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May 2007 Archives
I'm Currently in between Abortions
Lab TA: This is bromium chloride. If you have guys in your group, have them work with it. If not, girls, I hope you're not pregnant. It tends to cause birth defects and cancer.
Chick #1 in back of room, whispering: You guys, I can't touch that stuff!
Chick #2: Why not? Are you pregnant?
Chick #1: You see, that's the thing -- I don't know...
Oklahoma State University
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: She's majoring in drunken sorority girl
Wait, What Kind of Hooker Do I Look Like?
Chick #1: Girl, get off me. You know I don't like hookers.
Chick #2: Yeah, well, I don't like Chinese people.
Chick #1: Do I look Chinese to you?
Chick #2: I was just letting you know.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Friends | Gripes | Posted 2007-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Public Service Warning for All Education Majors at Smith
Education professor: Marshmallows are not alive... are they?
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Categories: Massachusetts | Questions | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Asparagus Pee Is Forbidden by the Geneva Convention
Creepy guy: Hey, Joey*.
Joey: Yeah?
Creepy guy: Have you ever put pee in a Super Soaker before?
Joey: Yeah.
Friend: What?
Girl: Ewww.
Friend: What does it feel like if you're sprayed?
Creepy guy, shrugs: Kinda tingles.
Geography class, All Saints High School
Whitby, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: freshman whisperer
Nothing Like Fuzzy Wits and a Full Bladder
Man #1: You know what I'm gonna do as soon as that train comes? I'm gonna go in between the cars and take a whiz!
Man #2: Yo, man, you can't do that! You'll get in trouble! When the train comes just sit yourself down with me and we'll smoke a joint!
Fullerton L platform
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Friends | Illinois | Time Management | Posted 2007-05-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Have the Trophies to Back That Up
Girl in front: Hey! I can shoot a cat as well as the next girl!
Normandale Community College
Bloomington, Minnesota
Overheard by: who questions that ability??
Take That Back or I'll Give You an Atomic Wedgie Right Here
Late 20s drone in front of train operator's door: Excuse me, can you move forward? The operator said I'm blocking the window.
Late 40s suit: No, you move forward. This is my spot.
Late 20s drone: We're both blocking the window, and I can't move unless you do.
Late 40s suit: I'm not moving.
Late 20s drone, groaning: You're an ass.
Late 40s suit: No, you're an ass.
Late 20s drone, pushing past: Oh, fuck you.
Late 40s suit, mocking: Oh, fuck you.
Late 20s drone: Good luck in third grade.
BART train, Bay Point - Daly City line
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: baby boomers must die
Categories: Insults | Jerks | San Francisco | Strangers | Train | Posted 2007-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The "X-Wing" Is a Favorite of Mine
Second year student: So, what do you do when your potential client is not being straight with you?
Professor: If you can't get at them frontally, get at them sideways.
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Overheard by: bootstraps
Undeserved Sympathy Is Better Than Being Ignored
Girl: I like wearing this hat because it makes me look like a cancer patient.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: wb
Categories: Chicks | Clothing | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It'll Only Get Rougher from There
Male flight attendant: This will be a miserable flight. It'll be really turbulent and then we'll end up in New Jersey.
Flight into Newark Airport
Categories: Airports & flights | Flight attendants | Gripes | Posted 2007-05-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Correct Answer: Whatever You Want -- I Love You
Woman: I told you, I will not use Downy fabric softener ever again. Pick something else!
Boyfriend: What? 'Cause it says 'April Fresh'? Oh, come on!
Woman: I don't want anything with your ex-girlfriend's name on it. I'm not gonna be reminded of April every damn time I do laundry.
Big 8 Grocery Store
El Paso, Texas
Which Is Why They Call It V-E Half-Day
Professor: So, how did the baby boom come about?
Student: When a--
Professor: --You don't need to actually walk me through it. In the late 1940s, everybody was becoming a mother. Okay, half of everybody.
University of North Florida
Jacksonville, Florida
Actually, Just a Regular One with a Small Bun
Hungry girl: Oooh, what's the jumbo hot dog?
Clerk: Ummm, it's a really big hot dog.
Milwaukee Admirals game, Bradley Center
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Travis
Um... I Meant, "Can I Speak French?"
Guest speaker: What are the rules for language in this class?
Professor: Go right ahead. You can say 'fuck' all you want.
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Categories: Overheard in Law School | Teachers | Words | Posted 2007-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And No, I Don't Think "Frenulum" Is a Pretty Name
Bimbette: Wait! So she had the baby via circumcision?!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Bimbettes | Gossip | Overheard at McGill | Words | Posted 2007-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Diversity Provides a Wide Variety of Scary
Chick: It wasn't, like, black people-scary. It was, like, Appalachian-scary. I didn't feel like I was going to be shot, I felt like I was going to be eaten.
University of Michigan
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Categories: Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Fears | Michigan | Posted 2007-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Regret Everything
Professor: It was all sex, drugs, and rock and roll back then... But I wasn't doing much of that because I was too busy getting my PhD so I could teach at Brandeis.
Brandeis University
Waltham, Massachusetts
Overheard by: lala
Categories: Gossip | Massachusetts | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Said, "My Name's Chip. And That's an Egg McMuffin."
Frat boy: So, the prof walked into class and he looked right at me and he said, 'Drew*, your right testicle is hanging out.' That's how he started the class!
Shout-out: weirdosofwinnipeg.blogspot.com
Categories: Balls | Frat boy types | Gossip | Weirdos of Winnipeg | Posted 2007-05-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Took Up All My Free Time and Left Me Really Tired, but Gave Me Some Extra Spending Money
Burly dude to friend: Last week I took a crap that was like having a second job.
Truck stop, I-81
Allentown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Tha WB
Categories: Friends | Pennsylvania | Poop | Posted 2007-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We'll Only Be Able to Make Improvements on the Basis of Efficiency
Professor: At every threshold capacity spanking is happening!
Vanderbilt University
Nashville, Tennessee
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Education | Teachers | Tennessee | Posted 2007-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I'm Not Sure I Was Making Any Sense
Communications professor: Do you think you've made any progress in this class?
Student who just gave her speech: Well, my butt cheeks weren't shaking this time!
Community college
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Some progress is better than none.
Categories: Ass | Class | Pennsylvania | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
People Are All "What's Up?" As Volunteers Push Me Back into the Sea
College guy: Ugh. Now I know what a beached whale feels like when it gets a phone call.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Bahama Mama
Categories: Animals | Students | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Apparently She Needs the Practice
Goth teen girl: If you don't come back to me, I'll kill myself.
Exasperated teen guy: Why the fuck do you do this shit to me?
Friend: Don't listen to her. She's always killing herself.
East Bay Diner
Oceanside, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
No Need for That Kind of Language, Missy
Girl stretching after a workout: Oooh, my cooter bone!
Ohio University
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: Meredith
Categories: Body parts | Chicks | Ohio | Posted 2007-05-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Flossing Doesn't Seem to Have Helped
Chick #1: I have toothpaste on my crotch.
Chick #2: Uh... What?
Chick #1: I was brushing my teeth this afternoon and I got excited.
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: natalie
Categories: Chicks | Gossip | Overheard at Western | Posted 2007-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Jason Decides Reality Is Too Hard
Mom: Does Mommy look fat in this?
Toddler: Yes!
Mom: No! You're supposed to say no!
Toddler: [Silence.]
Target
Moreno Valley, California
Overheard by: Lisa
Categories: California | Insults | Moms | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He and the Cat Have Never Been in a Room at the Same Time
Queer: I love my boyfriend, but I really think he might be a shapeshifter.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Queers | Posted 2007-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
No, That's Your Dollar -- You Just Keep It
Mom changing toddler's diaper: Honey, it appears that you have glitter on your penis.
Mount Vernon, New York
Overheard by: Deek
To Confuse Any Terrorists Who May Be Flying with Us Today
Captain: Welcome to JetBlue! I am your captain, Greg, and sitting next to me is your co-captain... also Greg.
Flight to Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Chelsea
Best Thing You Can Teach a Kid Is How to Suck It Up
Teen daughter screaming hysterically: Daddy, if you loved me you would have gotten me business class!
Ruffled dad: Are you fuckin' kidding me?
Logan International Terminal
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: feeling conflicted in steerage
Categories: Dads | Gripes | Massachusetts | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-05-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Do a Chinese American Dance in Sweats, and That's My Final Offer
Guy: I'll do the work and you'll do the Chinese dance in sexy underwear.
Angry Chinese girl: No!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: ad'a
Categories: Asians | Dancing | Guys | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And If That Means We Can't Be Married within Our Faith, So Be It
Chick: No, you will not show my grandma your penis! I don't want my grandma telling me that you're too small or too big for her granddaughter!
Puerto Allegra restaurant
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Amber
Categories: Chicks | Penis | San Francisco | Posted 2007-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And This Is a Subject I've Given a Lot of Thought
First year girl: I wouldn't let my mom kiss me goodnight if I had a vagina for a nose, anyways.
Queen's University
Ontario
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Colleges & Universities | Students | Vagina | Posted 2007-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Apple?
Girlfriend: You're still tying your shoes with bunny ears?
Boyfriend: The other way is really hard!
Girlfriend: It's so easy!
Boyfriend: Look, I have to do the bunny ears. I can't tie my shoes the other way. It's like, the bunny goes around the tree 50 billion times, then hides in its hole, comes out and the mongoose chases it... Then the rabbit eats the apple!
High school
Hamburg, New York
Categories: Couples | New York | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Stupidity | Posted 2007-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Hope for the Best and Pack a Vibrator
Chick #1: About 20 minutes is good enough.
Chick #2: But what about the pleasure part?
Colby College, Maine
Overheard by: they stopped talking when they saw me listening
Categories: Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Maine | Questions | Posted 2007-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Slick Salty Shame
Dude: So, you know what makes a great lube? Tears.
Chick: Yeah, they do. Especially in the shower.
864 Club
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Cdogg Davis
Categories: Friends | Gossip | San Francisco | Posted 2007-05-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why You Shouldn't Teach Kids New Words
Four-year-old: Mommy, are you having a breakdown? [Bored mother ignores child.] Mommy, I'm having a breakdown!
National Gallery
Edinburgh
Scotland
Categories: Gripes | Scotland | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gay Fashion Designers?
Skinny white kid: Who doesn't love black chicks with fat asses?
Political Theory class, University of Southern California
Los Angeles, California
I'm Like, Red Sky at Morning, Sailor Take Warning!
Girl #1: I just want to tell her, 'Just because you think the sun rises and sets in her vagina doesn't mean we all have to.'
Girl #2: Seriously.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Chicks | Eavesdrop DC | Vagina | Posted 2007-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And They Painted John Adams Purple
Little girl to mother, pointing at a picture of Ronald McDonald: Look, Mommy -- they put lipstick on George Washington!
McDonald's
Jackson, New Jersey
Overheard by: Lydia
Categories: Glad the condom broke | History | New Jersey | Posted 2007-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Not Irresistible; That Makes It His Fault
Chick #1: Oh my god, I was so drunk last night! Do you think Lisa will get mad that I made out with her boyfriend?
Chick #2: Yes.
Chick #1: Well, it wasn't really my fault.
Chick #2: Yes, it was. You basically went up to him, batted your eyelashes, and started making out.
Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Laura
Categories: California | Hoochies | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Posted 2007-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They'd Be Having Awkward One-Nighters All Over the World
Blonde: What if the Nazis got Facebook?
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Bimbettes | Overheard at McGill | Questions | Posted 2007-05-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What? It's Not Gay If He's Dead.
Film buff: What I want is to wake up next to a girl who I can have a great conversation with -- someone I really want to talk to. And if I woke up next to Toshiro Mifune, that'd be interesting.
Northcote
Australia
Categories: Australia | Guys | Relationships | Posted 2007-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Still Conducting Field Research
Asian dude: I don't know. Something about the alcohol there gets me drunk.
Friends: Yeah!
California State University Dominguez Hills
Carson, California
Overheard by: Danial
Categories: California | Friends | Stupidity | Posted 2007-05-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook