Obviously-not-18-year-old girl, handing man money: Go get me a pack of Camels number nine, please.
20-something man: Are you serious? They're going to think I'm fruity. (walks into store, immediately walks back out) I can't buy them. That girl is working.
Obviously-not-18-year-old girl: I'm sorry, would you like me to buy Marlboro Reds? That's a manlier cigarette.
20-something man: That'd be great. (goes back in and returns with Marlboro Reds): Sorry about that. Uh, if I don't get my type of cigarettes then I think they'd get suspicious.
Obviously-not-18-year-old girl: You don't even smoke.
Dude: I thought you could use chopsticks.
Dude: Because you have tattoos.
Chick: And that means I can use chopsticks?
Dude: Well, one of them is Chinese…
Noodle Man, Ryrie Street
Overheard by: Does the septum ring make her part animal?
Mormon girl: When I grow up, I want to celebrate Chanukah! I mean, I just like Jews. I like Jew food, Jew noses, Jew hair styles… Oh my gosh, I love those curly bangs! I just want to pull one and watch it go “sproinnnnng!”
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: I'm Jewish, but surprisingly NOT offended…
Girl #1: I found that doll the other day.
Girl #2: What doll?
Girl #1: The Steve Irwin doll, you know, the one that used to look at me creepy while I was sleeping.
Girl #2: Ohhhh, that doll!
Bleeker’s Bowling Alley
Five-year-old girl: I think we got almost all of the blood out, mommy. You know, Liam's blood? We got almost all of it out of the sheets. That was a lot of blood.
Mom: Yes we did, honey.
Rest Stop,Turnpike South
Overheard by: TM
Man to patiently smiling girlfriend: Well…uh…I make quite a *mean* tuna fish curry. Uh…*or* a sardine curry. Uh…and have been *ridiculed* for it.
Overheard by: Sarah
Guy: So, it's like, there's ski equipment strewn everywhere on the ground. I wrote a story about it, with descriptions and metaphors and shit.
Boone, North Carolina
Bimbette #1: Wait, is a bird a mammal? I don’t think it’s a mammal…
Bimbette #2: I think a bird is, like, its own species.
Political science professor to class, explaining the term “political actors”: Political actors can be political parties, politicians, organizations of different kinds…and by organizations I do not think of a group of pedophile carpenters gathering in a living room.
Overheard by: Amused student
Dude: In grade school I would always pretend that there was someone chasing me when we had to get timed for the sprint. I thought it would make me run faster. It didn’t.
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