman, Illinois
Gorilla: Can't Be Worse Than Taco Bell
Woman watching gorilla eat poo: I'm sorry, but there is no way I evolved from that.
Oklahoma City Zoo
Oklahoma
Overheard by: Mikie
Thanks a Lot, Abstinence Only Education
Guy on phone: So, wait -- if he put it in yo' butt that mean the baby gon' come out yo' ass?
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: flash
Categories: On the phone | Overheard in Philly | Pregnancy | Questions | Posted 2007-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Pink Bow Might Be Pretty
Preppy teen girl #1: Well, do you like her?
Preppy teen girl #2: I mean, yeah, I like her... But she has got to do something about her mustache!
Newport News, Virginia
Overheard by: Sam
Lindsay Lohan Stars in Yellow Fever
Chick: Oh my god, Marissa! I just met a guy who's looking for a girl to pee on him.
Marissa: I would totally do that!
Chick: I know! That's why I told you.
Marissa: Let's go find him!
Nightlight Lounge
Bellingham, Washington
Categories: Chicks | Pee | Washington | Posted 2007-09-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What If We Have Tea and Just Look Out the Window?
Girl on phone: Come on! Join me for a cup of coffee. We'll finish studying and then we'll jump out of the window!
University of Trieste
Italy
Overheard by: MissKinney
Categories: Italy | On the phone | Time Management | Posted 2007-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Yummy Potpourri Potato
Girl #1: I ate this thing... It was, like, a candle. Or a potato.
Girl #2: No, no, it was a potato.
West Junior High School
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Kelsey
What Did You Expect Your Dentist to Do?
Hoochie: I strategically wore a skirt and he didn't even try anything!
West Campus
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Molly
Also Known As "Wind"
Grad student #1: That waiter is wearing a toupée!
Grad student #2: No, he isn't!
Grad student #1: Yes, he is! Some people have gay-dar -- I have toupée-dar!
5 Points South
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Eric
This Line Is Three Hours Long. Got to Pass the time Somehow
High school girl #1, screaming: Oh my god!
High school girl #2: What happened?!
High school girl #1, pointing at girl #3: She just shoved her finger up my crotch!
Space Mountain line, Disneyland
California
Overheard by: bobbie the tortfeasor
Categories: California | Foreplay | Teens | Posted 2007-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Rabbi Is Huge
Chick: Wow, you're radiating!
Sunburned girl: Yeah, that's the sunburn. Oh, and the fact that I get really horny during exams, and all I can think about is boning... C'mon, you know you all do it.
Chick: Yeah, I go to synagogue for that.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Chicks | Getting off | Gossip | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2007-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Guys Give Me the Willies
Teen girl: God, sisters can be annoying.
Single child: I don't have any. Hey, Abby*, do you have siblings?
Abby: Yeah... A younger brother who's always calling for advice.
Breeder: Andrew, right?
Abby: That's him. He's always calling me. 'Abby, I want to upgrade from dating stupid, ugly girls to pretty, ugly girls -- how do I do it? Abby, what color looks better on me, cream or salmon?'
Only male: Right, the not-exactly-gay brother.
Abby, ignoring him: 'Abby, I was watching porn and my penis twitched sideways -- what do I do?'
Purple-haired girl: What?
Teen girl: I hate to admit it, but if my penis was twitching sideways, I'd call you for advice.
Breeder: So, did you know?
Abby: Guys, I was 13! Of course I didn't know!
Only male: But you know now?
Abby, as entire group stares: ... Three possibilities.
Only male: I'll call you, then, if my penis twitches sideways.
Steak 'n Shake
Arkansas
I Wouldn't Order That Here, Honey
Six-year-old girl: Ask me what my favorite thing in the world is!
Mom: Okay, what's your favorite thing in the world?
Six-year-old girl: Escargot!
Sherwood Diner
Westport, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Food | Kids | Moms | Posted 2007-09-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Nurse My Hurt Feelings Over by the Menopause Section
Little boy: Mommy, whats a M.I.L.F.?
Mom: Well, honey, it's a... Wait, someone called me a M.I.L.F.?
Little boy: No, Bobby's mom.
Mom: Well, then, it's not important. Go play.
Barnes & Noble
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: i'd like to see bobby's mom next PTA meeting
It's Good to Have Plans
Drunk girl: I want to find a really kinky man tonight and shit on his chest.
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Drunks | Kink | Overheard in Melbourne's Journal | Poop | Posted 2007-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No, but at the Rate They Inbreed, It Will Be
Teen girl #1: Oh my gosh, look -- Catholic school kids!
Teen girl #2: Erica! Don't say that!
Teen girl #1: What? ... Is that racist?
Franklin Institute
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: not catholic
Categories: Names | Pennsylvania | Teens | Posted 2007-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Late for Our Circle Jerk
Guy on cell: Hey... Rainy... Ummm, well, yeah I've kind of played with it, but not to fruition. Hold on, I'm on the L in Chicago. Hey, guys, Jeff* wants to know if you've ever masturbated while driving on a long car trip.
Friend #1: No.
Friend #2: No.
Guy on cell: Nick* and Joe* say no. Hey, um, I gotta go...
Chicago L
Illinois
Overheard by: J to the P
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Illinois | Masturbation | Posted 2007-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sex, Death...
Punk chick #1: Well, it's just... I'm confused...
Punk chick #2: It's okay, it's summer! There are a lot of confusing things in the air, like love... and pollen.
Maryland
A Hung Jury
Guy: Well, I'm not gay.
Girl: The jury is still out on that.
Guy: Fine. Let me know when the jury gets in.
Girl: Let me know when you have sex again!
Derby, Connecticut
Overheard by: Jess
Categories: Connecticut | Friends | Gossip | Posted 2007-09-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Feel So Guilty about Being Aroused
Guy, about Betty Boop: She's like a pin-up with Down Syndrome.
Equipe High School
São Paulo
Brazil
Overheard by: laughing my ass off
And a Fascist Participates in "Facials"?
Wadsworth character in the movie Clue: You see, my secret is that my wife was a socialist.
Girl watching the film: So, does that mean that she was a prostitute or something?
French class, All Saints High School
Whitby, Ontario
Canadia
You Make a Valid Point
Chick: He's a cool guy! I mean, maybe he's not a cynic like us...
Dude: Well, then he can just go die.
Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
And We're Fresh Out of Gym-Sock Substitute
Employee to another: You gotta stay focused! He's gonna run out of meat! You're letting him run out of meat!
McDonald's
Asheville, North Carolina
Overheard by: Mrs. BigMac
Categories: Advice | Employees | North Carolina | Posted 2007-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Seems So Intimate
Drunk chick: I wouldn't have known I hooked up with anyone if I hadn't found his swipe card in my bra on the floor... Should I send him an e-mail?
Washington and Lee University
Lexington, Virginia
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drunks | E-mail | Sex | Virginia | Posted 2007-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Any Test, Really
Emo teen girl with water bottle: I mean, it's not like I'm drinking all this just to pass a drug test. It would be nice to pass one, though...
Jenks, Oklahoma
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Oklahoma | Teens | Posted 2007-09-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook