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August 2007 Archives
Midterms?
Guy #1: Dude, the prof is such a bitch!
Guy #2: Yeah, it must've been that time of the month for her.
Girl: That is, like, so incredibly sexist! Ugh! [Storms off.]
Guy #2: What the hell was that all about?
Guy #1: Must be that time of month for her, too.
Guy #2: For real.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Gripes | Idiots | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2007-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Look That Up in the Fetish Dictionary
Chick: I just want to rub some ointment containing scopolamine and atropine on a broomstick, stick it in my cooch, and fly away!
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: tiffany
Categories: Chicks | Overheard at Western | Vagina | Posted 2007-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jesus: The One Guy Whose Shit Didn't Stink
High chick spotting dirty hippie: Oooh! He's cute!
Drunk chick: No, he's dirty!
High chick: He looks like Jesus!
Sober chick: He might look like Jesus, but he smells like shit!
Arizona
Overheard by: Designated Driver
Oh, I'm Sure There's Some Sick Fuck Out There
Professor, trying to explain something entirely unrelated to elephants: I mean, no one wants their elephant to explode!
Planetary Geology class, Mississippi State University
Mississippi
Overheard by: blondie
Categories: Education | Mississippi | Teachers | Posted 2007-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like When Daddy Wears Your Clothes?
Mom reading book: This says 'odd.' Do you know what 'odd' means? It means something is funny or weird. Like when you said you wanted to eat a rock -- that was odd.
Red Line train
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Sitting behind them trying not to laugh
Categories: Moms | Washington, DC | Words | Posted 2007-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Trying to Keep the Predators Away, Sweetie
Whispering mom: Don't play with your skirt like that. You know what you forgot this morning.
Three-year-old, loudly: Panties!
Dunkin' Donuts
Virginia
Overheard by: callumny
We Believe That's "Poofed"
Little girl looking at display of puffed wheat snacks: What's the difference between puffed and fried?
Mom: Puffed is better for you, so you can eat more of them.
Little girl: But I don't like puffed.
Dad: Puffed is gay.
Crossroads Market
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Laura
Oh, Jeff Goldblum -- No You Don't
Man on cell: I know she just thinks I'm this creepy guy, but I know better.
YMCA
Cary, North Carolina
Categories: Gossip | North Carolina | On the phone | YMCA | Posted 2007-08-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some Are Born to Greatness; Others Have It Thrust into Them
Bimbette #1: Chris* has the biggest dick ever. I mean, how does someone's dick get to be that big?!
Bimbette #2: Yeah, I wonder how that's determined. Like, what side of the family?
Bimbette #1: Yeah, I don't think I want to have boys and have to deal with stuff like that... [Trails off as guy in front of them turns his head and then keeps walking. Both girls stop dead in their tracks.]
Bimbette #2: Oh my god, that's him.
University of Texas
Austin, Texas
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Penis | Texas | Posted 2007-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Guess I Could Donate the One from My Private Collection
Girl #1: Oh, man, I still have to contribute money for the grad gift.
Girl #2: Yeah, I had to do that yesterday.
Girl #1: What sucks is that you have no say as to how the gift is used. I mean, a portrait of Professor Erickson* is nice, but a statue of Professor Erickson fighting a bear... Now that would be amazing!
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Categories: Gossip | Overheard at Western | Students | Posted 2007-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Must Have Been Kirstie Alley's Waiter at Some Point
Dude #1: Dude, have you ever, y'know, worked with slop?
Dude #2: Yeah, I've done it.
Dude #1: No, seriously, dude -- you've never been there... with the trough...
Dude #2: Dude, I totally have too done it.
Dude #1: When?
Dude #2: I dunno, man, but I've done it.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: florack
Categories: Gossip | Idiots | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From Anne of Green Gables? Really?
Professor: I guess one lesson we can take from this book is to never slap a Chinese warlord.
20th Century World Novel class, Mississippi State University
Mississippi
Overheard by: blondie
Categories: Advice | Mississippi | Teachers | Posted 2007-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My What Now?
Bimbette #1: Let me turn on the flash -- it's dark in here.
Bimbette #2, after picture: Oh my god, that was so bright! That was like when the cop shined the flashlight in my eyes at my DUI.
Bimbette #3: Could he see your brain?
Movie theater
Ridgefield Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Big J
Categories: Bimbettes | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2007-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
December Was Cancelled after Santa Died
Teen: So, there is this shirt that says 'Florida: Where America goes to die.'
Friend: I wouldn't want to move to Florida when I get old -- it's too hot. Especially in August.
Teen: But that's only one month out of 11.
New Jersey
Overheard by: Miss Fabulous
Categories: New Jersey | Stupidity | Teens | Posted 2007-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aaand... They're Off!
New bride: Should I get this bag for my mother-in-law?
Friend: Will it make her love you?
New bride: No... Fuck that bitch.
Saratoga Springs, New York
Overheard by: louise
Categories: Chicks | Family ties | New York | Posted 2007-08-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Thing to Have Shoved Down Your Throat? We Doubt It.
Girl in dorm bathroom: I just love it when they shove evolution down my throat! That's my favorite...
University of Wisconsin
Wisconsin
Preferably Not Even by You
Girl straddling guy on student lounge sofa: I want to suck your face off.
Guy: I'm just trying to get laid.
Boston University Central
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Vomiting in mouth
Categories: Couples | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Massachusetts | Sex | Posted 2007-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Since It Squirted Me
Preppy girl: I want a t-shirt! I mean, I stuck my head in a vagina -- I totally deserve one!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: what would you do for a tee shirt?
Categories: Overheard at Cornell | Preppies | Vagina | Posted 2007-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Puked until My Stomach Was Empty
10-year-old: Hey, I think I'm swimming extra good tonight!
Friend: Yeah? Why is that?
10-year-old: I think it's because we just got back from Red Lobster.
Waterford, Michigan
Overheard by: Gary Lewis
How We Feel about Everything West of New York
Man to wife, thoughtfully: Everything south of San Francisco could just... just fall into the water, and it wouldn't really matter.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Catherine
And Then Kill Them All, Execution Style!
Girl: I love this new toothpaste I got. It has green tea in it and tastes absolutely fantastic. It feels like there's a tea party going on in my mouth, and I just want to invite my teddy bears or something!
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: Ali and Livi
Like That Time You Dragged Me to Popeye's
Tourist at Folklife Festival: You're just looking for an excuse to take a picture of a black person.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Race | Tourists | Posted 2007-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only Small Craft Can Sail the Narrows
Guy on cell: Hey! What are you doing? Having a good time? ... You have a small cooter -- why else would you be having fun?!
Chiswick Road and Commonwealth Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Beantown Babe
Categories: Gossip | Massachusetts | On the phone | Posted 2007-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Special Thanks to the Four Horsemen for Being So Flexible
Professor, going over syllabus: Because of schedule changes, the apocalypse will be postponed.
Seminary classroom
North Carolina
Overheard by: good, that gives me another week
Categories: Education | North Carolina | Teachers | Posted 2007-08-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Good Point. From Now on, I'll Just Yell about Yours
Dude: So, is it true that you have herpes?
Drunk girl #1: What?! No!
Dude: Thank god!
Drunk girl #1: I had chlamydia and now I have HPV. I only told two people, and now the whole town thinks I have herpes!
Dude: [Stares.]
Drunk girl #1, crying: Why does everyone know about my diseases?!
Drunk girl #2: Because you go to the bar, get trashed, and yell about it?
Bar
Newark, Ohio
No, That's Old People
Little kid #1, looking at mummies: Dad, are there dead people in there?
Dad: No, I don't think so.
Little kid #2: Yeah, there are. That's why it smells so bad.
Museum of Fine Arts
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Kids | Massachusetts | Questions | Posted 2007-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Doing It with Your Teeth?
Girl #1: Whatever happened to that bird?
Guy: Which one? The original?
Girl #1: Yeah.
Guy: It's in Professor Long's* lab. I put it in a bag and squeezed the air out, so it shouldn't be rotting too much.
Girl #2: It's going to smell so bad when you open it.
Guy: No, it won't...
Girl #2: Uh, yeah it will. You'd better open it up, drop it, and run away for a few hours.
Guy: Oh, come on, for Christ's sake! After I removed the scent glands from a skunk with my bare hands and sawed its head off, what could be worse?!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: kinda creeped out
Categories: Animals | Death & dying | Overheard at Cornell | Students | Posted 2007-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Eventually My Other Personalities Came Out to Play
20-ish woman: I never realized how boring I was until I spent a night in jail and only had myself... And I'm really boring.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: try singing hymns
Categories: Gripes | Insults | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That's How I Got AIDS
American tourist: It all started when I said, 'Hey, Dave, are you up for a sword fight?'
Temple Bar
Dublin
Ireland
Used to Be Carnival Prizes Were Things Like Stuffed Giraffes
Dude: I think I'll take the bean bag over the butt sex.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Backdoor | Eavesdrop DC | Guys | Posted 2007-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Do Your Best and I'll Laugh at You
Bimbette, inquiring about exam during review: Yeah, but, like -- what if you, like, can't think that hard?
Ohio University
Athens, Ohio
Here's a Coloring Book to Occupy You Otherwise
Bar fly to another entering bathroom: ... And don't go sticking your dick in my kebab again!
Enmore
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Algy_non
Categories: Australia | Body parts | Drunks | Posted 2007-08-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But the International Conference of Freudians Orders Tons of Them Every Year
Professor: You'd have to be quite clever to make people care about Polish sausages.
Texas Woman's University
Denton, Texas
Categories: Philosophy | Teachers | Texas | Posted 2007-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Jealous of Their Melanin
White girl: I don't know why I don't like dark-skinned people...
White guy: Maybe because you're a racist?
White girl, annoyed: Nooo... I just don't like them.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Overheard at McGill | Race | Whiteys | Posted 2007-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Didn't Drop the Other One on the Floor
Dude, approaching table of people: Excuse me? Hi, I noticed you put your salad in the microwave, and I was just wondering... Why?
Asian guy: Why not?
Dude: Well, it's just... you had two... And you didn't put the other one in... I have to know!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: a'da
Categories: Overheard at Cornell | Questions | Strangers | Posted 2007-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because I'm Tired of Being Uncle Walter's
Kid: Mommy, if I were invisible, would I be Daddy's imaginary friend or yours?
Flynn & O'Hara's
Rockville, Maryland
You Know What to Do
40-year-old virgin #1: Did I tell you I beat Mortal Kombat?
40-year-old virgin #2: Uh-uh.
40-year-old virgin #1: Well, I did, and now my life has no meaning.
Birmingham, Alabama
Categories: Alabama | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Games | Posted 2007-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You Going to Tell Me This Story or Not?
Man #1: I seen Jimmy the other day cuttin' grass at my brother's.
Man #2: Which brother?
Man #1: How many brothers I got?
Man #2: Two.
Man #1: Well, which one of 'em gets their grass cut by Jimmy?
McDonough, Georgia
Overheard by: lesley arango
Because That Upcoming Chess Tournament Won't Win Itself
Mom to little kid: How was Tae Kwon Do, honey? Did you learn how to break someone's nose?
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: jeff
Categories: Moms | Overheard Lines | Questions | Posted 2007-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Don't Think the Porn Mass Is Ever Going to Win Vatican Approval
Woman: ... And he walked down the church aisle and just started licking himself!
King of Prussia Mall
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Zofie
Categories: Gossip | Ladies who lunch | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-08-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Usually It's the Banana That Gets Forced In
Dude: What did you bring for lunch?
Chick: A banana.
Dude: Won't you be hungry?
Chick: No, I'll eat it really slowly. That way it'll last the whole day and I won't worry about eating until I get home.
Dude: The whole day? Won't it get brown and nasty? Do you want me to buy you a sandwich?
Chick: I said I'm eating a goddamn banana. Stop forcing your devil food into me!
overheardinchicago.blogspot.com
Categories: Food | Friends | Overheard in Chicago | Posted 2007-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, Is That a Gypsy Over There?
Cranky mom: Don't touch that!
Cranky four-year-old: I don't like you!
Cranky mom: Good. I don't like you, either.
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Overheard by: Sally Ravenswood
Categories: California | Insults | Moms | Posted 2007-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Cowering in Surrender?
Newbie: How do I know when the French toast is done?
Supervisor: When it looks like French toast.
Oceanview Terrace dining hall, UCSD
San Diego, California
Categories: Bosses | California | Colleges & Universities | Employees | Food | Questions | Time Management | Posted 2007-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They're Made of Kiln-Fired Yak Dung with Sisal Straps
Woman: Are these sandals man-made?
Clerk: The materials?
Woman: No, are these sandals man-made? Like, are they organic?
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Idiots | Overheard in California's Journal | Shoes | Posted 2007-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But She Did, and Then Sean Preston Was Born
Loud girl: Why would she have sex with a head injury?
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Body parts | Canadia | Girls | Health & Hygiene | Overheard at McGill | Questions | Sex | Students | Posted 2007-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sure, Alberto. Sure.
Yelling man: Don't try to pick my pocket! I'm in the FBI! I have a badge! I know the Constitution! I could kill you!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: b!X
Categories: Crazies | Overheard in PDX | Threats | Posted 2007-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Flopsy's Bringing Some Chronic Shit
Girl on cell, completely serious: There's a party tonight, and the theme is bunnies.
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Gossip | On the phone | Overheard at BU | Posted 2007-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now I'll Never Be Able to Run for Office As a Republican
Frat boy: Dude, the dumbest thing I ever did was graduate...
Wall Street
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: alexis
Categories: Florida | Frat boy types | Gripes | Posted 2007-08-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Generally, Yes.
20-ish girl: Wait... Is it the Specific Ocean or the Pacific Ocean?
Sarasota, Florida
Why Not Politics?
Student: I decided to be a speech communication major because I like to talk a lot, and I wanted to find a way where I could get a job that makes me a lot of money for using my mouth.
San Francisco State University
California
Categories: Jobs & Careers | San Francisco | Students | Posted 2007-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When It's My Turn, You Won't Have to Be
Girl: Slower, and harder. Down!
Guy: You're very patient.
Shout-out: overheardatstanford.blogspot.com
Categories: Compliments | Friends | Overheard at Stanford | Posted 2007-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Llamas: Jeez, Who Could Live Up to That?
Harried mom pushing stroller and toting three minions: Do you wanna see the llamas? We're gonna see the llamas! Don't you wanna see the llamas?!
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Animals | Moms | Overheard in California's Journal | Posted 2007-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You're Okay with the Second Half of That Sentence?
Stoned guy: Don't beat me up! I don't want to be bruised tomorrow when my mom sees me naked!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Family ties | Overheard at McGill | Stoners | Posted 2007-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Me It's Just Another Thing I Have to Clean
Dude: Have you ever masturbated?
Chick: Uh... No...
Dude: Seriously? To me that's like... like standing in front of a house of cards for, like, 18 years and just never being like, 'I'm going to tip that shit over.'
Eugene, Oregon
Categories: Girls | Gripes | Guys | Masturbation | Oregon | Time Management | Posted 2007-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, Where's My Dick
Dude: No way, man! That sucks!
Friend: I know, right?
Dude: That sucks!
Friend: It gets worse -- so, we were in JoAnn Fabrics for two more hours...
Moscow, Idaho
You're Definitely a Man
Freshman boy #1: Are you a man now?
Freshman boy #2: Yeah.
Freshman boy #3: It was that fast?
Outside Beaver [all girl's dorm], Denison University
Granville, Ohio
Overheard by: L. A. DiLalla
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gossip | Guys | Ohio | Time Management | Virginity | Posted 2007-08-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Don't Have to Pay for Everything
Mom to 10-year-old son: I can't wait until you're 21 so that you can buy us beers.
T-Bones baseball game
Kansas City, Kansas
Overheard by: Teri
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Kansas | Moms | Posted 2007-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Me, Too!
Girl on street: I like your hat!
Man on bike: Thank you!
Girl on street: I was just kidding!
Shout-out: www.overheardquote.com
Categories: Insults | Overheard Quote | Strangers | Posted 2007-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
From Now On, I Leave the Octopus in the Tank
Dude to friend: I was sitting and then it squirted all over my shirt...
Shout-out: overheardatstanford.blogspot.com
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Overheard at Stanford | Posted 2007-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Didn't Work Out
Worried junior: Oh my god, Betty, we are totally not sitting in the loser section today. Today we are going to be cool.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: inthecoolsection
Categories: Overheard at Cornell | Pride | Students | Posted 2007-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Use a Condom, Or He'll Deconstruct Your Penis
Girl: Have you read Derrida?
Guy: Who?
Girl: Derrida! If you're going to go to France and get laid, you've got to know who Derrida is.
Berkeley BART
California
Overheard by: Rhiannon Stone
Categories: Advice | California | Friends | Posted 2007-08-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Gonna Win This Science Fair for Sure!
Girl to guy: You get the starch, condoms and Red Bull. I will get the rest.
Austin, Texas
Can't Wait 'til They Go Up against Hillary's Flying Monkeys
Girl #1: How come the pigeons don't die when they hop on that third rail?
Girl #2: Because they're Dick Cheney's unholy army of the night.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: I'm glad I couldn't vote back then
The Fact That I Never Received Payment
Lesbo on cell: What part of 'You're a dirty whore I wish I'd never fucked' do you not understand?!
Austin, Texas
Or It Could Just Be the Alcohol Affecting My Balance
Drunk girl #1: I totally feel like there's going to be an earthquake any day now.
Drunk girl #2: I know, this is totally earthquake weather.
Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: made my next round a double
Categories: California | Drunks | Stupidity | Posted 2007-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And What Gets It Out of Silk?
Hot chick: What the hell is egg nog?
Shout-out: overheardina2.blogspot.com
Overheard by: eston
Categories: Chicks | Overheard in Ann Arbor | Questions | Posted 2007-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Okay, So There's No Neurological Damage
Student: Oh my god, Suzie! What happened?!
Suzie: I got in a car wreck.
Student: With what?!
Suzie: ... A car.
Delaware
Overheard by: Chey
It's Not Funny-Haha...
Dude #1: So, we should do some sort of a school prank.
Dude #2: Wouldn't it be cool if we poisoned all the acorns on campus and had all the squirrels eat them and die? Imagine -- dead squirrels everywhere.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: anonymous
Categories: Animals | Frat boy types | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yup! How's Your Vaginal Discharge?
Girl to guy friend: So, is your ball sack sweaty like yesterday?
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: K.
Categories: Friends | Questions | Washington | Posted 2007-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or at Least on the Photos We'll Be Passing Out
Hot chick to another: You look so good! Guys will be jerking off on you tonight!
Vallejo Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Compliments | Friends | San Francisco | Posted 2007-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Accidentally Called Garfield "Magical Mr. Mistoffelees" the Other Day
Creepster: There are so many internet cats in my life I can't keep them all straight!
301 Heller Drive
Santa Cruz, California
Categories: California | Creepsters | Internet | Posted 2007-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Would You Care for a Valium?
Obsessive girl: Who do you think would win between a pig and a bat? I think a bat would win!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Bimbettes | Overheard at McGill | Stupidity | Posted 2007-08-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
High School Cafeteria Goes Up in Flames, Population Scientists Say, "Excellent!"
Chick: Look, if you're out sniper-ing hobos, it's not assassination!
Boyfriend: Nope, it's population control.
High school cafeteria
Englewood, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Couples | Philosophy | Posted 2007-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And This Is a... Bad Thing?
Man: I feel it more in my shoulders than in my colon.
Woman: I don't feel it in my colon either!
Shout-out: overheardinjxn.blogspot.com
Categories: Couples | Gossip | Overheard in Jackson | Posted 2007-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Know, with the Caverns
Teacher: Alright, how many of you have been to a national park?
Student #1: I've been to Yellowstone.
Teacher: Okay, good. Anyone else?
Bimbette: Oh, I've been to Central Park.
Student #2: That isn't near anything that has any geographical importance.
Bimbette: Yeah, it does. It's in Pennsylvania. Duh.
Oklahoma
Overheard by: lauren.
Give or Take
Confused customer: So, how much is this 30-cent gum?
Employee: Um, 25 cents.
Shout-out: overheardatthemecca.blogspot.com
Categories: Idiots | Overheard At The Mecca | Stupidity | Posted 2007-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Still Love You, Even with the Scars
Guy to girlfriend: I wasn't rooting for you. I was rooting for the hyenas.
Monterey, California
Overheard by: me too
Categories: California | Couples | Insults | Posted 2007-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Over Easy
Guy #1, about super tan waitress: Wow, she's well done. I prefer medium-well.
Guy #2: Yeah, me, too. I like a little pink.
Lincoln, Nebraska
Overheard by: evh
But It's a Miracle Diet
Chick: I was just in the bathroom trying to throw up, and I just can't do it! I just gag. A penis can make me throw up, but my own two fingers cant... I hate giving blowjobs.
Montclair State University
Montclair, New Jersey
Overheard by: BTON
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Gripes | Hands | Health & Hygiene | New Jersey | Penis | Posted 2007-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is a Frilly Lace Thong Too Much to Ask?
Four-year-old boy: I said, all I want is underwear!
Banana Republic
Smithfield, North Carolina
Overheard by: Bryan
Categories: Kids | North Carolina | Undies | Posted 2007-08-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Better to... Ah, Fuck It.
Black guy kissing his girlfriend, looking into her eyes: Mmm... Your vagina's so juicy.
Leaning on a school bus
Alabama
Overheard by: Joe
The Dressing Will Lube My Inner Thighs for the Next Long Ride
Sad dude: The great thing about being a bike courier is that my muscles no longer respond to commands unrelated to bicycling. For instance, I just spilled a Caesar salad all over my pants.
Shout-out: www.overheardquote.com
Categories: Guys | Jobs & Careers | Overheard Quote | Posted 2007-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Solid, Liquid, or Gas?
Kid: Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom.
Mom: It's not too late, is it?
Kid: No, I just let out a little stinker.
Shout-out: overheardinlakecounty.blogspot.com
Categories: Moms | Overheard in Lake County | Poop | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also, Dead Horses
Girl #1: Ewww, that tastes like glue! I mean, I imagine if I knew what glue tasted like, it would taste like that.
Girl #2: You know what tastes like glue? Rice noodles.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: scott
Categories: Bimbettes | Overheard at Cornell | Stupidity | Posted 2007-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Use the Other End
Drunk hetero: You're gay, he's gay, so what's the problem?
Drunk queer: He just threw up all over himself.
Drunk hetero: You take what you can get.
The White Front Bar
Philipsburg, Montana
Categories: Cleanliness | Drunks | Montana | Posted 2007-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So He Sends Other Stones to Fight in Iraq
Bitter guy: Men and women are like stones in a river that lived next to each other for a long time... But one of the stones is a stupid confused idiot who doesn't ever want to be happy or for any stones anywhere to be freaking happy.
Eugene, Oregon
Ours Has Mange
Chick #1: Were you the one that just put Fun-Fur-All over her living room ceiling?
Chick #2: Not recently. Why?
Commercial Drive
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Vangirl
Carrying around a Dead Cat Also Works
Guy: Have you ever wanted to just die for a day, just so people would leave you alone?
Ursinus College
Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Andrew Nagy
Categories: Grumpies | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2007-08-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Inhale, and Then Ask Me Again
Bimbette #1: This is in good shape considering it was under six feet of water.
Bimbette #2: It's not still underwater, is it?
New Orleans, Louisiana
The Touring Production of Hairspray
Girl #1: I'm really scared right now! What are they doing? They're going to break into some sort of big orgy any second!
Girl #2: It looks like some sort of weird sacrificial dance!
Girl #3: Yeah, like they're getting ready to sacrifice a lamb!
Girl #2: Or a virgin!
Girl #1: Can they stop?! They're giving me goosebumps! What are they doing?! Stop!
Shout-out: overheardinsydney.blogspot.com
Categories: Chicks | Gripes | Overheard in Sydney | Posted 2007-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With the Lawnmower
Woman #1, wearing an arm cast: Yeah, so my husband broke his hand now, too.
Woman #2: How'd he do that?
Woman #1: I ran it over with my car.
Woman #2: Why?!
Woman #1: Well, he ran mine over first!
Woman #2: I guess I can see that as a good reason...
Shout-out: overheardinlakecounty.blogspot.com
Categories: Gossip | Ladies who lunch | Overheard in Lake County | Posted 2007-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Knew I Should Have Signed Up for Praying Mantis Kung Fu!
Sorostitute #1: You can't fail gym!
Sorostitute #2: Um, yes you can. I have a 'U' on my transcript in Swedish massage and yoga.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: rv
Categories: Bimbettes | Education | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
This Calls for Our Complimentary "Maternity" Shot
Bartender to woman with two drinks: Double-fisting it tonight? You must be really thirsty.
Woman, patting stomach: Well, I'm drinking for two.
Bartender, excited: Congratulations!
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Emma
Categories: Bartenders | California | Drinking & drunks | Posted 2007-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Volcano Erupts Once a Month, Though
Lab-mate #1, looking at pictures: Wouldn't that be great if it really existed?
Lab-mate #2: Definitely.
Lab-mate #1: Then people could say, 'Where you going?' and I'd say, 'I'm going to Pussy Mountain.'
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Gossip | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
At Least Judging by Your Letters of Reference
White kid #1: Yo, you think he gay?
Black kid: No, I think you gay.
White kid #2: Yo, how did you know?
White kid #1: I blew him, you idiot.
White kid #2: Did he really?
Black kid: I guess you could call it head.
White kid #2: Where was I when that shit went down?
Black kid: I don't know, but you woulda done a better job.
Inner Harbor
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Mykl
But My Anal Beads Respond Better to The Cure
Chick #1, perusing CDs: The Ramones? I've never really listened to them. Are they any good?
Chick #2: Oh, yeah, I listen to them all the time when I'm using my vibrator!
Shout-out: overheardina2.blogspot.com
Overheard by: chris
Categories: Chicks | Music | Overheard in Ann Arbor | Toys | Posted 2007-08-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But 40's a Little Old to Be Tap Dancing with a Lollipop
Lady: Yeah, he's cute... for a seven-year-old girl.
Kenmore Square
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: H
Categories: Chicks | Insults | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sorry, Jethro. No Sheep Allowed in the Building
Dude: I have the best idea for a party -- dress as your favorite crime!
Shout-out: overheardatbrown.blogspot.com
Overheard by: A white collar criminal
Categories: Crimes | Guys | Overheard at Brown | Posted 2007-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hint: You're on the Wrong Track
White boy: I'm just a freshman. I don't know how to get bitches yet.
Shout-out: overheardatlc.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Gripes | Overheard at Loyola | Students | Whiteys | Posted 2007-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You in Some Way Coin-Operated?
Professor: It's like she said -- what's your name again?
Girl: Alandra.
Professor: Alandra. Okay, I'm going to try and remember that.
Girl: It's easy. Alandra. Just think of 'a laundromat.'
Shout-out: overheardatthemecca.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Names | Overheard At The Mecca | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Decided Her True Love Was Air Traffic Control
Hipster: Yeah, well, at least she stopped huffing paint.
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: anonymous
Categories: Drugs | Hipsters | Overheard in Philly | Posted 2007-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Great Finish, but Crappy Routine
Man jumping out of port-a-potty like a gymnast: ... And he sticks the landing!
Campground
Connecticut
Overheard by: only at DRAM
Categories: Bragging | Connecticut | Guys | Posted 2007-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Have to Recite an Affirmation Just to Get a Latte
Barista: I totally hate what rehab's done to coffee houses.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Baristas | Gripes | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Schizophrenics and Psychotics Do
Girl engineer: I should do LSD or something... Then I could, like, step outside my mind and solve all of these problems from, like, a greater depth of being.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: the sinister minister
Categories: Drugs | Idiots | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-08-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Maybe You Could Throw a Few of Those Stalkers My Way?
Girl #1: I hate being stalked over Facebook. They're also creepy guys that I'm not interested in. They are just wasting their time and mine.
Girl #2: It can't be that bad, can it?
Girl #1: You don't understand -- you're not pretty like me.
Shout-out: overheardina2.blogspot.com
Overheard by: kolby
Categories: Biotechs | Gripes | Insults | Overheard in Ann Arbor | Posted 2007-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Complexion, Teeth... Is There Anything Spunk Can't Do?
Sorostitute: I hear seminal fluid makes your teeth whiter.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: doug
Categories: Gossip | Overheard at Cornell | Sorority types | Posted 2007-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Thought There Were Only Two Holes
Man to another: Remember when we first started? We swung both ways.
Shout-out: www.overheardinchtown.blogspot.com
Overheard by: bp
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Overheard in Inchtown | Posted 2007-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Psh, What Fun Would That Be?
Girl to stupid friend: If you're going to lie, check your geography first.
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: stephanie
Categories: Advice | Friends | Overheard at Western | Posted 2007-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Got a Creme Brulee in the Oven, Motherfucker
Thug to pit bull on leash: What time are you gonna shit? ... No, seriously, what time?
Downtown Crossing
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: jchill
Categories: Massachusetts | Poop | Questions | Thugs | Posted 2007-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Raise Your Hand If You'd Like More Information
Chick: Apparently, I spout cooter.
El Cajon, California
Overheard by: RizzleBizzle
Categories: California | Chicks | Gossip | Posted 2007-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Your Country
Charity guy: Hello there. I'm Australian, and I'm giving out free hugs.
Girl: Okay then [hugs him].
Charity guy: What about your friends here?
Girl: Oh, they're German. They don't want hugs.
Redhill
Surrey
England
Nah, It's Something to Tell the Kid When He Gives You Lip
Dude to chick: But seriously, aren't you afraid that when you give birth you're going to shit yourself?
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Friends | Overheard at McGill | Questions | Posted 2007-08-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Speaker Pelosi Has Finally Had It
Designer suit on cell: No, dude, I talked to her. She's definitely going to call the cops on us.
Kentucky
Do You Tuck? I Tuck.
Confused girl to another: You're a man-whore? I'm a man-whore, too!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: anonymous
Categories: Bragging | Hoochies | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Drink Some of Each and Find Out
Dude: Wait, so is the stronger acid HCl or H2O?
Shout-out: overheardatstanford.blogspot.com
Categories: Guys | Overheard at Stanford | Questions | Posted 2007-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No, It's Not because I Couldn't Contact You, It's because That Would Mean You Were Cool
Guy #1: Oh, sorry, man. I forgot to tell you about it... If you were on Facebook, I would have invited you.
Guy #2, pissed: ... I live two doors down from you!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Canadia | Gripes | Guys | Overheard at McGill | Students | Technology | Posted 2007-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pat's Her Dustbuster
Sorority chick #1: Pat* and I hooked up last night, and now I have a hickey...
Sorority chick #2: What is he, in junior high? I didn't know people still did that.
Colgate University
Hamilton, New York
Overheard by: Evie
Categories: Gossip | New York | Sorority types | Posted 2007-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
According to This Fortune Cookie
Extremely drunk man: You know, I don't think prime numbers are going to introduce us to aliens... But I think Chuck Berry will.
The Old Hole
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: E
Rather Distracted the Rest of Us
Male student: Yeah, that's what you get when all the assignments aren't due 'til the end of the semester.
Female student: I know, right? I totally just jacked off in that class.
Goshen College
Indiana
Overheard by: Marianne
Although Now I'm Seeing Pink Bears Holding Hands and Chanting
Old lady: Do you want to drive?
Old hubby: I guess so. My eyes aren't quite as blurry as they were.
Cadillac, Michigan
Overheard by: mags
Categories: Couples | Health & Hygiene | Michigan | Posted 2007-08-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Good Thing You Love My Dangling Participle
Blonde: Oh, I've heard of that restaurant! Where is it at?
Boyfriend: No, 'where is it'?
Blonde: No, that's what I'm asking you! Where's it at?
Boyfriend, shaking head and sighing: It's by the mall. This is ridiculous.
Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Cringing English major
Sunday School Daycare?
20-ish girl: Where do you think is the best place to get molested?
Friend: Daycare?
Montana
But More Expensive
Guy: You guys should get her a vibrator for her birthday.
Girl #1: Or we could just find her a man...
Girl #2: Nah... I think buying a vibrator would be easier.
Shout-out: overheardinsydney.blogspot.com
Categories: Friends | Overheard in Sydney | Toys | Posted 2007-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Except That Living in Italy Could Be a Good Thing
Frat guy: You ever been to the Franklin Mills Mall?
Bimbette: No! I live in King of Prussia! If I left King of Prussia to go to any other mall, it'd be like leaving Italy to eat at an Olive Garden. No!
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: impressed, she has a point
Categories: Bimbettes | Frat boy types | Gripes | Overheard in Philly | Posted 2007-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fuck Your Way to a Positive Body Image
Teen: I used to think I was fat, but then I realized I wouldn't have had sex with five guys if I was fat. No one wants to have sex with a fat girl.
Wendy's
New Jersey
Overheard by: BTON
Categories: Diet & weight | New Jersey | Sex | Teens | Posted 2007-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Too Bad, He Was Such a Great Guy
Jock: Wait... Are you talking about Kim? I thought she was dating that guy.
Bimbette: Oh, you mean Fuck-face?
Jock: Yeah.
Bimbette: No, that's over.
Auburn University
Auburn, Alabama
When the Religious Right Goes Too Far
Teen #1: Did you know tumors can sometimes grow hair and teeth?
Teen #2, stunned: Um, those aren't tumors. Th-those are babies.
Wild Thyme Restaurant
Queenstown
New Zealand
Categories: Body parts | New Zealand | Teens | Posted 2007-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Can Always Count on You, Mom
Girl on cell: Did you write it on my Facebook? Was it perverted or mean? Yeah? Good.
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Internet | On the phone | Posted 2007-08-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, What about McDonald's?
Father looking at sign: Look! You could work here when you start school.
Son: Why would I want to work here? They can't even spell 'prerequisite' right.
Father: That's because it's per-quisite.
Ohio
Overheard by: glad to be sharing a school with this kid
Have You Been Watching FOX Again?
Eight-year-old girl: Asians are ruining everything.
Mother: What?
Eight-year-old girl: Yeah, the Japanese, the Chinese -- they ruin everything.
Georgia
Categories: Georgia | Moms | Race | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Outliving and Outperforming Me and Whatnot
Brat: There's no real chocolate bars in this vending machine. Stupid healthy people!
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Gripes | Grumpies | Overheard at York | Posted 2007-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Really? Show Me.
Sorority girl #1: She's from Missouri.
Sorority girl #2: Missouri... Is it even civilized there?
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: annoyedbutamusedtesttaker
Categories: Overheard at Cornell | Questions | Sorority types | Posted 2007-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How to Say "I Love You" Like a Chicago Native
Man in t-shirt and jeans: Wait. Can I just be myself for one minute here? Can I?
Woman in classy cocktail dress: I don't know, can you?
Man in t-shirt and jeans: [Farts loudly.]
Halsted Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Bardley
Categories: Burping & farting | Couples | Illinois | Posted 2007-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Leave It to You, Dear Reader
Plumber, rubbing his fingers together: Hmmm. No, no, it's not water. It's something much, much worse.
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: TK
Categories: Colorado | Employees | Health & Hygiene | Posted 2007-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
With the Possible Exception of the Half-Man-Half-Woman
Young guy: I know it's stereotypical for a guy to want a girl who's a freak in bed, but, really, it's just so nice.
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Miracle Diet? A Coat Hanger.
Tween #1: I can't believe she called you fat!
Tween #2: Well, I am, but it's because we're freshman -- we haven't lost our baby fat yet.
Tween #1: Well, that's true for you. I'm just fat because I'm pregnant.
Tween #2: Yeah, that too.
Arlington High School
LaGrangeville, New York
Overheard by: draz
Categories: Diet & weight | New York | Pregnancy | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Teens | Posted 2007-08-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Roll My Own
Woman: You can't lay a guilt trip on me! I was raised Catholic!
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Grumpies | Overheard in California's Journal | Religion | Posted 2007-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Quite The Contrary
Hoochie to another: Just because you're a slut doesn't mean you have dibbs!
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Michelle
Categories: Hoochies | Oregon | Philosophy | Posted 2007-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Vatican Website Has a List of Who It's Okay to Hate
Kid #1: Man, you always say that word when you're drunk.
Kid #2: Yeah, I know. I need to stop watching that Michael Richards video.
Shout-out: overheardatlc.blogspot.com
Categories: Kids | Overheard at Loyola | Words | Posted 2007-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So She's Preparing for a Disaster?
Dude: She totally sandbags! You know she sandbags?!
Chick: Like there's a hurricane.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: pineapple
Categories: Friends | Gossip | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Asian Pre-Schools Are Tough
Punk gesticulating wildly to friends: Unlike Europeans, they have to earn their souls... And they never do, man, they never do!
Harvard Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: wtf?!
Categories: Gossip | Idiots | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That's How We Got Kicked Out of March of the Penguins
Nerd: She was like, 'That's so cute!' and then I came all over her face!
Baylor University
Waco, Texas
Overheard by: kindaDisgusted
Categories: Cum | Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Gossip | Texas | Posted 2007-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Everybody Likes Puppies
Chick #1, fawning over little pup: Oh my god, he is sooo adorable. Hellooo! Hellooo there, little guy! Awww, so cute. [She and her friend walk away.]
Chick #2: Oh, he was so cute! I wish I could have one.
Chick #1: I wish I could have stepped on the little thing and squished its little head.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Animals | Chicks | Overheard at McGill | Violence | Posted 2007-08-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She's Probably Phallucinating
Lone woman at bar, to no one: This is not what I call penis enlargement.
Florian bar
Berlin
Germany
Overheard by: And I used to go out with her
Sonic's Too Spiky
Dork #1: Yeah, but Super Mario had the princess...
Dork #2: I'd rather fuck the squirrel [in Sonic] than that square-ass bitch!
Shout-out: overheardinumcp.blogspot.com
Overheard by: thomas
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Games | Overheard in College Park | Posted 2007-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Except by Individual Arrangement
Conductor: I don't wee in your house, so you don't wee in my station.
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Conductors | Etiquette | Overheard in London's Journal | Posted 2007-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Toothpick in My Buttcrack" Zooms to the Top of the Billboard Hot 100
Sister: Daniel, stop!
Brother: What is he doing?
Sister: He shoved a toothpick in my buttcrack... I hope I don't get a splinter!
Shout-out: www.overheardinchtown.blogspot.com
Overheard by: hm
Categories: Kink | Overheard in Inchtown | Siblings | Posted 2007-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Homosexual Panic Strikes Edward without Warning
Guy bidding farewell to pals: You guys take care of yourselves in the car... I didn't mean that like it came out.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: mike
Categories: Advice | Guys | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2007-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Has This Funny Little Moustache...
Skinny blonde: So, yeah, my mom is dating this new guy who's just kind of awkward and nerdy and, well, he's just really bad at socialism.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Molly and Katy
Categories: California | Chicks | Gossip | Stupidity | Posted 2007-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Survive, It Starts Tilting the Other Way in Your 30s
Teen girl #1: Isn't that, like, dangerous?
Teen girl #2: Well, yeah, but I'm at the point in my life where getting wasted is more important than not dying.
Newbury Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Massachusetts | Philosophy | Teens | Posted 2007-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
People Who Work in DC Think There's a Law Against Bad Weather
Office whiner: The weather conditions in here are unacceptable.
Manager: Huh?
Office whiner: This office has been climatically compromised, and I have to go home to be warm, and with full pay.
Manager: Sorry, that's not an option.
Office whiner: Well, then I deserve hazard pay for working under these conditions.
Manager: Again, I'm sorry, but that's not going to happen.
Office whiner, agitated: Well, fine! But I don't like being cold! [Stomps off to cube.]
Manager: Neither do I.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Employees | Gripes | Posted 2007-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Though I Don't Know Why I Bother Any More
Hungover teen girl #1: How was last night? You two have fun?
Hungover teen girl #2: Ohhh, we had a good time. [Suddenly looks confused] Do you think I should have told him about my STDs before we did? We were too drunk to find condoms...
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: sy 'philis' amgems
Categories: Overheard in Philly | STDs | Teens | Posted 2007-08-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Something Tells Me That Wasn't Actually Random
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: So, this is totally random, but if a gay black man has anal sex, do you think he can see if he has shit on his dick when he's done?
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #2: Uh...
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: How sick would that be? I mean, they're black. Well, actually, they're brown. And shit is brown, you know? So how can they tell?
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #2: I would hope they'd notice.
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: Think about it! Walking around with shit on your dick? Nasty.
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #2: Maybe that's why some black people smell bad.
Ugg-wearing sorostitute #1: Oh my god! You're so right. Ew! If I were a gay man, I'd never take it up the ass from a black guy.
530 Church Street
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Caryn
Categories: Backdoor | Michigan | Poop | Sorority types | Posted 2007-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Then Alexandra Wept, for There Were No More Worlds to Conquer
Little girl when dad hands her balloon: I've been waiting all my life for this...
Chik-Fil-A
Newport News, Virginia
Overheard by: Audrey
The Tusks Are a Dead Giveaway
Dude #1: Is that him? I can't tell from here.
Dude #2: That's him. I can tell because he looks like a walrus.
Beloit, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Coo-coo-ca-choo
You Never Told Me That!
Blonde #1: I think it's good we called off the wedding.
Blonde #2: Yeah, marriage probably wasn't the best idea.
Blonde #1: I wonder if I would've actually gone through with it.
Blonde #2: Do you seriously think you would have?!
Blonde #1: Well, maybe...
Blonde #2: But he slept with me right after he proposed to you!
Blonde #1: Yeah, I guess...
Blonde #2: And he went up my ass!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: juniper
Categories: Friends | Gossip | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2007-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Driving a Buss These Days and Getting Ready to Move Out of His Dad's Apartment
Fat lady pulling her kid from path of speeding bus: That's right -- step out and meet Jesus!
Columbia, South Carolina
Overheard by: Cootine
Categories: Moms | South Carolina | Threats | Posted 2007-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm an Equal-Opportunity Whore
Hoochie #1: I'm just an attention-whore, not a sex-whore.
Hoochie #2: I think I'm both.
Harvard University
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Meesh
Categories: Hoochies | Jobs & Careers | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Obviously Stupidity
Student #1: It's so annoying. Every time I skip class I get an unexcused absence.
Student #2: That's ridiculous.
Detroit Country Day School
Beverly Hills, Michigan
Overheard by: Jman077
Some Day That Line's Going to Work
Man: What's your name?
Woman: Juna.
Man: That reminds of me of a tree... A beautiful tree.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: leslie
Categories: Names | Overheard in PDX | Strangers | Posted 2007-08-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Curse You, Starbucks!
Hobo drinking coffee to lady passerby: I'd offer you some, but it's not that good.
I like it black. And sweet. Ten sugers... This tastes like crap!
In front of coffee truck, 135th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Kier
Left Mammary in the Corner Pocket
Drunk watching a pool game: You're a retard!
Girl playing pool: I'm a retard? I'm not the one with chalk on my nipples!
Kansas
That I Threw in the Water
Mom: We're going to have surf 'n' turf for dinner tonight.
Daughter: What's the surf?
Mom: Steak.
Delaware
You Don't Seem to Grasp the Spirit of Marketing
Crazy hobo passing out flyers: The animals eat the vegetables, and we are the minerals...
Girl, rejecting flyer: No, thanks. I've got one already.
Crazy hobo: You're a communist transvestite on Mars!
Isla Vista, California
Categories: California | Hobos | Insults | Posted 2007-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Going to Do Some Interval Training with My Retinas
Blonde tanning at pool: Someone set the alarm for five minutes -- I'm gonna stare at the sun.
Columbia, Missouri
Categories: Bimbettes | Missouri | Time Management | Posted 2007-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Mind So Open the Brains Fell Out
Incoming freshman, about required pre-entry reading: We should not have to be exposed to new ideas we might not agree with.
University campus
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Overheard by: yeah, now my brain hurts
Categories: Gripes | North Carolina | Students | Posted 2007-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like, Five Times before You Hit the Floor
Guy: Man, I have a ton of friends who are Asian. But watch out -- if you touch one of them on the head, they'll kill you.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Guys | Race | Posted 2007-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When They Get the Messages, Her Parents Will Be Happy
Girl leaving message on cell: ... Anyway, some good news: I'm not pregnant! Yup! You should be shocked, right? Okay, talk to you later.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: anonymous
Categories: Gossip | On the phone | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-08-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hmmm... Ulysses. That Sounds Good.
Sorostitute #1: Yeah, the handbook says I can either take two foreign language classes or two literature classes... So, like, I took the literature classes because, like, at least I can read that, y'know?
Sorostitute #2: So true...
Patterson School of Accountancy, University of Mississippi
University, Mississippi
Categories: Education | Mississippi | Sorority types | Posted 2007-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So What I'd Really Like to Do Is Skin a "My Little Pony"
Chick #1: What's your favorite color?
Chick #2: Blue. What about you?
Chick #1: Well, I like the rainbow. And I know that fur's not a color, but I really like fur.
Starbucks
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: flossy.
Sooner Or Later the Reflexes Start to Go
Hot chick: Trust me, I would know. I'm a retired slut.
Maine
Overheard by: oh really?
Categories: Hoochies | Jobs & Careers | Maine | Posted 2007-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sack Up. I'll Give You Salt and a Lime
Mom of small child, on cell: No, I don't have any whiskey, but I have tequila.
Small child, pulling away: No, Mommy! Don't kill me!
Cogshall Park
Fitchburg, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Why, why, why?!
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Kids | Massachusetts | Moms | Violence | Posted 2007-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Still Not Telling
Chick pointing at port-a-potty: Well, I guess I'm going to the bathroom now.
Dude: Do you fold or crumple?
Chick: This conversation has gone too far for me.
Dude: I fold. Well, depends on my mood.
Union Park
Chicago, Illinois
I'm More of a Brawny Gal
College girl #1: Ew, why does it all run out?
College girl #2: Well, it is a liquid.
College girl #3: And your vag isn't exactly full of Bounty paper towels!
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Pennsylvania | Sorority types | Vagina | Posted 2007-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jesus: No Way! I Am, Like, Twice That Size!
Girl #1: Y'know, it kind of weirds me out when I have sex with my boyfriend. He looks like Jesus.
Girl #2: Jesus wasn't Mexican.
Girl #1: Yeah, yeah, but still -- it's like I'm having sex with Jesus.
Girl #2: You should talk to your pastor about that.
Shout-out: www.overheardinvancouver.ca
Overheard by: katherine
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Jesus | Overheard in Vancouver | Posted 2007-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Should Probably Stop Rimming the Collie
Chick #1: What's wrong?
Chick #2: Today I spent, like, an hour getting a dog hair out of my eyeball.
Chick #1: What? How did you do that?
Chick #2: I don't know, but every day I wake up with dog hair in my eyeballs.
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: christina
Categories: Animals | Chicks | Gripes | Overheard at Western | Posted 2007-08-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Squirtle's a No-Brainer, but Jigglypuff's Going to Be Tough
High school boy #1: Know what I'm gonna do?
High school boy #2: You're gonna jizz in my mouth.
High school boy #1: I'm gonna go to a third world country, buy four people, put them in an arena, and make them play Super Smash Brothers in real life. For Pikachu I'm gonna put thousand-volt batteries in his cheeks.
Ride-On bus
Washington, DC
Overheard by: bus rider
Categories: Games | Kids | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Could Finish It for Your 100th Birthday
Girlfriend: Have you ever touched another man's armpit hair?
Boyfriend: No.
Girlfriend: Well, yours are really gossamer-y. If you shaved them off, you could weave a little swatch of, like, satin... And then you could make a quilt!
Boyfriend: Or a patchwork jacket!
Ypsilanti, Michigan
Um, What Sort of Visitors Have You Entertained?
Bimbette: I don't know... I just feel something swimming around inside of me!
Shout-out: overheardatlc.blogspot.com
Categories: Bimbettes | Gossip | Overheard at Loyola | Posted 2007-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
After That I'll Be Fucking Myself
Chick: Okay, here's your hundred thousand dollars, and there's the mall. And I'll just be sitting here sprouting a penis.
Carrboro, North Carolina
Overheard by: Li'l Bit
Categories: Chicks | North Carolina | Penis | Posted 2007-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Where They Belong
Female airport screener to male coworker: I swear I've only ever touched one in a bag!
Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Evil Penguin
Categories: California | Coworkers | Gossip | Posted 2007-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If All of the Raindrops / Were Lemon Drops and Crack Rocks / Oh, What a World This Would Be
Homeless guy: I have a dream like Martin Luther King. I have a dream that someday it will... rain crack.
Atlanta, Georgia
Oh, Great. Another Starbucks Mug
Lady #1: Oooh... These cups are so cute!
Lady #2: Did you notice they have them set out on the drive-through window? Very smart. All the husbands who forgot to buy presents for their wives will be bringing home Starbucks mugs today.
Lady #1: After 21 years of marriage, I buy my own gifts.
Shout-out: www.overheardinvancouver.ca
Overheard by: erin
Categories: Ladies who lunch | Overheard in Vancouver | Relationships | Posted 2007-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shiny, Though
Girl #1: That Zodiac movie looks pretty good...
Girl #2: Of course! It has Jake Gyllenhaal in it. Everything he touches turns to gold.
Girl #1: Oh, I know!
Girl #2: Mmm, I'd like him to touch me.
Girl #1: But it would be so uncomfortable to be all gold down there.
Girl #2: [Silence.]
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: God, you're stupid
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: About celebrities | Bimbettes | Overheard at York | Posted 2007-08-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Life Has It's Problems, but Don't Blame That Island
Girl in serious conversation with friend: So, life's not all fun and games on Taco Island?
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Friends | Pennsylvania | Questions | Posted 2007-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Every Blonde's Dream
Hobo: Wow, you look just like Billy Idol!
Blonde: Um, thanks.
Hobo: No, really. You look good, girl. Wanna share some of my wine?
Blonde: Um, no thanks. I'm good.
San Diego, California
Categories: California | Compliments | Hobos | Posted 2007-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then I May Have Paid Too Much at the Parts Department
Girl: It's not like you can wake up and be like 'Hm. I want to be a girl today,' and then put on your girl parts!
Guy: Ohhh... It's not?
Auditorium Shores
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Ellison's Orange
Categories: Friends | Gender issues | Texas | Posted 2007-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When the Line Is Really Long
Little girl pointing to handicapped sink: Mommy, do you know what that's for?
Mom: It's a sink for people in wheelchairs, honey.
Little girl: No! It's where boys pee!
Bathroom, JCPenney's
Forest Park, Georgia
Overheard by: Kelly
The Need to Masturbate Is a Great Motivator
Girl: I'm using super advanced alien technology!
Guy: I'm using... a pumpkin!
Wheaton, Illinois
Overheard by: Claire
So Just Have a Big Spoonful of That Green Paste
Child, as food is placed in front of him: But Mommy, I don't wanna eat Nemo!
Sushi restaurant
Northern Virginia
Now I'm Not So Sure...
Hot chick #1: You? You're gonna love me.
Hot chick #2: I already do!
Hot chick #1: Good. Cream cheese?
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Categories: Bonding | Chicks | Overheard at Western | Posted 2007-08-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook