Wow. Suddenly I Loathe Myself.

Client: So, how will we work it out if I want a custom tattoo designed?
Tattoo artist: Have you ever been shopping with your girlfriend where you just sort of follow her around for a while and point stuff out until you figure out what she wants?
Client: Yeah…
Tattoo artist: It's just like that, except you're the girlfriend. Americana Tattoo Parlor
Augusta, Georgia Overheard by: Clarissa St. Tacocrotch

The Empire-Waist Plague Reaches South America.

Guy in subway: "can anyone give up a seat for this pregnant woman?" and points to door. Everyone looks at large woman who just enters.
Large woman: "I am not pregnant"
Actual pregnant woman behind her: "but I am!" Buenos Aires, Argentina Overheard by: Murphy