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April 2007 Archives
Think of It As an Experimental Fiction Grant
Hobo: I tried skateboarding once, but I fell down and had a baby... Can I have some money?
Granville SkyTrain station
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: chad
Categories: Canadia | Hobos | Panhandling | Posted 2007-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then How about a Few Bucks So I Can Buy It a Shoe?
Panhandler: Do you have any change? I need money. My old lady kicked me out. I need money for a penis... reduction... It's too big, and she kicked me out. She said not to come back until--
Man: --No.
Shout-out: weirdosofwinnipeg.blogspot.com
Categories: Homeless | Lies | Penis | Weirdos of Winnipeg | Posted 2007-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Eminem Really Has against Moby
Hipster, gesturing: ... And his flaccid dick was as big as my forearm!
Olive Street overpass
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Gossip | Hipsters | Penis | Washington | Posted 2007-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because That Would Narrow It Down
Drunk boy: I can't find her! I don't know where she is!
Drunk girl: Is she wearing clothes?
Bryn Mawr College
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Drunks | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On Second Thought, I'll Wheel Myself
Man pushing wheelchair lady, singing: Handicap, handicap, oh handy handy handy...
Epcot Park, Disney World
Florida
Overheard by: Euggh
Categories: Florida | Guys | Singing | Tourist attractions | Posted 2007-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Sell a Kit for That, Too
Professor: It's like IKEA -- you buy some furniture, think you can put it all together, you go home and fail and then go slit your wrists in the corner.
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: shawn
Categories: Education | Overheard at Western | Teachers | Posted 2007-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Picture Just a Thigh Wearing Fishnets
Girl: She looked like a mix between a Christmas ham and a hooker.
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: NS
Categories: Chicks | Insults | New Jersey | Posted 2007-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everything I Chose to Do to You Is Your Fault
Wife: This is the last chance. I'm really going to file for divorce unless you're willing to work at this.
Husband: I deserve someone that I won't cheat on.
Omaha, Nebraska
Then You'll Hate Gay-Porn Method Acting
Chick: I don't like processes... and anal things.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: twombly
Categories: Chicks | Overheard at Cornell | Philosophy | Posted 2007-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Food Chain's There -- We Just Have to Use It
Girl: I hate geese.
Guy: Because they're Canadian?
Girl: No, the fat white ones. I hate them because they're fat. And greedy.
Guy: Yeah, what's up with that? They always run right up to you if you have bread.
Girl: And they totally harass the ducks, man!
Guy: Yeah, what the fuck?! Stupid geese. Fuck that shit, man. Fuck that shit.
Girl: Yeah!
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Birds | Grumpies | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Feel of Flesh, the Endurance of Metal
Tech enthusiast: Wait, did you say 'cyber sex'?
Dude: No -- cyborg sex.
Tech enthusiast: Cyborg sex? That's even better!
Shout-out: weirdosofwinnipeg.blogspot.com
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Sex | Weirdos of Winnipeg | Posted 2007-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Was Absolutely My Favorite Doctor
Suit: ... And of course afterwards she ran up and down the hospital corridor naked, screaming at her husband.
Bakery
Christchurch
New Zealand
Categories: Gossip | New Zealand | Suits | Posted 2007-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Can't Understand Why It's Illegal!
Big dude on phone: Yeah, I am feeling better... I woke up at four a.m. this morning, but it's okay -- I'm taking that euthanasia stuff and it seems to be helping.
Tram, Victoria Street
Melbourne, Victoria
Australia
Overheard by: Louise
Categories: Australia | Idiots | On the phone | Words | Posted 2007-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Used to Wear the Wonderbra, but I Kept Needing to Get Abortions
Sorority girl #1: So, like, you still get your period when you're on the pill.
Sorority girl #2: Yeah, but not when you're pregnant.
Sorority girl #1: So what's the point of the pill, then?
Sorority girl #2: It totally makes your boobs bigger.
Airport
Lexington, Kentucky
Categories: Airports & flights | Gossip | Kentucky | Rack | Sorority types | Posted 2007-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Odds Are They'll Both Reproduce
Bimbette #1: Hey, ummm, how do I get my files out of the computer?
Bimbette #2: Wait... The computers are also filing cabinets?! No, wait -- I don't think they are...
Bimbette #1: But isn't that where we get the papers?
Bimbette #2: What?
Bimbette #1: What?
Honesdale High School
Honesdale, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Alex Lepro
Categories: Bimbettes | Pennsylvania | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Technology | Posted 2007-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Streetcar Only Works Nights
Taxi dispatcher to taxi driver: You don't have to say, 'Taxi 41 calling.' I know you're a taxi. You're not the streetcar named Desire.
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Thanks for clearing that up
Um, Did He Give You Money?
Sorostitute: You know how I got my coke whore status?
Roommate: Ummm, how?
Sorostitute: I snorted a line off of Jared's penis with a hundred dollar bill.
Roommate: Wow.
Sorostitute: That's not that bad, is it?
Dinning hall, Florida State University
Tallahassee, Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drugs | Florida | Gossip | Sorority types | Posted 2007-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Her Contract Calls for Sausage
Brunette on cell: Bacon may be a powerful motivator, but...
Public library
Appleton, Wisconsin
Categories: Food | On the phone | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Second-Best Sex I Ever Had
Woman: Sleeping with him just never feels consensual. It's like being raped by your brother.
Friend: Yeah, it felt like that for me, too.
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Friends | Overheard in the Valley | Sex | Posted 2007-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also Uses This Explanation for His Penis
Girl: Look, there's a small dog coming this way!
Guy: It's not small, it's far away.
Serbia
... That Was before Her Head Spun Around
Chick #1: She looks kind of...
Chick #2: Satanic?
Chick #1: I was going to say Ukrainian, but...
Allegheny College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Biotechs | Colleges & Universities | Insults | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who's the Size 12 Here?
Three-year-old boy: Mom, let's play Moose! You're the moose!
Mom: Why do I have to be moose?
Trendy clothing store
Pasadena, California
Overheard by: throwsnails
Categories: California | Insults | Kids | Moms | Posted 2007-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Think a Swarovski Crystal Will Be Just the Thing to Brighten Her Day
Southern lady: I'm getting this for my daughter. She lost everything when the roaches took over the trailer.
Call on a home shopping channel
Categories: Gossip | Insects | Television & radio | Whiteys | Posted 2007-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next Thing I Knew, I Was Working for the DEA
Chick: All I want is a lifetime supply of weed and to be put in charge of the retards.
Blue Bricks Bar
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: but I'm in charge of the retards
Categories: Chicks | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Kindly Fellate Me, You Promiscuous Female Dog
Old black lady to friend: He had shit all fuckin' dumped out all over the goddamned place, so I says, 'What the fuck is you doin', Raphael?' And that mothafuckah says-- [she looks around]. Shit, I forgot they's white people up in here! Sorry, folks. So, Raphael had made such a terrible mess, so I asked him what he was doing, and he said...
Circle Centre Mall Concourse
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Categories: Black people | Gossip | Indiana | Race | Posted 2007-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some of the Time You're My Favorite Fuck
Drunk girl: 'Fuck' is my favorite word!
Sober boyfriend, laughing: 'Fuck' is not your favorite word. 'Fuck' is your favorite word some of the time.
Drunk girl: 'Some of the time' is my favorite word! [Falls over.]
Dorm room
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: My Favorite Word Too
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Kentucky | Words | Posted 2007-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Have a Learning Disability That Requires Me to Do Lots of Coke
College chick: I, like, physically cannot get good grades... I think the problem is in my brain.
University of North Carolina - Chapel Hill
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Overheard by: KAT
Categories: Colleges & Universities | North Carolina | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2007-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Perhaps It's Time to Repair the Hole in Our Shared Wall
Girl: So, felching is when I rim you, right?
Guy: Something like that.
Girl: Is it like a frumpie? I think I'm more comfortable getting fucked in the ass by a girl than a guy. I mean, it's like the oral thing -- I'd rather lick a pussy while you fuck me than suck a dick.
Guy: Alright.
Girl: I can't believe your neighbor knocked on your door to shut us up! That was too funny.
Guy: She's British. She doesn't really understand rough sex, just tea and finding her husband in her thongs.
Hop's Grill and Bar
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: just trying to eat dinner without hearing the word 'frumpie'
Categories: Creepsters | Florida | Kink | Restaurants | Posted 2007-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Key to Fame Is Setting Yourself Apart
Guy on cell: Oh, so you're the one who likes horseshoe crabs!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: patricia
Categories: Gossip | On the phone | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Flagrantly Noncompliant
Female grad student: The Americans with Disabilities Act reminds me of my Barbie dream house!
Grad school
Texas
Overheard by: Bean
Categories: Memory lane | Students | Texas | Posted 2007-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Minus
Third year law student #1 as assignment is handed back: I got a 'Good.'
Third year law student #2: I got a 'Drop out of law school.'
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Categories: Education | Insults | Overheard in Law School | Students | Posted 2007-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Bar for Chivalry Has Gotten Very Low
Gender professor: I don't know how you'd know by just looking at men if they're the chivalrous kind or the rapey kind.
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Categories: Character | Overheard in Law School | Teachers | Posted 2007-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Like to Figure Out How It Happened
Chick in hall: Guess what? I'm pregnant.
Friend: Oh.
Chick: Yeah. Wanna study tonight?
Arlington High School
Arlington, Texas
Overheard by: tina
Categories: Pregnancy | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Texas | Posted 2007-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Not Enough to Learn What It's Called
Dreamer: I always wanted to be in the little pokey-outy thing on top of a caboose.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: mk
Categories: Idiots | Overheard Lines | Stupidity | Posted 2007-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Are You?
Drunk girl #1: I don't know how much I liked that wine.
Drunk girl #2: Me either. It was kind of too sweet.
Drunk girl #3: Guys, I just swallowed a dime.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: tan
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Way to Be Empathetic, Bitch
College girl #1: You know how you tell yourself, 'It's okay to spend a lot of money on clothes, because then I won't have enough money to buy food so I'll be able to fit into my clothes'?
College girl #2: I never tell myself that.
College girl #1: Oh. Well, I do.
Newbury Street boutique
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Massachusetts | Philosophy | Sorority types | Posted 2007-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Are the Hollow Women, We Are the Stuffed Women
Bimbette #1: Can you get pregnant from giving head?
Bimbette #2: No, dumbass! Your saliva kills it before it gets to your uterus.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: I wish I were joe mauer so I could get girls like this
Categories: Bimbettes | Overheard in Minneapolis | Stupidity | Posted 2007-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why You Never Tell a Kid You Considered Aborting Him
Five-year-old boy: Mommy, I'm gonna scrape your eye out. I take your eyeball right out! Scrape, scrape, scrape! Take, take, take! I got your eyeball, hahaha!
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Should have used a condom | Threats | Washington | Posted 2007-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or You Can Take Advantage of This Special TV Offer!
Lady: Our cat used to jump up and pee on the stove. You can only imagine the smell of cooked urine.
Vet's office
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: hortense
Categories: Crazies | Overheard in Philly | Pee | Posted 2007-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Not Enough to Do It Myself
Chick: We're going to see Saw II, right?
Dude: It's probably gonna suck, though.
Chick: I just want to see people fucking die! You like watching people die, don't you?
Dude: Well, yeah.
Ursinus College
Collegeville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: A student
Categories: Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Movies | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Food Chain's There -- We Just Have to Use It
Girl: I hate geese.
Guy: Because they're Canadian?
Girl: No, the fat white ones. I hate them because they're fat. And greedy.
Guy: Yeah, what's up with that? They always run right up to you if you have bread.
Girl: And they totally harass the ducks, man!
Guy: Yeah, what the fuck?! Stupid geese. Fuck that shit, man. Fuck that shit.
Girl: Yeah!
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Birds | Grumpies | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Work on Acquiring Sexual Expertise
Girl #1: Do you think I'm pretty?
Girl #2: I'm sure you're pretty on the inside.
Canberra
Australia
Overheard by: Ruby
It's in the Fridge with the Pizza
Chick: Hey, want some pizza?
Hobo: Sure!
Chick: It's cold, but it's still pizza.
Hobo: What?! Cold pizza? Who eats cold pizza? I ain't never heard anything like that in my life. No, I don't want any of your crack-ass pizza.
Chick: Hey, you're homeless! You're not supposed to be picky.
Hobo: I bet you have a tight pussy.
W 9th Street and LaSalle Avenue
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: izz-ay
Pretty Much How It Works
Old lady: Wouldn't it be nice if we could just stay as we were and then wake up one day and be dead?
Assisted living center
Iowa
Categories: Death & dying | Iowa | Old folks | Posted 2007-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us |