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July 2007 Archives
Wait, an Outline, or Solid Shaded?
Girl: I bet he would.
Friend: No, he wouldn't.
Girl: I'll call him now. [Dials] Hey, honey. Quick question: if I had a tattoo of a dick on the inside of my thigh about half an inch away from my pussy, would you lick it? [Pause] No. I said 'if'... Well, no, I'm not saying it's totally out of the question... Fine. We'll talk about it when I get home. [To friend] See? I told you he would!
Bus stop
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Dana
I'm Basically a Communal Stress Ball
Yuppie girl on cell: ... And then he grabbed my ass right in front of her! If I was her, I would have thrown a fit... But she knows she'll never be at my level.
Georgetown
Washington, DC
Categories: Insults | Washington, DC | Yuppies | Posted 2007-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, I Think That Might Be a Sex Crime
Fat guy: So, I was getting head when all of a sudden I got this case of explosive diarrhea! I shitted everywhere, dude!
University of Hartford
West Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Joa
Categories: BJs | Connecticut | Creepsters | Gossip | Poop | Posted 2007-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just a Silent High Five
Hot young suit #1: What happened with your girlfriend?
Hot young suit #2: I manipulated her into a false sense of security, then rooted her, then dumped her -- same as I did with Mandy. [After a pause] I'm not looking for praise.
Theatre
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Rosebyanothername
Observing the Employed in Their Natural Habitat
College guy to group, confused by crowd at ten a.m.: I always forget there's this whole subculture of people who get up before noon.
Connecticut Avenue and R Street
Washington, DC
Categories: Frat boy types | Stupidity | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-07-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You Deflating?
Guy lying on girl's stomach: Your bellybutton is probably the worst thing I've smelled this week.
São Paulo
Brazil
Overheard by: what about last week?
My Secret? Low Standards.
Girl #1: You fail at life.
Girl #2: Nuh-uh! I'm good at life! I have a C-plus at life!
High school
Ohio
Overheard by: Kat Navane
Can I Get a Swig?
Hobo: Girl, I know you're a freak! All redheads are freaks!
Brunette hipster pumping gas: Step off. What I do is none of your business.
Hobo: Lady, I'm just talking shit 'cause I'm drunk.
Brunette hipster: Me, too.
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: cuspy
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Hipsters | Hobos | Missouri | Posted 2007-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Wanna Eat Your Hair, Cough It Up, and Mold It into the Shape of a Baby
Hot lesbo #1: I wanna have your babies.
Hot lesbo #2: I wanna eat your babies.
Hot lesbo #1: I wanna eat your hair.
Piola Bar
São Paulo
Brazil
Overheard by: touché
Categories: Brazil | Compliments | Lesbos | Posted 2007-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Says She's Saving All That for Marriage
Preppy chick: I've never seen her pee in a bush or even fart or anything. It's like I only know her on one level, you know?
Harvard Station
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Massachusetts | Philosophy | Preppies | Posted 2007-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's Just Get a Room This Time, Okay?
Hot chick: I was too tired for a layover in Denver! It's not like you'd let me nap -- we'd just end up fucking in the airport bathroom for five hours. Wait! If Denver's the Mile High City, do you think bathroom sex can count us into the Mile High Club? Oh my god, I am changing my flight -- Cleveland can wait. Cock is so much more important.
Minneapolis-St.Paul International Airport
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Wishing I was the dude in Denver
Categories: Airports & flights | Chicks | Minnesota | Sex | Posted 2007-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Will Accept That As a Promissory Note
Hipster girl: Don't you dare lick me!
Hipster boy: [Licks her.]
Hipster girl: I love you.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Excluding the Sybian, Right?
Party-goer: She is the only person I know who has a favorite appliance!
Moroccan restaurant
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Friends | Gossip | Washington | Posted 2007-07-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not Really -- Your Hair Looks Like Shit
Fashionista: Why are you so late?
Queer in hat: I ran out of money and had to give the cabbie a blowjob to pay the fare.
Fashionista: Oh my god! Really?!
Queer in hat: No. I had a hair emergency... But wasn't that a much better answer?
Ellus fashion show line
São Paulo
Brazil
Yeah -- Titles Are Hard
20-ish girl: So, I was thinking of 'Liberty and Justice for Balls.'
20-ish guy: Liberty and justice for balls?
20-ish girl: Yeah, I was trying to think of a paper title.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: um, what?
Categories: Education | Idiots | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Do I Get a Title Like That?
Queer ranting on cell: You pissed your bed, now marinate in it, Mister Magical!
14th Street and Grand Boulevard
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: Auds
Categories: Gripes | Missouri | On the phone | Queers | Posted 2007-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For You Cat Lovers, It Was a Dog
Flight attendant over PA after bump during taxi: Don't worry guys, it was just a cat!
Southwest Airlines, BWI airport
Baltimore, Maryland
Categories: Airports & flights | Animals | Flight attendants | Maryland | Posted 2007-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Sit-Quietly Bad, or Call-the-Cops Bad?
Crazy man to passenger: Fuck you and your bald mother.
Conductor: Do we have a problem here?
Crazy man: I'm in a bad-fucking-mood today.
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Crazies | Gripes | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Are You Sure You're Using Them Correctly?
Guy to girlfriend: I like when we're both using our laptops and I lick your nipple and it shocks me, like licking a nine-volt battery.
Palo Alto, California
Categories: California | Guys | Laptops | Licking | Nipples | Posted 2007-07-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Always Time For A Drum Circle
Crunchy hippie: We were on the way to the bee colony to harvest some honey, but then I thought, Dude! It's time for a drum circle.
House of Musical Traditions
Takoma Park, Maryland
The Former.
Man to friend: I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wanted a present for Valentine's Day and I didn't get her one, or the fact that I didn't want a present for my birthday and she got me one.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: you really don't know?
Categories: Gripes | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Among Us Hasn't Considered It?
Girl, about sister's boyfriends: That was Bob* -- he wanted to marry her.
Guy: Bob was kinda creepy.
Girl: Bob was not creepy! He had a job.
Guy: If that's your only qualification for 'not creepy'--
Girl: --He just faked his own death. But he got it out of his system -- he won't do it again.
DMV
Virginia
Overheard by: much less bored now
Oh, in That Case I'd Be a Cheetah
Guy #1: Man, that movie was so good last night -- I was so baked.
Guy #2: Yeah, that shit is so much better when you're high.
Guy #1, after a pause: If you were a bird, what kind of bird would you be?
Guy #2: I don't like birds.
Guy #3: I'd be a pterodactyl, dude.
Cafeteria line, Colgate University
Hamilton, New York
Categories: Birds | Colleges & Universities | Frat boy types | New York | Questions | Posted 2007-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Clams.
Guy with hair down to waist and death metal t-shirt: I really enjoy eating animals that have the ability to eat humans.
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: horrified zoo-enthusiast
Categories: Animals | Guys | Overheard in Philly | Posted 2007-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everybody Knows God's White and Has No Rhythm
Girl #1: Is that hail?
Girl #2, looking out window: No, it's just some guys stepping.
Girl #1: Oh. I was wondering why the hail had a beat.
Mississippi University for Women
Columbus, Mississippi
Categories: Bimbettes | Mississippi | Weather | Posted 2007-07-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Black People: Yeah, We're Fine with That
Stressed undergrad: Yeah, I have to write a 25 page paper on my experiences with racial ideology.
Bimbette: Oh my god, I would just write a list of every time I talked to a black person... But I would never be able to get 25 pages.
overheardatnu.blogspot.com
Categories: Bimbettes | Overheard at Northwestern | Race | Students | Posted 2007-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Subtle Distinction, but an Important One
Man: That's not love; that's getting drunk and waking up naked in a barn.
Boise, Idaho
Categories: Guys | Idaho | Philosophy | Posted 2007-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But at That Point I've Got Nothing to Lose!
Hobo to another: If that bitch is late, you gotta pull the dick out.
Wacker Drive and Lake Street
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: pulled out
See, Now I'm on Coke, and I Can Tell the Truth
Lady: When I was on morphine I told them I liked Pearl Jam. I hate Pearl Jam!
Eat 'N' Park
Sewickley, Pennsylvania
Categories: Gripes | Grumpies | Music | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Is, a Little Less Every Year
Native girl #1: Fuck you.
Native girl #2, annoyed: You piss me off to my titties.
Winnipeg
Canadia
Overheard by: pissed off
David Is a Fully-Functional Dildo As Well
Carpool driver, noticing woman at bus stop: She has art between her legs.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: b!X
Categories: Gossip | Overheard in PDX | Strangers | Posted 2007-07-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Going to Have to Regrade Your Test
Student: Man! Question number four on that exam? The one about chickens was so hard... It took me forever.
Teacher: Well, it seemed tricky, but the problem was really pretty straightforward. It just involved birds instead of mammals.
Student: ... Chickens are birds?
Bloomington, Indiana
It's Not Consent Per Se...
Builder to another during break: Mate, I tell you -- that fish was happy.
Dalston
London
England
Categories: Animals | Creepsters | England | Posted 2007-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Might As Well Go Back to Sleep at That Point
Lady suit #1: I mean, can you imagine waking up one day to find out that you're six months pregnant?
Lady suit #2: Seven months.
Lady suit #1: Seven months?
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: jfa
Categories: Overheard in Minneapolis | Questions | Suits | Posted 2007-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Her Work Can and Will Be Used Against Her
Dude whining about a girl: That's how she does it, man. That's her opus miranda.
Spadina street car
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Fuel
The Best I Can Do Is Some Croutons and a Spanking
Drunk girl: I hope I get my ass kicked for eating this salad!
Houston, Texas
Thereby Creating a Paradox
Girl to guy : Stop raping my bellybutton! If I wanted you to rape it, I'd let you!
Shout-out: weirdosofwinnipeg.blogspot.com
Categories: Chicks | Gripes | Weirdos of Winnipeg | Posted 2007-07-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Was All Good Except for Shitting in a Box
Girl on cell: Guess what? I got to be the big yellow cat again yesterday!
Hornsby train
Sydney
Australia
Categories: Australia | Bragging | On the phone | Posted 2007-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Can Sense Deities and Terminators
Daughter: What's the dog barking at?
Mother: Jesus.
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: smellmyknee
You're Not Still Pregnant?
Enthusiastic lady: Oh, you must be having a boy!
Very preggers: Uh, no... It's actually a girl.
Enthusiastic lady: Really? Because your face has changed!
Very preggers: What do you mean?
Enthusiastic lady: Oh, you know, it just looks bad. I was ugly, too, when I was pregnant with my son.
Clinic waiting room
San Francisco, California
Categories: Insults | Preggers | San Francisco | Strangers | Posted 2007-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Email Me the Instant Replay or the Wedding's Off
Man on cell: I just need to know that he didn't cum in your mouth!
South Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Amelia
Categories: Cum | On the phone | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-07-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
As Flashbacks Go, Anyway
White dreadlocked hippie: ... And I was totally like, [punches fist into air] 'Thank you, Grandfather Salmon! That was awesome!'
St. Lawrence Market
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
And before Subtitles
Blonde #1: Did you see Marie Antoinette?
Blonde #2: Yeah.
Blonde #1: I don't get why they're all speaking English if they're in France.
Blonde #2: I think that was before they invented French.
Blockbuster
Orlando, Florida
But She Spent It, So Can We Move On?
Drunken bimbette: First of all, Francesca feels really bad about taking my dad's money when he was in a coma...
Sinbad's
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: another margarita, please!
Categories: Bimbettes | California | Drunks | Gossip | Posted 2007-07-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Just Too Lazy to Do It Right Now
Girl yelling out window to friend: Bitch! I am the motherfuckin' bishop Don Juan of proving points!
Colfax bus
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: lauren
The Question Is, How Is It Not?
Student #1: I don't know what people are going on about. To me, 'fuzzy logic' and 'rough sets' are basically the same.
Student #2: How is fuzzy logic anything like rough sex?
University of Pretoria
South Africa
Overheard by: Daniel