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Not This Time, Thank God.
Girl #1: Owww!!
Girl #2: What? What!?
Girl #1: Something hit me!
Girl #2: Oh, was it the bible?
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: Savannah
On a Toilet.
Woman: She can't work, she has a bladder problem. It leaks.
Man: Well, she should just get a job where she sits down all day.
Nashville, Tennessee
Was She Wearing a Leather Catsuit Again?
10-year-old boy: So I went over to my neighbor's house, but she chased me around with a big stick.
10-year-old friend: You're a real ladies' man.
Edmonton
Canadia
Overheard by: Alex
When the Gooey Gets Tough, the Tough Get Going.
Barista #1, packing a box of just-glazed donuts: Ew, they're all slimy.
Barista #2: Yeah, all that glaze.
Barista #1: It's like they're covered in semen.
(barista #2 giggles)
Barista #1: Seriously. It's like I'm cleaning up after an orgy on the streets of Louyang. I'm too gay for this shit!
Chesapeake, Virginia
Mr. Blevins Was Somewhat Delayed in North Africa
Old man at bank counter: I'd like to cash this cheque for £5, 6 shillings and 9 pence.
20-something female cashier: Erm... Sorry?
Old man: I'd like to cash this cheque for £5, 6 shillings and 9 pence.
20-something female cashier: Sir... This cheque was written in 1958.
Old man: I'm 96 years old! I just want to cash my cheque.
20-something female cashier: I appreciate that sir, but the pound has been decimal for around 40 years now... It's 2012. This is in pre-decimal currency... I don't know if we can cash it.
Old man: I'm 96, I don't need any hassle! I want to see the manager!
Bank manager, coming over: Is there a problem, sir? (cashier explains situation) Ah... Right... Erm... Ok. (pause) Well, if you'd like to step this way sir, we'll see if we can deal with this over a cup of tea.
Old man, disappearing into office with manager: I'm 96! I fought in World War II and you tell me I can't cash a bloody cheque!?
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
I Need to Map to Get to Hers
Psychology professor, introducing himself: I could pull down my pants and show you my tattoo on my ass if you really wanted to get to know me.
Student: What is it?
Psychology professor: It's the Green Bay Packers symbol, the 'g.'
Students: (giggles)
Psychology professor: Yeah, my wife calls it my g-spot.
Appleton, Wisconsin
Overheard by: rustybeard
Then I Might Agree to Marry You
Guy: The best you can do is jumping off the Eugene Hotel and landing on some old dude.
Eugene, Oregon
Overheard by: nyssa
Fesus!
High school senior: I've been told that my voice sounds like a cross between Fergie and Jesus.
Baltimore, Maryland
Quit Trying to Skirt the Issue, Victoria.
Teen to mother: First of all, I object vehemently to anything that has anything to do with my putting on pants?
Ithaca, New York
Overheard by: Lester T.
Shouldn't Have Done That Last Pythagoras Shot, Though.
College guy: Dude! I just pre gamed before math!
Student Union
UCLA, California
Overheard by: Mallory
Not As Emo As the Ground, But Close.
Guy: The sky is pretty emo.
Eugene, Oregon
Overheard by: nyssa
When You're Raised by a Jewish Mother, You'll Understand.
Man drinking coffee: And that's why I always treat everything like it's going to kill me.
Ohio
