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May 2007 Archives
I'm Currently in between Abortions
Lab TA: This is bromium chloride. If you have guys in your group, have them work with it. If not, girls, I hope you're not pregnant. It tends to cause birth defects and cancer.
Chick #1 in back of room, whispering: You guys, I can't touch that stuff!
Chick #2: Why not? Are you pregnant?
Chick #1: You see, that's the thing -- I don't know...
Oklahoma State University
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: She's majoring in drunken sorority girl
Wait, What Kind of Hooker Do I Look Like?
Chick #1: Girl, get off me. You know I don't like hookers.
Chick #2: Yeah, well, I don't like Chinese people.
Chick #1: Do I look Chinese to you?
Chick #2: I was just letting you know.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Friends | Gripes | Posted 2007-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Public Service Warning for All Education Majors at Smith
Education professor: Marshmallows are not alive... are they?
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Categories: Massachusetts | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Asparagus Pee Is Forbidden by the Geneva Convention
Creepy guy: Hey, Joey*.
Joey: Yeah?
Creepy guy: Have you ever put pee in a Super Soaker before?
Joey: Yeah.
Friend: What?
Girl: Ewww.
Friend: What does it feel like if you're sprayed?
Creepy guy, shrugs: Kinda tingles.
Geography class, All Saints High School
Whitby, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: freshman whisperer
Nothing Like Fuzzy Wits and a Full Bladder
Man #1: You know what I'm gonna do as soon as that train comes? I'm gonna go in between the cars and take a whiz!
Man #2: Yo, man, you can't do that! You'll get in trouble! When the train comes just sit yourself down with me and we'll smoke a joint!
Fullerton L platform
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Friends | Illinois | Time Management | Posted 2007-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Have the Trophies to Back That Up
Girl in front: Hey! I can shoot a cat as well as the next girl!
Normandale Community College
Bloomington, Minnesota
Overheard by: who questions that ability??
Take That Back or I'll Give You an Atomic Wedgie Right Here
Late 20s drone in front of train operator's door: Excuse me, can you move forward? The operator said I'm blocking the window.
Late 40s suit: No, you move forward. This is my spot.
Late 20s drone: We're both blocking the window, and I can't move unless you do.
Late 40s suit: I'm not moving.
Late 20s drone, groaning: You're an ass.
Late 40s suit: No, you're an ass.
Late 20s drone, pushing past: Oh, fuck you.
Late 40s suit, mocking: Oh, fuck you.
Late 20s drone: Good luck in third grade.
BART train, Bay Point - Daly City line
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: baby boomers must die
Categories: Insults | Jerks | San Francisco | Strangers | Train | Posted 2007-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The "X-Wing" Is a Favorite of Mine
Second year student: So, what do you do when your potential client is not being straight with you?
Professor: If you can't get at them frontally, get at them sideways.
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Overheard by: bootstraps
Undeserved Sympathy Is Better Than Being Ignored
Girl: I like wearing this hat because it makes me look like a cancer patient.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: wb
Categories: Chicks | Clothing | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It'll Only Get Rougher from There
Male flight attendant: This will be a miserable flight. It'll be really turbulent and then we'll end up in New Jersey.
Flight into Newark Airport
Categories: Airports & flights | Flight attendants | Gripes | Posted 2007-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Correct Answer: Whatever You Want -- I Love You
Woman: I told you, I will not use Downy fabric softener ever again. Pick something else!
Boyfriend: What? 'Cause it says 'April Fresh'? Oh, come on!
Woman: I don't want anything with your ex-girlfriend's name on it. I'm not gonna be reminded of April every damn time I do laundry.
Big 8 Grocery Store
El Paso, Texas
Which Is Why They Call It V-E Half-Day
Professor: So, how did the baby boom come about?
Student: When a--
Professor: --You don't need to actually walk me through it. In the late 1940s, everybody was becoming a mother. Okay, half of everybody.
University of North Florida
Jacksonville, Florida
Actually, Just a Regular One with a Small Bun
Hungry girl: Oooh, what's the jumbo hot dog?
Clerk: Ummm, it's a really big hot dog.
Milwaukee Admirals game, Bradley Center
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Travis
Um... I Meant, "Can I Speak French?"
Guest speaker: What are the rules for language in this class?
Professor: Go right ahead. You can say 'fuck' all you want.
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Categories: Overheard in Law School | Teachers | Words | Posted 2007-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And No, I Don't Think "Frenulum" Is a Pretty Name
Bimbette: Wait! So she had the baby via circumcision?!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Bimbettes | Gossip | Overheard at McGill | Words | Posted 2007-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Diversity Provides a Wide Variety of Scary
Chick: It wasn't, like, black people-scary. It was, like, Appalachian-scary. I didn't feel like I was going to be shot, I felt like I was going to be eaten.
University of Michigan
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Categories: Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Fears | Michigan | Posted 2007-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Regret Everything
Professor: It was all sex, drugs, and rock and roll back then... But I wasn't doing much of that because I was too busy getting my PhD so I could teach at Brandeis.
Brandeis University
Waltham, Massachusetts
Overheard by: lala
Categories: Gossip | Massachusetts | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Said, "My Name's Chip. And That's an Egg McMuffin."
Frat boy: So, the prof walked into class and he looked right at me and he said, 'Drew*, your right testicle is hanging out.' That's how he started the class!
Shout-out: weirdosofwinnipeg.blogspot.com
Categories: Balls | Frat boy types | Gossip | Weirdos of Winnipeg | Posted 2007-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Took Up All My Free Time and Left Me Really Tired, but Gave Me Some Extra Spending Money
Burly dude to friend: Last week I took a crap that was like having a second job.
Truck stop, I-81
Allentown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Tha WB
Categories: Friends | Pennsylvania | Poop | Posted 2007-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We'll Only Be Able to Make Improvements on the Basis of Efficiency
Professor: At every threshold capacity spanking is happening!
Vanderbilt University
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Teachers | Tennessee | Posted 2007-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'm Not Sure I Was Making Any Sense
Communications professor: Do you think you've made any progress in this class?
Student who just gave her speech: Well, my butt cheeks weren't shaking this time!
Community college
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Some progress is better than none.
Categories: Ass | Class | Pennsylvania | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
People Are All "What's Up?" As Volunteers Push Me Back into the Sea
College guy: Ugh. Now I know what a beached whale feels like when it gets a phone call.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Bahama Mama
Categories: Animals | Students | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Apparently She Needs the Practice
Goth teen girl: If you don't come back to me, I'll kill myself.
Exasperated teen guy: Why the fuck do you do this shit to me?
Friend: Don't listen to her. She's always killing herself.
East Bay Diner
Oceanside, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
No Need for That Kind of Language, Missy
Girl stretching after a workout: Oooh, my cooter bone!
Ohio University
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: Meredith
Categories: Body parts | Chicks | Ohio | Posted 2007-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Flossing Doesn't Seem to Have Helped
Chick #1: I have toothpaste on my crotch.
Chick #2: Uh... What?
Chick #1: I was brushing my teeth this afternoon and I got excited.
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: natalie
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Overheard at Western | Posted 2007-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jason Decides Reality Is Too Hard
Mom: Does Mommy look fat in this?
Toddler: Yes!
Mom: No! You're supposed to say no!
Toddler: [Silence.]
Target
Moreno Valley, California
Overheard by: Lisa
Categories: California | Insults | Moms | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He and the Cat Have Never Been in a Room at the Same Time
Queer: I love my boyfriend, but I really think he might be a shapeshifter.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Queers | Posted 2007-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No, That's Your Dollar -- You Just Keep It
Mom changing toddler's diaper: Honey, it appears that you have glitter on your penis.
Mount Vernon, New York
Overheard by: Deek
To Confuse Any Terrorists Who May Be Flying with Us Today
Captain: Welcome to JetBlue! I am your captain, Greg, and sitting next to me is your co-captain... also Greg.
Flight to Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Chelsea
Best Thing You Can Teach a Kid Is How to Suck It Up
Teen daughter screaming hysterically: Daddy, if you loved me you would have gotten me business class!
Ruffled dad: Are you fuckin' kidding me?
Logan International Terminal
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: feeling conflicted in steerage
Categories: Dads | Gripes | Massachusetts | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Do a Chinese American Dance in Sweats, and That's My Final Offer
Guy: I'll do the work and you'll do the Chinese dance in sexy underwear.
Angry Chinese girl: No!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: ad'a
Categories: Asians | Dancing | Guys | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And If That Means We Can't Be Married within Our Faith, So Be It
Chick: No, you will not show my grandma your penis! I don't want my grandma telling me that you're too small or too big for her granddaughter!
Puerto Allegra restaurant
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Amber
Categories: Chicks | Penis | San Francisco | Posted 2007-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And This Is a Subject I've Given a Lot of Thought
First year girl: I wouldn't let my mom kiss me goodnight if I had a vagina for a nose, anyways.
Queen's University
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Students | Vagina | Posted 2007-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Apple?
Girlfriend: You're still tying your shoes with bunny ears?
Boyfriend: The other way is really hard!
Girlfriend: It's so easy!
Boyfriend: Look, I have to do the bunny ears. I can't tie my shoes the other way. It's like, the bunny goes around the tree 50 billion times, then hides in its hole, comes out and the mongoose chases it... Then the rabbit eats the apple!
High school
Hamburg, New York
Categories: Couples | New York | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Posted 2007-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hope for the Best and Pack a Vibrator
Chick #1: About 20 minutes is good enough.
Chick #2: But what about the pleasure part?
Colby College, Maine
Overheard by: they stopped talking when they saw me listening
Categories: Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Maine | Questions | Posted 2007-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Slick Salty Shame
Dude: So, you know what makes a great lube? Tears.
Chick: Yeah, they do. Especially in the shower.
864 Club
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Cdogg Davis
Categories: Friends | Gossip | San Francisco | Posted 2007-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why You Shouldn't Teach Kids New Words
Four-year-old: Mommy, are you having a breakdown? [Bored mother ignores child.] Mommy, I'm having a breakdown!
National Gallery
Edinburgh
Scotland
Categories: Gripes | Scotland | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gay Fashion Designers?
Skinny white kid: Who doesn't love black chicks with fat asses?
Political Theory class, University of Southern California
Los Angeles, California
I'm Like, Red Sky at Morning, Sailor Take Warning!
Girl #1: I just want to tell her, 'Just because you think the sun rises and sets in her vagina doesn't mean we all have to.'
Girl #2: Seriously.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Chicks | Eavesdrop DC | Vagina | Posted 2007-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And They Painted John Adams Purple
Little girl to mother, pointing at a picture of Ronald McDonald: Look, Mommy -- they put lipstick on George Washington!
McDonald's
Jackson, New Jersey
Overheard by: Lydia
Categories: Glad the condom broke | History | New Jersey | Posted 2007-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Not Irresistible; That Makes It His Fault
Chick #1: Oh my god, I was so drunk last night! Do you think Lisa will get mad that I made out with her boyfriend?
Chick #2: Yes.
Chick #1: Well, it wasn't really my fault.
Chick #2: Yes, it was. You basically went up to him, batted your eyelashes, and started making out.
Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Laura
Categories: California | Hoochies | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Posted 2007-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They'd Be Having Awkward One-Nighters All Over the World
Blonde: What if the Nazis got Facebook?
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Bimbettes | Overheard at McGill | Questions | Posted 2007-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What? It's Not Gay If He's Dead.
Film buff: What I want is to wake up next to a girl who I can have a great conversation with -- someone I really want to talk to. And if I woke up next to Toshiro Mifune, that'd be interesting.
Northcote
Australia
Categories: Australia | Guys | Relationships | Posted 2007-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Still Conducting Field Research
Asian dude: I don't know. Something about the alcohol there gets me drunk.
Friends: Yeah!
California State University Dominguez Hills
Carson, California
Overheard by: Danial
Categories: California | Friends | Stupidity | Posted 2007-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, You're Not a Rutgers Student! Get Off This Bus!
Genius #1, about Neil Armstrong: Wait, didn't he win the Tour de-- Oh, no, that was Lance Armstrong.
Genius #2: Wait, there are two of them? I thought the astronaut guy turned into the bike guy!
Rutgers bus
New Jersey
Categories: About celebrities | Bus | Idiots | Posted 2007-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We're Still Working on "A Peanut Is Neither a Pea Nor a Nut"
English teacher, on The Sun Also Rises: In one sense this book is a love story between a nymphomaniac and a man without a penis... [Pause] Discuss.
Acton, Massachusetts
Categories: Education | Massachusetts | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wanna See My Picture with Santa?
Girl to guys talking about their Easter candy: You know, I just want to point out that you're both 23 and still getting Easter candy from your parents.
Guy #1: Hey, it's not like I asked for it!
Guy #2: And besides, it's not from my mom. It's from the bunny.
PETCO Park
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Danette
Categories: California | Friends | Holidays | Insults | Posted 2007-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Is It Too Late to Change Our Minds?
Lecturer: If I'd given you gin instead of phonology, no doubt you'd all be sitting closer together.
Manchester University
UK
Overheard by: Ferdinand
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | England | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Girls, Learn Some New Insults. Granny, Get with the Program
Teen daughter: You're a dickwad.
Mom: No, you're a dickwad.
Teen daughter: No, you're a dickwad.
Mom: No, you're a dickwad.
Granny, with English accent: What's a dickwad?
Teen daughter: It's a pile of jism, Granny.
Dad: Okay, family meeting right now!
On the subway
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: jezebel
Categories: Canadia | Family ties | Insults | Moms | Old folks | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Schedule C Controlled Nationality
Girl #1: Is Cuba part of North America?
Girl #2: Do they speak Spanish in Cuba?
Girl #1: Yes.
Girl #2: Then no. Cuba is not part of North America.
Guy: What about Mexico? They speak Spanish in Mexico.
Girl #2: Mexicans are illegal.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Idiots | Overheard at McGill | Questions | Posted 2007-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Tim Allen Stars in Christmas with the Pygmies
Female student: The women incite their husbands and the women get mad when their babies get eaten.
Sarah Lawrence College
Bronxville, New York
Categories: Colleges & Universities | New York | Relationships | Students | Posted 2007-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In the Sense That I Don't Know What He Did
Social science student: I don't think of Che Guevara in the political sense. For me he's only a pop icon.
Pontifícia Universidade Católica de São Paulo
Brazil
And Now It's Payback Time
Girl: Hey! That guy pierced my nipple on Friday!
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Nipples | Overheard at Western | Posted 2007-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Honey, Not the Strawberry -- I'm Still Sore From Last Night
Chick: ... But it's only about the size of a strawberry.
Dude: And all I'm saying is that a strategically placed strawberry can exert a surprising amount of pressure.
Random passerby: Right on!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: snickerpants
Categories: Friends | Fruit | Washington | Posted 2007-05-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Fuck Them, Then Piss in Their Beds
Girl: I hated him so much I pissed in his bed.
Guy: What happens if you really like them?
Lincoln Park, Illinois
Overheard by: olly
What's Your Problem? Twenties Keep Coming Out!
Guy to girl in line at ATM: Stop playing with his butthole! What are you doing to his butthole?!
Champaign, Illinois
Overheard by: In front of her in line, and afraid to turn around
What You Never Knew about the Last Supper
Hipster chick: You know, you can tell it's a good party by how many people get their stomachs pumped, and whether or not Mark gets naked.
Friend: Totally.
Starbucks
Virginia
Categories: Hipsters | Philosophy | Virginia | Posted 2007-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Come Back! You Teach in Korea!
16-year-old: There are 24 letters in the alphabet, right?
Teacher: I quit.
Bradley, Illinois
Overheard by: A Horrified Student
Categories: Education | Illinois | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Isn't That because It's Ann Landers's Birthday?
Professor: Adams and Jefferson weren't the only presidents to die on the Fourth of July. Does anyone know the third?
Student #1: Was it Monroe?
Professor: Yes, Monroe also died on the Fourth of July. Quite interesting, isn't it?
Student #2: Is that why we celebrate the Fourth of July?
Liberal Ed floor, Columbia College
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Ready to graduate
Too Drunk to Hit On? Or Just Drunk Enough?
Woman: I don't keep any money in my billfold. You know, in case I lose it. So, what's your favorite Bible verse?
Macaroni Grill
Lawrenceville, Georgia
Overheard by: onethingleadstoanother
Jay and Silent Bob Finally Accept It
Woman, about two men hugging: Okay, good. Now I want to see you make out. For two minutes. In slow motion.
Crossgates Mall
Albany, New York
Overheard by: conrad jones
Categories: Creepsters | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | New York | Posted 2007-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Prefer the Good-Looking Strippers
Orthodox Jew with cello case: They let you play with dogs in Vegas!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Gossip | Jews | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2007-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Country's Just a Collection of Ill-Matched Couples
International Trade professor: This may seem counter-intuitive, but why would any country agree to something that would make it worse off? Just like my first marriage, it happens.
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Categories: Overheard in Law School | Relationships | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Well. It's the Thought That Counts
Girl to guy trying to grab her underwear: Ow! What the fuck are you doing?
Boy: Sorry! I was trying to give you a wedgie, but I didn't realize that you already had one.
Alaska Pacific University
Anchorage, Alaska
Categories: Alaska | Colleges & Universities | Students | Undies | Posted 2007-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Has Actually Mislabeled the '70s
Professor: It's debatable whether or not LSD was actually dangerous. I mostly remember the '60s.
East Carolina University
Greenville, North Carolina
Categories: Drugs | North Carolina | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Vietnam Memories
Girl on cell: ... And he ate the whole ear.
Swan Walk Shopping Centre
Horsham
UK
Categories: England | Gossip | On the phone | Posted 2007-05-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If He's the Real Deal, He'll Forgive Me
Dude #1: Dude, did you just call Jesus a fag?
Dude #2: I did.
Billings, Montana
Overheard by: he really did
I Owe Dale $800, and He's Out for Blood
A girl screams and begins running away.
Friend: It's a chipmunk, you dumbass!
Girl, resuming original path: Oh.
Hubbard Lane
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Jigga Mouse
Lisa Gets Sold into Slavery on the Barbary Coast
White girl on cell: But we couldn't tell if he's a pirate...
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Categories: Jobs & Careers | On the phone | Overheard in Philly | Whiteys | Posted 2007-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Will You Need the Whiteboard?
Chick, during silence: ... So I woke him up at like two in the morning and was like, 'Holy fuck!' ... Oh, sorry. I guess I should explain myself.
Lecture hall, Wake Forest University
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gossip | North Carolina | Students | Posted 2007-05-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So It's Not a Chain,Then?
Student #1: ... And this concludes my presentation on Sudan. Are there any questions?
Student #2: Sudan... Is that where that Hotel Rwanda thing happened?
Professor: No, that would be Rwanda.
International Marketing class, University of Nebraska-Lincoln
Lincoln, Nebraska
Overheard by: Meagan
You Mean I Got These Knuckle Tattoos for Nothing?
Crazy lady with fanny pack, after hearing "Emotion" by the Bee Gees on loudspeaker: Love is not an emotion!
Wal-Mart
Oakdale, Louisiana
Overheard by: Vicky
It's Like the Inside of a Man's Mind in There
Sexy girl: My roommate keeps the room temp at, like, tropical. It gets so hot in there it gets hazy! It's a good thing she doesn't care about nudity, because the only way I survive in that room is to walk around naked.
High Point, North Carolina
Categories: Chicks | North Carolina | Weather | Posted 2007-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
How Can You Think That after All the Threesomes I've Done for You?
Mom to girls at bar: You two are so cute. [To daughter's friend] So, do you swing both ways?
Friend: Uhhh...
Daughter: Just ignore my mother. She's really drunk and thinks I need a date.
Mom: I'm just trying. Do you think I don't care about you?
Louisville, Kentucky
Being President Means Always Having to Say You're Sorry
Visiting Chinese professor: We like Clinton for his love stories.
University of Tulsa
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Oklahoma | Politics | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They're All Cheetahs and Liars
Singing teen: If you find yourself in a situation where you're gonna have sex with a leopard, don't, because it's gross.
148 bus
Ottawa
Canadia
I Need to Wait for Him to Make the Down Payment
Lady to math tutor: I have to call home. I'm not about to take out a loan if he hasn't used the bathroom yet.
University of Nevada, Las Vegas library
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: the stonefoxx
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gripes | Nevada | Students | Posted 2007-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What's This on My Syllabus?
Distinguished professor: I think I do sex next Tuesday, is that right?
Evolutionary Ecology class, University of California
Santa Cruz, California
Categories: California | Class | Jobs & Careers | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everything Bagels
Blonde: You know you are involved in an illegitimate affair when your secret word for sex is 'bagels.'
Virginia
Otherwise My Tech Support Job Will Be Obsolete
Girl on cell: Well, I don't care if they kill fucking humans; just don't fucking kill the worms!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: hearstoomuch
Categories: Murder | On the phone | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If I Want to Stop Attracting Hippies
Roller derby girl: ... And it occurs to me that I'm 23 years old -- I should probably shave my underarms.
Lucky 7's
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Categories: Chicks | New Jersey | Shaving | Posted 2007-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fat People: Can't Argue. Eating.
Queer: If gay people can't get married then fat people shouldn't be allowed to have lunch breaks!
Carson Street
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Cassie
Categories: Indiana | Philosophy | Queers | Posted 2007-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That's How You Were Conceived
WASP mom to her two pre-teen kids: Your father got fucked in the ass.
Micawber Books
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Categories: Backdoor | Gossip | Moms | New Jersey | Parenting | Posted 2007-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Tryin' to Cause a Scene Over Here!
College dude: She needs to get her fuckin' face smashed in. She's such a stupid bitch.
Friend: Who?
College dude: Janet*. I fuckin' hate her. This is fuckin' bullshit. [To other friend across the library] Hey, shut the fuck up down there!
577 Western Avenue
Westfield, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Annie
Categories: Gripes | Jerks | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-05-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Senility Jane Goes to College
Girl #1, studying: I don't want to do this anymore! In five years I'm going to be dead and I won't care.
Girl #2: You won't be dead in five years.
Girl #1: Well, I'm going to be really old and I'm not going to care anymore.
Girl #2: You're not going to be old and you will care.
Girl #1: Wait... What? Care about what?
SUNY Cortland
Cortland, New York
Overheard by: Stephanie
Dude, That's David Spade
Man at airport: I'm gonna go hug that kid. Maybe then his mom will start keeping an eye on him.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: tim
Categories: Creepsters | Overheard Lines | Parenting | Posted 2007-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nothing Tastes As Good As Dead Feels
Woman on cell: So, she hasn't had anything to eat since Monday afternoon... Yeah, I guess that means she's doing great!
Arby's
Lebanon, Ohio
Categories: Gossip | Ohio | On the phone | Posted 2007-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Guess She Was Kind of Model-Ugly
20-ish girl: I mean, I thought he was rich, but his sister's kind of ugly, so I dunno...
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Idle
Categories: Beauty | Chicks | Money | San Francisco | Posted 2007-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Welcome to Your Career
Mother handing son bag of groceries: Here you go.
Son: Me?
Mother: Yes, you, silly.
Son, pouting: But I'm special.
Mother: No, you're not.
Publix
Melbourne Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Ali
Categories: Florida | Moms | Parenting | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Look, There's Seven of Them, Alright?
Tourist: What's a gable?
Tour guide: A peak in a roof.
Tourist: So, a gable is a roof?
Tour guide: Uh... Yes.
House of Seven Gables
Salem, Massachusetts
Categories: Massachusetts | Stupidity | Tourists | Posted 2007-05-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Bureau of Rude Remarks Shall Hear of This!
Dude: You should know -- I'm into government intervention into every aspect of life.
Passerby: Such a fag.
Lambton Quay
Wellington
New Zealand
Categories: Insults | Jerks | Names | New Zealand | Posted 2007-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Work So Hard All Week
Devout chick: Oh my god, I know! I never wear bras on Sundays!
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: katrina
Categories: Chicks | Clothing | Overheard at Western | Posted 2007-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude Rule #1: Caught in a Lie? Tell a Bigger One
Chick: Are you sure you're a photographer? Your hands are so soft!
Dude: That's not my photography hand.
Taber's Restaurant
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Flying Pig
Categories: Compliments | Creepsters | Gossip | Hands | Maryland | Posted 2007-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
My Secret? I Like Forcible Sex
Drunk teen: Anyone could be a rapist... I could be a rapist, that lady with the bag could be a rapist... [Lady with bag looks over, appalled.] Oh, well, I'm sure you are really very nice!
King's Cross Night Bus
London
England
Overheard by: Andrea
Categories: Drunks | England | Philosophy | Posted 2007-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's Always One for the Scrapbook
Kid to mom in car with windows up: Mom! I peed outside today! Mom! Did you hear what I said? I peed outside today! [Mom doesn't respond.] Mom! Mom! I peed outside today! I peed outside today!
Mom, opening the door: Shut up and get in the car.
Kindercare, 196th Street
Lynnwood, Washington
Overheard by: snickerpants
Categories: Gossip | Parenting | Pee | Should have used a condom | Washington | Posted 2007-05-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Doctor: Works Every Time
Cheerleader: So, I had this problem with peeing and I visited a doctor.
Friend: What did he say?
Cheerleader: You can't imagine... He wanted to see the effect, so I had to pee in front of him while he's watching me doing it!
Friend: Wow. I would freak out if that happened to me.
Classroom, Montana State University
Bozeman, Montana
Overheard by: Awesome Naveed
I Dunno -- the Glue Is Vewwy Vewwy Sticky
Teen: What do you think made Elmer famous? It wasn't the glue -- it was the Fudd.
Cincinnati Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
Oh, Fuck -- Go Ahead and Hit Me
Girl: Hey, quit staring at my breasts!
Guy #1: Yeah, why are you staring at my girlfriend's breasts?
Guy #2: Well, man, see... It's like this -- she's like my sister.
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: lissa
Categories: Guys | Lies | Overheard at Western | Rack | Posted 2007-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Rehabilitation Began with Starship Troopers
Boy watching Indiana Jones: Why are the Nazis always the bad guys?
Thug: Who are they supposed to be?
Flowing Wells High School
Tucson, Arizona
Categories: Arizona | History | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Should have used a condom | Thugs | Posted 2007-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So They're Still Just Meat Puppets, Am I Right?
Sketchy guy: So, like, if you were hooking up with someone but not dating -- just sex -- would you tell them you had an STD?
Girl: Are you kidding me?
Sketchy guy: But, like, you're not actually dating -- just having sex.
Girl: [Shocked silence.]
Vassar College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: absolutely horrified
Categories: Advice | Creepsters | New York | Posted 2007-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
There's Just Something about the Sweating and the Open Sores
Girl #1: Oh my god! You should see this guy I met at a party [shows a picture on her computer].
Girl #2: Yeah, he's pretty good-looking.
Girl #1: I know, he's so hot. Like, in an 'I'm mysterious and a recovering drug addict' sort of way.
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: laura
Categories: Beauty | Chicks | Overheard at Western | Posted 2007-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Know Exactly Where They've Been
Dude on cell: No, I really don't want to put your balls in my mouth, thank you very much.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: laura
Categories: Balls | On the phone | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-05-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Find That a Relaxed No-Mindedness Is Much More Effective
Mother: Don't talk now, honey. Concentrate.
Little girl: Concentrate on the poo! Concentrate on the poo!
Bathroom, Newark Int'l Airport
Newark, New Jersey
Categories: Glad the condom broke | Moms | New Jersey | Poop | Posted 2007-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Will Do Anything for Love, but I Won't Do That
Dude: Let's go sleep in the meatloaf.
Starbucks
California
Categories: California | Guys | Time Management | Posted 2007-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When Does She Study?
Guy: Okay, but what's the biggest problem?
Girl: It's so annoying! Every time I go into her room she's masturbating!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Friends | Gossip | Masturbation | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2007-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I'm Almost Always Sore, N-4
Bingo number caller: I pick up lots of chicks, G-56. But when I don't, I masturbate, B-8.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: bingo player
Categories: Coworkers | Masturbation | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Miss Jenkins, I See You've Cited "Big Jim Slade" As a Primary Source
Female classics major: My advisers are all men, and the youngest is, like, 45. And my thesis is on desire. It's like, I don't know what a male orgasm feels like. I don't even know what a female orgasm feels like!
Emory University
Atlanta, Georgia
Yes, I'd Like a Grande Double Espresso with a Shot of Cocaine
Man: Decaf, please.
MBA guy: Who the fuck orders decaf? That's like having eyes yet walking around with them closed.
Shout-out: overheardatkmc.blogspot.com
Categories: Food | Jerks | Overheard at KMC | Posted 2007-05-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Love Something, Set It Free
Toddler: Mommy, I want my boogers back!
Bus
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Gripes | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Pot and Doritos Should Be Sold in Blister-Paks
Stoned girl on other side of the curtain: I ate a stress ball.
Nurse: Okay... Was it a foam ball? Gel? Did you just take a bite?
Stoned girl, laughing: I ate a stress ball!
Doctor, entering a few minutes later: Now, this makes me uncomfortable.
Stoned girl: The nurse told me to take off my pants.
Doctor: Are you sure? Why don't you put them back on for the CAT scan...
Stoned girl, still laughing: I ate a stress ball.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Drugs | Eavesdrop DC | Stoners | Posted 2007-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whorehouses Don't Do Community Service
Chick on cell: Megan! It's a sorority! Megan! It's not a whorehouse! Megan!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: a passerby who has never been to that... sorority
Categories: Gossip | On the phone | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Greeting Cards Are Getting More and More Specific
Girl: Every time I walk into Stop 'N Shop and get a whiff of Irish Spring I think of your testicles.
Seton Hall University
South Orange, New Jersey
Overheard by: Never will think of Irish Spring the same way again
Categories: Balls | Chicks | Colleges & Universities | New Jersey | Posted 2007-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Daniel Radcliffe: It Was Lipstick, Actually
Lady suit: I hate to say it, but Harry Potter's penis is small.
Hipster girl: What! Nooo!
Lady suit: No, really -- it is. He got an erection on stage... and it was just sad. But the weirdest part is that it was bright red, like they had put blush on it or something.
Hipster girl: What the fuck?! My dreams are ruined!
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: About celebrities | Hipsters | Overheard in the Valley | Penis | Suits | Posted 2007-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Can Dispense with Talking
Frat boy #1: Dude, if I buy anal lube can I call you 'Baby'?
Frat boy #2: No... You've bought anal lubricant before, right?
Frat boy #1: Yeah.
Frat boy #2: Yeah, that's what I'm saying -- we're experienced.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: the ear
Categories: Backdoor | Frat boy types | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-05-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Credo We Enforce with Artillery
Girl on cell: If it's good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for Texas.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | On the phone | Philosophy | Posted 2007-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hey, Is That a Taser?
Girl: Hey, you're that chick I stalk on MySpace!
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Chicks | MySpace | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just a Test of the Emergency Menopause Warning System
Cute chick: I don't know what's going on, but my butt cheeks are sweating really bad.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: the bomb track
Categories: Ass | Chicks | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Been in and Out of Fashion Prison My Whole Life
20-ish woman: He wears cut-offs that are cut so high that you can see the pockets and his boxers poking out, and he has plumber's crack.
Teen chick: Oh my god... And your mom actually likes this guy?
20-ish woman: No, no, no -- this is my real dad.
Mountain View-bound Light Rail
Campbell, California
Overheard by: Cracker
Categories: California | Clothing | Friends | Posted 2007-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wait, You Mean Condoms Are Disposable?
Girl #1: Well, Jim and I have sex all the time without condoms. Then I had sex with Gary and we used one, but then Scott came and we didn't use one. Then, that same night, Thomas came over and we used one. But that's when my vagina started to hurt.
Girl #2: Maybe you should stop using it.
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: i wish i had my ipod
Bus 31, Maintain Blissful Ignorance. Over.
Bus 20 operator to dispatch: Yeah, there are a lot of warning signals on that I've never seen before. Should I be worried?
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: the blankenships
Categories: Bus drivers | Overheard in PDX | Questions | Posted 2007-05-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Keeps Me Running in Tip-Top Shape
Chick: I really think my gynecologist helps our relationship, though.
Starbucks
Edmond, Oklahoma
Categories: Chicks | Health & Hygiene | Oklahoma | Posted 2007-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, We Quit at Least Once a Day
Girl #1: Lately it feels like I'm on fire when I have sex.
Girl #2: That's what happened when I had gonorrhea.
Guy at next table: Wow. Those girls were pretty hot before I heard that... I have to stop eavesdropping.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Chicks | Overheard at McGill | STDs | Posted 2007-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So I'm Just Going to Assume It's Jesse Jackson
Lady #1: ... And I don't even know who the daddy is!
Lady #2: That's hilarious!
B. Dalton - College Square Mall
Cedar Falls, Iowa
Overheard by: Darcy
Categories: Iowa | Ladies who lunch | Parenting | Pregnancy | Posted 2007-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In Small Doses, Obviously
Drunk girl: That is so funny, because I love underprivileged children!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: ad'a
Categories: Drunks | Jobs & Careers | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Real World Cast Members Have No Goddamn Respect
Crazy lady: Oh, no! Those teenagers did not just steal my outhouse!
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Aristide
No Ice Cream for Anybody
Mom: We can't have ice cream. You just had candy at the movie.
Little girl: Mom, you are such a gutter-skank.
Mom, flabbergasted: What did you say?! What did you call me?! Where did you hear that term?!
Little girl: Dad.
Capitol Street
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Total Gutterskank
Categories: California | Glad the condom broke | Insults | Moms | Parenting | Words | Posted 2007-05-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now Give Your Brother CPR While I Call an Ambulance
Mom to daughter: See? That's why we don't laugh in this family -- you go and suffocate on your own vomit!
Portland, Oregon
I'm Saving Conversation for the Right Woman
Dude #1: Yeah, I go to gay bars sometimes.
Dude #2: Really? So, are you saying you like guys?
Dude #1: No, I don't like guys, but when I go to gay bars I just dance with them and flirt with them. It's not like I have conversations with them.
Dude #2: ... So then maybe you're bi?
Dude #1: No, I'm just a people person.
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: mr. Wtf?
Categories: Guys | Overheard in Philly | Sexuality | Posted 2007-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Stop It, Lady, You're Making the Scientologists Look Right
Mom to five-year-old son who is standing quietly: Settle down before I have to give you another pill!
Line for a theme park ride
Florida
Overheard by: Kim
Scientists Are Investigating
Girl to friend: It's really weird -- every time I hang out with a guy, we end up having sex!
Angelo State University
San Angelo, Texas
Overheard by: adriana
If I'd Been Using a Fork They'd Be Extinct by Now
Drunk guy with pink hat: You guys should totally use chop sticks -- it's so pussy not to.
Hippie, light-heartedly: We're trying to save some trees.
Drunk guy with pink hat: Do you have any idea how many geese I killed today? 12.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: hearing aid
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Overheard at Cornell | Words | Posted 2007-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And What of Its Host Organism?
Psych professor: I think it's a usable vagina.
University of Pennsylvania
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: I'd use it
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Pennsylvania | Teachers | Vagina | Posted 2007-05-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Good Simile Is One We Can All Relate To
Drunk guy: That hurt so much -- like accidentally stapling your tongue to the wall.
São Paulo
Brazil
Categories: Brazil | Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Posted 2007-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's a Gang War Thing -- You Wouldn't Understand
Student #1, pointing to notebook: If I ever become a famous rapper this is going to be my first album cover.
Student #2: Why? What is it?
Student #1: It's just a penguin on fire.
Student #2: A flaming penguin -- nice!
Student #1, matter-of-factly: I fucking hate penguins...
University of Denver
Denver, Colorado
Categories: Animals | Bragging | Colleges & Universities | Colorado | Students | Posted 2007-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But What's Better Than Being Desired by Men You Despise?
Girl with glasses: Yeah, so ever since I got these glasses hipster guys keep hitting on me.
Friend: So? What's wrong with hipster guys?
Girl with glasses: Eh, nothing really. It's just, you know, you're living in Albuquerque -- how hip can you be?
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Categories: Chicks | Insults | New Mexico | Posted 2007-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Don't Talk with Your Mouth Full
Loud girl: My vagina's so damn talkative sometimes... I just wanna be like, 'Shut up, coochie!'
Queen's University
Kingston, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: The Vagina Whisperer
It's the Only Possible Explanation
Little girl: Why did she get remarried? Did she forget?
Alaska
Categories: Alaska | Glad the condom broke | Questions | Posted 2007-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Who'll Be the Man in the Yellow Hat?
Queer guy to queer friend: I'll be the monkey if you'll be the old lady.
Melbourne
Australia
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Australia | Overheard in Melbourne's Journal | Queers | Roleplay | Posted 2007-05-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, We've Revised the Script and Now It's Hamsters
Girl: You know -- that thing where you have a fetish for albinos...?
Emerson College
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Hannah
Categories: Kink | Massachusetts | Students | Posted 2007-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also, Same Question for "Penis"
Skater punk: Wait -- uterus like the planet, or in your body?
San Francisco, California
Categories: Punks | San Francisco | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2007-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Glory Be to God for Dappled Things
Chick: ... So then I started exfoliating my nipples every morning...
London
England
Overheard by: gin
By the Way, Sorry about Scaring Your Daughter Like That
Bathroom-bound tech woman: Are you following me? Not that many people follow me at my age.
Tech guy: No. I'm more of the 'call-is-coming-from-inside-the-house' kind of guy.
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: 2catchapredator
Categories: Coworkers | Creepsters | Euphemisms | Overheard in Philly | Posted 2007-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
When I Finally Located My Pants
Chick: Man, last time I had feathers left in my pants.
Gateway High School
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Pilbur
He Eat Brains! ... Oh, Wait
Lady with mic: Nothing is more powerful than Jesus! He die; he get up!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: lab
Categories: Jesus | Overheard in PDX | Religious fanatics | Posted 2007-05-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Whereas She's Only Crazy If She Expects an Answer
Woman to her dog, as other dogs bark at them: They're crazy.
Shout-out: overheardinlakecounty.blogspot.com
Categories: Animals | Crazies | Overheard in Lake County | Posted 2007-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Then You Get the Lifetime Channel
Quiet girl: Girls are like, 'Let's play house,' boys are like, 'Let's fight each other,' and you put them together and you get domestic abuse.
Language in Society class
Maryland
Categories: Maryland | Philosophy | Students | Posted 2007-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And If Anything Tastes Like Heroin, It's Your Jizz
Man smoking grape shisha out of a hookah: I don't think I like that one. It tastes just like heroin.
Girlfriend: You can't just go around saying things taste like heroin!
Virginia
Girl: Yeah, Three Strokes and Out, WTF?
Guy #1: I totally told her I wasn't with anyone else on my cruise, but I clearly slept with another girl!
Guy #2: Victory!
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: shannon
Categories: Infidelity | Jerks | Overheard at Western | Posted 2007-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But They Don't Know You Like I Do
Anorexic chick: I'm fat, aren't I? Everyone knows it, too.
Friend: You're not as fat as everyone says.
Irvine Spectrum
Orange County, California
Categories: Anorexics | California | Diet & weight | Posted 2007-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Four Legs: Good. George Clooney's Acting: Baaad.
MBA guy: Did you see that George Clooney's pig died?
MBA gal: I'll be his pig if he wants. Oink, oink!
Shout-out: overheardatkmc.blogspot.com
Categories: About celebrities | Coworkers | Death & dying | Overheard at KMC | Posted 2007-05-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not before I'm Old Enough to Spend It on Hookers and Blow
Little kid in leather jacket to random man lighting cigarette: Nooo! Stop! Poison! I am too rich to die!
North Carolina
Categories: Glad the condom broke | North Carolina | Smoking | Posted 2007-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Quoth the Raven: "Jackass."
College dude #1: What are those birds that fucking talk?
College dude #2: Parrots?
College dude #1: No, that's what my teacher said... Ravens! That's right!
College dude #2: Ravens talk? That's like Edgar Allen Poe shit or something.
College dude #1: No, dude, they for real only say like one word, though.
College dude #2, imitating a raven: Aquafina!
College dude #1: Yeah, dude! 'Aquafina!' Only I'd make mine say, 'Radiator.'
www.overheardinpittsburgh.com
Categories: Birds | Idiots | Overheard in Pittsburgh | Words | Posted 2007-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hailing a Cab Is No Picnic
Dude #1: Man, this is hard.
Dude #2: So, do you use one hand or two?
Highway 16
La Crosse, Wisconsin
And If You're Asking Who's a Better Rationalizer...
Girl to friends: I mean, if you're talking about who he's technically going out with, then she's the girlfriend and I'm the other woman. But, I mean... If you're talking about who he confides in more, I'm the girlfriend and she's the other woman.
Dobbs Ferry, New York
Overheard by: Lex
Categories: Chicks | New York | Philosophy | Relationships | Posted 2007-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And If You Like Him, Like, More Than a Friend
Employee to customer: Excuse me, my boss wants to know if you're a transvestite.
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Employees | Gender issues | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need to Know If I Should Be Arresting You
Drunk woman: I like gay porn!
Nearby lady: Male or female?
Shout-out: overheardina2.blogspot.com
Categories: Drunks | Overheard in Ann Arbor | Porn | Posted 2007-05-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Emo Ranch Is Down the Road
Guy: So at this Texas game ranch they release emos, and you shoot at them... I mean, emus.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: pace
Categories: Gossip | Idiots | Overheard at Cornell | Words | Posted 2007-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Can Attach Them to Your Keychain for Luck
Young boy: Dad, what does this say?
Father: What do you think it says? It says, 'Irish.'
Young boy: What's that?
Father: Irish are little, short people.
Thousand Oaks, California
Categories: California | Dads | Stupidity | Posted 2007-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But God Has Other Plans for Your Death
Woman: It's like paradise!
Small child, excitedly: A paradise where you get killed!
Woman, happily: I'll kill you!
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: ethan I make whittier prettier park
Categories: Overheard in Minneapolis | Should have used a condom | Threats | Posted 2007-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
To Comment, I'd Really Need a Larger Sample
Four-year-old girl looking at Michelangelo's David: Do you see the penis?
Nanny: Yes.
Four-year-old girl: I like the penis! Do you like the penis?
Nanny, turning around and walking away: There's no good way to answer this.
Florence
Italy
Categories: Glad the condom broke | Italy | Penis | Questions | Posted 2007-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Buy It a Few Drinks, Then Resubmit It
Professor: Your paper is doing some heavy petting, but it's not going all the way!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Education | Overheard at McGill | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Now I Found a White House with a Really Big Lawn
Tourist girl on cell: I found the house I want to live in when I move to DC, but then I found out it was the Smithsonian...
Washington, DC
Categories: Gossip | Stupidity | Tourists | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-05-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But You Can Hold It Over the Kid for Life
Pregnant, tattooed hipster: This is killing me. How can I go without ink for nine months?
Tattooed hipster friend: Oh, I know.
Nevada
Get Enough of 'Em Together and You'll Qualify for the AARP Discount
Drunk guy: Can I get a pack of cigarettes?
Trucker: Can I see some ID?
Drunk guy: Which one? 21 or 19?
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: jack
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Now That I Know I Can, I'm Adding It to My Routine
Girl: Why would you ever kick a squirrel?
Guy: I wanted to see if I could do it.
Shout-out: overheardinumcp.blogspot.com
Overheard by: alyssa
Categories: Animals | Guys | Overheard in College Park | Violence | Posted 2007-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was Outvoted on That One
Chick on cell: I'm doing my paper on child euthanasia... Yeah, they'd have to be terminally ill, not just ugly kids.
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: natalie
Categories: Beauty | On the phone | Overheard at Western | Posted 2007-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And My Blender Is a Total Mess
Second year law student: I don't know what I drank last night, but my mouth tastes like a French whore today.
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Overheard in Law School | Students | Posted 2007-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or a First Edition of Great Expectations
Young black man: That's the best gift you can give a brother -- a fine Latina with B cups.
Orange Line bus
San Fernando Valley, California
Overheard by: suzy vapid
Categories: Black people | Bus | California | Race | Posted 2007-05-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Of Course, I Still Don't Know If He's Really David Hasselhoff
Teen girl #1: I really feel like our relationship is progressing. There's a closeness that wasn't there before.
Teen girl #2: Awww, really?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, he added me on MySpace.
Hawaii
Overheard by: Invisible
Can We Go Over the Air/Fat Correlation Again?
Frat boy #1: Dude, look at how much air there is in this room.
Frat boy #2: Dude, what if they charged money for, like, air?
Frat boy #1: Dude, I wouldn't care -- I'm not that fat... Dude, don't you ever just want to, like, throw a knife up in the air above a crowd of people and, like, see what happens?
Frat boy #2: Totally.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: doppelganger
Categories: Frat boy types | Overheard at Cornell | Stupidity | Posted 2007-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everyone There Has Given Up on Life Anyway
Father: Honey, you can't cry on the train. The conductor will kick us off.
Young daughter, crying: Can I cry on the bus?
Father, after thoughtful pause: Sure, you can cry on the bus.
MBTA Green Line
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Joe
Categories: Dads | Lies | Massachusetts | Parenting | Train | Posted 2007-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
New York Apartments Are Too Damn Small
Girl on phone: I mean, do you know how strange it feels to climb out of the bed of the guy you just hooked up with and then climb into bed with your brother?
Chinatown bus from New York City to Baltimore, Maryland
Categories: Bus | On the phone | Questions | Posted 2007-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like Olestra Chips
Chick #1: Try it. It's a Malibu Bay Breeze. It's a chick drink, but it's really good.
Dude, sipping: Damn, that's delicious.
Chick #2: It's a bitch drink.
Dude: A bitch drink?
Chick #2: It'll make you grow vaginas on your arm.
Dude: That wouldn't be that bad. I'd never leave my house.
Chick #2: No, not functional vaginas. Just ugly ones that people would be freaked out by.
Dude: You know, you just took something wonderful and made it horrible.
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Chicks | Overheard in the Valley | Vagina | Posted 2007-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or Should I Just Come on It?
Man whispering into cell: But honey, I didn't fuck her! I just came on her! ... Hey, you want that Polynesian sauce they got here, right?
Chick-fil-A, Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Categories: Cum | Indiana | On the phone | Posted 2007-05-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm the Thing I Have Sex to Forget About
Suit: I can't masturbate to a picture of myself!
Maine
Categories: Maine | Masturbation | Suits | Posted 2007-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Period.
Chick: The bitch got an iPod and all kinds of cash from her family. She's totally fuckin' spoiled and it makes me sick. I finally told her, 'Bitch, get your own fuckin' tampons!'
Shout-out: ohinmpls.blogspot.com
Overheard by: craig
Categories: Gripes | Guys | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Lex Decides to Shave His Head
Young man, thoughtfully: I think the reason I stopped believing in God was because when I was little I begged... I begged him to give me Superman's powers. And he never did. He never did...
Rocky River, Ohio
Overheard by: Defying Gravity
The Ultimate "Get Out of Jail Free" Card
Boyfriend: Damn, bitch! Yo' braces just nicked my lip!
Girlfriend: Well, I don't hear you complaining they be nickin' yo' dick when I be suckin' you off!
Boyfriend: Damn, bitch! You is hot!
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: ouch!
Categories: BJs | Couples | Overheard in Philly | Posted 2007-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then Do Drugs and Cry
Girl #1: ... And my boyfriend told me what a bad person I was, and I was like, 'Don't say that to me! You're hurting my feelings!' Then I did drugs and cried all day.
Girl #2: Wow. Well, we should really study today...
Girl #1: Yeah, let's stay really late. Like, 'til 10.
Girl #2, totally serious: Yeah... Or we can go to the Biosphere and get burgers...
Girl #1, also serious: Yeah.
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Bimbettes | Overheard at McGill | Time Management | Posted 2007-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mom and Dad, Especially
Barista #1: So, I had this totally fucked up dream last night. I was, like, having sexual relations with my brother...
Barista #2, totally serious: That's not weird.
Barista #1: I know, but the weird thing was everyone around me was really uncomfortable with it.
Fort Collins, Colorado
Overheard by: I'm uncomfortable even hearing it
Categories: Baristas | Colorado | Family ties | Sex | Posted 2007-05-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Did a Little Patting, and Only on the Topside
Man on cell: They said I sexually molested the cat... I would never do that! I love that cat!
Utah
Categories: Animals | Gossip | On the phone | Utah | Posted 2007-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also, He Supports Breast Cancer Research
Lady: Oh, how cute is she?!
Woman with kid: Actually, it's a he.
Lady: Well, why is he wearing a pink hat?
Woman with kid: Because he's gay!
Sweden
Shout-out: www.tjuvlyssnat.se
Overheard by: Lina
Categories: Compliments | Gender issues | Kids | Moms | Sweden | Women | Posted 2007-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which I Do to Make Getting Pregnant Fun
Girl: That's totally the last time I'm getting pregnant. It takes all the fun out of drinking!
RFK Stadium Metro Station
Washington, DC
Categories: Hoochies | Philosophy | Pregnancy | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Really, Really Stupid, Too
Frat boy #1: She was so dumb.
Frat boy #2: You should watch how you use that word. It doesn't really mean stupid -- it really means 'deaf.'
Frat boy #1: Okay, she was really deaf.
Colorado State University
Fort Collins, Colorado
Overheard by: English Major
Categories: Colorado | Frat boy types | Stupidity | Words | Posted 2007-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
In a World Gone Mad, She Made Her Own Rules
Woman: If anyone ever hurts you tell them to stop that, because it's not nice.
Little girl: And then you kick them in the face!
Upper Hutt
New Zealand
Overheard by: Sarah
Categories: Advice | Glad the condom broke | New Zealand | Violence | Posted 2007-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why All the Girls Wore Their Easy-Access Poodle Skirts
Teacher: What were people in the '50s basically concerned with?
Stoner kid: ... Scoring?
Lincoln-Way High School
Illinois
Overheard by: Sally
Categories: Illinois | Questions | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stoners | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
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