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April 2007 Archives
Think of It As an Experimental Fiction Grant
Hobo: I tried skateboarding once, but I fell down and had a baby... Can I have some money?
Granville SkyTrain station
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: chad
Categories: Canadia | Hobos | Panhandling | Posted 2007-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Then How about a Few Bucks So I Can Buy It a Shoe?
Panhandler: Do you have any change? I need money. My old lady kicked me out. I need money for a penis... reduction... It's too big, and she kicked me out. She said not to come back until--
Man: --No.
Shout-out: weirdosofwinnipeg.blogspot.com
Categories: Homeless | Lies | Penis | Weirdos of Winnipeg | Posted 2007-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Eminem Really Has against Moby
Hipster, gesturing: ... And his flaccid dick was as big as my forearm!
Olive Street overpass
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Gossip | Hipsters | Penis | Washington | Posted 2007-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Because That Would Narrow It Down
Drunk boy: I can't find her! I don't know where she is!
Drunk girl: Is she wearing clothes?
Bryn Mawr College
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Clothing | Colleges & Universities | Drunks | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
On Second Thought, I'll Wheel Myself
Man pushing wheelchair lady, singing: Handicap, handicap, oh handy handy handy...
Epcot Park, Disney World
Florida
Overheard by: Euggh
Categories: Florida | Guys | Singing | Tourist attractions | Posted 2007-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Sell a Kit for That, Too
Professor: It's like IKEA -- you buy some furniture, think you can put it all together, you go home and fail and then go slit your wrists in the corner.
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: shawn
Categories: Education | Overheard at Western | Teachers | Posted 2007-04-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Picture Just a Thigh Wearing Fishnets
Girl: She looked like a mix between a Christmas ham and a hooker.
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: NS
Categories: Chicks | Insults | New Jersey | Posted 2007-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Everything I Chose to Do to You Is Your Fault
Wife: This is the last chance. I'm really going to file for divorce unless you're willing to work at this.
Husband: I deserve someone that I won't cheat on.
Omaha, Nebraska
Then You'll Hate Gay-Porn Method Acting
Chick: I don't like processes... and anal things.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: twombly
Categories: Chicks | Overheard at Cornell | Philosophy | Posted 2007-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Food Chain's There -- We Just Have to Use It
Girl: I hate geese.
Guy: Because they're Canadian?
Girl: No, the fat white ones. I hate them because they're fat. And greedy.
Guy: Yeah, what's up with that? They always run right up to you if you have bread.
Girl: And they totally harass the ducks, man!
Guy: Yeah, what the fuck?! Stupid geese. Fuck that shit, man. Fuck that shit.
Girl: Yeah!
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Birds | Grumpies | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Feel of Flesh, the Endurance of Metal
Tech enthusiast: Wait, did you say 'cyber sex'?
Dude: No -- cyborg sex.
Tech enthusiast: Cyborg sex? That's even better!
Shout-out: weirdosofwinnipeg.blogspot.com
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Sex | Weirdos of Winnipeg | Posted 2007-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
She Was Absolutely My Favorite Doctor
Suit: ... And of course afterwards she ran up and down the hospital corridor naked, screaming at her husband.
Bakery
Christchurch
New Zealand
Categories: Gossip | New Zealand | Suits | Posted 2007-04-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Can't Understand Why It's Illegal!
Big dude on phone: Yeah, I am feeling better... I woke up at four a.m. this morning, but it's okay -- I'm taking that euthanasia stuff and it seems to be helping.
Tram, Victoria Street
Melbourne, Victoria
Australia
Overheard by: Louise
Categories: Australia | Idiots | On the phone | Words | Posted 2007-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Used to Wear the Wonderbra, but I Kept Needing to Get Abortions
Sorority girl #1: So, like, you still get your period when you're on the pill.
Sorority girl #2: Yeah, but not when you're pregnant.
Sorority girl #1: So what's the point of the pill, then?
Sorority girl #2: It totally makes your boobs bigger.
Airport
Lexington, Kentucky
Categories: Airports & flights | Gossip | Kentucky | Rack | Sorority types | Posted 2007-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Odds Are They'll Both Reproduce
Bimbette #1: Hey, ummm, how do I get my files out of the computer?
Bimbette #2: Wait... The computers are also filing cabinets?! No, wait -- I don't think they are...
Bimbette #1: But isn't that where we get the papers?
Bimbette #2: What?
Bimbette #1: What?
Honesdale High School
Honesdale, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Alex Lepro
Categories: Bimbettes | Pennsylvania | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Technology | Posted 2007-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Streetcar Only Works Nights
Taxi dispatcher to taxi driver: You don't have to say, 'Taxi 41 calling.' I know you're a taxi. You're not the streetcar named Desire.
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Thanks for clearing that up
Um, Did He Give You Money?
Sorostitute: You know how I got my coke whore status?
Roommate: Ummm, how?
Sorostitute: I snorted a line off of Jared's penis with a hundred dollar bill.
Roommate: Wow.
Sorostitute: That's not that bad, is it?
Dinning hall, Florida State University
Tallahassee, Florida
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drugs | Florida | Gossip | Sorority types | Posted 2007-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Her Contract Calls for Sausage
Brunette on cell: Bacon may be a powerful motivator, but...
Public library
Appleton, Wisconsin
Categories: Food | On the phone | Wisconsin | Posted 2007-04-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Second-Best Sex I Ever Had
Woman: Sleeping with him just never feels consensual. It's like being raped by your brother.
Friend: Yeah, it felt like that for me, too.
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Friends | Overheard in the Valley | Sex | Posted 2007-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also Uses This Explanation for His Penis
Girl: Look, there's a small dog coming this way!
Guy: It's not small, it's far away.
Serbia
... That Was before Her Head Spun Around
Chick #1: She looks kind of...
Chick #2: Satanic?
Chick #1: I was going to say Ukrainian, but...
Allegheny College
Pennsylvania
Categories: Biotechs | Colleges & Universities | Insults | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who's the Size 12 Here?
Three-year-old boy: Mom, let's play Moose! You're the moose!
Mom: Why do I have to be moose?
Trendy clothing store
Pasadena, California
Overheard by: throwsnails
Categories: California | Insults | Kids | Moms | Posted 2007-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Think a Swarovski Crystal Will Be Just the Thing to Brighten Her Day
Southern lady: I'm getting this for my daughter. She lost everything when the roaches took over the trailer.
Call on a home shopping channel
Categories: Gossip | Insects | Television & radio | Whiteys | Posted 2007-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Next Thing I Knew, I Was Working for the DEA
Chick: All I want is a lifetime supply of weed and to be put in charge of the retards.
Blue Bricks Bar
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: but I'm in charge of the retards
Categories: Chicks | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-04-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Kindly Fellate Me, You Promiscuous Female Dog
Old black lady to friend: He had shit all fuckin' dumped out all over the goddamned place, so I says, 'What the fuck is you doin', Raphael?' And that mothafuckah says-- [she looks around]. Shit, I forgot they's white people up in here! Sorry, folks. So, Raphael had made such a terrible mess, so I asked him what he was doing, and he said...
Circle Centre Mall Concourse
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Categories: Black people | Gossip | Indiana | Race | Posted 2007-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Some of the Time You're My Favorite Fuck
Drunk girl: 'Fuck' is my favorite word!
Sober boyfriend, laughing: 'Fuck' is not your favorite word. 'Fuck' is your favorite word some of the time.
Drunk girl: 'Some of the time' is my favorite word! [Falls over.]
Dorm room
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: My Favorite Word Too
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Kentucky | Words | Posted 2007-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Have a Learning Disability That Requires Me to Do Lots of Coke
College chick: I, like, physically cannot get good grades... I think the problem is in my brain.
University of North Carolina - Chapel Hill
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Overheard by: KAT
Categories: Colleges & Universities | North Carolina | Students | Stupidity | Posted 2007-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Perhaps It's Time to Repair the Hole in Our Shared Wall
Girl: So, felching is when I rim you, right?
Guy: Something like that.
Girl: Is it like a frumpie? I think I'm more comfortable getting fucked in the ass by a girl than a guy. I mean, it's like the oral thing -- I'd rather lick a pussy while you fuck me than suck a dick.
Guy: Alright.
Girl: I can't believe your neighbor knocked on your door to shut us up! That was too funny.
Guy: She's British. She doesn't really understand rough sex, just tea and finding her husband in her thongs.
Hop's Grill and Bar
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: just trying to eat dinner without hearing the word 'frumpie'
Categories: Creepsters | Florida | Kink | Restaurants | Posted 2007-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Key to Fame Is Setting Yourself Apart
Guy on cell: Oh, so you're the one who likes horseshoe crabs!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: patricia
Categories: Gossip | On the phone | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is Flagrantly Noncompliant
Female grad student: The Americans with Disabilities Act reminds me of my Barbie dream house!
Grad school
Texas
Overheard by: Bean
Categories: Memory lane | Students | Texas | Posted 2007-04-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... Minus
Third year law student #1 as assignment is handed back: I got a 'Good.'
Third year law student #2: I got a 'Drop out of law school.'
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Categories: Education | Insults | Overheard in Law School | Students | Posted 2007-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Bar for Chivalry Has Gotten Very Low
Gender professor: I don't know how you'd know by just looking at men if they're the chivalrous kind or the rapey kind.
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Categories: Character | Overheard in Law School | Teachers | Posted 2007-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Like to Figure Out How It Happened
Chick in hall: Guess what? I'm pregnant.
Friend: Oh.
Chick: Yeah. Wanna study tonight?
Arlington High School
Arlington, Texas
Overheard by: tina
Categories: Pregnancy | School [Elem., Middle, & High] | Students | Texas | Posted 2007-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Not Enough to Learn What It's Called
Dreamer: I always wanted to be in the little pokey-outy thing on top of a caboose.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: mk
Categories: Idiots | Overheard Lines | Stupidity | Posted 2007-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Are You?
Drunk girl #1: I don't know how much I liked that wine.
Drunk girl #2: Me either. It was kind of too sweet.
Drunk girl #3: Guys, I just swallowed a dime.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: tan
Categories: Drinking & drunks | Drunks | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Way to Be Empathetic, Bitch
College girl #1: You know how you tell yourself, 'It's okay to spend a lot of money on clothes, because then I won't have enough money to buy food so I'll be able to fit into my clothes'?
College girl #2: I never tell myself that.
College girl #1: Oh. Well, I do.
Newbury Street boutique
Boston, Massachusetts
Categories: Massachusetts | Philosophy | Sorority types | Posted 2007-04-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Are the Hollow Women, We Are the Stuffed Women
Bimbette #1: Can you get pregnant from giving head?
Bimbette #2: No, dumbass! Your saliva kills it before it gets to your uterus.
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: I wish I were joe mauer so I could get girls like this
Categories: Bimbettes | Overheard in Minneapolis | Stupidity | Posted 2007-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why You Never Tell a Kid You Considered Aborting Him
Five-year-old boy: Mommy, I'm gonna scrape your eye out. I take your eyeball right out! Scrape, scrape, scrape! Take, take, take! I got your eyeball, hahaha!
Seattle, Washington
Categories: Should have used a condom | Threats | Washington | Posted 2007-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Or You Can Take Advantage of This Special TV Offer!
Lady: Our cat used to jump up and pee on the stove. You can only imagine the smell of cooked urine.
Vet's office
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: hortense
Categories: Crazies | Overheard in Philly | Pee | Posted 2007-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Not Enough to Do It Myself
Chick: We're going to see Saw II, right?
Dude: It's probably gonna suck, though.
Chick: I just want to see people fucking die! You like watching people die, don't you?
Dude: Well, yeah.
Ursinus College
Collegeville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: A student
Categories: Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Movies | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Food Chain's There -- We Just Have to Use It
Girl: I hate geese.
Guy: Because they're Canadian?
Girl: No, the fat white ones. I hate them because they're fat. And greedy.
Guy: Yeah, what's up with that? They always run right up to you if you have bread.
Girl: And they totally harass the ducks, man!
Guy: Yeah, what the fuck?! Stupid geese. Fuck that shit, man. Fuck that shit.
Girl: Yeah!
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Birds | Grumpies | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-04-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Work on Acquiring Sexual Expertise
Girl #1: Do you think I'm pretty?
Girl #2: I'm sure you're pretty on the inside.
Canberra
Australia
Overheard by: Ruby
It's in the Fridge with the Pizza
Chick: Hey, want some pizza?
Hobo: Sure!
Chick: It's cold, but it's still pizza.
Hobo: What?! Cold pizza? Who eats cold pizza? I ain't never heard anything like that in my life. No, I don't want any of your crack-ass pizza.
Chick: Hey, you're homeless! You're not supposed to be picky.
Hobo: I bet you have a tight pussy.
W 9th Street and LaSalle Avenue
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: izz-ay
Pretty Much How It Works
Old lady: Wouldn't it be nice if we could just stay as we were and then wake up one day and be dead?
Assisted living center
Iowa
Categories: Death & dying | Iowa | Old folks | Posted 2007-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Didn't We Sell You for Medical Experiments?
Four-year-old girl: Daddy, can you hold my hand?
Disheveled father: I am not your personal hand holder!
Wal-Mart parking lot
Warminster, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Catty
Categories: Dads | Kids | Parenting | Pennsylvania | Posted 2007-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Psh, What Isn't?
Drunk girl: Passing out when you're drunk is so much better than having sex when you're sober.
Montclair State University
Montclair, New Jersey
Overheard by: BTON
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drunks | New Jersey | Philosophy | Posted 2007-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Depends Which Baby You Mean
Man: So yeah, the baby is due in July.
Hairdresser: This year?
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Brett
... Warn Them about Your Jagged Left Nut?
Chick on cell: You're gonna go rubbin' your balls all over other girls and I can't even...?
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: lichka
Categories: Balls | On the phone | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-04-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Man Should Fall Down for the Right Reason
Tayal #1: Do you know that Oro had a stroke?
Man: I have heard that.
Tayal #2: Which Oro?
Man: Tienmei's father.
Tayal #2: How did that happen?
Tayal #1: He didn't drink enough liquor.
Shout-out: talovich.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Yugan
Or Was It Your Turn to Take the Roofies?
Dude to another: Remember that gang bang we had last night?
Shout-out: overheardina2.blogspot.com
Categories: Creepsters | Kink | Overheard in Ann Arbor | Questions | Posted 2007-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Could Stand to Cut Back on the Drinking As Well
Seven-year-old girl: Mama, did you know that hip-hop is good to do if you need to lose weight?
Mother: I'm sure it is... But sweetie, you don't need to lose weight!
Seven-year-old girl: No, but you do!
Massachusetts
Categories: Glad the condom broke | Insults | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Has a Right to Know Why Your Water Broke in His Classroom
Girl: Why would I tell Professor Turner I'm pregnant? I haven't even told my parents yet.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: bailey
Categories: Overheard at Cornell | Pregnancy | Students | Posted 2007-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah? Depends.
Hubby to wifey: No power on earth will make me wear a diaper.
Shout-out: nimbleit.21publish.com
Overheard by: Jessie
Categories: Hubbies | Overheard in Utah | Pride | Posted 2007-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Call Me Back When Your Aneurism Subsides
Girl on phone: Mommy, my nose is pierced, I'm marrying a girl, I'm in love with a gay boy, and I'm pregnant. One of these is false. Goodbye.
Shout-out: www.overheardinathens.com
Categories: Lies | On the phone | Overheard in Athens | Posted 2007-04-22 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unless You Like Zima
Dude to two chicks: So, my friends are really nice... Just don't accept any drinks from them.
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: nate
Categories: Advice | Creepsters | Overheard at Western | Posted 2007-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Really? I Couldn't See It behind Your Asscheeks
Sorority pledge #1 walking in on another: Oh my god, I'm so sorry! Don't worry, I didn't see anything.
Sorority pledge #2: Haha, it's okay, I don't care -- I have a thong on.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: victoria's true secret
Categories: Overheard at Cornell | Sorority types | Undies | Posted 2007-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spigot
Dude #1: My urine is probably clearer than the water coming out of the shower. My penis is like a Brita, right?
Dude #2: Yeah.
Dude #1: So I'm practically peeing holy water.
Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York
Overheard by: Nik
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Frat boy types | New York | Pee | Posted 2007-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And a Great White
Bimbette #1: Ewww, you did Brandon? Why? He's so ugly!
Bimbette #2: He had a pet shark...
Climbing gym
Virginia
But You Can Have a Nose-Head, Like in Those Allergy Commercials
Sensible chick to dude: Look, you can only have one dick, and it can't be your entire body.
Shout-out: overheardatstanford.blogspot.com
Overheard by: bob
Categories: Chicks | Overheard at Stanford | Penis | Posted 2007-04-21 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think I Can Dig Up Some Gay Porn to Support That Thesis
Hippie student: So, did the oil man and thong man work together?
Professor: One could only hope.
Archaeology class
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: squirrely mcsquirrel
Just Keep Watering It, Sweetie
Little girl: Mom, why don't I have a hairy butt like you?
Bathroom, AA flight 329
Categories: Airports & flights | Ass | Glad the condom broke | Hair | Questions | Restroom | Posted 2007-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Being Able to Pee in a Cup Is the Whole Test, Right?
Bro dawg #1: Dude, I totally passed my drug test!
Bro dawg #2: Awesome! [High five.]
Bro dawg #1: Yeah, I think the LSD and the coke totally canceled each other out!
Bro dawg #2: Awesome!
Northeastern University
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Not gonna pass his drug test
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drugs | Frat boy types | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Suggest You Do Further Research
Stoner kid #1: I don't eat anything that used to be alive. Well, except eggs. And hamburger, you know, because of the cows.
Stoner kid #2: And cake!
Stoner kid #1: Yeah, cake.
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: The RQ
Scary Up-on-the-Cross-Why'd-You-Do-This-to-Me Jesus
Girl #1: I was up until two a.m. last night. I'm so tired.
Girl #2: Why were you up so late?
Girl #1: I was talking to Jesus.
Girl #2: Oh, which one?
Wisconsin
And Who Grooms Me
Dude: I'm so glad I have a code monkey as a roommate so I don't have to live with someone who--
Code monkey roommate, interrupting: --Is happy?
Dude: Exactly.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: doug
Categories: Friends | Happiness | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
God, Economics Really Is a Dismal Science
Really happy college chick: So many people will die. You know why? The demons are hungry. When you die they eat your soul. They're hungry and they aren't happy about it, so people have to die.
Route 16 bus
Shout-out: www.overheardinminneapolis.com
Overheard by: wishing I had chosen a different seat
Categories: Crazies | Evil | Gossip | Overheard in Minneapolis | Posted 2007-04-20 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Han Solo: Nothing I Do Will Ever Be Enough
Virgin: He has to save the universe! Do you know what that's like? Do you know what that feels like? No! Because you're not Luke Skywalker!
Shout-out: overheardatstanford.blogspot.com
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Movies | Overheard at Stanford | Posted 2007-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Practice Prohibited by a Scalia Decision
3L law student: He's just irritating. He's like one of those people who masturbates to Scalia decisions.
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Categories: Insults | Masturbation | Overheard in Law School | Students | Posted 2007-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Knew You Didn't Have Mono Last Year
Grad student trying to impress a date: Pigeon shit is the most toxic bird poop.
Date: How do you know that?!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: squirrely mcsquirrel
Categories: Birds | Overheard at Cornell | Poop | Students | Posted 2007-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Keep Using That Word. I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means
MBA #1 whispering: Every time [the professor] says, 'investment of comparable risk,' don't you feel like he is saying, 'rodents of unusual size'? Like in The Princess Bride?
MBA #2: You don't like Accounting, do you?
Shout-out: overheardatkmc.blogspot.com
Categories: Class | Education | Movies | Overheard at KMC | Students | Posted 2007-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Okay, Now's Not the Time. Fine.
Nerd #1: You know, we never really have to grow up. We just have to know when to act like we're actually adults.
Nerd #2 with laptop: Shut up, I'm watching Batman: The Animated Series.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: doug
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Laptops | Overheard at Cornell | TV shows | Posted 2007-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That's at Least Half Right
Sleepy girl: Sex is overrated... but sleep isn't.
Rockhampton, Queensland
Australia
Overheard by: shex
Categories: Australia | Chicks | Philosophy | Posted 2007-04-19 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nothing to Offer but Blood, Toil, Tears and Sweat
Goth girl: My vagina's sweating.
Goth boy: They really do that? I thought it was a myth. Man, I'm glad I don't have one of those.
Congress Avenue and Barton Springs Road
Austin, Texas
Nah, Just Another Psychotic Break
The pilot is sitting in the cockpit making clicking noises and singing in a falsetto voice.
Flight attendant: Are you high?
On the runway
Dulles, Virginia
Overheard by: first class is scary
Categories: Airports & flights | Flight attendants | Questions | Virginia | Posted 2007-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Can We Meet to Talk about This?
Blonde on cell: So I called her up and asked her why she was so mad at me, and she was like, 'You called me, like, five hundred times when I was with Alan, and I think you're a creepy stalker. And I talked about it with him and he thinks you're a stalker, too.' And I was like, 'You really think I'm some sort of lesbian stalker?! Oh my god, I'm so embarrassed!'
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: rv
Categories: On the phone | Overheard at Cornell | Sexuality | Posted 2007-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken
Five-year-old girl, happily: ... And then I did it! I peed right in my pants!
Mom: Honey, you shouldn't be proud of something like that. You should be embarrassed.
Five-year-old girl, even happier: Oh, okay! I'm embarrassed!
Whole Foods
Hadley, Massachusetts
Overheard by: velvin
Categories: Massachusetts | Moms | Pee | Should have used a condom | Stores | Posted 2007-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Was Just Holding That Wall for a Friend
Lady hobo: Man, you is the biggest crackhead I ever met.
Giant hobo, muttering incoherently: No, man, I ain't no crackhead. I ain't no crackhead.
Lady hobo: Nigga, you smoke drywall!
Atlanta, Georgia
And What Are We? Posers!
Mom: That's Hollister. Remember what I told you about Hollister?
Toddler girl: Hollister.
Mom: Hollister is for po-sers.
Toddler girl: Posers.
Mom: Po-sers.
Toddler girl, giggling excitedly: Posers!
Garden State Plaza
Paramus, New Jersey
Overheard by: Sar
Categories: Fashion | Glad the condom broke | Insults | Moms | New Jersey | Posted 2007-04-18 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's a Hard Worker, and You Don't Have to Pay Him Scale
Leather-clad guy to another: I'll lend you my iguana. It'll save you money.
Sheffield
England
Overheard by: chris
Categories: Animals | Creepsters | England | Money | Posted 2007-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It Seems to Be Rather Solidly Attached, Though
Teen girl: I know! It's the same with my uterus. I just want to rip it out sometimes.
Covington, Washington
Overheard by: Trevor
Categories: Teens | Uterus | Washington | Posted 2007-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And That Was Our First Physics Lab
Chick to friend: ... So I stuck my fingers up her nose, and I got a free nose ring out of it!
Vassar campus
Poughkeepsie, New York
Categories: Chicks | Colleges & Universities | Gossip | New York | Posted 2007-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is the Gold Standard for Nastiness
Screaming hobo: Your mouth is nasty! Your mouth is nasty, man! Your mouth is nastier than my asshole!
Shattuck Avenue and Bancroft Way
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Categories: California | Hobos | Insults | Mouth | Posted 2007-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One of Sisyphus's Lesser-Known Tasks in Hell
Woman on cell: I got a million panty liners. You can line your panties until the end of time!
Georgia
Categories: Georgia | Gossip | On the phone | Posted 2007-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Something Was Put in That Wasn't There Before?
Wide-eyed girl #1 exiting class: Did he just--?
Wide-eyed girl #2: --Yeah.
Wide-eyed girl #1: But wha--?
Wide-eyed girl #2: --I feel dirty.
Wide-eyed girl #1: Yeah.
Wide-eyed girl #2: Do you... Uh, wait.
Wide-eyed girl #1: Did we just get mind-fucked?
Wide-eyed girl #2: I think so.
Arkansas State University
Jonesboro, Arkansas
Overheard by: What the hell just happened?!
Categories: Arkansas | Colleges & Universities | Education | Students | Posted 2007-04-17 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That, and the Jar of Lube He Keeps Waving Around
Queer: Oh my god, did you see Andy in that hat?
Fag hag: Yeah!
Queer: Doesn't he know that a cowboy hat that big is an unequivocal call for anal sex?
New Haven, Connecticut
Categories: Connecticut | Fag hags | Fashion | Queers | Posted 2007-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Guess You Could, Like, Help Stop the Burning
Bimbette #1: I would love to be a fireman! You work, like, three days a week, and when you're there you can just, like, sit and watch the news until the fire alarm goes off!
Bimbette #2: Yeah, but you'd have to watch people's houses burn down.
Bimbette #1: Yeah... That'd be, like, really depressing.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Categories: Bimbettes | Jobs & Careers | Minnesota | Posted 2007-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Need to Know What to Call What I'm Up To
Girl: Isn't that called 'sodomy'? Or is that when you shit on someone?
Shout-out: overheardinumcp.blogspot.com
Overheard by: tracey
Categories: Chicks | Overheard in College Park | Stupidity | Posted 2007-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Fisher-Price Introduces the Backyardigans Butt Plug
Mom gripping three kids by their collars with one hand while pointing with each word at each kid with her other hand: I. Don't. Want. To. Hear. Another. Word. About. Sticking. Something. Up. Your. Asses!
Toy aisle, Wal-Mart
Columbia, Missouri
Overheard by: keller-wish i'd gotten there fifteen seconds earlier
Largely Involving Your Vagina
Angry girl: I don't want any sluts at my table!
Friend, calmly: Well, I guess I should move, then.
Angry girl: You're not a slut. You just make... odd choices.
Tennessee
Overheard by: Vastly Amused
Categories: Euphemisms | Friends | Tennessee | Posted 2007-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mentos and Money
Lady: I don't like her. She smells like the bottom of someone's purse.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: mk
Categories: Biotechs | Insults | Overheard Lines | Posted 2007-04-16 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Says Human Rights Organizations Don't Appeal to the Masses?
Girl: I save Soviet Jews. I win valuable prizes!
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Crazies | Jobs & Careers | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Now I've Got This Sore or Whatever
Girl #1: So I was, like, in this hot tub with this guy, and we're, like, making out or whatever.
Girl #2: Uh-huh...
Girl #1: And then I go, 'What's your name?' And I think he said something, but I was like, 'Whatever.'
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: alex b.
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Foreplay | Names | New York | Overheard at Cornell | Relationships | Stupidity | Posted 2007-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ask Your Doctor about Cialis
13-year-old punk girl: I've seen you somewhere before.
Punk guy: Probably. I sell drugs.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Categories: Drugs | Pennsylvania | Punks | Posted 2007-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Willing to Defend the Moral Low Ground against All Comers
Bimbette: I don't know what his problem is. Columbus Day? Like, whatever, it's a day off. I would celebrate Saddam Hussein Day if I got a day off.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: sitt
Categories: Bimbettes | Holidays | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You Know What I Mean
Professor: That's what people in Paris did on Sunday afternoons -- they walked their ostriches.
Vermont
Look at It, Sitting There in That Box, Plotting, Plotting...
Man: Styrofoam... Just thinking of it sends chills up and down my spine. Man, I hate that stuff.
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: aaron
Categories: Crazies | Fears | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2007-04-15 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Not That It Does Much Good
Dude #1: So, what are you in?
Chick: Physiology, but I'm taking physics and anatomy.
Dude #2: Shit! So you get to go to the morgue and stuff?
Chick: Yeah! I love it!
Dude #1: Do you have to touch their privates?!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Body parts | Creepsters | Education | Overheard at McGill | Questions | Posted 2007-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think I Just Shot a Blank
Kid #1: This was the thing that made your penis hurt.
Kid #2: That was when I was littler.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: diana
Categories: Kids | Overheard Lines | Penis | Posted 2007-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Well, You'll Be Ready Next Time
Freshman girl #1: I met a boy in a kilt on Friday. I wish I would have had sex with him.
Freshman girl #2: Yeah, kilts are hot.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: sorostitute
Categories: Chicks | Fashion | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
We Can, but They're Kinda Like Taffy
Nurse: Okay, it's time to push the baby out. Take a deep breath, hold it, and push! One, two, three... That was an awesome push! I want you to do the same thing with the next contraction, okay?
Baby daddy: Why are you making her do this?
Nurse: Ummm, to get the baby out.
Baby daddy: Are you kidding me? How long do you expect her to do it?
Nurse: Until the baby comes out.
Baby daddy: This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard! Can't you just pull it out or something?
Labor and Delivery unit
Bakersfield, California
Categories: Birthing | California | Guys | Nurses | Posted 2007-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pictures at an Exhibitionist
Creepster: Do you mind if I show him a picture of you?
Cute girl: What picture?
Creepster: Catholic school girl.
Cute girl: You still have that?!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: bevans
Categories: Creepsters | Overheard at Cornell | Roleplay | Posted 2007-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Aren't You a Little Old to Be Riding on the Tea Cups?
Chick: Hey, how was your reading week?
Dude: Okay. I just went home, did nothing. How was yours?
Chick: It was good. I went to Florida.
Dude: Yeah, I saw some pic---tures... [Awkward silence.] Well, I'll see ya.
Shout-out: overheardatwestern.blogspot.com
Overheard by: alex
Categories: Internet | Overheard at Western | Students | Posted 2007-04-14 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Usually Ask You to Do It for Them
Sorostitute: Hey, you guys, can police just, like, pull cars over?
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: pineapple girl
Categories: Overheard at Cornell | Sorority types | Stupidity | Posted 2007-04-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
That Self-Exam Footage Is Going to Save Lives
Chick: If someone as good-looking as my brother is talking about your vagina, you're doing something right.
Waffle House
Hagerstown, Maryland
Overheard by: Stephanie
Lycopenes Seemed Important at the Time
Chick: It was a bad night... I was drunk... and high... and I ate half a bottle of ketchup.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: xcuterboix
Categories: Chicks | Drinking & drunks | Gossip | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-04-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Now, Here Are the Answers for Tomorrow's Ethics Test
Person #1: But isn't that lying?
Person #2: Don't worry about it, it's only for your security clearance.
Shout-out: www.overheardquote.com
Categories: Coworkers | Jobs & Careers | Lies | Overheard Quote | Posted 2007-04-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Steam. Got It.
Client: We need a giant steam head rising above the booth.
Agency president: Why?
Client: Because people love steam. They're drawn to it. It's the power and magic of steam I'm talking about here!
Shout-out: adverbatims.blogspot.com
Categories: AdVerbatims | Clients | Technology | Posted 2007-04-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Rare Spotting of the Tufted Gay Hobo
Hobo: Hey, man, can you spare a quarter?
Suit: Sure. Here you go.
Hobo: Thanks. [Calling after suit] I like your outfit!
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: rich
Categories: Clothing | Compliments | Hobos | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2007-04-13 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Suspect Your Testimony Is Biased
Lesbian: ... So then she freaked out and her vagina got so tight it bruised my finger.
Queer pal: See? More proof that vaginas can't be trusted.
Border's
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Protogarrett
Categories: California | Gossip | Lesbos | Queers | Vagina | Posted 2007-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But Pitch This to the Americans -- They'll Love It!
Lady on cell: Yes, I need to know what kind of an exhibition it will be, otherwise I'm not going to run it... Well, I'm not interested in people burping on each other or feeling each other up -- that's just a little weird... Well, yes, it makes up a part of my personality too, but not a very large or important one.
Univeristy of Melbourne
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Burping & farting | Colleges & Universities | On the phone | Overheard in Melbourne's Journal | Posted 2007-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Pass the Bong Back to Me before We Discuss This Further
Bimbette: There was racism because when the English were being mean to the Irish people.
Dude: Ummm, English and Irish people are both Caucasian. Technically, they're the same race.
Bimbette: No, Irish people have red hair.
Inattentive TA: That's an interesting point.
Overheard at York
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Bimbettes | Overheard at York | Race | Stupidity | Posted 2007-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Old Good Cock/Bad Cock Routine
Chatty lady: So, did I tell you I was getting married?
Man: That's great. I'm happy for you.
Chatty lady: Yeah, I'm having a hard time giving up my old boyfriend, though. He really understands the way I like to be dominated in bed. The sex is just sooo good, I'm not sure I can stop seeing him.
Man: Uhhh, yeah, I guess I can understand that.
Chatty lady: Yeah, I guess I'm just in a monogamous relationship with two men.
Birmingham, Alabama
When He Didn't Respond I Unfriended Him
Nerd: So, what do you think of Hitler?
Overheard at York
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | History | Overheard at York | Posted 2007-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Your College Tuition Was Money Well Spent
Father: We went to the titty bar all the time when we were in Canada.
20-ish daughter: I wish you wouldn't use the word 'titty.'
Father: Why not? Titty, titty, titty. Titty, titty, titty.
20-ish daughter: Cock, cunt, pussy, balls, dick.
Father: Point proven.
Connecticut
Overheard by: JPatrick
Categories: Connecticut | Dads | Words | Posted 2007-04-12 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Let's See What the Old E-meter Has to Say
Girlfriend: I swear I told you.
Boyfriend: No, you didn't.
Girlfriend, exasperated: Look, if I was lying then my hands would fall off. See? They're still on, so I'm not lying.
Boyfriend: I don't think that's a valid argument.
UC Berkeley
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: Suzie
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Liars | Lies | Posted 2007-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
One Little Stab Wound and You Pussy Out?
Dude to buddies: You're going to spend our hooker money on a cab?
Shout-out: www.overheardinvancouver.ca
Categories: Guys | Money | Overheard in Vancouver | Posted 2007-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, Where Have You Been for the Last 2000 Years?
Genius: ... And that's how I know Jesus is crazy.
Amherst, Massachusetts
Categories: Crazies | Jesus | Massachusetts | Posted 2007-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're a Real Gentleman
Dude: I think I should wait until she has breasts.
Shout-out: www.overheardinvancouver.ca
Overheard by: david
Categories: Creepsters | Overheard in Vancouver | Rack | Posted 2007-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
A Slutty Dance Major, Perhaps
Chick #1: I don't want to run into anyone I know in here.
Chick #2: Why not?
Chick #1: I don't want anyone to think I am a business major!
Shout-out: www.overheardinchtown.blogspot.com
Categories: Education | Overheard in Charlottetown | Students | Posted 2007-04-11 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Told Him to Burn Things
Teen girl: He was lying on my boobs and he said he could hear them talking.
Salem Center Mall
Salem, Oregon
Overheard by: Tess Miller
The Blowjob Bunny Makes Her Rounds
Drunk chick: Look, this is going to take five seconds. I just want to say hi, suck him off, and then we can leave.
Shout-out: greenoverheard.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: BJs | Drunks | So College | Posted 2007-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
For You, No. But Me?
Chick: So, first of all, I'm allergic to mango skin. So sticking one up my vagina just wouldn't work.
Shout-out: greenoverheard.blogspot.com
Overheard by:
Categories: Chicks | Fruit | Kink | So College | Vagina | Posted 2007-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Gotta Watch Your Bacchantes Every Minute
Man: So, like, an hour later I found them -- finally -- dancing around in a little circle for some drunk guy!
Rundle Street
Adelaide
South Australia
Overheard by: Jimmy Bean
I Lost Big in Pitch-and-Toss
Nerdy chick: The only time you did anything slutty was when you had sex with that carny on my kitchen floor.
Party, Western Michigan University
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Michigan | Sex | Posted 2007-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks, Pfizer!
60-year-old dad to son while leaving restaurant: Thanks for joining us for lunch. It was good. Now I can go home and spread my seed.
Chinese restuarant, 5 Mile and Merriman Road
Livonia, Michigan
Categories: Cum | Dads | Michigan | Restaurants | Posted 2007-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Only Japanese She Knows Involves Gummy Candies
Girl #1: Did you know that the Playtex tampon headquarters are located in Dover, Delaware?
Girl #2: Did you wikipedia it? I'm a Tampax gal, myself.
Girl #1: No, I read it on my box of Playtex sport. I was learning French by translating the toxic shock warning labels.
Girl #2: You're my favorite.
Art Institute of Philadelphia
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Chicks | Pennsylvania | US Geography | Posted 2007-04-10 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Just Doing Our Part to Discourage Self-Righteousness
Dude #1: So, I guess they're selling coffee and samosas or whatever in that hallway in McConnell again.
Dude #2: Oh yeah? That's usually pretty cheap. Hey, is it for charity?
Dude #1: Yeah, I think so.
Dude #2: Oh. Well, fuck that, then.
Dude #1: Seriously.
Shout-out: overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Food | Jerks | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2007-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They Couldn't
Frat boy: We are Ivy League educated men -- we can figure out how to turn a bed sheet into a toga.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: maria
Categories: Fashion | Frat boy types | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So Anyway, He Killed Himself to Spite Me
Girl #1: Oh my god, so remember how Ben stopped talking to me and I was pissed but now I'm totally over it and whatever? Well, it turns out that what I didn't know was that his mother was dying and he was held up at knife point for like 20 minutes and was going through post-traumatic stress... And then I went home for reading week and didn't call him because I thought he wasn't talking to me, and that was apparently, like, the straw that broke the camel's back -- like, he really needed me and I wasn't there for him or something.
Girl #2: Wow. It's like, 'Thanks for making me feel like a total bitch.'
Girl #1: I know!
Shout-out: www.overheardatmcgill.com
Categories: Bimbettes | Bringing it back to you | Gossip | Overheard at McGill | Posted 2007-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Know, the Old Testament God Is a Real Dick
Art history TA: This print depicts the sacrifice of Isaac, which is a biblical story where God told Abraham to kill his first-born son.
Bimbette: Oh. My. God. That's... terrible! That's almost as bad as a girl telling her boyfriend that he needs to get rid of his dog because she's allergic.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: mary
Categories: Bimbettes | Class | Overheard at Cornell | Stupidity | Teachers | Posted 2007-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And You Just Know That's His Porn Name
Chick: So, what are your irrational fears?
Dude: Well, I'm afraid of that song. You know, the John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt one. I mean, 'that's my name, too'? What does that mean?! I mean, think about it's larger sociological implications. That just freaks me out.
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Music | Overheard in the Valley | Posted 2007-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Presenting the Sovereign Cure for Moral Uplift
Chick: Well, as I was writing this massive document I kept thinking about that thing about how you eat an elephant...
Dude: How?
Chick: One bite at a time.
Dude: Ahhh. You know how you bury a giraffe?
Chick: No, how?
Dude: You cut it up with a chainsaw.
Chick: [Silence.]
Dude: I saw pictures from the zoo when they had to cut one up.
Chick: They took pictures?!
Dude: Yeah... I'm not sure why.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: mk
Categories: Animals | Chicks | Gossip | Overheard Lines | Posted 2007-04-09 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You're Interrupting Our Tequila Shot Rotation
Student: Is 'too' an adverb?
English professor: Why do you care?
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: maria
Categories: Overheard at Cornell | Questions | Students | Teachers | Posted 2007-04-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
They're Too Drunk to Drive
Chick on cell: Well, the cadaver table is the only big thing that has to be moved. I'll take the snakes in my car.
Shout-out: feeds.feedburner.com
Overheard by: johanna
Categories: Animals | On the phone | Overheard in Vancouver | Posted 2007-04-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Italian 101 Textbooks Are Getting More and More Useless
Italian professor: Once, I put an octopus into a boy's underwear.
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Animals | Gossip | Overheard at BU | Teachers | Posted 2007-04-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Medea Didn't Listen, Though, and the Gods Punished Her with a Rash
Dude: Tell your sister I won't sleep with her if she shaves her pubic hair. That shit is like the golden fleece, yo.
Shout-out: overheardinthevalley.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Angie
Categories: Frat boy types | Overheard in the Valley | Shaving | Posted 2007-04-08 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Breathing Is So '90s
Hipster: I want to start spitting, so I've decided to take up smoking.
Canadia
Otherwise No One Will Believe Me
White basketball coach at end of middle school game: Wait... Wait! Don't let any black people leave. I need to take their picture!
Ohio
Overheard by: A rare sighting
After the "Yule Log" Incident, I Can Never Be Sure
Happy man: Fred* and I really had fun last night. We fed Stumpy a cupcake!
Friend, after long pause: Christ, I hope that's not a euphemism...
Chicago, Illinois
Girl Squirrel: Oh No She Didn't!
Angry chick: Why did God create men? They're stupid!
Friend: 'Cause we need their sperm to procreate.
Angry chick: Well, he could've just had us fuck squirrels instead. I dunno...
Friend: What?!
Angry chick: Eh... It's better than the alternative! They're sooo damn cute!
Friend: Oh, wow.
Iowa
Overheard by: ewww
Categories: Animals | Creepsters | Iowa | Sex | Posted 2007-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also, Instead of Lab Equipment, I've Purchased Myself Extra Scotch
Poli-Sci professor putting a picture of a panda bear on overhead projector: Well, normally we'd talk about the syllabus right now, but our department's so cheap they couldn't print a syllabus for each of you, so I'll show you a picture of a panda instead.
Shout-out: www.overheardinathens.com
Categories: Class | Education | Overheard in Athens | Teachers | Posted 2007-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Not Be Upstaged by a Rabbit
Little girl: The show will now begin. Please sit down and turn off your vibrators!
Barnes and Noble
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Pretty sure she's been to the theater before
Categories: Advice | Glad the condom broke | Pennsylvania | Toys | Posted 2007-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Perhaps the Ham-Reward-System Is Not the Best Studying Strategy
Chick: Today sucks. I failed my math test and I smell like meat products.
Arizona
Why the Bible's Endured
Kid: Mom, what's the last supper? Why is it called 'The Last Supper'?
Mom: Because it's the last meal Jesus had with his disciples.
Kid: Awesome!
Mom: ... Before one of his disciples betrayed him and he was killed.
Kid: Awesome!
Target
North Haven, Connecticut
Overheard by: Johnny Utah
Categories: Connecticut | Jesus | Kids | Moms | Stores | Posted 2007-04-07 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yeah, You're Mommy's Little Miracle
Toddler boy in stall with mom: I'm done!
Mom: Are you sure? Why are you doing that? Don't pull on it!
Toddler boy: Daddy does it all the time!
Border Grill
Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: Smooph
Categories: California | Gossip | Kids | Masturbation | Moms | Restroom | Posted 2007-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Her Gentle Way of Saying, "You Give Shitty Head"
Large man: You need a back rub?
Girl rubbing shoulder in pain: I'm fine, thanks.
Large man: I give great massages. My mama says it's better than a orgasm.
MUNI bus
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: melissa
Categories: Creepsters | Family ties | Gossip | San Francisco | Posted 2007-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Having Some Now
Geek: Yeah, I'm a big geek, but I still really like sex.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Eavesdrop DC | Sex | Posted 2007-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Messy, Uncomfortable, and Potentially Fatal
Girl: I honestly think anal sex is just as bad as fucking a guy with a girlfriend.
Shout-out: overheardinlakecounty.blogspot.com
Categories: Backdoor | Chicks | Overheard in Lake County | Philosophy | Posted 2007-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Americans with Disabilities Act Says They Are Hot
Scholar: Handicapped people would be hot if they could, like, use their legs and stuff.
Bryn Mawr College
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Idiots | Pennsylvania | Philosophy | Posted 2007-04-06 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
So There Goes That Idea for Our Diorama
Dude: There's no way my mom's vagina could be the Suez Canal.
New Orleans, Louisiana
Overheard by: JP
I'm More of a Cammy Fan, Myself
Geek #1: I would totally do Chun-Li.
Geek #2: Dude, she's a fictional video game character...
Geek #1: I don't care, she's smoking hot.
Geek #2: Whatever, she's only 16-bit.
Shout-out: overheardina2.blogspot.com
Overheard by: eric
Categories: Dorks, Geeks & Nerds | Games | Overheard in Ann Arbor | Posted 2007-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Wonder What She's Thinking Of
Teen girl #1: Do you know what epidermis is?
Teen girl #2: No, but I've heard of it before.
Teen girl #1: What do you think it is?
Teen girl #2: I think it's got something to do with ski lifts.
Breckenridge Lane
Louisville, Kentucky
Mmm, Sacrilicious
Stoner: That's like saying Jesus and Gandhi are the same. A Gandhi would be the cinnamon bun and Jesus would be the cinnabon.
100 Main Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
All I Have to Do Is Stand in a Phone Booth and Take Off My Glasses
Suit #1: You gotta stop traveling and eating out like this. You're starting to pack it on.
Suit #2, slapping his stomach: Nah, after seven p.m. all this turns to dick.
Steakhouse
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Poor Bastard
Categories: Advice | Bragging | Suits | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Except behind the Scenes, Where All the Decisions Are Made
Mexican girl: I feel sorry for white people. They're not allowed to use stereotypes.
San José State University
San José, California
Overheard by: Cracker
Categories: California | Colleges & Universities | Mexicans | Pity | Posted 2007-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think He's Getting Ready to Say, "I Love You"
Chick #1: So, you guys might move in together?
Chick #2: Yeah.
Chick #1: I didn't know you were that serious.
Chick #2: Well, I had his abortion, so yeah, I guess we're pretty serious.
Shout-out: overheardinlakecounty.blogspot.com
Categories: Abortion | Chicks | Overheard in Lake County | Relationships | Posted 2007-04-05 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
You Keep Bringing Them Home for Me
Muscle gal: You are such a fuckin' pussy.
Muscle guy: Fuck that, I could take a seven-foot black man.
Muscle gal: Awww, I know.
West County YMCA
St. Louis, Missouri
Hamburgers, That's How
Non-native presenting for speech class: Everyone has cows in their life. Cows at home. Cows at work. Cows in our families. Cows can take over everything. But how do we get rid of the cows?
Teacher: Chaos. It's pronounced 'chaos.'
Truman College
Chicago, Illinois
Categories: Class | Foreigners | Illinois | Language barrier | Teachers | Posted 2007-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Mission: Impossible III Is Quite a Disappointment
Man: That was the most secure Mexican bathroom I've ever seen.
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: didn't bother to find out
Categories: Cleanliness | Guys | San Francisco | Posted 2007-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Also That I, Like, Have a License to Practice Medicine
Chick on cell: I mean, I feel kind of dumb, like, registering to vote and, like, not knowing what's going on and then, like, voting anyway. But, I mean, it's cool that I can vote.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: rv
Categories: Overheard at Cornell | Philosophy | Sorority types | Posted 2007-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unfortunately, He Caught Me at My Crustiest
Girl on cell: So I said, 'If I knew you were going to be videotaping it, I would have showered.'
University of Delaware
Newark, Delaware
Categories: Bathing | Colleges & Universities | Delaware | On the phone | Posted 2007-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which in Turn Depends on Whether You Speak English or Not
Sororitard to business classmates: Well, I guess it depends whether you consider a dog a person or not...
Alabama
Overheard by: liz
Categories: Alabama | Philosophy | Sorority types | Posted 2007-04-04 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Make Most of My Profit on the Overseas Release
Drunken wedding guest to videographer going from table to table: Zach*, I want to wish you and Jenny* many years of happiness, and I hope you get as much pleasure out of fucking her as I did.
Other guests at table: Erase that! Erase that!
Videographer: Are you kidding? This is like gold!
Roslyn Jewish Center
Roslyn Heights, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Categories: Drunks | New York | Sloppy seconds | Posted 2007-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, That Was Me!
Man: Did I ever tell you about the time that a tick got stuck under the foreskin of my friend's penis?
Port-A-Potty
Shout-out: weirdosofwinnipeg.blogspot.com
Categories: Friends | Gossip | Penis | Weirdos of Winnipeg | Posted 2007-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
... And That's How I Landed My First Bellhop
Loud preppy undergrad: So I said to him, 'Either you sleep with me or you clean the sheets.'
Alexander's Restaurant
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Canadia
Categories: Canadia | Health & Hygiene | Preppies | Restaurants | Posted 2007-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Our "Paddles" Are Just Irons with Strings Attached, Anyway
Walkie-talkie of student EMT #1: Two-car motor vehicle accident, minor injuries...
Student EMT #2: Dude... How far away is that? We should go... I'm bored.
Student EMT #1: Nah, let's get some ice cream.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: scott
Categories: Jobs & Careers | Overheard at Cornell | Students | Posted 2007-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Haha, Sucker
Mom: You better put that jacket on.
Little boy: No!
Mom: You better put that jacket on or you are going to get sick and then when Santa comes you will get him sick and then there will be no Christmas because you got him too sick to work and all the little boys and girls in the world will hate you. [Little boy puts jacket on.]
Utah
Overheard by: Bryn
Categories: Moms | Santa Claus | Threats | Utah | Posted 2007-04-03 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Ah, One of Those Parties
Drunk teen: ... Then it just turned into one zombie fellating the other zombie...
Wisconsin
No, You Sicko... He Was Just Jerking Off
Panicky chick: Did you make eye contact with a man pissing in an alley?!
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: sarah
Categories: Chicks | Overheard Lines | Pee | Posted 2007-04-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
If You'll Refer to This Pie Chart...
Frat boy: All of my plans involve either money or pussy.
Starbucks, E Street
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Frat boy types | Vagina | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-04-02 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Might Have Something to Do with Money
Chick looking at Bratz dolls: What happened to Barbie? Who are these people? Why are they trying to sell my five-year-old sister a doll that looks like a prostitute?
Target
Mount Vernon, New York
The Blonde Leading the Blonde
Woman #1: How do you spell 'rarely'?
Woman #2: R-A-I-R-L-E-E... Here, maybe I should fill that out.
Shout-out: overheardina2.blogspot.com
Overheard by: office dog
Categories: Doctor's office | Idiots | Overheard in Ann Arbor | Stupidity | Posted 2007-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And I Was Making Out with Steve!
Guy #1: Dude, she was holding my hand and making out with Michelle at the same time.
Guy #2: Nice.
Shout-out: overheardatlc.blogspot.com
Categories: Gossip | Guys | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Overheard at Loyola | Posted 2007-04-01 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini? Really?
Chick #1, about techno music blasting from shop: What does this song make you think of?
Chick #2: Being stabbed repeatedly in the eye with a rusty nail.
Chick #1: [Silence.]
Chick #2: What about you?
Chick #1: Discos...
Sawnston Street and Flinders Street
Australia
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