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Stephen Suffers From Aphasians
Girl to guy, after long moment of intense pondering: Yeah, I think Chinese accents are definitely funnier than mental illness.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Twinla Archnemekiss
Life Was Much Simpler in College
Dude to friend, entering bar: Don't worry about a thing. We'll get you drunk, get you laid, and get you on a Fung Wah bus tomorrow morning.
Near Boston University Dorms
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Brian
Some Episodes Of Top Chef Are a Total Horrorshow
Loud guy: It's not even that I was bitten by zombies; it's that I fucking hate undercooked cauliflower.
St. John's
Newfoundland
Canadia
Overheard by: Mel
Turns Out It Was Both
Guy on cell: Yeah, she kept on shouting out stuff in German. I didn't know if that meant she was about to come or if I was fucking her wrong.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
I Bury My Pets in the Back Yard
Girl on phone: She kept it. She didn't even donate it to Locks of Love, in case she ever goes bald.
UC
Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Tom
If We Held Hands, We Could Power the Entire East Coast
Gangster teen #1: Man, why it gotta be so cold?
Gangster teen #2: Yeah, what's up with that, yo? We black, we supposed to conduct heat or some shit.
Millersville, Maryland
All Those Guys Care About Is Gastronomy!
English professor, discussing The Beauty and the Beast: What was his name? Gustav? Gaston? Whatever, he's French, to hell with him!
University of Louisville
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Skye
Have You Tried Giving God My Letter Of Recommendation?
Jewish boy to non-Jewish nanny: So, you've been working here for me for awhile... Are you Jewish yet?
Nanny: Nope.
Jewish boy, with deep sigh: There's still time.
Brookline, Massachusetts
Overheard by: S
...Hello?...Hello?...
Exasperated woman on cell: No, let me read you my confirmation number one more time: It's 'a' as in 'apple' then 'k' as in 'ku klux klan.'
dcist.com
Hint, Hint.
Guy #1: Man, it's too early. I'm so tired.
Guy #2: I know, man. I'm so tired that if some dude just came up and raped me I wouldn't care, I'd be like "just hurry up and get it over with!"
West Virginia
Overheard by: Kimber
Hilarious, But Horrible.
Girl, to friend: Yeah, so I was in the middle of fucking him when she called... And I all I could say was, "you've got a friend in me..."
Friend: You are a horrible person.
Montclair, New Jersey
Overheard by: CS
Your Editors Prefer "Wide Gate to Paradise"
Guy, about the word "vagina": It doesn't roll off the tongue.
Girl: The British used the word "quim," which originated from the Welsh... It means a hollow or a valley. (pause) The valley between her legs.
Guy: See, nobody wants a valley... Shoulda just called it a slit.
Girl, sarcastically: Or a hairline fracture.
Bayonne, New Jersey
