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March 2007 Archives
You Said That about My Leg, and It's Still Broken
Dude #1: I have a really bad headache.
Dude #2: You know what cures that? Sodomy!
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Advice | Eavesdrop DC | Friends | Headaches | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
It's Only a Hall-of-Famer If You Still Scored
Guy #1: Dude, I'm really embarrassed. Last night I peed in her roommate's closet.
Guy #2: Hall of fame! That's hall of fame material!
Shout-out: overheardatlc.blogspot.com
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Frat boy types | Gossip | Overheard at Loyola | Pee | Posted 2007-03-31 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
The Neocons Hate Being Called That
Frisbee girl #1 [of five in a circle]: Hey, we form the points of a pentagon! We could do some serious magic here!
Frisbee girl #2, to others: Please forgive her, she just joined a cult.
Idaho
Usually before Naming Them
Boyfriend: I can't believe you weren't there for me when I had to put my dog to sleep!
Girlfriend: I'm sorry, honey. Where I come from, we eat our pets.
Grocery store
Union Lake, Michigan
Your Backpack, for Instance, Holds a Gram of Weak Pot
International Relations professor: If I was to go to San Diego, or any city I've never been to, give me 24 hours and I could tell you what, where, by whom, and how much the drugs are sold for... [Long pause] And, depending on the drug, perhaps even the quality.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Drugs | Eavesdrop DC | Teachers | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'm Saving My Mouth for Marriage
Middle-aged woman to friend: I will text the shit out of your ass, but I will not leave you a voicemail!
The Premiere Grill
Valparaiso, Indiana
Categories: Indiana | Ladies who lunch | Restaurants | Texting | Posted 2007-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He Really Knew How to Make Me Feel at Home
Student: He called me a bitch. Only my mom calls me a bitch.
Shout-out: overheardinlawschool.blogspot.com
Categories: Names | Overheard in Law School | Students | Posted 2007-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Think Deep Down I Knew I Would Vomit on Him
Girl: This guy was really rude and annoying, so I decided to make out with him... I was really drunk and somehow that made sense.
Shout-out: overheardatlc.blogspot.com
Categories: Chicks | K-I-S-S-I-N-G | Overheard at Loyola | Stupidity | Posted 2007-03-30 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But My Foot Is My Foot, Okay?
Chick: I can't judge you for what you may or may not choose to stick up your vagina.
Windsor, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Karla
Would You Like to Borrow My Slinky?
Girl #1: Yeah, and so I threw the Internet cord from the top of the fire escape down to the bottom instead of walking all the way down. It was pretty exciting.
Girl #2: Ummm, okay then...
Girl #1: Well, it was okay! It's like throwing a baby down the stairs -- you know you shouldn't, but you do it anyway!
Girl #2: Okay...
Illinois
Gerald Is Known for His Bizarre Summaries of M*A*S*H
Guy: It would be like The Hills Have Eyes, except with Koreans.
Shout-out: overheardinumcp.blogspot.com
Overheard by: alyssa
Categories: Movies | Overheard in College Park | Students | Posted 2007-03-29 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Father! How Nice to See You Again
Guy on phone at leather bar: Yeah, I'm at a church social... doing the Lord's work. I'll be on my knees later.
San Francisco, California
Shout-out: overheardinsanfrancisco.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Kiko
Categories: Bars & Clubs | Liars | Lies | On the phone | Overheard in San Francisco | San Francisco | Posted 2007-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Top 10 All Time Scorer on Grand Theft Auto
Guy at ID counter: I'm sorry. Don't shoot the messenger.
Old lady: I'd rather shoot the police...
Shout-out: overheardinumcp.blogspot.com
Overheard by: tom
Categories: Old folks | Overheard in College Park | Threats | Posted 2007-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Like What a Tonsillectomy Does to Your Singing Voice
Hubby: Man, when I trim my ass hair my farts sound weird!
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Hair | Hubbies | Overheard in California's Journal | Posted 2007-03-28 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Will It Make a Difference If He's Guatemalan?
Chick: Just imagine -- you go home and your mother has a hot Ecuadorian boy stashed in the back bedroom.
University of Tulsa
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Categories: Colleges & Universities | Gossip | Oklahoma | Students | Posted 2007-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Thanks, AA!
Old lady: Nah, he stopped drinking. Now he's just high on the ecstasy... and a little bit of crack.
57 bus
Shout-out: overheardinphilly.blogspot.com
Overheard by: pretend I didn't really hear that
Categories: Drugs | Gossip | Old folks | Overheard in Philly | Posted 2007-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Who Remembers Who Started It? The Important Thing Is We're Going to Finish It
Five-year-old boy walking past deli: Awww... Why do they have to kill chickens?
Seven-year-old sister: Because the chicken is the natural enemy of man.
Maryland
Overheard by: Gary Lewis
Categories: Animals | Other sites | Philosophy | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Why Do Other Guys Get All the Herpes?
Dude: It's weird... All of the girls I dated turned slutty after I dated them. It's totally unfair.
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Frat boy types | Gripes | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Unfortunately, There's Not Enough of Them to Go Around
Hipster girl: Communists love my boobs.
Kent, Ohio
Which, We're Guessing, Is Politics
Dude: I'm the kind of person who does what I do.
Shout-out: overheardina2.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Bob
Categories: Idiots | Overheard in Ann Arbor | Stupidity | Posted 2007-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Yup, Bag Balm
Five-year-old girl in dressing room: Mommy, do you put lotion on your boobies?
Victoria's Secret
Oceanside, New York
Overheard by: Gette
Categories: New York | Questions | Should have used a condom | Posted 2007-03-27 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Someone Needs to Hold Up the Score Cards
Grad student #1: Yeah, it is really hard. They have to wait and see how much, like, brain matter they share.
Grad student #2: What does the one twin do while the other twin has sex?
Grad student #1: I think he just lays there and is really uncomfortable.
Grad student #2: Awkward.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: llouie
Categories: Overheard at Cornell | Questions | Sex | Students | Posted 2007-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Be Considerate of the Rest of Us
Jock: No, dude, you totally have to use a condom with a plastic vagina.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: hung
Categories: Advice | Condoms | Jocks | Overheard at Cornell | Vagina | Posted 2007-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Oh, Crap, This One's a Tattoo!
Dude: Hey, man, do I have any more swastikas on my face? I tried to wash them all off...
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: zak
Categories: Bathing | Idiots | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'll Think of More Reasons Once I Start
Frat boy #1: I think I'm going to start doing cocaine instead of marijuana. I need to step it down a notch.
Frat boy #2: Uh, how is that stepping it down, exactly?
Frat boy #1: I dunno. I just think cocaine is more practical.
Shout-out: overheardina2.blogspot.com
Overheard by: amy
Categories: Drugs | Frat boy types | Overheard in Ann Arbor | Posted 2007-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
P Diddy: Just Call It 'Sampling'
Client to design agency, regarding their website: For simplicity's sake, we ripped off a few things.
Shout-out: adverbatims.blogspot.com
Categories: AdVerbatims | Clients | Office politics | Posted 2007-03-26 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Nothing Like Taking an Exam in the Afterglow
Frat boy #1: I already jacked off three times today!
Frat boy #2: Sweet! That's what I'm going to do as soon as I finish this test.
Frat boy #1: Maybe I should just go rub one out in the bathroom now... [He leaves the room.]
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: Maxwell
Categories: Class | Frat boy types | Masturbation | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Which Is a Fancy Word That Means 'Requiring a Splint'
Sororitard: I mean, he has, like, clinical depression. That's like breaking your arm. It's, like, hereditary.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: dek
Categories: Overheard at Cornell | Sorority types | Stupidity | Posted 2007-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I'd Still Be Motorboating Her If the EMTs Hadn't Intervened
Drunk frat boy: I don't care that she was three hundred pounds, she still had a phenomenal rack!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: hearing aid
Categories: Drunks | Frat boy types | Overheard at Cornell | Rack | Posted 2007-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Apparently I've Never Experienced 115 Degree Heat
Freshman girl: It's so much better when it's cold than it is when it's warm -- all you can do when it's 115 degrees out is sit around and air out your vagina flaps!
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: broyhaha
Categories: Overheard at Cornell | Students | Vagina | Weather | Posted 2007-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Luckily She Had a Picture of Sammy Davis, Jr. in Her Wallet
Girl #1: It's such a shame. I mean, if only there was some semblance of religious tolerance...
Girl #2: I know. Muslims, Christians, Jews... It's all the same god, but different rules.
Girl #3: Wait, is a Muslim just a black Jew?
Girl #1: ... No. A black Jew is a Jewish person who is black. It's a different religion.
Girl #3: Oh. Okay. That's confusing.
Girl #2: No, no, it's really not.
Hofstra University
Long Island, New York
Categories: Chicks | Colleges & Universities | New York | Religion | Stupidity | Posted 2007-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And Then I'll Have Fewer Exams to Grade
Accounting professor: You should drink champagne and go swimming -- it's lots of fun. Once you're tipsy and get three to four feet underwater you have no idea which way's up.
Shout-out: overheardatkmc.blogspot.com
Categories: Advice | Class | Overheard at KMC | Teachers | Posted 2007-03-25 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I May Have Buttered My Ass and Come As a Parker House Roll
Chick: Do I know you from somewhere?
Dude: Uh... maybe?
Chick: Didn't you come to my Halloween party dressed as the Pillsbury Doughboy?
Dude: No.
Shout-out: overheardina2.blogspot.com
Categories: Clothing | Overheard in Ann Arbor | Students | Posted 2007-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But I Loved "Pee-wee's Big Adventure"
Young mother to five-year-old daughter: Morgan! Come here! Do you remember that film we watched about perverts? Now hold my hand!
Clapham Common Post Office
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: Moms | Overheard in London's Journal | Parenting | Post offices | Posted 2007-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Note to Self: Buy Candy Corn
Sweet-toothed student: If you put an infinite amount of candy corn in front of me, I will eat until I die. Do you understand that?
Shout-out: overheardatstanford.blogspot.com
Categories: Candy | Overheard at Stanford | Students | Posted 2007-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dude, I Remember When You Were Cool
Frat boy: Nah, I'm not going out tonight. I'd rather wake up tomorrow and have a problem set done instead of a fat girl.
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com
Overheard by: doug
Categories: Education | Frat boy types | Overheard at Cornell | Posted 2007-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Dr. Phil?
Student #1: Who's that bald guy?
Student #2: That stupid-ass bitch that I want to kill.
Student #1, nonchalant: Oh.
41 West Santa Clara Street
Arcadia, California
Overheard by: Argonath
Categories: California | Students | Threats | Posted 2007-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
And He's Not Getting Out 'Til He Learns the Combo
Male coworker: So, wassup?! You holding down the third trimester? You got that thang on lock?!
Preggers coworker: Hell yeah!
Oakland, California
Shout-out: community.livejournal.com
Categories: California | Coworkers | Overheard in California's Journal | Pregnancy | Posted 2007-03-24 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Also Known As a White Sale
Guy #1: 'Drinking the Kool-Aid' is such a misused phrase. It's even become corporate speak. Don't people realize that it's a reference to the death of a thousand people?
Guy #2: Yeah, next thing you know they'll be saying, 'We're going to offer a Holocaust of savings.'
Shout-out: eavesdropdc.blogspot.com
Categories: Eavesdrop DC | Gossip | Guys | Washington, DC | Posted 2007-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
But They Hate for You to Mess with Them
Girl: Well, I mean, skunks do have nipples...
Shout-out: overheardina2.blogspot.com
Categories: Animals | Chicks | Nipples | Overheard in Ann Arbor | Posted 2007-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Genetic Engineering Has a Long Way to Go
Preppy freshman chick leaving dining hall: So, life decision for today: I want to become a Gummi Bear!
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Overheard by: Anna Deaton
Categories: Bimbettes | Colleges & Universities | Philosophy | Preppies | Students | Virginia | Posted 2007-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
I Left You a Box of Chocolates in a Locker at the Airport
Office grunt: Valentine's Day lunch is for people who are having affairs. I've worked every Valentine's Day. The nights are all couples, but the days are all people who say they're coworkers but then grab each other's legs under the table.
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: mk
Categories: Grumpies | Holidays | Overheard Lines | Posted 2007-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
He's Now Extinct
Woman: I can't believe my friend pterodactyled me yesterday.
Stumptown Coffee House
Shout-out: overheardinpdx.blogspot.com
Overheard by: jose
Categories: Chicks | Kink | Overheard in PDX | Posted 2007-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
Buddy, We've Got It Taken Care Of
Girl in sleeping bag outside music club to stranger walking by: Yeah, okay, we're waiting for a Hanson concert. Wanna make fun of us now?
Shout-out: overheardlines.blogspot.com
Overheard by: isaac
Categories: Chicks | Music | Overheard Lines | Posted 2007-03-23 | Email | Quote | Link | Del.icio.us | Facebook
What Do You Mean, That's Too Graphic for My Wedding Vows?
Loud girl on cell: I dunno... I mean, it takes a lot for someone to make out with you after you've been puking.
Outside Goldwin Smith Hall
Shout-out: overheardatcornell.blogspot.com