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July 2007 Archives
Wait, an Outline, or Solid Shaded?
Girl: I bet he would.
Friend: No, he wouldn't.
Girl: I'll call him now. [Dials] Hey, honey. Quick question: if I had a tattoo of a dick on the inside of my thigh about half an inch away from my pussy, would you lick it? [Pause] No. I said 'if'... Well, no, I'm not saying it's totally out of the question... Fine. We'll talk about it when I get home. [To friend] See? I told you he would!
Bus stop
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Dana
I'm Basically a Communal Stress Ball
Yuppie girl on cell: ... And then he grabbed my ass right in front of her! If I was her, I would have thrown a fit... But she knows she'll never be at my level.
Georgetown
Washington, DC
Categories: Insults | Washington, DC | Yuppies | Posted 2007-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, I Think That Might Be a Sex Crime
Fat guy: So, I was getting head when all of a sudden I got this case of explosive diarrhea! I shitted everywhere, dude!
University of Hartford
West Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Joa
Categories: BJs | Connecticut | Creepsters | Gossip | Poop | Posted 2007-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just a Silent High Five
Hot young suit #1: What happened with your girlfriend?
Hot young suit #2: I manipulated her into a false sense of security, then rooted her, then dumped her -- same as I did with Mandy. [After a pause] I'm not looking for praise.
Theatre
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Rosebyanothername
Observing the Employed in Their Natural Habitat
College guy to group, confused by crowd at ten a.m.: I always forget there's this whole subculture of people who get up before noon.
Connecticut Avenue and R Street
Washington, DC
Categories: Frat boy types | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You Deflating?
Guy lying on girl's stomach: Your bellybutton is probably the worst thing I've smelled this week.
São Paulo
Brazil
Overheard by: what about last week?
My Secret? Low Standards.
Girl #1: You fail at life.
Girl #2: Nuh-uh! I'm good at life! I have a C-plus at life!
High school
Ohio
Overheard by: Kat Navane
Can I Get a Swig?
Hobo: Girl, I know you're a freak! All redheads are freaks!
Brunette hipster pumping gas: Step off. What I do is none of your business.
Hobo: Lady, I'm just talking shit 'cause I'm drunk.
Brunette hipster: Me, too.
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: cuspy
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Hipsters | Hobos | Missouri | Posted 2007-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Wanna Eat Your Hair, Cough It Up, and Mold It into the Shape of a Baby
Hot lesbo #1: I wanna have your babies.
Hot lesbo #2: I wanna eat your babies.
Hot lesbo #1: I wanna eat your hair.
Piola Bar
São Paulo
Brazil
Overheard by: touché
Categories: Brazil | Compliments | Lesbos | Posted 2007-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Says She's Saving All That for Marriage
Preppy chick: I've never seen her pee in a bush or even fart or anything. It's like I only know her on one level, you know?
Harvard Station
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Massachusetts | Philosophy | Preppies | Posted 2007-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Just Get a Room This Time, Okay?
Hot chick: I was too tired for a layover in Denver! It's not like you'd let me nap -- we'd just end up fucking in the airport bathroom for five hours. Wait! If Denver's the Mile High City, do you think bathroom sex can count us into the Mile High Club? Oh my god, I am changing my flight -- Cleveland can wait. Cock is so much more important.
Minneapolis-St.Paul International Airport
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Wishing I was the dude in Denver
Categories: Airports & flights | Chicks | Minnesota | Sex | Posted 2007-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Will Accept That As a Promissory Note
Hipster girl: Don't you dare lick me!
Hipster boy: [Licks her.]
Hipster girl: I love you.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Excluding the Sybian, Right?
Party-goer: She is the only person I know who has a favorite appliance!
Moroccan restaurant
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Friends | Gossip | Washington | Posted 2007-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Really -- Your Hair Looks Like Shit
Fashionista: Why are you so late?
Queer in hat: I ran out of money and had to give the cabbie a blowjob to pay the fare.
Fashionista: Oh my god! Really?!
Queer in hat: No. I had a hair emergency... But wasn't that a much better answer?
Ellus fashion show line
São Paulo
Brazil
Yeah -- Titles Are Hard
20-ish girl: So, I was thinking of 'Liberty and Justice for Balls.'
20-ish guy: Liberty and justice for balls?
20-ish girl: Yeah, I was trying to think of a paper title.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: um, what?
Categories: Education | Idiots | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Do I Get a Title Like That?
Queer ranting on cell: You pissed your bed, now marinate in it, Mister Magical!
14th Street and Grand Boulevard
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: Auds
Categories: Gripes | Missouri | On the phone | Queers | Posted 2007-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For You Cat Lovers, It Was a Dog
Flight attendant over PA after bump during taxi: Don't worry guys, it was just a cat!
Southwest Airlines, BWI airport
Baltimore, Maryland
Categories: Airports & flights | Animals | Flight attendants | Maryland | Posted 2007-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sit-Quietly Bad, or Call-the-Cops Bad?
Crazy man to passenger: Fuck you and your bald mother.
Conductor: Do we have a problem here?
Crazy man: I'm in a bad-fucking-mood today.
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Crazies | Gripes | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You Sure You're Using Them Correctly?
Guy to girlfriend: I like when we're both using our laptops and I lick your nipple and it shocks me, like licking a nine-volt battery.
Palo Alto, California
Categories: California | Guys | Laptops | Licking | Nipples | Posted 2007-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Always Time For A Drum Circle
Crunchy hippie: We were on the way to the bee colony to harvest some honey, but then I thought, Dude! It's time for a drum circle.
House of Musical Traditions
Takoma Park, Maryland
The Former.
Man to friend: I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wanted a present for Valentine's Day and I didn't get her one, or the fact that I didn't want a present for my birthday and she got me one.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: you really don't know?
Categories: Gripes | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Among Us Hasn't Considered It?
Girl, about sister's boyfriends: That was Bob* -- he wanted to marry her.
Guy: Bob was kinda creepy.
Girl: Bob was not creepy! He had a job.
Guy: If that's your only qualification for 'not creepy'--
Girl: --He just faked his own death. But he got it out of his system -- he won't do it again.
DMV
Virginia
Overheard by: much less bored now
Oh, in That Case I'd Be a Cheetah
Guy #1: Man, that movie was so good last night -- I was so baked.
Guy #2: Yeah, that shit is so much better when you're high.
Guy #1, after a pause: If you were a bird, what kind of bird would you be?
Guy #2: I don't like birds.
Guy #3: I'd be a pterodactyl, dude.
Cafeteria line, Colgate University
Hamilton, New York
Categories: Birds | Colleges & Universities | Frat boy types | New York | Questions | Posted 2007-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Clams.
Guy with hair down to waist and death metal t-shirt: I really enjoy eating animals that have the ability to eat humans.
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: horrified zoo-enthusiast
Categories: Animals | Guys | Overheard in Philly | Posted 2007-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everybody Knows God's White and Has No Rhythm
Girl #1: Is that hail?
Girl #2, looking out window: No, it's just some guys stepping.
Girl #1: Oh. I was wondering why the hail had a beat.
Mississippi University for Women
Columbus, Mississippi
Categories: Bimbettes | Mississippi | Weather | Posted 2007-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Black People: Yeah, We're Fine with That
Stressed undergrad: Yeah, I have to write a 25 page paper on my experiences with racial ideology.
Bimbette: Oh my god, I would just write a list of every time I talked to a black person... But I would never be able to get 25 pages.
overheardatnu.blogspot.com
Categories: Bimbettes | Overheard at Northwestern | Race | Students | Posted 2007-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Subtle Distinction, but an Important One
Man: That's not love; that's getting drunk and waking up naked in a barn.
Boise, Idaho
Categories: Guys | Idaho | Philosophy | Posted 2007-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But at That Point I've Got Nothing to Lose!
Hobo to another: If that bitch is late, you gotta pull the dick out.
Wacker Drive and Lake Street
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: pulled out
See, Now I'm on Coke, and I Can Tell the Truth
Lady: When I was on morphine I told them I liked Pearl Jam. I hate Pearl Jam!
Eat 'N' Park
Sewickley, Pennsylvania
Categories: Gripes | Grumpies | Music | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Is, a Little Less Every Year
Native girl #1: Fuck you.
Native girl #2, annoyed: You piss me off to my titties.
Winnipeg
Canadia
Overheard by: pissed off
David Is a Fully-Functional Dildo As Well
Carpool driver, noticing woman at bus stop: She has art between her legs.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: b!X
Categories: Gossip | Overheard in PDX | Strangers | Posted 2007-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Going to Have to Regrade Your Test
Student: Man! Question number four on that exam? The one about chickens was so hard... It took me forever.
Teacher: Well, it seemed tricky, but the problem was really pretty straightforward. It just involved birds instead of mammals.
Student: ... Chickens are birds?
Bloomington, Indiana
It's Not Consent Per Se...
Builder to another during break: Mate, I tell you -- that fish was happy.
Dalston
London
England
Categories: Animals | Creepsters | England | Posted 2007-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Might As Well Go Back to Sleep at That Point
Lady suit #1: I mean, can you imagine waking up one day to find out that you're six months pregnant?
Lady suit #2: Seven months.
Lady suit #1: Seven months?
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: jfa
Categories: Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Suits | Posted 2007-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Her Work Can and Will Be Used Against Her
Dude whining about a girl: That's how she does it, man. That's her opus miranda.
Spadina street car
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Fuel
The Best I Can Do Is Some Croutons and a Spanking
Drunk girl: I hope I get my ass kicked for eating this salad!
Houston, Texas
Thereby Creating a Paradox
Girl to guy : Stop raping my bellybutton! If I wanted you to rape it, I'd let you!
Shout-out: weirdosofwinnipeg.blogspot.com
Categories: Chicks | Gripes | Weirdos of Winnipeg | Posted 2007-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was All Good Except for Shitting in a Box
Girl on cell: Guess what? I got to be the big yellow cat again yesterday!
Hornsby train
Sydney
Australia
Categories: Australia | Bragging | On the phone | Posted 2007-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Can Sense Deities and Terminators
Daughter: What's the dog barking at?
Mother: Jesus.
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: smellmyknee
You're Not Still Pregnant?
Enthusiastic lady: Oh, you must be having a boy!
Very preggers: Uh, no... It's actually a girl.
Enthusiastic lady: Really? Because your face has changed!
Very preggers: What do you mean?
Enthusiastic lady: Oh, you know, it just looks bad. I was ugly, too, when I was pregnant with my son.
Clinic waiting room
San Francisco, California
Categories: Insults | Preggers | San Francisco | Strangers | Posted 2007-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Email Me the Instant Replay or the Wedding's Off
Man on cell: I just need to know that he didn't cum in your mouth!
South Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Amelia
Categories: Cum | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Flashbacks Go, Anyway
White dreadlocked hippie: ... And I was totally like, [punches fist into air] 'Thank you, Grandfather Salmon! That was awesome!'
St. Lawrence Market
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
And before Subtitles
Blonde #1: Did you see Marie Antoinette?
Blonde #2: Yeah.
Blonde #1: I don't get why they're all speaking English if they're in France.
Blonde #2: I think that was before they invented French.
Blockbuster
Orlando, Florida
But She Spent It, So Can We Move On?
Drunken bimbette: First of all, Francesca feels really bad about taking my dad's money when he was in a coma...
Sinbad's
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: another margarita, please!
Categories: Bimbettes | California | Drunks | Gossip | Posted 2007-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Just Too Lazy to Do It Right Now
Girl yelling out window to friend: Bitch! I am the motherfuckin' bishop Don Juan of proving points!
Colfax bus
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: lauren
The Question Is, How Is It Not?
Student #1: I don't know what people are going on about. To me, 'fuzzy logic' and 'rough sets' are basically the same.
Student #2: How is fuzzy logic anything like rough sex?
University of Pretoria
South Africa
Overheard by: Daniel
Categories: Africa | Colleges & Universities | Students | Words | Posted 2007-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Top Secret DoD Pheromone Project
Creepster: ... And that's why all the women in Paris wanted to stroke my head.
Koko
York
UK
Overheard by: Laura
Categories: Creepsters | Gossip | UK | Posted 2007-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Remember the Safe Word This Time, I Swear!
Little boy: No! But Daddy, I want you to spank me!
Cherry Creek Mall
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Glad the condom broke | Gripes | Posted 2007-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Will I Get My Damage Deposit Back?
Asian native to man with whom she's holding hands: How do I replace you?
Spain
Overheard by: emily
Or You Could Finish College and Get a Job
Rollerblading guy #1: ... And that's when I'll finally know that I'm successful... When I'm sitting on my throne of skulls.
Rollerblading guy #2: Uhhh... Sure, man.
Church and Shuter Streets
Toronto
Canadia
Monkeyholism's Gonna Be the Next Big Zoo Scandal
Little girl, regarding orangutan holding his head like he has a headache: Why is he doing that, Mommy?
Mom: Because he had too many Daddy juices.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: I love hilarious reminders of our dysfunctional society
Categories: Kids | Moms | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2007-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Okay, So I Can't Date This Guy Either
Dude: Man, it's just that some people got what 1992 was all about and some people didn't. I'm one of the ones that got it, and she's not, so no, we're not going out again.
Shout-out: overheardinjxn.blogspot.com
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Overheard in Jackson | Posted 2007-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sometimes, You Want the Long Version
Guy: So, she and her boyfriend got really drunk and, long story short, she now has to use a colostomy bag for the rest of her life.
University of Florida
Gainesville, Florida
He'll Be Back.
Jewish girl: I think I like Josh. What do you think of him?
Jewish guy: I don't like him. He's annoying. And he's a Jew.
Jewish girl: What do you mean 'And he's a Jew'? You're a Jew!
Jewish guy: No.
Jewish girl: Yes...
Jewish guy: No, I quit.
Santa Cruz, California
Categories: California | Jews | Religion | Posted 2007-07-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There's a Thin Line between Noun and Hate
Sunday school instructor: Hate is a very, very strong adjective.
Donkey Coffee
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: Lisa
Wait, No, She's Just Really Tan! Oh My God!
Passerby: Oh my god! Look at that woman's outfi-- Oh, never mind. She's ethnic, it's okay.
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Rasputin
Lie Back on Your Hands and Hold Still!
Girl on cell: He had stubby fingers. Little stubby butcher's fingers. You wouldn't want to feel those caressing your body... He was a good lay, though.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Hands | On the phone | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2007-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Question Is, How Did You Find Out, and Why Do You Care?
Dazed guy: I didn't know leg hair could get split ends.
Great Mall
Milpitas, California
Categories: California | Guys | Hair | Posted 2007-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ma'am, You've Got Two All-Beef Patties There
Overeager mother: Sometimes when my boobies sweat, they smell like Big Macs.
McDonald's
Madison, Indiana
Categories: Indiana | McDonald's | Moms | Rack | Posted 2007-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wouldn't Want Him to Get Burnt to a Crisp by Sunlight
Pretty goth chick: Do you think if I call him up and ask him to come over and watch porn and fuck, he'll come?
Queer friend: Probably, but only if you call after 10. It's six -- wait until dark.
Pretty goth chick: Yeah, you're right.
Shout-out: overheardinlosangeles.blogspot.com
Categories: Advice | Friends | Overheard in Los Angeles | Posted 2007-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We've Scheduled an Intervention for Saturday
Woman #1: So... How's your daughter?
Woman #2: She's growing up to be a New Yorker.
Trident Coffee Shop, 940 Pearl Street
Boulder, Colorado
Categories: Colorado | Gossip | Ladies who lunch | Posted 2007-07-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Turns Up in All Shakespeare's Plays, Like Alfred Hitchcock
Teen girl: Macbeth... That's the one with Hamlet, right?
Ottawa
Canadia
And Here I Sit with the Stubble of My Dreams
Angry neighbor: Well, obviously he didn't appreciate the shaved vagina, or he would have called.
Elizabeth Street
Derby, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Grumpies | Shaving | Vagina | Posted 2007-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Then the Manager of the Baskin-Robbins Found Out and I Got Fired
Teen girl on cell: Yeah, I couldn't stop putting my tongue in them for, like, two months.
St. Paul International Airport
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Anna
Categories: Gossip | Minnesota | On the phone | Posted 2007-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Other Than My Anti-Semitism and Her Brutal Rape
Drunk girl #1: I can't date him -- he's a vegetarian. You can't trust vegetarians.
Drunk girl #2: You're just saying that 'cause that vegetarian guy you dated last semester raped you. He was also Jewish. You should hate the Jews -- you'd have more company! [Drunk girl #1 leaves, upset.] I don't know what her problem is.
Georgetown
Washington, DC
Categories: Drunks | Insults | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... And That the First Rule of Jerry Is "Don't Talk about Jerry"
Drunk girl, screaming: I've got rules! Rule number one: Jerry is a pussy! Rule number two: Jerry is a pussy! Rule number three: ... Um, I forgot where I was going with this.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: lola
Categories: Drunks | Insults | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-07-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Rubber Bullets, If You're a Pussy
Kid pointing squirt gun at lady passerby: Just pretend they're bullets.
Geneva, Illinois
Second-Hand Smoke Is Better Than I Remembered
Man: Can I bum a cigarette?
Beatnik girl: No, I need them all. The smoke fertilizes my brain, and I must get pregnant with ideas [blows smoke in his face].
São Paulo
Brazil
He Knows a Lot Less Than They Told Us
Middle-aged lady to friends: Hey, do you remember Santa?
Auckland
New Zealand
Categories: Chicks | New Zealand | Questions | Posted 2007-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mom, I Think It's Time We Had a Little Talk
Mom to four-year-old girl: Eat your tomatoes, honey. They're good for your prostate.
Banana Verde Vegetarian Restaurant
Vila Madalena, São Paulo
Brazil
Overheard by: menu #2
Of Course!
Teen #1: Dude, gross!
Teen #2: Come on, man! Don't act like that, you've wondered if it was worth it having your asshole licked during sex, too!
Teen #1: Yeah, but not by a fat Asian chick!
Stranger: Was it worth it?
Modern Skate and Surf
Royal Oak, Michigan
Shave Them First, Though
Chick on cell: You don't need handcuffs for that. Just use duct tape. Duct tape works for everything. Even butt cheeks!
Hawthorne, California
Overheard by: smooph
Categories: Advice | California | On the phone | Posted 2007-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Were Going to Let That Slide
Chick: After he slept with me, I told him that his dick had been where cameras, carrots, and necklaces have gone before.
Friend: Why were you sticking necklaces in your vagina? ... Note how I'm okay with the fact that you stuck carrots and cameras up there...
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Friends | Overheard in the Valley | Vagina | Posted 2007-07-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, You Just Attacked Two Religions and Broke the Cannibalism Taboo!
Dude on cell: Oh my god... I had the pork chop. It was like it was cut right off of Jesus's left rib.
Orlando, Florida
Categories: Florida | Food | On the phone | Posted 2007-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Roommates
Bartender: You again? I see you everywhere -- you're like a sewer rat.
Drunk guy: Well, I am an alcoholic.
Cedar Falls, Iowa
Overheard by: doe
Categories: Bartenders | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Iowa | Posted 2007-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In This World There Are No Unmixed Blessings
Chick: I love going to the Jimmy Buffet concert, but every year someone throws up on my shoes.
In line at Kroger's
Cincinnati, Ohio
When Modems Ruled the Earth
Man: He's been dating women he's met online since back when it was creepy.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: sherman
Categories: Gossip | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Think of the Pay-Per-View Revenue!
Frisbee boy #1: This is what war should be: They should give everyone one Frisbees with razor blades on them and send them into battle.
Frisbee boy #2: You know, you're not going to make a very good physicist if that's your contribution to modern warfare.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: charlie
Categories: Guys | Jobs & Careers | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-07-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wasn't That a Super Smash Brothers Character?
20-ish girl #1: Yeah, I was called 'Sweet Pea' all the time when I was little.
20-ish girl #2: To this day my dad calls me 'Peanut.'
Fat lady nearby, to no one: Yeah, I got a nickname, too. They call me 'Jiggly Puff.'
TGIFridays
Palm Beach Gardens, Florida
Overheard by: I can't imagine why.
I Always Wanted That Gift Too, but Never Got It
Girl on cell: I know it's your birthday... but it's my ass!
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Ass | On the phone | Overheard in Melbourne's Journal | Posted 2007-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Look, Baby, I'll Give You a Half Point Interest Rate Reduction, and That's My Final Offer
Drunk girl to another: I am going to suck it so good he is going to pay back all my loans!
Bar, Capital Hill
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Katie
Categories: BJs | Bragging | Drunks | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Neatly Packaged in Shrinkwrap
Butcher in bloodstained apron: My soul is pure and untainted.
Supermarket
Portland, Maine
He's Gonna Be a Heartbreaker
Mom: No, Joshua, put it down.
Five-year-old boy: No!
Mom: Put it down this instant, or you are going to be in big trouble, mister.
Five-year-old boy: No!
Mom: Drop it!
Five-year-old boy: Dammit, Kathy, I'm tired of your crap!
Target
Walnut Creek, California
Categories: California | Glad the condom broke | Gripes | Moms | Posted 2007-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whatever Works
Girls' sports team jogging by: Happy Wacky Wednesday!
Hobo: I thought it was Whip 'em Out Wednesday!
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Hobos | Names | Overheard at BU | Posted 2007-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Would?
Chick on cell: ... So that's why Grandma and Grandpa are so upset? Was adoption brought up? [Long pause, then] Do I want orange sheets?
Shout-out: ohinmpls.blogspot.com
Overheard by: sarah
Categories: Chicks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Posted 2007-07-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, I've Had to Tell Tommy Hilfiger's People No
Hobo #1, holding gallon of water: I've been trying to drink a lot of water. You need to clear that toxic shit out. You collect lots of, uh, what they called? Endorsements. Your body just builds up these endorsements, and they poison you! I think that's what they're called... You know what I mean?
Hobo #2: [Nods knowingly.]
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Rich
Categories: Advice | Hobos | San Francisco | Words | Posted 2007-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Window Shopping for New Ones
Girl, about hoochie: Wait a second, Angelica -- I wanna stare at this girl's boobs.
São Paulo
Brazil
What about a Shapeshifter Disguised As Data?
Thug #1: Is it cheatin' if you do it on the holodeck?
Thug #2: Nah. Fucking data doesn't count either.
Target
Reston, Virginia
Overheard by: Carly
But I Have a Good Paper on Why Not
Grad student #1: So, have you been fucking mad bitches?
Grad student #2: Well... Not really.
MIT Chemical Engineering Lounge
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Gossip | Massachusetts | Students | Posted 2007-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Smart and Beautiful -- I'm a Lucky Man
Dude: What are some words that rhyme with 'chicken'?
Chick: Frickin', lickin', hair.
Dude: 'Hair' doesn't rhyme with 'chicken'!
Chick: Yeah, it does -- chicken, hair; chicken, hair.
Dude: Yeah, I guess it kind of does.
Metro bus
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Who Told You about the Hole? Was It My Ex?
Boyfriend: You know what happens when you get between me and something I want, right?
Girlfriend, on his lap: I go in the hole?
Boyfriend, puzzled: No... I... I move you out of the way...
Westfield State College
Westfield, Massachusetts
Overheard by: It was a brownie he wanted
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Couples | Massachusetts | Threats | Posted 2007-07-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Thing Almost Took Off My Hand Last Time
Student #1: Jess, come here. I need your help.
Student #2: I am not touching your cooter again.
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Massachusetts | Students | Vagina | Posted 2007-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Get in Line
Father to crying son holding Spider-Man card: That damn Tobey Maguire is ruining my life!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: artwork
Categories: Dads | Gripes | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2007-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I've Heard Good Things about It
11-year-old boy: Let's go fuck some girls!
Delhi Skatepark
Cincinnati, Ohio
I'm Flightless, They Say -- Why Go On?
Bimbette #1: What's up with Katie?
Bimbette #2: She's an emu. Emus cut themselves.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Categories: Bimbettes | Gossip | Overheard in Minneapolis | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2007-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Assume Martha Stewart Makes One
Loud outburst from quiet conversation: What kind of pan do you have that you can cook a head in it?!
8000 Foothills Boulevard
Roseville, California
Overheard by: Drew
Categories: California | Questions | Strangers | Posted 2007-07-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Back Up -- They Kicked Him Out for Dressing As a Pirate?
Woman: Did you hear about the lawyer in England who wouldn't take a Muslim woman as a client because she wore a burkha and the lawyer said she couldn't hear her?! [Holds piece of paper over her mouth] Hello! You can still hear me, right?
Boyfriend: Yeah.
Woman: I can't believe this! They have that happen, but when a kid dressed up as a pirate and the school kicked him out he said he was a Pastafarian and they let him back in.
Boyfriend: Pastafarian?
Woman: You know, flying spaghetti monster as God, pirates are sacred...
Boyfriend: Oh, yeah.
Starbucks
League City, Texas
Overheard by: JustWantsCoffee
When the Precognitive Get High
Dude #1: Hey, man, call someone and see if you can get us a ride.
Dude #2: Denny's.
Dude #1, pausing: ... No, you need to make some calls and see if you can get someone to give us a ride.
Dude #2: Denny's.
Dude #1, after longer pause: Dude, are you hungry?
Dude #2: No... I could use some food, though.
Bay Area Rapid Transit District, California
Categories: California | Idiots | Stupidity | Posted 2007-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ask for $100, Settle for $5
Hoochie: If I could get a hundred bucks just for showing my titties on Jerry Springer, I'd so do it.
Chicago, Illinois
Where Do You Think Electronica Comes From?
Teacher: You know, I've never known two teenage boys that wanted to be locked in a soundproof room together before.
Escuela Campo Alegre Caracas
Venezuela
Overheard by: Jillian
"Little Bishop" Would Also Have Been Acceptable
12-year-old son: Owww! My penis! My penis! She hit me in the penis!
Mom: Please stop yelling that! We're in public!
12-year-old son: But that's the scientific word for it, Mom.
Mom: I understand, but not everyone appreciates hearing that word in public.
12-year-old son: Okay. Owww! My jimmy! My jimmy! She hit me in my jimmy!
Pet aisle, Wal-Mart
North Carolina
Categories: North Carolina | Penis | Should have used a condom | Words | Posted 2007-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Deleted Lyrics from "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off"
Woman: My life is surreal. His life is about anger and priorities.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: rich
Categories: Chicks | Gripes | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2007-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Shit or Smoke Pot?
Woman: What's the phrase? 'Get off the pot or shit on the horse'?
Kohl's dressing room
Brookfield, Connecticut
Overheard by: Nik
Categories: Connecticut | Idiots | Questions | Posted 2007-07-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Might Want to Cite Sketchy v. State of Kansas, for One Thing
Professor: Well, Miss Two-L, I am going to need a better legal argument than, 'It seems really shady,' but that's a good start.
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Overheard by: kks
Categories: Education | Overheard in Law School | Teachers | Posted 2007-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Did Get a Call-Back for Cirque du Soleil
Dude #1: I pulled a muscle.
Dude #2, after short pause: How?
Dude #1: Have you ever tried to fuck yourself? It's really hard! I did and pulled a muscle.
Hampden Academy
Maine
Overheard by: Last final
Categories: Getting off | Idiots | Maine | Posted 2007-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
First It Was Stalling and Sputtering, and Now... Nothing
Loud girl in outdoor bar: My vagina's not working tonight.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: katie
Categories: Chicks | Overheard Lines | Vagina | Posted 2007-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For Those Who Think It Tragic That White Birthrates Are Dropping
Old frat boy #1: Yeah, dude, I really need to get my stuff together. I've already graduated college and I still live like I'm in college.
Old frat boy #2: Yeah, don't mess around and end up like Mike* -- he's about to have a second kid. Both of them were mistakes.
Old frat boy #1: Yeah, I always make the girls I have sex with stand on their heads after. I'm so glad that urban legend is true.
Old frat boy #2: Haha, yeah, I always make the girls I hook up with do post-coital jumping jacks.
Metrobus
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Tyler
Categories: Frat boy types | Gossip | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Show You How to Kick-Start It
Sad girl: My mom totally jacked my vibrator.
Friend: That sucks! I can lend you mine, if you want.
Queen's University
Canadia
And You're Not Even Drunk!
Whitey thug: I can't listen to you anymore! You just ended a sentence with a motherfucking preposition!
Gas station
North Carolina
Overheard by: KommissarKrunch
Categories: North Carolina | Whiteys | Words | Posted 2007-07-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Not William Hung?
Bimbette, as Dalai Lama approaches podium: He's supposed to be the reincarnation of, like, God or whatever.
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: velvin
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Massachusetts | Stupidity | Posted 2007-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Would, Too, If It Wasn't Attached
Bellhop #1: Oops... Almost forgot to bring my blueberry and honey-flavored tea!
Bellhop #2: Don't forget your vagina.
The Cliff House
Manitou Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: AR
I Got It Wholesale from a Can of Crabmeat That Was Left in the Sun
Guy on cell: I got a face full of botulism! Look at me -- I'm sexy!
New Jersey
Categories: Maladies | New Jersey | On the phone | Posted 2007-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Only on the Surface
Boy, while AC/DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long" plays: Is this song about bacon?
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Categories: Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-07-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Her Slang for Using Monistat
Teen girl exiting train: Bye! I'll call you after I drug the cat!
Shout-out: pinup.punkrockelite.org
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Did He Use a Condom?
Sweaty black girl #1, checking self out in mirror: Finally, my upper arms don't look so arm-y!
Sweaty black girl #2, lifting weights: Yeah, but your coochie still smells all marine.
YMCA
Virginia
Overheard by: jimmycity
Toss It Out the Window of a Moving Car
Mother: If a man ever hurts you, spit in his face, then cut his dick off and hand it to his mama.
Nine-year-old daughter: What if it's my brother?
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: rideabike
Best Tofu, Though
Whiny girl: Oh my god, that chicken is terrible!
Hipster chick: That's because it's tofu.
Whiny girl: Yeah, worst chicken ever.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: sarafist
Categories: Food | Hipsters | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2007-07-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Rubble Rubble?
Man, giggling: Hey, guys...
Friend: For the last time, Jeff, if it's about the Hamburglar, we don't want to hear it.
Galaxy Cinema
Nanaimo, British Columbia
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Friends | Pop culture | Posted 2007-07-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Be Ready to Fly the Plane in a Pinch
Pilot: Sit back and relax! We'll be in Indy in about an hour and 55 minutes. [Mic clicks off, then back on.] Uh... We'll be in Boston. You know where you're going.
US Airways flight
Indianapolis to Boston
Overheard by: Anna Mousey
Should Have Stayed
Chick #1: ... And then when you woke up you were naked in Las Vegas?
Chick #2: Exactly.
Ann Arbor, Michigan
I'm Going Back to the Isle of Women
Lesbian: People eat testicles here, too?!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: orly
Categories: Balls | Food | Lesbos | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-07-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No Tuition Payments after High School
Old Jewish lady: ... And what do you want to be when you grow up?
Six-year-old girl: A shampoo girl.
Four-year-old boy: A hooker!
Mother, smoking: I like it when they have low expectations about life.
São Paulo
Brazil
Categories: Brazil | Jobs & Careers | Moms | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was Kicked Out with Extreme Prejudice
Perky grad student: I got kicked out of vegetarianism for eating brains. I ate brains, I ate testicles, I ate stomachs... Stomachs are really gross.
Blacksburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Amy
They Were Baffled, but Cooperative
Man: I remember how one Halloween we ran out of candy and had to start giving the kids tea bags.
Mafiaoza's
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: John Chapin
Same Office, Different Doors
Father to daughter: So, she owned a day care center. No wait, an abortion clinic.
South Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Dads | Jobs & Careers | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I've Developed Immunity
Grumbling student: ... But I've tooken so many Englishes before...!
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: McStupid
So Maybe a Woman President Would Be Okay
Lunching ladies to man nearby: Well, we're not crazy, and we have vaginas.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: paul
Categories: Ladies who lunch | Overheard in PDX | Vagina | Posted 2007-07-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Think I Should Put on Some Pants?
Drunk guy on cell: Hey, this is Eric*. Just calling to see how you were doing at three in the morning. [To chick passerby] Hey! I saw you tonight at the club!
Angry drunk chick: Get away from me!
Drunk guy on cell, into phone: What the fuck is up with every girl on campus thinking I want to rape them? Just because I'm drunk doesn't mean I'm a fucking pervert.
University of Missouri-Columbia
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: Caesar22
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drunks | Gripes | Missouri | Posted 2007-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On the Old Format or the New One?
Drunk girl, crawling on hands and knees: Don't judge me! I got a 1500 on my SATs!
overheardatnu.blogspot.com
Categories: Bragging | Drunks | Overheard at Northwestern | Posted 2007-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But It's Dolphin, Dolphin, Dolphin, Every Damned Night!
Creepster: Given the choice, I'd rather eat a convict than a dolphin.
Kingston, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Dumbfounded
Categories: Canadia | Creepsters | Food | Posted 2007-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Did I Ever Make Her My Happy Place?
Lonely grad student: I need to get to work so I can stop thinking about Janet Reno's naked body.
Court of Sciences, UCLA
Los Angeles, California
Categories: California | Gripes | Students | Posted 2007-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Guys Can Be So Fake
Chick #1: I'm glad we're not dating anymore. He was tiring. He thought he was such a Don Juan, and I would have to pretend to be charmed by what he said.
Chick #2: Like, how do you mean?
Chick #1: Well, I told him that I thought sex should be special, and he comes back with the line, 'Every day is special with you, Olivia*.' I wanted to laugh in his face, but instead I was like, 'Oh, that's so sweet!'
Georgetown University
Washington, DC
Overheard by: they're smarter than I thought
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-07-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Has Changed Nothing Except the Smell
Hoochie: That's why I made my New Year's resolution not to vomit so much when I'm drunk. Now I do it when I'm sober.
University of Central Florida
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Petty
Say Bye-Bye to the '90s, Mom
Mom: But dear, you must like swing music. It's simply infectious!
Five-year-old daughter: Mom, I do not like swing music.
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: I don't like swing music either
Categories: California | Kids | Moms | Music | Posted 2007-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Not Sure What to Bite Off First
Chick to friend: I really thought the chocolate Jesus with the giant dick would sell!
Missouri State University
Springfield, Missouri
Overheard by: Carri Jo
Actually, It's the Joker Disguised As Batman
Student, discussing artwork: ... And this represents my soul!
Teacher, squinting: Your soul is Batman?
Twelfth grade art class
Frankfurt
Germany
Overheard by: Giggling in the back row
Only to Put Himself Through School
Eleventh grade Health teacher: Sigmund Freud did a lot of studies on that.
Jock: Wait, he was the lion tamer, right?
Plainsboro, New Jersey
Overheard by: Siegfried & Roy
Categories: Jocks | New Jersey | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2007-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Apologize for Leaving My Pyrex in Your Dishwasher
Girl on cell: No, Mom, you don't understand! The sex toy party was a lot of fun! They just had some great stuff there, okay?
College bus
Allendale, Michigan
Categories: Gossip | Michigan | On the phone | Posted 2007-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Big Fish in a Little Pond
Scrawny Jewish boy: I went to Hebrew school for seven years. I can kick anyone's ass.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: smap
Categories: Jews | Overheard at Cornell | Threats | Posted 2007-07-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No, I Mean You Personally
Third-year student #1: So, I asked her if her husband still showed her affection, and she said, 'Yes, he brings me flowers.'
Third-year student #2: Sadly, that's not really the relevant question.
Third-year student #3: Seriously. The real question is, 'Are you getting head?'
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Categories: Overheard in Law School | Questions | Students | Posted 2007-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That Had Velcro Closures
Mom: Did you see how that girl was pulling that young man across the street? Maybe he was blind.
Daughter: I saw how she was dressed -- he wasn't blind. If he was blind she wouldn't be dressing so slutty. If I dated a blind guy I would wear clothes that were soft.
Louisville, Kentucky
And the Dogs Are Not Interested!
Hot drunk chick: That's why I can't sleep at night -- because people in Knoxville wanna fuck dogs!
Barley's Taproom and Pizzeria
North Carolina
Overheard by: Drunk Patron
Categories: Drunks | Gripes | North Carolina | Posted 2007-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Exactly What Princess Superstar Is Going For
Dude: I'm not saying I don't like this song, it's just that it always strikes me as the kind of song that people with Down Syndrome would dance to.
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Megan Mama
Categories: California | Guys | Music | Posted 2007-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You All Signed Your PC Waivers
Professor: What song do you think represents your generation? Come on, it can be anything. It can be derogatory, it can call women hos -- I don't care.
Montclair State University
Montclair, New Jersey
Overheard by: BTAN
Categories: Education | New Jersey | Teachers | Posted 2007-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Used Her Back As a TV Table
Drunk guy: Yes, and this is while he was having sex and eating at the same time!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: moogs
Categories: Drunks | Gossip | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-07-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Exactly Why I Like Being Her Friend
Biotech #1: God, is she being all depressed again?
Biotech #2: Yeah, you know how she is. She just needs a guy to pay attention to her.
Biotech #1: She just needs to stop being friends with girls who are hotter than she is.
Lawrence, Kansas
What with All of the Licensing Revenue
Teen chick: You know, as long as there wasn't an intergalactic war or anything, I think it would be really cool to be an Ewok.
High school
New Zealand
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: New Zealand | Philosophy | Teens | Posted 2007-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Are You?
Old man #1: Oh my god! You're still alive?!
Old man #2: Well, yeah, ya old fuck!
Hoboken, New Jersey
Overheard by: Wendy GK
Categories: Death & dying | New Jersey | Old folks | Posted 2007-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks to the Mylar Diet
Queer #1: Is that pastrami? That was the best pastrami I've ever had.
Queer #2: Did you just ejaculate confetti?
Maryland and Euclid Avenue
St. Louis, Missouri
Hiding a Core of Transcendent Ignorance
Blonde: I'm only dumb on the outside!
Upper Hutt
New Zealand
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Bimbettes | Gossip | New Zealand | Posted 2007-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just because I Lead a Life of Vise
Sorostitute, excited: All my friends back at home have me on their phone as tool whore!
Governor's Square Mall
Tallahassee, Florida
Categories: Bragging | Florida | Sorority types | Posted 2007-07-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Draw the Line at Branding, Though
Stoner chick on cell: Yeah, he's just gonna want to get high and do stuff to my ass.
Wendy's
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: Jon
Jimmy, If a Cow Got the Chance, He'd Eat You and Everyone You Care About
Guy #1: Hey, do you think that if animals could talk and were as smart as us, we would get along?
Guy #2: I think so... Actually, maybe not lions. They're pretty crazy.
Guy #1: Yeah, we'd probably have to lock up all the lions and bears.
Guy #2: Damn, bears. Almost forgot.
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: ryan
Categories: Animals | Guys | Overheard at Western | Posted 2007-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your Father Is by Far the Obvious Choice
Five-year-old girl to sister: Who would you rather kill -- Mummy or Daddy?
Mother: I don't want to hear you talking like that.
Auckland
New Zealand
Overheard by: disturbed
Categories: Moms | New Zealand | Questions | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We No Longer Want Your Business
Client on phone: That is neither non-intuitive nor non-obvious to a non-elitist.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Jeff
Categories: On the phone | Stupidity | Washington | Posted 2007-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And the Nobel Peace Prize for 2007 Goes To...
Bimbette: How are the African kids starving? Why don't they just... eat more?
Anchorage, Alaska
Shoes Last Longer, Unless We're Talking Sting or Payless
Hoochie: I understand that you're worried about me, but I have self-control.
Friend: Do you?
Hoochie: Buying a pair of shoes is different from fucking someone.
Vassar College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Hoochies | New York | Shoes | Posted 2007-07-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ummm... Yeah
Man: She's my soul mate. I just wish she was 20 years older and not my daughter.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: that's kinda creepy
Categories: Creepsters | Family ties | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't He a Character on Heroes?
Teen girl: Oh, I always thought Hiroshima was a person.
Criminalise War Conference
Kuala Lumpur
Malaysia
The Back Half
Man on cell: Hang on, I'm coming with half of my pants!
Metro
Washington, DC
Categories: Clothing | On the phone | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
"Hail, Fellow! Well Met!"
College girl: I'm not weird. I just don't like hugs or blowjobs.
Hippie guy: I don't understand -- how do you greet people?
Rutgers University Student Center
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Categories: Hippies | New Jersey | Questions | Posted 2007-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why You Should Avoid Talking to Your Kids
Son: Dad, how do people have sex with dogs?
Father, philosophical: Same reason people have sex with sheep... Or horses.
Son: Well, how do dogs get pregnant, then?
Father, quickly: Humans can't get dogs pregnant.
Son: But how do the dogs get pregnant from having sex in the ass?
Father, worried: Nobody can get pregnant from anal sex!
Son: Yeah! Doggy-style!
Father, nervous: Bitches get done in the vagina, which you can do from the back. Believe me, it's back there if you look for it. Dogs never do anal sex -- only people do that.
Son: Hmmm...
Bay area, California
Overheard by: I don't wanna look that hard
Categories: Animals | California | Dads | Sex | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Need a Day Planner!
Stressed friend: Hurry up!
Stoner: Wait, I just need to brush my teeth.
Stressed friend: Brush your teeth?! You're going to see your mom and then your dealer! You do not need to brush your teeth!
Stockholm
Sweden
Overheard by: magnus
Categories: Health & Hygiene | Stoners | Sweden | Posted 2007-07-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Vodka Is the Best Boyfriend I've Ever Had
20-ish girl on cell: I just think I need to work on mending our relationship. Maybe we need to go do a few shots and everything will be right with the world.
Bakery kiosk, O'Hare International Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Illinois | On the phone | Posted 2007-07-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Were Transported There in a Stagecoach with No Windows
Chick: You live on a farm? In New Hampshire?! I went to New Hampshire and I didn't think they had, like, farms!
Dude: Where did you go in New Hampshire?
Chick: PETCO.
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Bimbettes | Massachusetts | Stupidity | Posted 2007-07-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In a Coonskin Cap
Chick #1, squinting at laptop: Is that a squirrel?
Chick #2: No. That's a penis.
Starbucks
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Awkward!
Categories: Animals | California | Chicks | Penis | Posted 2007-07-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Charming Belief Has a One-Week Half-Life
Mom: But, honey, it's important that you look nice when you go to school and that everything matches.
Six-year-old girl: Mom, it's not how I look that's important -- it's about my education.
Wethersfield, Connecticut
Overheard by: too cute!
Categories: Connecticut | Education | Glad the condom broke | Moms | Posted 2007-07-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Acquisitive
17-year-old boy: Geez, Angelina Jolie adopted another kid?
13-year-old boy: Why, how many does she have now?
17-year-old boy: I think, like, four.
13-year-old boy: Wow! She's fertile!
Alamogordo, New Mexico
Overheard by: DeeRock
Categories: About celebrities | New Mexico | Teens | Posted 2007-07-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Back Bay Kind
Girl #1: Fuck! I forgot the condoms!
Girl #2: What kind of party are we going to?
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Chicks | Massachusetts | Questions | Posted 2007-07-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, New Stockings, and a Clean Umbrella
Fag hag: So, I fell asleep when Jack* was stripping, and when I woke up Victor* was in pink stockings and doing something to my umbrella that I don't even want to think about. I really have to start having more straight friends.
Bar
São Paulo
Brazil
Hmmm.. Anything with Bacon?
Girl: What good vegetarian options do you have?
Waitress: Well, we have really good turkey burgers.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Hannah
Categories: Food | Pennsylvania | Servers | Posted 2007-07-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Important to Rule That Out First
Blonde: So, what's this play about?
Brunnette: It's the adult version of Peter Pan.
Blonde: You mean, like, porn?
Brunette: Uhhh, not exactly.
Showing of Peter and Wendy, Kreeger Theater
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Julius
Categories: Bimbettes | Questions | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-07-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Try to Remember What Went Where
Guy on phone: Yeah, I hate that. It's like when someone tells you he has AIDS after the fact.
Columbus Circle
New York, New York
Categories: Gripes | New York | On the phone | Posted 2007-07-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Necessity Is the Mother of Water-Bottle Bongs
Leader of group of nervous teens: Hey, do you sell rolling papers here... for tobacco?
Convenience store clerk: Sorry, man. We've only got ones for pot.
Noland Road
Independence, Missouri
Overheard by: snickering customer behind them
Maybe It's Time to Invent Fig Leaves
Drunk frat boy: Shiiit, I'm God! I'm God, and I've seen so much asscrack!
Brown University
Providence, Rhode Island
Categories: Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Rhode Island | Posted 2007-07-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Make "Ladies' Weight" Guns, You Know
Drunk bimbette: We're s'posed to be so ladylike... Why do girls have to be so ghetto and stab each other all the time?
York University
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: A and A
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Drunks | Questions | Violence | Posted 2007-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Totally Baked
Hot chick: That's the dude that was in my oven at three a.m.!
NJ Transit station
New Jersey
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | New Jersey | Posted 2007-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You'd Read Any Whorf, You'd Know What I Mean
Pretty lady: You say a lot of bad words. Some people say that happens when you don't have the intelligence to express your self otherwise.
College kid: That ain't the case with me. I got a fuckin' vocabulary, man. I just use words everyone understands, like 'shit' and 'fuck' and what-not, so I don't obfuscate my meaning.
Panama City, Panama
I Don't Want to Know Where the Dumplings Fit In
Chick #1: I'm telling her the dumpling story.
Chick #2: Which story? Oh, the one about how people get off on being peed on?
Chick #1: What?!
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Ladle
Categories: Chicks | New Jersey | Pee | Posted 2007-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Secession of New York Is Just Wishful Thinking
Confused chick: Excuse me, sir, I don't know which line to go into... This says 'resident,' but I'm not from here -- I'm from New York.
Homeland Security agent: It's still this line.
O'Hare Airport immigration line
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: amused traveller
Finally Got That Aerosmith Roadie Gig?
Roomie #1: I wonder what ever happened to James*. I mean, we haven't seen him since fifth grade. I hope he's not in a mental home or something -- him and his weird mom. Maybe he's finally doing what he's always wanted to do: work with dinosaurs.
Roomie #2: Yeah, or living with them.
Roomie #1: That is sooo true.
Montclair State University
Montclair, New Jersey
Overheard by: i love dinosaurs
Categories: Gossip | New Jersey | Students | Posted 2007-07-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
April: Actually, I Was Boning Donatello
Chick #1: Have I ever told you how much I hate Sex and the City?
Chick #2: Yes.
Chick #1: I just think that if women are going to base their lives around a TV show, it should be a cooler one... like Ninja Turtles.
Chick #2: You're right.
Chick #1: April O'Neil was a good role model. She was interested in reporting the truth and wearing yellow jumpsuits. And nailing Casey Jones. He was hot.
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Categories: Chicks | Overheard at Western | TV shows | Posted 2007-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Second Grade Is a Jungle
Seven-year-old boy: Just because he's a kid doesn't mean he should not have to moisturize his hair.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: sandy
Categories: Kids | Philosophy | Texas | Posted 2007-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Kids Will Eat Me Alive!
Chick looking into her palm, then at thug nearby: Man, I'm a preschool teacher! Don't sell me the wrong drugs!
Bar
Ft. Smith, Arkansas
Overheard by: her best friend
But I'm an Only Child
Mom: You know, you're a strange duck.
Three-year-old son: Yeah? Well, you have a big nose! [Laughs hysterically.]
Mom: Out of all my kids, I like you the least.
City bus
Winnipeg, Manitoba
Canadia
Overheard by: Sarah
Worth a Shot
Mom: I'll have a diet Coke.
Dad: I'll have an iced tea.
10-year-old girl: I'll have a Bailey's coffee.
Waitress: Um... Can I see some ID?
10-year-old girl: Okay, I'll just have coffee, then.
Cheesecake Factory
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: around the corner
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Glad the condom broke | Parents | Servers | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There's Only So Much Handwriting Practice I Can Take
Lady on cell: This week was absolute hell. Yeah, I was with seven nuns all week.
Adult Education Center
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Categories: Gossip | Massachusetts | On the phone | Posted 2007-07-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
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